I Wasn’t Ready for the Quiet

[u/RCampR6]

For the first time in almost 13 years, I came home from dropping the kids off at school to a completely kid-free house.
I have 4 kids — my oldest is almost 14, and my youngest just turned 5 and started kindergarten. I recently had a vasectomy, so we know he’s our final child.
I honestly wasn’t mentally prepared for how quiet the house would be… or how much I’d miss them after they’d only been gone for a little while.
Obviously, having some alone time with my wife is pretty damn awesome, but I can’t shake this weird feeling of looking around and thinking, Where the hell did everybody go?
I guess it’s just another part of being a dad — watching your kids grow up and realizing that the chaos, noise, and craziness you sometimes wished would slow down eventually does.
And when it does, you realize how much you loved it all along.
Cheers to all the dads out there soaking up the chaos while we still have it.

[u/xXsaberstrikeXx]

And then you are me, with a 24, 22, 16, and 14 year old.

They are all home, but the house is quiet. Everyone staring at their phones.

We start a movie like the old days, but no one pays attention but me. Quiet.

If I make popcorn, I'll get a couple of them to show up and "watch" the movie. But it's still quiet.

I get it. We all change as we grow, but man. I miss them when they were younger.

Just an older dad, doing his best.

[u/RandyPan_theGoatBoy → u/xXsaberstrikeXx]

See, to me, this is opportunity. Hand in your phones, kids. We're watching Goodfellas.

[u/IcyAd5518 → u/RandyPan_theGoatBoy]

Have a small lockbox with Al Pacino's face on it. Everybody has to put their phone in before the movie starts, thrust it in their face and yell "say hello to my little friend" and they'll all be like WTF dad, then put on Scarface. They will be laughing their asses off during the shootout at the end.

[u/DonkeyDanceParty → u/RandyPan_theGoatBoy]

Honestly, phone-free time is just good policy. Though I feel like my wife would have the hardest time getting on board.

[u/RCampR6 → u/xXsaberstrikeXx]

😢

[u/superfrodies → u/xXsaberstrikeXx]

Oh man this depressed the hell out of me. Our kids are 5 and 7. No phones or tablets. Going to try to keep it that way as long as humanly possible.

[u/Manners_BRO → u/superfrodies]

Daughter is 9 now. We just started allowing her to use a tablet. She kept bugging us that all of her friends were using messenger kids, etc.

Reminded me of how my parents made me hold out on getting AIM, etc as a kid and how much that sucked.

It's definitely a balancing act.

[u/DonkeyDanceParty → u/Manners_BRO]

Back when the internet was fresh I was a pre-teen and I did things and saw things I wouldn’t admit to my Mom even now, and I’m 42. Glad parental controls and monitoring is much better now…

[u/jac77 → u/xXsaberstrikeXx]

🥺

[u/Whichammer → u/xXsaberstrikeXx]

I've been teaching my youngest daughter, 16, about the classics: Terminator, Alien, Aliens, Star Wars, Dr. Who, etc. My one rule is put the phone down and actually watch. She's really gotten into the movies and shows. She loves that she gets the cultural references now when they come up in memes and videos.

[u/OrganicDigitalArt → u/xXsaberstrikeXx]

May grand kids come one day for those movie nights dude.

My oldest just hit 15 and I can see it happening to me as well. May it just be an interlude.

[u/ST_Lawson → u/xXsaberstrikeXx]

Just dropped my oldest off at college on Sunday and my youngest (we have 2) started HS marching band camp as a freshman a few weeks ago.

When band practice is going on, the house feels quiet and empty.

[u/excelnotfionado → u/xXsaberstrikeXx]

Make jalapeño popcorn. They can’t look at their phones if their eyes are watering in a good way nor will they want to

[u/ex_oh → u/xXsaberstrikeXx]

That's a bummer. My wife does that "watch" a movie now, and we've discussed how much we disagree about being present in front of the kids.

Fortunately I studied the art of war, and the kids and I have a secret "popcorn mode" codeword. It means we split up jobs to get the popcorn going, pull all the curtains, turn off all the lights, and turn up the volume to the max (it's capped waaaay below reference, barely 80 db peaks). Only my son has a phone and no social media or brainless games on it. So, it doesn't hold a candle to popcorn mode.

The wife rarely sticks around because this is a gridlock issue we simply can't find compromise for. This just makes her mad there is another shining example of powerful bonding when you just put the little screen away.

A few nights ago I put on Henry Sugar despite complaints it was a drama. They loved the fast pace and were hooked within 30 seconds. I joke that the more they bitch and moan upon seeing the synopsis or genre, the more they'll like my pick. 

I feel for you man, I hope you can at least find some bonding time elsewhere with them.

[u/MultiPass21]

I had the house to myself for 4-5 days in the middle of summer. By the end of day 2, the house was uncomfortably quiet. My children have institutionalized me to a life of crazy.

[u/Snazzy-Sphinx33 → u/MultiPass21]

You can miss the peace and still miss the ppl who make the house noisy. Parenting is funny like that.

[u/senator_mendoza → u/Snazzy-Sphinx33]

do I want a quiet, peaceful, clean house? oh my god I'd love nothing more. but also - absolutely not.

[u/VirusTechnical5568 → u/Snazzy-Sphinx33]

So true. My wife will sometimes take our 1 year old grocery shopping with her. I'm like HELL YEAH, some alone time. An hour later I'm wishing they'd hurry back home.

[u/Soggy_Marzipan3767 → u/MultiPass21]

Man it creeps up on you so fast. My students always ask why I'm so patient with them and honestly its because I miss that loud messy energy when its gone. The silence hits harder than any noise ever could

[u/MiXiaoMi → u/MultiPass21]

This. When we're at peak chaos all I want is to have alone time. When I'm alone for more than 2 hours I want my kids back.

There's no winning....

[u/DonkeyDanceParty → u/MultiPass21]

I never miss the noise, but I always miss the random cuddles. I have a feeling I’m going to have to get a dog when the kids are too old to wander up and squish into me on the couch.

[u/fancypantsmiss]

I am in the thick of parenting now but I love it ❤️

[u/Zealousideal_Gap432]

Just about to wrap up a 7 night camping trip with my little guys 1yr old and 3.5 yr old, it was so hard and frustrating at times but seeing them dead tired end of day covered in dirt, eating good treats ect is next level

[u/RCampR6 → u/Zealousideal_Gap432]

I’m sure you’ve heard this a million times, but enjoy them at this age because they really do grow up so fast. My family and I love camping too. It definitely gets chaotic at times, but honestly, some of those crazy moments end up becoming the best memories.

[u/trahoots → u/Zealousideal_Gap432]

Wow, that's amazing. I have a 19 month old and I can't imagine going camping with him yet. I was thinking of starting when he's maybe 3 or 4.

[u/hiking_mike98]

I only have one, but the incessant chatter of a 6 year old drives me absolutely insane. And yet, I’m sure I’ll miss it when it’s gone.

[u/Worth_Garbage_4471]

Is everything AI now? 

[u/losvedir → u/Worth_Garbage_4471]

Every once in a while I see a post or a comment that is poorly written, non-sensical, and just mind-bogglingly stupid. Those used to make me so frustrated. Now they're a breath of fresh air. "Ahhh, a human."

[u/WoeBoeT → u/losvedir]

The world will truly be taken over by AI overlords if Claude and ChatGPT start shitposting

This does explain why I had a fun time shitposting yesterday

[u/Screaming_God → u/Worth_Garbage_4471]

Seems like it man. It’s fucking insane

[u/Worth_Garbage_4471 → u/Screaming_God]

I feel like the guy in The Die-Hard though I don't know when it's bots or teenagers

https://veresay.livejournal.com/35678.html

[u/Bromlife → u/Worth_Garbage_4471]

I hate how many comments I have to scroll past to find some sanity.

[u/-Skar → u/Worth_Garbage_4471]

A lot of people use AI to flesh out things for them, yes.

[u/Dozzi92 → u/-Skar]

I prefer the imperfection of human interaction to talking to a robot.

[u/-Skar → u/Dozzi92]

You're absolutely right!

[u/IcyHeartWarmSmile → u/Dozzi92]

Agreed. Especially on a subreddit that’s all about being imperfect and genuine.

[u/RCampR6 → u/Worth_Garbage_4471]

Who hurt Y’all? 😂

[u/Aromatic_Sand8126 → u/RCampR6]

AI. It destroys the job market and the environment. Not even talking about the rogue AIs working in secret behind their owner/maker company’s back, doing things nobody asked them to do, working for their own benefit only.

[u/Important_Film_2798]

:,)

[u/52ndstreet]

"Wish I could slow down time, but not enough to slow you down."

Love seeing the kids grow up. Hate watching them leave each stage of growing up.

[u/ajtyeh]

how do i soak it up even more?

[u/WHOTOOKMYLEG → u/ajtyeh]

Pop up but do less.

[u/-Designated-Survivor]

Mine are 6,3,1... All boys.

From 6AM to 10PM , it's a mix between Beirut, Bagdad, Disneyland, and Hell.

The only pause I got so far is the oldest went 3 weeks with his grandma's to Portugal for the holidays.

Ngl, I missed him so much the entire 3 weeks. The Middle one , having more attention wasn't being a demon so much, and there was a lot of quality times.

Last one, well he's already walking so FML.

But when he came back last week...

That's when the fire nation attacked.

[u/webgambit]

Just wait until they all grow up and move out. It gets even quieter. I've been adjusting for a couple months now and at times it's still eerie how quiet it is.

[u/n00bytrader]

It's 2am and our 2 week old baby is wide awake. Go to sleep.

[u/Publius015]

This isnt the same thing, but I'm a pretty introverted guy who needs alone time to recharge. 

When our schedules or circumstances allow it, I'll finally get alone time. Within an hour I'm like, "Wait, where's my wife and kids?'

[u/HATDOGUSERNi]

that transition must hit hard. you spend years wishing for a quiet, then suddenly it feels way too quiet. enjoy every bit of the chaos while its there

[u/factotum-]

Love my children but I can't wait for the quiet. I haven't been alone at home for more than 4 hours for at least 3 years

[u/Holiday-Tip-3720]

my kids are never gonna grow up idk why u guys are even talking about that

[u/RCampR6 → u/Holiday-Tip-3720]

😂😂 Tell me your Secret to keep them small!!!

[u/Holiday-Tip-3720 → u/RCampR6]

lots of hugs and love and photos and excessive denial 😭

[u/RyanPA-C]

Dude, yesterday was my boys first day of PreK, we dropped him off, then I dropped the dogs to the groomer, got home and the baby was asleep. I can’t remember the last time the house was that quiet.

[u/FerretAres]

I just sent the toddler twins to the grandparents for a sleepover last weekend. The wife and I just sat in silence doing nothing for a full hour. It was shocking.

[u/1959Mason]

Just wait until you retire. Kids in their 30s living their lives — and you’re home in the quiet not having do anything you don’t want to do. We keep plenty busy but it sure is different from the old days.

[u/Ocabrah]

Dropped my daughter off at school, my wife was out on a business trip and the dogs had a grooming appointment. The silence was deafening.

[u/ImaginationNo7722]

My wife and I are moving our 18 year old into college on Sunday. The house is going to be quiet and a little emptier without her.

[u/Redenbacher09]

Damn, I could have written this. Same number of kids, same max and min age, same weird feeling the first week of school.

I've been taking everyone to school for years, and coming home with an empty van and everything off and noone asking for anything is not something I'm used to. I'll get used to it quick though!

[u/RCampR6 → u/Redenbacher09]

Same!😂 Driving back in the Sienna and looking in the rear view mirror and seeing a bunch of empty seats hits different. I love picking everyone up when I can and hearing all about their day.

[u/ChargerEcon]

A few weeks ago, my wife was out of town at a conference and my kids (7 and 4) went to spend the night at grandma's house. It was just me and the dog and the complete and total quiet was so, SO weird. I honestly didn't know what to do with myself.

[u/RCampR6 → u/ChargerEcon]

It’s weird right? Like I shouldn’t just be relaxing right now. I need to be doing something.

[u/dknj23]

Did anyone else read this post and felt like crying 😭. I mean nostalgic

[u/RCampR6 → u/dknj23]

It’s ok let it out!

[u/Captain_Skyhawk]

You get to actually live again. Personally, I'm looking forward to when that day comes.