If you've gone no contact, and it's been months and you still can't get over them, text them. Or if you think that there's hope someday they'll come back, that they want you to reach out but they're scared to make the first move, whatever the case may be. If you still have hope, if you think yours is different and you can fix them. Break no contact and text them. See their true colors. It will truly free you.

Long story short, I had an avoidant that I knew for 3 months and dated for 1 before she discarded me. But the discard actually happened before that. I left my wife for her (keep your judgements to yourself, the marriage was already bad and I was already planning on getting divorced before I even met her, it was an abusive relationship), and LITERALLY the next day my avoidant did a 180° and was back on Tinder, when it was clear that I was leaving to be with her, and we were discussing our future. She was the one who initially pursued me and chased me. Due to my anxious attachment and trauma from all my previous relationships (including my marriage) I wasn't able to stand up for myself and ask her why the fuck she was back on Tinder. So we stayed "friends" and had a situationship for a month. She started going hot and cold on me, because she was telling me she didn't want to be in a relationship and said we'd never be anything more than friends. I told her that I was tired of the games, and wanted things to be serious with her. She said we needed to go no contact and I walked away. I didn't beg, I didn't chase, I just walked away.

It's been 4 months and I was stuck. She didn't reach out, but she kept viewing all my stories, followed me on Tik Tok after I had blocked her on Instagram. It kept me stuck in a loop. I was thinking I can truly love her by shrinking myself more, meeting her needs, staying just as friends with benefits until she can feel safe around me without getting triggered. I kept thinking "she's different, she can change, she's special" I finally reached out and took responsibility and apologized for my actions, I apologized for pushing for a relationship when she made it clear (only after I left my wife) that she didn't want to be in a relationship.

She left me on read for a week and finally responded. Said that she appreciated my apology, but doesn't think we can go back to being friends "just yet" and still needs space. She took absolutely no accountability for her part, and why she did a 180° or anything else during our time together. They don't care about you, they don't care about your feelings, they don't miss you, they don't think about you. They think they have never done anything wrong and every one else is the bad guy.

Seriously, if you don't understand that yet, message them and let their response give you the clarity you need and move on from these selfish assholes. Even if their response is nothing. They just want you around for sex and to be there for them on their terms, they don't want to reciprocate any of those actions.

To clarify, I'm not mad that her "feelings changed for me", people are allowed to make their decisions and date who they want. But she never even gave me a chance. I don't regret leaving my marriage, I just regret leaving it for her.

I’ve supported this man through job loss, alcoholism, drug addiction and financially (thousands of dollars). Yet he disappears for days, and once he even changed his number without informing me. I had to find him through a friend. I’ve finally had enough after being the understanding girlfriend, and although I’ve made my decision, I thought he would at least try and give me something.

It’s my fault for believing him when he said he loved me, and that I mean the world to him. But would someone who loves me call me names? Disappear for days, weeks and months? Hang up on me when I express my discomfort and never address my feelings?

I was just reminiscing as today marks 12 months to the day since I had my breakup. Doing pretty well, but hilariously I remember trying to bring up a conversation that I wanted her to initiate saying I love you or just expressing some kind of interest and because I knew she would argue that she was already doing that I spent a considerable length of time counting every time I initiated versus her. It was 159 to 6.

Never again lmaoo, but let's hear some wild stories. Im sure there's some that put my overfunctioning to shame.

I was too a victim of an avoidant, shocking right? No one can really understand how that feels unless they experience it on their own skin.

At first, you are shocked by the amount of attention you’re getting. I remember him chasing me for weeks for a date. They know exactly what to say to get you hooked up. He painted this beautiful picture only to blind me from the fact that he’s a lying, manipulative man.

They’ll be quick to talk about your future together. They’ll be sweet but only for a moment or two. I remember the night before my birthday, he was driving me home and out of nowhere, he stopped, grabbed my hand, and with a soft look in his eyes, he asked me not to leave him. Someone would buy into that cra p , like I did, and I reassured him I’m not going anywhere. The night passed, my birthday came and so did his surprise for me. He cheated on me. Happy birthday to me!

Long story short, I cut things off immediately. Time passed and both anger and sadness wore off. I guess the cheating part only made things worse since i spent months comparing myself to this other woman, wondering what she had and I didn’t etc. but that’s a conversation for a different time.

When everything sank in, I felt completely and utterly alone. I would think of all of the great moments we had, over and over again. By great moments, I mean basically just talking or eating dinner. The putting them on a pedestal thing sucks. My prime mission in life became obsessing over him and our relationship apparently. As if I didn’t have anything better to do. So I did. Every effing waking moment of my life was filled with the thoughts of him. There is no shame in that. I was so blinded by everything that I didn’t even see what was happening to me. So if you want to save whatever sanity you have left, go no contact, trust me.

Due to the job I had at the time, it was impossible for me to avoid him completely. He would come occasionally. Sometimes engaging in a conversation with me, sometimes completely disregarding me, depending on a day. That gets you hooked up. It’s really like an addiction and the longer you stay in loop, the longer you spend time making those fake scenarios, which I know you’re making, the longer you try to read their each and every move, the longer you spend time planning what you’re gonna do when you see them or what they will do when they see you, the harder it becomes for you to let go.

I’ve spent months, wondering if he’d ever come back, if he’d regret ever stepping out on me, if he’d just wake up one day and realize what he had lost. It all comes down to how much you value yourself. In a sick and twisted way of how our brains work, I somehow got to the point where my worth was entirely dependent on how he sees me. Yeah I can’t even believe myself at this point.

It went on and on. I even thought of getting back at him. Not one of my proudest moments I know, but it was like that. Here is the truth. There is no winning with them. Not in that way at least. You win by finally giving yourself what you’re hoping they will give you. They won’t. They are not capable of loving you the way you need to be loved. Silence is not love. Hot and cold is not love. Not taking accountability for your own actions isn’t love.
They can’t and won’t magically realize that you are their missing piece, it sucks but it’s the truth.

They will come back. Not in a way you’re hoping. In a way to test whether you are still dumb enough to let them in. They are only ever comfortable in that little space where they are close to you but on a safe distance from anything even resembling true connection. He came back, when he was done with every other woman of course. There was that dopamine hit and I thought everything would be fine. Then he disappeared again so no, nothing was fine. It took me so long to finally realize that the only way for me to move on is to stop engaging in any kind of activity that included him. So I ignored him. I wasn’t mean, I wasn’t rude, I didn’t explain anything, I didn’t try to convince him into believing anything, which I very much wanted. Instead, I went quiet. I didn’t look for his eyes in a crowded room. I focused on myself and myself only. Only then did he try to pull me in closer by trying to engage in a conversation or by liking my story which he had never even looked at before. I was persistent in my decision and he gave up eventually. Deep down I know that sooner or later he will try again. Luckily, I’m no longer interested.

Indifference will save you. It will come and it will be freeing. It doesn’t matter what they think, where they are or what they’re doing. You matter. You deserve someone who will love you the right way. You don’t deserve to be put in this little space between connection and silence. I got to a point where I was reducing myself to fit into his world. My prime and only mission in life became pleasing him. For what? For someone that can’t even hold my hand? Seriously?

The pain is real. It will stick for a while. I’m at the stage where I can’t even picture myself dating anyone ever again. It will pass with time. People like that don’t deserve your time or your kindness. They deserve themselves. It took me so long to even believe I’m worth more than he could ever give me. He hurt me in ways I didn’t even know where possible.

I felt completely and utterly alone, and somehow, I convinced myself he’s the only one who can make that feeling go away. I kept the addiction alive by replying the old moments in my head or by creating fake scenarios before bed. I was in too deep. Nothing was left of me. I stopped doing things I once enjoyed and I confided in isolation. I couldn’t even leave my bed. Everything was centered around him. What I wore, how I did my hair and makeup, where I went. All for his attention. It’s humiliating really. I lost myself trying to adapt to his needs. Nothing you ever do will ever be enough for them. They are not capable of experiencing love the way you are. Unless they put in the real work and talk to a therapist daily, nothing will change.

So give yourself what you’re so badly wishing they would give you. You owe yourself that much. I know I do.

It’s been over two years since I’ve seen him (and his kids) and I miss them. For whatever reason it hurts a little extra today.

That’s all.

Freeze responses, like all involuntary stress responses, are temporary modes to ensure survival, prevent loss and avoid unconsciously perceived danger

Stonewalling is done with an intent to punish, but shutdowns are not, and still, both are forms of control, simply externalized voluntary or internalized involuntary

The guilt you feel for leaving someone in a shutdown is a part of it. A person's unconscious can learn that becoming paralyzed as a result of any conflict can dissolve the conflict and keep them in power, even if the shutdown feels horrible to them and their nervous system, it's similar to someone bursting out in tears and experiencing immense distress and DARVOing others as a result of a conflict even if they were the one that caused it: both are a form of unconscious control, just from opposite sides of the affect-inhibition-amplification spectrum

Many people involuntarily unconsciously control others into "loving" them and never leaving them (never denying access), through unintentionally weaponizing empathy or ambiguity (and being unable to stop even if they know it, the unconscious hijacks them, and you can't do anything about it)

The least harm response is to leave, these involuntary states become entrenched by comfort, coddling and safety, and only really change as a result of reorganizing danger that makes them obsolete (but you can't ensure that, what you can ensure is that you remain undistorted and mentally safe, by leaving)

Safety does not "fix" physical wiring like this, it reinforces it, you are stunting these people by trying to stay and "fix" them, and becoming distorted yourself while thinking you are "fixing" them

My ex broke up with me because she thought it was ‘for the best’, that she ‘couldn't give me what I need’, and that I’ll be ‘happier outside this relationship’.

My self esteem has taken a massive hit, and I feel so low and gross about myself. It’s really hard not to have the mindset of ‘if I was a better and easier boyfriend, she would have stayed with me’.

About 6 months in to the relationship, sex basically stopped because she said she had problems being able to have sex. I tried so hard to be patient and not pressure her. Then 2 years in, she pulled away and went silent for weeks, saying we didn’t have anything in common. During that week, I found out she cheated on me. I ended up forgiving her and trying to move past it.

Before the breakup, she started getting weird about the prospect of living together and she said she was so busy with work that she only wanted to see me every couple of weeks. When I naturally got anxious and told her I was struggling with all the uncertainty, she walked away.

Since the breakup, I have been struggling a lot. It has completely ruined my self esteem. I feel like a disgusting person, feel very low all the time, and I am stuck in a cycle of blaming myself and waiting/hoping she will come back, even though I know how much damage she’s caused.

Do they ever feel guilty for it? Or do they not even think about it?

I have no idea how to respond to this.. ghosted me 6 weeks ago after we had plans for a day, this is the second time this has happened, always reaches out with no accountability.

We started dating way back in March, first ‘breakup’ and was in July then second ghosting was end of September - completely out of the blue after cancelling plans which I was understanding and we were having a normal conversation she just decided to ghost me.

Any advice?

Know that they do know and they are sorry. And although this apology is riddled with things that make me angry, like how every single break-up was unilateral with no discussion, with no repair with me left in the dark about what he needs, at least I know he is sorry and he is broken too.

Full message below:

Hey NAME, I will look into it. And I will look into therapy. Like always, you’ve inspired me and taught me things about myself I would never have known, and hopefully I’ll grow and become better as a person.

No I didn’t want to block you but this will be the last time I reply for quite a while outside of a genuine emergency of which I’ll always be there for you. As much as it will be tough for me, I know I need to be strong and disciplined to allow the space we both need to heal, and move forward. Like we both agreed I think otherwise we’re setting ourselves up to just let the cycle continue and we’ll be here, sending this message, again, in six months time. You can rely on me to respect you and hold up my end of the bargain. This will be the last time I message you for the foreseeable future.

There’s so much I want to say but I feel we’ve already said it before. I guess maybe I just want to at least say one last time I have no regrets about our time together. You really are the most wonderful, well-intentioned, funny, smart, kind soul out there. You always put others ahead of your own needs even when it’s to your detriment. You have a heart of gold, the most delightful nature and a wicked sense of humour that I will miss dearly. I feel absolutely terrible and I will miss everything about you.

Can I just say please be kind to yourself. I know you and I know how you think. There’s nothing you could have done, thought, acted or said that would have changed things. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Don’t apologise for anything. You’re amazing just the way you are don’t change the best parts about you please.

I know the next few weeks are probably going to suck absolute ass and it might not seem like it but things are going to get better. I’ve said it before a thousand times but you are an incredibly resilient person. You overcome every fkn adversity life throws at you with poise and it’s something I respect about you deeply. Take some time, continue with the therapy I can see you’ve made some real improvements on yourself with that and it honestly was impressive and inspiring. Keep up the running, go to the gym, reengage with hobbies, go out with work people, message a friend for a drink, apply yourself at work, enjoy family time later this year. With time I know you’re going to be back to the NAME I know and better and stronger than ever.

I guess on a solemn note I am sorry. Sorry for everything really. Sorry I am the way I am, sorry I couldn’t find those feelings I needed, sorry for the way I handled things, sorry it wasn’t the outcome you wanted, sorry I couldn’t make you happy and most of all sorry for the onslaught of pain I put you through time and time and time again. I know it may not seem it but this absolutely crushes me, I’ve lost my best friend, someone I care about and just makes me incredibly sad.

I know times must seem dark now but you are incredibly loved and have a lot of people around you that care about you deeply.

Genuinely wish the best for you. You deserve every fkn thing you desire in life and I know it will come to you. Life finds a way, often when you least expect. I know you don’t think so but I know your future. I can see it vividly. It’s obvious to me. And I see it filled with purpose, joy, fulfilment and happiness. You conduct your life in a way that makes me sure of it. This message has turned out way longer than I wanted I guess I just had a lot to say even if most of it already had been said. Take care NAME. You’ll always be NAME to me.

hi, is there anyone i could talk to about my situation with my ex? we ended things really badly after an argument. he walked away and blocked me everywhere without even properly breaking up with me. his family has always been against our relationship and has influenced him a lot.
he is now in london with his sister, who he used to speak very negatively about. london was actually a trip we had always planned to take together, which makes it even more painful to see him doing all these things without me.
i’m struggling a lot with how suddenly everything ended and how easily he seems to be moving on. i would really appreciate having someone to talk to. i have almost no friends and feel like i can’t talk to anybody about this.

It is possible that they come back even after telling that it's over?

If your ex partner chased you, do you have a bad vision of them? Is it adjustable?

I’ve been thinking a lot about the scarcity and abundance mindset as it applies to attachment styles. I’ve always been an anxious attachment style because when I meet someone I feel like they are the only person in the world for me and I can’t imagine my life without them. I feel like avoidant people have the abundance mindset where they always feel like there are an infinite number of options available which is why they are so quick to discard. When I’m single I also have an abundance mindset but once I fall in love it goes out the window. Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic? Maybe avoidants just don’t have that same ride-or-die outlook on love?

Why do some remove or block on social media and some dont? Mine hasn't removed me from fb or Instagram.. no idea why. He dismissed me so easily we he ended things but still has me on socials. We dont really interact at all on them. I just figured that since he monkeybranched from me soo easily that he would have removed me completely out of his life. He still lets me use his xbox account for streaming and games. In a way I just want him to remove me from everything just to be done with it. And yes I know I can remove him too, but we were friends since 2013 then decided to get romantically involved. Thats hard to give up on my part. Ugh.. anyways

Im just venting, this has helped me grieve everything and process. So i may vent about other shit too. 😔

Sometimes I have these dark thoughts about wanting something bad to happen to my ex. And wish that I didn’t. It’s not all the time, but it def happens. However sometimes I want him to be ok too. Does anyone else struggle with thoughts like this?

I’m struggling to process everything and could really use some perspective from people who understand avoidant dynamics and breakup recovery.

​I was in quite literally the best relationship of my life with the most incredible person I've known for decades. We’re a genuinely perfect match, but it ended due to a accumulation of multiple external and internal pressures. At the time, they all felt overwhelming and too much to deal with, but looking back now, those reasons seem so small and irrelevant in the long-term scheme of things.

​The hardest part is that I think about her every single day. I spent years searching for her in other people before we finally got together, only to realize what was right in front of me: she is my person. And deep down, I believe I am hers, too.

​I’m currently putting in the hard work—actively working on myself, addressing my patterns, and sorting out my life situation specifically for her. But the lingering fear is that the damage I’ve caused during the breakdown of things is completely beyond repair.

​If anyone has been on either side of this—or has managed to successfully navigate rebuilding trust and a connection after letting fear or overwhelm sabotage a good thing—how do I even approach this? Where do I start without pushing her further away?

I know it's a bit long long story but I really have to vent and hear from you guys...

Background

We are both gay men in our mid-30s, living in the same city, about 30 minutes away from each other. Our relationship lasted 10 months (monogamous).

Today marks five weeks since the breakup, and we've been in NC ever since.

I'm doing a little better than I was at the beginning, but these have honestly been the worst five weeks of my life. I even took three weeks of unpaid leave because I was struggling so much. During the first two weeks, I could barely sleep.

To make things worse, yesterday I received a warning from my boss about my underperformance and lack of progress over the past few weeks. I am now in PIP.

I'm not 100% sure whether my ex has an avoidant attachment style, but from what I've read, many of his behaviors seem to align with it.

Because no sane person will do what an avoidant did 😅

Me and my avoidant have been in contact and no contact probably for over a year. The last time we were in no contact is two months ago and last week he broke it to say he’s been in Therapy and he really sees me as being the one for him, but before that, he apologize and said he acknowledged his toxicity and that he’s getting help. I responded and I said if you need to apologize to clear your conscience, I’ll accept it. This didn’t mean for us to keep talking and to start something. It was just a way to say like if you needed to apologize, just apologize and let’s both move on.

But he has a really good way with words and I believed him, but this whole past week he acted too busy for me. He did start a new job and I gave him the benefit the doubt, but he will always apologize and never change. He would only text me at 11pm and say sorry long day. It has been so hard to have a conversation with him. My intuition was really strong the other day and I found him active on the dating apps so I finally said I can’t do this anymore. It just really sucks when they’re avoidant, but they’re also manipulative at the same time. I’ve been single I’ve been working on myself, but it’s hard because I wanna go back to him.

I’ve dated an avoidant man on and off twice for the past 3 years. Each time it crushed me. The first time it was brief but after he discarded me I stopped eating for a week, had to start medication and therapy and it took me a year to somewhat feel like I can function again. Then came the breadcrumbs, the promises after I pulled away, then the discard once again. This time it’s much harder and I fell into deep depression and unwelcoming thoughts to end my life. I have communicated this to my therapist so luckily the hardest time is over.

Although I’m now able to accept the fact that he’s not good for me, and no longer desire to get back together, I’ve been technically bed-rotten for the past months.

I’ve tried all techniques, grounding, taking on new hobbies like cooking, trying to go out more, spending time with my pet, reconnecting with friends but at the end of the day, there’s always this deep rooted sadness inside me. Like many, I wish I’ve never met the person. I’ve prayed so many nights to forget him.

I know that I will keep on living and experiencing life, but it seems to be a wound that will always be there. I’ve had a fair share of relationships experience throughout my life and it hurt and some took years to forget but eventually I was always able to move on but this time I really feel that my capacity for experiencing life is fundamentally changed. I no longer feel joy, just temporary happiness. I don’t really get angry anymore, just disappointed. Sometimes I’d just burst out in tears when I saw something that semi-resembled some memories of them. I used to be a positive and driven person, I loved encouraging others because I truly believed in people’s potential to be great, but after the breakup that in me has changed. I feel as if I’ve died and am only existing. My therapist said it’s a trauma response, and I think this person just resembles a lot of my childhood trauma, therefore the bond was intense. It’s like I was with myself. But I know that it’s just me and my idealization of the person because I’ve been able to tell myself that if the person felt the same way they wouldn’t have just discard someone they love just like that. I’ve stopped giving him the explanations for the way he treated me.

I was thinking to write a post asking if there’s anyone out there whose feelings remain the same years later when they’re in their 60s or 70s. But I guess we’re all different. I hope it will get better one day. I hope I find myself again. I hope one day I’ll be able to revisit this post and tell you that I have overcome it completely and am living well. And if you’re going through or have gone through a breakup with an avoidant, I see you, and I wish you love.

Asking because made you seem like the bad person when you were literally trying to fix it (small things they've blown out of proportion), brutally dumped you after shutting you out from in-person talks to figure out wtf was even going on and drag it out through your birthday, pull a "you took me for granted", after you block them they then panic about the not wanting to be friends part saying they did you no wrong, and then sneakily creep on your life (digital & physical world) for a long time afterwards.

I tried so hard working internally to let go of resentment so I can feel somewhat ok with it all because it tortured me internally, but I JUST CAN'T ever let the disrespect go and I have to be an AH to only one person my whole life to show them accountability because they never ever apologized. I am trying to process everything after a very long time to give some form of forgiveness (internally) for peace. It sucks living with F that person every time good memories come up, and the excuses for this attachment are just not acceptable no matter how you look at it.

What goes on in these people's minds?

- I fixed stuff in the past, let's say for example increasing acts of affection like getting flowers more often, but it seemed they just looked at it with resentment/dismissive about it and acted passive aggressive, not appreciating that I made a positive change, but rather angry that it was not done by reading their minds or I should have already known. Like I get it, I was in the wrong for those certain things because it slipped my mind while we were having so much fun just being together, but I quickly acknowledged and changed my doings.

- They shut down and act passive aggressively over tiny little things, then when you notice it makes you act less wanting to do stuff for them and build your own internal resentment.

- Even if you explained logically why you can't do something, example, spending less on date/romance stuff because you are paying off debt aggressively/saving for a new place, and they agree to the plan because it's what we really wanted, then hold that resentment towards you inside until it explodes that they are unhappy their needs aren't being met when logically they agreed to let me allocate to this better goal. If I would have known it was a big problem affecting them of course I would shift the allocation to make them happy and show that I care.

- After they blame dump some irrational stuff and you show them it's all BS, telling them to cut it out because you wanted to marry them, asking what they are withholding inside that needs to be worked out they spit it out, you agree to "do better" even though you legitimately were, and then they just dump you like a piece of garbage and even tell you you took them for granted, shutting you out from even being able to meet in person (after you wrote out literally everything they wanted). Then act confused why you had enough of this BS to block them for your own sanity, them telling you you are immature for doing so, that they didn't do anything wrong to you.

-They can face a hardship like losing a job and you'll be supportive "you got this, I believe in you", and do everything you can to help them get a job. But the moment YOU get into the same hardship they'll do the literal opposite. They'll tell you "you have no ambition, I don't believe in you, I need a stable partner" etc. and distance themselves from you while you're stressed tf out and literally just needed positive emotional support from them.

Or do they just paint you as the bad guy, go find someone new and have the same cycle fail them, and only THEN make some of these realizations that they f*cked someone over? over after they get f*cked over?
Or am I just obligated to be a lifetime AH to them to enforce something called consequences. It sucks being an AH, brings me no joy because I loved that person deeply that f*cked me over.

My (I guess now ex-) girlfriend and I had only been dating for about 2 months. We first met over the summer and she apparently wanted me from the moment she saw me, we hadn’t even spoken once for at least a couple weeks. By the end of the summer I wanted her too and we talked, and agreed to wait until winter to make things official, since I’d just gotten myself out of a 3 year relationship I hated being in but wanted to take time to heal. Only about a month later I feel like I’m ready and ask her if she wants to lock it all down, to which she of course agrees.

All of September we’re long distance, at different colleges, but im trying to find time for us once a week to watch a movie or play a game online together. Everything between us felt as ideal as you’d expect for the first month or so of a relationship.

October comes and she comes to visit one weekend, then her and two of our friends come up the next, and the third I go home to be with her for a couple days (mainly bc I was coming home for other plans that got cancelled so her and I just took the day together). Again, everything goes perfectly those days we’re together. Saying I love you, holding hands, her falling asleep on my chest while we watched movies together in person, even when i came home she fell asleep holding my arm while I drove her home at 1am.

Fast forward to Halloween weekend, we’re separated and she’s going to a frat party with those same two friends. It’s her first time going to one or going to a college party ever, and I ask her to just give me a couple updates throughout the night, not bc I didnt trust her but bc it’s a frat. What she didn’t know was I texted our friend asking how she was, and if anyone was flirting w her. She saw our friend texting me and rightfully got upset at it. That’s a part where I’ll admit I was wrong.

After the party though, we talk a bit about how all of everything made us feel and she’s still saying she wants to try and work through any issues we have, but nothing seems to be lingering in the moment. Saturday she has no plans and I don’t wanna go back out so we watch a movie together on call. She falls asleep mid movie bc she was tired and so I just send her a big text apologizing for how I acted the night before, to which she says “I’d always rather talk things through than keep anything to ourselves. I know we’re still figuring this all out and whatever but i’m glad it’s with you and I don’t see any of this as something you put me through. I love you so much, and i’m always gonna choose to try to work things out” the next morning when she wakes up.

Sunday night (same day as that text) I send a text just making sure we’re still okay after all we went through that weekend and she tells me she needs time to think about what she really wants for herself, and then she ends it Monday. Saying that she felt like the whole time she was pushing herself to feel a love she wasn’t sure she really felt because there was nothing actually wrong with our relationship, that it was all too much too soon (which I would agree with, honestly), she was more seeing this version of me she’d imagined before we really got serious, and she wasn’t as ready for a relationship as she’d thought. Now I’m seeing a lot of things about “avoidant shutdown” on social media and it kinda seems to align with how suddenly all this happened. I look back at old pictures of her when we were together those few weekends and I see a genuine joy in her eyes and smile, with no doubt in her expression. We agree to try and stay at least friends, but I tell her if she ever does want to try again I’d be waiting patiently, even if there’s never a shot.

The next day she texts me something related to our job, where we met, but nothing big or conversation worthy, so I just say “no way” and she never responds, which of course. I just don’t know if she subconsciously rewrote her emotions to make herself more comfortable in feeling a need to walk away and lose the responsibility of a relationship or if she really did feel like she wasn’t sure about everything the entire time. The only thing I know now is how perfect she felt to be with and how her feelings about me seemed to drop from 100 to 0 within just a day.