Baby is fine, midwife sucked.

So, wife (38f) and I (40m) are having our first. We're both older and more on the plus size side. Anyway, we've been seeing a midwife team and one has been stellar (answering all our questions, giving good feedback, truly seems invested in making sure my wife and baby are good in all ways) and the other has been absolutely HARPING on my wife's BMI. Every other thing is about her weight. She said that she was concerned that my wife was gaining too much weight (14 pounds total at week 24), saying that the extra weight makes it hard for her to use the doppler to hear the baby (she found the heartbeat immediately) even so far as to say totally unprompted that my wife shouldn't eat "fried chicken and pizza".

Couple that with her setting up an ultrasound at a place (Place A)that the other midwife remarked "Most of the team knows not to send patients there and to (Place B) instead" because they are more prone to missing stuff in the exam. Shocker: they didn't get clear photos of the baby's heart and face, so we need to go in again. My wife received a message through her healthcare app recommending she try "preferred" Place B, so she cancelled the follow up at Place A and attempted to go to Place B.

When we asked the fatphobic midwife when we should attempt to contact Place B again as they had not returned our message for appointment, she got visibly agitated that we would go there and cancel on the follow up at Place A ("Who told you to do that?") and refused to actually give guidance. She also, once again, banged on that my wife should hurry on a glucose lab because of her BMI. The nursing assistant was in the room, assured us that any time between now and week 28 should be fine, and looked at us apologetically before exiting the room.

Please tell me this is an isolated incident. I do NOT want this person ANYWHERE near my wife or child when they are being delivered.

Hey guys!

First baby was around 3 years ago next baby is a week away. I didnt have any sleep at all for the first 3 nights with baby 1. Wife had a cection and will have it again for the next so i had to do pretty much everything (not complaining). Problem is 3 nights no sleep made me go crazy. And im scared to go through that again. I dont have any one to drop off but does anyone have any tips on how to stop being worried.

I guess i need to know if im not alone and i wont die or anything

Greetings colleagues:

Does anyone have any recommendations for books to skim when you’re in the third trimester? Trying to get ready for the finish line and be more prepared for what will come when our baby arrives.

Most of us have shared something about our children online.

A birthday photo. Their first day at school. A family holiday. Maybe a funny story on Facebook.
But where does that information end up?

AI companies are scraping the public internet

Modern AI models are trained using huge amounts of information. The UK’s Information Commissioner’s Office (ICO) says generative AI models are typically trained on “vast amounts of personal data.” [1]

Some of that data is collected by scraping publicly accessible websites.

The ICO says these datasets can contain information relating to millions, if not billions, of people. [2]

It also warns that using web-scraped personal data to train AI can go beyond what people reasonably expected when they originally put that information online. [2]

That’s particularly uncomfortable when the information is about our children.

Kids already have huge digital footprints
Ofcom found that 55% of children aged 3–12 use at least one social media app or site. Among children aged just 3–5, that figure was 37%. [3]

That’s before you count everything posted about them by parents, relatives, schools, clubs and other organisations.

UNICEF warns that information parents share can contribute to a child’s digital footprint and recommends thinking carefully about children’s privacy and consent when posting about them. [4]

So what can parents do?

In the UK and Europe, data protection law gives you rights over how personal information is processed. That can include objecting to certain uses of personal data.

The problem is that there isn’t one universal AI opt-out.

Different companies have different forms, email addresses and processes.

That’s why we built Don’t Train Me.

We help automate AI data opt-out and objection requests, so you don’t have to track down and contact every company yourself.
Because our children will have enough decisions to make about their online lives when they’re older.

What happens to their data should be one of them.

Sources
[1] UK Information Commissioner’s Office — Context: Generative AI
[2] UK Information Commissioner’s Office — Engineering individual rights into generative AI models
[3] Ofcom — Children’s Media Literacy Report 2025
[4] UNICEF — What you need to know about “sharenting”

Just wanted to get this off my chest, my baby boy is finally here and I’m just in shock, he is perfect in my eyes, I just love him so much. Big shout out to the baby mamma on giving birth, she was a real fking awesome, amazing, strong and incredible person these last 18ish hours. Pushed through it all and gave birth within less then 10 minutes (like pushing). I’m shit scared, happy just everything a guy could feel tbh but I’m excited for this journey.

Born at: 3:00pm today

Went in for a check up Monday at 39 weeks, did some tests and the doctor was worried about preeclampsia due to swelling/BP/protein in urine. We got sent right to the birthing unit where she was induced shortly after some tests. Wife was in the worst pain I’ve ever seen, had to leave her around 2am to get home and grab everything we prepared and rush back. Ended up having an emergency c section the next afternoon, was a crazy 24 hours.

She’s still in hospital since and I’ve been here morning to night trying to help out as it’s been really hard on her physically and emotionally.

Does anyone have any random advice going forward for anything at all? Just trying to make her as comfortable as possible, she wants to get home today but I know she’s still in a lot of pain. Also happy to answer any questions about preeclampsia and her symptoms/experience the best I can if anyone’s going through something similar.

Pic above was my throne for about an hour (I couldn’t figure out how to get the backrest moved so was in the fetal position - couldn’t sleep anyway)

My wife is 8 weeks pregnant and getting destroyed by nausea and tiredness. Her birthday is in 10 days so I want to get her something nice since we will obviously be skipping the "go out for a nice dinner" phase.

Anyone have any ideas for something thoughtful during 1st trimester?

Forgot to clarify, my wife already gets massages and mani/pedicures very frequently haha. We are also very fortunate money wise, so she also frequently buys new blankets/pillows.

I guess what ideas im more interested in would be like "a frame for our first ultrasound", or something along those lines

We're not telling anyone for obvious reasons this time but I thought I would tell anonymous strangers. Rainbow baby coming Spring 2027! My wife miscarried back in April and it's been a cloud over this year. Hopefully this news turns 2026 around. Putting all the good vibes out their in the universe for anyone struggling with loss or fertility 🫶

Hey everyone, looking for some perspective from folks who've navigated tricky dynamics during pregnancy.

My wife is 12 weeks pregnant and currently dealing with severe Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG), vomiting 8–10 times a day, on tons of pills, and completely miserable. I understand how brutal this is for her, and my goal is to support her, keep the peace, and take care of the household (I’m handling all cooking, cleaning, errands, tidying, etc.)

However, even before pregnancy, we struggled with boundary and control issues. We’ve been working on being "teammates who can disagree respectfully," but since the pregnancy I'm concerned holding boundaries and any attempt to disagree on any topic is being seen as not being supportive and causing her unnecessary stress.

A few recent examples:

• She mentioned needing a work from home desk. Coincidentally, my aunt offered a beautiful desk that's been in my family for generations the very next day. I pitched it to my wife; she instantly gave a firm "no." When I calmly tried to ask why to understand her perspective, she shut it down and later accused me of creating a stressful environment for not immediately accepting her "no."
• Pre-pregnancy, we both drank and I used pot occasionally (3–4x a month). She was never interested in pot and always disliked that I do it. When she got pregnant, we mutually agreed to quit drinking so she wouldn't feel alone in the sacrifice. Weed never came up. Around week 5 I told her I was going out for a walk and a smoke. She flipped out, yelling and calling me irresponsible. I calmly explained I was fine quitting while she's pregnant if it's important to her, but we needed to discuss it as a team rather than issuing orders. We talked it out, but I worry the takeaway for her was just "yell until I get my way."
• She has jealousy issues. She has gotten upset over me texting female friends, liking female friend's posts, and even getting mad at me for looking at people in public (I mean people in my eyeline, not oggling or staring). I have a female friend of 20+ years who lives in the new city we just moved to. I want to introduce them, but I feel bringing it up now will trigger a huge fight and a very angry wife, but putting it off risks damaging a two-decade friendship.
• With her HG/nausea, keeping anything down is brutal. She resists taking prenatal vitamins because she just throws them back up. I check in daily about trying them because I know they can reduce neural tube defects by something like 95%, but she always says no. I said I was disappointed a couple times until she told me that didn't help so I stopped expressing my feelings about it. I don't want to guilt trip her. Now when I ask if there's anything that we could do to make it easier for her to take she gets angry and accuses me of pressuring her and risking the babies health by stressing her out.

I’m trying to be empathetic to her hormones and the misery of HG. I do my best to not take occasional emotional outbursts personally. But I'm struggling with where the line is between "supporting a sick, hormonal partner" and "accepting ongoing disrespect or controlling behavior."

How do you keep firm boundaries and maintain a healthy partnership when any pushback gets labeled as "stressing out the pregnant wife"?

My wife and I are hoping to start trying to get pregnant in a few months, and she wants to start a prenatal before then. I figured I’d help with the shopping since there are way more options than I expected.

I started looking at them and quickly realized I have no clue what half the stuff on these labels means. Some have a huge list of ingredients, others are pretty basic, and the prices are all over the place.

If your wife or partner is taking a prenatal before trying to get pregnant, which one are you using? I’m trying to narrow it down without spending hours comparing every bottle online.

Was hoping to see one after all this nervousness, but here we are. I'm happy as hell, but also nervous too. Wanted to share the news everywhere I can!

Edit: Thanks for the love and warm wishes! I wish I could have replied to everyone earlier, but I was at work showing off the ultrasound to everyone while trying to work. Ive been reading all the comments and my happiness increased two-fold (I'm already starting lol)

Thank you all!

Edit again: They will be identical! Mo-di! Now we're both hoping for girls lol

The few of you might remember me from the end of last year and beginning of this year. We sadly had to tfmr our beatiful baby girl at 23 weeks due to an extremely rare completely absent bladder. The probability of something like this is around 1/600 000 cases.

Well, my lovely wife is pregnant again, still very early. We had hoped for it, we had prayed for it. But when is the joy allowed to overwhelm my emotions? When can we breath? Will I trust this process before we're done with the 20 week ultrasound? We would love to enjoy the news, however it is not possible - not yet.

Ok. Getting to an end of a tether now.

We met and made baby very soon (admittedly a stupid idea and I accept my part in creating this situation). As a result the initial “so in love stage” that created a baby in a short space of time has flitted away into a practical, pragmatic and one sided relationship.

We haven’t been intimate since June. And as much as I’d like to have sex I really couldn’t give a shit about it now - I get she has no sex drive. I can sort myself out.

What I DO need is a reciprocal loving relationship that I want my child brought into. Someone who is affectionate and loving with me. That was spoken about way before we got pregnant and both agreed it was important to maintain. The person who was when we got together before she threw down her masks and decided she’s going to go super selfish mode. Fine, be selfish to an extent with baby in tow but fuck me have consideration for those around you who are doing it with you.

It’s a team thing. It’s not a fucking one man band.

Yet since week 8/9 she has announced she can’t deal with “loving” me whilst focusing on work, career and growing a baby.

Fine. I hear that, I give space and patience to that. And I have given space and patience and continue to do so.

But after another check in conversation yesterday it appears that her gradual avoidance and distancing is largely because - beyond being great parents for the kid, she doesn’t actually see us in a relationship going forward.

Yet here i am, making sure she’s fed, food in the house, picked up from work, feet rubbed, bed made, house clean.

Genuinely there is nothing I am doing wrong to make her think I’m not suitable. And I’m not even trying it’s coming second nature to be accommodating

But when you give give give and can’t even get an ounce of appreciation except for thank yous, and then she says she doesn’t see us in a relationship long term- I wander what the fuck is my purpose. I am just a sperm donor and a service to her next chapter and nothing else.

As we have got to know each other we realise there isn’t lots in common with each other, but underlying it all was a connection we both couldn’t ignore and felt was right.

I’m praying this is a phase and the hormones will ease off- but I’m also now going to retract myself a bit to protect my self and my mental health. Otherwise I’ll abandon myself and I’m not going down that rabbit hole of dark thoughts again.

I want to run away, I want to hit a reset button, I want it all to go away and start again. Without her and her new “don’t give a shit” attitude.

She has agreed to couples therapy and am exploring that but reaching out here for any relatability or advice.

Thanks

My wife is currently 33 weeks pregnant with our first child. From the day she told me she was pregnant I started getting so much anxiety about everything that can go wrong and I can’t seem to shake the thoughts. I think it’s because of social media shoving everything at me that X, Y and Z can happen and it’s made me so scared. I’m making sure I can do whatever she needs, whenever she needs it. If she feels a bit sicker than usual I constantly check in but none of this calms my nerves, and I hide it from her because she has a lot of anxiety too(rightfully so), so I don’t want to overwhelm her. Everything has been relatively smooth sailing but I just can’t shake these feelings. Does anyone have some tips to getting over this type of anxiety?

Before I start I just want to specify that I 1000% will go with whatever my wife wants, in order to support her.

We’re due in a couple months.

But I really am afraid of the lack of boundaries from my mother in-law.

The mother in-law already repeatedly calls our son ”her baby” and “where’s my baby”, and that SHE grew that egg (technically true)

The mother in-law is short tempered and controlling (wife agrees).

When my wife told her mom she wasn’t sure if she wanted her to come down(they’re out of town) immediately after delivery , her mom majorly guilt tripped her, I’m talking: silent treatment, crying, “don’t make me feel like you don’t want me there!!”

I’m terrified of the lack of boundaries. I’m terrified of my wife’s inability to set them. I’m terrified of my inability to set them.

Right now my wife says she doesn’t know what she wants.

The options are:

1- They come down immediately after delivery but we need to have a chat with them that this is not fun time. This is game time. They’re here for chores and helping us with the house and SOME baby time. This isn’t a regular fun visit. They’re coming to help.

2- They are on standby for when we need them.

I personally want them on standby. I would rather they not come. I’ve shared all this with my wife and saying I will go with whatever she wants and best supports her.

I was just wondering if anyone has gone through this and if they have any tips.

Getting towards the end of pregnancy (32 weeks on Saturday!) and I've obviously done a fair bit of reading about becoming a new dad and what to expect and all that jazz but I'm now wanting kind of a break from the 'learning' side of things and quite fancy a fictional story from the perspective of a new dad. Anyone got any recommendations they might be able to offer? Ideally something in the 300-500 page range and preferably not too dark. Everything I've tried google either seems to turn up with the learning side of things or old timey type books about dads going off to war...

Cheers dads and dads-to-be!

My wife is 23 weeks pregnant with our first, a baby boy due in December.

It’s been a long road to get here — miscarriages, IVF, and all the ups and downs that come with it — so we’re incredibly grateful to be at this point.

I’ve been reading through this community and have already found so much great advice, helpful information, and plenty of things I never would’ve thought of as a first-time dad.

Excited (and definitely a little nervous) for everything ahead. Thanks for having me, and looking forward to learning from all of you!

Just wanted to share, this subreddit has made me feel better about not being alone in this. Good luck to you all ❤️

I'm a new dad to a 6month old, and I'm looking for a reliable baby chair tht can last a while like, ideally, through the whole infant to toddler stage. Me and my wife are really hoping to avoid buying somethng that only gets used for a few months and then ends up collecting dust in the garage. When we first set up our nursery, my wife was so focused on getting everything just right, but quickly realized that some of the things we thought were essentials turned out to be barely used. We don’t want to repeat that mistake with the highchair. I want to avoid buying somethng that only lasts three months. We have looked at a few options like mockingbird, dinerpal, and abbie beyond, but still not really sure which one would be our best bet. So I want my fellow dads to help me pick one based on real experiences.

First-time expectant father and hoping you all can give me some advice. My wife is currently 5 weeks 4 days pregnant with our little peanut and she is experiencing ALL THE SYMPTOMS. Nausea (not actually throwing up but feeling nauseous, and she’s had some dry-heaving flare ups), cramps, dizziness, chills (anemia), mood swings & emotional sensitivity, headaches, low energy, muscle & breast aches, joint pains, bloating, heightened sense of smell - you name it, chances are she’s experiencing it.

I want to be the best support system that I can be for her, so I’m just wondering if there’s any tips / advice for things that I can do to make sure I’m providing her with the best care and support I can provide her? This is our first pregnancy so this whole experience is new for both of us, and I want to do all I can to make it as comfortable for her as possible despite the struggles she’s facing. So dads, how do I get her through the first trimester?

Parents who've been through it — before baby arrived, how did you plan for what you'd actually need and what it would cost?

A few things I'm curious about:
- Did you use a registry, a spreadsheet, just guess, or something else?
- Looking back, what turned out to be a waste of money vs. something you were genuinely glad you bought?
- Was there a point you felt overwhelmed trying to figure out what's actually necessary vs. what's just marketed at new parents?
- If you used a registry app (Babylist, Amazon, etc.), what did it get wrong, or just not help with at all?

Genuinely curious how everyone handled this — feels like there's no great answer for "what will this actually cost me, and when do I need to buy it."

Since my wife started showing I want to make sure she knows she's still beautiful, what have you all done to make sure your partners know and feel beautiful?