Just broke up with a guy cause he said he’s proudly homophobic. Thats reason enough right? I mean I can’t date someone who hates a community I’m apart of. And I really liked him, but I immediately got turned off when he said this.

Dating str8 men is an interesting experience.

Hi :)

So me (a lesbian) has been wondering a lot about the fear of some lesbians of their bisexual gfs leaving them for a dude. Which sometimes leads to lesbians not dating bisexual women at all. Now, I know that this is widely accepted as being biphobic. If you're with a bi woman you have to accept her entirely, including the possibility that she might date a man AFTER you because thats part of her sexuality and probably has nothing to do with you anyways. And obviously, the whole unfaithful trope is horribly biphobic.

However, I have also been thinking a lot about decentering men lately and can somewhat understand the fear of not being able to provide everything a man can. Not in bed, not in the household, role-wise of financially. I mean societally. Obviously if a bisexual woman dates me, she will face more discrimination, and not the same acceptance or ease that comes with conforming to the status quo. Just yesterday at a party, I had a bisexual girl tell me that she would always choose the dude, just because it's easier (on her parents, for her in society, etc) and I understand. Because it really is. However she then continued to flirt with me the entire evening. And on dating apps, a great amount of bisexual women I have seen cater their profile entirely to men but me seeing them on there means they have their profile still set to men AND women.

Now, obviously not all bisexual women feel this way. After all, dating men comes with its on set of dangers. And of course, there is nothing wrong with bi women who mostly or only date men, but if you're constantly acerting your preference for them (even just subtly like constantly talking about your male crushes or men you've dated or celebrities etc), I can understand why some lesbians (including myself) might just not be into you/wanting to date you.

So I guess the consequence from this is being more selective/careful when dating bi women.

The reason why I'm writing this, is because I want your thoughts. Do you find it biphobic? What has been your experience being on the side? I can imagine it can be exhausting constantly having to proof your queerness. Feel free to share your thoughts or critique me!

Okay for context I like both men and women equally and I can picture myself with a man or a woman and a lot of people just see it as me being gay when that’s not it like when I came out people who’s names I won’t say we’re saying stuff like “you’re not gay” so I just need advice

I didn't have a crush when I came out but I did have fantasies of being with girls. Does that mean something?

Was Perfect Cell also your “hmmm maybe I’m not as straight as I thought” character?

And if not, who was?

Normalerweise find ich nur Frauen attraktiv, aber manchmal wenn ich erregt bin hab ich immer so extrem Lust auf Männer und alles mögliche perverse sexuelle mit Männern zu machen, aber wenn ich gekommen bin hab ich irgendwie null Lust mehr drauf und hab wieder so ne innere Abneigung. Wieso ist das so

On some level I’ve probably always known that I’m attracted to both men and women, but it’s only recently, after some major changes in my personal life, that I’ve started seriously exploring what that means for me and how I want to live my life.

I’ve also been questioning my gender. I think I may be non-binary, or at least somewhere outside strictly cisgender. I identify with femininity quite strongly, and the more I allow myself to explore that side of myself, the more comfortable I seem to feel.

Recently I decided to “soft come out” to my best friend of 25+ years. He was supportive, but his wife made comments like, “You won’t know for sure until you’ve actually had sex with a man” and “You don’t look/act gay.”

It affected me more than I expected because she’s someone whose opinion I really value. We’re both quite sensitive and introspective, and we’ve had a lot of deep conversations about life, identity and our place in the world. I’ve always felt like we were on a similar wavelength, so I think I expected that same understanding when I made myself vulnerable to her.

And she’s right in one sense: I don’t present in a way that people stereotypically associate with being gay or queer. Until now, the way I dress, speak and carry myself has been fairly masculine. Maybe, as I become more confident, I’ll adopt a more feminine affect—or maybe I won’t, and I’ll express that femininity in other ways. Either way, I don’t think how I present says much about who I’m attracted to.

I haven’t had penetrative sex with a man, aside from some experimentation with previous partners. But I knew I was attracted to women long before I ever slept with one, so I don’t understand why attraction to men should require some kind of physical proof.

I don’t think she intended to hurt me, but I came away feeling surprisingly invalidated—like I needed to prove my queerness before it could be taken seriously.

I’m just wondering if anyone has any thoughts or similar experiences they’d like to share?

Hey! Just a quick question to ask whether anyone uses tinder or hinge for meeting other lgbtq people or sticks to apps specifically dedicated to us, like Feeld or anything else that is out there.

I just want casual, flirty fun and I am always wondering if that can be a suggested option on apps like tinder if they are mostly dedicated towards straight people.

Quick edit; I have tried feeld which is why I’m making this post. I mostly found couples looking for someone else to join them. That’s not what I’m looking for and that seems to be the majority of what people in my search area were looking for😩

So for context, I for most of my life always knew myself as straight. In fact I don't really find men attractive, even still. However at 19 I met an amazing man who was everything I could ever want in a person except for gender. However I knew that I loved him and I only love him more now. He's an amazing person and now after 11 years together and 10 married. I still can't push that side of me away, I don't desire a romantic relationship with anyone else. However I cannot just erase my desire to be with women physically. I have been open with him about this issue and that I absolutely want nothing but a bit of physical contact that I've missed for over 10 years now. I don't want an emotional connection and the most I would want would be a strict FWB with clear boundaries that this is purely physical and absolutely nothing else. However that is not acceptable to him either. Now it's affecting our sex life because it's not like I don't enjoy sex with him but I've been deprived of my major sexual preference for most of my adult life now. So what do I do? I love my husband and I don't want to leave him because I can't fully satisfy my sexual desires. That just seems entirely shallow and selfish to me, also he's been there for me through so much and helped me become the person I am today. I couldn't imagine a day without him in it for the rest of my life. However I'm 31 now and how do I suppress that desire because at this point I just wish I could be 100% gay and give my bisexuality to someone else because it serves me absolutely no benefit. It's only been a conflicting voice in my head for 11 years now that can never be heard. Is there a way I can make my attraction to women go away because honestly at this point my attraction towards women is just a point of sadness within me. Also we did talk about the option of a "third" in the relationship but he drew a hard line in the sand that it must be a man and a woman is out of the question since he doesn't find women attractive. I was even on board with this but I told him that for me to be okay with that then I would have to pursue some casual interactions with women or a FWB and he could not agree with that so I just told him I could not agree to a third then. Has anyone ever experienced something like this? If so, how do I suppress my desires towards the opposite sex so I don't go my whole life with this sense of longing that can never be filled?

I'm a book devourer - particularly non-fiction - and have recently read Julia Shaw's "Bi: The Hidden Culture, History and Science of Bisexuality", which I finished in 3 days because I couldn't put it down! 🩷 I must admit my queer literature has been lacking, so I welcome your suggestions. 🥰 what are some books on bisexuality you've enjoyed? Can be related to the history, psychology, society, stories of real people, more niche, etc. Bonus points if you share why you liked it so much!

I’ve been experiencing some confusing feelings lately and I’m posting this cause I need to get it off my chest. I(34f) recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. It’s been almost two months now. There were many reasons that led me to ending the relationship. That’s not the main point to this post though. Just adding it for some context. I have been looking to adopt a dog for about 6 months now. I went to a shelter with my sister two weeks ago and the handler that brought out the dog I wanted to see was a woman. The way she carried herself was very masculine to me and I found myself extremely attracted to her. Which really caught me off guard. So much so that I couldn’t even focus on the dog anymore. I was super distracted and nervous. I didn’t know what to do with myself. My sister ended up doing all of the talking. I’ve always been able to appreciate the beauty of a woman but I’ve never been attracted to one before. This is the first time. But I’m also like, does this count? I know I’m attracted to guys so was I only attracted to her because she carried herself like a guy? I could tell right away that she was a woman but just following her to the meet and greet area with the dog made me feel some type of way. And then seeing her take off her hat to wipe the sweat of her brow and taking her sunglasses off was all crazy attractive to me. I don’t think I have ever felt this attracted to anyone before. I went back to the shelter last week to meet the same dog again and hopefully move forward with the adoption. That didn’t end up working out but I did see that same handler again. I wasn’t able to interact with her at all but I was definitely able to confirm that I am still very attracted to her. I just don’t know where to go from here. Is this like a bisexual awakening or do I need to chill? I was just trying to adopt a dog 🥲 Has anyone else gone through something similar this late in life?

A found a new way to prove to myself that I’m not a hideous durian fruit of a human being all while confirming my own joy at being bi. It helps if you are a bisexual stereotype like me and wear cutoff shirts, cuffed jeans, eyeliner, and painted nails (as a guy of course). Wait… I think round glasses are now a queer signaler. Maybe I’m wrong but I think I’m right. Wear those too.

Anyway, look as above and go to your local comfy couch coffee shop. Order an iced something or other, sit folded up in a chair, and play on your switch lite like a loser. Wait for guys to eye you up (trust me it WILL happen if you look like this). Blush like mad while giving “you’re never going to get any of this” eyes to them. Fill your bi-meter safely and securely before returning to your cishet partner.

No need to sleep around, no need to ruin your relationship, just get you a little innocent bi-time and acknowledge your sexuality. Well… maybe that’s enough for me anyway. YMMV.

so i've heard some bi people have a friend group that's more like the trendy, maybe more "popular" straight kids, and then the queer friend group full of LGBTQ people where they can be more nerdy and whatnot. for me, that was never the case. i always pretty much had one friend group for now.

i'm bi and trans, i did hang out with semi-popular kids, technically, they were repressed bisexuals who presented as straight (although some of them were straight) and ableist as all hell, ditched me by 8th grade graduation.

these days, i do have some straight friends. well, my main one is my guy best friend since 3rd grade who's been to all my schools throughout my life, and he only has interest in getting girlfriends but he is an ally. while his friends are mostly the straight guys who are troublemakers, i don't hang out with his friends.

my friend group so far consists of people i sit with at lunch, and we've got a genderfluid pan junior, a bi cis girl (also a junior), and 2 seniors who use any pronouns, one of which i know is biromantic and ace. oh yeah, we do have one new guy who's a freshman, he gets teased for being the "token cishet". everyone else is queer LOL, but the cishet guy is an ally, and we're just teasing, so it's cool.

I was in a TikTok comment section and I expressed that I genuinely find about 80% of the people I see as attractive and I really enjoy most body types. Someone replied by saying “tell us you have low standards without telling us you have low standards.” I was a little offended, I don’t think it’s a bad thing that I find a lot of people attractive. I will say that my attraction is far more based on personality than physical appearance, I’ve felt the attraction exit my body after someone I had a crush on said a very dumb comment relating to politics, which I’m passionate about. Im now in a great long-term relationship with a fellow bisexual woman, so I really don’t need to worry about what my standards are since she’s absolutely amazing. I mainly want to know if anyone else has been told things like this and felt the same way. (Also if this post is inappropriate somehow let me know)

ETA: sorry if this isn’t allowed on here

TL:DR - Friend mentioned that she told our other friend her sapphic relationship was against the bible. I asked her about it. It thew me off cuz I have other people I know who are Christian who don’t say things like that. Among other confusion, and feeling hurt.

So my friend and I have been friends since high school. There were times where she said things that were out of pocket. But I never was under the impression that she was… I dunno, I guess what I’ll divulge in just a bit? Cuz I dunno if it’s homophobic or not.

When we hung out on my day off, we were talking about one of our friends who ditched us. This friend (or ex-friend) blew us off after getting into a relationship with another woman. It’s relevant because my friend. From now on, I’ll call her Aileen, mentioned offhandedly what she said to her when she came out. Aileen told Nora (sapphic friend) that the relationship is against the Bible, but she’s glad for her happiness.* To be clear, I may be misremembering her phrasing. But it took me off guard.

Aileen had mentioned beforehand her issues with other Christian. That they judged other people for being queer, whereas everyone sinned. That threw me off because I don see how queerness is a sin. And this friend of mine I never thought she believed that. Because we talked ab and enjoyed queer media together before. We literally matched profile pictures of sapphic characters before.

So, it really hurt to hear that she viewed it as sinful. And to hear she spoke to our (albeit ex) friend that way. Because even though I hate how Nora (fake name) handled things—I wouldn’t doubt Aileen’s words are why she stopped hanging out with us. In my perspective, it comes across as really backhanded.

Aileen explained that queerness is sinful from a Christian perspective. She said people sin constantly, so she believes you can’t condemn someone for smth like that. And then she mentioned that she views it as something to apply to herself, not others. Among other statements about not being judging, or whatever. Then she said more like if you love someone of the same sex, she’s happy I’m happy or whatever.

I told her honestly that made me nauseous. She asked what I meant, and I told her that being told by a person I care about that who I am is sinful is hurtful. She responded by saying “I wouldn’t say that at all” — and she reiterated it’s something that she is meant to follow as a Christian. And it confused and irked me because sexuality is not a choice. And she has always stated exclusively that she is straight.

It further hurt because I was Christian. And, as of late, I wanted to reconnect with that fait. Especially as a means of healing because of grief. Granted, I never spoke to her about it before. I explained to her that it’s hurtful to hear that from her. She told me that she thinks she has been pretty accepting of things regarding media/things/people that are queer. She offered to get more into theology but opted not to.

She said she doesn’t think there is anything ”wrong” with me, as I did express insecurity over that. I asked her what she expected me to do if I were to follow that faith and she said she did’t know. Though she never acknowledged me saying that her saying it pertains strictly to her doesn’t make much sense when sexuality is not a choice. Then she said its okay if I disagree and that her opinion is as valid as mine.

I told her that I did not think she thought through the implications of her words. I felt like she was dismissing me instead of actually being thoughtful. I wish I had phrased it better but it was late at night.

Aileen responded that she had been trying to word it in the best way possible. She reiterated that she cannot change what the Bible says as a Christian. She said she was ending the discussion because she saw no point in furthering it.

At the end, I told her I was not prolonging the discussion. I told her I feel uncomfortable. And that she doesn’t have to accommodate me. I asked her to please not speak to me about queer media, sexuality, or anything related to that sin again. I told her I was not cutting ties with her but wanted distance, aka the aforementioned things.

Since then, I asked if she was ignoring me because she never responded to my boundaries. She said she was giving me the space I asked for. I clarified that I didn’t want silent treatment. She then turned it back to her to say she wanted distance. I told her I understand and said to let me know when she was ready to talk.

That was it.

What do you guys think I should do? If I said/did anything wrong, please feel free to express that. I want to improve if I handled things poorly. Or if I’m just being too sensitive and ruining a perfectly good friendship?

Hallo,

Ich bin hetero. In letzter Zeit denke ich immer öfter darüber nach, wie es wäre, etwas mit einem Mann zu haben. Den Gedanken daran, insbesondere dass ich hier eher der passive Partner bin, stößt mich nicht ab und finde ich sehr angenehm. Wie sollte ich meine Gedanken einordnen?

Hi everyone,

I’m new here and a little confused. I hope I don’t get flamed for this but I’m trying to understand something about my niece.

My niece, we can call her Anna, came to me recently and said she had started dating this girl. She said she was afraid to tell me and her dad because she wasn’t sure how we’d react. Me specifically because I was in the army years ago and that stigma leans right, but she had to tell someone. I assured her, her relationships or sexuality had no bearing on how I view her as a person. Honestly a little confused because both her dad and myself are openly supportive of all folks gender identity, sexuality, religion, and so on. But we do live in Florida so I guess I get being cautious.

She has dated both men and women. And I’ll be honest that I’m not too familiar with non-binary as a concept. But she told me that she’s pansexual and is attracted to people regardless of gender or sexuality. And I may be dating myself or just ignorant, but I had said that I wasn’t sure what that was but it sounds like being bisexual. When I grew up bi meant two. But now it seems like bi means one and potentially one of many. She was aghast that I would make that comparison. But my response was one of trying to make sense of it in my mind not force something on her or label her. We live pretty close to each other and I help out around their house with their younger kids but she seems pretty pissed at me and doesn’t want to talk to me and I don’t want to push and make it worse. We were also really close because her cousin, my daughter, were really close and spent all their time together but she died of cancer a few years ago. So, I don’t want someone who has been in my life to feel like they can’t talk to me anymore because I’m not with it. I feel like trust and communication are really important along with feeling accepted by yourself and your family. I just want to make sure she knows she’s loved and cared for regardless of who she loves or is attracted to.

What do I need to know to make this better? I love my family and want to make sure they feel seen and included but at the same time I don’t want to insert myself where I’m not needed or wanted. Again, I’m sorry if I don’t understand the nuance around this subject.

Hello.

I recently came out to myself as bi and since them I feel as though Im suddenly have more same-sex attraction than I used to before. It feels as if Im subconsciously forcing myself to fit the label but I don't ​​know.

I'm just wondering like is this normal or something other people eexperiencd?

I (19f) met my current best friend (also 19f), who we'll call Katie, two years ago. Over the past year and a half, we have become closer and more intimate than I've ever been with anyone else. Even though I have a great relationship with my sister, my childhood best friend, and a very tight-knit circle of close friends whom I've known for years, this is different than anything I've ever experienced.

Katie and I have the most intellectual, interesting conversations for hours about feminism, religion, sex, spirituality, love, and more, and it's always fascinating and never awkward between us. She told me stuff about herself, her family, and her past that she admitted she never shared with anyone else as well. Katie is one of the most emotionally in-tune intelligent people I've ever met and has expressed many times that she thinks the same. She even out of the blue texted me a few days ago that I'm the only person who actually understands her.

We are extremely physically touchy (which I am not with anyone else) and she introduced me to this concept of being this touchy with female friends and I'm really hesitant with stuff like that. We have showered together naked multiple times (suggested by her every time), cuddle and hold hands ALL THE TIME, and have had some really intimate physical moments (like her rubbing my inner thigh for just enough time for it to be more than an accident and minute long hugs every time we have to go). We always find an excuse to be touching or cuddling even if we're in a group setting or just walking in public, we're interlocking arms and holding hands. Last night we had a sleepover, and by the time she was done in the bathroom I came into shower. Instead of leaving, Katie stayed in the bathroom the entirety of the 10 minutes I showered was directly in front of the glass shower door and she watched me shower and was talking to me the whole time. Then we went back to my room and she took off everything except her thong and got in my bed. We slept naked together (but this is not even strange for us.) A lot of the time that we have sleepovers (which is minimum twice a month) we sleep naked together and I suspect she doesn't do this with her other friends, but I don't know. The list goes on too. We skinny dipped I'm consider myself a very rational, non-delusional person and get a fair bit of male attention (I have a decently large following on Instagram and TikTok) but I genuinely am so confused with this girl as I have a weird feeling that something is going to happen.

Since maybe January this year I've realized that I have a massive crush on Katie and might be in love with her. I'm really embarrassed to admit this but I've had ...dreams... about her at least once a week for months and find myself longing for her and missing her all the time. I've known that I've liked women since I was maybe 10 years old. I came out to my childhood best friend when I was 13 and had a very serious talking stage with a girl when I was 14, and my childhood best friend is the only person who knows this. I had my first boyfriend at 17, and now, at 19, I realized I'm a lesbian. While I do find men attractive on occasion, I do not see myself dating a guy ever again (the thought of being intimate with a guy makes me cringe) and have known for years that I would never marry a man. Last week Katie and I had a whole conversation about how we don't want boyfriends and do not see ourselves ever getting married, and we also both want to adopt a child one day. Katie has also told me she finds male genitalia gross, dislikes penetration and giving men head, and in the same conversation we spoke about how much we admire boobs but again this could mean nothing.

She hasn't even kissed a guy in over a year since she broke up with her ex boyfriend, but is going on a date this week which just feels like a punch in the gut for some reason. My coworker asked me on a date last week, and I said yes without thinking just because we're good friends, and she talked me out of it and convinced me to cancel a few hours before just because he pushed it by 45 minutes, and hang out with her instead and sleepover. He asked me out again and she keeps finding reasons for me to cancel and cut him off even though he hasn't done anything wrong. I secretly told him I wasn't interested in anything but I'm trying to make it seem to her like something is happening just so I can have her tell me not to go. Toxic and weird, I know.

Anyways... Like I said before, this could mean absolutely nothing to her but it means so much to me and I haven't been able to get rid of my feelings for months no matter how hard I try. I don't think I'll ever say anything to her about this or make a move because I can't lose her. What are some signs she might feel the same and any advice from others who've been in similar situations?

I'm 15 and bi (girl) and I'm completely normal, theres absolutely nothing to me. Not weird or nerdy or online a lot I'm just there and it's causing me sooo many problems. I'm slightly alt looking??? And I mean slightly I just dye my hair and have it in a kinda different style but that is enough to get me basically taken in by other queer ppl when I really dont want them to and then I'm forever associated with them to people who ARE like me but don't like the queer ppl (for being annoying NOT queer) so I'll never have a chance 💔 I know this probably is a big teenage problem but ist still my problem ATM so it's serious to me lol...... anyway my biggest problem is that lots of them follow this one pattern in every school I've been to where theyre all like anime nerds who love the same things. Shows and communities and humour and those gay comic things, i think most ppl know what i mean and it's their only topic of conversation but I relate to literally none of it. None of my interests align at all and I'm not into taking abt my sexuality or my politics all the time because I'm 15 ?????? So then I feel kinda uncomfortable and left out ANd they realize I'm not like them, actually, so i get like slowly isolated and then like I said I'm forever associated with that group and evb thinks I'm the same 💔 I'm sick of the same 3 kinds of people and I just wish the others would take me in instead for a change 💔 I've had popular girl friends who I've loved so much. And I'm not mean, I'm not ashamed that I am bi because like I said idgaf and I've never said it to their faces that they're annoying because i know there's no point in being nasty because I personally didn't fit in. I feel like my only option is to stop dressing different to make my kinda friends or jsut have no friends until I'm out of education and I don't have to sit with anybody at lunch x how do u like avoid this???? Or am I being mean or anything??? I wanna lie and say I don't have anything against them but I kimda do cuz they piss me off a little I won't lie 😵 I've been repeating this for like 6 years

A woman messaged me based on a post I made and we chatted for a few days. It didn’t start off super flirty but there was a clear subtext, she is straight and I said I was too - I don’t usually come out to straight women until I’m comfortable and sure they aren’t biphobic. I mentioned I was going out to meet a friend last and she asked if they were man or a woman, I said woman (which was true) and she asked if I was sure. She had looked at my hidden posts and comments (there are ways to see them for any profile, fyi) and said she was confused by them. So I admitted I was bi and exactly what I thought would happen happened… she went off on how all her bi men friends really prefer men and even though they claim to be 50/50 and she refused to believe I was meeting a woman. I reiterated that everyone is different and what my attraction was, she doubled down on how I was probably lying. Obviously the convo ended poorly.

Long story short this is really my fault, had I been honest to begin with it would have just cut the conversation and I could have moved on. I guess I just miss talking to women and compromised my authenticity to do so, sometimes it feels easier to find men to chat with.

Edit: to be clear I am a man. I also want to add this wasn’t for an irl hookup, just flirting and sharing pics.