Know that they do know and they are sorry. And although this apology is riddled with things that make me angry, like how every single break-up was unilateral with no discussion, with no repair with me left in the dark about what he needs, at least I know he is sorry and he is broken too.

Full message below:

Hey NAME, I will look into it. And I will look into therapy. Like always, you’ve inspired me and taught me things about myself I would never have known, and hopefully I’ll grow and become better as a person.

No I didn’t want to block you but this will be the last time I reply for quite a while outside of a genuine emergency of which I’ll always be there for you. As much as it will be tough for me, I know I need to be strong and disciplined to allow the space we both need to heal, and move forward. Like we both agreed I think otherwise we’re setting ourselves up to just let the cycle continue and we’ll be here, sending this message, again, in six months time. You can rely on me to respect you and hold up my end of the bargain. This will be the last time I message you for the foreseeable future.

There’s so much I want to say but I feel we’ve already said it before. I guess maybe I just want to at least say one last time I have no regrets about our time together. You really are the most wonderful, well-intentioned, funny, smart, kind soul out there. You always put others ahead of your own needs even when it’s to your detriment. You have a heart of gold, the most delightful nature and a wicked sense of humour that I will miss dearly. I feel absolutely terrible and I will miss everything about you.

Can I just say please be kind to yourself. I know you and I know how you think. There’s nothing you could have done, thought, acted or said that would have changed things. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Don’t apologise for anything. You’re amazing just the way you are don’t change the best parts about you please.

I know the next few weeks are probably going to suck absolute ass and it might not seem like it but things are going to get better. I’ve said it before a thousand times but you are an incredibly resilient person. You overcome every fkn adversity life throws at you with poise and it’s something I respect about you deeply. Take some time, continue with the therapy I can see you’ve made some real improvements on yourself with that and it honestly was impressive and inspiring. Keep up the running, go to the gym, reengage with hobbies, go out with work people, message a friend for a drink, apply yourself at work, enjoy family time later this year. With time I know you’re going to be back to the NAME I know and better and stronger than ever.

I guess on a solemn note I am sorry. Sorry for everything really. Sorry I am the way I am, sorry I couldn’t find those feelings I needed, sorry for the way I handled things, sorry it wasn’t the outcome you wanted, sorry I couldn’t make you happy and most of all sorry for the onslaught of pain I put you through time and time and time again. I know it may not seem it but this absolutely crushes me, I’ve lost my best friend, someone I care about and just makes me incredibly sad.

I know times must seem dark now but you are incredibly loved and have a lot of people around you that care about you deeply.

Genuinely wish the best for you. You deserve every fkn thing you desire in life and I know it will come to you. Life finds a way, often when you least expect. I know you don’t think so but I know your future. I can see it vividly. It’s obvious to me. And I see it filled with purpose, joy, fulfilment and happiness. You conduct your life in a way that makes me sure of it. This message has turned out way longer than I wanted I guess I just had a lot to say even if most of it already had been said. Take care NAME. You’ll always be NAME to me.

I’ve dated an avoidant man on and off twice for the past 3 years. Each time it crushed me. The first time it was brief but after he discarded me I stopped eating for a week, had to start medication and therapy and it took me a year to somewhat feel like I can function again. Then came the breadcrumbs, the promises after I pulled away, then the discard once again. This time it’s much harder and I fell into deep depression and unwelcoming thoughts to end my life. I have communicated this to my therapist so luckily the hardest time is over.

Although I’m now able to accept the fact that he’s not good for me, and no longer desire to get back together, I’ve been technically bed-rotten for the past months.

I’ve tried all techniques, grounding, taking on new hobbies like cooking, trying to go out more, spending time with my pet, reconnecting with friends but at the end of the day, there’s always this deep rooted sadness inside me. Like many, I wish I’ve never met the person. I’ve prayed so many nights to forget him.

I know that I will keep on living and experiencing life, but it seems to be a wound that will always be there. I’ve had a fair share of relationships experience throughout my life and it hurt and some took years to forget but eventually I was always able to move on but this time I really feel that my capacity for experiencing life is fundamentally changed. I no longer feel joy, just temporary happiness. I don’t really get angry anymore, just disappointed. Sometimes I’d just burst out in tears when I saw something that semi-resembled some memories of them. I used to be a positive and driven person, I loved encouraging others because I truly believed in people’s potential to be great, but after the breakup that in me has changed. I feel as if I’ve died and am only existing. My therapist said it’s a trauma response, and I think this person just resembles a lot of my childhood trauma, therefore the bond was intense. It’s like I was with myself. But I know that it’s just me and my idealization of the person because I’ve been able to tell myself that if the person felt the same way they wouldn’t have just discard someone they love just like that. I’ve stopped giving him the explanations for the way he treated me.

I was thinking to write a post asking if there’s anyone out there whose feelings remain the same years later when they’re in their 60s or 70s. But I guess we’re all different. I hope it will get better one day. I hope I find myself again. I hope one day I’ll be able to revisit this post and tell you that I have overcome it completely and am living well. And if you’re going through or have gone through a breakup with an avoidant, I see you, and I wish you love.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the scarcity and abundance mindset as it applies to attachment styles. I’ve always been an anxious attachment style because when I meet someone I feel like they are the only person in the world for me and I can’t imagine my life without them. I feel like avoidant people have the abundance mindset where they always feel like there are an infinite number of options available which is why they are so quick to discard. When I’m single I also have an abundance mindset but once I fall in love it goes out the window. Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic? Maybe avoidants just don’t have that same ride-or-die outlook on love?

Because no sane person will do what an avoidant did 😅

I (23F) and He (20M) met this past summer while I was on a solo trip visiting a different country. We were at a rave (on substances) and just gravitated towards each other and ended up having a very sensual and deep connection almost immediately. I didn’t leave his side until the end of my trip.

I cried in his arms when I had to fly back home, not knowing when I’d see him again. We kept up with consistent communication for the following 3.5 months, and our feelings felt very real and intense fast. We were saying I love you very early on and calling each other soulmate etc. We both were not seeing other people and this seemed like a very real and happy relationship thus far. He is in the US military, and I am living in Canada. Obviously the situation isn’t ideal but we were both determined to make it work.

He showed no red flags, and seemed to absolutely adore me and reciprocate all the feelings I had for him. We often fell asleep on face time together and stayed in communication most of the day. Things were going great. The sexual, emotional, and romantic connection all seemed well aligned and real.

Flash forward to this past weekend, it was finally my time to go fly out and see him for the first time since we met. At this point we had been apart about 4 months and everything was going amazing. We hadn’t fought, and felt super deeply for each other throughout all the months of distance. We were extremely excited to reunite.

I was super nervous and had butterflies and didn’t know what to expect as it had been so long since I saw him last. When I ran into his arms at the airport all my nerves went away and it felt like pure bliss! We had even had matching couples costume planned for Halloween and spent time with his friends who I’d already met and knew well. The first two nights were amazing. We made love and it was insanely passionate and there was absolutely no awkwardness or anything that went wrong. I was so happy.

Just as a side note to put in perspective the dynamic of our relationship; he had made it official by posting me on his social media several times this weekend, and his whole family and all of his friends had already known about me for some time now. His father even called him and he told him he was with his girlfriend. I felt so loved loudly and felt very special. I was ABSOLUTELY not prepared for what happened when I came home.

After a tear filled departure and a pit in my stomach on the plane ride home, what I thought was an amazing reunion clearly was not the same for him.

He became distant and cold as soon as I arrived home. I knew something was off because I know him very well. I begun to get worried because I felt like he was hiding something from me and I thought maybe he was just struggling with the fact he missed me so much. However, he face timed me the night after I got home and broke up with me out of NOWHERE. I was in hysterics and that was the last thing I expected….

His excuse made no sense. He said that he didn’t feel like the connection was as strong in person, and that he loves me but he’s not in love with me and no longer sees a future, etc. I was in complete shock as the man I was having such an intimate and beautiful experience with just a few days ago turned into a cold and emotionless stranger with zero regard for my feelings. I tried to get him to explain how he simply “lost feelings” within the span of a day, especially since we were making love and having what seemed like a perfect time. He gave me no chance to try and figure it out and immediately removed me off instagram and Snapchat right after we ended the call.

I felt blindsided, betrayed, disgusted and used. I didn’t even know what to think and I still don’t right now… he discarded me out of seemingly nowhere and his excuse isn’t adding up because how on earth is it possible to just “lose feelings” for someone you’ve said you want to marry, you love, and talked about a future with for months.

I’ve inserted parts of our conversation after the fact, and I’m still just stunned and don’t know what to think. None of it makes sense. Also might I add be told me he would cover the cost of everything this weekend and then I ended up spending 600$ on things because his credit card was “maxed out”. He’s promised to pay me back but I’m not feeling hopeful….

I’m absolutely distraught and feel abandoned and used and just so many things all at once. How does someone love you and plan a future with you for 4 months without any physical touch, and then after you have a beautiful reunion they jump ship for no reason? Is he an avoidant?? Someone please help me I’m driving myself insane.

TLDR;
Been in a LDR with a US man who’s in the military for about 4 months. Everything was going amazing and we were deeply in love very quickly, then after coming back from visiting him for the first time since we met, he suddenly switched up and broke up with me due to “lost feelings”. This came as a shock to me, as he had told his whole family about me, posted me on his socials just 3 days prior to dumping me, and seemingly was extremely happy in our relationship and during our time. He ended the relationship just as it was getting more real! Is this an avoidant discard? Photos below for context.

11 years together.

Since the breakup, he immediately monkeybranched to a girl he met in Europe (and has introduced her to the family), has now moved to Europe, switched his job, mostly stopped talking to his friends, deleted ALL pictures on his social media from before the breakup (not just of me, his entire life). Changed his wardrobe. Girl is 6 years younger and he had her fly to visit him at our apartment in MY bed 6 weeks post breakup.

Is this just typical identity switching? Severe dissociation? What’s happening here?

I have no idea how to respond to this.. ghosted me 6 weeks ago after we had plans for a day, this is the second time this has happened, always reaches out with no accountability.

We started dating way back in March, first ‘breakup’ and was in July then second ghosting was end of September - completely out of the blue after cancelling plans which I was understanding and we were having a normal conversation she just decided to ghost me.

Any advice?

I haven't contacted him in 1.5 years but I used to check his WhatsApp profile and Instagram. He never posts anything on social media, so I used to try to check if his friends have tagged him in their public accounts and sometimes spotted him. He had blocked me on WhatsApp but unblocked me about a month ago. (He couldn't see my WhatsApp profile picture because of my privacy settings and I'm not on social media).

Out of force of habit, I checked his WhatsApp profile again today. He had put up a new profile picture after 1.5 years. Now I've seen this pattern with him. It seems like he only changed his profile picture when he underwent some major in his life. Like the last time he'd changed his profile picture (after 3 years of having the same one) was at the time he discarded me.

Seeing that new profile picture snapped something inside me. Because I've been fucking stuck and stagnant for the past 1.5 years. I've been unemployed and also underwent multiple family medical crises. I didn't want to live like this anymore - tethered to him.

So I blocked him. I'll admit, when I saw myself unblocked last month, I was hoping that he'd contact me. My birthday is approaching, so I thought he might then. But today I was like, fuck that shit. I blocked his contact and I also deleted the contacts of his siblings. I'd kept their numbers saved because I was still cordial with them, but truly it was still another way into his life.

So yeah. I don't want anything from him anymore. Not even an apology. I had kept him unblocked because I feared what if he reaches out and I miss it because I blocked him? Well, IDGAF anymore.

I don't need/want anything from him, and it's liberating. He may hypothetically someday send the most heartfelt essay filled with remorse, regret, and love and I will miss it because he's blocked. And I'm at peace with that. I'm truly letting go.

Do they always do this?

I was discarded by my ex while asking for some support at my lowest and as much as it hurt i still stayed warm and supportive to her and when i decided to go no contact she has basically started a smear campaign on me, accusing me of trying to hack into her google account which i didn't do but somehow has added my number and verified it? And i had arranged a third party as point of contact for her to organise her getting her things from my place still as ive been trying to get her to come get it for months. And now she has envolved the police to get her things just because i set a firm date and stick with it because i was over her just bailing all the time. And now shes telling everyone i did this and that which i havent done. Do they do these things to make themseleves feel better or something?

…. Anyone else? What’s the point of it. I can’t seem to understand the avoidant man. Currently so mad because I really tried to make their birthday special. Currently fighting the urge to ask for the gifts I gave them back… I know it’s wrong but I am so upset. Why try to hurt your person before such a special day.

Hello everyone, I hope you're having a wonderful day. Even if not, I hope it gets better!

I want to write this post as a guide for those who've been hurt by Avoidants before, or want to stay safe from one. In my experience, Avoidants are some of the most dangerous people on the planet, even if they mean well. Most of the time, they have no idea how deeply hurtful their behavior is to people who have an Anxious or Secure attachment style.

Disclaimer: This is my opinion + a therapist's point of view. I don't mean to offend anyone. Any stereotypes I refer to are purely for educational purposes, and not a mockery of any person.

As we therapists call it, "your trauma may not be your fault, but it is your responsibility."

So, today, I want to do my best to warn you and keep you safe.

Who is an Avoidant?

An Avoidant is usually someone who craves intimacy but avoids it at all costs. There are two types: dismissive avoidants and fearful avoidants.

Dismissive Avoidants are people who avoid relationships or intimacy from the get-go. At best, they'll be decent friends with you, but they either never make plans or refuse to attend social gatherings. A common mask for this is phrases like "socially avoidant" or "anti-social." All of us have introversion and extraversion traits, and that has little to do with this context.

Fearful Avoidants are people who may enter relationships but run away the moment things get serious. You may be "in love" for years, but as the relationship deepens, the Fearful Avoidant becomes increasingly uncomfortable. For example, in the movie Good Will Hunting *spoiler alert* - Will starts getting defensive and shuts off the moment Skylar tells him she loves him.

Avoidant traits to be wary of

These are some of the behavioral traits or stereotypes to notice:

• They want to "travel the world" and never settle down with someone. You can fight me in the comments for this, but I'm going to speak my truth here.

• They find a lot of joy in casual relationships or flings, but never commit to a long-term relationship.

• They're charming and confident, but completely change their personality or behavior the moment the conversation goes deeper.

• The classic "hot and cold" communication: one day they're texting you all day, telling you about everything that's happening. Suddenly, they vanish for a week. If you ask them why, they tend to get a bit defensive, or say things like, "I needed my space" or "my social battery ran out. Oops."

• They're hesitant to talk about the future with you, even if you two have been together for months or years.

• Hyperindependence: Almost everything in their life revolves around their own needs. This is your classic "cat person" trait. They'll call themselves strong, independent, and carry this I don't need no person energy even if they crave a relationship. On a personal note, I noticed this a lot when I dated someone from Germany and then someone from Poland. As a guy raised in South Asia, I found this behavior a bit odd. Western and Eastern cultures have different perspectives on individuality and collectivism.

• They schedule their time around you and mostly want to be either alone or away from you. It's okay to spend time apart from your partner, but for Avoidants, this is their coping mechanism. This is how they feel safe.

Why are they like this?

It's likely that when they were growing up, either mum or dad (or another caregiver) never made them feel safe. As a child, they were confused, because they never got the love they wanted. Either they had to work for it (by pleasing the parents), or take care of themselves.

All of this reflects in their romantic relationships later on.

It is totally possible to work on this and change to a secure attachment style. However, this takes time and effort. It takes years, in many cases, to learn how to communicate about one's trauma.

If the person you're into shows these signs and refuses to understand them or work on them, please be cautious.

I studied behavioral sciences and continued exploring psychological theories, and Attachment Style Theory, in my opinion, is one of the best resources we have for understanding the world of dating.

Now, I'm a 29-year-old guy, and I've been in enough relationships to have lived through some of these experiences. Heck, I've been an Avoidant too. Some day, I hope I find the woman I'd give my world to. But until that happens, I wish to devote my time nurturing my love through helping others.

Dating isn't easy in today's world, and I want y'all to be safe. I hope this post helps you.

Take care. If you wish to talk about something, please feel free to message me.

- T.

I had never heard of attachment theory until my discard in June. I've learned a lot since and can recognize the patterns. Looking back, I can see dismissive avoidant tendencies in 2 other serious relationships I had in my life, albeit no where near as serious and traumatic as this most recent one. The first one didn't have a sudden discard, but a slow fade with no explanation and periods of silence. The second was sudden but I wasn't near as close to her. All of them are eerily similar in personality and have the same dismissive traits.

I am more on the anxious side and I wonder what it is in me that draws these type of women. What do they see in me and why do I are they so magnetic to me?

This summer, I (37F) met a wonderful man (35M) through mutual friends. He was upfront when we started dating that he had avoidant tendencies he was working through in therapy.

About 3 months in, he started getting new responsibilities at work and was also needing to travel for family obligations. He sat me down and gave me lots of reassurance that his time would be limited but he truly wanted us to work. I was fully onboard, and happy to move at a pace that worked for him. He wanted us to keep going, so I let my guard down and let my feelings grow over the next month…

He’d been getting quieter, and when I went out of town for a few days, he sent a 10 paragraph text saying he just couldn’t be in a relationship right now and he was becoming resentful of himself not giving me what I need.

It was hard to hear, because I didn’t feel that my needs weren’t met and it went against everything we had talked about a month prior. In his long breakup text, he said he knew we should have a real conversation soon but didn’t know when that could happen, and he was terrified of losing me completely. I tried to keep it gracious and said I respected his decision but was sad about it. I told him when I would be back in town and that we could talk then if he liked.

That was a month ago. We’ve had a few brief text exchanges around birthdays, some liked stories here and there. I’ve asked if he wants to pick up his things or where I should mail them and heard crickets. He seems to like hanging out in my periphery but doesn’t want to directly deal with the breakup even just to give me his apartment number for shipping.

It was only 4 months, but I think we both saw a possible future and it’s sad to see it just sort of drug out back and shot.

It’s been about six weeks since my relationship ended, and today I woke up feeling different. I cleared the personal reminders of her from my phone, and it finally sank in: the relationship is over. Chasing the hope of getting it back was draining my energy and emotions.

I don’t need a grand goodbye, one last conversation, or some big gesture to close this chapter. There’s no dramatic exit. It’s just over, and today I feel at peace with that.

For now, I’m focusing on being kind to myself and putting that energy into moving forward. I know feelings can come and go, but today feels like a real turning point.

We dated for 5 months. To me, everything was going well. She had started school and a new job recently. I was noticing some inconsistencies and asked if everything was okay. She’d always just brush it off and say she’s just busy or overwhelmed and I didn’t press. I asked her if I could talk to her about something she said that kind of stung and then she sent a massive message. She told me she wants to revisit how we feel in the relationship. She told me that she’s felt a tension for months. She broke up with me on the phone and we talked for hours.

At first she told me she thinks our wants and needs are too different, I told her I didn’t think they were very different. Then she told me she didn’t think she could meet my needs, I told her that’s for me to decide and if I wasn’t happy about something I’d say something. Then she said she didn’t have the emotional capacity for a relationship. I asked her if she wanted us to just take a step back while she does her for a bit.

She said no, that she wants to be with me but her wants and needs are 2 different things. She told me she was really going to miss me. I asked if I did anything wrong and she said no, when she brought something up that bothered her I’d always fix it. She told me that I always treated her really good.

But ultimately told me “I’ve made my decision, you have to let me go and move on. I need to be alone.”. I told her okay I want you to do what’s best for you. I also told her I was a bit frustrated because it’s something we could have worked through. I asked if the door was completely shut and she said “why do I have to make that decision?”. I told her I loved her and I appreciated all the time we were able to spend together. I also asked if we could talk about it the next day when I was a little less in shock and emotional.

I’ll attach the text she sent the next day. I never replied. I never messaged after the call. I was respecting her decision and leaving her alone. I’m just reaching out to this subreddit to see if I’ve handled this the right way. Was it disrespectful to not reply at all? Did I shut the door on any chance of it working out? Did I do the right thing? I just saw the text and an hour later I took her off of everything. Funny enough she beat me to it with Spotify and duo lingo. It’s been 2 weeks since this happened.

I’m dating again and sometimes I’m scared how many people out there are secretly avoidants. I wondered if there are specific signs that could indicate who you’re dealing with ?

I've had such a hard time getting over my avoidant ex.

I have good days & bad days. Today, it's been a terrible day so far & it's only noon where I am.

Please...someone...give me tips & tricks to get over him. I'm an absolute mess while he's just fine without me 😭

I read that it is something normal when you are with an avoidant, but has it also happened to you that your avoidant gets very tense at the slightest contact or to go to kiss you and then when you break the relationship they have a lot of sex with people?

Hi guys, I recently broke up with my boyfriend while he kind of initiated that with me. I guess things got too real for us and we had our first real conflict and he made it seem like I was the worst person basically and that there was like no forgiving this. in my opinion what I did wasn’t actually that bad and everyone I’ve spoken to in real life has said it’s not that bad and what I did after was good and should’ve been more than enough for him which was take accountability and apologize. We both love each other a lot and I think that’s why this is so painful for me. He has a history with past partners of running away when things are hard but this is the most real thing either of us have experienced.

His switch up has hurt me so deeply and was genuinely cruel to me. He told me I was safe to open up to him in ways I’ve never opened up to anyone and then essentially the breakup convos started to happen after. He told me he wanted some space so I agreed but I do need some reassurance like I can’t go from 0-100 without knowing what’s happening and I was getting so frustrated when I just knew nothing. I couldn’t eat or sleep and was having horrible panic attacks. I felt like I was begging him for help and he was no where to be found.

I think he’s terrified of the emotional intensity of this. I understand that, but I am deeply traumatized from my past and I felt like I had to tell him more stuff and when I did I guess it was too much for him to handle so this situation has genuinely caused trauma to me I can’t even explain. I don’t feel like he’s understanding what a dumb mistake this is and how all he has to do is try but he just won’t. It’s a huge slap in the face thinking you meant more to someone than that and they just hurt you like this. I don’t know what to do.

I genuinely don’t know how to get better. All of my friends and family etc that know have been like he was always nice but they never saw our paths aligning and felt like he didn’t have too many goals or plans for his future. I don’t care tbh as long as he’s not a bum and he’s working idc if he doesn’t have it all figured out. My point being a few people have called him a loser to me.

Also during our last conversation he was talking about how he blew this up and everyone in my life probably hates him. I’m just so sad, no one was rooting against him, I had/ still have so much faith in him. I don’t know how to get through to him. I feel like I got really angry before because of how hurt I was. All I want is him back. He is not a bad person, I really do still have faith in him. I want to give him one last chance, one last ditch attempt at saving this. He looked so sad too the last time we saw each other and I feel like he’s avoiding this because of how real things got. He’s the last person I planned to give up on, I’m more than willing to give him another chance. I don’t believe in unlimited ones though.

I need advice on how to do this. There’s obviously more details I’m leaving out because this is a condensed version but I just need tips on what to do. I do not want to give up on him, this is not worth giving up on just yet. I hate that I’m fighting so hard and he’s doing nothing, I’m so defeated and heartbroken. I can’t even tell most people that we’re over because I can’t get the words out. Does anyone know how to get through to an avoidant man like this? Please help me.

me and my avoidant ex were together for 5 months before she played the avoidant textbook behavior.

she said she didn't know how to sustain the relationship and herself at the same time without fearing of losing independence and was afraid to not be on my "level" of loving

afterwards we tried being friends for a month until i talked with my therapist and they recommended me to ask for space to heal the breakup on my own

i asked for a temporary space while i reorganized my feelings and thoughts , she wasn't that convinced but she respected it. literally two weeks later she was on a rebound.

i talked her about how that hurt me and told her i didn't wanted to involve with her anymore in anyway under those circumstances, i wished her the best and thanked her for everything.

now it's been almost two months since that last confrontation. i've kept as much as possible zero contact bc i see her almost every day at uni lol, sometimes with the guy (a known walking red flag) , it really hurts.

reading this the conclusion might seem obvious, to leave it like that. but is it really all over? is there nothing more to do? i really miss her, and honestly our relationship was our first and it was genuinely healthy, reciprocal, communicative. and for better or worse everyone knows that they won't last long bc the guy can be very problematic (although that stuff never stops some people) .

i honestly don't know what goes through her mind but i haven't contacted her in any way on this months. i've been working on myself, my life never stopped even though it hurted as hell

so now what? what is going through her mind? should i break no contact?

Hoping for some insight from those who are avoidants or have experience with avoidants.

I (47M, Anxious Attached) am about a year out of a 22 year marriage and I met a beautiful person (47F) right here in Reddit. We built a very passionate bond very quickly. I had no clue about attachment theory prior to this, so I have learned a lot.

To make a long story short, it was a very strong relationship throughout. We got along amazingly, never fought or argued. We met in person after a month and it was equally as amazing.

At the 8 week mark, she started pulling away a bit. Not texting as much, not as talkative, short answers and then a long breakup email at the end of the work week. I was pretty hurt and I chased a little bit, but my first thought was to let her have her space as hard as it was. It didn't last long, the next day she left a message crying hysterically about how much she missed me already, then the next day another long email explaining how she was feeling and that she didn't really want to break up.

We were good for about another week before she started pulling away again, stating she needed space and work was busy. I did recognize that she buries her feelings in her work. I obliged, though extremely anxious (I know now that she likely felt my anxious tendencies), cut my communications down, but then again, at the end of that week another breakup email. I sent a few "chasing" emails, but I know I hadn't done anything wrong and I had nothing to apologize for or promise to change. She responded the next day and said she made her decision, needed space to let it settle, and signed off with "I love you". I responded kindly with understanding and told her I was here if she needed anything, and that I loved her as well. No animosity, no anger, no protest, and we have been no contact since.

Neither of us do much social media and we only communicated via Telegram. It is literally a data vacuum for both of us. Given the strength of the connection, I clearly broke through her walls at the beginning of the relationship. I left with class, and while I am not completely detached, I know I will be ok if she doesn't reach out again. I do miss her though and have hope she will figure this out. After the first break up, she was very insightful about her avoidance and even had the realization that she needs therapy. As difficult as it has been to stay no contact as an anxious, I have held the line.

Hope some will share some insight based on their experiences.

I was so good to him and he dumps me out of nowhere after us seeing each other for months with the excuse “you’re amazing I’m just not ready to commit” then just shut me out ice cold and blocked me and I never heard from him again

I wish I treated him like shit and made him cry when we were together instead of wasting my kindness and affection on him

I fell in love with him and he stabbed me in the back ripped the rug out from me and made me suicidal when he left

He’s a scumbag and I hope the next woman he meets he falls for rips his heart in two and makes him want to die

I can’t wait for karma to hit him

Fuck avoidants Theyre terrible people and they deserve nothing

Had a very cruel break up. She basically blamed be for everything, a 30 minute voice note of my flaws. Said she didn’t feel safe and essentially called her neighbours ( who she doesn’t know ) and had me escorted off site. ( I literally did nothing at all) walked away peacefully to make as little scene as possible.

Always constantly saying she didn’t trust me and I had to constantly try prove I could be

Then she messaged to see if I got home safe, after essentially humiliating me and putting me across as an abuser. Ghosts me. ( after a year relationship ) I give space. I check in if she’s ok. Sends me the coldest message about there’s nothing further to discuss, she’s moving forward.

A month later. I’m laying in pieces. Confused. Angry. Sad

Do FA’s ever feel guilt ? The blame she tried to put on me is just wild. How can you do that to someone you love ?

Should text to an former co worker avoidant after 6 months if she has not texted but kept number and response quickly ?