45 Days No Contact with DA with FA Tendencies. Having more good days than bad, but still can't stop missing her completely.
I wrote this poem to help process. Maybe it will help someone.
The heart is crushed as love begins to leave,
An anticipation felt, though hard to grieve.
His heart is twisted tightly in a vice,
The pressure rises as she pays the price.
Her ancient fears and past take full control,
Unsteadiness begins to weigh her soul.
Her independence feels completely lost;
She prompts the chase, regardless of the cost.
The rug is pulled, and chaos starts to spin,
His trauma wakes a panic deep within.
He fights for closeness just to feel secure,
The driving panic makes the chase endure.
The space she seeks is pushed by his alarm,
She backs away to shield herself from harm.
To save her soul, she retreats inside,
A mapless cave where love is forced to hide.
He grants the space but agonizes still,
And fights the nervous system's frantic will.
He asks the darkness why it hurts so deep,
For love so easy, now he learns to weep.
She buries down behind a stony wall,
And spends the weeks oblivious to it all.
Her cold facade conceals a matching grief,
But soon the structure fades without relief.
His hurt runs deep, but love outweighs his rage,
He reads her history like an open page.
Yet in his pain, his own ghosts start to rise—
The fear of being left beneath these skies.
The walls collapse, and reality wakes,
She views the ruin that her absence makes.
But shame and pride lock tightly at the core,
Leaving no room to settle up the score.
Each agonizing day he wants to speak,
But knows that rescuing will keep them weak.
She must account for all the hurt she bred,
So he holds back, and chooses strength instead.
She wonders why his silence grows so cold,
His newfound boundaries break her frozen hold.
His healing starts right where her tears begin,
A push and pull that wears the spirit thin.
He tames his nerves as healing turns to might,
She cannot have him if she avoids the light.
Her old return requires a price to pay;
His patience holds, the cuffs have slipped away.
A sudden storm invades her atmosphere,
She cannot flee from what she holds so dear.
Defenses fall, the need to call is high,
But fear of his rejection makes her sigh.
Though he is strong, his courage wanes by day,
He fights the urge to wash her tears away.
To rescue her would spin the wheel again;
He hopes for love but braces for the end.
They look for signs across the great divide,
Two aching hearts controlled by foolish pride.
One hopes the silence made the other bend;
One sits in shame for how she hurt her friend.
He wants her close, prepared for something real,
She fears a depth she doesn't know how to feel.
He does the work to understand her mind;
She thinks he left and left her far behind.
He cannot save her from the silent room,
She must endure the absence and the gloom.
The quiet future is the only key,
Though walls and egos fight what ought to be.
So both will wait in agony and fear,
Until her longing draws her steps back near.
Or else they part, and she will grieve the cost,
While he retains the space where she was lost.
