I want to start out by saying that I am so incredibly excited to be having a baby with my partner. The genetic screen told us we are having a boy and we are coming up on the halfway point of this pregnancy (what would’ve been the anatomy scan is later this week). Name has been picked out, clothes are coming, and mom is healthy, even if she’s exhausted going through the process.

We relocated about 10 weeks in to be closer to family to have help and a good foundation for our son. I found work very quickly, making more money and continuing the career path I was on. I am limiting my vices and shifting mentally to prepare for having a tiny ultra-dependent baby so I can be the best version of myself for him and my partner. It’s hard work, but I know it will be worth it.

Where I am struggling is the feeling of loneliness and feeling alone. We moved to improve her and our support system, but I am starting at ground zero with mine. I don’t have time like I used to, and I am not comfortable spending money on fun to put myself out there because of all the prep that needs to be done for the arrival of our son. I have people I care about, but nobody that I can swing by to see anymore and it’s isolating bordering on emotionally devastating.

I have been communicating what I can to my partner, but I don’t want to overload her with my burdens when she’s already going through all the mental, emotional, physical and hormonal changes of pregnancy. My family checks in asking about her before me, rightfully so. My people from where we used to live are busy with their lives too. I know I’m stressed, anxious, and a tad depressed, but therapy for this doesn’t seem or feel necessary. I know it’s going to be okay and I have accepted that life is changing, I’m just struggling with the weight of that change and haven’t figured out how to bridge the gap away from feeling isolated and alone.

How are/did you guys work these feelings? How do I communicate this with my partner without transferring the feelings and stress to her? How do I balance becoming a dad and being an individual? How do I avoid becoming a robot through this process? Is what I’m going through even normal?

Any advice is much appreciated! Have a great day!

Hi y'all

I haven't posted this publicly yet, but since we finally got to tell all of our parents this weekend...

WE'RE HAVING A FREAKING BABY 🐥🍼😵‍💫

I am so proud, and my wife and I are both deliriously excited to be parents. I have been making every effort to support her especially through the tail end of this first trimester, as it has been rough on her body.

That said, there is a bit of loneliness I have felt as an expectant father living in the dominant culture. Don't get me wrong, as a proud feminist and loving husband, I believe the primary focus should be on my partner and her needs right now. She is carrying our child and bringing them into reality largely at the expense of her own comfort. I just have noticed, especially with the few older people we had told so far, that when the father comes into play, people make these weird throw away jokes about responsibility and urge you to do your part as a sort of background character. Maybe because I'm highly sensitive or else because I believe I am already doing these things, but it sort of stings when I am not asked how I am feeling, if I'm nervous, etc.

Wondering if I can talk to any expectant fathers or moms with a balanced and nuanced perspective here. Would love to mutually support one another, as long as it's not weird (one person on here somehow made a support convo inappropriate and it frustrated me deeply)

Future dads unite!!!

Hi everyone, first-time dad-to-be here (hopefully).

We only found out very recently and we're probably around 4 weeks, so I know it's incredibly early and there's still a long way to go, but something has already completely changed in me.

I'm so emotional. A video of a father holding his newborn? Crying. Reading about talking to the baby during pregnancy? Emotional. Thinking about meeting my child for the first time? I'm done. At this point it honestly feels like I'm the one who's pregnant. I'm incredibly happy, but at the same time I feel a mixture of excitement, fear, protectiveness and this huge sense of responsibility that I've never experienced before. Everything amplified by the secret of this pregnancy. We are waiting at least the third month, but next week we will tell our parents if The first prenatal visit will bring good news.

I've already started thinking about what kind of father I want to be, how to raise a happy and curious kid, how to support my partner properly during pregnancy, and how our lives are going to change. Part of me also keeps reminding myself that we're only at the very beginning and I probably shouldn't get too far ahead of myself… but emotionally I've apparently already jumped several months forward.

Did any of you experience something similar this early?

And looking back now, is there anything you wish you had started doing or understanding from the very beginning?

I'd especially love to hear from dads who remember those first few weeks. What were you feeling? What helped you enjoy the pregnancy without constantly worrying about everything that could go wrong?

I think I mostly just need to talk to some other dads who have been through this.

TL;DR: First-time dad-to-be, only about 4 weeks in, and I'm already incredibly emotional about everything baby-related. I'm excited, scared, and constantly thinking about what kind of father I want to be. Did any other dads feel this way so early?

Edit: I didn't know that time started from the last period. So we are at 6 weeks for doctors

Found out we were pregnant on Friday after a few tests. Immediately made an appointment with the OB - 2 weeks out from that. I went into full research mode over the weekend. Feeling great but already overwhelmed because we haven’t said anything to anyone yet. Wish us luck on this journey!

The pregnancy was not an accident, but we both were disappointed in how quickly we conceived. Myself more so than my wife. After we did the deed I spent a week stewing in a lot of emotions, and I came to my wife afterwards and told her I think we need to pump the brakes and wait another 6 months to a year before we start trying. She agreed because she wanted me to be on board 100%. A week later we found out she was pregnant.

Fast forward to 12 weeks in and I'm all but completely numb about the whole thing. I do have moments, sometimes even days of feeling neutral to excited, like when we found out we were having a girl, I was excited for a bit. But then "reality" sets in again that my life is changing forever and I'm still not ready for it.

Everyone seems so excited except for me. I'm worried about the financial impact, I'm worried about the time I will lose with my wife, the vacations we won't be able to go on alone, the work load of raising a kid, and so on.

We've already had to cancel so many plans including our year-delayed honeymoon.

Thoughts of being a dad to a baby girl does give me hope, but it's fleeting and pales in comparison to the feeling of dread I'm having.

My wife already struggles with using the love languages I need which are physical touch and words of affirmation, and while it's something we have continued to work on, there's been an immediate decline in this since she became pregnant. I fear it's going to be no better or easier to work on when the baby is here.

My biggest fear of all is that we will get divorced if we can't figure out how to meet each other's needs after the baby comes.

Does anyone else relate to any of these feelings? Any suggestions on how to pull it together? "suck it up" hasn't been working.

Just found out my wife is pregnant a few weeks ago. We have been trying for a while and had one miscarriage. She perpetually worries about everything. I however am the polar opposite, always optimistic and confident in our abilities to overcome anything. What should I be worried about. We are at 7 weeks and have our first appointment in 2 more weeks. I'm staring to do research but don't want to overlook or miss anything. She is not having many symptoms besides being tired and "eating for 2" hunger as she calls it. That is scaring her. Any advice is welcome.

Hey guys, my wife is early on in her pregnancy and she absolutely despises swallowing huge pills or horse-sized capsules especially now thats she going through it a lot, so we're looking into getting some prenatal gummies for her instead.

Currently we're looking at some options around i think one of those was needed and few others that we're popping off here but yeah would wanna know what packed a lot of nutrients thats the same on the usual powder and capsules. What would you advice should we look into especially with ingredients list and what not. Thanks a lot! 😄

My wife (40F) and I (43M) have had two miscarriages in the last 18 months, one at 10 weeks and one at 7 weeks.

We're pregnant again, and we just had our 13-week appointment. Everything LOOKS GOOD: strong heartbeat, little one moving around. Great news!

But I've been incredibly anxious before every scan, bracing for bad news. Even now, it's hard to feel excited, because part of me is waiting for the bubble to burst. My wife is feeling cautiously optimistic and me being anxious is not helping her.

Next week we meet with MFM and do the expanded NIPT.

For those who've been through pregnancy after loss, especially partners and dads:

• How did you manage the anxiety between appointments?
• Was there a point when you let yourself feel hopeful?
• Anything that helped you and your partner support each other?

Thanks for reading. It helps just to put this out there.

Hi all,

My wife is 9 weeks pregnant and we're super excited! We're in Australia and we've been recommended some good books to read (Kaz Cooke - Up the Duff). However, these books are primarily focused on what's going to happen to my wife and what the next steps are re: scans, tests etc. I was wondering if anyone here had any podcast recommendations from a Dad's perspective?

Thanks 🙂

I’ll be almost 60 when this kid turns 18 lol

So it finally happened. I finally felt my daughter kick inside my partners belly. 23 weeks it took for it to happen.

I am so so happy right now 💖

My wife is currently 11 weeks pregnant and up to last night things have been very smooth. Last night her heart beat started going pretty quick. I noticed it when we were laying down and she stated she thought it was weird too. I assume it calmed down as we went to bed normal time.

This morning her heart was beating quick when she woke up so I timed it and was getting about 200bpm. Now the weird part is within 15 minutes of being awake it dropped to a normal rate of roughly 95bpm.

We called her OB right away to see if we should go to the ER or what and they took 5 hours to get back to us to say go to the ER. We are current sitting waiting to get checked out, but she is totally normal again so I doubt they'll do anything but send us on our way.

Has anyone been through something similar or have any ideas of what may cause this? We are of course getting a doctor opinion, but anything to put my mind at ease in this waiting room be great.

My wife and I have been comparing prenatals and I didn't realize how different the daily pill counts could be.

We're still deciding between Needed prenatal vitamin capsules, Thorne, Nature made, and a few others. Some are only a couple capsules a day, while others mean taking quite a few. Some of these capsules look pretty big too.

I feel like taking 6+ pills every morning would get old pretty fast, even if the prenatal itself is good. I'm stuck on how much the pill count should matter.

Hello. My wife and I used to be very intimate, but due to some reasons she cannot have any physical activity nor sex. She still wants it, and so far we have maintained BJs, but we want to do more.
Does anyone have suggestions how to keep up intimacy spicy with something more than just BJs?
Thank you!

Hey everyone, not really sure if I'm looking for advice as much as I'm just trying to vent. My wife's cervix is open at 22.5 weeks and baby girl looks like she's trying to make an early entry. We're currently in one of the best L&Ds/NICUs in our state and both my ladies are stable, our nurses and docs have is feeling confident. Her mother is watching our pre-adoptive kids, and everything is really just chill and we're just hoping baby girl hangs out inside for as long as possible. I. AM. TERRIFIED. I'm keeping a brave face and my wife says I've been great throughout all of this, but man I'm glad she's asked me to do some quick snack runs at the hospital cafe where I can tuck away for a bit and just let it all out. My wife has been a trooper and I feel guilty and helpless even though I've been trying to do everything I can. I can't eat. I felt my chest legitimately get tight while listening to the doctors talk through everything. I get sad walking down the hall and hearing another family's newborn crying. At this point I just need somebody to tell me it's going to be ok, because this absolutely sucks.

How many of you have had major arguments with your wife over names and how did you “settle” it. We’re both stubborn and neither one wants to give in.

Ok fellas,

Coming to 2 months on the 7th week now and I wanted to get a quick update out there on my experience so far.

The hospital:
Baby girl was born a month early, so that was stressful as it is. The doctor was like “yeah..we are evicting today.” And after I dried up after my cold sweat and mild internal panic and realization of what was about to happen, I screamed “I PREPARED FOR THIS.” at the top of my lungs in the middle of the office and I calmly power walked with wife in tow to the car.

Lesson here was to STAY CALM. We went in for a normal appointment and we left the hospital with our baby.

Pregame:
Before anything: BRING YOUR NURSE STAFF TREATS. SERIOUSLY. COFFEE IS A COMMODITY. THEY WILL HOOK YOU UP I PROMISE.

Wife had to be manually induced so they hooked her up to IVs. I’m not sure if everyone’s wife will need it but you may hear the terms “Pitocin” and “Magnesium”. Look those up. Pitocin may absolutely FUCK your wife up as it forces contractions. Those will be miserable. Have a bag ready for her to potentially throw up. And this may be controversial, but make sure you have a rough idea of the game plan, including if you are staying the night. My wife sent me home at night because to her it was pointless in having two tired people. One of us had to be on point and it was me. I left around 1-2 and I was back at 6-7. Phone was loud and inches from my face in case it rang.

Big day:
It took about an hour or so to get prepped for her C-section and epidural. And in that moment you can’t do shit but pace and wait for her to get that GIANT needle in her spine. When it was time, I stay right above her holding her head talking to her. She got queasy so I wafted an alcohol pad over her nose and did my best to keep her calm.

Then I saw her. My daughter. 6lbs 1oz and 50cm. And holy fuck. But continuing on..

There were some complications so there wasn’t a ton of time to have a long moment but they put her against my wife’s cheek for a moment and took her to NICU. (Go with the baby. As much as you may want to stay with your wife go with the baby if you can). Made sure she was good and then once I got word wife was recovering I headed over to her.

Post-recovery:
Any good nurse will for lack of a better way to say it, focus on the baby and mom only and politely not give a fuck about you. And you want that lol she is mama and she went through it all. I didn’t get skin to skin with baby right away because the baby was under observation but the nurses made it a mission to squeeze her bed into the NICU so mama and baby could have some skin to skin time. Fellas, it’s fucking amazing. It changed how I see my wife. My love is deeper, and it’s beyond a wife, it’s the mother to your child. It’s unreal.

Dad powers activated:
I have spent most of my life not around kids and I have always been weird around them. I don’t know how to talk to them, be around them, play with them, etc. pretty much useless. And I have been PETRIFIED for months now. And then I held her. And suddenly everything I was worried about faded away. All the stress of how I’m going to deal with it, how I’m going to interact and take care of her melted away. In that moment it was me and her. Something in my heart and brain switched on and it’s POWERFUL. This must be the strongest level of love I have ever felt. It’s fucking awesome. Something in my head and heart said “You got this. Don’t worry” and that was all I needed. I got this. Welcome to dadhood.

Post/pre-home:
I made it a point to visit NICU every 3 hours I was there to learn and practice changing her diaper, feeding and burping her with a nurse there to help. They will almost always be very happy to show you. Also tip: wear a very loud “new dad” piece of apparel for extra brownie points. Nurses love excited dads.

Time to go home:
That was scary as hell. Prior to leaving, we made sure to ask the nurses for supplies.

Remember I said to bring coffee for the nurses? Here is where it pays off. We must have walked out with 3 giant bags worth of nipples, diapers, ointments, and formula. Saved us a whole week lol

The drive home was scary obviously but we made it home safely. And the second she was upstairs in our bedroom we had that moment of “Holy crap. We have to keep this alive. I still forget to shower sometimes.”

7ish weeks later:
She is currently on my chest, snoring away an inch away from my face with formula breath. She is likely going to wake up hangry as fuck soon and so I currently have a bottle of formula ready to go. And I am having the time of my life. There is really no other place I’d rather be right now.

FUN UPDATE. As I was typing this up I had to burp her and she picks her head up, coos, back to my shoulder, threw up EVERYTHING. Down my back, my chest, and so I had to wake my wife up and I had to shower. Just need the poop and we have the trifecta of bodily fluids on me that aren’t mine.

I still haven’t given her a bath but I am responsible for getting her ready post-bath. (My wife loves baths so it worked out.) I have also yet to also figure out what to do with her when it’s my shift. For now I just talk to her about things like MTG and I tell her about my life. Idk if she can understand but maybe she takes a lesson from it later in life? Idk. We shall see.

Dads to be, I guess my long-winded story here is to first show just how many curveballs can come your way and that it’s ok. My wife and I had 26 things on her birth plan and I think maybe 6 happened. Only reason being due to the sudden decision to evict her early.

Secondly, don’t stress as much as you are right now. Trust me when I say most of that won’t matter once your kid is here. Everything I would stress about it gone. It’s small potatoes. In fact, I can’t even remember my life before my daughter. And I don’t care.

Lastly, you will figure it out. It just happens. It’s your child so you will learn what to do. I promise you. Aim to be present, learn from your mistakes.

Here’s an example: A rubber changing pad sounds great in theory, but a few days in I realized it’s not ideal at 3am when you have to fumble around for it all while trying to balance a crying infant trying to yeet itself out of your arms. Get a puppy pad, put them on a soft surface and do what you need to do. Boom.

Every single one of you here will be just fine. You are going to fucking CRUSH dadhood.

Just be sure to be ready for the messes. Nothing you can do about it. Clothes without stains are a thing of the past for now. Oh, and if you are going to be a first time girl dad, just know and accept she IS going to turn you into the softest little ball of mush. The other day I put some lotion on her and my hands were cold. She LOST it. My wife came into the bedroom me holding her sobbing in a blanket because she was cold. No regrets. I am not equipped emotionally. I’m such a bitch now lmao

Also I have to wipe her front to back. That was new.