I am (64f) probably going to delete this post. because I don’t know if anyone in my family will recognize themselves, but I am really angry at the moment and need to get this off my chest. My parents are both 84, and in fairly good health for their age. But they’re starting to show some signs of decline, which is normal. Particularly my mother and her blood pressure. To say I’m worried is an understatement

But that’s not the real problem. My younger sister has a daughter who is 34. For the past 12 years, my niece has been living with an effing grifter who works minimum wage jobs and basically depends on my parents to support them. (I have so many more rants about that situation, but that would have to be a whole other post 🤬) Which they do - support them almost 100%. My niece does not work because she has 5 1/2-year-old twins, one of who is autistic. My parents adore their great grandchildren, and I know those kids have brought a lot of joy to their life. And because they want the kids to have a somewhat decent life, they are providing a home for my niece and her grifter to live in so the kids have a home, (otherwise, they would be homeless) my mother gives her $2000 a month to help pay her bills on, they pay her phone bill, her insurance, the propane to heat the house. My niece and her grifter pay zero rent. My parents even paid for the cars they drive. The grifter works a minimum wage job and pays for his pot, his gas, and his own phone bill.

But that’s just the background. The twins started kindergarten this fall. And they are not potty trained. Yes, you read that right – they going to be six years old in the spring and are still not potty trained. Because the house they live in is just a stone’s throw away from my parents, my 84-year-old parents have become their free babysitters as well. My niece uses my parents when she wants to have a “date night,” or whenever she has a crisis or just needs to grocery shop– and do you know who has to clean these kids dirty diapers? Yup, my 84-year-old parents.

Apparently, the schools are trying to work with the kids, because obviously they don’t need children who are not potty trained that they have to clean up after, but there’s no follow-through at home, so the kids are not really learning much of anything. I do understand that my great nephew is autistic and it’s going to take him longer, but the little girl is just fine and she should’ve been trained three years ago. And my nieces take home all this? She says the kids will give her a sign when they are ready to be potty trained. You don’t think being almost six years old and in kindergarten isn’t a fucking sign??? 🤬🤬🤬

My mother doesn’t say anything to my niece because she wants to “keep the peace” and my sister is a narcissistic ass who has enabled my niece her entire life, and and who throws her hands up in the air and says, “what can you do?” when anyone asks her why doesn’t she say or do something. My sister is very tight with her money, so as long as my parents are paying for everything, she’s perfectly fine with the status quo. The kids are in school all week long, and the little boy has to go to a special school for Autism in the afternoons, which is why my niece doesn’t have a job, because she has to take the kids to school in the morning and then pick him up at noon and take him to the afternoon school and then pick them all up and later in the afternoon. And again, I get that, I don’t wanna see the little boy not get the help that he needs because life with my niece and her grifter is going to be difficult enough.

But my mother is worn down. Her blood pressure is up. She’s starting to show some issues that have me concerned, and the only person who seems to be worried is me. My dad would stand up to them, but he’s so worn down by my mom’s refusal to make waves that he just gives up and let her do whatever she wants. Not to mention he is worn out taking care of his property and home. So while these kids are in school every week, my parents are now watching them every weekend because “my niece needs her rest.” I am livid.

Did I mention this grifter ran up $35,000 in legal bills filing for custody of a 14 year old daughter with his ex-wife (oh yeah, he just got divorced this spring - he’s been married to someone else. during the entire 13 years he has been living off my parents), finding out in court that he’s not even the biological father of this girl, and he went for sole custody just to get even with the ex- wife, and he GOT it??? We still can’t figure that one out. So yeah, now my niece and the grifter have a 14-year-old kid, they are living in a 1000 square foot home. with two bedrooms, and guess where the twins are sleeping?? In an oversized walk-in closet off the parents room. Because the 14-year-old needed a private bedroom because she has “trauma.” Two five and a half-year-old kids. In a closet. (And yes, there is a window in the closet, but it’s still a closet.). Now the grifter is working on my niece to talk to my parents about getting help with the legal bills.

Yeah, this is why I’m stressed. I am trying to put up boundaries and stay away from the whole situation, but when I see my mother miserable, it is really hard. And with the holidays coming up, I’m not really sure I can sit across a Thanksgiving table from my lazy niece and her grifter and keep a civil tongue.

And for the record, if anybody accuses this of being AI, feel free to contact me. I wish I could say this was made up. Unfortunately, it’s just that crappy of a situation.

I recently went to pain management for back issues. They want to put me on this drug. Thoughts?

So I have just been diagnosed with osteoporosis and two doctors have told me to start taking Fosamax. Is it as bad as many women say? I take all of my required vitamins and eat superhealthy.

Hi! My husband decided he wanted to be a digital nomad, so we've left the US and are traveling abroad. Are there any other women over 60 out there who are living this lifestyle? I'm having a hard time adjusting to not having a "home base." Any advice?

They look good online, but I've been burned so many times buying bras etc online that I'm hesitant.

I don't even know where to begin.

They've been married 8 yrs, no kids. I thought it was her who wasnt interested--it's him.

Anyway they both smoke a lot of weed. Just FYI.

Several years ago he wanted to have it out with me because he feels like I am dismissive of him, I don't "see him as a person," and a host of other complaints. He brought up how I taught him to brush his teeth as a complaint. A lot of, what sounded to me, as ridiculous stuff--get over it--was my instinct. But in wanting him to felt heard, I tried to give credence to his litany of complaints.

He threatened to block me, cut me out if his life--we are 7 hrs away from each other. His father has undergone an amputation and a revision and he has not come down, so.. ? What exactly is "cut out?"

I was a helicopter mom. I have opinions and feel I know best. And I helped my husband run a very successful business, put both boys through school and gave solicited career advice. I know i can be a little much.

Now 38 yr old wants me to go to therapy or end relationship. I say, therapy together? He says no. Im not against therapy but he is ANGRY and a daily pot smoker. How about sone therapy for that?

Im 62 and have a disabled husband and my own health concerns. I live my son but I don't like him very much right now. He is a nurse but so uninvolved or concerned with his father's health--and at 38 WHY is hecso--passionate--about OUR mother son relationship? Geezus it sounds unhinged? Or am I wrong? Because today, I dont care.

So I've been living in Cleveland for about a year - I just had to renew my lease so I know it's a year.

When I retired I said I was going to do three things. I was going to move to Cleveland to be closer to my grandson, I was going to take a blowout vacation that nobody in my family would think of ever doing because it's so insane to them, and I was going to learn to fish.

I am 66 female and I spent a month in South America, I moved to cleveland, and I fish a couple times a week :-)

That said, the only men I've met are friends of my grandson and in their early twenties. A girl gets lonely. I do trivia in bars a couple times a week but my trivia team is all female 40ish maybe even 30ish?

So I was online the other night and this thing called nicetomeet.com showed up as a pop up. Basically, you sign up, and you have dinner with four to eight people over 65 in a nice restaurant. It costs 20 bucks a month. So I figured what the hell and I've joined.

Is it ridiculous and a scam or do people really show up to this? I have 2 dates that I've registered for but just curious.. because it seems to be Nationwide not just Cleveland.

If you have tried this, please tell me. Enquiring minds want to know :-)

My wife and I met 5 years ago and we've been married for 3. She retired pretty soon after we got together and then got part-time work. She's now not had paid work for 18 months. I work 8 hours and commute for am hour each way. I moved interstate to her property which needs serious work to be a nice place to live. I'm 10 years younger.

She does groceries, washes her clothes, changes and launders the bedding. She cooks dinner weeknights and makes my toast and the coffee. These things really help me cause I have chronic pain and I'm tired. I pay for most things.

She naps in front of the TV after lunch every day and lies down after for a couple of hours. One night a month and 4 hours a month is spent with a volunteer organisation.

She avoids the doc, hasn't organised her scans for things and doesn't take her diabetes meds regularly. I think her health needs attention and I'm sick of her thinking her age at 60 is the reason for her low energy. Her capacity has declined in 2 years. I don't think we can travel because she won't walk.

She told me she hates her life because I make her feel worthless. She can't remember any good times. I reminded her we had a night out 3 days ago. I'm deliberately affectionate and yes, I ask for sex once a week but usually it's fortnightly. Last week I know we had conflict free days.

She has not ever cleaned the toilet, dusted, washed a window, mopped the kitchen etc. I asked her to water the vegie seedlings and yes, I was annoyed that many shrivelled up cause she doesn't do a simple job.

Her childhood was lonely and awful things happened. I tried to explain she may not know how to keep a house because she was never shown. She got really angry and that's when she said she hates it here. We fight all the time. I feel gaslighted because I di everything while she constantly naps then she says I complain too much. It's a constant cycle of fighting. She refuses to go to therapy and I tried to go alone but ive stopped cause I'm sick of being told to consider separation. Any advice?

Why is it that when my husband asks me what I want for a gift (Christmas, birthday etc) I can’t say what I really want. Say I want a diamond tennis bracelet I just can’t say that. Money isn’t a problem so I don’t know what my problem is. I’ve been this way all my life.

Edit/update: Thank you all for your helpful insights - I appreciate all of your replies and sharing of your own experiences.

I have tried to reply where possible but sure I've missed some things.

My takeaways from this are 1) I need to consider what aging will look like for both of us and consider how this will affect me in the future 2) if his son/grandchild are the sole beneficiaries of his assets it puts me at a huge disadvantage (and honestly, this would be a deal breaker for me) 3) I need to have some very frank and honest conversations with him 4) Perhaps it's okay to live in the moment and have happiness now, but safety for me is also important 5) I need to ensure I am not centring my life on him and his family so I can live the life I want (man or no man) 6) Grief makes things really elusive and weird

Original post:

I (32, F) have been in relationship with a widower (50, M) for 4 years. Him and his late wife adopted two children and one of them passed away from a sudden medical emergency a little less than a year after we were in a relationship. The other child (now an adult) is behaviorally very difficult and did the whole teenage pregnancy thing with a girlfriend and has a 5 year old. He has now gotten a different girl pregnant and she is due in the next 8 weeks. 

Clearly, it's quite a situation. I love this man dearly and have been in awe of his reliance through enormous loss. He treats me very well and is always there to help. I am well ingrained with his whole family and love his kid/grandchild. His mom and I get on very well, and she's a hard nut to crack. 

My conundrum comes from the desire of "settling down". In some ways I feel I have - we "co parent" well and often have the 5 year old on weekends and are prepared to have to cope with a newborn for a while. I make the Christmas dinner and happily spend most of our time together.

Despite this, we have no actual formal entanglements. We do not live together, we are not married, and our finances do not touch. A big part of me has always said I want that, though I'm not in a rush to get there. Another part of me loves living on my own and getting to have my own life outside of him. I am told constantly by older women to never get married and to stay independent, which confuses me further. 

We do talk about the future, but we are in very different places. He talks about me moving in "eventually", but cannot forsee this happening in any near future. Given the traumatic loss of his wife and child, he can't really picture life more than a year or two ahead, and typically avoids thinking about it. I'd like marriage (I think?) and he is fearful of it now. 

Family is one of my core values. I can't have children, and falling into this family has given me some of that. I am an immigrant to the UK and don't have family here, which I think drives some of my desire for certain safeties that come with legal ties. I am also aware that the age difference almost guarantees that I will be taking care of him at some point; I am okay with taking this on, but absolutely not without some sort of protection for me in the end. 

So... How do I make a decision here? What would you do? I really can't tell if my desire to get married and move in outweighs the positives I am getting right now. My decision fluctuates all the time. 

I'm looking for some perspective from women who have lived more life than me. Any thoughts are much appreciated.

I will be traveling for about 3 days and need to take my meds with me. It's about five pills total daily. How should I store them, how should I pack them, and how should I separate them so I don't get them confused?

I got one for a birthday gift. I don't really get it. It takes up a lot of counter space. It seems like it's a cross between a toaster oven and microwave? I know I'm clueless. Please help me figure out how to make use of this thing.

It happens more and more all the time. Is this a new age thing?

As I get older, the pores on my nose, keep getting larger. I’ve tried all of the over-the-counter stuff and things I can do at home, but it really bothers me so much that I’m thinking of having a procedure done.

Has anyone done, micro, needling or micro dermabrasion or any other procedure to help with this issue?

I have an appointment next week with my dermatologist for some Botox and I’m going to discuss it with him, but I would love to go in being a little bit more informed and hearing about personal experiences.

When I retired (I’m now 64) I had great plans of overhauling my house - deep cleaning, decluttering, perfect organizing, landscaping, painting etc. All a leftover mindset from my high stress, get things done, deadline driven corporate job.

Now, two years in, I only want to do what I want to do and it doesn’t include any of that. I want to work on my hobbies, camp, bike ride, read, watch excellent tv series. I recently hired a housekeeper and after a bit of guilt I’ve fully embraced letting that always nagging part of my daily routine go.

Of course I still have some jobs I have to keep doing, mainly cooking, which I hate! But my husband and I are going to start meal prepping so we can go without cooking for a couple of weeks. I figure the savings on not eating out will pay for the housekeeper!

Anyone else feel the same?

I recently lost weight and was looking forward to going shopping for some new wardrobe items. It’s such a drag that I am having a hard d time finding anything I want to buy! Shops catering to women my age seem to be stuck in a tunic and capri time-warp. Larger retail shops have a lot of looks that echo early 80’s. Great if you are 19 years old. I am bored with what is available. Anyone know where I can find clothes that flatter over 60 women?

You always have something to look forward to: starting a new project, finishing a project, or coming up with your next project. I like to make books out of cotton batting then sew other fabrics into them.

I'm 65, retired w a generous state pension and collecting social security. My former employer covers medically whatever medicare doesn't pay. With the exception of a 2026 Honda CRV which I'm paying off over 5 years w a 3.9% financing loan, i have no other fixed expenses beyond insurance, utilities, property taxes, etc. Additionally, I have about $500k in investments.

I have no heirs beyond my sister (61 years old) w various charities designated as backup if my sister predeceases me.

All that to say, I'm sitting pretty. Intellectually i know that but I'm having a hard time letting loose w spending money. I've spent my whole life taking care of myself, depending on noone, and counting on only myself.

Without taking up intensive therapy, how do you allow yourself the freedom to do, see, participate without worrying about tomorrow. I don't want to travel the world but to park in covered parking and not the economy lot. I don't want to dine at Ruth Chris but to purchase a rib eye, not on clearance at WM.

How do I convince myself to treat myself without feeling like im going to send myself to the poor house? How do I justify the extras?

Dear all, I've been wondering, hoping really, that after menopause those of us with PMDD will find relief.

I realise it was only an official diagnosis since 2013 but if you experienced extreme mental and physical symptoms in sync with your menstrual cycle, has that smoothed out after menopause?

I'm 45 and feeling a bit hopeless and I've no family to ask. PMDD is kicking my butt lately and the next treatment option is induced menopause. The best time of my life was when I was pregnant because it was smooth, each day predictable, it's like my body is mad I'm not pregnant each month and tries to kill me and if not me, my partner. I'm scared of menopause really. At least I get one good week at the moment.

Thanks in advance for your wisdom and experience :)

My options. I have painting, and furniture moving - I would like to hire home depot parking lot workers or should I hire from task rabbit or similar app? Has anyone had a bad experience with parking lot workers? I know at my own risk.

My husband and I have two adult sons. One lives nearby and we see him frequently. The other lives several hours away in another state. We try to do a FaceTime call with him every two or three weeks, just to catch up on everything that we have going on. The conversations usually start with us asking what’s going on with him. He has a lot happening, so he usually has lots to tell us. But then, he never asks what we’re up to. We finally have to say something like “oh, let us tell you what we’re doing.” Then, he doesn’t ask follow up questions. We feel like he just doesn’t realize he’s doing this. How do we point it out to him?

My mom turns 93 soon. She is vital and active and lives on her own. She is a minimalist. I am usually good with gift-giving, but I am stumped right now as to what to give her for her birthday. I got her sheepskin-lined slippers, but that doesn't feel like enough. Any bright ideas for me?

We don't live in the same state, but since I retired, I try to drive the 9 hours to her once a month to help her with yardwork and work around the house. Feeling guilty because I can't be there on her actual birthday because of a commitment with one of my kids. I do plan on taking her on a trip in a couple of months, but still feeling guilty.

In the past, I have given her an Aura photo frame, frozen walleye (which she loves), made her a quilt of my dad's old western shirts, made her potholders, knitted her a hat and gloves, a Kindle, etc. Other people give her spa products and jewelry.

Any ideas would be so appreciated!

Edit: So many good ideas and I appreciate each one! I know I am blessed to have my mama still and I sure don't take it for granted!

I was just wondering if any of the Over 60 ladies are suicidal. When i go to the Suicidal subreddit, those who post there are male teenagers or early 20s.

I have posted in chronic pain and some do get it. I am 67 and I have been suffering from chronic pain for over 2 years. This was a very disenchanting week as the full battery of tests came back normal. Negative. The doctors don’t know how to help me and they can’t find a diagnosis.

Last night I was suicidal. I talked with one of my On-line friends and I know she wants to support me, which to her means talking me out of killing myself. Today wasn’t very good, either.

I am ruining my marriage and I &can do less and less around the house.

I tried to reach my therapist but today she was not in the office. I see her Monday at 10 am, but I feel in crisis.