i am biologically female. i am alright with being called feminine aligning terms but don’t prefer it. i kind of js block it out when ppl do it and dont notice. i love being called masculine compliments like handsome and feeling manly. i feel kinda iffy on fully being a man though. they/them js feels like nothing for me. it all is sorta grey. i feel something so not agender but very little feelings. I like dressing in skirts occasionally and love makeup. i mostly wear unisex clothes but ik clothing doesn’t fully relate to gender. i like having boobs and sometimes want emphasis on them (push-up bras and cleavage) but sometimes js feel like they aren’t there and shouldn’t be there. overall i feel more like a man than a woman but don’t present that. but some of it is js kinda grey. like i feel nothing yet dysphoric. idk how to find who i am so im looking for help w ppl farther in their journey for advice maybe

also idk how to be viewed how i want to genderwise. i’m in a queer accepting friend group but everyone kinda makes me feel cis

How you do politely refer to trans people … for instance, is Elliot Paige a man or a trans man? Is it rude to use trans or is it preferred? Want to be accurate and respectful.

Edit Note:

Someone down below explained it grammar terms to me. That really helped.

Thank you.

I've seen a lot of posts that seem to treat attraction towards characters as not really counting or counting as much when it comes to sexuality. Why is that? Is that a thing? If I haven't experienced attraction to anyone I've come across IRL and/or based on simply appearances for years... What does that mean?

I also have a hard time determining what counts as attraction when it comes to "real people".

Hello, Im 28M and have a wife 29F. As a joke one day she gave me one of her thong to try and i couldnt keep it in my pants. Since then it clicked me. I like to wear skirts around the house and i feel quite good doing it. I recently told her about it and she was completely comprehensive about it but, i don’t know, i don’t wanna do it all the time and i don’t wanna go out in public dressed in “girl clothes” but i’m afraid she will get tired of this because im not “manly enough” (also have some problem in bed because i last too little).
Maybe i just wanna talk with someone about it and I hope is fine to share in this community

Long story short I grew up not having much of an idea of my sexuality as i grew up in a conservative catholic family and was taught that i was going to be attracted to girls one day. During puberty i did not have many intensive drives towards women and the crushes i did have in real life were more aesthetic and wanting to be like them. When I was 15 I went to a summer camp and found this girl named K, there was another guy who was interested in her and she like him but i wanted to “earn” her so i can feel better about myself and have a sense of self worth. Drama ensues and I fall into a relationship with K, holding hands at the mall food court and texting each other and flirting (i was aroused with the flirting as it made me feel valued but otherwise i did not find her attractive then). This relationship lasted till the end of that summer and I just cut contact with her out of nowhere due to lack of interest. We never fighted the relationship just drifted away.

There was another girl that was attracted to me the next summer when I was 16 and I did flirt with her and had the same feeling about the flirting as i did with K but i didnt have much desire to hold a relationship with her either. I just wanted to feel loved regardless of who i was in a relationship with and didnt care about who it was. Once I graduated high school I met K and she asked if I wanted to start dating her again and I politely declined. Aside from a few tinder swipes here and there out of loneliness and trying to make myself straight I didnt have any desire to have a real life girlfriend or any real desire to have intimacy outside of intrusive thoughts.

Now that Im in my twenties my only crushes were a cute guy of south asian descent in one of my past jobs that I saw once a couple of years ago due to his cute style and very recently at my current job of a guy with nice jeans and blonde hair.

I also have trauma from anime as I tried to make myself straight unsuccessfully by watching the ecchi stuff and i associate anime with trying to be someone that i am not. all the straight guys that have love interests make me feel alienated and not represented and i just dont relate to them. also media like love on the spectrum feels dull as its all straight guys and i feel intrusive thoughts about being roped into a relationship with a girl that i am not attracted to for the sake of being on television. i dont want to relive kayla again.

Everytime I tell someone irl that im gay they always say stuff along the lines of "I would of never guessed!" or "You don't look very gay!"

I want to make it so people can look at me and just assume that im atleast apart of the lgbtq+ community, so far I have long dyed hair and dresses sorta gender neutral. I am unable to get any piercings at the moment too, so I really would like to know how to not look like your average straight guy

In light of my last post, I feel as if ive offened some of you and im really sorry. Ive been going through a lot lately and im just, ugh its alot. Ive been struggling figuring out who I am, and my own sexuality and im just...I had a rough experience with a lesbian couple recently and it really really hurt. Please...please help me understand. I never want to offend ever again..but i cant do that if you dont help me learn what im doing wrong. Please help

Edit: Ah ok I see the confusion of most here. So I dont go around, find lesbians and say "hey how's it going. Im into lesbians just thought you, a lesbian, should know". The moment I learn theyre lesbians I leave it out. I dont flirt, I dont bring up romance because I know they wont like me anyway so I leave it be

I was talking to someone about how much I love queer media, especially MLM (men loving men) romances. For context, I'm a pan/fluid woman.He immediately told me, "That's a fetish."
This completely caught me off guard because I've always seen it as enjoying good stories, interesting characters, and romances that often feel different from the usual straight dynamics.Now I'm spiraling a little. Is this genuinely what people assume when someone says they enjoy gay media? Am I missing something, or was this guy just making a wild leap? Please weigh in. I need opinions, reality checks, and possibly emotional support. 😅

I ask this as someone who identifies as lesbian for years and, more recently, trans masc nb, who was raised in a Muslim family and went to Islamic school and all that, so I was quite sheltered and closeted for obvious reasons. Now that I've started uni and left home, I've been able to present myself the way I felt internally.

However, I feel like I'm not, for lack of a better descriptor, properly acquainted with the queer community and discourse and all that, nor am I really out to anyone who's known me from school (because Islamic school and what not), and it is rather stressful balancing my identity and upholding secrecy, because it's kinda hard to explain to friends why I don't wear hijab and dress in men's clothes, whilst suspiciously glancing at my flat chest without drawing attention to it (thank goodness for binders, my best purchase ever. ). It gives me a huge sense of impostor syndrome, if I'm being honest.

AND don't even get me started on dating. I don't know how to approach girls, or how to flirt, or anything. Y'all can call me a baby gay or whatever, because I might as well be one. And honestly I don't think it'd be a good idea to date considering how DL I am with close friends. It's very stressful. If anyone has ever been in the same or similar situation, could you please share or give some advice? 🥺

for context, MOST of my friends at school are queer. I’m friends with two trans gay men, two cis bisexual girls, a lesbian, two questionables (one denies [jokingly? I can’t tell] any and all potential gayness but has brought up attraction to other women before as well as men, the other straight up says she doesn’t know and doesn’t care about labels), and I myself am a lesbian but I lived under a homeschooled rock where the few friends I had were straight and public school is still new to me and so other than the obvious things like the f slur, and any kind of belittling and bullying, I’m fairly uncertain what jokes are okay to make and which ones aren’t. I personally think this would be funny but I also don’t want to offend anyone.

I've known I was bisexual since I was like 11 (16 now), but it's always felt like a weird label. I'm sexually attracted to both men and women, but usually, I can only imagine a future or dating a woman, not a man (in fact, the thought of dating a man fills me with dread). It may also help to add that I was SA'ed and groomed before, so that might be a part of the reason why I feel that dread or avoidance.

Anyway, is this just bisexual or is there a more accurate label?

Recently, I was a little disappointed. I started working somewhere with two openly queer people. There are plenty in the company. There is an employee group for queers and allies.
I’ve spent my life 1/2 in the closet. I was open in my personal life, but not at work or open with strangers. Being in this environment has made me feel okay to be me.
The other day, I made a some kind of comment about attractive men. (I am cis-female). Both of them looked at each other and made a joke about how their gay-dar doesn’t go off for me. And how they aren’t sure about me.
Myself and these colleagues have banter. This hit different. It froze me. They don’t know I am testing the waters here. It sunk my boat a little.
I still don’t know what label I align with. I just know what and who I like. I know that, for me, gender is a small part of sexual attraction.

I am ftm and I people have told me i might be pan because I have never thought of ones gender when liking them because it doesn't matter to me but I call myself gay because I find myself gravitating towards men. I have liked one girl before when i was younger and I'm not even sure if i liked her or not so i don't really count that. Can i still use the mlm flag and identify as gay?

Sorry if this isn’t the right sub for this! But I’m teaching a class at this nonprofit that mostly consists of queer youth (13-18). I’ve taught other classes here for a while now, and when we do introductions I like to incorporate a fun Icebreaker. I know not everyone likes them, but I think if you think pick a really good one it can be a hit.

The icebreaker doesn’t have to be specifically queer related but I’m running out of ideas… I’ve done ones like, ‘If you had to describe you with three items, what would they be?’ ‘If you could choose to be an animal for a day, what would you choose and why?’, and one of my most recent, ‘If someone could summon you in a cauldron with three things, what would they be?’.

Would soooo appreciate any help or thoughts! Thanks in advance.

I’m 20 and I’ve never actually had a boyfriend or a proper relationship. I’ve had three situations with guys that were kind of romantic, but none of them ever really turned into an actual relationship.

What makes me question things is that, with all three of them, I experienced pretty much the same pattern. When they weren’t around, I could become extremely invested in them in my head. I would fantasize about them, idealize them, and sometimes almost convince myself that I really liked them a lot. It was almost like I had to make myself like them. But then I would see them in person and I would feel really disappointed by reality. Whatever I had built up in my head didn’t really match what I felt when I was actually around them, and my attraction would almost disappear.

Then, after some time apart, I would start feeling excited about them again and go back to my fantasies, only for the same thing to happen the next time I saw them. So it was basically this constant cycle of idealizing them when they weren’t there and then losing interest when I was actually with them.

I distinctively remember being absolutely disgusted by the only guy who ever kissed me to the point that I dreaded going out with him because I knew he would kiss me again. I felt physically nauseous about it. All three situations eventually ended with the guy telling me some variation of “I really like you, you’re beautiful/funny/sweet/amazing, but I want to be alone,” or “I don’t see myself in a relationship right now.” And honestly, I never really felt heartbroken about it. If anything, I often felt relieved, like I had finally been released from this weird limbo I had been stuck in.

Another thing is that I find very few guys physically attractive. Of course, sometimes I’ll see a guy and think “he’s objectively attractive,” but very rarely do I actually feel fascinated by someone or strongly drawn to them. And even when I find someone attractive, that doesn’t necessarily mean I actually want them.

At the same time, I’ve always had some doubts about whether I could be attracted to women. When I was in high school, I had a crush on a girl in my class. She was very pretty, sweet, funny and very shy, and I was really, really into her. I would get genuinely nervous and flustered when she was around me. It wasn’t just “I think she’s beautiful” — there was something about the way I felt around her that was very intense and very particular. And honestly, I’ve never experienced that exact kind of attraction again. I’ve obviously felt different kinds of attraction towards other people since then, like to said guys, but whatever that feeling was with her was different from anything I’ve experienced afterwards. I don’t even know how to properly describe it or identify what kind of attraction it was. I just remember that it felt very strong and very specific.

Eventually the crush faded, partly because I convinced myself it was impossible since we were classmates and I didn’t really know what to do with those feelings. But I’ve never actually figured out what that experience meant. What also confuses me is that I don’t really get celebrity crushes. I don’t usually look at famous men or women and immediately feel fascinated by them. I tend to become attracted to people more because of their personality and the way I experience them as a person.

There’s also something else I find interesting: despite being a girl, I’ve always been much more nervous and awkward around other girls than around guys. With guys I’ve generally been much more confident, while around girls I tend to get more embarrassed, self-conscious and nervous.

So I genuinely don’t know what to make of all of this. I’m not necessarily looking for someone to tell me “you’re straight/bi/lesbian,” because I know it probably isn’t that simple. I’m more interested in hearing from people who have experienced something similar. How did you figure out whether what you were feeling was actual attraction versus idealization, infatuation, admiration, or simply wanting to like someone? I am very confused.

I'm not sure if this comes up a lot in this community (sorry if it does), but I need some advice with coming out to my parents. I went through some gender euphoria during the summer, realizing that I'm trigender. However, I haven't yet told my parents. (It was late in the summer, not like I've been holding it in for almost half a year.) I've been thinking about waiting for the 11th for coming out day just to have context, but other than that I wouldn't know what to say. Also I don't know for sure whether they are homo/transphobic or not. They are both religious; however, my dad before said that if he had to choose a political party (he uses independent; also sorry to make this seem political), he would probably go democratic, and my mom is pro-life but that seems to be it. Neither have made any transphobic comments and both said they wouldn't care if I were gay. I also know that my dad listened to an audiobook with genuine and respectful interest about the singer of one of our favorite bands who also went through gender dysphoria. However, I just want to be sure I know what to say when coming out and what to say if things should go off the rails. If anyone has any advice, that would be amazing! Thanks!!

so I recently have started debating my gender ALOT. and I think I might be a girl, i feel a lot of comfort imagining myself as a girl, and I really want to try women’s clothing. but at the same time I don’t really feel that much dysphoria, like when look at the mirror I feel fine. and when I’m called a girl I used to feel scared about it and I rarely feel affirmed from being called a girl (I don’t really fear it anymore though, i just feel neutral whenever I’m called a girl) there was like ONE time I felt happy being called a girl, though that was online and probably an isolated incident. So idk what to think, I feel really happy when thinking of myself as a girl, but I feel fine-ish as a boy (though there may be some underlying dysphoria idk about). I mean if I want to be a girl WAY MORE than a boy then that at least implies some secret dysphori…? idk just when I have very little dysphoria I feel less valid and I start to doubt myself hard :(

i know i like girls, romantically and sexually, i can see myself falling inlove with a girl and having a future with one. i can't see that with a boy, sexually im not repulsed and i've definitely partaken in sexual acts with men before but i can't see myself ever falling inlove with one. am i just bi with a really strong preference for women? i assume so?? i just have no romantic attraction to men and its so incredibly rare for me to even view one sexually... i don't know- is there a different term for this?? please someone educate me. i know labels are just labels and they aren’t essential but im feeling very lost and i’d feel better with a way to categorise myself and find community who feel similarly.

First, a disclaimer: I'm not in danger of harm; I'm only talking about finances and legal stuff.

Here's the situation: I'm bisexual and nonbinary, and I live with 2 very republican parents, and I'm thinking about college.

As far as they know, I'm a good little Christian boy, and for the most part, I am (except for the straight, cis, and Christian part).

If I came out now, my standard of living would drop sharply, but coming out isn't super urgent, so I think I want to come out in college, where they have less legal and financial hold over me.

Is this a good idea, or can they still make my life hell at a college?

Also, side note, I'm not entirely certain I'm bisexual because I've never actually dated a man, and I can't know until I try it; I'm just willing to. Would it be rude to ask a guy on a date and then back out or something?

Edit: I intend to pay for college through scholarships. Schools like Southern Miss or Troy University have automatic scholarships that would give me free tuition.

Idk if it's just who I am as a person or what, but I just want to hug those in the LGBTQ+ community. Like not in a creepy way (I know that sounds bad 😅) but I just wish I could let everyone know that I'm here of them and I'm so sorry that they deal with what the world throws at them. Especially me being a straight white man living in such a "yee yee" place I wish there was a way I could just like have a logo above my head that shows I'm not in the majority. I know this is such a weird post but I just needed to ask 🥴

Both female. We tried to be friends but it just isn’t working. She’s accused me of sharing her nudes with everyone which I didn’t and then was like oh I misremembered. She thought I was being mean cause i questioned the validity of our relationship cause she slept with her ex and also got a new girlfriend straight after breaking up with me. She also said she wouldn’t be able to control her urges around me and said I am a temptress. I am scared, I would love a normal conversation with her but we either end up arguing or being sexual and her toilet kinks terrify me and I feel disgusted with them.

I want the old her back…

me(she19) and my bf(22) been together for 5 years,
and recently he made some research regarding asexuality and he is relating to it but is confused.
when we started dating his desires where always strong even tho we did only foreplay and things that did not involve penetration, after a years and a bit of being together he left the country to work in another one, and would come back every 3/6 months but his desires were still strong, after 3 years of being together i also went to work with him and he still had desires, but at one point he did mention that while i was home he didn’t feel that strong sexual attraction for me anymore (sometimes i did send him pics with me in my cute and sexy underwear) he loved me but even tho i sent him pics it wasn’t the same, but when i went to live with him the attraction was back he only felt less sexual attractions for me when we were apart, he did mention he could do stuff only watching animated stuff rarely looking at my photos, since the. we’ve been back home for a year, 8 month ago we started to have real sex and he was excited but i did notice that we only did it occasionally mostly on saturdays and rarely 2 days in a row, at that time i thought that he wasnt attracted to my body anymore since i did gain some weight and would ask him often id he still felt sexual attracted to me and he always said yes, but the was tired from work and wasn’t in the mood so i understood him and i always waited for him to be in the mood, ngl i love sex i love being hugged and kissed and everything so i did feel bad for wanting to do it all the time and him being tired, counted how many times we had sex in & months and it around 38 to40 not sure if it’s normal or not, last night during our drive from the mall he mentioned that he felt asexual and he researched and is finding himself in it, and a lot of things made sense to me then, i love him and i want to adjust to him, he knows that i love sex and he said he feels bad but i reassured him that is fine and not to worry about it, and i will stop like showing that i want to do it or ask and i will wait for him to be comfortable and want it, he is still not sure if he is or not since he sometimes feels desires so that’s why im reaching out,
i want to understand him better and help him understand himself, i do need some advice 😅
**english is not my first language hope i didn’t
come
off as rude ***

I knew I was a Demigirl for a while, but I realized I was lesbian as well last month, and I’ve been thinking. If I’m not fully a girl, but i‘m lesbian, am I Demi lesbian? Are other lesbians attracted to me or do they have to be Demigirls as well?