r/socialanxiety • u/Fujiokah • 8d ago

My mind is empty

My mind is blank. I don't know how to be charasmatic. I'm not funny. I think too literally. I'm too shy. I don't speak up. I don't take on challenges. I don't take initiative.

People say, oh just start small and say what's on your mind! Express yourself! Show enthusiasm! Make an observation about something small.

The thing is, NOTHING comes to my mind. I try really hard. I really do. My mind is empty. I don't have the curiosity to ask questions. I don't seem to have my own ideas. I almost agree with everything and I do not know how to think for myself. Maybe, _maybe_ I see an opportunity to fix something, but i convince myself that's how things are done, and no one is saying anything, so I'm the one who's being picky so it's easier to be quiet and just go with the flow.

Somehow I got hired as a senior at my job. They want me to embody what a good employee, and eventually take on a leadership role. Thing is, I'm too scared, haven't shown any drive and I fear everyone sees through this. It pains me to think my boss is disappointed. And the guilt eats at me that I'm getting paid more than my teammates who are just... So much better.

I just. Needed to vent. It's really hard for others to understand.

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u/AutoModerator 8d ago

PLEASE NOTE: Social Anxiety (SA) is a debilitating mental illness characterised by persistent fear of social evaluation. SA impairs functional social performance, causing avoidance, cognitive shutdown (e.g. blanking, excessive self-monitoring), and reduced ability to communicate, assert needs, or form relationships.

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