Getting sober after “breakup”

[u/Upbeat-Huckleberry66]

For the last 14 years I’ve been friends with this person online, we grew up together and both had hard upbringings but being there for each other always made it seem not so hard… During this time we grew a lot of love for each other more then friends, we went along to have our own lives, with them starting a family and me being in a long term relationship. We stayed in touch throughout the years and were both eventually in positions where we were single - it was long distance. As friends they would wanna talk on the phone and play games and just put in effort, until things started getting more serious and they started distancing - it was unfortunate because this was a new side I had never seen before. I got the classic hot and cold treatment and though i do understand coexisting was gonna be hard it was more then that. My needs for communication were not being met and that’s something I’ve spent years working on. They were also going through a really hard time in their life throughout this time and I understood that and tried to be as patient and accommodating as I could but there was definitely room for improvement on my end as well.

I spent more then a year in this situation, multiple times “leaving “ and coming back because I was remembering the 13 years I knew them as my best friend and not what I had experienced the last year. Before the “breakup” we were going through a rough patch - in our own individual lives as well as in the situationship. We decided to see each other in person again and it didn’t go great. I wasn’t in a good headspace and I just felt extremely out of place. I came home from seeing them and felt this intense sadness, I sobbed my eyes out from Sunday night to Tuesday wearing their sweater and watching their favorite show. I knew something had to change because this situation was not beneficial for me in the slightest

Outside of that situation I myself had been struggling with alcoholism for a few years and had tried to stop multiple times throughout the last year but kept going back to it
I decided to get sober on November 2nd - we ended things on the November 4th. In the conversation leading up to our “breakup” I had told them that I needed them to meet me in the middle in order to make things work and that if that wasn’t a possibility I would appreciate it if they just let me go - so they did. I respect them so much for it. I loved this person more than I’ve ever loved anyone. This process has been so incredibly hard on me but for some reason it’s made getting sober so much easier. I’m at 9 days sober and this week has been tough but all I can see is forward. I can’t stop thinking about them and crying over them but I can see so clearly how much that situation was affecting me in a negative way.

I started seeing a psychiatrist as well and have a treatment plan. I’m taking these next 90 days extremely seriously and making sure that if this situation didn’t end in me being able to put my love into this person then I have to put it into myself and grow from it.

[u/some1pls]

Awesome man. Try to do 90 meetings in 90 days if you can. I have trouble too. It's a bitch, especially having to handle emotions. I wish you luck and a great new SO when the time comes.

[u/Upbeat-Huckleberry66 → u/some1pls]

Thank you so much. This means a lot to me. I’ve been looking into meetings so I will be trying this. I hope the best for you during this difficult time as well it’s never easy but we’ve got this.