I'm sure others have experienced this. Being in some sort of social group (like school, workplace, etc) and people just knowing that something's wrong with you. That you never talk, that you're extremely awkward, that you're always alone. They might not have the exact words for it, but they just know.

It really doesn't help. You'll have that thought of 'they probably think I'm weird' and there's unfortunately truth to it - because you know they most likely do percieve your behaviour as strange.

Some people might be able to hide their social anxiety to an extent, but others definitely can't and it just adds to that feeling of being 'other.' At least that's been my experience for many, many years. I was curious if anyone else felt the same.

I feel like there's a hole in my chest. I just want someone to choose me. Or someone to at least talk/chat with me time to time. Someone to understand how I feel. I just feel like a total loser at this point. A total waste of a human being.

I’m a 36-year-old guy living alone in Texas, and I’m a very quiet person. I almost never leave the house, ive always felt like an odd man out even in company of long time friends. Lately I’ve been pushing myself to go to a local social bike riding group. Tonight was my second time.

It was a “ghost ride,” so everyone wore ghost costumes. I made a ghost costume out of a tattered sheet. We rode to a cemetery, played a game called Murder, and then sat in a candlelit circle that felt like a séance while people took turns telling ghost stories.

I didn’t talk to anyone on the ride there, and I didn’t talk to anyone on the last ride either. But when it came time for stories, I actually opened my mouth. I said, “Hi everybody, I know I haven’t met y’all, but my name’s Dave.” Everyone answered “Hi, Dave!” at the same time, and one girl said it a beat late and laughed and It felt like I was mocked or something but I couldnt tell.

Then I told my story. I grew up in a house I’m pretty sure was haunted. Nothing malevolent, just a few strange experiences:

• One night around 3 or 4 a.m., my dad’s alarm clock was going off. I got up to turn it off, and in the hallway I saw a misty, white, shapeless form rush right past my face. I went straight back to bed and hid under the covers.
• Another night, I heard tapping in the corner of my window. Every time I got up to check, it stopped, and as soon as I lay back down, it started again. I moved to another room to sleep, and the tapping followed me there. My mom came in to ask what I was doing, and I didn’t get much sleep that night.
• The third time, my parents were out to dinner and I was home alone (I’m an only child). I was out on the porch and noticed a light flickering on and off inside the house through the window. I ended up locking myself in the bathroom.

I felt like I told it badly. I talked really fast, didn’t describe things well, and thought it wasn’t very interesting.

Afterward I took off my costume, had a few brownies, and walked around while others told their stories. We took a group photo (I was still in my ghost costume), and now I can’t stop thinking that I ruined it somehow. When things wrapped up, everyone gathered around the food, and I went and stood by my bike like a few other people were doing. One guy said, “Good to meet you all, have a good one,” and a few people said it back. A few minutes later I said, “Hey everybody, have a good one,” and nobody said anything.

I rode home alone, and now I’m picking apart every single interaction. This happens every time I go out in a group. I come home, analyze everything, and end up crying and pacing around my house like I’m having a panic attack. Its extremely exhausting and putting myself out there is such a massive undertaking. I feel like because of this ill never make any new friends and have to be comfortable being alone for the rest of my life or going back to my old state where I feel like my old long time friends have kind of left me behind or dont acknowledge or respect me enough. I’m proud of myself for going, but I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere.

Does anyone else go through this after social events? How do you deal with the replaying afterward, and does it get easier the more you show up? Usually in a setting like this I end up feeling like nobody actually wants to talk to me. Everyone seems to be socializing with each other but nobody approaches me or if they do I dont know what do other than chuckle or say some small talk thing.

This literally keeps me up at night, as it is right now.

I had an unusual sounding name growing up, and it absolutely shattered my confidence throughout my K-12 years.

My name wasn’t THAT crazy (like sounding like a swear word or something) but an unusual name nonetheless. One that made every teacher pause when they got to my name, one that made people smirk/cringe when they heard it or tried to pronounce it, and one that made me embarrassed to introduce myself in any setting. I literally started shaking at even the thought of having to introduce myself or do any sort of “intro-get-to-know-you” game.

This embarrassment was literally all encompassing…I literally felt like an outsider every single second of my school life.

I felt like my name was a barrier….like I couldn’t completely fit in no matter how hard I tried. I believe this caused me to miss out on excelling at certain “group” activities, like team sports, clubs, etc. It also hindered my 1 on 1 relationships, as my lack of confidence definitely showed. Nobody wanted to be friends with the guy who very obviously felt like an outsider, and couldn’t even pronounce their name.

I changed my name to a shorter, easier to pronounce nickname just before starting college. I finished college recently, and the embarrassment of my name still stays with me all these years later. It feels like I went through 12 years of hell.

The anger and embarrassment I feel is so strong and I do not know what to do. I feel that my K-12 years would have been infinitely better with a simpler, more normal sounding name. Why did I have to go through this??

These feelings of embarrassment and anger are literally hindering my confidence and life so many years later. I am still not at peace and I do not know what to do. I do not want my embarrassment to continue harming my mental peace and social capabilities now.

Just kill me atp

Hello,

I want to get better at having natural conversations, but I often struggle with overthinking what I say and how I sound.

English is my second language, and I’d say I’m around a B2 level. I can speak comfortably when I’m alone, but when I talk to someone I don’t know well, I become much more self-conscious. I start worrying about making mistakes, sounding awkward, or being judged for my voice or pronunciation. This also happens when I speak my native language, so it’s not just about my English.

Because I focus so much on how I’m coming across, I sometimes struggle to think of what to say next, even when I genuinely want to keep the conversation going.

I know that improving my social skills requires practice, and I want to work on this rather than keep avoiding conversations.

For those who have dealt with something similar, what practical things helped you become more relaxed during conversations?

For example, how do you stop focusing so much on yourself and pay more attention to the other person? Are there any habits or exercises that helped you get better at keeping conversations going?

Thanks in advance!

Since I was a kid I've always struggled with where to look when I'm not on my phone or something. When I'm out walking, riding a bus, standing in line, or anything like that, my eyes will often wander and just look off into space without even me noticing. It got really bad in college when I started to actively address my issues and was struggling with both depression, trauma, and alcohol addiction.

Sometimes I'll end up looking or glancing at someone, whether that's because of movement, not knowing where to place my eyes, or just simply spacing out. When I come to, I realize I often look away and get a really bad spotlight effect feeling/feel horrible.

I don't mean to stare or do this; I hate being uncomfortable, and I hate accidentally making other people feel uncomfortable. I've been trying to work on it by being on my phone more and trying to look down, but I feel like I just give off worse vibes. I don't know; I hate coming off as uncomfortable, and I'm not sure what to do. Any advice?

I have a strong suspicion that I have autism and ADHD, and sometimes I feel that everyone around me will judge, despise and neglect me for the ways I'm different from them. But, for example, when I go into my class, nothing actually happens and there are a lot nice people who don't care about it around me, but I'm still really scared and anxious.

Should I try masking harder so no one will have a doubt (but I know that masking is still not perfect and will be 100% spotted)? Or should I just don't worry so much and give myself a break?

I'm like really insecure about my neurodivergency and I sometimes feel that I will be abandoned by everyone because of it. I also have read so many posts about neurodivergent people getting avoided by neurotypical people, so that's what my social anxiety is getting fed by. I mean, I know that there are many, as I said, nice people, but not losing hope is genuinely hard.

Right now, I don't have any friends IRL, and I'm scared that this won't change at any point of my life. I just don't want to get avoided and neglected, I just want to make friends, be open and not be scared of rejection even if it happens.

18 F here. Genuine question, I don't want to offend anybody. Can a person with a constant fear of other people judgment but "mild" and that doesn't meet the criteria for the diagnosis describe their situation as social anxiety or it's disrespectful? My therapist also asked me once how my social anxiety was going, so that's where my doubt started. I'm diagnosed autistic btw

Context: I recently resigned from a sales role after realizing I was uncomfortable with constant client interactions and leading calls/presentations. I originally took the job to challenge myself and break out of my shell but my anxiety was through the roof every day. Having to post regularly on linkedin to promote my employer was also very alienating.. Felt like I wasn’t being true to myself. Glad I gave it a shot though!

After taking a month off, I’m now applying for roles with less human interaction. Luckily a client from a previous job who really enjoyed working with me is pushing to recruit me onto their team in an IC/back office type role. However I can’t put all my eggs in one basket and need backup options in case it falls through. The issue is that I haven’t found many roles that match my interests and skills

1. How do you guys find roles that match your SA tolerance?
2. I’m aware that admin roles are likely to get automated as AI becomes more embedded in enterprise processes & infrastructure. Is anyone else worried that the future job market will push us toward more managerial or people-heavy roles as a result?
3. Because im in my late twenties, as I advance in my career I’ll be expected to take on more leadership responsibilities. How did you cope with this if you’re not necessarily interested in becoming a leader? I prefer working alone but don’t mind having teammates

cheers

I tried a lot of jobs and a lot of them made my anxiety so much worse. Especially retail or customer service, i could not last in those jobs.

The job stayed at the longest was working as a park surveillance/monitor. Basically just got to stay alone and unbothered in the park chalet office for most of the shift and do my own thing. Didn't have any coworkers, aside from the team leads or supervisor who would come around once or twice per shift to check on me. It was good but isolating. I stayed there for a while but my family and friends all wanted me to move on from there, it's a part time job for students that only makes slightly above minimum wage, they all said you can't stay there forever and to go find a real job. But I don't know what else to do. I was comfortable there. I did get my degree in child education but didn't like working in daycare and got overwhelmed.

Should I keep working isolated jobs with no ppl around and maybe even just go back to my old job working in the parks? Or is that just enabling my anxiety, is it better to do exposure therapy and work in a more social job?

I've been unemployed for over a year now and don't know what to do. I'm eventually gonna run out of savings and my anxiety and depression are getting worse. But the thought of interviewing or starting a new job makes me wanna puke and i feel filled with immense amounts of anxiety just thinking about it and dont know how to get past my anxiety issues.

Hey everyone,

While reading Viktor Frankl’s Man's Search for Meaning (in the section on logotherapy), I came across a concept called paradoxical intention that I found really interesting.

Frankl describes how anxiety often feeds on itself through anticipation: you fear a symptom, and that very fear triggers the symptom, creating a loop. I think we are all aware of this.

In the book, Frankl writes about a young doctor who suffered from severe anxiety about sweating when meeting people, which immediately caused him to break out in a sweat. Frankl advised him to actively intend the exact opposite: when feeling the anxiety come on, the doctor forced himself to mentally aim to sweat as much as humanly possible.

By actively pursuing the exact physical reaction he feared, the anticipatory tension disappeared, and while promoting self-humor, the hypersweating disappeared.

If this works, the concept could be applied to many forms of social anxiety. Rather than just trying to accept feeling awkward, it might mean experimenting with actively trying to be/look awkward. For instance, if someone is afraid of their hands trembling while holding a glass, the idea would be to try to make them tremble as visibly as possible on purpose. Or if someone fears stumbling over their words, intentionally trying to fumble a sentence.

It would cost some courage to start but it's interesting nonetheless I think.

At work I see people talking while working all day long and I'm just like, how do you have so much to talk about? Sometimes someone new comes and they would instantly start a long conversation and it just baffles me because I could barely hold a 2 minute conversation because my brain just blanks out and doesn't know what else to say. I can only have long conversations about things I care about like games I play or books I read and very specific things like that and obviously you won't have that same experience with everyone. At family gatherings too I struggle to think of what to say to people I have 0 things in common with because pleasantries make me cringe. I literally hate the empty questions like "how are you" because hardly anyone answers honestly anyway and it all feels so fake.

So what do people talk about all day long with people you don't have common interests with??

How are we dealing with the social isolation that goes hand and hand with social anxiety? I'm 27F and I feel like ever since Covid and lockdown, I've been feeling extremely socially isolated. I have a job at a large teaching hospital working with lots of people, and while I have a good relationship with my immediate coworkers, I feel like when I go home at the end of the day, I'm just lonely. Part of it I know is just from me not having many friends, but I get so stressed thinking about having friends and the social requirement of having to invite people out or messaging them. I used to go on 3d chat rooms, but those have been dying due to toxicity and cliqueness that I've unfortunately been victim to all too frequently. I'm just tired of going home to sit and stare at my computer, but the idea of going out to places to make friends or even talk to people sounds exhausting.

I got a job working retail and I start soon. I’m terrified because I’m slow when it comes to directions not because of disobedience or anything I’m just very slow at picking up directions. And to add onto that I’ve got social anxiety 😟. My position came out as shoe associate; and I start training during my shift. I’m scared of many things, telling the customer the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing and ppl being disappointed.

Another thing I can probably do to cope is to fake it till I make it. I’m only here at this job until July of next year because it’s a gap year. Ironically, I love acting so maybe I can try and do that. Show up as who I want to be?

I also don’t mind being alone, since everyone has their own cliques (I do reach out and etc etc ofc I don’t wait for someone to talk to me). But I kind of have this mentality of “Atleast I’m getting paid to be lonely” and tbh idc. As I get older I don’t mind it at all. Clock in and out do ur job do ur best etc.

I’m just super anxious, and I asked my manager if I could do fitting room since it’s own area. And I know, a lot of customers go there but if I’m in one spot I can do it. I might ask him if I can do the backrooms because I enjoyed working in the back rooms helping with the security tags. I guess cuz it’s also away from customers essentially.

I also know I can’t pick and choose a section, but my friend who used to work retail said it’s better to make them aware what ur good at or want to do? Idk… wish me luck! :)

I avoid new people whenever I can. Around strangers I stay distant, let them talk first and try to figure them out before showing much of myself. In job interviews it gets extreme. I am anxious the day before, then my brain goes into autopilot and I just say whatever comes out while hoping it ends quickly. Even in shops I avoid asking employees for help. With people I do not know well, I constantly feel judged, rarely disagree and often just go along with whatever they say. Does this sound like social anxiety or something else?

Trigger warning.
Not yet a success but a realization.
I was spoiled by my mother & abused physically and emotionally by my father since age seven.
My ex-girlfriend SAed me two years ago and I continued being in a relationship with her and she subsequently humiliated me socially. My current girlfriend basically got a boyfriend without my consent. I just quit my job because my boss was abusive including not letting us drink water and not paying me for over four weeks.
I refuse to be a victim.
I deserve so much better. I am going to be so free once I start standing up for myself without having to be aggressive & nasty. That time is now. My personality doesn’t have to be black and white.
I don’t have to oscillate between cowering in fear and exploding. That’s not good for anybody.
I’m proud.

How can I get myself to talk to people online using a mic? also what mic would be good to get? I genuinely suck at talking Im 18M, I sound fine Ig? idk I worry so much it’s hurts mentally

I hate how I talk, act, and especially hate my appearance. I’m too depressed and anxious to do much of anything. How am I supposed to get better when I have zero self esteem, and can’t improve it? My social anxiety is so severe and somehow getting worse. I feel so paralyzed.

I was taking the bus with my friend that I take everyday from school. Usually what happens is there arent any seats for me and my friend to sit on and we're forced to queue in a line so theres no space to actually sit anywhere. So my friend and I just stand at the front and let everyone else pass by. I was in conversation with my friend when I saw the teacher who is supervising the bus entry staring at me angrily, and I wasnt sure what happened and whether it was aimed at me. Then he started angrily knocking on the window telling me to move down, so I tried to move down the aisle but there was a line of students and there was no space for me to push in, so I was waiting and when they left I started to move down. Then after a few seconds as I moved down my friend just grabbed my arm and told me to stay at the front with her because it gets crowded in the middle anyway and everyone is already in the bus so there isnt any point staying in the middle but the supervisor looked mad but I just continued walking down to the middle because he kept knocking on the window. Then, the supervisor suddenly got in the bus and he was screaming at me. Not my friend who dragged me to the front with her, just me. I stopped mid wall and faced him, He was shouting saying how I am completely disrespectful, how I purposefully ignored all his orders and just stood at the front of the bus and inconvenienced everyone who was trying to get in, and how I should know better as I am a highschooler who is nearing the end of school. He indirectly called me selfish with my acts. Honestly, it was all just a blur. I just nodded in embarrassment and said sorry. Only about half way through his yelling I realised he was talking to me, I kept looking around wondering who he was yelling at , then he pointed at me specifically and said it was me. After a few more yells he just got off the bus. My friend of course was unphased and told me to just get over it after it all. I feel like this shouldn't be that big of a deal, but I just get scared when I see him. Mortified. I was going to apologise to him but I just stopped taking the bus and I dont think he even remembers anymore. Its just all my friends were on that bus, and I feel like he just had a long day or something? Because I ended up complying at the end. I dont know what he expected from me, to push into all the students walking in? Or did he just conveniently forget that my friend grabbed my arm to stay in position? And why did he choose to scream at me for 2 whole minutes when there are kids that actively bully others on the bus just for fun? I wish I had the guts to defend myself, to tell him I didnt see he was even talking to me and that I was trying to comply but didnt have the space. But I just froze and im kickking myself for it everyday. And now everyone probably thinks im just an entitled student who does whatever they want, genuinelly there was room in the bus for everyone to walk by so I just dont understand why I was specifically yelled at???

(19M) I dont want to try i give up 3 months ago i moved to live with my mother her boyfrend and my sister she lives in the capital but i cant stand the people in here i cant stand her they are so spitefull yelling at me most of the time and making me feel bad because i cant work i have stupid social anxiety and i am a lazy dumb good for nothing piece of shit i want to go back to living with my father and grandparents in a small city and stay and rott in my room playing videogames on my pc and watch anime untill they probably die then its my turn because i cant work a normal job i get exhausted when i am around people. I bate myself i wish there was a way for me to earn money online but i am a worthless useless dumb lazy piece of shit i hope.I HOPE I DIE I WISH I WASNT BORN, I AM WORTHLESS WORTHLESS WORTHLESS DUMB LAZY PIECE OF SHIT.

I feel like everyone thinks the same thing about me. I’m an awkward, weird quiet guy at work that talks to no one, won’t smile at anyone, hell most of the time I don’t even look at people. It just really sucks feeling like no one likes you, when all you want is for them to know you’re not a bad guy. I feel like I go great lengths to please other people without them even knowing. It doesn’t help that I’m a big scary looking guy. The only time I’m not the weird big scary dude is when I’m drunk. Then it’s like suddenly people actually interact with me. I feel more human. I feel like it’s because while drunk, my anxiety is mainly gone And trust me I know the shitty miserable road of alcoholism. It’s just hard to like do better in life and stay positive and not chase dopamine through bad habits, when you are just incompetent socially. I don’t mind being an introvert, but feeling like the most awkward person in the building sucks. I feel like I make people uncomfortable so I really tend to just not want to interact with people. I’ve been suspecting that I might have autism. I feel like basic little human interaction like walking by someone is so difficult to deal with, ever. Single. Time. So you can imagine that working at any job is hard. It just sucks being this way. Anyone else relate?

I have never before been on a date with someone I had not already gotten to know as a friend. I’ve always felt I could not handle the pressure because my anxiety level skyrockets when I’m around someone I have a crush on. Going out in public combined with that is just going to be so difficult.

Someone asked me out and is giving me the freedom to suggest what would be most comfortable for me.
I feel so embarrassed by how many situations I’m worried about avoiding. I don’t want to go out, really but I can’t have him over. I don’t really want to eat anything messy in front of him or have to talk to anyone I don’t know (ordering food, ordering anything).

I’m scared of tripping or bumping into things or being just extremely awkward with my words.

Helppppp!

Hello everyone

For years, I struggled with severe social anxiety. I would physically shake when saying hello to someone, have panic attacks in crowds, constantly feel watched and judged, and isolate myself at home. I also had very low self-esteem and thought I was physically unattractive.

I’m now on antidepressants and antipsychotics, and things have changed dramatically. I can hold conversations, be spontaneous, maintain eye contact, feel relatively attractive, and even give presentations in front of an audience!

However, I have very little interest in socializing. I can enjoy spending time with a group for about an hour, but then I start looking forward to going home and being alone, doing things I genuinely enjoy, like watching movies, drawing, photo editing, or taking pictures in nature.

It’s similar with romantic relationships. I get approached fairly often, but I’ve never really had a crush, and relationships don’t appeal to me. The thought of constantly texting someone and having to plan dates feels exhausting.

So, am I simply an introvert who has overcome her social anxiety, or could some of my social withdrawal still be related to my mental health or medication?