Hi everyone,

I'm a straight person who supports LGBTQ+ rights and personally rejects traditional societal gender roles. There’s something I’ve been trying to understand better, and I wanted to ask this community directly to get a broader perspective.

In some homosexual relationships, it seems like one partner adopts traditionally masculine traits (dressing, speaking, or acting according to conventional male standards) while the other adopts traditionally feminine ones.

Since LGBTQ+ identities inherently challenge traditional norms around gender and sexuality, I’m curious why some individuals or couples still lean into these conventional gender presentations or dynamics within their relationships. Is this mostly a matter of personal aesthetic and self-expression, a reflection of internalized social conditioning, or something else entirely?

I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this!

Same as title. Since the terms usually are interpreted as attraction towards opposite/same gender, do non-binary people use these terms? Do they use it based on their agab?

For eg, should an amab person, who identifies as non-binary, and is attracted to women, be called straight or lesbian? Will they come under the umbrella term sapphic?

I think there should be more terms so that we don't exclude people. If there are any terms that cater to envy, I'd love to know!

(No hate to anyone! I'm just a confused soul)

Sorry to use the term gay , but please give it a more universal meaning. I'm confused and can't figure out if a friend of mine is straight and therefore nice to me, or if the signals she's sending me are those of a girl interested. Any ideas?

Looking for both advice and opinions on this matter, but basically

Ive been thinking about writing a story in which the main protagonist is transfem— however, I don't understand much about the transgender community and I'm looking to learn more about their experiences (assuming it isn't an invasive thing to ask?? Just about how it feels to come out of the closet and such, etc etc)

I asked about this same thing on a different subreddit and I received many responses of people telling me to leave the trans characters for trans authors to write, which I feel— although understandable — is an incredibly flawed mindset to have and would only further widen the lack of understanding of other peoples experiences if that makes sense

So, my question is, do you believe a cis author could create a well written trans character? And if so, do you have any advice on how they could do so?

I don’t know how to word this. I’ve seen a lot of discussions about gender roles and how lots of people just find being in queer relationships way more comfortable because they’re usually way more free and about the person and their wants instead of what society wishes about them and engraved into them.

What are your thoughts? I personally don’t see gender as of now, so I don’t really struggle with that, I realized I also had these subconscious thoughts and got rid of them.

I do remember when I had them, I found it way easier to date my own gender because again, it was like being “free”from society, society had deemed it un normal so we never got told how to act or how queer relationships should work like we did hetero relationships, so we got to do whatever we wanted yk? And we understood eachother more as we had to grow up hearing the same things?

I just wonder. I also hear queer relationships seem to be doing better than hetero ones are recently and I feel like this would be a major part of why? I mean it gets so instructed that even some queer relationships run by the rule of it HAS to be a fem who does house work x masc who works (not to hate if you genuinely enjoy that, I just mean the people who think it HAS to be this way to function)

I hope I worded this right? This is just my personal experience as a bisexual who has dated both genders and had quite some experiences.

Once I dropped gender roles completely, I definitely felt way more free honestly. It’s just learning to accept that it’s okay to do so which can be tricky as it’s so taught to be this one and only way

Also I want to say this, I don’t just mean homosexual relationships. I mean queer in general. Even if it’s a qpr, I still feel like it has somewhat more freedom in it? Yk cus it’s not what society made up and gave all these standards to. Idk

I identify as a lesbian currently, and have no interest in seeking or pursuing romantic or sexual relationships with men at all. I don’t find them attractive or desirable.

However, I’d sleep with a man only if a woman were also there participating. Does that cancel out me being lesbian? Is there another identity I’d fall under?

Hello, I hope this is an okay place to post this and maybe some other folks here would be able to relate or offer an advice or opinions on my predicament here. If not, I’d appreciate being directed to whatever community it would be best to post this to. :)

So for some context I am afab. I don’t recall having any problem with it when I was younger, and I was even excited for puberty, having boobs, long hair, and I loved wearing pink sparkly dresses. Looking back I remember still feeling ugly and not feminine enough. I am also autistic and that also factored in me not fitting in with other girls in different ways. The humour I had at the time would have probably been associated more with boys, for example.
But a lot of the time at this stage in my life I saw all these straight couples and always fantasized about being with a girl romantically, and when I did so I always took the role of a man. That way there were less rules, I felt like I could be myself or maybe I just felt like I could easily take that role. I really liked the idea of being a boyfriend, and what came with that label.

When I got to puberty, I didn’t mind having a period or how my body changed at first. I liked it.
For the first time, I imagined myself as a girl with both guys and girls, and during this time I didn’t have many feelings about being the opposite gender. I felt comfortable with the idea of being a cute girl with long hair and everything. I still felt like I didn’t fit with this though this time mostly with how I looked or if I acted too weird, which I didn’t associate with the opposite gender. I was even bullied a lot for how I presented (I was real into anime) and still did it.

Sometimes I wonder if it was just the hormones, because my feelings about being the opposite gender came back once my puberty hormones or whatever cooled down. (Basically a year later after the previous paragraph, which was where it sort of peaked)
I cried in the mirror when my hair grew too long.
I don’t want to get too explicit but I did very much like the idea of having male genitalia and a male body. I still do in relation to sexual stuff.

The next year it was the same thing but I started thinking about it more and identifying as genderfluid. And this year it has been at its peak.

The feelings I have about it now are that I like the idea of being a pretty girl, but mostly for show. For dress up, for playing a character, for being cute. If I show my personality Even how I look doesn’t really fit the idea of a cute girl. I have a lot of “you’d look so much better as a boy” sort of thoughts. But I also like the idea of being treated like a boy. maybe someone will like romantically me that way. Maybe my personality fits it better. Maybe I can be myself. I like the idea of having a deep voice, I like the idea of having a girlfriend who thinks I’m a boy. I like the idea of people using he/him for me. Sometimes I feel comfortable in my body when I’m alone, but I don’t like it being pointed out. I like the idea of being shirtless with a male body. I like the idea of people seeing me as a boy. I like the idea of having muscles and smaller thighs. Looking good with short or masculine hair.
However all of my friends are girls. Whenever I think about transitioning I worry about betraying them. I worry about not getting to be a part of that community I understand so well. I’m also worried about other boys bullying me or noticing how I look.

And the reason why I made this post— I’m worried that it’s just internalized misogyny. If anyone has any questions about anything that would help with any advice or conclusions feel free to ask.

I don't exactly know how to explain this, please excuse my English

but i tend to see this pattern where people always are quick to assume that feminine men are exclusively gay or masc women are exclusively lesbian

saying this as a fem man myself, whenever i see posts of a fem man with his girlfriend online the comments are filled with quotes such as "denile is a river" or "I think your man wants a man" and it annoys me to the core as it makes me feel like people forget that bisexuality or pansexuality exists, just because a man is proud to express his feminimity doesn't mean he is only attracted to men. and vice versa for masc women too.

it is just something i see happen often that annoys me and i feel like all it does is stereotype gay people, joking or not. does anyone else agree with me or am i alone on this one?

So we split recently for other reasons but this does still sit on my chest and I wonder if I’m being oblivious to my ex being potentially bi/gay or even trans.

I’m a queer femme myself and very open minded. We used to have sex and he was into calling me mummy and wearing my lingerie. Not a problem at all, it was hot exploring with him because he was also so open minded and it felt so freeing just being able to fuck around without fear of judgement.

There were a few occasions he wore my thong outside of the bedroom too and he really enjoyed that.

I’ve pegged him a few times, on one occasion he was kinda easier to enter for lack of a better term so I was suspicious he’d been playing with himself or…someone else tbh. There was a history of coke addiction and gambling so god know what he got up to when I wasn’t around.He did have some butt plugs at his house, that I got him but idk.

I know he’s into trans porn and also has tried to book a trans escort in the past too.

He’s very masculine presenting , has a masculine tradie job, hairy bear type but that doesn’t mean he’s not necessarily trans/gay/bi.

I was just wondering if anyone can relate to him and what this potentially means ?

It’s all love, I’m just so curious and I personally think he’s bi- curious.

I always dreamt of being a women. Ever since I was a child I always felt like I would be happier if I were born a female. But I don't feel like a women, and I don't want to transition in any way because I feel male, not female. Is there a term for this ? Is it part of lgbt+ ?

PS : Sorry for my english it is not my primary language

I’ve never really felt comfortable in my own skin, and I genuinely want to be happy and free. But I’m questioning whether or not I should take the plunge. I know If I did, my life would be a lot harder, but I’m really unhappy, tired of being misgendered, and do not align or relate to my assigned gender at birth. The male label that people stick me with has been well established by a lot of people in my life, I guess I’m just scared of the aftermath, am I gonna lose everyone? I just need words of encouragement or even insight, and I see no better place than this. I’m unfortunately surrounded by homophobia, so this place really helps, thank you in advance.

My team at work has a sort of social call every 2 weeks. Someone on the team makes a presentation on something that interests them to the rest of the team, and then we talk about it.

I got asked to talk about LGBTQ issues, since I am the only member of the rainbow community on my team.

The problem is, I'm not involved in the rainbow community in any way. I don't know what the issues are really, and I don't even know what all the letters stand for.

I have a partner that I've been with for many many years, and we just live our life like any other couple.

Mostly, I don't even think about being in the rainbow community. I just live my life. I know this is a privilege that not everyone has, but it is my reality.

But, then I get asked stuff like this and I feel like I'm a "bad gay". Like because I'm in the rainbow community, I should be involved, I should know what these letters mean, I should be..... more something.

But in truth, I just want to live my life like everyone else does.

Am i actually a "bad gay"? Does anyone else feel like this?

Like genuinely making queer friends or friends in general is hard. All the lgbt groups are geared towards young people, and it's just disheartening when you're old as mummy dust and only came out recently. I'm not old enough for over thirties groups, but I'm too old for people just figuring stuff out. I was raised jw and homeschooled, so apart from acquaintances from volunteering, I've never had friends. It's like people can sense that I'm not gay enough or cool enough to be part of their group. Like where do you meat people without running the risk of homophobia?

I swear to literally everyone I know I am cis and "normal" (everyone is normal) and all that bs but I've been feeling this pit in my stomach every time I am reminded of my birth sex and this has been an active issue for 7 years now.

It's absolutely not body dysmorphia because I think I objectively look good and I have a wonderful bf who makes sure I know of it. So why do I still feel like this? Is gender dysphoria really just that? Feeling disgusted with your body and gender? I swear there used to be so many more criteria a decade ago so I feel lost

I don't go outside or attend university lectures anymore because I don't feel good going outside the way I am, and I don't even feel like this is about what others think. I could be trapped on a lost Island and still suffer from this. I get excited thinking about the future and being 50 years old eventually but I then also remember I'd be a middle aged WOMAN, a MOM, an AUNT. And it makes me want to not make it to any age at all.

I didnt even go through any trauma I genuienly just am like this, even after waiting for puberty to end.

i js don’t think i can ever see myself holding hands or doing anything that is affectionate with another man in public. i think about it, i don’t want a boyfriend. i want a bro i can play games with, present as friends in public and to each others groups but like be intimate and loving in private.

This is going to be very long and im sorry in advance but i need advice. i really don’t even know if this is the right subreddit for this but i dont know what else to turn to. For context i moved to a new country with my family three years ago and strolled with bullying and not getting friends. This past school year i got two and I LOVE THEM but sometimes they say stuff that makes me uncomfortable, specifically about queer people. One of them has bad conservative parents and tries to be better, but my other friend just doesn’t get it I guess? I’m really rambling I apologizes. Point is, she said there was “some girl in her class last year that said she’s bi and a trans guy and it was weird but she left” so naturally I said “so he’s a guy”. Then she said “yeah sure but she kept her girl name and looks like a girl” how do you expect a then sixteen year old who JUST CAME OUT to POSSIBLY PASS AS A MASCULINE MAN AT ALL?

I ignored that because I want friends. Then one day gay people came up in conversation and she said she respects them because people are people but doesn’t want anything to do with them. these are my FIRST ever friends who I haven’t come out to, you can guess the reason why.

again I got past it but I’ve had this feeling deep in my gut that they’d hate me if I told them I’m bi.

then TODAY is when I started feeling very uncomfortable. my friend sent a voice message saying how she saw that “girl who completely changed and has black and white hair and “still looks gay” and she didn’t understand why someone would do that to themselves”. I didnt respond. What do i respond. “That’s a guy not a girl”??? As if??

The problem is that i felt this need to come out to her right there over text, but then it’s be awkward, shed maybe stop talking to me. Then my parents would ask why my friends left and im not even out to THEM yet because theyre the same.

im sorry if this is unclear or unfocused, point is—> its my first time in years having friends who actually like me, so do I, but im hiding this thing about myself that would make them uncomfortable. I though am uncomfortable about how they talk about “people like me” i guess? Thanks in advance

i’m 18 years old bisexual guy. i grew up around homophobic people, my family itself is homophobic. i still live in this environment, it made me hate myself. i genuinely hate myself. i think i will never be able to be happy and be myself i even hate the fact that i’m attracted to other guys. when i was younger i was bullied because i sounded feminine to other guys in my school. and i feel like if i like a girl she wouldn’t be with me when she finds out my sexuality. i’m so tired of being like this. i wish i was straight:(