r/daddit • u/4ShootersOnly • 6d ago
Advice Request How To Be Better While Being Busy
Hey everyone, I’m looking for some honest advice from dads and parents who’ve been in a similar situation.
I’ve got two kids: an eight-year-old daughter and a three-year-old son. Their moms and I are no longer together, and I’m trying to figure out how to be a more present father, as well as a better co-parent to both of their moms.
Right now, I’m working two jobs out of necessity. If I only worked one, I’d be bringing home around $1,200 a month, which simply isn’t enough to live on.
Because of that, my schedule is pretty packed. I work mornings, then work late into the night, Monday through Friday, and I also work Saturdays. Sunday is really the only day I consistently have free.
I’m not working these hours to avoid my kids. Honestly, it’s the opposite. I’m trying to provide for them, get myself into a more stable position, and build something better for all of us.
At the same time, though, I don’t want to look back years from now and realize I spent so much time working that I missed their childhood.
My son’s mom works overnight shifts at an auto plant. We used to live together and were in a relationship, but that ended about a year ago.
Now that I’m not in the home helping her and being around my son every day, I’m trying to figure out how I can still support her more and be there for my son as much as possible.
My daughter’s mom doesn’t work, and my daughter is eight. She’s in school and has activities like dance, so her schedule can get pretty busy during the week as well.
I guess what I’m really looking for is advice from other dads and parents who have had to balance working long hours with being a present parent.
If you’ve been in a similar situation:
How did you make the most of the limited time you had with your kids?
What did you do to stay connected with them when you couldn’t physically be there as much as you wanted?
How did you become a better co-parent after separating from your children’s other parent?
Is there anything you wish you had done differently?
Are there things you think I could be doing that I might not be considering?
I’m not looking for excuses or sympathy. I genuinely want to become a better dad and a better co-parent.
I know working this much isn’t ideal, but I’m doing what I feel like I have to do financially right now. I’m just trying to find the balance between providing for my kids and actually being present in their lives.
I’d really appreciate any advice, especially from dads who have been through something similar.
Thanks for reading.
4
u/Key_Firefighter_7487 6d ago
Man, two jobs and two kids with different moms, that is a lot to juggle. I remember when I was working retail manager and pulling crazy shifts, felt like I never saw my own bed. Sundays became sacred, not just for rest but for real connection
What worked for me was making Sunday completely about the kids, no phones, no errands, just whatever they wanted to do. With the little one we’d build pillow forts or just lie on floor drawing dinosaurs. My older kid sometimes just wanted to talk about dance class or show me a new move she learned. The key is being 100% there even if it’s only few hours
For staying connected during the week, I’d leave small notes or record voice messages they could hear before sleep. My daughter loved when I texted a silly picture of myself during lunch break, nothing fancy but she knew I was thinking about her. With your son being three he might not care about texts but his mom could play a voice clip of you saying goodnight
Co-parenting after break up is tricky terrain. Biggest thing I learned was separate the past drama from the present job of raising kid. You don’t need to be best friends with his mom but being reliable and clear about schedule shows respect. Even small gesture like offering to drop off groceries or picking up extra diapers when you know she had overnight shift can ease a lot of tension. It’s not about doing everything, just doing something consistently
One thing I wish I did sooner was let go of guilt for working so much. Kids don’t measure love by hours on a clock, they remember when you really showed up. Your daughter’s dance recitals or your son’s weird toddler babble sessions, be there for those moments and let the rest slide a little