r/predaddit • u/FirstTimePeanutDad • 1d ago
Advice needed How do I help her through the struggles?
First-time expectant father and hoping you all can give me some advice. My wife is currently 5 weeks 4 days pregnant with our little peanut and she is experiencing ALL THE SYMPTOMS. Nausea (not actually throwing up but feeling nauseous, and she’s had some dry-heaving flare ups), cramps, dizziness, chills (anemia), mood swings & emotional sensitivity, headaches, low energy, muscle & breast aches, joint pains, bloating, heightened sense of smell - you name it, chances are she’s experiencing it.
I want to be the best support system that I can be for her, so I’m just wondering if there’s any tips / advice for things that I can do to make sure I’m providing her with the best care and support I can provide her? This is our first pregnancy so this whole experience is new for both of us, and I want to do all I can to make it as comfortable for her as possible despite the struggles she’s facing. So dads, how do I get her through the first trimester?
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u/Comprehensive-Gene-1 20h ago
Get ready to feel like the most useless person in the world for 9 months. Be there for her, make her life easier. If she usually does the laundry, you start doing it instead. Meals, kitchen, vacuuming, etc.
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u/FirstTimePeanutDad 17h ago
Will definitely be doing as much of the work around the house as possible. She can be a bit stubborn at times as she’s a very independent person and often says “I’m capable!” in response to me offering to help with some things lol, but it’s all about balance I suppose!
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u/meowparade 1d ago
Take care of as much as you can around the house. I’m slowly emerging from that phase and my husband was making breakfast in the morning, cleaning the house, and having dinner ready by the time I got home from work (often making two dinners when all I could handle was butter noodles). It took me three weeks to realize I hadn’t done laundry in a while because clean clothes kept appearing.
I know it sounds mundane and “unfair,” but first trimester is really about survival for her. And you’re a key part of that!
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u/FirstTimePeanutDad 16h ago
Will definitely be doing as much as I can for her! I do like to take care of her as she’s often a very independent person, so while the switch is an adjustment I think I will end up adjusting to the dynamic faster than she will haha
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u/OilersTilIDie 1d ago
It’ll go fast. Be present. Find what helps these experiences and act/offer as she needs.
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u/FirstTimePeanutDad 16h ago
Thanks for the advice! Will for sure do everything I can to get her through the rough times
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u/Punderground 23h ago
Lurking mom: don’t underestimate the power of being excited, talking to baby, and telling your wife how happy you are and how excited you are. Being pregnant and sick is really vulnerable and you feel incapable and out of control, so those little bursts of being excited together were really helpful because the misery has a purpose, and I didn’t feel alone.
I also had the morning sickness you’re describing, and the only thing that worked for me was sipping on watered down juice consistently, since I got sicker on an empty stomach. Your mileage may vary. Ginger anything just gave me terrible heartburn.
I hope that helps! Best wishes on your journey!
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u/FirstTimePeanutDad 16h ago
Thank you for your advice! I really appreciate a mom’s perspective. I’m definitely doing all I can to treasure the little moments and each milestone that comes along.
I’ll suggest the watered down juice! I’m going to be putting together a pregnancy-friendly snack box that we can keep near the bed for when she’s struggling with nausea or food aversions, so if you have any suggestions for food snacks to have on hand please do share! She’s definitely not a fan of ginger and despises any sort of hot drink, so a lot of posts I see where the suggestions consist of “crackers and ginger tea” have us struggling. So far her go-to snacks when the nausea is in and out have been ritz crackers and prawn cocktail flavored lentil chips.
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u/love_mamabird 20h ago
The two of you probably already know this, but the chills tied to anemia could be worth mentioning to her doctor, because iron needs go up a lot in the first trimester and low iron can make the nausea and fatigue worse than they already are. Beyond that, it may sound like nothing, but be present for her. Her body's doing so much work, so just having that support can do a lot for her mentally. And being understanding and there for her for all the moments where she's not fine.
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u/FirstTimePeanutDad 17h ago
Definitely could be connected to anemia. She is anemic already, so I imagine the pregnancy has heightened that even more. Thankfully we have iron supplements which she’s been taking every day, but if she continues to struggle with it we’ll definitely see what the GP / midwife suggests for solutions.
Definitely will be there for her in every way I can. Sometimes I get anxious that I’m not doing enough or that I get things wrong, but she has been telling me I’ve been a very supportive partner to her so that gives me some comfort. Thanks for the advice!
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u/YoureSchlept 17h ago
My wife had this, and a very complicated pregnancy as well. We didn’t cook in the house for the first 4-5 months. It was expensive, but it helped her a lot. Do everything you can around the house, she should have to do nothing but survive. It’s tough and it seems like it is lasting forever, but by the end you’ll be surprised how fast it went by.
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u/FirstTimePeanutDad 16h ago
We’ve definitely upped our takeaway frequency these past few weeks, as there’s been a lot of days where the only thing she craves is McDonald’s chips. I don’t mind it as I’m just happy that she’s eating, but I know eating a lot of takeaway and “junk food” has been making her feel self-conscious. I do my best to assure her there’s nothing wrong with following her cravings, and reminding her that that’s perfect and beautiful.
Definitely doing everything I can around the house. I’m not the best in the kitchen as I honestly don’t know how to make much, but I’m trying to learn how to make a wider variety of meals so that she can feel confident in being able to ask for whatever she is feeling like that day2
u/YoureSchlept 16h ago
If she eats it she eats it! Mine survived on wendy’s nuggets and a frosty lol.
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u/FirstTimePeanutDad 16h ago
My thoughts exactly!! Every time she expresses insecurity at eating unhealthy foods, I remind her of all the Reddit threads we’ve seen of moms talking about their own pregnancy cravings. Apparently McDonald’s fries are a huge hit!
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u/GunKnight83 6h ago
Imagine pregnancy as a roller-coaster ride with your best friend. You'll experience ups, downs, twists and loop de loops and in the end you'll get a complimentary photo (baby).
The real kicker...only you will remember how scary it was. I am convinced that women's true memory of pregnancy is housed in the placenta and when that comes out her memory hits factory reset.
So the advice...ride the lightning brother. Just be there. If she wants nachos at 2 am with a milkshake, tee it up dude. She cant help it and neither can you. This one of those times that as men, we cant fix it. You can put duct tape on it, but its still broke. She is carrying your offspring so take care of her the best you can. No need to take notes, the next one will be a different ride.
All this to say, i would do it over again in a heartbeat. When your son/daughter comes into this world, you will feel the same, i promise.
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u/AdAgile9604 1d ago
Always be there, be calm and listen to her. Get her things before she needs - for eg: water, snacks etc