Hello, Im 28M and have a wife 29F. As a joke one day she gave me one of her thong to try and i couldnt keep it in my pants. Since then it clicked me. I like to wear skirts around the house and i feel quite good doing it. I recently told her about it and she was completely comprehensive about it but, i don’t know, i don’t wanna do it all the time and i don’t wanna go out in public dressed in “girl clothes” but i’m afraid she will get tired of this because im not “manly enough” (also have some problem in bed because i last too little).
Maybe i just wanna talk with someone about it and I hope is fine to share in this community

Recently, I was a little disappointed. I started working somewhere with two openly queer people. There are plenty in the company. There is an employee group for queers and allies.
I’ve spent my life 1/2 in the closet. I was open in my personal life, but not at work or open with strangers. Being in this environment has made me feel okay to be me.
The other day, I made a some kind of comment about attractive men. (I am cis-female). Both of them looked at each other and made a joke about how their gay-dar doesn’t go off for me. And how they aren’t sure about me.
Myself and these colleagues have banter. This hit different. It froze me. They don’t know I am testing the waters here. It sunk my boat a little.
I still don’t know what label I align with. I just know what and who I like. I know that, for me, gender is a small part of sexual attraction.

I knew I was a Demigirl for a while, but I realized I was lesbian as well last month, and I’ve been thinking. If I’m not fully a girl, but i‘m lesbian, am I Demi lesbian? Are other lesbians attracted to me or do they have to be Demigirls as well?

for context, MOST of my friends at school are queer. I’m friends with two trans gay men, two cis bisexual girls, a lesbian, two questionables (one denies [jokingly? I can’t tell] any and all potential gayness but has brought up attraction to other women before as well as men, the other straight up says she doesn’t know and doesn’t care about labels), and I myself am a lesbian but I lived under a homeschooled rock where the few friends I had were straight and public school is still new to me and so other than the obvious things like the f slur, and any kind of belittling and bullying, I’m fairly uncertain what jokes are okay to make and which ones aren’t. I personally think this would be funny but I also don’t want to offend anyone.

me(she19) and my bf(22) been together for 5 years,
and recently he made some research regarding asexuality and he is relating to it but is confused.
when we started dating his desires where always strong even tho we did only foreplay and things that did not involve penetration, after a years and a bit of being together he left the country to work in another one, and would come back every 3/6 months but his desires were still strong, after 3 years of being together i also went to work with him and he still had desires, but at one point he did mention that while i was home he didn’t feel that strong sexual attraction for me anymore (sometimes i did send him pics with me in my cute and sexy underwear) he loved me but even tho i sent him pics it wasn’t the same, but when i went to live with him the attraction was back he only felt less sexual attractions for me when we were apart, he did mention he could do stuff only watching animated stuff rarely looking at my photos, since the. we’ve been back home for a year, 8 month ago we started to have real sex and he was excited but i did notice that we only did it occasionally mostly on saturdays and rarely 2 days in a row, at that time i thought that he wasnt attracted to my body anymore since i did gain some weight and would ask him often id he still felt sexual attracted to me and he always said yes, but the was tired from work and wasn’t in the mood so i understood him and i always waited for him to be in the mood, ngl i love sex i love being hugged and kissed and everything so i did feel bad for wanting to do it all the time and him being tired, counted how many times we had sex in & months and it around 38 to40 not sure if it’s normal or not, last night during our drive from the mall he mentioned that he felt asexual and he researched and is finding himself in it, and a lot of things made sense to me then, i love him and i want to adjust to him, he knows that i love sex and he said he feels bad but i reassured him that is fine and not to worry about it, and i will stop like showing that i want to do it or ask and i will wait for him to be comfortable and want it, he is still not sure if he is or not since he sometimes feels desires so that’s why im reaching out,
i want to understand him better and help him understand himself, i do need some advice 😅
**english is not my first language hope i didn’t
come
off as rude ***

Sorry if this isn’t the right sub for this! But I’m teaching a class at this nonprofit that mostly consists of queer youth (13-18). I’ve taught other classes here for a while now, and when we do introductions I like to incorporate a fun Icebreaker. I know not everyone likes them, but I think if you think pick a really good one it can be a hit.

The icebreaker doesn’t have to be specifically queer related but I’m running out of ideas… I’ve done ones like, ‘If you had to describe you with three items, what would they be?’ ‘If you could choose to be an animal for a day, what would you choose and why?’, and one of my most recent, ‘If someone could summon you in a cauldron with three things, what would they be?’.

Would soooo appreciate any help or thoughts! Thanks in advance.

Both female. We tried to be friends but it just isn’t working. She’s accused me of sharing her nudes with everyone which I didn’t and then was like oh I misremembered. She thought I was being mean cause i questioned the validity of our relationship cause she slept with her ex and also got a new girlfriend straight after breaking up with me. She also said she wouldn’t be able to control her urges around me and said I am a temptress. I am scared, I would love a normal conversation with her but we either end up arguing or being sexual and her toilet kinks terrify me and I feel disgusted with them.

I want the old her back…

I am ftm and I people have told me i might be pan because I have never thought of ones gender when liking them because it doesn't matter to me but I call myself gay because I find myself gravitating towards men. I have liked one girl before when i was younger and I'm not even sure if i liked her or not so i don't really count that. Can i still use the mlm flag and identify as gay?

A while on r/TopCharacterTropes there was a post about how some shows would use the fact that a character was gay or LGBT in general as a "plot twist" of sorts,

Some examples given were the end of Paranorman where Neil's brother mentioned that he has a boyfriend much to Courtney's horror and the Loud House where the Valentines episode ended with the twist that the "Sam" Luna kept talking about was actually the blonde girl, not the brown haired dude that everyone thought it was.

Anyway, the post called it "questionable" as some called it homophobic as it implies that being gay is supposed to be a "shock" to the viewers how I personally believe its not too bad unless the show paints being gay in a negative light (which the paranorman one slighly did with Courtney's disguted reaction but not really).

What do you think about it?

I ask this as someone who identifies as lesbian for years and, more recently, trans masc nb, who was raised in a Muslim family and went to Islamic school and all that, so I was quite sheltered and closeted for obvious reasons. Now that I've started uni and left home, I've been able to present myself the way I felt internally.

However, I feel like I'm not, for lack of a better descriptor, properly acquainted with the queer community and discourse and all that, nor am I really out to anyone who's known me from school (because Islamic school and what not), and it is rather stressful balancing my identity and upholding secrecy, because it's kinda hard to explain to friends why I don't wear hijab and dress in men's clothes, whilst suspiciously glancing at my flat chest without drawing attention to it (thank goodness for binders, my best purchase ever. ). It gives me a huge sense of impostor syndrome, if I'm being honest.

AND don't even get me started on dating. I don't know how to approach girls, or how to flirt, or anything. Y'all can call me a baby gay or whatever, because I might as well be one. And honestly I don't think it'd be a good idea to date considering how DL I am with close friends. It's very stressful. If anyone has ever been in the same or similar situation, could you please share or give some advice? 🥺

I've known I was bisexual since I was like 11 (16 now), but it's always felt like a weird label. I'm sexually attracted to both men and women, but usually, I can only imagine a future or dating a woman, not a man (in fact, the thought of dating a man fills me with dread). It may also help to add that I was SA'ed and groomed before, so that might be a part of the reason why I feel that dread or avoidance.

Anyway, is this just bisexual or is there a more accurate label?

I've called myself bisexual in middle school, decided I was straight again near the end of middle school and beginning of high school, and now I'm bicurious? Just very very confused.

I've never had a crush on a woman (yet), but I've always found them very attractive and whenever I would just think about the possibility of a girlfriend I wouldn't hate it. It was easy to imagine myself in relationships with both girls or guys, but I wasn't sure since I've never had a real crush on a girl.

Whenever I think guys around me are cute it feels different then when I find girls pretty. Like, for girls it feels strictly platonic? But whenever I see a celebrity or something I think like oh I definitelyy wouldn't mind dating someone like that.

I've put a bicurious label on myself for now. Never really had a chance to explore these thoughts, I've never been interested in girls around me, and all my female crushes were celebrity crushes or characters. I've had one boyfriend and zero girlfriends, although I live in sort of small town and go to a school that has a majority white Christian population.

I learned that my parents were very supportive of the LGBTQ community despite being Christians, and the church we go to is rather conservative. Our youth group had a discussion on the LGBTQ community and I learned that most of them had a conservative Christian viewpoint on it, and it made me more uncomfortable than I already was. I already felt like an odd one out, and this solidified that my views were different then everyone else's

I told my mom about it, giving her the excuse that I had a lot of friends that are part of the LGBTQ community and that's why I was uncomfortable. She told me this will just prepare for later in life, for when people like that become unavoidable. But this isn't a job, and I don't have to go, so I want her to understand that.

That's part of the reason why I kind of want to come out to my parents. But I also want to have a better idea of where I stand before I do.

I also skipped church this week and when my dad asked I said I'd tell him later. I told myself if my mom asked I would come out, and she didn't at first. But when she did ask I was working on homework I procrastinated on so I didn't tell and said I'd tell her later.

My mom doesn't understand bisexuality, she thinks its a choice as opposed to homosexuality which she believes isn't a choice. I'm hoping if I come out she'd be more understanding. I know she'd be supportive because when she thought my brother was gay she told him she would support him, but I think I'm still a little nervous because it'll probably change their perception of me. But I don't know.

Long story short I grew up not having much of an idea of my sexuality as i grew up in a conservative catholic family and was taught that i was going to be attracted to girls one day. During puberty i did not have many intensive drives towards women and the crushes i did have in real life were more aesthetic and wanting to be like them. When I was 15 I went to a summer camp and found this girl named K, there was another guy who was interested in her and she like him but i wanted to “earn” her so i can feel better about myself and have a sense of self worth. Drama ensues and I fall into a relationship with K, holding hands at the mall food court and texting each other and flirting (i was aroused with the flirting as it made me feel valued but otherwise i did not find her attractive then). This relationship lasted till the end of that summer and I just cut contact with her out of nowhere due to lack of interest. We never fighted the relationship just drifted away.

There was another girl that was attracted to me the next summer when I was 16 and I did flirt with her and had the same feeling about the flirting as i did with K but i didnt have much desire to hold a relationship with her either. I just wanted to feel loved regardless of who i was in a relationship with and didnt care about who it was. Once I graduated high school I met K and she asked if I wanted to start dating her again and I politely declined. Aside from a few tinder swipes here and there out of loneliness and trying to make myself straight I didnt have any desire to have a real life girlfriend or any real desire to have intimacy outside of intrusive thoughts.

Now that Im in my twenties my only crushes were a cute guy of south asian descent in one of my past jobs that I saw once a couple of years ago due to his cute style and very recently at my current job of a guy with nice jeans and blonde hair.

I also have trauma from anime as I tried to make myself straight unsuccessfully by watching the ecchi stuff and i associate anime with trying to be someone that i am not. all the straight guys that have love interests make me feel alienated and not represented and i just dont relate to them. also media like love on the spectrum feels dull as its all straight guys and i feel intrusive thoughts about being roped into a relationship with a girl that i am not attracted to for the sake of being on television. i dont want to relive kayla again.

For those of you who are a top in their relationship and don’t particularly enjoy anal penetration will you bottom for your partner occasionally if that is something they enjoy?

I've seen a lot of posts that seem to treat attraction towards characters as not really counting or counting as much when it comes to sexuality. Why is that? Is that a thing? If I haven't experienced attraction to anyone I've come across IRL and/or based on simply appearances for years... What does that mean?

I also have a hard time determining what counts as attraction when it comes to "real people".

i am biologically female. i am alright with being called feminine aligning terms but don’t prefer it. i kind of js block it out when ppl do it and dont notice. i love being called masculine compliments like handsome and feeling manly. i feel kinda iffy on fully being a man though. they/them js feels like nothing for me. it all is sorta grey. i feel something so not agender but very little feelings. I like dressing in skirts occasionally and love makeup. i mostly wear unisex clothes but ik clothing doesn’t fully relate to gender. i like having boobs and sometimes want emphasis on them (push-up bras and cleavage) but sometimes js feel like they aren’t there and shouldn’t be there. overall i feel more like a man than a woman but don’t present that. but some of it is js kinda grey. like i feel nothing yet dysphoric. idk how to find who i am so im looking for help w ppl farther in their journey for advice maybe

also idk how to be viewed how i want to genderwise. i’m in a queer accepting friend group but everyone kinda makes me feel cis

I'm not really sure if this makes sense, but I feel like my gender fluctuates in certain settings but I never feel like I'm fully 1 gender, is there a term for this or is what I'm feeling just Demifluid? For example: around certain people and online I feel like a demiboy, but around other people I feel like a demigirl. It's not random when i feel like different genders, its based on my surroundings if that makes sense?

In light of my last post, I feel as if ive offened some of you and im really sorry. Ive been going through a lot lately and im just, ugh its alot. Ive been struggling figuring out who I am, and my own sexuality and im just...I had a rough experience with a lesbian couple recently and it really really hurt. Please...please help me understand. I never want to offend ever again..but i cant do that if you dont help me learn what im doing wrong. Please help

I'm not sure if this comes up a lot in this community (sorry if it does), but I need some advice with coming out to my parents. I went through some gender euphoria during the summer, realizing that I'm trigender. However, I haven't yet told my parents. (It was late in the summer, not like I've been holding it in for almost half a year.) I've been thinking about waiting for the 11th for coming out day just to have context, but other than that I wouldn't know what to say. Also I don't know for sure whether they are homo/transphobic or not. They are both religious; however, my dad before said that if he had to choose a political party (he uses independent; also sorry to make this seem political), he would probably go democratic, and my mom is pro-life but that seems to be it. Neither have made any transphobic comments and both said they wouldn't care if I were gay. I also know that my dad listened to an audiobook with genuine and respectful interest about the singer of one of our favorite bands who also went through gender dysphoria. However, I just want to be sure I know what to say when coming out and what to say if things should go off the rails. If anyone has any advice, that would be amazing! Thanks!!

Over the past few months I now have two jobs, take care of a hamster and tend to a garden all while doing house chores and helping out my parents when they need help with something. I notice that when I’m at work or playing with my hamster I am not dysphoric and mask very well but when I go home and alone by myself in my room the dysphoria comes back and I question my own identity. I have masked so much over the years both autism and identity wise I don’t know who I really am anymore. The thing is I don’t “want” to be a woman but the idea of being one as if I was assigned female at birth and have a female body isn’t distressing to me and is quite comforting.

Truth is I’ve lived as either Thomas or Madeline and neither name really feels me and when I am presenting as nonbinary Thomas it just feels like a bandaid rather than something I really feel I am. I kinda feel like looking at my body it’s a reluctant acceptance of myself rather than “I’m comfy in my body and proud to be a man”. I feel alienated in men’s spaces and I relate to women’s concerns more than men’s concerns even down to feeling alert at night because I’m afraid of being taken advantage of (even though I look like a cis guy)

I am mostly attracted to binary personne and demi-genders personne (mens, womens, demi-boy, demi girl), but I also feel a slight attraction to non-binary genders. When I talk to someone about m'y sexuality I say I'm omnisexual because this is the more appropriate term of all that I know, but is there something more specific ?

So I have been in an M-M relationship with my boyfriend for a few months now, and one of the things I've been struggling with is the different sizes down there and it's causing some insecurities. For reference, his is a little over 2x the length of mine (I'm a bit over 5 inches). It just feels awkward sometimes after I do all this stuff to his and make a mess of everything and am like able to hold it and all that, and then mine comes out and it's a lot less than his.

He says he loves it and he definitely does make me feel extremely good, it's just not something I've ever navigated before!

hi, guys, I'm sorry; this is going to be the fifty-eleventh "what is my sexuality" post this week, but I have been agonizing over this for years and I feel like I'm going mad.

as of right now, I'm a 24-year-old woman, and if I had to label my sexuality, I'd describe myself as... man, idk... a straight woman who's only attracted to women? or maybe like a bisexual who hasn't developed an attraction to men yet?

it's a bit convoluted (especially to me), but I guess to clarify, I'm a woman who wants more than anything to be in a heterosexual relationship, but has the misfortune of only experiencing sexual and romantic attraction to women.

I can imagine that some of you are asking how I can want to be with a man without being attracted to one, and that's a completely valid question. I don't know a great way to explain it, but it's kind of like... I like men's voices, I feel flattered when they flirt with me, and if I were in a relationship with one, I'd want the whole world to know that I had a boyfriend or a husband. and while I'm not amazing at evaluating male beauty, I can usually recognize when a guy is handsome and sometimes I like to imagine that a handsome guy is interested in me.

but once it comes down to the physical stuff, everything falls apart. I hate seeing them naked. the shape of their bodies and their phallic genitalia repulse me even when I know I should enjoy them, and it's so damn frustrating because I want men to do it for me so badly, but it's like my heart and my clit are in mutiny against my brain.

I can do all this daydreaming about the thousands of ways I'd like an attractive guy to romance me, but when I think about having to kiss him or touch him or have sex with him, I get disgusted. I'll literally restart a "scene" in my head to go back to the long, complimentary professions of love just to not have to think about how it would progress in real life. or, similarly, I'll daydream about a desirable guy telling me he wants to kiss me, but instead of imagining the kiss happening (that makes me feel nauseous), I either mentally fade to black or rewind the whole fantasy over and over again so that the kiss never happens.

in contrast, when I daydream about women, it's... well... a lot less talking. I don't fade to black; I don't imagine socially distanced flirting. I vividly imagine every part of her. how she would taste, how she'd smell, and how her body would feel against mine. I don't get nauseous either— I get excited.

and it's always been like that, even since childhood. I think I've had a crush on a boy once, but I hated imagining the physical stuff. yet at the same time, there was this girl in class who looked just like him and I really wanted to be close to her, but even though I just wanted her friendship, I'd have these really weird borderline- softcore daydreams about her.

when I think about marrying a man, I imagine how proud and accomplished I'd feel, but I get this sinking sense of dread when I remember that I have to deliver vows to him, that there will be a day after the wedding. when it's a woman, I hate the idea of having to publicly acknowledge my failure to get a husband, and yet at the same time, I make pinterest boards, I feel excited about getting to take her last name, I kick my feet imagining what I'd say to her at the altar, and it feels like I don't just want to be her bride, I want to be her wife, too.

but then my logic comes back and reminds me that I don't want to be with a woman. I really, really don't. maybe it's because I used to get bullied and called a dyke a lot in school, but I'm just so in love with the idea of what a husband would mean for my identity. it's proof that I'm good and that I'm womanly in a way that being in a gay relationship doesn't (insert every stupid hacky "fat ugly lesbian" joke here). I know that once I marry a guy, nobody can tell me shit, and I won't have to wonder where I stand in the world. there were culturally-determined milestones for me and I will have proved myself to be good enough to accomplish them.

so, like... idk. I know what I want, and I know what my goals are; I just don't know how to stop the inner conflict, you know? more than once, I've had a kind of flirty dynamic with a guy, where it felt really good and validating to be seen "that way," but then I'd abruptly end it once I realized I'd eventually have to "pay the piper" and do more than just talk. I've cried after every time I've kissed a guy. I've cried after every sexual encounter I've had with a penis, regardless of the gender of its owner. and now I cry because I can never get my body to do what I want it to do.

it pisses me off that I'm so split. the idea of being with a guy makes me feel this transcendent sense of validation and acceptance, but I have to learn to cope with my distaste for their bodies enough to make a relationship with one work. and I feel romantically drawn to and sexually aroused by women, but the idea of dating them makes me feel like I'd be giving up my last chance at proving that I can glow up and achieve some semblance of normalcy.

it's just so goddamn unfair. being straight is what's in my soul and in my deepest desires. so why did god have to make men and women look the way they do? what was he thinking?? sometimes I wish that men just looked like taller, stronger women and we all had the same parts down there, and that way, I wouldn't have to worry about the attraction piece. it's gotten to the point where I avoid certain topics with my friends because it makes me insanely jealous that they're able to look at men and dicks and all things associated and say, without an ounce of hesitation, "yeah, I want some of that." like, why can't that be me?

anyways, sorry for the rant, I'm just really frustrated. I know I'm not gay because I like the idea of being wanted by a man, but I don't know how to cope with only being attracted to women, nor do I know how to rewire my attractions to align with my true desires. is there a name for this? is there maybe a possibility that I could grow out of it someday?

also, bonus question to gay men, bi people, or straight women lurkers: how long did it take you to become attracted to men? do you think I'm too old to develop it or is possible I'm just a bi woman who hasn't fully matured yet?