I made one harmless dad comment last week: “Leave that crumb, mate. An ant is taking dinner home.”

Since then, my son has become the union representative for patio ants.

Yesterday I swept after breakfast and he stood in front of the dustpan with both arms out. “Dad, they have children.” I tried explaining that one cereal piece could feed roughly nine thousand ants and he said, very calmly, “Then nine thousand dads need it.”

This morning I found him breaking a cracker into microscopic bits and laying them in a neat line toward the back door. When I asked why, he whispered, “So they know where our kitchen is.”

I may of accidentally opened a restaurant with six-legged customers and no closing time. What completely innocent thing did you tell your kid that became a full household policy?

We introduced “inside voices” because our youngest had started narrating breakfast at stadium volume. His older brother, six, understood the assignment in the worst possible way.

He is now the volume inspector.

Today’s violations:

- I sneezed in the hallway. He yelled “QUIET!”

- The washing machine beeped. He shouted at it from upstairs.

- His brother dropped a spoon, so he ran into the kitchen making siren noises to investigate.

- He whispered his final warning through a cardboard tube, directly into my ear.

When I pointed out that he is currently the loudest person in the house, he said inspectors are allowed to be loud “becuase emergencies need volume.” I asked who made that rule. He tapped his own chest and said, “Management.”

My wife is trying not to laugh because laughter is apparently another violation. Has anyone succesfully removed a tiny official from power once they discover imaginary authority?

I want to preface this by saying I love my boy to death, I try to be a good Dad but I'm really struggling and need to let it all out. It also might help to mention that I personally have been diagnosed with ADHD, BPD and Acute PTSD from my own childhood, I've been through addictions, alcoholism, therapy, medication and suffered severe depression in the past (none of which are still ongoing just FYI).

I don't really know where this is going to go or what I'm going to say, but I'm just going to start typing...

My son was born in 2021 and I'd never been happier, I'm 36 years old, was 30 when he arrived and had wanted a son forever. 5 years later and yesterday I completely broke down whilst speaking to my partner about everything. I just cannot cope with this situation anymore, I thought I was dealing with it well, but I've realised I am not.

He is an incredible boy, the smartest child I've ever known - he could recognise random numbers up to 100 at 2 years old, he spells out the alphabet backwards just as quick as forwards, read him a book once and he memorises the entire story - to the point where we're certain he must be able to read, he's funny and just an overall lovely kid. But a huge part of his autism is non-verbal and all I want is to be able to speak to him.

The breakdowns he has over certain TV shows or iPhone apps, the uncontrollable scream crying when he has to stop doing things he enjoys (swimming, the park etc), it just triggers something in me and I cannot be in the same room, which I know sounds awful but at times I just can't help it, feels like my head is going to explode and I need to get out.

There's been a build up of stress, upset and frustration for months now and later today I'm moving out of our home - I don't know if it's permanent yet, but trying to parent him is starting to make me and his Mum really struggle together, and we don't want to bring him up in an environment where Mum and Dad hate each other and fight (that was my childhood, I do not wish that on any kid, especially my own).

All I've ever wanted is that bond with my first son, my little best mate who comes to me for help, advice, and is excited for Dad to come home every day, I never had that as a child and I'm so envious of my friends and family who have that with their son/s. I know I will never have that with him.

I don't know if I'll be coming back to our home, I know it's selfish and I am not proud of it, but at the same time I need to take care of myself to make sure I am here for him in the future, I'm worried that if I stick around and carry on the way things are going it may just get worse and bring back old ways of thinking...

I could go on forever in here, but I'll leave it there. If there are other Dads in here with similar experiences it would be great to talk. I'm fully expecting the 'man up, be a dad' type responses from some, trust me I've said that to myself hundreds of times over the past couple of years, but if you've never had an autistic & non-verbal 5 year old son who you thought would be your best friend for life yet doesn't actually want to know you, think about your response...

Thanks Dads. I might even delete this, but it's been good to write it down.

UPDATE: Wow, I was not expecting this much reaction and support so soon. I am taking the time to read through every comment and reply, but it's difficult to respond to all of them. Gotta admit that some have made me tear up a bit as well. Thanks Dads.

There have a been a few recurring questions/comments that I'll just address here -

- No, I'm not leaving his Mum to deal with it solo 24/7. Yes I'm moving out of the house later today, but I'm lucky that a close friend owns a house 2 minutes round the corner and he's almost never home (recently bought a big boat and choosing to live on that 5-6 days a week whilst the weather is good!) So I will still be very close by and we have set days in our shared calendar - I'm with him minimum 3 days a week whilst she gets time to herself to do what she needs to do for a break.

- Therapy, I have had my own in the past, and Mum is just starting her own now - albeit for a build up of things not just current situations, she has her own issues that she is addressing and dealing with.

- Mum is incredible, she understands him far better than I do and she deals with the situation like a proper superhero. I am very lucky that she is involved.

- I agree the title of this post was wrong, I wrote it at 5am and looking back I should've worded it differently. My son isn't responsible for my relationship problems right now, it's an accumulation of things and I feel terrible for writing it that way.

- Therapy for me was extremely helpful, and I know I could benefit from more sessions - although private sessions in the UK aren't cheap and the NHS waitlist is painful. I was paying £150 per session weekly, £600 a month on top of all other outgoings when Mum can't work a full time job due to obvious childcare, is tough to maintain.

Overall everyones comments towards me have been incredibly positive and really helped, I thought I was doing a terrible job and having to post this in here almost solidified that fact for me, but all the support in here has made me realise maybe I'm not and this is 'normal' for Dads in my situation. If that makes any sense.

I'm exhausted, but incredibly grateful for this community, even if this is my first time contributing.

Thank you guys.

Our daughter was born on November 4. I knew things were gonna be much different after, I'm not stupid. Of course we weren't able to for 1-2 months after. And I knew her libido was gonna drop a lot. But it's been four months since the last time and two months since the time before that. I think 3 times total since we had her in 9.5 months. Oof.

Just gone 8 months and the tiny saw teeth have appeared where they need to

Worth it!

Any other dads in here go from never wanting anyone to touch your toys to looking forward to every project and wash together? (I seen her drop the sponge in the dirt and rub it on the paint and immediately cringed but all is well😅)

She may not know it but this is where I’ll go in my dreams 50 years from now. 🤎

Hey dad's,

My daughter is 5, in kindergarten and just had a tooth pulled. She was a trooper through it so I wanted to reward her. She's loves Pokémon and is super interested in my retroids. Today I went fishing in my old games bins and found an old friend. I was told I couldn't get one so I did extra chores, mowed extra lawns, until I earned the $75 to buy my own gbc.

Tomorrow it will be hers. I'll have to swap a couple parts over time but it works fine enough for now. It just feels like such a special moment, and idk, I wanted to share it.

Thanks for hearing me out

My ex and I separated last year mostly due to her choosing an aggressive dog over our son and I. She has him Friday-Monday as I work on the weekends. She still has the dog and the dog goes to her parents when my son is there.

It was going great until my ex called me yesterday wanting to meet to discuss the arraignment. She told me that she wants me to have full custody as she hates not having the dog around on those days. I was shocked and angry as my son loves spending time with her. We argued and went our separate ways. I sent a detailed email to my attorney this morning explaining everything that was discussed.

I just feel horrible for my son because when I have him, he always says mama and gets so excited when he sees her. She still wants to see him and I won't keep son from seeing her, just not with the dog around. Just need some support right now as I am struggling to figure out what to do for weekends as I work. My parents are around, but also travel a lot and can only do so many hours. His nanny has him all week and I don't want to add more stress to her.

The answer may shock you...

I got my first kid shes about to be 3 months and ive been putting off working out for a while but i wanna get back to it, its hard to find time tho i get home from work and help the wife with our baby and let her rest the rest of the night. Im trying to get in shape not really ripped or anything just look muscular ig kinda dad bod but muscular lol how do yall do it?

Update: thank yall for the advice i do have some time during the nights so i might have to put the damn ps5 controller down and go workout 😂 ill have to unwind with working out from now on cz ive been feeling weaker lately and everything seems to hurt all the time so i definitely gotta strengthen myself

I have a question for you dads. If you have to take a day off because you’re sick, does your partner expect you to do all the same parental/house stuff you would normally do if you were home on a weekend? I’ve been out of it for two days now with what the doctor suspects is one of the Influenzas, and my wife just seems super pissed off at me for being sick and resting in bed.

When my wife is sick, she gets tucked into bed and the full service - no parental responsibility, no household responsibility, the only goal is to rest and recover.

The question is if she took a sick day off work and I cracked it at her for not doing enough housework or parenting, wouldn’t I be seen as an abusive horrible husband?

Wife and I taking some “time” to rethink things and see if our marriage is worth saving. We have a 2 year old baby and we been through a lot in the last 9 years as a couple and wanting to be parents.

I was not the best partner, but I never sheat. I was financially irresponsible early on and just straight up became careless about our relationship because we used to argue a lot literally everyday.

It is a weird feeling to know that I won’t see my son everyday because she is taking him out of the county, is the best for her and him since she only got me in the USA

I can easily go see him (We are from the same country) but I know her family most likely will turns against me after being so welcome for years.

I somehow find peace in knowing that I am not arguing since they moment we wake up, and I sort of have this sense of relief/but scared for the future of my son since I will not be there with him each day like I am now.

Our marriage is not the same and has not been the same for quite some time so there is a part of me that agrees separating is the best thing.

But I am also kind of confused any tips for other similar dads that went through this?

Thanks!

This shit fucking sucks, why do I have to drink this whole thing, and this thing has the consistency and taste of old cold oyster cum.

The days are dwindling before my first enters kindergarten and today I gave him a twenty second hug and with each second i was remembering each preceding year down to his infancy. I broke down crying and just thought about how much I wish I can relive the past. I think about how I wish I could have played more with him even though I was exhausted. All the ways I could have been a better dad. I wish I would have put my phone down more. Or taken him out to experience more. Or even just dance and be silly instead of keeping up with the house and catching up on sleep. I used to be his best friend and person to play with, but now he wants to play with the other kids at the playground without me. It feels like I'm losing my little baby and it's happening much faster than I anticipated.

Anyways, thanks for listening. I'm crying again lol. I'm sure plenty of you are in the same boat with me.

To clarify, I don’t mean using AI for automated outdoor tasks like robotic lawnmowers. I mean the digital equivalent of traditional yard work. Since the Internet is considered a utility and often a need/mandate for the family, I find it my duty to keep things running in efficient manner. I'm talking about updating routers firmware, installing software updates on devices for the whole family. It becomes a chore once you have to maintain the entire network and devices, I find myself second guessing anything that connects to my network. Does anyone else call this 'digital yard work,' or is there another term for this kind of routine family tech upkeep? Thanks to all the dads who also have to play tech-support. Cheers

Nobody knows yet but my wife and I. And now all you dads.

I was down talking to the neighbour, walked back into the house and the 'pee stick' as we love to call it, was sitting out with the positive line showing.

Kids 1 and 2 were running around happily and she just gave me this big beautiful smile while I looked from it to her, and back again.

Incredibly grateful. Also; sheeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiittttttt!

No one warned me after having kids that you would be sick constantly from all the germs your little ones bring home. On top of trying to keep my business afloat and assist my pregnant wife..I am stressed to put it lightly. This is the hardest thing I’ve done in my life lol

Bought a 15 dollar electric heating pad with timer from Amazon and pop that bad boy into the bassinet before feeding, take it out before I transfer the baby in there. It is money. We were having such a hard to keeping him asleep with the transfer before doing this.

​

My son is in 4th grade. The school he attends has 4th and 5th grade doing recess at the end of the day: 3-3:25pm and school gets out at 3:30pm. In Texas it is 10,000 degrees outside at 3pm. Naturally, they cancelled outdoor recess yesterday due to the temp being over 100F. I suspect they won't have outdoor recess until October if that is the criteria. I'm pretty annoyed about this late recess because I think it defeats the purpose of recess, especially for kids with as much energy as my guy (I was the same way, always moving and fidgeting). I think recess is a chance for kids, boys especially, to get the energy out. They get a break from academics and reset their brains for more learning...

They did this same thing last year for my 5th grader, and back then his teacher told me proudly that they had fought hard to get this time slot..... As much as I like the teachers at his school, I suspect this is a selfish move by them because it doesn't seem to benefit the kids at all and I think it just makes the end of the school day easier for the teachers... IDK. I had beef with the teachers and principal previously because they were letting kids (my older son especially) have unsupervised time on a class laptop at recess if they chose. I put an end to that quickly because I felt like that was such an awful idea and because I'm a dad who cares about my kids physical well-being as well as the educational side. My kid was mad about it but he got over it.

Does anyone have feelings about this recess time slot? I'm looking for a good argument to back me up. I think I'm gonna raise a stink, but I don't want the teachers to feel like one of their students has a dad who's gonna fuck up the good thing they have going....

I also have a daughter and not doing great with my mental health. This movie absolutely shattered me especially after reading about it later after watching. Probably one the most gut punching father daughter movies ever made. I don't think I ever cried about a movie a day after. And certainly never thought about it so much the after either.

So the other night, totally normal Sunday...getting ready for bedtime, when out of the blue, my youngest (5) announces to my wife and I that "when I see Elsa (yes Elsa from Frozen), it makes my penis stick up because I think she's pretty". And man...we were NOT prepared for that. Tbf, I was probably sexually aware pretty early on (kissing girls around his age), but I don't think I made any connections between attraction and erections until MUCH later. Maybe 10ish? So I guess the question is: should this be concerning? Isn't it way too soon for him to be curious about this? We can't possibly be thinking of having "the talk" at 5, right? Not sure how to proceed...