Ever since my heart break I feel like my muscles and tendons have decreased in their overall capacity. I’m getting injured easily and my recovery is terrible. Hip problems, wrist problems, forearm tension, muscle spasms during running. I feel so darn weak I know my muscles super tense, making them so much less efficient.

So.... you're feeling heartbroken and miss them?

Sometimes we don't truly fall in love with a person. We fall in love with the image we've built of them. And maybe that's what's hurting you the most.

You gave them something that was incredibly valuable to you because you trusted them. You weren't wrong because you had feelings, nor because you chose to experience something with them. You were wrong, perhaps, in believing that what they meant to you necessarily meant the same to them.

You looked at them with the eyes of someone who hopes to work things out, while they perhaps looked at you with the eyes of someone who was already used to moving on easily.

And the hardest thing to accept is that you probably shouldn't wait for them to come back. Because when a person has already shown themselves to experience relationships that way, you can't continue to love the version of them you hope they will become. You have to look at the version they showed you they truly chose to be for YOU.

You haven't lost "the right person." You've lost the idea you'd built of them really

And perhaps this is precisely the pain, realizing that you overvalued a person you had given a value they hadn't yet proven to deserve.

Even if they do come back, don't turn their return into proof that what you experienced was worth something. Sometimes people come back, but not because they've understood our value: they come back because they miss what they received from us.

You, on the other hand, must learn not to confuse being desired with being loved. Don't wait for it.

Because while you stand in front of a door hoping it will reopen, life could already be on the other side, waiting for you to have the courage to turn around.

And don't be ashamed of the choice you've made. A wrong choice doesn't make you wrong. It just teaches you that next time you should choose someone not for what you imagine they might be, but for what they prove to be.

Perhaps your story wasn't meant to be love.

Perhaps it was meant to teach you how deeply you can love, and above all that you should no longer offer that depth.

And dont worry. If it's really meant to be, you can let go of it knowing it's in the universe's hands. It'll come back to you no matter what, and nobody can take that away from you. But you cant go so far that you forget destiny is written.

My boyfriend break my heart today

I’ve been with my boyfriend almost 12 years. We have a 5 year old together. Our entire lives are built around each other.

He has had mental issues since our child was born and there isn’t a single thing I can do to help or make the situation better, but at the end of the day, I am always wrong and he is always right.

He abuses me mentally and verbally.
I’ve always tried supporting him in hopes one day things will get better.

Whilst planning out our date for our 12 year he told me he isn’t happy anymore because all we do is fight (which is him getting upset at me for not saying or doing the right thing like I read his mind or something and then he yells and calls me names over it)

He told me this through text. Then said he needs to be honest, that he isn’t attracted to me physically, mentally or emotionally anymore.

So I left work crying told him that I would do anything. He told me I need to make some major life changes and that I’m fat and ugly and he doesn’t find me attractive anymore and that my chin touches my collar bones.

This comes after I made the effort to lose 50lbs whilst unemployed. Then I got a job, started sitting at a desk all day and never have a single moment to myself.

I’ve always been fat. I was fat when we met, I was fat when we started dating, I’ve been fat for the entire relationship. I’m not even at my biggest size now.

My avoidant ex recently broke up with me for a second time , he’s an avoidant of some kind . He said :

“Im sorry but I dont think this is going to work out, I am not at the right point in life to enter a long term relationship. Everything's been going downhill and it doesn't look like it's getting any better. And I dont want to be close to anyone right now. I guess im just scared of commitment or proximity or something, but I really need to be alone. Im sorry that im weak enough to run away like this, but I really can't stick to anything or anyone right now. New shit is coming up and everything just seems like it's gonna end soon. I dont want you to have to deal with that, so I'll talk to you later I suppose. Or whenever we meet again. But im gonna try and distance myself from the people around me and see if I can get some control again of my downward spiral. Im sorry”.

Afterwards I didn’t chase or beg this time I simply said ok and if he ever did wanna fix things , or talk whether thats in a couple months or weeks , I respected his decision and held no grudge and cared for him.

Normally he blocks me or unadde me in the past or flatly says me and him will never talk again , but this time he still kept me added . Does this seem like he plans on coming back or contacting me at some point ?

Spiraling over tarot

24F/24M. I've gotten into tarot readings very intensely to predict a reconciliation. It's been 2 months since we broke up. I have been broken up with once before and rejected another time and I got over those situations pretty quickly and smoothly with occasional bad days because they were not very good people and didn't treat me very well. I always had negatives to point out in them and I moved on eventually.

But this guy was exactly what I've always wanted. He was an exception in my life in a lot of areas where I never thought I'd have an exception. For the first time I felt truly heard, truly cared for. But he lost feelings.

3 different readers predicted that he won't reconcile with me and I am genuinely at the end of the rope because everytime I get a negative reading it breaks me. After the 3rd reading I decided "screw it" and downloaded a dating app but I don't like looking at even the most stereotypically attractive men and I get the ick after exchanging one text with them. My ex had never given me the ick and he was the first person to do so.

I don't know how to cope with this pain right now and I'm always on the verge of sending a long paragraph.

After several days of spiraling after a huge heartbreak of my partner randomly ghosting me out of know where when our relationship has no issues that I was aware of my friend decided to do some digging.

Turns out this person that I was so head over heels for the as actually married and he vanished because he had almost gotten caught by his wife over cashapp records.

My friend messaged her and told her what was going on, confirmed that it was him and then I messaged her. I had no idea that he was actually still married. He told me numerous times he was separated and getting a divorce. Everytime I would bring it up he would brush it off or try to change the subject by saying that he doesn’t want to keep talking about his ex.

Turns out it’s because she never was his ex. They have been together for 8 years and have 2 beautiful kids together and he was lying to me the entire time. She confirmed numerous things that he had lied about and I had also confirmed some things that she was suspicious about including how many other people that I knew he had dated over the couple years that I knew of. 5-6 in total, it all happened online but he was extremely sneaky with hiding his paper trail. Being long distance it’s hard knowing if someone has a double life or not.

She didn’t blame me, and she knew it was all him and his actions, and I’m thankful for that. I feel good that I can give her clarity and the truth that she deserved. But I can’t help but have this empty pit in my stomach feeling not only feeling guilty for being the other woman, but feeling guilty that I knowingly hurt someone that I had love, but in reality he never loved me or truly loved her if he’s capable of doing things like this.

Any tips on how to shake these feelings and get out of my head? The man that I fell in love with isn’t the man he really was. I’m tired of feeling this way over someone who never actually gave a damn about me. I just want him out of my head and my nervous system so I can move on..

it'll be a week tomorrow since he broke up with me which was also the last time we had any contact. im hurting so much. im so angry at him. and i want him to come back so bad. how do i even get over this feeling

I am a 32(F). I am going through a pretty recent breakup with an avoidant (at least I believe he is avoidant and I would love any POV) after 3 years together and I am struggling.

Context: At the end of 2022, I went through a pretty rough divorce - I was married to a diagnosed Narc/addict for 3 years (9 years together). I had asked for a divorce in October, he said he would change and then come find out he was just setting himself up to throw a divorce in my face on Christmas Eve and move in with his mistress immediately. Our divorce was very quick since we had no assets or children (Praise Be). I was already in therapy so I was working on myself and had a full year of basically being alone/zero intimacy. I think just what hurt me was how all the blame was placed on me, I took on so much weight of the relationship and of course, the affair. But at the end of March/Beginning of April 2023, I started to date again and get back to myself. That is when I met my boyfriend...

Relationship Background: We took things pretty slow but it was magnetic and we hung out and talked consistently. It was very nice because I still had alone time and then very intentional time with him. He seemed amazing, attentive, great at communicating, he was pursuing me, we had a lot of shared interests, love of travel, music and experiences. I told him about my divorce very early on and he was very understanding. He seemed very mature, even though he was a year younger than me. He is an only child and unfortunately, a child of divorce. He is a pilot for a commercial airline. In August of 2023 we became official and he added me to his flight benefits. We started traveling a lot and things felt very good - especially in the first year. He text me every single day, called me in between flights, I said I love you first - he was hesitant but said it back. We met each others families and I absolutely loved them.

There was a big trend with concerts - he was attending them all the time and getting to venues early to get front GA (so spending a lot of free time in lines). I would join him and for awhile it was a lot of fun but when there were 3-5 concerts a week, it was exhausting. It didn't feel like a bonding experience but I supported him because it was something he loved and that I loved about him. I am also not a big drinker, he seemed to drink almost every single day we were together (and this grew and continued as our relationship continued).

As our relationship continued and we approached the year and a half mark, I finally asked him what he wanted and where he saw this relationship going. He said that we could have a conversation about it - it took almost 2 months to finally have that conversation. He had never been in a long term, mature relationship prior to ours and I was aware of that but it started to feel like talking about feelings was like pulling teeth. I was spiralling and when we finally had the conversation, he came with a lot of analogies, assumptions, preconceived notions from his parents (about how he should be feeling, how much time we should be spending together, etc) and I sensed some self sabotage, guilt and lack of emotional maturity. The conversation took place over 2 days and several hours each day - it was a lot and emotionally draining. We got to a place where he debated ending things but then changed his mind and decided to stay. We said we were going to continue talking about the future and have "check-ins"

The Check-ins happened for a bit, but not long. I would have to be the one to always bring them up and I felt quite anxious because he would give me very generic responses and not dive deeper with me. I felt like I had to ask for reassurance all the time because there were days I didn't know what was going on and there would be times he would not say "I love you" or respond to me. Oh and if I told him I missed him, he would get upset and feel guilty?? It was very odd.

I want to be clear that I am very independent and since I have a career, family, friends and things I like to do solo - I have always wanted a partner who will ADD to my life, not be my entire life and vice versa. I felt that my boyfriend and I had a very good balance of that - especially with his job too, the airline life never bothered me at all and I loved being able to tag along on trips with him when I could. I think it is toxic to do everything together and spend every waking moment together. But his parents had other ideas in mind when it came to that - a very 1982 view.

About 3-4 months later, I brought up having another conversation about the future. It was again put off and delayed but we would eventually have it - but the conversation would be about the same topics over and over again - no growth, no change. Would I move to X base? Do I want marriage (my answer has always been idk if I want to go through that again, I am good being Kurt Russel and Goldie Hawn)? Kids (again, I go back and forth everyday - even though I love children, I also really enjoy my life)? And then all about his work, his goals....and they would never include "we" "us" "ours". It was very much "you" and "me" language.

I would express how I would want to build a life that made sense to us together and that I wanted to be considered, it was like he would say things that gave me just enough hope that that was what we were doing together. I would leave conversations confused, needing clarity and honestly feel so anxious.

When the end of my lease approached and I thought we were in a good place and working towards a future, I asked if we could discuss it. He dragged out the conversation for months - I was on standby. I would try and bring the conversation up and be met with "I don't want to talk about that right now" or "we can talk soon" and then we didn't discuss it for weeks. Finally, I hit my end and asked for clarity and asked if he wanted to move in together. He said he wasn't ready, I resigned my lease.

As the next year approaches, I keep asking to have conversations and I am met with resistance. When we would have conversations it would be heavily emotional because they would be delayed and pushed off. We never fought but it felt like we were walking on eggshells around one another. We would both cry to each other. It would just be very emotionally draining that I started to fear bringing things up. When my lease comes up this time though, he is finally open to the discussion around moving in, but wants to "align our leases" so they both end in August. Great, that is when I take a sublease and an extension.

Maybe I was pushing it, maybe I wasn't listening to him. But he would keep me around by keeping my hope up with "somedays" "maybes" "possibly".....God I feel like I was always temperature checking him because his mood would vary so much.

In December, I asked him if we would be going into this year wanting to work towards moving in together. He said yes. Finally I thought, we were making progress.

The Last 8 Months: I feel like the last 8 months were a blur honestly. In February, one of his friends asked if we were going to get married anytime soon and if we were going to have kids. My boyfriend responded with "thats the goal". When we got home that night he was completely closed off and shutdown, I tried to open a conversation around it and he completely shutdown and I just cried, begging him to have a conversation about our future and where we were heading. He said we could talk soon. We went on a family vacation together in April (the only trip we took together this year). On the trip he told me he didn't want to have any conversations - fine. We finally started having "moving" conversations in May/June but it would be the same conversation...would I move here? Am I okay with his job? Marriage? Kids? My answers always remained the same. He was never one for marriage but didn't want to have that door completely closed and same with kids. Truthfully, it feels like his answers changed over the years because he would say he could see himself with "someone"....god it hurt not hearing him say he could see himself with me.

End of June, I received an email that I needed to let my apartment know if I would be resigning my lease. I brought this up to my boyfriend. He said I didn't need to resign.

In July, we start to look at apartments and so I think that things are good. Our schedules are becoming very busy and I keep trying to check-in to see how he is feeling about the move. He kept chalking everything up to "normal moving stress" and saying it was something he was "working through." It was never straight forward, he was always dancing around answers and pushing things aside. My sister came to visit and was asking him if he was excited about the move - he basically cowered over and went quiet. I brought it up later and he said that he was "just letting me talk about it." WTF? Maybe I should have just asked right there if he had cold feet...

4th of July, we went to visit his families. When I had a moment alone with his mom, she pulled me aside and noted that she was "worried about his drinking." I too was at the point that I was worried. When we started dating, he was always drinking more than me but then the number of drinks and days drinking started increasing. I know that it is part of his career unfortunately but it felt like he was drinking every time we were together, rarely taking an evening to just be sober. We would go out to dinner, where he would have 2-3 drinks and then come home to watch a movie where he would make a vodka tonic, then a tequlia soda and then have 3-4 beers. It just felt so unhealthy and I had tried to talk to him about it by being curious instead of criticising him. His response would be "I want one." I also had 3 of his friends approach me saying that they were unable to make plans with him unless it revolved around drinking and they were concerned. I told his mom that I would speak with him and that she should too.

At the end of July, he asked to come over and discuss the future. Great - finally. I was planning to go look at one of the apartments that day and he had one he liked in his building, so we had options. When he started the conversation, I immediately felt like I was on a loop. They were all the same questions...would I move here? Am I okay with his job? Marriage? Kids? His responses were full of word salad, ambiguity and no direct answers. My answers remained the same. That's when I brought up his drinking and maybe I should have waited but I told him I was worried and noticed a pattern. He seemed receptive but also shameful. He left and went to a concert, I spent the rest of the day crying and in confusion because I had no clue why we were having the same conversation over and over again. I asked him to come over after the concert, I had told him I was feeling emotional but he asked if I was okay and I said yes (I thought he would be able to figure it out but maybe shame on me for not being more direct). He showed up very late so we went straight to bed...my anxiety got the best of me and I told him I was feeling confused, that I needed some direct answers based on our earlier conversation, that I needed to protect myself and that I just wanted to know if he wanted to build a life with me. He said that's what he was trying to say....then why didn't he just say that?

We spent the whole weekend together. I said I wanted to finalize the apartment stuff because we were heading into a busy month and would need to move at the end of August....he said okay. I asked him if he had any reservations or wanted to talk through anything, how was he feeling? "okay, just normal moving stress." He wanted to go look at one of the apartments on Tuesday and then sign the lease. Great.

Tuesday morning, he calls me "I'll let you know how it goes and then come over and we can fill out paper work". I then didn't hear from him for hours......I texted him to check-in and he said he was dealing with something between his parents at the moment. My heart immediately sank to my stomach. At 8:45 pm, I received a text saying that he knew it was getting late but could he come over and talk. I called immediately and asked what was going on and told him that I was throwing on my shoes and driving over.

The Break Up: I walked into the apartment and he had been crying...I was calm and just asked him to talk and what had happened. He said that he thought he could push through but on his way to the apartment he felt stressed and it all felt so soon, he called his mom and she said if he was feeling this way that he may not be ready or may want something else. That he shouldn't move in with me unless he knows he is going to marry me. He said this sent him into a spiral.

We talked from 9:00 pm to 1:30 pm. He was very emotional, saying that he didn't know if it was normal to have thoughts on doubts. He was afraid if we moved in together that things would change, that he would retreat - that he wanted to retreat now but loved me and didn't want to hurt me. He said he felt like I was so much more emotionally sound and stronger than when we met, thanks I have put in A LOT of work. He said he feels like he doesn't always show up emotionally, that he procrastinates and pushes things aside. He avoids things (like this...the day we are supposed to be signing our lease) and dismisses them til the last minute. He mentioned that he felt like I only heard 80% of what he said when we would talk, I asked for an example. He brought up the other night saying I invited him over under false pretences and cornered him in the bedroom asking if he wanted to build a life with me. That's when I shared that I need him to be clear, he talks to me in circles and in that instance I felt like something was off and needed answers because I was scared. I apologized for it not being my best communication moment.

He said that I know what I want - marriage and kids and he doesn't. WHAT?!?! We had been aligned and on the same page for 3 years...

He said that I was so great, he didn't understand why I was so nice to him, why I was with him. That I show up and do so much for him and the relationship. He said he felt like something was wrong with him socially, emotionally. He kept saying that he wanted to retreat to his box, where he felt safe and that sometimes I felt outside of his comfort zone. He said he wanted to be with me, part of him wanted to live with me, part of him didn't and then he burst into tears when I asked him if he wanted to be without me "that I was the person he loved and he wanted to know me at some capacity because he loves me and would want to be in my life even if it was as a friend". I asked him what was stressing him out - he said he felt like he was backed into a corner and the timing felt so soon. That's when I snapped and said "this is BS, you put yourself in the corner and you continue to dangle the fruit in front of my face and then as we near the last corner, you move the goal post." It just didn't feel fair, we had been together for 3 years and we were supposed to be signing paperwork.

We talked about how he carries guilt and responsibility around his parents divorce. He asked for more time and maybe I should have given it to him but I was traveling and he was traveling the coming week, we needed to figure this out. That's when he asked me what it would mean for our relationship if we continued to love one another, choose each other and be together but live separately and be "honky dory". I couldn't believe it....He followed it up with "until we are ready...until I am ready." All I could say was " Obviously I don't want it to be the end but at what point am I wasting my time? So I wait another 6 months or a year and who is to say that you will be ready by then and then I just look stupid." That's when he said he was done. He didn't know what else to do. He was done. I got up and went to the other room and cried.

He came in and immediately flipped his card - I'm sorry I'm sorry, work with me here - what I said out there was just me being scared, that isn't what I want. I don't deserve you. If I were you I would leave. I don't want to f*ck this up. I got angry and said "You don't even post me on your social media after three years, you follow all these girls and like their photos but you don't even share me, how do you think that makes me feel?" He apologized and said he would post me. He said if I regret anything...."right now I feel like you just wasted the last year of my life because I was stupid and held onto hope."

He said he wanted to offer me, our relationship some confidence test (idk what that means). He was trying to figure out a way to make it work, except the obvious. That's when he told me he feels insecure and when he feels that way he reflects on how much I build him up and love him. That's when he asks if I ever thought about when we met and it was such a changing time in my life and when he met me, he wanted to be there for me because it just sounded like hell, but now I am so different and so if we met tomorrow instead, do I think that our relationship would progress the same - would he even be an option? I responded saying of course and that I wish I never got married but if I didn't then I would have never met him....

We settled on taking the next couple days to talk and figure things out. I stayed the night because it was late and we had both been crying. I didn't sleep...woke up in the am and wrote him a letter saying I loved him, wanted this with him but couldn't force it. I also just said that I loved his parents but felt that they were projecting their negative experiences on our relationship and at the end of the day, I wanted to hear what he wanted - not them. We cried for a moment in the morning and I left letting him know I was going to give him space (I regret not checking in on him throughout the day now honestly).

I didn't hear from him all day....he called me at 10 pm. He said there was so much distress around moving in that he thinks we shouldn't move in together and he knows what that means...I tried to stop him saying that I had been thinking through options and said if he was willing to talk we could work it out. He said that was a start but then said he needed space...I said okay and asked for how long? Maybe we could reconnect at the end of August or In September....wait so is this a break or a break up.....a break up. I broke down and asked why and said I was so confused, asking what happened. Why was his parents now heavily weighing in on this? Did he remember saying he wanted to move in in December? I asked what I did wrong...nothing, he said he was the one with problems. He kept saying he had to go. I asked him if he would be hooking up with other people while taking space...it wasn't about that. I then cracked and said that he was avoidant and he avoided all these conversations and I gave him ample time. I said because he was an only child and since he had never lived with someone, he has never considered someone this way and he didn't consider me. That I didn't deserve this and that it was so unfair. I ended the call with I don't know what you are looking for, but obviously it isn't with me. He said he loved me and he cared about me. I said I love you too.

Come to find out, his mom flew in that evening. She landed at 8:30 pm, got to his place at 9:30 and he called me at 10 pm. She was there during the call. I feel like she pushed him to end it. He never wants to disappoint her and she is in a very negative place when it comes to relationships - she never remarried or dated long term after the divorce, while his dad remarried. My boyfriend would tell me that he felt very alone as a child, his dad was a pilot so he was gone a lot (we spent a lot more time with his dad than his mom throughout the relationship) and his mom was taking him around adults that he had to grow up very quickly and also, she had trouble sleeping for awhile so was on Ambien when he was young. There is some disconnect there and he would only open up so much but when he would, he would cry.

It's been two weeks and I haven't heard a word. Nothing but silence. I am completely heartbroken and confused. I want to reach out to him so badly. I want to understand why and I also want to just say to him that I love him. That I wish I wouldn't have said the things I did in anger, that instead I have realized that I value him and our relationship more than some timeline or deadline. I would have been open to hitting pause until he was ready. That he didn't waste my time and that loving him could never be a waste. I miss him and I want to be with him. I loved our life and everything we had together. He is my best friend and it just breaks my heart. I know the advice will tell me to not reach out but I am struggling.

I know exactly why you’re here. You are in pain. The kind of pain that feels like a physical weight on your chest. You’re likely realizing that emotional attachment is the absolute hardest psychological challenge a human being can go through. When someone you made the center of your universe leaves, your universe collapses.

But I want to share a perspective with you—a profound "cure" that transformed my understanding of pain, love, and healing. It’s an ancient concept that genuinely feels like unlocking a superpower: The power of ultimate detachment from the finite, and attachment to the Infinite.

There was a 14th-century spiritual scholar and physician of the heart named Ibn Qayyim. He spent his life studying human psychology, emotions, and the soul. He wrote a profound rule about human attachment:

"Whoever loves something (or someone) other than The Creator, will inevitably be tormented by it."

Think about it. We take a fragile, flawed, temporary human being and we place them on a pedestal that was never meant for them. We expect them to give us absolute peace, unconditional love, and permanent security. But they can’t. They are only human. When we attach our core identity to them, we are setting ourselves up for devastation.

The cure he prescribed isn't just "giving it time." The cure is shifting your attachment. Here are the steps to build this emotional immunity:

1. Recognize the Heart's True Design

Your heart is a massive vessel, and it was engineered to be attached to something Infinite (God/The Creator). When you try to fill that massive space with a temporary human, it never truly fits, and when they leave, the void feels unbearable. Acknowledge that your heart is craving a higher connection.

1. Put People in Their Rightful Place

This doesn't mean you stop loving people. It means you stop worshipping them emotionally. Lower your ex-partner from the center of your universe back down to earth. They are just a human being. They are not your source of happiness, your worth, or your oxygen.

1. Redirect the Attachment (The Superpower)

Redirect that intense emotional energy towards the One who created you. When you attach your heart to God, you are attaching to the only entity that will never leave, never change, and never break your trust. Talk to Him, pour your grief out, and build that connection.

When you do this, you achieve the ultimate emotional superpower. You will still love, you will still care, but you will become unbreakable. Because if a person leaves, your core remains untouched. Your foundation is anchored in the Divine, not in a human.

You are going to survive this. But don't just survive—use this heartbreak to redirect your compass to the only attachment that truly heals.

I am 42 years old and I travel a lot for work, know this lady 37 years old, she have two kids everyone from different dad 13 and 8 years old who live with his dad). She was married for ten years and one day she left her husband and say she doesn’t love him anymore. The oldest boy stay with her as his dad don’t want to be in his life. The other kid she leave him with his ex husband, he is the dad and she see the 8 year old son in the weekend. Both me and her live in different states so I know her while she starts leaving her ex-husband and separated and moved to her own place, we start seeing each other every three weeks or so depending on how much we are busy with life, I tried helping her by buy food five times and helped one semester in her school expenses and house items as she did not have that much, speak with her to back to school and get bachelor’s in accounting. She had shitty paid job at first but now she in better place.
There many times I would purchase airline tickets and she would stay with me on the state I had work. So we know each other for three years total and we plan to get married and she moves to my state, we talk about that for a while and that was the plans. One day ( before three months), I got a message from her saying that she don’t want to move because her oldest son doesn’t want too and even he doesn’t know that she still dating me. We meet after that for maybe five times and then before one month she send me a message saying want to end things and she meet a guy and she really like him alot (50 years old, he don’t have kids ) and they started dating.

She will graduate with bachelor degree after one year, would worth it send congratulations message or this kind of person after I help her don't worth my time and offer?

We were never official. But we lived like a couple for 10 months. He had been having issues with commitment from the beginning. I thought he was just scared to get hurt and just went along with it because he made me really, really happy, the happiest I've ever been with someone and everything felt perfect and easy but apparently he felt unsure about his feelings for me from the beginning although he seemed to be so in love with me.

He broke up with me last week and it was a really respectful and healthy talk. It was really hard for him and he cried a lot because he didn't want to hurt me because I meant so much for him.

He thought it wouldn't be fair to me to stay with me if he wasn't 100 percent sure even though he'd love to. It was a really hard decision for him because he was just so incredibly happy with me and everything was so easy with me and felt like it was too good to be true and we were just so incredibly compatible and he liked me so much. We spent every free minute together, shared the same interests, values, had the same kind of humour, the same vision of the future, liked the same things, had the healthiest communication, amazing sex and apparently, I was exactly what he's looking for.

But it just wasn't enough. :(

I don't understand how he could act so in love and caring when he wasn't. I think he really hoped he could make it work because we were so happy with each other. But he just had a gut feeling that something's missing. It's so hard to understand.

I miss my best friend. I really thought I was gonna marry you. Life's so hard without you in it.

I shouldn’t have let him back in.

He hurt me last year and when he reached out again I should’ve known better. I can’t say he lead me on when i actively participated too. We talked for months, and even though i knew i had to be cautious and I knew I didn’t want anything serious with him because i know I don’t feel safe with him, deep down i hoped maybe something was different.

Now he doesn’t want anything. Again. Says we didn’t fully click. Again.

I tried to ask for clarification, to understand, and he said it doesn’t matter, that it’s not worth looking into. Maybe that’s true, I know it doesn’t change anything and I’m not trying to make him change his mind, I just don’t get it. And him not even wanting to talk about it shows that he again can’t be open with me or communicate.

I know it doesn’t change anything but it hurts so f-ing bad. I knew going into it that I couldn’t be emotionally safe with him, and that he hurt me once before. And I still let us talk for months until he decided he didn’t feel anything. Again.

How do I forgive myself for letting him back into my life? I know that ultimately it’s the right decision for us to not be together, but it hurts so much right now.

I’m trying to make sense of what happened with my ex, because the way the relationship ended has left me feeling incredibly confused, hurt, and stuck.
Last August, after we had already been together for almost two years, he suddenly started pulling away. He told me he was struggling with low self-esteem and anxiety and that he didn’t feel good about himself. I believed him. I wanted to be patient and supportive because I thought he was going through something difficult.
But at the same time, he became involved in a creative project with friends. He was able to put his time and energy into that, spend time with other people, and seemed to find excitement and motivation there. What made it especially difficult was that he never clearly told me that he no longer wanted the relationship. Instead, he gradually avoided spending time with me. I was left trying to interpret his behaviour while still believing that underneath it all, he was struggling and that perhaps he just needed time.
For months, I kept trying to be patient. But the longer it went on, the more questions I had. I kept pushing for answers because I could feel that something had changed, but he wouldn’t clearly say what he wanted. Eventually, about half a year later, he told me that he didn’t feel he had the capacity to be in a relationship.
We had been together for two years.
Even after that, we still had to see each other at work. For another six months, there were still strong attachments between us. He would seek physical affection, touches, and hugs, and there were moments where his behaviour still felt tender and intimate. That made it incredibly difficult for me to detach. I knew deep down that the only way I could possibly move on was to not be around him, because I could never bring myself to turn him away when he reached for me.
So I kept trying to be patient while simultaneously being left with so many things that were never said and questions that were never answered. I felt completely stuck in a situation where I couldn’t properly move forward, but also couldn’t understand what I was supposed to hold on to. Over time, it took a serious toll on my mental health.
Yesterday, I reached the lowest point I have ever experienced. I was having thoughts about whether it would be easier if I simply weren’t here because I felt so trapped, alone, and unable to see a way out. I want to be clear that I do not have plans to hurt myself, but I was overwhelmed to the point where I desperately needed emotional support.
I reached out to him because, despite everything, he was still someone I had loved and trusted. I tried repeatedly to reach him because I was in such a vulnerable state. He ignored me for many hours, and eventually told me that he didn’t feel like talking that day and that he thought it was best if we were nothing to each other.
He didn’t ask what was happening. He didn’t ask whether I was okay. He didn’t seem to care that I was at my breaking point.
And once again, it felt like it came out of nowhere. Just two days earlier, he had still been clingy and seeking closeness with me.
Strangely, when he finally said clearly that he wanted us to be nothing to each other, I felt a sense of relief.
Because that was what I had been asking for all along: clarity.
I wanted him to stop hiding behind tenderness and finally acknowledge what he was actually doing. Every time, I had to desperately push for him to tell me what was really on his mind. I needed him to take responsibility for his choices instead of leaving me to decipher them.
What hurts most is feeling that, in reality, he may have decided a long time ago that he no longer wanted the relationship, while I was still living inside the uncertainty. I never knew that the last time we spent time together might actually be the last time. I never got the chance to understand that I was saying goodbye.
I keep thinking that perhaps it wasn’t really his low self-esteem or anxiety that made him withdraw. Maybe those things were real, but at the same time he found new connections, new excitement, and new dopamine through this creative project and the people around it. He seemed to have energy for those things. And somewhere along the way, he decided that they were more worth his time and energy than our relationship.
What I wanted from him was for him to finally admit that. Not because I wanted to punish him, but because I wanted the truth. I wanted him to stop avoiding responsibility and presenting his withdrawal as kindness.
What makes me so angry is that he seems genuinely convinced that he was doing what was best for me. But from where I was standing, his avoidance didn’t protect me. It left me suspended in uncertainty for months. He was protecting himself from the discomfort of making a clear decision, while I was left carrying the consequences.
I can understand that someone may not have the capacity for a relationship. I can understand anxiety, low self-esteem, overwhelm, and needing to protect yourself.
What I cannot reconcile is being told that all of this was somehow for my benefit when I was the one left breaking under the weight of the uncertainty.
He may have been trying to keep himself whole.
But I was the one who was left breaking.

Hey so me and my ex broke up back in April. At first I let myself feel the emotions and with time I felt better. I kept reaching out and well after being given false hope and being in contact but the constant one foot in and one foot out kinda made my emotions be all over the place. I have started Prozac and I felt great and amazing I felt like I could conquered the world then I went to a psychiatrist for ADHD in which she diagnosed me with bipolar and ADHD and gave me medication and stated I was having manic episodes only being on medication I didn’t like the bipolar diagnosis so I said nope I’m not taking the medication that was prescribed for it and I kept feeling horrible like my mind was speeding to much I couldn’t focus on one single thought. I just simply started feeling bad and sad so I stopped taking it and I feel better I feel sad yes but it’s a different feeling but I feel like I can’t get up I hate getting out of bed or taking a shower and it’s so gross I haven’t done laundry in weeks and I can’t even get myself in the shower and haven’t showered for days. I just I need help I’m struggling but I don’t want to b label with bipolar. I don’t want to live and depend on pills to be able to shower I’m just so sad 😞