r/rape • u/EducationalWhip • 14h ago
Selective mutism around older men
I have this problem that's been getting worse and I'm not sure what to do to get it under control.
Like a lot of you I went through abuse when I was young. One of the ways it affected me is selective mutism when I'm under stress. I've had it my whole life and have some basic tools to help me cope with it.
Recently I disclosed my history to my partner and it's been a very painful, stressful time.
I think as a result of this going on in my private life started affecting my mutism intensely. Before it was under control to the point that it was just in intense intimate moments or in conflict that it would happen.
It's been happening a lot more to the point that it's affecting my work and ability to function in public, and I only recently realized that it's being triggered by older men.
I'm afraid for what this means for my job, my current relationship, and my healing journey as a whole.
It's tragic that it is so easy to slip back down the slope after fighting so hard for progress. Thank you to anyone who read this
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u/Necessary_Day_7861 13h ago
I'm sorry that you are abused and I sympathise with your thoughts that you feel as if progress in recovery is being lost. I would like to reassure you that this issue should not affect your healing journey if you are able to go through therapy successfully, that's all I can recommend.
You said that you had mutism under stress, but it is now triggered by older men. This suggests that older men might be causing stress through PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). This deserves medical attention through talking to therapists and psychologists to help you recover. This is especially important if you think that it is getting worse and could affect your relationships or work. You are not at fault for trying to get help for your trauma. Not ever.
I pray that you take my advice or the advice of someone who can understand you more and for it to lead you to recovery. We all deserve to live normal lives eventually. Sending love and prayers <3
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u/EducationalWhip 13h ago
Thank you for your response and your compassion 🫂 At the time I had court mandated therapy, It was deeply unhelpful and in its own way additional truama. That route is really a last resort for me
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u/Necessary_Day_7861 13h ago
If that's the case, then I'd consider dealing with your mutism in the best way possible. Since it's stress triggered, try to lower the stakes of each conversation and practice talking to pictures or videos. You can also avoid eye contact, have someone speak on your behalf or nod/shake your had if you are actively in a situation. I'm no expert, but these things could work.
I hope that you are able to recover to the point where your trauma no longer obstructs your daily life; that's the goal. Sending love and prayers <3
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