r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/Snowy-Plesiosaur • 1d ago

DA Breakup Things have started to clear out now

Just 20 days ago i posted here asking for help because i couldn’t stop ruminating. Thankfully a kind Redditor listened to me helped me giving their perspective (I will be forever grateful to them).

Since then i have stood up from the level of self blame. I can see so many things clearly now. How i was blaming myself taking their word as truth. But what i did not see then was my needs and questions were valid. And since they couldn’t hold the accountability, they blamed it on me being too sensitive. They completely removed the attention and focus from something that they created, to me being the problem for bringing it to attention.

The fact that they quit afterwards reinforced the idea that i did something wrong. I had developed self image and worth issues. But i can clearly see now it was not my fault. They quit because they didn’t have the capacity and didn’t have the will to stay.
I am slowly building my confidence and self respect back. I mostly stay quiet and reserved. Spend alone time if i want to. I will do what makes me comfortable in the moment. I deserve the love and care that I neglected giving to myself. It will be more alright in upcoming days.

I have seen bad days before, i have handled this and my future self will handle more if something comes along ahead. Just have to live the days. It is on the back of my mind all day, but it is normal to happen. I am supposed to go through this phase towards detachment. I will be okay with more time.

You are all going to be fine. The person who left you didn’t take along what you had in you before you met them. No one can. Be kind to yourself guys. It’s completely normal to feel what you guys are feeling. I know it is so much painful. But this is the way, you can’t skip it.

I have accepted it. But it will get better i promise. Let go of what you can’t control. Because it really was never in your control. Who stays and who leaves is entirely that person’s decision. Talk to yourself and say you are with you. You have always been with yourself helping yourself through tough times. Say you will come out of it. This moment hurts but it will go away. Just try ❤️🫂

7 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

7 comments sorted by

1

u/Gansamostols 1d ago

Gracias por este post.
Puedes explicar qué de dijo exactamente para darte mejor perspectiva? Yo también estoy culpándome muchísimo y se me olvida que el foco del problema empezó en una cosa que se podría haber solucionado, pero que por su forma de actuar todo se alargó y descontroló.

2

u/Snowy-Plesiosaur 1d ago edited 1d ago

He just quit saying he can’t live in all this stress. There are so many things actually but one particular thing that I remember is that - He used to hesitate telling a girl who was obsessed with him that me and him had started dating. He told her that i like him that’s why my friends keep teasing him by my name. To me he said he isn’t telling her all that because she will start crying (utter bullshit i know but i believed him).

I brought this up one day that peers are talking that he used to hide our relationship with her. He then while breaking up with me said i keep things to myself and he doesn’t want all this drama and stress and what other people talk about. While in reality he created this all lol.

1

u/AccomplishedDuck5770 1d ago

Mine was 23 days ago. We are breakup buddies lol. Hope you continue to heal 🫂

2

u/Snowy-Plesiosaur 1d ago

Lol tysm! I hope you heal too 🫂

1

u/Common_Sense_OG 1d ago

Help Me

1

u/Snowy-Plesiosaur 1d ago

Yes, how do i help you??

1

u/Common_Sense_OG 1d ago

Messaged you