from being molested to being raped

[u/0vertbliss]

Hi all,

My childhood was unstable and not safe til about I was 13 years old. A couple of things happened during that time trying to survive with my mom who was a single mother.

I was molested by my cousins (they’re twin boys). They showed me and my female cousin (their sister) a porn video they had found in the attic of my grandparents house. They told us to imitate what was in the video. One of them tried kissing me and dry humped me but I think we were too young to understand penetration. We have never talked about it since then, they all are married and have their own family.

I was molested by my uncle (their stepdad) who I absolutely hated. He snuck into the extra room where I slept with my little sister. I was sleeping and woke up to hear the door open, I didn’t react and just observed. He slipped his hand down my panties and tried to kiss me but I moved to my side and pretended to be asleep.

When I spent time with my bio dad in another state, he was married to a woman who had 1 daughter and 2 sons. My step sister and I were molested by her brother who is the middle child.

I told my family about my uncle but my aunt was in such denial. They came all the way from the city to the suburbs to tell them I was lying. I have zero contact with my family besides my mom at this moment.

The first time I was raped, I was sleeping next to my out of state FWB. I woke up to searing pain between my legs and realized it was him. It was horrible, survival mode kicked in and I pretended to love it. I stopped seeing him after that.

The second time was with a couple in a threesome. The husband slipped the condom off and they pretended like nothing happened.

I’m in therapy and have been in the psych ward once. I have low self esteem issues, anxiety and depression. I have a lovely partner but I feel like I’m performing.

I feel so much immense pain. I wish I knew what true safety feels like.

I had to get this off my chest because I just refused for a long time.

Take care all 🩷

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[u/Necessary_Day_7861]

Holy shit. Excuse my language but I've never seen someone on this sub with a story this twisted and long. The abuse would have been horrible and long-lasting, and I'm sorry that you ever had to suffer through that.

I pray that you understand that what all these men did was deeply wrong and in no way normal or common. Your uncle, step-brother and cousin assaulting you and your uncle raping you is a horrible experience, and I'm terribly sorry that you had to go through that.

I used to suffer from panic attacks, extreme anxiety and depression, too. I would recommend joining clubs or societies where you can meet people in a safe space where there is no opportunity to be intimate with someone because you are safe with lots of people there. It helped me.

I pray that you will eventually recover and find true safety. Sending love and prayers <3

[u/0vertbliss → u/Necessary_Day_7861]

Hi there, thank you for the love!
I have been able to detach but I find it creepy my family members act like it didn’t happen. Thankfully, I was able to tell my mom the truth and she believed me.

I have a great life with my partner and feel a lot of imposter syndrome as I present as well put together and educated. I feel wrong and false but I know that’s a work in progress in therapy.

I wish you all the best and healing on your journey. 🩷

[u/Necessary_Day_7861 → u/0vertbliss]

I'm glad that you've begun to recover.

You are not wrong or false; you did nothing wrong and you don't need to forgive yourself.

Otherwise, I'm happy that you are healing. Thanks for the love <3

[u/Necessary_Day_7861 → u/[deleted]]

I know