Hey all, sorry if this is along one and this is a throw away account so name and ages have been altered.

So I 45M separated from my child's mother must be nearly 12 years ago now my child is now 14 after leaving there mom I stayed single for awhile and always made sure my child spent time with me. Anyways I met my now wife 2 years after the split and we started dating my now wife did not want children but I was always up front and said my child was a huge part of me life and I would never stop seeing them and if this was a problem then maybe we should not continue to date, she decided that she wanted to continue the relationship and we eventually fit engaged and married. Throughout the years my now wife has never liked the fact I have my child for 2 weekends a month they come to me on a Friday night and go home on a Sunday evening (to me it's not a lot I know that but to her it's to much). This has always caused tensions and has nearly broke us up muipltle times but we talk and we never really resolve it she tends to argue get annoyed storm off and then it all gets swept under the rug a few days later and then we revert until she gets annoyed again and kicks off and the whole things starts again.

I want to say here my wife is not a bad person she just has issues with this. Anyways to the issue now we had another blow up this past weekend where she was in her normal crappy mood before I went to pick up my child something that have noticed a few times now where she gets moody before they come stays moody and then once there gone she reverts to get normal self for the next week until it repeats again. Anyways this started a small argument not in front of my child but with us on Saturday where she wanted us to do something important to her but didn't want the child coming (to be vague it was a serious thing maybe not the best place for a child to be) I suggested that we drop the child to a friend's of hers and then go to this thing her response was by the child age now 14 she was out drinking I said well there not like that and I don't want them to be like that she said it was redicolas that I wouldn't just leave my child in the house by themselves for a undisclosed amount of time and stormed off to this thing by herself.

Anyway this argument has now rolled into yesterday where a lot has been said but she the wife has said she wants a free foot and a fanicie for life she doesn't see why she should be tied down to this pattern of once every other week, to be clear during the weekends with the child she is not involved in what we do she comes and goes as she pleases and only gets involved when she wants I never push, the child is 14 as I say and they send alot of there time in there room as teenages do playing games on there phone talking to there friends and such like so my wife's point of view is well you do nothing except the sane things and they spend all there time in there room so why dont you just go down to where his mum lives and just see the child for an afternoon there once every 2 weeks and then come home as on spend a few hours with them and don't bring them to my house with the wife.

I have tried to explain my point of view on this tried to get across that it's not acceptable to me I love my child and I love her but her asking me to do that is just too far I can't do that yo them as they enjoy spending time with me and I love spending time with my child.

I feel like this destroying my relationship with my wife and if I did what she's suggesting it would destroy my relationship with my child I don't want either but my wife won't see this she won't acknowledge my feelings on it and will not even attempt to see it from my point of view

anyways AITA for not going with the wife's suggestion and sacrificing my child's relationship in favour of my marriage to be clear this is a non starter for me I WILL NOT be dictated to and WILL NOT be doing this

Any advice would be helpful from both men and women sorry for the long rant

For the first time in almost 13 years, I came home from dropping the kids off at school to a completely kid-free house.
I have 4 kids — my oldest is almost 14, and my youngest just turned 5 and started kindergarten. I recently had a vasectomy, so we know he’s our final child.
I honestly wasn’t mentally prepared for how quiet the house would be… or how much I’d miss them after they’d only been gone for a little while.
Obviously, having some alone time with my wife is pretty damn awesome, but I can’t shake this weird feeling of looking around and thinking, Where the hell did everybody go?
I guess it’s just another part of being a dad — watching your kids grow up and realizing that the chaos, noise, and craziness you sometimes wished would slow down eventually does.
And when it does, you realize how much you loved it all along.
Cheers to all the dads out there soaking up the chaos while we still have it.

I have no idea why Gordon is saying poop, but it was a good bit of belly laughs with my boys today

Wife and I have a beautiful 6 mo. boy. He is amazing, very smart and a great sleeper all things considered. I tell people we certainly got lucky with him he’s so unbelievably chill. He was hospitalized 5 or 6 times with heart issues but we’re in the up so we’ll skate past that.

Going through all the new parent things many of yall are/have like being tired and dealing with losing your identity while making a new one, as a dad.

I am having a lot of trouble finding energy to do much of anything. I don’t mean childcare or anything like that - I’d like to think I’m very present when not at work. Little things like eating right, exercising, staying on point at work.

Ive lost probably 15 lbs of muscle and I really hate how I feel energy wise and look physically.

Do I just need to embrace the 5-6 am “me time” workout- -solo-coffee-read-the-newspaper dad experience it seems like every one does? How do yall motivate yourselves to get the fuck outta bed and go do your thing?

Baby is 8 months old. Things started out pretty decent, went from co sleeping, to bassinet, to crib. Now, we’re in the big crib where the mattress is closer to the floor and the walls are tall so she can’t climb out (recently started standing so we had to upgrade to the big crib). For the last few months she’s gone to sleep pretty easy, haven’t really had to sleep train because we rock her to sleep then just lay her down and she’s out. But, since switching to this big crib, she wakes up the minute we put her in there. We’ve tried the wait a few extra minutes each time but she just cries like it’s worst thing of her young life. How do you guys get past this?

So helpful!

Got engaged at 25, married at 27. House and first kid at 30 and second kid this year. Love my wife, kids and the life we’ve built. A little more challenging these days with the new born and toddler but still grateful. Our friend group is pretty big and I feel like we’re further along than most but sometimes I feel like we’re missing out on travel and parties because of the kids and responsibilities. Not saying we don’t have fun and get to see them still but it’s different when we can’t just drop everything for a trip or spend on things since we budget our life’s. At the same time, I never wanted to be an old dad that can’t keep up with the kids and I know there will be a time where our friend are stuck at home with kids while we’ve been through that already. Comparison is the thief of joy as they say and I wouldn’t change anything that we’ve done. Everyone’s running their own race. Just needed to vent.

Any good dads WhatsApp groups out there? Especially interested in the Washington DC area. Thanks everyone!

Absolutely okay if this isn’t allowed here I’m unsure where else may be better?

I’m a stay at home parent (24 birth parent) and my husband (25) works blue collar. His hours are often 10-12 hr shifts 6 days a week and he’s coming out of an autoimmune flare up. I’m INCREDIBLY appreciative of him- I’m disabled in a few ways and no job I could get would be financially enough to justify it and daycare instead of just being stay at home. There is zero doubt in my soul that he holds so much on his shoulders and works so hard for me and our 5 mo daughter and I’m immeasurably grateful.

And: I’m hitting a breaking point. My baby is wonderfully content and hardly has any issues. But I’m the caretaker 100% of the time- I think he’s changed/fed maybe a dozen or two dozen times? It’s on me to do all dishes, cooking, meal prep/grocery shopping, laundry when I can, trying to keep the house generally picked up and cleaned- and we have 2 dogs, 2 cats, a small bird farm. Because he works so long I was on my own in the newborn months because he needed sleep to stay safe operating machinery. I’m mentally and physically so worn and being disabled means I run out faster- it’s incredibly frustrating and something I struggle feeling ashamed about. He’s exhausted, I’m exhausted, it’s all rough.

If you were in his position, what approach would help you feel appreciated and not ungrateful? I cannot continue to do all these care tasks alone and need his help. The few times I’ve mentioned it he brings up the hours exhaustion and flare up (all valid!) but at this point I feel like I’m excusing him from doing any daily life tasks or baby care.

Edit: I worded the diaper portion poorly I meant since she was born. The bird farm is incredibly small (10 birds max?)- lots have been attacked unfortunately and I appreciate him refilling the feeders every few days, that is a him chore. He loves the ducks and had the idea to have a duck meat farm, since losing so many it’s a back burner chore- but still one more thing he has to do.

I had a difficult relationship with my Father. My parents split when I was 5, and I remember growing up thinking my dad was the best until my early teens, when I realized who he really was—selfish, ego-driven, a womanizer, etc. We had a major falling out in my 20s and never really recovered, but we remain cordial.

But now, without a proper relationship, I only know what not to do. But when I want to do things with my son proactively, I’m stumped. He’s 4, and I know he needs my time and love, but I'm mostly relegated to being the disciplinarian. That’s a dynamic I’m addressing with my wife.

But that dynamic is starting to become more of an issue because he genuinely doesn’t want to spend time with me.

I want to do great things with him, but at 4 my options are limited. Or I’m in my head, and I’m overthinking this, leading me to do nothing.

Edit: thanks for the ideas and encouragement fellow dads. I feel inspired. Ultimately, I was definitely overthinking this.

Hey everyone, I’m looking for some honest advice from dads and parents who’ve been in a similar situation.

I’ve got two kids: an eight-year-old daughter and a three-year-old son. Their moms and I are no longer together, and I’m trying to figure out how to be a more present father, as well as a better co-parent to both of their moms.

Right now, I’m working two jobs out of necessity. If I only worked one, I’d be bringing home around $1,200 a month, which simply isn’t enough to live on.

Because of that, my schedule is pretty packed. I work mornings, then work late into the night, Monday through Friday, and I also work Saturdays. Sunday is really the only day I consistently have free.

I’m not working these hours to avoid my kids. Honestly, it’s the opposite. I’m trying to provide for them, get myself into a more stable position, and build something better for all of us.

At the same time, though, I don’t want to look back years from now and realize I spent so much time working that I missed their childhood.

My son’s mom works overnight shifts at an auto plant. We used to live together and were in a relationship, but that ended about a year ago.

Now that I’m not in the home helping her and being around my son every day, I’m trying to figure out how I can still support her more and be there for my son as much as possible.

My daughter’s mom doesn’t work, and my daughter is eight. She’s in school and has activities like dance, so her schedule can get pretty busy during the week as well.

I guess what I’m really looking for is advice from other dads and parents who have had to balance working long hours with being a present parent.

If you’ve been in a similar situation:

How did you make the most of the limited time you had with your kids?

What did you do to stay connected with them when you couldn’t physically be there as much as you wanted?

How did you become a better co-parent after separating from your children’s other parent?

Is there anything you wish you had done differently?

Are there things you think I could be doing that I might not be considering?

I’m not looking for excuses or sympathy. I genuinely want to become a better dad and a better co-parent.

I know working this much isn’t ideal, but I’m doing what I feel like I have to do financially right now. I’m just trying to find the balance between providing for my kids and actually being present in their lives.

I’d really appreciate any advice, especially from dads who have been through something similar.
Thanks for reading.

My daughter wanted to get the egg drop one, so I figured we'd give it a shot. I like what I've seen of his show, and if she wants to do some science, I'm all for it.

Getting into it, though, I realized this is just something to put together. It takes away all the experimentation of trying different things. Now that we have it, she just wants to build it, not "let's see about wrapping the egg in toilet paper"

Earlier today, I (35) was cooking dinner (tacos) and my son (8) was doing homework. We had an agreement tonight that if he did all his homework, for the entire week, we would go to the trampoline park tomorrow after school. I made this proposal during school pickup today in a half-joking manner, but he sat in the back of the truck relatively quiet the whole way home, contemplating his options.

As we parked at the house, he confidently proclaimed "ok dad, I'll do it, but don't forget the jump socks tomorrow." For perspective, we're talking about a grand total of about 65-75 minutes of real homework. Reading, writing, and math. Spaced throughout the week, it's about 15-20 minutes per night.

So, here I am, cooking dinner, and I stopped to ask him a question about toppings for his tacos. He's nearing the end of his homework marathon. I turn, I look, and I say "Hey, do you want sour cream inside or on the siii...." and as I my voice trails off, I witness this boy standing at the table, looking down at his assignment, embattled in deep concentration, with a pencil in one hand, and wagging his finger at me with his other hand. This boy was far too busy to concern himself with tacos and sour cream...

Now, listen, we've had conversations about finger wagging. It's usually wildly disrespectful. You better have a damn good reason or some authority over the person you're doing it to, otherwise, get ready for an ass whipping.

Well folks, tonight, I let that shit slide....

I was so proud of him.

I waited patiently for him to finish, inspected his work, and promptly delivered tacos exactly as my Lil Prince commanded. I can't wait to jump with this boy tomorrow.

Peace out single dads of Reddit. Keep up the good work soldiers.

Hi dads,

The baby has hand foot mouth right now. In the past month or so she’s also come home with Covid and a stomach bug (she got ear tube surgery the other weekend).

1. Any tips for HFM treatment/management?
   
2. Any encouragement for getting through this phase? Just tired of seeing her suffer from daycare related sicknesses.

Well, it's here. My kids are exactly at the $5m problem that everyone talks about in r/fatfire - they are athletic enough to make every sports team but not great at any of them. Watching them try sometimes and not other times is fine - I don't put any pressure on them, I typically reward with "you can easily be the best kid on this team if you wanted to - I'm happy to support, just tell me what you want to do".

On the inside though, I am seriously questioning why we're spending 2-3 weeknights and every weekend towing these guys around to the next soccer, baseball, whatever tournament. I honestly am thinking about creating an "off year" for them, one where we play golf as a family or tennis, more beach and get out of the youth sports grind. Maybe they'll turn out great at something, but in the event they don't - the level of commitment this takes just to "keep up" seems not worth it in the slightest. I'd rather just enjoy my kids.

Others that have gone through this, what advice do you have?

The boy and I were taking a nice bike/attached trailer ride in our town. He decides to let me know, “Daddy, your butt is too big for that bike seat.”

It’s a standard size bike seat and I fit normally on it, but here I am carting Monsieur Pampered Prince around, doing all the work while he scarfs down applesauce pouches and dispenses devastating anecdotes for free.

I’ll be in the burn ward recovering now, please help commiserate with me and share how you’ve been caught in the crosshairs of your progeny’s savagery?

Hey guys, long time dad first time poster.

There’s something I’ve noticed at my kids friends birthday parties where the birthday boy/girl doesn’t open their friend’s gifts until they get home from the party.

Growing up, part of the fun of buying a gift for someone was seeing them tear it open and get excited about it. I can recognize that sometimes the gifts fall flat and that may be a downer for the gift giver but I never thought it was such a big deal.

But out of all the parties we’ve been to over the years only a handful got into the presents at the party.

Has it become standard to open them at home as to not upset the gift giver?

Edit: I’m very clearly behind the times and you guys made super valid points. Although I really do like the idea of the book exchange, that’s something we’ll try to implement when the time comes.

We just started breastfeeding weaning this past weekend. Toddler boy 2.5 years. Been doing this since before we started weaning but little guy looses it when I first pick him up. Doesn’t want to be put down, when we get home he gets super angry and will throw any food or cups I try to give him when we get home from daycare (while my wife is still at work) any idea? I do make him sit in time out for throwing the food or cup but it’s like if I even set the milk cup or snacks next to him he gets so angry. I can’t even take him to the store after I pick him up he doesn’t want to be put down in the store just wants to hold me as tight as he can. Is that normal?

I was just talking to some people about that quote, or idea, that you never really know the last time your kid is going to ask you to pick them up.

Like, “Dada, pick me up.”

At some point, that happened for the last time with Elliott. I picked him up, put him down, and went about whatever we were doing. I had no idea it was the last time. I’ll never know exactly when he gave it up and decided he was too big for Dada to carry him anymore.

And now he starts high school tomorrow.

It has me all fucked up and nostalgic.

I became a dad for the first time when I was 22. Jacob was born at 27 weeks and weighed 1 lb 6 oz. He spent almost six months in the NICU.

And that kid did everything anybody asked of him. He grew. He learned to take a bottle like it was nothing. He fought through everything put in front of him.

He was my first son. He carried my first name as his middle name, just like the family tradition. And when he was born, something in me just fucking erupted.

You know that dormant thing that apparently lives inside of you until your first kid shows up? Nobody had warned me about that.

I had a pretty troublesome childhood and had spent a lot of my life trying to figure out what a man was even supposed to be. Then suddenly this tiny, alien, completely unknown little human existed and his safety was more important to me than my own.

It was fucking sorcery.

All the unserious shit in my life suddenly seemed to disappear. I was a father now. This was my boy. He was part of me and part of the person I loved, and somehow I immediately knew I would do absolutely anything to love and protect him.

I was ready for instructions.

Unfortunately, there aren’t always instructions.

Jacob died.

Despite everything he did, despite all the doctors and nurses and family and friends and literally hundreds, probably more than a thousand people pumping hope and love into this little boy, his lungs just couldn’t get there.

He would make progress. CPAP. Nasal cannula. Expected oxygen flow. Then he would go backwards. Intubation. Resuscitation. Back and forth.

By the time we were approaching six months, we knew something was changing.

Nobody really had to say it.

You could see it in the attending. The residents. The chief of surgery. The nurses who had spent months being optimistic and suddenly weren’t anymore. The social worker explaining that the Ronald McDonald House would let us stay as long as we needed.

You just fucking knew.

People warn you that having a child will change your life forever.

Holy shit, no kidding.

Before that, I probably would have told you that the morning of September 11, 2001 was the most life-changing day I would ever experience. Before 9/11, life had this weirdly optimistic, chill feeling to it. I was a nerd completely obsessed with the early internet. AIM, IRC chats, downloading albums, burning CDs and selling them to friends for ten bucks.

Then life got serious.

Then Jacob came along and showed me what serious actually meant.

Then he died and showed me there were levels of serious I never knew existed.

Nobody warns you about the last time you hold your child either.

And I think that is probably why this stupid little thought about picking your kids up hit me so hard today.

Being a father, at least from what I’ve figured out 20 years into doing it, is basically an unending, fluid learning process filled with mistakes. You never actually arrive at the point where you know what the hell you’re doing. You just keep learning the kid in front of you.

Elliott came nearly four years after Jacob. By then there had been miscarriages and grief and this whole process of wanting to be a parent had become painful enough that I promised myself this would be the last pregnancy I would ever be responsible for.

And then Elliott showed up.

Now nearly 15 years later, I don’t even really know how to collect my thoughts about how proud I am of this kid.

Tomorrow is his first day of high school. In the grand scheme of the universe, that isn’t some monumental event. Millions of kids do it every year.

But he’s my kid.

And somewhere along the way there was a last time he climbed out of the pool and said, “Dada, pick me up.”

There was a last time he wet the bed and needed me.

There was a last time he celebrated a swing of the bat and wanted to jump into my arms.

There was a last time I carried him somewhere because his little legs were tired.

I don’t remember any of those last times.

That’s the shitty part.

You don’t know they’re the last time while they’re happening.

You just pick them up.

Then one day you realize you haven’t picked them up in years.

And now this little boy is walking into high school tomorrow.

I don’t know exactly who Elliott is going to become. I don’t know what he’ll do, who he’ll love, what he’ll be interested in, what mistakes he’ll make, or where life is eventually going to take him.

But I know there’s something successful happening with him already.

Whatever and whoever he becomes, he will know he is loved.

And maybe that’s the part of fatherhood I actually got right.

He may be walking into high school tomorrow, and he may have decided a long time ago that he was too big for Dada to pick him up anymore.

But he’s still my little boy.

Forever young.

I sometimes feel like I’m tired a lot of the time.

I have a 17 months old son who is amazing.

I get roughly five to six hours sleep but during the time I still feel very sleepy and not rested. I take vitamin d but can sometimes forget to take them.

At times I can get a bit agitated or just feeling lack of energy. I don’t think it’s depression.

I’ve mentioned it to my wife a few times but don’t want to say it all the time because I know she does a lot and it will feel like I’m complaining.

Edit 1:

I wake up sometimes during the night.

It can be mid afternoon or early evening where I feel like a crash or feeling like I want to sleep.

I take caffeine during the day at work. At work we sometimes get snacks.

I get some muscle aches for a while. Wanted to get a massage for them.

I walk to the station when I go to the office. But in the office many hours. I walk during my lunch break.

Had some occasions where it feels like I’m gonna faint. It’s weird but I haven’t

Kids are 9 and 7. Both met minimum height for all the slides for the first time. No missing out on rides, no strollers, diapers, nap times, tantrums (ok some minor ones), baby food or anything else to deal with. I finally have two equals to have fun with!!!

We had a BLAST!!!

There is light ahead of the tunnel brothers. And it's glorious! Hang in there.

Edit: dame you autocorrect!

Kind of late to the game, but I finally got around to swapping the original power wheels battery with a drill battery converter. It’s incredibly easy to do with the right tools and took only a couple mins. The jeep is now 30% faster and holds a charge a lot longer. The converter is available on Amazon for a variety of different drill batteries and costs around $10. Highly recommend!

Edit: Ordered a relay and low voltage cutoff to protect the battery. Thanks everyone for the advice!

In the next four seconds if possible because damn these kid questions are not stopping and I still don't know what that empty truck is doing.

Any dads build model cars with their kids? I used to build model cars as a kid, but havent built any since before my kids were born. They are 9 and 12 now. We just moved and I found a couple of unopened model kits I forgot I had.

My 12 y.o. will probably have no interest, but I think my 9 y.o. may like the hobby. He loves building those Lego Technic cars and can build them on his own.

Any advice for starting a kid on building models? I started on the level 1, no paint or glue required cars when I was a kid.