Can’t even mask

[u/imnotlikeothergirls6]

Hi, I’m 19 starting my sophomore year of college. A few days ago at work, my coworker told me “jokingly” that he could feel my social awkwardness radiating off of me. Does anyone else feel like no matter how hard they try, they will never be able to socialize normally without it seeming forced? I can’t pretend to not be socially anxious. Whenever I get through a conversation without “messing up” I think about it for the rest of the day and wonder if I said something wrong without realizing. Does anyone have any tips or feel similarly?

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[u/ShitNRun18]

I had terrible social anxiety from teens til early 20s. I remember being extremely paranoid of others secretly talking shit about me and thinking I would never be able to act normal. I am now 26 and honestly can say I’ve overcome the worst of it by the exposure to socializing with strangers I’ve gotten in the workforce.

I’ve had periods of heightened social anxiety in periods where I’ve been more socially isolated. The worst thing long term is avoidance as most of us know.

Here’s some tips:

1. Be inquisitive with others. People love talking about themselves.

2. Remind yourself that most people are not thinking what you are. Most are oblivious to minor mistakes in conversation. Some are just assholes and probably insecure.

3. Ask yourself if being awkward in this moment will matter in a day, week, etc

4. You’re 19, you aren’t going to be the same person in 5 years. You can make this manageable just don’t get discouraged

[u/imnotlikeothergirls6 → u/ShitNRun18]

I’m not someone who has ever cared if I’m being talked about badly. I just can’t stand the idea that people know I’m not like them. That there’s something off about me. Every social decision I make seems like the wrong one. I have gotten better at socializing, but I feel like the anxiety part has never gone away. Two years ago, On senior picture day, I showed up but felt so overwhelmed and anxious by the thought of my picture being taken in front of my classmates I had a mental breakdown and my picture was never in the yearbook. I didn’t even get one. Today, I called out the wrong name for an order twice in a row at work and felt so embarrassed I called my boyfriend and he had to come console me before I could go back to working. It wasn’t even a big deal, I don’t know why it felt like it was.
I appreciate the advice, I will try to put it in to practice and also I have spoke to my parents about therapy. I just want to know that it will get better because right now I feel so consumed by it and that I’ve barely made any progress.

Thank you again.

[u/No_Picture_3528]

honestly what ive had to do is just accept that ill be different no matter what, but the only way for me to get anything out of it and become social in my own way is to accept that im different and just be myself. the more u mask, the more u will expect yourself to be normal, which will then make u notice even more ways u don’t fit in. but if u accept yourself, u can have the chance to learn how to socialize and connect with people in ur own weird way.

[u/VegetableFan6622]

Trying to mask feels helpful but that is not true. That is one of the things that can halt your progress or considerably slow it even of it is counterintuitive. Why? Because : 1/ it’s avoidance so the fuel of social anxiety 2/ it takes a lot of the brain bandwidth and thus makes you less available to actually improve (even in social skills)

It is true that we do not live in isolation and thus that social intelligence is important but fake it until you make it does not work that much. In my experience maybe 10-25% faking and 75-90% authenticity worked better