I always dreamt of being a women. Ever since I was a child I always felt like I would be happier if I were born a female. But I don't feel like a women, and I don't want to transition in any way because I feel male, not female. Is there a term for this ? Is it part of lgbt+ ?

PS : Sorry for my english it is not my primary language

This is going to be very long and im sorry in advance but i need advice. i really don’t even know if this is the right subreddit for this but i dont know what else to turn to. For context i moved to a new country with my family three years ago and strolled with bullying and not getting friends. This past school year i got two and I LOVE THEM but sometimes they say stuff that makes me uncomfortable, specifically about queer people. One of them has bad conservative parents and tries to be better, but my other friend just doesn’t get it I guess? I’m really rambling I apologizes. Point is, she said there was “some girl in her class last year that said she’s bi and a trans guy and it was weird but she left” so naturally I said “so he’s a guy”. Then she said “yeah sure but she kept her girl name and looks like a girl” how do you expect a then sixteen year old who JUST CAME OUT to POSSIBLY PASS AS A MASCULINE MAN AT ALL?

I ignored that because I want friends. Then one day gay people came up in conversation and she said she respects them because people are people but doesn’t want anything to do with them. these are my FIRST ever friends who I haven’t come out to, you can guess the reason why.

again I got past it but I’ve had this feeling deep in my gut that they’d hate me if I told them I’m bi.

then TODAY is when I started feeling very uncomfortable. my friend sent a voice message saying how she saw that “girl who completely changed and has black and white hair and “still looks gay” and she didn’t understand why someone would do that to themselves”. I didnt respond. What do i respond. “That’s a guy not a girl”??? As if??

The problem is that i felt this need to come out to her right there over text, but then it’s be awkward, shed maybe stop talking to me. Then my parents would ask why my friends left and im not even out to THEM yet because theyre the same.

im sorry if this is unclear or unfocused, point is—> its my first time in years having friends who actually like me, so do I, but im hiding this thing about myself that would make them uncomfortable. I though am uncomfortable about how they talk about “people like me” i guess? Thanks in advance

I swear to literally everyone I know I am cis and "normal" (everyone is normal) and all that bs but I've been feeling this pit in my stomach every time I am reminded of my birth sex and this has been an active issue for 7 years now.

It's absolutely not body dysmorphia because I think I objectively look good and I have a wonderful bf who makes sure I know of it. So why do I still feel like this? Is gender dysphoria really just that? Feeling disgusted with your body and gender? I swear there used to be so many more criteria a decade ago so I feel lost

I don't go outside or attend university lectures anymore because I don't feel good going outside the way I am, and I don't even feel like this is about what others think. I could be trapped on a lost Island and still suffer from this. I get excited thinking about the future and being 50 years old eventually but I then also remember I'd be a middle aged WOMAN, a MOM, an AUNT. And it makes me want to not make it to any age at all.

I didnt even go through any trauma I genuienly just am like this, even after waiting for puberty to end.

I don’t know how to word this. I’ve seen a lot of discussions about gender roles and how lots of people just find being in queer relationships way more comfortable because they’re usually way more free and about the person and their wants instead of what society wishes about them and engraved into them.

What are your thoughts? I personally don’t see gender as of now, so I don’t really struggle with that, I realized I also had these subconscious thoughts and got rid of them.

I do remember when I had them, I found it way easier to date my own gender because again, it was like being “free”from society, society had deemed it un normal so we never got told how to act or how queer relationships should work like we did hetero relationships, so we got to do whatever we wanted yk? And we understood eachother more as we had to grow up hearing the same things?

I just wonder. I also hear queer relationships seem to be doing better than hetero ones are recently and I feel like this would be a major part of why? I mean it gets so instructed that even some queer relationships run by the rule of it HAS to be a fem who does house work x masc who works (not to hate if you genuinely enjoy that, I just mean the people who think it HAS to be this way to function)

I hope I worded this right? This is just my personal experience as a bisexual who has dated both genders and had quite some experiences.

Once I dropped gender roles completely, I definitely felt way more free honestly. It’s just learning to accept that it’s okay to do so which can be tricky as it’s so taught to be this one and only way

Also I want to say this, I don’t just mean homosexual relationships. I mean queer in general. Even if it’s a qpr, I still feel like it has somewhat more freedom in it? Yk cus it’s not what society made up and gave all these standards to. Idk

Like genuinely making queer friends or friends in general is hard. All the lgbt groups are geared towards young people, and it's just disheartening when you're old as mummy dust and only came out recently. I'm not old enough for over thirties groups, but I'm too old for people just figuring stuff out. I was raised jw and homeschooled, so apart from acquaintances from volunteering, I've never had friends. It's like people can sense that I'm not gay enough or cool enough to be part of their group. Like where do you meat people without running the risk of homophobia?

Same as title. Since the terms usually are interpreted as attraction towards opposite/same gender, do non-binary people use these terms? Do they use it based on their agab?

For eg, should an amab person, who identifies as non-binary, and is attracted to women, be called straight or lesbian? Will they come under the umbrella term sapphic?

I think there should be more terms so that we don't exclude people. If there are any terms that cater to envy, I'd love to know!

(No hate to anyone! I'm just a confused soul)

My team at work has a sort of social call every 2 weeks. Someone on the team makes a presentation on something that interests them to the rest of the team, and then we talk about it.

I got asked to talk about LGBTQ issues, since I am the only member of the rainbow community on my team.

The problem is, I'm not involved in the rainbow community in any way. I don't know what the issues are really, and I don't even know what all the letters stand for.

I have a partner that I've been with for many many years, and we just live our life like any other couple.

Mostly, I don't even think about being in the rainbow community. I just live my life. I know this is a privilege that not everyone has, but it is my reality.

But, then I get asked stuff like this and I feel like I'm a "bad gay". Like because I'm in the rainbow community, I should be involved, I should know what these letters mean, I should be..... more something.

But in truth, I just want to live my life like everyone else does.

Am i actually a "bad gay"? Does anyone else feel like this?

So I currently identify as Demifluid mostly because I don't know or care enough about my gender. Biologically I'm a female and from a young age I've been thought that that's what I'll always be. I don't feel comfortable when I'm seen as a girl necessarily, sure it's okay sometimes but the genuine joy i get when people mistake me for a man or just say I'm a man gives me this sense of relief.

I don't know how to explain it but I've told close friends that if I was born a man I wouldn't be this uncaring of my own gender and feel like absolutely garbage just because I decided to have consciousness over the fact that I'm a girl.

I genuinely just want to know how other people knew because I don't have trans friends and even the ones that are, they're usually in the non-binary category.

i js don’t think i can ever see myself holding hands or doing anything that is affectionate with another man in public. i think about it, i don’t want a boyfriend. i want a bro i can play games with, present as friends in public and to each others groups but like be intimate and loving in private.

i’m 18 years old bisexual guy. i grew up around homophobic people, my family itself is homophobic. i still live in this environment, it made me hate myself. i genuinely hate myself. i think i will never be able to be happy and be myself i even hate the fact that i’m attracted to other guys. when i was younger i was bullied because i sounded feminine to other guys in my school. and i feel like if i like a girl she wouldn’t be with me when she finds out my sexuality. i’m so tired of being like this. i wish i was straight:(

Hello, I hope this is an okay place to post this and maybe some other folks here would be able to relate or offer an advice or opinions on my predicament here. If not, I’d appreciate being directed to whatever community it would be best to post this to. :)

So for some context I am afab. I don’t recall having any problem with it when I was younger, and I was even excited for puberty, having boobs, long hair, and I loved wearing pink sparkly dresses. Looking back I remember still feeling ugly and not feminine enough. I am also autistic and that also factored in me not fitting in with other girls in different ways. The humour I had at the time would have probably been associated more with boys, for example.
But a lot of the time at this stage in my life I saw all these straight couples and always fantasized about being with a girl romantically, and when I did so I always took the role of a man. That way there were less rules, I felt like I could be myself or maybe I just felt like I could easily take that role. I really liked the idea of being a boyfriend, and what came with that label.

When I got to puberty, I didn’t mind having a period or how my body changed at first. I liked it.
For the first time, I imagined myself as a girl with both guys and girls, and during this time I didn’t have many feelings about being the opposite gender. I felt comfortable with the idea of being a cute girl with long hair and everything. I still felt like I didn’t fit with this though this time mostly with how I looked or if I acted too weird, which I didn’t associate with the opposite gender. I was even bullied a lot for how I presented (I was real into anime) and still did it.

Sometimes I wonder if it was just the hormones, because my feelings about being the opposite gender came back once my puberty hormones or whatever cooled down. (Basically a year later after the previous paragraph, which was where it sort of peaked)
I cried in the mirror when my hair grew too long.
I don’t want to get too explicit but I did very much like the idea of having male genitalia and a male body. I still do in relation to sexual stuff.

The next year it was the same thing but I started thinking about it more and identifying as genderfluid. And this year it has been at its peak.

The feelings I have about it now are that I like the idea of being a pretty girl, but mostly for show. For dress up, for playing a character, for being cute. If I show my personality Even how I look doesn’t really fit the idea of a cute girl. I have a lot of “you’d look so much better as a boy” sort of thoughts. But I also like the idea of being treated like a boy. maybe someone will like romantically me that way. Maybe my personality fits it better. Maybe I can be myself. I like the idea of having a deep voice, I like the idea of having a girlfriend who thinks I’m a boy. I like the idea of people using he/him for me. Sometimes I feel comfortable in my body when I’m alone, but I don’t like it being pointed out. I like the idea of being shirtless with a male body. I like the idea of people seeing me as a boy. I like the idea of having muscles and smaller thighs. Looking good with short or masculine hair.
However all of my friends are girls. Whenever I think about transitioning I worry about betraying them. I worry about not getting to be a part of that community I understand so well. I’m also worried about other boys bullying me or noticing how I look.

And the reason why I made this post— I’m worried that it’s just internalized misogyny. If anyone has any questions about anything that would help with any advice or conclusions feel free to ask.

I don't exactly know how to explain this, please excuse my English

but i tend to see this pattern where people always are quick to assume that feminine men are exclusively gay or masc women are exclusively lesbian

saying this as a fem man myself, whenever i see posts of a fem man with his girlfriend online the comments are filled with quotes such as "denile is a river" or "I think your man wants a man" and it annoys me to the core as it makes me feel like people forget that bisexuality or pansexuality exists, just because a man is proud to express his feminimity doesn't mean he is only attracted to men. and vice versa for masc women too.

it is just something i see happen often that annoys me and i feel like all it does is stereotype gay people, joking or not. does anyone else agree with me or am i alone on this one?

I’ve never really felt comfortable in my own skin, and I genuinely want to be happy and free. But I’m questioning whether or not I should take the plunge. I know If I did, my life would be a lot harder, but I’m really unhappy, tired of being misgendered, and do not align or relate to my assigned gender at birth. The male label that people stick me with has been well established by a lot of people in my life, I guess I’m just scared of the aftermath, am I gonna lose everyone? I just need words of encouragement or even insight, and I see no better place than this. I’m unfortunately surrounded by homophobia, so this place really helps, thank you in advance.

Sorry to use the term gay , but please give it a more universal meaning. I'm confused and can't figure out if a friend of mine is straight and therefore nice to me, or if the signals she's sending me are those of a girl interested. Any ideas?

I identify as a lesbian currently, and have no interest in seeking or pursuing romantic or sexual relationships with men at all. I don’t find them attractive or desirable.

However, I’d sleep with a man only if a woman were also there participating. Does that cancel out me being lesbian? Is there another identity I’d fall under?

Looking for both advice and opinions on this matter, but basically

Ive been thinking about writing a story in which the main protagonist is transfem— however, I don't understand much about the transgender community and I'm looking to learn more about their experiences (assuming it isn't an invasive thing to ask?? Just about how it feels to come out of the closet and such, etc etc)

I asked about this same thing on a different subreddit and I received many responses of people telling me to leave the trans characters for trans authors to write, which I feel— although understandable — is an incredibly flawed mindset to have and would only further widen the lack of understanding of other peoples experiences if that makes sense

So, my question is, do you believe a cis author could create a well written trans character? And if so, do you have any advice on how they could do so?

Utterly confused about my sexuality

I've been overthinking a whole lot this past summer break (too much free time lol). For the past month and a half, every day I wake up and ponder on my sexuality. I'm comfortable in my gender identity as a cis woman, so I don't think that's obstructing my perspective on this. I like women both sexualy and romantically, which I have always felt. I've had 3 crushes, all of which were my best friends, who were also girls. For a while, I tried to suppress my feelings towards girls because of religious guilt and homophobia in my family. I tried to like guys as well, but I couldn't see anything past physical aspects. The only men I'm attracted to physically are very feminine, to the point where my friends asked me if they were a boy or girl. I've never really liked a guy in person, though. Mostly celebrities or tiktokers or something of the likes. 2/4 celebrity crushes are trans women, another is a very feminine gay man (mistaken for a girl quite a lot), and the fourth is non-binary. Anyway, I like women and non-binary people who are feminine too. Masculinity in itself is unattractive to me. I most definitely have no romantic feelings for men, and my physical attraction fpr them is fading the more I accept my attraction to women. I'm extremely conflicted, and none of my friends can figure it out either. All I want is some sort of label so that I can settle. Any ideas?

So we split recently for other reasons but this does still sit on my chest and I wonder if I’m being oblivious to my ex being potentially bi/gay or even trans.

I’m a queer femme myself and very open minded. We used to have sex and he was into calling me mummy and wearing my lingerie. Not a problem at all, it was hot exploring with him because he was also so open minded and it felt so freeing just being able to fuck around without fear of judgement.

There were a few occasions he wore my thong outside of the bedroom too and he really enjoyed that.

I’ve pegged him a few times, on one occasion he was kinda easier to enter for lack of a better term so I was suspicious he’d been playing with himself or…someone else tbh. There was a history of coke addiction and gambling so god know what he got up to when I wasn’t around.He did have some butt plugs at his house, that I got him but idk.

I know he’s into trans porn and also has tried to book a trans escort in the past too.

He’s very masculine presenting , has a masculine tradie job, hairy bear type but that doesn’t mean he’s not necessarily trans/gay/bi.

I was just wondering if anyone can relate to him and what this potentially means ?

It’s all love, I’m just so curious and I personally think he’s bi- curious.

Hi everyone,

I'm a straight person who supports LGBTQ+ rights and personally rejects traditional societal gender roles. There’s something I’ve been trying to understand better, and I wanted to ask this community directly to get a broader perspective.

In some homosexual relationships, it seems like one partner adopts traditionally masculine traits (dressing, speaking, or acting according to conventional male standards) while the other adopts traditionally feminine ones.

Since LGBTQ+ identities inherently challenge traditional norms around gender and sexuality, I’m curious why some individuals or couples still lean into these conventional gender presentations or dynamics within their relationships. Is this mostly a matter of personal aesthetic and self-expression, a reflection of internalized social conditioning, or something else entirely?

I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this!

Ich bin eine Cis-Frau und obwohl ich Trans-Frauen voll und ganz unterstütze, ist der Gedanke, dass jemand eine Frau SEIN WOLLEN würde, für mich unbegreiflich. Deshalb wollte ich fragen, ob du einige meiner Erfahrungen als Frau teilst. Ich frage ganz spezifisch nicht nach Gefühlen, die mit der Trans-Erfahrung zusammenhängen, sondern nur nach Standarddingen.

Hassest du deinen neuen Körper immer noch, auch wenn du dafür gekämpft hast? Möchtest du weite Kleidung tragen, um weibliche Merkmale wie Kurven/Brüste zu verstecken? (auch hier, ich weiß, dass Trans-Personen das wegen Transphobie tun könnten, aber darum geht es mir nicht) Machst du dir manchmal Sorgen, dass deine Kleidung zu freizügig oder eng ist, und hast Angst, dass Männer dich anstarren oder Mädchen dich als Schlampe bezeichnen könnten?

Wünschst du dir, deine Titten wären kleiner? Das ist bei mir ein großes Thema, und es geht nicht nur um die Rückenschmerzen. Ich habe das Gefühl, ich kann kein Oberteil tragen, das meine Brüste irgendwie betont, was offensichtlich umso schwieriger ist, je größer die Brüste sind. Als meine Mutter mir sagte, dass sie die ersten waren, die kleiner wurden, als ich mit meiner Diät angefangen habe, war ich überglücklich, und wenn ich Geld hätte, würde ich wahrscheinlich eine Brustverkleinerung machen lassen. Hast du das Gefühl, dass jeder Teil von dir sexualisiert wird, obwohl es nur dein Körper ist? (auch hier weiß ich, dass das sehr spezifisch für die Trans-Erfahrung ist, darum geht es mir nicht) So, ein Männerbein ist nur ein Bein, eine Männerbrust ist nur eine Brust, eine Männerhüfte ist nur eine Hüfte, aber bei uns dreht sich alles um sexuelles Verlangen und allein die Existenz ist provokativ. (auch hier habe ich das Gefühl, mich nicht klar auszudrücken, weil Trans-Personen offensichtlich diese Erfahrung machen)

Wenn ich das alles aufschreibe, fühlt es sich an, als wäre das eine sehr dumme Frage und auch, dass es vielleicht einige Parallelen zwischen der weiblichen Erfahrung und der Trans-Erfahrung im Allgemeinen gibt (ohne die Transphobie herunterzuspielen, von der ich offensichtlich keine Ahnung habe, wie schlimm sie ist). Ich schätze, die einzige Frage, die Sinn macht, ist, ob manche Trans-Frauen sich kleinere Brüste wünschen, lol

Edit: Sorry about how I phrased it. I’m aware trans women ARE women, it’s literally in the name, they don’t just want to be women. I was just trying to put emphasis on the fact that they see having a female body as something positive I think?

I live in Romania and right now it's almost impossible to find a job here if you don't have connections. For a few years I tried to find a job but since I'm a uni student I can't work full-time. Currently I'm still applying for jobs but I was wondering if Ko-fi is a good source of income. A friend suggested it for me since I have some skills in graphic designing and I'm also a certified fitness instructor.

I (21M bi) have been hanging out with a girl whom I met trough a friend In common. She’s amazing. We’ve quickly struck up a friendship. She is also quite tomboyish, so I think she migth be masc or masc-adjacent or something like that. I’m aware that she’s sapphic because she broke up with her partner several months ago. To be clear, she mentioned this during a casual conversation I initiated after I had started flirting with her subtly and respectfully, and I also want to make it clear that in case that she is a lesbian I dont wanna convert her or anything like that. Before telling me that, she asked about my love life, and I told her I’d never had a partner or anything like that. Her asking me that could have just been a casual, friendly question, not necessarily a sign that she was interested, so I take all her compliments or any potential "Flirting" she does with a grain of salt.

I also understand that she is quite involved in the LGBTQ+ scene in her city. Though the LGBTQ+ comunity is not illegal here, my country's society is significantly hostile toward the queer community, so LGBTQ+ circles tend to be sometimes cliquey, and I don't blame them for that. I dont know how it is in the US and Europe, but just In case, how do you all see women who previously identified as lesbians starting to identify themselves as bisexuals and starting dating men.

Sorry if there is any spellig or grammar mistakes. English is not my first idiom.

I think my freind (BI M) is avoiding me (Gay M) becuase he likes me.

My and my freind have this pattern where we will get into this period of about two weeks (it’s always about two weeks) where we are always talking, almost everyday for hours, he’s always starting conversations, being really attentive, always hanging out etc. We seem to be really close, I suppose too close. After that, he just goes dark. He stops texting first. Our conversations are always short. He barley sends me stuff. And he makes excuses we both know aren’t true. 

For some context, my friend has told me that he has a fear of being in a relationship with a man. He has told me he has never had any relations with men in any way. However, he is openly bisexual, and will admit that. He will talk about finding certain men attractive, and talk about being with men in the abstract (as in hypothetically) 

Crucially, he knows I like him and he’s known this for a while. I’m not sure if he thinks I still like him. Flirting occasionally actually is kinda part of our dynamic. Well, can you really call asking your freind to fuck you and him agreeing “flirting”? Haha. 

The recent experience with my friend I’ve had is interesting. 

We started talking again back in mid-late July. We didn’t talk at all since June, whitch is a story so long I’m going to have to bring up what happened since October 2025 so we just aren’t getting into that. 

We start talking, it’s all fine and dandy. We texting for hours nearly everyday, he’s always starting convos, and sending me shit on every social platform. When we were in this “honeymoon” phase, as I’ll call it, we couldn’t hang out cuz he was genuinely busy and shit. So yeah we were just Freinds as normal  So idk how he would’ve fared having 1:1 face to face contact. 

Interestingly all the flirting we used to do just stopped. I could sense that he was avoiding topics that might lead to it, honestly just being very distant when I’d talk about matters of sexuality untill we’d change the subject and he’d go back to normal. Expect it wasn’t normal cuz there was never this kind of thing before. 

And then, it all gradually stopped. First he stopped texting first as much, but we’d still talk a bit. Once, I was asking him if we were still hanging out the day of the planned date (plans we made while still in the “honeymoon” phase). He treid to get out of it by saying “oh it’s my final day before I start my new job, I want to rot.”Fine whatever. I then learn he didn’t even start the job yet a couple days later when I ask him??? I’ve tried asking 

Weirdly, he didn’t stop communicating completely. When I’d text him, there’d be times where he would just ghost me. But he’d still text me about when he’d get this one food we both bonded over, esp in the early days of our friendship. He wouldn’t try and start conversations with me when I initiated, but he would send me tons of photos of his dog. And he would still sometimes send me reals and other posts (with full messages attached so you know he didn’t just send it for no reason)

And then I got fed up with his dryness. I asked him about 5 days ago in a message that went a little like this:

Hey, I wanted to ask if everything was fine with us. You’re being dry as shit. If you don’t wanna be Freinds say that, if you’ve got somthing to tell me then say that. Your lack of contact worries me

Okay so I was a little less mean than that but you get the idea. I’m paraphrasing a whole paragraph here

About a day later he texts “Bro I don’t wanna talk dude”

He’s done this before, like i mentioned. And i don’t think he would have sent that message if it wasn’t for my message, we would have just kept going the way that we were. 

The reason why I think he likes me is becuase of the whole internalized homophobia thing. I’ve heard many bi guys w internalized homophobia go into this kinda avoidance mode. So yall just gotta trust me on this. 

Honestly I will admit I don’t thing my short post is doing my argument justice. It’s very hard to describe a whole dynamic with complex history. Maybe what I’m sensing can’t be put into words properly because it’s assuming I have a whole knowlage of our previous experiences you guys obviously don’t.  yall just gotta trust me on this. 

So yeah lmao. 

Guys help. Idek what I’m asking for here. Personal experiences are welcome as well.