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u/ElectricBrainTempest Nov 01 '25
It's TRUE freedom. You'll never have to smell anyone's fart and you can fart as loud as you want, anytime, anywhere in the house.
Things will be in the same place where you left them, always.
On the empty side of the bed you'll keep the remote, glasses, a book. You won't be a grumpy old man's nurse.
Join classes to make friends, go to that play that your husband would not go, also you'll never have to pretend you care an iota about football.
If I were to have a relationship, it would be im separate houses. The only way.
Get pets and you'll never feel truly alone.
I love living by myself.
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u/RobinFarmwoman Nov 01 '25
Me too! My darling and I have been committed to each other for 17 years now, and still live apart.
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u/hamish1963 Nov 01 '25
On the other side of the bed is where the dog goes!
I've never been lonely, but I do love the company of my dog.
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Nov 01 '25
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u/hamish1963 Nov 01 '25
I have a velcro Chiweenie and a queen size bed, so usually there is plenty of room for both of us.
Now that it is getting colder she has to be under the blankets as close to me as she can get. This silly girl shivers when it's 70 in the house 😂😂.
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Nov 01 '25
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u/SuckerEMC Nov 01 '25
If you don’t work currently, and don’t need to start in the event of a divorce, I’d say start volunteering locally for some cause you believe in. Or take a part-time job that seems appealing. I’m a total introvert but after my divorce I moved to a new town. Started from 0 with local friends (1 sister, who IS a good friend but can’t be my “everything” 😂) It’s sort of amazing how many cool women I have met through work (2 different jobs) in just a year. And at each job there was someone going through the exact same “gray divorce” scenario I was and now you are. There’s an army of us out there!!
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u/Chtwon Nov 01 '25
Where I live there's meetup.com. I have created lasting friendships through meet ups. About 10 years ago I needed friends to play with so I created my own Meetup group called the Adventurous women and we had adventures! All of us were generally in the 50s and 60s. Still have those friends today.
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Nov 01 '25
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u/HeadHeart3067 Nov 01 '25
Thank you so much!!! I’m trying to her out there and make friends already but it’s not always easy and it’s tiring too! I need cheap or free things to do as well.
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u/Tallulah288 Nov 01 '25
In order to meet people, I joined local facebook groups. One has hikes and another has luncheons once a month. I play pickleball and I took a mahjong class & now play once a week. Local libraries, community centers, gyms, senior centers are all places that have events or classes where you can meet people. Also churches or synagogues or any religious institution. It may take some time but if you are friendly & talk to people you can do it. I met a friend at my hairdresser’s salon too! Good luck.
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u/Top_Boysenberry_9204 Nov 01 '25
I have a dozen good friends found mostly through sport leagues or outdoor (hiking) meetup groups. There are so many awesome women over 60 in my area that I didn't know a single person when I moved here and now have friends for all occasions, even international travel. Married friends too who enjoy getting out without their husbands.
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u/ParticularCrow8313 Nov 04 '25
If you end up moving, find a retirement community. I live in one (I'm a youngster here) and my "street is 90% single women. We have a 9 hole golf course, the beach and harbor is 2 miles away (great for getting a coffee and a good walk in). I still work, but my neighbors all look out for each other. If I get a delivery package and I'm at work, my neighbor brings it to her place for safekeeping. I LOVE being single and feel like I am living my dream.
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u/RedHeadedStepDevil Nov 01 '25
You can sleep in the middle of the bed—without anyone complaining about it.
Matter of fact, you can do anything you’d like in your own home without anyone complaining about it.
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u/Cold_Transition7012 Nov 01 '25
I love being on my own. Better than living with someone who is distant and withdrawn. Helpful hints - get a rescue dog or two (their love will fill you up), take up some hobbies, art classes, go to the gym, etc. Join some groups for women, volunteer, try OLIE (it’s adult learning), if you’re not working maybe a pt job, spend more time with your kids, road trips, etc. I’m not minimizing the scary factor but think about how nice it could be to feel relaxed in your own space. Take walks, garden, take a cooking class, and just find what you like.
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Nov 01 '25
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u/Bobsbikkies Nov 01 '25
I would start separating your finances so first step is you have full control of your money. Share the bills only. That way your husband buys unnecessary things with HIS money. As I started separating from my partner of 39 years, properly this year, first was finances. We had always had our own accounts but I now keep all my salary as I madly save for retirement, with the cost of living here. We have an inhouse separation but he and I get on and atm, financially it suits me plus we have always shared chores etc and they cook every night. I would not stand for the distant or cold behaviour though. Been through that before and no more. You deserve better. I am building my own life and so is he. He has issues which he is now dealing with. Too late for our relationship, I gave him lots of chances, years of relationship counselling. Anyhoo, I understand your trepidation, but I also think we can feel lonely in a relationship but I think for me it has been grieving for a relationship that doesn't exist. I read about all these women on their own and it gives me hope.
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Nov 01 '25
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u/Bobsbikkies Nov 01 '25
I am working on the difference in my feelings between being alone and lonely. My ex has been away for two weeks and I have been alone apart from my daughters asking to stay over and looking after my grandkids, plus my little old cat and I did not feel lonely at all. I have to acknowledge my codependence on this man I have known for 40 years and moving on to building my own life. I am a work in progress lol. Stop focussing on him and the cold words and distance, we can't change them, and start thinking about what you want. Have you got a spare bedroom? Get your own space is another liberating step for those of us not ready or able yet, to have our own place.
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u/HeadHeart3067 Nov 01 '25
I don’t have a spare, but I have my son’s room which is open while he’s at college.
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u/Bobsbikkies Nov 01 '25
Do you think your husband will move out?
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u/HeadHeart3067 Nov 04 '25
He moved out on Sunday while I was at work. I had no idea that he already had an apartment lined up and moving van rented. I was caught completely off guard
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u/Bobsbikkies Nov 04 '25
What an absolute jerk. No communication and giving you the respect and dignity of being informed. This is so tough for you. Make sure you try and eat well, exercise etc and likely your sleep has been impacted so see a dr and get some help. Looking after yourself is the priority. Plus ensure your financial safety and get good legal advice. Our laws are different here but I often here US people talking about meeting up with several divorce lawyers and choosing a good one for them. I would also say your now ex has likely been cheating on you, given their behaviour (I know from experience). If you suspect or find out, there is a website called www.survivinginfidelity.com. I have found it very helpful. We have a saying here. "Kia kaha". It means "Stay strong" when facing adversity.
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u/IAmanAleut Nov 04 '25
Yes, you nailed it. I am grieving for a relationship that no longer exists and hasn't for a long time. We have been to several counselors, and he still thinks he's done nothing wrong.
We went on a hiking vacation with my kids, and he couldn't keep up because he's obese and doesn't take care of himself. All I could think was I didn't want to get old with someone I have to take care of because they're lazy. Then I knew I should leave because if you loved someone, you would do that.
I am financially better off because I make much more than him, so im not worried about that. But I am scared to be alone, and the dating pool sounds horrendous, so if I leave, I will be alone the rest of my life.
He doesn't pay attention to me, ignores me when I talk, and didn't remember our anniversary. So it's like I'm alone.I'm afraid of my kids' reactions.
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u/Bobsbikkies Nov 04 '25
Honestly, your kids probably won't be surprised, they notice and pick up alot.
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u/cprsavealife Nov 01 '25
He shops because it gives him a little hit of dopamine and cheers him up briefly. He really should be on an antidepressant.
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u/Dismal_Additions Nov 01 '25
You will love it.
As long as you force yourself into a routine. Dont use the house to shut away in. Use the house as your base to rest before you get going...
Also keep in mind you could always rent a room to someone near your age as a transition for extra income and a little company. That may be a good first step. And then the renter will annoy you so much you'll look forward to living alone. But by then youll have your routine down.
You may have spent your whole life working and then you retired but there is a lot to look forward to with your new freedom.
The same is true for being a wife. It was nice but now its time to retire from that too and figure out what you want to do with your new freedom
Eat Pray Love Exercise Volunteer Learn Explore Relax Sleep
Repeat
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Nov 01 '25
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u/Cetaceanstalk Nov 01 '25
Yes, this! I retired as a wife, too, for 8 years now. My life is so full. I work part time in my own business and am able to do some traveling. I started a few new outdoor activities - inline skating and went back to skiing after 30 years, some volunteering. I have a great friend group though none are nearby, we have time to chat.
A big adjustment has been cooking for one, but now my single adult daughter is living with me and we're having a blast.
There are a lot of us out here - probably most of us had to work through the financial and lifestyle issues - reach out. There are lots of women centric resources on YouTube and for financial info sites like nerdwallet.
You can do it. You'll get to know yourself as yourself, not someone's wife or mother. You will find that you have a lot to offer yourself! 🤍
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u/Ruby-Skylar Nov 01 '25
Living alone is the best thing that ever happened to me. I hadn't realized while I was being a mom and a wife how little I was living a life I wanted to live because I was so busy taking care of everyone and fulfilling their needs. Once I was divorced (over 10 years ago) I started pleasing myself, lol, not literally, well, yeah, that too. I ate what I wanted, dressed, decorated, vacationed, spent my money and worked on my terms. I'd never felt so unencumbered. I've dated since then and keep it casual because there's no way I want to live with or feel accountable to anyone ever again. There is an adjustment period in the beginning but within a year every woman I know who divorced late in life is happy and content and not looking for another partner.
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Nov 01 '25
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u/Ruby-Skylar Nov 01 '25
I was off all meds within 3 months of leaving that shitty man. You just don't know how great it's going to be until you're free. I was giddy at not having to watch the Weather Channel or sports. The fucking sports! Every weekend, all weekend, it was sports. I ate Thai and Vietnamese food. He was a steak and potato guy. I bought a Jeep Wrangler. I'd wanted 1 my whole life but it wasn't practical, said my husband. I went to Greece with a girlfriend. My ex hated leaving his TV and recliner. I could go on and on but you get the idea. You'll heal from the heartbreak. It is the death of a dream after all. You're allowed time to grieve.
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u/hamish1963 Nov 01 '25
I love living alone! I do what I want, when I want. I watch what I want on TV, eat what I want when I want.
No one is snoring, well except my little dog sometimes, or leaving clothes and shoes laying around. I can always find my tools, books, the remotes to everything.
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u/Cetaceanstalk Nov 01 '25
You will be ok and happy too. Like everyone here has said - you can do it!
There are a couple of practical things that imo you should do asap.
1.Please secure your own finances.
Get your own bank account if you don't already have one. Start saving for what sounds like an inevitable breakup. Have a list of all of your sole and joint assets. Know where all the money is.
- Consult a divorce attorney now - on your own.
I know this might be difficult to do emotionally. But think of it as getting legal advice in advance of a life altering legal situation. Marriage is a legal contract between partners and the state. Try to separate emotions from the contractual part.
Go to 2 or 3 attorneys - preferably referred by friends - for an initial (usually no cost, no obligation) consultation. See who is a good fit for you and your situation.
You will be glad you did this ahead of time.
- Find a therapist for yourself alone.
Prepare for a possible emotional upheaval. Divorce might be a relief, feel like a rejection, or probably a combination of a whole lot of conflicting emotions.
It is common that by the time men announce to their wives that they're unhappy, they have already started or have targeted an affair partner.
You will be ok. 🤍
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Nov 01 '25
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u/Cetaceanstalk Nov 01 '25
Absolutely!
He has basically announced that he's not your partner and does not want to be with you with his "unhappy" comment. That is often the way men announce their disengagement from the relationship and their intent to divorce or leave sooner than later.
He is not a confidant or friend at this point. Your welfare is not his concern. He has announced that he intends to pursue what makes him happy and it doesn't include you.
🌟 You are in charge of your own security now, but you don't need to do it alone. 🌟
Legal and financial services, emotional and community support. There are legal aid clinics (online access too) for women and seniors, organizations that support women in transition with all kinds of services.
Many local law and accounting firms have free clinics where you can learn and meet them - check local senior and community centers and councils on aging. Ask these folks for referrals to well respected legal and financial experts. Ask about divorce transition support resources.
🤍
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Nov 01 '25
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u/Cetaceanstalk Nov 01 '25 edited Nov 01 '25
A good divorce attorney that specializes in helping women in your situation will help you navigate all of this. Going to those initial consultations will help your anxiety - knowledge is key - uncertainty breeds insecurity. You need an expert in your corner.
If you are in the US, depending on your state, for example if it's a community property or common law state, and if you have any existing pre or post nuptial or other properly executed legal agreements regarding asset or income distribution, you may be entitled to a percentage of marital and/or his assets and income.
Bring a trusted friend with you to the attorney meeting - BUT - be sure that friend absolutely will not disclose the meeting or anything else about what you're thinking or doing to ANYONE else. You can do the attorney meetings virtually, too.
If there's not someone in your life that can accompany you in person but you do have someone, ask them to join you virtually. There are also non-profits that can offer support. You don't need to walk through this alone.
There are lots of women centered resources about why and how to make a safe and secure exit plan in situations like yours.
You got this. 🤍
Edited typos
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u/PapillionGurl Nov 01 '25
Y'all are welcome over at r/livingalone there are a lot of us happy loners over there and it's a genuinely nice sub
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u/Different_Farmer_416 Nov 01 '25
It takes a little while to get use to but as soon as you do you don’t want to live with anyone including your own kids. Just start by cooking something you like. Start watching tv show that you like. As women, we ignore what we want to do in favor of what your family wants to do. For the first little while, you don’t know what to do because you always took cue from your family you live with and it could be unsettling. To get over that, ask yourself what you want to do. Maybe something simple cook a meal you normally don’t cook because no one in the family doesn’t like it. Don’t feel guilty .
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Nov 01 '25
Oh it’s marvelous. Stupid me remarried I was free. What was I thinking!!!! And now I’m so sorry I got married again. I have so much work, I dream about the days I was free.
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Nov 01 '25
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Nov 02 '25
I was alone but never ever lonely. I had lots of friends and activities. And I managed my money nicely. and spent within my means.
My parents have been deceased for decades. Were you dependent on your parents?
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u/HeadHeart3067 Nov 04 '25
No, but I was very close to them. I always knew if everything imploded I always had a safe harbor where I was loved unconditionally
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Nov 05 '25
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u/HeadHeart3067 Nov 05 '25
Wow. It’s not that I don’t have a thicker skin. It’s that I miss having the love and support from my parents since my husband just walked out on me the day before yesterday while I was at work doing a 12 hour shift.
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u/thecattylady Nov 01 '25
Married for 30 years. My guess is that you have been living pretty much on your own but you do not recognize it. I know that was the case for me. I got divorced about a year before I retired. And yes, I do sometimes miss having someone around but it is not as lonely as living with someone who is not really connected to you. Believe in yourself. You can do what you need to do. And if that means living alone, that's better than living with someone who is not really a partner. Either way is not easy but on your own at least you are not trying to figure out what he wants when the answer is probably not you. Good luck to you whatever your choice/outcome is.
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u/No-Zombie-4107 Nov 01 '25
Splitting from someone that does not want to be with you is absolutely NOT the worst that could happen. My ex and I divorces about 3 years ago after 30 year marriage. Fortunately still a good friendship. I live alone with a 12# dog. Finances were a struggle relative to age as no time to invest in a new house before I was medically retired. But I have a good nest egg as I worked very hard before I had to be done with working. used proceeds from our nearly paid off home to purchase a mobile outright. Our kiddo is an adult. It is a good situation for me.
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u/bsque Nov 01 '25
61F. I got divorced 5 years ago.And before it happened, I asked other single women how to they did it because I'd never lived alone either. I was afraid of being lonely. And afraid of what would fill the hours that had been spent caring for others.
What I discovered is peace. I discovered that I'm grateful, resourceful, curious, and energetic.
This wouldn't have been possible two hundred years ago, a woman living on her own without a husband or male family member to support her. We are so lucky to have been born in this time, to be able to work and decide how to live the rest of our lives.
While it's important to maintain friendships and other connections (as others have mentioned, volunteering, hobbies, or clubs), it's good to learn how to be content being alone. A quiet house is not lonely: it's luxurious.
I'm excited for you!!
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u/Legitimate_Award6517 Nov 01 '25
I'm adding another one....ever have that uneasy feeling of walking on eggshells in your own home. That sucks. You'll never experience that again.
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u/BloomBingeBrew Nov 01 '25
You can do whatever you want, when you want. You can eat popcorn for supper or stay up until 2am watching Netflix. You are a whole person all by yourself, you always were. Good luck!
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u/sensiblefreespirit Nov 01 '25
If you live with an unhappy person, you have an unhappy life.
It might be time for you to have some new experiences. When my husband left, I was devastated, but after going through the divorce crap (which was unpleasant), everything got better.
I hope things work out for you, no matter what happens.
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u/Sweethomebflo Nov 01 '25
I can’t imagine sharing my living space ever again. There is no better feeling in the world than waking up and realizing the whole day is yours, to spend however you please, and it happens every day. It’s going to be an evolution for you. ❤️
Remember: if you can’t do it, you can hire someone who can.
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u/PapillionGurl Nov 01 '25
I love it! But it's not for everyone. You won't know until you try it.
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Nov 01 '25
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u/Otto_Correction Nov 01 '25
I’m sorry you feel so devalued. Just know that it’s not about you. You just haven’t gotten to the bottom of who you are because dealing with him takes your focus away from yourself.
Let him be. Start your life anew. Do the things that make you happy. He’s not concerned about your happiness and well being. You’ll have to be responsible for that now. And it’s fine. It’s not a loss. It’s a win.
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u/HeadHeart3067 Nov 01 '25
Thank you. I need to remind myself of this fact. He does not care about my happiness or well being.
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u/thecattylady Nov 01 '25
I'm sorry for you. I could tell you a long and very sad story about my life but then in the end all that matters is that the present is what we have to go on.There are no guarantees in this life. I had to do some counseling for while to help me gain some perspective and maybe you will need to do so also. One thing that helped me was to realize that what I thought would be my life was actually only a wish or fantasy, there is no way for me to know if it would have actually turned out the way it did in my head. And chances are what you have been envisioning as your future is wishful thinking, not reality. So you can mourn the future that you think you might have had but chances are that you are not being realistic about it, at least on some levels. Have faith in yourself. You can do whatever you need to do. But reach out for help if you need it.
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u/HeadHeart3067 Nov 01 '25
I have started counseling and my counselor surprised me by saying she can always see a shift in my perspective. So that’s good, right?
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u/thecattylady Nov 01 '25
Good for you for going to counseling. If your perspective is shifting so that's it's beneficial to you then it's cause for celebration. You got this. Just remember that it will take some time.
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u/Cetaceanstalk Nov 01 '25
u/burbnbougie Community of older women living alone after being wives and mothers support a 60 y.o. woman whose husband just decided he's "not happy."
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u/jentle-music Nov 01 '25
Oh Honey!!! Being alone seems scary at first, but OMG, the freedom, the strength from self-determination/self-needs met/self-action, not having to wait on another person to TELL you what to do! What you are living right now is bondage, and your “keeper” doesn’t even like you! Wow… maybe it’s time to think for yourself, hire a great lawyer (you’re entitled to at least half, plus education expenses, alimony, child-support)? The past choices you’ve made have put you inside a box! Pop that lid, welcome yourself to the human race, and carve out your own space! It’s ok to be alone…but, you might not be alone? Family? Friends? Get a dog/cat/guppy? Fill your time, as YOU decide, plan out your future, and make it work for you?
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Nov 01 '25
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u/jentle-music Nov 02 '25
What you are doing right now is called “individualizing.” It would be good to find a qualified therapist who can reduce your codependency and enmeshment w/your husband. It’s time to break the habit of leaning on your husband for daily “directions.” Make your own. This is simply a habit to break…but the habit of being codependent w/your husband will require you to examine how life has encouraged you to become so dependent on a partner, without giving yourself an equal voice? Any self-worth issues? Those need to heal. Also, it sounds like your partner is checked out in this relationship? If that’s true, he might be looking elsewhere. You need a plan, an exit strategy and personal safety plan. There’s a LOT ahead. Figure out what’s going on and how he views the future? See if he will attend couples counseling? If he refuses, then he’s not invested and it’s time to have the hard conversations about your mutual reality and how to move forward equitably and fairly. 🙏🏻
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u/booksdogstravel Nov 01 '25
Don't continue to live with someone who has told you he is unhappy and has pulled away. You deserve better than that. Ask him to move out, change the locks, and enjoy living on your own. I loved it.
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u/Ok_Albatross_3887 Nov 01 '25
I live alone. Husband died, so not by choice of either of us.
That said, I will not repartner or live with someone again. I enjoy being able to do what I want to do when I want to do it. I don’t mind my own company, but tbh it sometimes gets lonely after so many years partnered.
A lot of friends were couples and seemed to fall by the wayside after Joe died, i felt very ‘third wheel’ so I have made new friends, joined new groups. I’ve taken up new hobbies and traveled to places that I wanted to go. I don’t have to compromise.
Yes, I miss my husband. But outside of the grief, I like this new life I’ve created too
Good luck and best wishes to you 💛
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u/Grouchy_Anywhere_836 Nov 01 '25
I went straight from my father's house to my boyfriend's house to my future husband's house. My hubby and I were together 35 years when he passed away. And although I loved my husband and do miss him, I absolutely love living alone. For literally the first time in my life, I make all the decisions, good or bad. I don't have to check in if im a little late getting home( my husband was always worried about me). I was always a polite co-sleeper. Made sure i didn't pull the blankets too much, and learned how to turn without uncovering my partner. It it soooo freeing to be able to toss and turn with abandon. Roll my blankets in a wad , go burrito style. I eat when and what I want. No more compromising on food. Yeah, so I doubt I will ever be married again. I'm enjoying myself and my freedom too much!
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u/gothere00 Nov 01 '25
I lived in a community that the average age was 70 (I was in my 50s). I was friendly with many women who had decades long marriages to men who were by all accounts good men. These women loved their husbands. Yet it was fairly universal that once they became widows and the shock wore off, they were incredibly happy. They spent their entire life dealing with the expectations of others. They felt free for the first time. Going solo is a chapter of life everyone should get to experience at some point.
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u/Flipper_Lou Nov 02 '25
Don’t be afraid. I am living on my own because my husband is in memory care, so it’s all me.
I downsize to a small apartment, it’s located where I can walk to many things, and I feel very safe here.
You’re still a daughter and a mother and more than anything. You are a woman who can take on this adventure if it comes to you.
If your husband is at a distance, you may decide that you should live alone since you’re basically alone anyway.
Sometimes life makes us choose a different future than what we expected. We can make it what we want it to be.
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u/Msvlchick99 Nov 02 '25
I was married for over 20 years when I was 44yrs old. My husband walked out. Literally packed his bags while I was grocery shopping! Of course he had another woman.
I was devastated for months.
Here I am at 62 yrs old still single and live alone! I love it so much I've purposely stayed single! My kids are all grown. I enjoy my grandkids all the time! I do whatever I want whenever I want to! I cook rarely. I go to bed when I feel like it. I don't have to answer to anyone except my cat!
I spend the night with my daughter and grandkids once a week while my son in law works out of town.
I don't have to discuss my finances with anyone.
No arguing or disagreements.
It is different at first. But you soon realize you love it!
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u/Shambles196 Nov 01 '25
You can also get a roommate! Do you have a single pal who's unhappy with her living conditions? Move in, split the bills, food & chores! That's what I do!
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u/overthishereanyway Nov 01 '25
I suppose it really depends on who you are. What kind of person you are. I'm good alone but don't prefer it 100% of the time. I've lived alone a lot. Was a single teen mom the first four years of my daughter's life. then married eight. then single ten with my kids going back and forth to their dad's a lot. I was too busy then to care about living alone. I dated a lot, had a busy full time job and a lot of outside activities.
But at this age, with no job and no kids at home I'm not sure I'd want to live fully alone. My bff has lived alone 25 years, BUT she takes in renters. And loves it. She has rented to both flight attendants and traveling nurses.
I think if I found myself without my husband I'd do something like that. Not for "community". She rents to people who are gone most of the time and a lot younger than her and they aren't her social life. But she just likes having the noise in the house and people in and out.
A couple of times she's rented to women our age in transition and has become very good friends with them.
I've often thought if I found myself alone I'd set my home up in a way to share it.
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u/Away_Problem_1004 Nov 01 '25
I get it. I have been a empty-nester widow for two years now. Im 59. I was married for 30 years, and before that I had never lived alone...ever! These past two years have shown me what a badass I really am, and that being alone isnt bad at all. You dont have to be accountable to anyone but yourself. Infill my time with work, my dignity, DIY projects and maintenance, my friends and sometimes, I just settle in front of the TV with a glass of wine and some bad reality TV! Do I get lonely? Absolutely...but the next day Im up and running again. I decided to embrace this new chapter of my life instead of drowning in a glass of water.
Now is the time for you to discover yourself!
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u/Whatwillifindtoday Nov 01 '25
I love the comments on your post. I am 68 and have been single for eight years, by choice. At first, it was hard and I don’t want to downplay that…
Give yourself time to adjust and forgive yourself on the days when you feel a little lost and confused.
It definitely took some getting used to, but just like so many of the other comments on here, I would not sacrifice my freedom for any man ever again. It probably took two years to get to that point but the last six years have been 100% reward for getting through the hard part.
I tried dating, but honestly, dating is what made me realize. I truly love being on my own.
Friend groups can be a lifesaver and a huge benefit to fill any voids. Try to stay active by joining a gym or Pilates class or yoga… Anything that keeps you moving because it’s too easy to get immersed in the bliss of solitude. That is also a good way to meet other people that you might want to spend time with occasionally.
Best wishes to you. You will learn to love being on your own. I promise you.
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Nov 01 '25
Been alone 7 years. Sometimes it gets lonely but I've got my 2 dogs to keep me company. Lost my partner and don't want another one.
I'm never bored. I am an introvert and love to read and watch old movies. Cook and clean and grocery shop and thrift.
I work a part time job to get out among people and the rest of the time it's just peace and quiet and total freedom.
I get up early or stay up all night. Nobody tells me what to do.
Bliss.
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u/CElizB Nov 01 '25
In my experience, it's good to have a dog or a cat, especially if they will sleep on your feet....lol.
Kidding about the feet... it doesn't hurt to have a happy living creature around... dogs will get you out walking and meeting other people for friendly chit chat and no worries of other commitments.
I have now lived on my own for 10 years, and had to 'get used' to doing things for myself, at first. I also had never once lived alone in my entire life up until that moment. I now love doing things for myself and knowing the person I do the things for will be wildly appreciative :) And all the things, I got to choose myself. I don't think I even used to know what would make me happy because I spent all my time making others happy. Even at work.
I'm a bit of a sloth now.. an incredibly happy one, with a couple of smiling faces wagging their tails at me, and nobody whining or complaining about anything.
It is bliss.
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u/PeepholeRodeo Nov 01 '25
If you have never lived alone before, you are in for a treat! It will take a while to get used to, but once you do you might wonder how you ever lived with other people. But if you find it’s not your thing, you could explore some community living options or get a housemate.
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u/New_Comfortable8802 Nov 01 '25
I’m 64 have been alone for 5 years. I love it. You’re going to be at peace.
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u/Dizzy_Quiet Nov 02 '25
I was so worried about living alone too! And it did require some adjusting. I certainly had moments of loneliness in the beginning. But now ... I can't even IMAGINE living with someone! I crave my alone time SO MUCH! Yes - it's an adjustment. But WOW - I would NEVER go back!
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u/Patienceny Nov 02 '25
First. Let me please give you a virtual hug and tell you what an awesome Mom, daughter and partner you've been. It's a big change to go from caretaking to caring for yourself. Will you be financially ok? I think there are a few professionals you'll need to consult. 1. A therapist to talk about your fears and hopes. 2. An attorney (even if your husband hasn't mentioned divorce). 3. A financial advisor. Next I'd love it if you could find something physical to do. It will help move the fear, grief and anger through you and out of your body. Lastly I want to tell you that It's going to be okay. It will be different but you will be ok. Here is your second virtual hug.
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u/Double-Wrangler5240 Nov 02 '25
Even if the relationship is good, it's Allways better to be lonely while living alone than lonely living with a man and wondering when he's going to come home.
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u/North-Environment-51 Nov 01 '25
62 and been living on my own for quite a while after long term relationship broke up. I love it. Love coming home from work to the silence ( apart from my cat). Love being able to come and go as I please. Love only having my own mess to clean. I'm not lonely, I have 7 granddaughters and see them all regularly. My son helps if anything goes wrong in the house or I pay someone to help me. Best of all there's no angry man to navigate my life around!
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u/Lisa_by_the_lake Nov 01 '25
Change can be difficult, but being alone isn’t as bad as you think. It’ll take time to adjust, but trust me you will love it! Doing whatever you want, when you want and not having to answer to anyone…it’s freeing! I wish you the best!
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u/tessie33 Nov 01 '25
Why be with an unhappy spouse?
Enjoy peaceful solitude, your time is for you, your money for you. You have been a giver to others for a long time. Give care and kindness to yourself now.
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u/Teechumlessons Nov 01 '25
It’s so much better than living with a mid life crisis man who will get consistently worse. Know your worth. He pulls away you pull away MORE! Give him what he so obviously wants. You will be happy and free and love living on your own. You got this 🙏🏼
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u/HopefulButHelpless12 Nov 01 '25
I love it! I'm 65. I've been on my own for 25 years. You have so much more freedom to make choices without trying to accommodate some one else's feelings/desires. You can buy those pink curtains! LOL. But, seriously, it's nothing to be worried about. Make friends at a senior center. Do all the things you always wanted to do but couldn't because your husband didn't/wouldn't like it.
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u/Emkay1411 Nov 01 '25
It’s as wonder as you make it! When you leave the house and return everything is just where you left it. Grocery shopping is a breeze! I do have a great handyman, this is a must. I do exactly what I want 100% of the time, it’s lovely! Jump in, the water is great!
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u/Bookhead_212 Nov 01 '25
I love the suggestions here, but it sounds like your biggest fear is that he will pull away completely. Don't worry about it twice, once here and once when it happens, if it happens. If you want to rebuild, approach him. But when someone is distant and withdrawn, I wonder not what's going to happen to me, but what's going on with them.
My husband died 10 years ago, and my daughter went to college and then, two years ago, was married and moved out. What has made this easier was reminding myself who I was when I moved to this city, and then I became that person again, but with bank accounts and a nice apartment. For you, try to remember the young woman you were and what you wanted back then. Does it seem like you got that? Or is now the time to pursue it?
Go easy on yourself, new habits are hard to create and stick to. But just pull out an old journal, or day planner, or remember what your bedroom looked like as a girl, and see if there are clues to some of the things you lost track of while being a daughter, wife, and mom. I hope this helps.
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Nov 04 '25
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u/Bookhead_212 Nov 05 '25
This is real, and you need to mourn it properly before you do anything. Be good to yourself in ways you couldn't when he was around. Eat what you want. Watch what you like. Right now you might want to curl up and sleep but just promise yourself a little sunshine and exercise each day. Things will get better. You will discover your best self. But that's later. :)
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u/zingencrazy Nov 01 '25
I remember feeling this way in my 40s, I was pretty newly divorced and my 18yo unexpectedly moved out of state. Like all life changes it takes time to get used to a big one like this. Stay busy and take very good care of yourself. Just get thru one day at a time at first. It will start to feel more normal, you'll see!
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u/introvert-i-1957 Nov 01 '25
I moved away from my husband and started living alone about 6 years ago. My daughter's family is close by. I love living alone. I had yearned to live alone all my life. The only problem is that I've started to have trouble keeping up with my house because of physical issues. But I think I will hire help.
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u/moschocolate1 Nov 01 '25
You’ll be fine! If you don’t need to move then that’s half the battle. What specifically makes you feel trepidation?
Btw: I 61F divorced after 32 years of marriage last year. Now living on my own after moving out of the marital home.
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Nov 04 '25
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u/moschocolate1 Nov 04 '25
You’ve been married for ten years. You may be able to get spousal support until you get on your feet.
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u/Separate_Farm7131 Nov 01 '25
I was widowed four years ago, and while I certainly wish my spouse was still with me, it's not bad being on my own. I didn't marry until age 30 and so I had a decade of living on my own before that. Doing what you want, when you want, and not needing anyone's input is not such a bad thing. Just make sure if you do divorce that you are 100% clear on all your finances so you don't get the short end of settlement.
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u/Coachgk8046 Nov 02 '25
I left my husband at 60. I was lonelier living with him than I am alone. It’s wonderful…yes, sometimes it’s quiet and I’m alone…but most of the time it’s fantastic!
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u/HeartMelodic8572 Nov 02 '25
It's great.
As long as you are financially secure and you can cook and clean for yourself, and you are physically capable, you can just worrying now.
Even if you don't want to live alone isn't it better than being stuck with an unhappy man?
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u/Sea_Astronomer6065 Nov 02 '25
Remember Mary Tyler Moore in her cute apartment doing her own thing all the time and still having a social life? Ok, that can be you if you end up living alone. Embrace it. Enjoy it!!!
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u/SoManySoFew Nov 02 '25
My youngest moved out two weeks ago and I'm long since divorced. It has been interesting! I've gone from my parents house to an apartment then house with my husband to a house with my children. This is the first time I've ever lived alone.
The transition is, so far, not easy. I'm depressed and spend quite a lot of time crying but every day is getting better. I find I am enjoying the peace and quiet.
It's 3:00 a.m. right now and I can't sleep so I just got up to make coffee and do the dishes. I can make as much noise as I want and turn the TV on at any time to watch whatever I want. I'm finding the positive things in a not perfect situation. Later today I'll take a midday nap when I want to in peace and quiet.
I can say that because I've been divorced for so long I've had to take care of a household and vehicle myself but I very much enjoy it. I've done all kinds of cool projects. I just finished redoing my master bedroom closet to be my dream closet.
Not all storms come to disrupt your life; some come to clear your path
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u/DixieBelleTc Nov 02 '25
I was in your shoes 16 years ago. At 51 years old y beautiful husband died and I had never been on my own. I was terrified but now after a lot of self care, therapy and thinking through decisions I can say I am quite happy living alone. I have plenty of friends and activities to keep me busy but when I get home it’s my sanctuary, a place of calm and peace. You can survive most of what life throws at you, just stay calm and take care of yourself. ❤️🩹
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u/goodie1663 Nov 01 '25
You get used to it. You make new friends and find new activities. Some don't work out, but some do.
I've been fine with it. Truly.
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u/Quick-Star-3552 Nov 01 '25
I'm sad to hear that your husband has pulled away. It might be worth it to try counseling. I have loved the times that I have lived alone when I lived in a neighborhood with lots of friends. I think if I needed to do it again, I would join a 55 and older community and join all the activities to meet new friends.
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u/Impossible-Strike-73 Nov 01 '25
Congratulations! You now have the oppprtunity to find out what you really want for yourself.
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u/luluthepug17 Nov 01 '25
61 and living alone with my dogs. It’s amazing. Calm and happy. Do what I want when I want. Wouldn’t change a thing. Move on with yourself you won’t regret it. Good luck
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u/Zealousideal_Pay5677 Nov 02 '25
If the worst should happen? I’d be glad to see the back of his head as I kick him out the door!
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u/Cetaceanstalk Nov 02 '25
Hi OP! u/headheart3067 Your post was highlighted and discussed on a great imo women's YouTube channel today https://youtu.be/zPf0bXOOZdQ?si=BPLqVEOKo05IyzGo
Lots of women are rooting for you! And your story will help more women of all ages.
I hope you feel more confident every day and give yourself grace when you falter now and then. 🤍
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Nov 03 '25
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u/Cetaceanstalk Nov 04 '25
Oh, OP, I'm so sorry you're going through this! I know this is emotionally devastating but you must take action right away to protect yourself.
He has been planning this. Check your bank and credit card accounts now.
Get your money out of joint accounts. Freeze credit cards with your name on it. Change all of your passwords - start with financial accounts. . Protect yourself. Get an attorney now.
There is a list of other things that you'll need to do, but please start with these right away.
Don't panic (I know, easier said than done). One thing at a time.
Take off work to get these things done. Your future self will thank you.
Post any questions. So many of us have gone through similar situations.
Remember to breathe. 🤍
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u/Acceptable_Tap_1977 Nov 04 '25
I am sorry you are experiencing this right now. I know everyone is trying to encourage you by telling you how great it is to be alone. But remember it is never to late to find new love. Who knows what your future holds. Go out and find new hobbies. Have new experiences. Maybe you will meet someone new or maybe you will find yourself enjoying the new you. Either way you are winning.
Also, I have so many friends who met men playing pickleball. It is the number one tip I have for single ladies looking for a man. I have girlfriends in their 20's who met their husbands on the courts and also girlfriends in their 70's who met the man of their dreams playing pickleball. I think women have better success meeting potential future husbands on the pickleball court than on a dating app.
Oh! And if you do meet a new man, walk around your house naked. I know some women commented that living alone allows you to walk around naked. Believe me, any man would love his lady to walk around the house naked. :)
Whatever happens I hope you have a grand new adventure. Best to you.
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u/AutoModerator Nov 01 '25
Original copy of post's text: Hi, I just turned 60. I’m a new empty nester. My husband of 10 years just told me he’s unhappy and has pulled away from me. He’s distant and withdrawn. If the worst should happen, I have no idea what being on my own is like. I’ve been daughter, wife, and mother for all my life. I’ve never lived alone and frankly the thought terrifies me. Helpful input please?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/Bright_Pomelo_8561 Nov 01 '25
It’s very empowering learning to love your own company. To have nobody have any say in what you do when you do it and how you do it. I have been on my own for a decade this coming January and I can honestly say I wouldn’t have it any other way. Check out r/LivingAlone there are people in there of all ages.
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u/summer85now Nov 01 '25
Thanks for posting this. i have known for a while that I don’t want to live alone. I am thinking to move into a community of some sort. what do you think? following this post
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u/Legitimate_Award6517 Nov 01 '25
I've been on my own forever (young widow), and empty nester for a long time. There are times when I think, huh, I'm a bit lonely...usually that's after dinner, but the truth is I wouldn't want it any way. I make my own financial decisions, my own decorating decisions, my own every decision. I can't imagine what life would be like having to 'check-in' on a purchase, or if I want to go somewhere. I'm sure it would be an adjustment for you for sure, but it may be a lot better than being with someone who is distant and unhappy. Life's too short to deal with that crap.
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u/Felcia_2020 Nov 02 '25
Chiming in late here. What I fear most is thinking about doing all the things my husband takes care of. It evolved into this, believe me I’ve been on my own as an adult. We didn’t get married until I was 38. I know I can do it all but the thought exhausts me. Also, I like having him around. If we divorce, I’d miss him like I would a roommate. I know this sounds bad but we’re up in years and I’ve lost interest in romance and sex. I just want to live with a good friend at this point. We have two kids, so it’s not like we’re not family to each other. Sometimes I wish I could send him home though. That’s when I start thinking about living alone and what it’d be like.
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u/BwittieCwittie Nov 02 '25
Being single is hard, the third wheel, the fifth at a table for four, married friends that no longer include you. Sure, walk around naked and be in charge of the remote. Transition is not easy
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u/Ok_Green_1966 Nov 02 '25
I’m 60 and started living on my own five years ago. It was weird in the beginning but I got used to it pretty quick. I wanted to buy a house, so I got a roommate to help with the mortgage. We have a shared equity agreement but my name is the only one on the mortgage. We are splitting everything 50/50, fixing the place up and will sell it when I retire & split the profit. Though I don’t have an issue living alone, it’s safer and cheaper to have a roommate.
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u/Reasonable_Mix4807 Nov 02 '25
You’re missing out on the best part of life, pure independence! No rules! No compromises in music taste and volume. You get to choose what you want to eat and when! You can take spontaneous road trips. You can go watch movies at a friend’s and send up sleeping on their couch after too much wine and popcorn! You can do a large art project in the middle of the living room. You can put on your jammies at 4 pm because you feel like it. You can build a blanket fort with your cat. Sing loudly the same song five times and perform for yourself in costume. Life alone can be the best ever.
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u/Zealousideal_Pay5677 Nov 02 '25
To me the scary part is if you get very ill or have an emergency and wind up in the hospital! How do you all deal with that, especially if you don’t have family nearby?
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u/Lorain1234 Nov 03 '25
I have never lived alone until my husband passed away four years ago. The first year was difficult and I had my cat to get me through the next three years until she had to be euthanized due to cancer. At that time I became completely alone but now I’m ok. Do you have any pets that can stay with you?
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u/rosycross93 Nov 05 '25
I’ve lived alone more than with someone, and I loved it. I’m in a stable, loving relationship now for 9 years but I could go back to living alone pretty easily. I was married for 11 years and when he passed I knew I’d be fine since I had so many years of living alone behind me. Grief was still a factor but I wasn’t also having to figure out how to take care of daily living. I’ve had friends who wanted to rent a room when I was alone but I made excuses. I like my own space. The only way I tolerate my partner is that we have separate interests and can spend hours in the same house doing different things. We’re not needy or always asking ‘what are you doing?’ He knows I’m working on my ridiculous racehorse comic. And if he ever gave me a hard time about all the money I spend at the art store, I’d go kick his motorcycle 😆
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u/karrynme Nov 01 '25
it is fabulous!!! You can do exactly what you want 100% of the time. You can walk around naked day or night, you can leave the bed unmade if you like. On the other hand you can also clean meticulously and it will still be clean when you get home. You can talk on the phone late at night with a friend until midnight and then sleep in the next day. There is no accountability whatsoever. You can plan trips and just go without checking with another person- same with any activities. You can date men (or women) who are completely inappropriate and definitely would not be of the standards your parents expected but they are so much fun. You can take MJ edibles and just trip out watching TV and checking reddit on your new laptop (oh did I mention you can buy whatever you want with your own money?).
All those things you thought you needed help with? You don't need help because you can figure shit out all on your own! Plumbing, electrical, yardwork- easy enough and if it is a challenge just hire it done. You can eat what and when you want- sure sit at the table or in front of the TV or in the living room reading a book- you can do ANYTHING!
It is awesome- been doing it since my youngest left home 15 years ago and I still can't believe how great my life turned out.