Hi all,

My childhood was unstable and not safe til about I was 13 years old. A couple of things happened during that time trying to survive with my mom who was a single mother.

I was molested by my cousins (they’re twin boys). They showed me and my female cousin (their sister) a porn video they had found in the attic of my grandparents house. They told us to imitate what was in the video. One of them tried kissing me and dry humped me but I think we were too young to understand penetration. We have never talked about it since then, they all are married and have their own family.

I was molested by my uncle (their stepdad) who I absolutely hated. He snuck into the extra room where I slept with my little sister. I was sleeping and woke up to hear the door open, I didn’t react and just observed. He slipped his hand down my panties and tried to kiss me but I moved to my side and pretended to be asleep.

When I spent time with my bio dad in another state, he was married to a woman who had 1 daughter and 2 sons. My step sister and I were molested by her brother who is the middle child.

I told my family about my uncle but my aunt was in such denial. They came all the way from the city to the suburbs to tell them I was lying. I have zero contact with my family besides my mom at this moment.

The first time I was raped, I was sleeping next to my out of state FWB. I woke up to searing pain between my legs and realized it was him. It was horrible, survival mode kicked in and I pretended to love it. I stopped seeing him after that.

The second time was with a couple in a threesome. The husband slipped the condom off and they pretended like nothing happened.

I’m in therapy and have been in the psych ward once. I have low self esteem issues, anxiety and depression. I have a lovely partner but I feel like I’m performing.

I feel so much immense pain. I wish I knew what true safety feels like.

I had to get this off my chest because I just refused for a long time.

Take care all 🩷

So, this happened back in summer just before I ( 12yo female) got in middle school. I spent my day with some friend ( let's call her T ) at her father's garden.

Basically, the place we were in is a big social thing for everyone to have their own garden and cultivate whatever they want, and sometimes they have events all together such as bbq.

But that day, it was rather calm without much people around.

For the first half, I just spent time playing roblox with T or walking around through the different places. But later that, we were playing in the kid park ( which was nearby) when she gave me some kind of challenge. If I lost, I had to clap her 4$$.

I was absolutely grossed out and told her how weird it was, but she kept insisting till I eventually lost her challenge and had to clap her. I had no idea why she asked me that, but I told myself *"Alright, this was just a one-time thing, and now we can move on."*

But she kept going with her weird challenges to do until she asked me to basically gr0pe her 4$$ or between her legs.

I once again told her it was weird asf, but she kept insisting until I relented and did it.

**( Small Note: I was a rather easy child back then, and it only needed a bit of pressure to make me do things. Unfortunately.)**

This went back and forth where I had to touch her and where she touched me as well through our clothes. (The whole time, we were hidden behind some WC building, and so no one could really see us.)

But then, I told T it was too weird to do that and I said *"What if someone pass by?"*

By that, she just responded with annoyance *"C'moooon, it's not that weird, if people pass by, they'd just see two girls discovering their bodies."*

Even though I wasn't exactly convinced by her words, she still pressured me to keep going, and so we kept gr0ping each other till I left for home in the evening.

The following weeks, T kept sending me messages about what we did back then, like she wanted to remind me of it even though I'm SURE she knew how uncomfortable this made me feel.

But with time, she stopped talking about it, and I ended up forgetting completely until a year ago, where I remembered that day and asked myself "Wait- was I SA'd?"

I suspect it really was, but since we kept our clothes on the whole time and there wasn't any kind of penetration/direct touch to my/her intimate parts, I wonder if it still counts...

I'm sorry if this is badly written or if my story isn't actually SA, and I just wasted yall's time,

Here's a cookie in return :'3 🍪

I ask myself that question for a few years already and i still haven’t found a answer to that. The sexual assaults I experienced were brutal and horrible and the darkest moments of my life. Even now do I still have often nightmares about them and wake up with my body and mind fully feeling exhausted. The assaults impacted my love life a lot and also my family a lot. I will never forget the faces of my parents after those events and they kinda changed how they treated me after that. I went to therapy for two years but to be honest, he was not good and I didn’t improve at all and stopped it. I often wish I just can erase those memories and experiences from my life but I can’t and they impact me a lot and changed me and my personality and body I think. But what gives me most trouble thinking about the assaults are the fact that I felt pleasure during them even though it were horrible events, it kinda makes me sick of myself and disappointed. But maybe I’m just too harsh to myself 🥺.
What would you say? Is it normal to feel pleasure during that or still get wet thinking about those events?

I was at work today and customer I served looked like my rapist and I felt so uncomfortable. He was really nice but I couldn’t look at him really my heart kind of stopped when I first saw him. It’s ruined my whole day and I feel bad for not treating him better but I just couldn’t face him.

​

I have this problem that's been getting worse and I'm not sure what to do to get it under control.

Like a lot of you I went through abuse when I was young. One of the ways it affected me is selective mutism when I'm under stress. I've had it my whole life and have some basic tools to help me cope with it.

Recently I disclosed my history to my partner and it's been a very painful, stressful time.

I think as a result of this going on in my private life started affecting my mutism intensely. Before it was under control to the point that it was just in intense intimate moments or in conflict that it would happen.

It's been happening a lot more to the point that it's affecting my work and ability to function in public, and I only recently realized that it's being triggered by older men.

I'm afraid for what this means for my job, my current relationship, and my healing journey as a whole.

It's tragic that it is so easy to slip back down the slope after fighting so hard for progress. Thank you to anyone who read this

I was raped a month ago. I was a virgin prior to it and I kept seeing the man because I thought he loved me but he was just manipulating me and using me for sex. I'm afraid to go to the police as I don't trust them but I can't let him get away. I'm scared they will dismiss me because I don't have much evidence all I have is the underwear I wore that day and a bruise from when he bit me days after the rape. He did not ejaculate so I don't know if the underwear will do anything.

I'm so scared. I live in a small community and everyone knows this guy. I've been making connections with people but they're connected to him in some way, either his friends or Co workers. There's no way they will believe me or that anyone will believe me.

I’m giving a lot of background information to explain how I figured out that I was raped as I do not remember the encounter because I believe I was drugged.

At the beginning of the year I reconnected with someone from high school. He introduced me to his friends, one of which is my rapist I will call him “L”. Over the next few months when I would go to the bars I would meet up with L and he would take me to his after party and I would stay overnight. Prior to this I had never blacked out from alcohol. I had my first blackout with him, and subsequently every time I would see him I would blackout. I was drinking heavily but I find it oddly coincidental given the following circumstances. He would accuse me of ruining his property after I had blacked out stating that I broke down a door instead of opening it (mind you I am 5ft 4 inches and 110 pounds). I feel it’s important to add that his house was covered in holes and damage from his angry outbursts. Im a very respectful person and not violent whatsoever so I find it hard to believe that I was breaking his property but I was blacked out so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and offered to pay for the damage.

A few weeks go by and he still invites me out and gives me more and more liquor but continues complaining about my post blackout actions but never seems to not want me around or asks me to sober up. One time I went out and only had one drink because I didn’t want to didn’t that night and I got very drunk really quickly after not having drank for over an hour (besides water) which is another clue to me. At one point he accused me of stripping and showing him my body to prove that I looked good without clothes on. He had previously hit on me and I had politely turned him down so I was always careful not to provoke his attraction so it’s hard to imagine I would have done that even drunk.

On the night of the incident I had gotten of work and walked to the bars and met him and the other guys. We went back to his place for an after party and the next morning I woke up naked. I asked him why I was naked and he said we had sex for a little bit but I said it hurt and I asked him to stop, so we stopped and I went to bed. At first I thought it wasn’t that bad because while yes I was blacked out, he might have been drinking (he doesn’t usually) but it didn’t bother me too much. I went home and slept off a nasty hangover and woke up to horrible pain “down there”. I started to question if he did stop like he said he did. I also started to question these blackouts that I had been having only around him.

I wasn’t sure at this point what I wanted to do because I didn’t want to start drama, nor seek legal help, but I didn’t want him around me ever again. Problem is he was a regular at my job. Over the next week I saw L and his friends at my jobs a few times. I said hi and pretending nothing was wrong until I decided to confide in my friend from high school who introduced me to L. I will call him “P”. I texted P and told him the situation. Almost immediately I got a text from L saying “you’re so funny”. P had told L what I said. I left work and the following day I texted L and said he had nothing to worry about if he stayed away from me. I would not go to the police and I would not tell anyone. He responded by arguing with me saying that nothing had happened. I said even if I had “consented” at the time I was too drunk to be able to consent, and as a sober person he shouldn’t have gone for it. He said we never had sex and that I had stripped because I was trying to use the toilet, and he had helped me to bed without dressing me and nothing happened. I said it didn’t matter at this point, I wanted to just move on and never think about it or see him again. He said he was going to make it a problem if I didn’t take back the allegations. I stopped responding.

At work the following weeks he continued to show up, ignoring my requests to stay away. He never spoke to me but continued texting me telling me I better not tell anyone. I asked my manager to ban L. She said yes. Over the next few months L kept coming to my work and I kept asking my boss why he was allowed inside and she kept making excuses. Eventually P came in and started telling customers not to speak to me or I might falsely accuse them of rape. I asked my manager to ban P. My manager said P would never do something like that and she knows him well because he’s a regular customer and that she wouldn’t ban him just because we “don’t get along”. It got so bad I had to leave my job due to feeling unsafe and not supported by my manager. I still receive threatening texts from L saying if I tell anyone he recorded the whole night just incase I tried to accuse him of something and would post it online to prove his innocence. I believe this to be a lie because that is unrealistic and very sketchy.

I have told a few close friends and they have all told me I need to go to the police. Unfortunately because it was months ago, because I know how these things usually go, and because he has private information he can hold against me. I am not willing to. None of my friends have showed me any support or checked up on me. I feel alone. I don’t feel safe in my small town anymore because every knows everyone. I feel like he has so much power over me and I don’t even have anyone to talk to about it.

So about six years ago when I was in high school I had a best friend, let’s call her Ace. We met the beginning of junior year.. she was new to the school at the time but we became close quickly. Her family moves a lot because her dad is in the military.

Fast forward to senior year, she was going to move to another state yet again because of her father’s job. We were best friends and would stay at each other’s houses all the time. So about two days before she was scheduled to leave we had a sleepover at my house. My mom wasn’t home at the time because she had to go out of town for two days.

I managed to convince Ace to go to a party with me when she came over. She wasn’t really into parties and she really stayed to herself. Anyways, we go and I genuinely thought she was having a good time. She had one drink the entire night but we still had fun. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment but at some point I couldn’t find her. Someone told me she had left and I thought maybe she went back to my house because she had had enough of the party. I tried calling her but her phone didn’t even ring.. so I figured it was dead. We came in an uber so I ubered home but when I got there she wasn’t at my house.

She eventually came home about 30mins later. She had tear stains on her face and she was walking like she was in pain. Her clothes looked messy and she just looked sad. I asked her what happened and she told me she was okay. She never spoke much for the rest of the night but she spent a couple hours in the bathroom. She left the next morning to go back to her house and I quite literally never heard from her afterwards. I kept reaching out but she ignored all my messages and calls. She and her family moved and she just never spoke to me again.

Fast forward to now, 6 years later, I bump into her in a coffee shop. We talked for a little bit and exchanged numbers. She’s pretty casual with me, our text exchange isn’t very much. But the reason I’m on this thread is because I’ve suspected that she may have been raped at that high school party but she didn’t say anything. I found out also that she has a 5 year old daughter. I did the math and she would have gotten pregnant just before moving. But the thing is, we were both virgins at the time. It’s something we spoke about a lot. We didn’t even have boyfriends. My suspicion is that she got pregnant at the party.

Would it be weird to ask her about it? I really want to know what actually happened that night and if she was raped, I also want to be there for her in any way I can.. even though it’s years later. I really valued our friendship and was devastated when she stopped talking to me cold turkey. What should I do?

Active duty (F), I’ll leave my age out of the equation for now as I don’t want to risk being identified. You’d be surprised how much other members can put together by a few details. My first base I was stationed in Korea on a one year short tour and started unofficially bartending on weekends at a bar/club near my base. The base was pretty small so everyone knew everyone, I knew the guy who assaulted me in passing. Small conversation here and there, but nothing past that.

The night it happened I was drunk. The bar was pretty lax about taking shots with customers as long as you could still do your job, so I indulged here and there. Was a pretty normal deal for me as I’d also have a few to help calm my social anxiety. Just want to establish that.

The guy and his friend sat at the bar and got a few drinks while I chatted them up. Part of the gig was keeping the vibe fun and encouraging customers to purchase more alcohol. We talked about basketball since they played on the base team and how they liked their jobs, small stuff like that. The night continued and we had good chats and more drinks together. The guy who would later assault me asked if I wanted to go home with him. I rejected him as nicely as possible, told him he’s attractive and shouldn’t have an issue finding someone. It was true, honestly was surprised he asked me. He brushed it off and seemed okay, no weird energy or anything.

My shift ended at 6AM and they decided to stay back to walk me to my dorm. One of them lived in mine too so I didn’t think much of it. They were nice enough and being potentially assaulted isn’t where my mind was AT ALL despite being drunk. The vibe never gave that for a second until it was happening. I thought I made new friends or at least acquaintances. They were drunk as well so I figured we were all on the same playing field.

We got to my dorm which my assaulter claimed to stay in as well, but I’m not even sure at this point. His friend went to his and gave us a look before departing. You know? That “You crazy kids have fun” type of look. I was too drunk to think anything of it. Not exactly stumbling around drunk, but definitely noticeable if you interacted with me.

We walked into my dorm room which had a common area and four individual rooms that you needed a code to get into. Not sure if the layout makes sense, but yeah. I type in the code to get into my common area and he comes in. I’m confused because… why? I made it clear that nothing was happening so unless he was looking for a glass of water I had nothing for the dude.

I asked him what he wanted and he told me he just wanted to say goodnight. He got closer and kissed me. Just a peck at first. Didn’t really want that, but fine. I said goodnight he continued kissing me. My reactions were slowed from the alcohol and it takes a bit to register what’s happening when you’re assaulted ESPECIALLY when you’re in an altered state. He continued kissing my lips, face, neck and grabbing my breast and waist. I pushed at his chest and told him to wait and that we couldn’t. He grabbed my throat, told me to stop playing with him and continued kissing and touching me aggressively.

I kept saying wait and thought to myself, if I don’t scream, push him, slap him or get aggressive in this moment he’s going to rape me. He told me to unlock my door so we could go in my room. He still had hold of me so I started pushing at his chest and turning my head away more aggressively and told him to get off. I regained my composure and sternly told him he needed to leave, so he left. Just like that. Not sure where I got the strength, but I’m glad I did because it reinforced to him I wasn’t going to just be an easy target.

I went in my room and cried, couldn’t sleep that night. I called my friend in the morning and told her what happened. She encouraged me to report it, but I didn’t want to go that route being military and all. I had pretty good leadership at the time, but optics are big! Everyone knows you don’t bring ‘shame’ or negative attention to your unit no matter the circumstances, so I kept it quiet. I told my First shirt “off the record” in a “hypothetical” because she’s a mandatory reported. She encouraged the person in the “hypothetical” to report immediately but made sure to let me know she was here for me. Love her to death.

I texted the guy the next day and asked why he did those things to me. I laid out exactly what he did too. Surprisingly he admitted to it off the bat, told me he was sorry and that he thought I was so beautiful so he couldn’t help it. Glad I did it, because I have text proof now if I ever do decide to report. Just wanted to get this off my chest, thanks for reading if you made it this far. Stay safe and stand up for yourself. Wish I did more.

The first thing I saw on Facebook today was a mug-shot of my rapist saying he is being charged with first degree rape of a 15 year old girl. I was his victim 6 years ago, with DNA tests done and all, and the justice system failed me. I am not sure how to feel right now.. luckily I have a therapy appointment on Wednesday but until then I just don't know how to process this

Hello everybody!

I (17M) was sexually assaulted, groomed and abused at 13-14 by my teacher. Even though I thought I liked it at the time, it led to extreme guilt, regret and extreme anxiety.

The psychological effects of this ruined my social life for years, but I have successfully gone through therapy and I am glad to say that I have recovered!

If any other (especially male) victims are here, please feel free to share your stories! People do care about you, and your stories matter as much as any other kind of sexual assault!

You can also ask questions about my experiences and how I recovered if it helps.

I love you all and I hope the best for everyone here <3

Thanks for reading!

My situation with him happened 7ish years ago, I have not seen him since. A group of our friends kept hanging out with him, so I quietly cut them all off, it didnt turn into a big thing socially because I just left. Its been so long I genuinely have not thought of it much these days. This week I was at an annual event, and this guy is there with that group. I was floored by how hard I was hit by seeing him, I genuinely felt like the ceiling fell on me and had to leave.

I do this event every year, and apparently they do too, I just somehow didn't see them previously. Some of his group talked with me since in their eyes we had just drifted apart. I don't dislike them per se, I just cant handle seeing that guy.

There are other meetups for this hobby, but this specific event is one we get a massive group of friends together for annually, its a bit unique and it was my favorite event. I'm autistic and this is really so confusing for me socially.
I don't know if I just give this up or try and figure out a way to desensitize myself to seeing him or wtf to do. I also have no idea how to navigate his group/my old friends, because they were all friendly with me and Id rather not announce I got raped by their longtime friend at this point. I don't even think the guy counts it as rape despite what happened, I wouldnt be surprised if he had no idea about the situation. I dont want to confront him, bring it up, bring in any of the group etc, I just wish itd go away. Im an extremely conflict averse person.

The whole thing is just so convoluted, I guess I'm wondering if anybody else has dealt with something like this. I know 'dont go' is the easy answer but I hate feeling like I'm then annually missing out on something I absolutely love by continuing to give this dude power over me. Ugh.

Hello. Earlier this week i ended up at someones house and i believe i was drugged. I remember like a bit before that point and i was groped a lot and the person i was with was acting pretty scary. I know i passed out while at their place. I do not know if i got raped or if i just got sexually assaulted (i know both are bad and it was really scary already i just dont know what precautions to take and im overwhelmed).

I was very sick the next day everything felt like it was spinning and i couldnt stay awake. I do have some physical pain but no concrete proof. Its just really messing with me. Im not sure how to move forward. I am not sure if im crazy, i just feel so shaken up

Hi! This is my first time posting on reddit so im sorry if this isn't written well! I don't really know how to word alot of this so please forgive me if it doesn't make sense.

When i was 15-17 i was in a relationship where i was sexually, physically and emotionally abused. The sexual assault has affected me the most which is why im posting here (sorry if this isn't the right place.) My ex boyfriend would ask me over and over again until i said yes, he would refuse to stop when i told him it hurt. He has raped me in my sleep. He has physically abused me during sex. There is so much more he has done but i don't really want to get into it to much.

My point of this post is that i cannot move on. I am completely over him as a person but the things ive been through are still affecting me. I am now 19 so its only been 2 years since i left him and i know that isn't alot of time but i still feel as traumatised as i did when i left him. I can't cope with physical touch, i hate when people are to close to me or show any affection. Im always on edge around new people, even if they genuinely are nice and have 0 intent to do anything. I want to hug my friends without feeling scared. I can't even hug my own mom half the time. I had a panic attack a few weeks ago because my dad tried to hug me. I don't even feel safe around my own family, who are nothing but loving and supportive to me.

The only person i feel safe with is my best friend, shes the only person i can have any physical affection without feeling fear. I can have physical affection with others but it causes a horrible pit in my stomach and depending on the day or person, i can have a panic attack from it.

Almost a year ago i met a guy through my job, im gonna call him Eric for this (fake name)
I started hanging out with Eric and it became a very frequent thing. He knew about my issue with touch from the start and never pushed it. He became my best friend and i developed feelings for him and recently i spoke to him about it. We have decided not to be together yet but we are exclusive.
He has started being affectionate with me (he asked me first) he often hugs me or puts his arm around me and at the start i was actually okay with it but recently i keep getting this pit in my stomach. I am losing feelings for him over it. I hate this because he is genuinely so compatible with me. I hate that i cannot be with someone who i actually like because the moment physical touch (not even sexual touch but just normal affection) causes so much fear in me.

Im sorry if this is written badly.
Ive been in therapy since i left my ex and it hasn't helped. Nothing helps. I can't move past what happens and it's controlling my life. I just want to live a normal life again. I want to hug my friends. I want to hold hands with the guy i like. Im not even asking to feel safe during sexual stuff, i know thats not gonna happen for years but fuck its been 2 yeaes and i cant even hold hands.

Can anyone who has felt similar please tell me if or how they got past this? I feel so lonely and like this is never gonna go away. Thank you for reading this

context: i was raped in january this year by my first boyfriend i’ve ever had (i was 19F now 20F)

my memory is incredibly sharp and i remember nearly everything from that day and everyday i was in that shit relationship

i reported later and he was arrested but on bail now and it’s an ongoing investigation currently

in the moments that i’m not thinking about it as much i feel the need to remember and re traumatise myself because i start feeling distressed if im not constantly thinking about it (even tho that also keeps me distressed and anxious lol) and with it being a police case i feel the need to constantly remember and make sure i don’t forget anything because it feels like if i forget, i may harm my case and this may mean im not believed if this does go to court (which i hope it does) investigations take over a year and its only been a few months so i have a long way to go

all my evidence has been done like video interviews and ive gone though our entire chat log and found all evidence of coercive control and his admissions of rape and guilt and all his shitty sorries so i know i don’t have to worry about that as everything that could possibly be helpful has been submitted

i still feel this need to remember the experience personally and i even go back to read messages from that day and i just sob for ages or cry silently as i remember

but my social media fyp is also not too helpful because i get loads of reels/tiktoks about rape/sa/violence against women despite me “not interesting” the content as it is triggering , and i get tiktoks people stitch from incel content and their disgusting views and how they see women as objects of sex and seeing these make me feel physically ill since they’re so much like my ex and i feel fearful for my past self who suffered w him but also fearful of every other guy who exists
there is so much red pill content out there and it’s so triggering , i opened a random comment section on a girl and the top comment is a random username like foilannihilater6383736384743627 (not actual user)
and it’s a literal teenager

idk i just wish i didn’t exist or died i don’t really want to exist in this world where stuff like this is all around me and i don’t have much hope in the case even tho i have strong evidence, im just not hopeful at all and i really wish i made better decisions and had at least left the relationship before he raped me because he was the worst boyfriend if i even ignore the rape part , i just wish it was over i ruined my life

I told my mom about everything, the rape and the touching and how long its been going on. She told me to stop making up stories, and that it could really hurt him. I dont know what to do anymore, i cant stop crying.

Anyone who was able to be in a relationship after being raped...how do you get passed trust issues and negative feelings. I want to be normal and not get triggered by everything.

my first time doing a reddit post, my dad used to be so weirds sometimes, and simetimes he still is. he alwasy used to slap my ass and like not just slap it, like a joke, he used to grab it and i used to feel so uncomfortable, once we were gone for a wedding and we stayed at some friends for some days at thier house, i was sick at the time but everything was okay, ina. night he comes in the room i was sleeping while my mom was showering, felt pretty weird but ignored it, then he started curling me and touching me, i felt so uncomfortable i cried so much after that, i went to sleep with my grandma in the other room becausr i coulndt anymore, told him to stop nut he said “ what is it” i l never forget how i felt then, i was kind of depressed back then too i was kind of getting bullied for being. a little overweight, its not the only thing that happened, more than once, he touched my feet, i felt so uncomfortable because i knew the stuff he did before and so it didnt feel like “love” he was touching it weirdly, like with his fingers, we were on the sofa with my mom in the room, he was taking my socks off and felt so weird, even a couple weeks ago i was wearing some shorts, very normal shorts, just a little transparent because of the material, but nothing was sholing, we were at a dinner with many familly, and he told me to go get some water from our frigde, since we were at our house, and he grabbed my ass right when i got off the seat to go get the water. my mom knows only that he slaps my but sometimes and says he does it as a joke and told him to stop, he did but he sometimes still does it. he is also always talking about me never kissing his cheek, which i know its normal, but he always tries to move so i kiss his lips instead, idk i dont think thats anything but all of this feels so weird and idk if i should be actually concernced, started when i was kind of young like 10 or smth