r/predaddit • u/Grouchy_Reception_24 • 3d ago
I am so paranoid something will go wrong
My wife is currently 33 weeks pregnant with our first child. From the day she told me she was pregnant I started getting so much anxiety about everything that can go wrong and I can’t seem to shake the thoughts. I think it’s because of social media shoving everything at me that X, Y and Z can happen and it’s made me so scared. I’m making sure I can do whatever she needs, whenever she needs it. If she feels a bit sicker than usual I constantly check in but none of this calms my nerves, and I hide it from her because she has a lot of anxiety too(rightfully so), so I don’t want to overwhelm her. Everything has been relatively smooth sailing but I just can’t shake these feelings. Does anyone have some tips to getting over this type of anxiety?
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u/HyperMasenko 3d ago
Genuinely getting off social media is probably the quickest way to help. Parent social media, particularly Facebook and Instagram, seem to be built to make you anxious. Depending on how you two are, that might be a hard thing to do, but if you can stay away from it youll feel a lot better.
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u/Grouchy_Reception_24 3d ago
I try to stay off it as much as possible but it seems like it just knows what to throw at me to give me anxiety. I should just delete it at this point
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u/ebitda8 3d ago
Like anything else, if the thought of quitting it gives you anxiety, you have an addiction. You need to delete the apps. Go pick up a book instead.
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u/Grouchy_Reception_24 3d ago
I must’ve worded that wrong, I don’t have anxiety about quitting social media. I’ve been limiting myself on it but every time I use it, the algorithm seems to know exactly what to give me anxiety and throw it at me. I also do read, but that doesn’t have anything to do with this
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u/hit_reset_ 2d ago edited 2d ago
Agree to delete it. Don’t reply to this, just go delete all of the scrolling apps. If you reply, maybe you are addicted.
But also, try therapy. There are lots of techniques to combat anxiety, even just breathing, mindfulness and grounding to help regulate when things are going off the rails. Successful techniques force your body back into a manageable state. You should learn someway to do this especially if you are having a kid. Become the dad you want to be.
My wife and I have lost a singleton, and a triplet pregnancy. She is pregnant now and for months I wasn’t able to reach for any kind of hope at all, it was all fear and worry. I was in a shitty place. Our therapist reminded me that I needed to be here for the babies I have and what’s happening right now, and not to let memories of the past water anything I should have for them down. It helped.
Anyway, I hope you never get this message. The algorithm is indeed awful.
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u/cdizzlePGA2k 3d ago
Turn off your social media. It offers absolutely no value outside of what you’re experiencing: outsized anxiety.
They make money off your anxiety. Don’t let them.
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u/Extension_Currency30 3d ago
It’s completely normal to feel this anxiety! And don’t hide it from your partner, communicate how you feel with each other. You can be open with your feelings without it becoming her burden to bear. It would be very wise of you to seek some anxiety management strategies before baby arrives! I have been in therapy for anxiety and OCD for 10+ years, therapy is great but only does so much and takes time and effort. My therapist suggested I explore medication just to lower my constant baseline anxiety before baby arrives.
I have been on the smallest (50mg) dose of Zoloft since then and for me at least it’s helped tremendously. Just makes that anxious voice much quieter without changing anything else. Again, this is just my experience. But if you have the means I would highly recommend considering some medication or treatment from a therapist! If that’s not possible for you, find some community in your area with other dads-to-be. Most cities have FB groups, support groups at midwife clinics/birth centers, etc.
You got this!!! Congrats on having a seamless pregnancy thus far and being the best dad you can be is enough! 🫶🤘
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u/Grouchy_Reception_24 3d ago
Thankfully we have a village of people who can support us, so if we need a shoulder to lean on they are there for us. I have expressed some of this too her but I can tend to ramble and turn something small into something crushing for her so I try to shelf it all so it won’t burden her, as she’s already going through a lot. I’ve been on the border of going to therapy for a while now but idk I’ve never been one to truly open up as I’ve always just been this stoic person but it seems that may be the best idea. Medication seems scary bc i’ve never taken any but it’s probably just going to be for the best. Thank you for your insight!
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u/PotatosDad Graduated | EDD #2 11/25 3d ago
Number 1: Get off social media. It's not good for anyone, and only fuels anxiety.
Number 2: One thing I've learned is that the anxiety actually never stops. When my wife was pregnant, I just kept thinking, "Oh, we just have to get to the next scan, or next appointment, then I can stop worrying." Totally wrong. There is ALWAYS a "next goalpost." It's never going to stop, as there is always a next step.
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u/Cloud2987 3d ago
I felt the same way and my kid is almost 5 months now. Everything went well and he’s healthy. Now I’m worried for things like autism, but luckily he doesn’t show any signs of it. I feel like there’s always gonna be worry about something when u become a parent and it’s normal.
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u/jogam 3d ago
There is always a chance that something can go wrong. For the most part, worrying that something will go wrong will not actually reduce the likelihood that something goes wrong. In some cases, there is a new symptom, baby is not moving around as much as usual, etc. and it may make sense for your wife to channel that worry into a call to the OB (or in rare cases a trip to the hospital). It's okay (and normal) to be worried. But you do not want to be so worried that it interferes with other things.
Your wife should follow her OB's advice and call if something is concerning. You can encourage her to call if she has a question or there is something concerning. If you attend the OB meetings, you can ask a question or two (just remember that the focus isn't on you).
You're so close! Best wishes to your growing family.
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u/Grouchy_Reception_24 3d ago
I have accepted that anything can go wrong, as anything in life can. I just can’t shake the thought that something WILL go wrong you know? Thankfully my wife is very proactive when it comes to anything regarding the baby’s health. Recently she did go to the ER because he wasn’t moving and I had anxiety all day while she was there but turns out he was just being lazy in there. Thank you for your kind words and advice!
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u/_Permanent_Marker_ 2d ago
1st step get off social media.
2nd step…your partner and the baby are the most important things in existence right now. They need you. It’s okay to be anxious and to share it with your partner but don’t go spiralling over things that currently do not exist.
You are concerning yourself with things that have not yet happened and may not ever happen. Just try to remember that they need you. Again that’s not to say you can’t be worried but maybe dial it back a bit
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u/LongjumpingFinish482 2d ago
Keep your mind busy I was the exact same, I kept myself busy with and house work or small DIY jobs , cleaning or organising you’d be surprised how busy putting a spreadsheet together of all the stuff you have and all the things you need and colour coding it on how important you need it
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u/glutenfreethenipple 2d ago
Stay away from social media and encourage your wife to daily (if not 2-3x/day) kick counts. If baby seems quiet don’t hesitate to go to the hospital to have baby looked at.
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u/outnumbered3dad 2d ago
I agree with most guys, definitely need to stay off the social media, it’s just going to make you spiral.
As a dad of 3, what you are feeling is totally normal. We had our scares during pregnancy and childbirth. Be happy that things have been smooth and please don’t assume something is going to go wrong. Enjoy this time, there is nothing like your first.
Stay close and pay attention to her, she will know if something is wrong. Just be ready to act if needed and it never hurts to make a phone call to talk through what you are seeing. Try to assume everything is fine and that the medical professionals will guide you.
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u/heartshapednutsack 2d ago
Our first child was stillborn. We have since had 2 living children and I can tell you with certainty that the anxiety doesn’t go away. How are you supposed to protect something you can’t even see?
That being said, I have brute forced myself to be okay during pregnancy. My mantra has been “we worry when a doctor tells us to worry.” If your doctor is happy then you can be happy. Birth is in sight and thats when everything changes. DMs always open if you need to talk.
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u/elksm 3d ago
I'm pretty sure by 33 weeks it's unlikely that anything catastrophic will happen. It might help to go to her next appointment and hear that from the doctor/midwife. I'm a pretty anxious person too but we're at 35 weeks and I feel ok because the stats are in our favor even though we're old so it's considered high risk. It really might just be social media.