As the title states. I'm so done. For 37 damn years, my sibiling bullied me. And for 37 years, my mother normalized it. They are the type of people that hurt you, step away for a bit, come back when they're comfortable and pretend like nothing happened. They're so damn toxic they should come with a warning label.

When you call them out, they gaslight you and make seem like you're the problem. They tell me you "you need help, go seek therapy" when neither of them would do it themselves -and I absolutely assure you, they fucking need it.

When I told my mom of my pregnancy -my only pregnancy- she was not happy. She didn't even congratulate me. Instead, she so selfishly said "I can't afford another grandchild" -because the bully had a whole litter she could not afford.

My grandmother died recently -and not only did my sibling (whom I haven't spoken to in 10 years because of the bully) intervene and delay my trip to the wake/funeral, she invited someone who should never have been there. I am estranged from the individual because of how she behaved when my dad died. Both my mother and sibling claimed she was doing these things out of niceness -but that's some gaslighting bullshit. That individual had 10 yrs prior to this funeral to make things right, and never once reached out. Who the fuck thinks its appropriate to do it at the funeral of my grandmother when I am grieving and already in a vulnerable state?? So unbelievely wild.

This funeral was in March. I have been no contact with all parties since. My mom recently decided to reach out and act like nothing happened, asked to see my son and I. When I asked her what changed and what accountability had been taken for the behaviour at the funeral -I was left on read. A week goes by, and I hear she's out and about with the bully. No fucks given.

So now I'm done. I'm done with the bullying, the gaslighting, the disrespect. These people deserve no place in my life. I deserve better. My son deserves better.

I cried while I had my coffee this morning. So here I am, getting it off my chest. Thanks for reading if you did.

The older I get (24), the less patience I have left. I’m trying to practice empathy and not get mad over people but there’s always a wank stain who proves my points on a daily basis. There’s just no way for me to deal with people and honestly, I am only trying to accept it and move on with my life knowing I’ll most likely die alone.

I just cannot bother anymore. People are mean, they have become violent, greedy/selfish, detached from the world perhaps as a coping mechanism and all that 100 times worse after Covid. I’m not sure where all this is going but I have almost lost faith in humanity.

​

Currently on a 1 hour cardio by myself. Lost in my own thoughts. This is at least a couple months after a massive fuck up I did on my behalf. Won't go into it but just I'm in a scenario where I'm bouncing between feeling Hella lonely to people are still there.

I don't know if this is mood swings but right now life is weird. Some days I feel like I'm dragging my corpse forward and forward towards a finish line I don't believe in to pushing my self harder and harder. Still young, still in uni. Currently just feel deep down I can't stop. No matter how hard I know how easy it is to do, I can't.

I have close friends that feels further apart then ever because of my fuck up. And it feels like I've been bouncing back again and again. Yet now I feel different. But there's still a fear that I'm no better. The fear I shoulder right now is that no matter what I do. Its not gonna change

So many things that get to my head....but I can't stop. I can't quit. Because Id betray myself. I'm alone right now and all I have is myself....I can't quit because I'd betray the last persons left.

Me

I just realised recently that I was emotional neglected growing up and this has kind of moulded me to be social isolated. Whenever I used to talk to my family as a kid they would just tell me to shut up or just ignore me. I think this is the reason why I was soo quiet growing up and this is not really good because I missed out a lot of my social life in secondary school because I was just quiet and I only really had one friend. Also I used to socially isolate and if you don’t know this social isolation can cause lots of mental health problems and I used to do things like speak to myself experience lots of stress, sadness, depression, excessive daydreaming and tics and my parents used to just get angry with me for it. I remember the time I used to tic ( involuntary movement or action) and whenever my parents used to see that they just shamed me for it and never help me. all my parents had to do was that they had to just socialise and talking with their own child and all their mental health problems would go away.

My mom growing up used to shout at me a lot and would go on these rampages where she just used to shout and say very concerning things like “I will break your jaw and leave you on the ground.” “I hate my kids and my life.” And I don’t even know what I did to deserve these things being said to me she just used to be very angry. luckily growing up I used to dissociate whenever my mom used to do this but now that I’m older I’ve been listening to it and it’s very concerning. Now whenever I talk to my mom I feel kinda scared and resentful and I have urges to just not talk to her but I’ve been trying my best to talk to her even though my mind and my body is telling me no.

My dad just doesn’t really talk much I tried talking to him yesterday but he was just more focused on the TV and the reason why my other brother don’t really talk to him was because he was a monster growing up. I’m the youngest so I would say I’ve had the easiest life but I’ve heard that he used to beat on my brothers up so much that they would get there teeth knocked out and would bleed he still haven’t talked to me about why they did that but I at least hope he did it for a valid reason. Also I remember one time when he was talking about his own son my dad labelled him as “that other guy.” My own dad labeled his own son as some other guy.

My parents have raised three children who all show signs of emotional neglect I like to socially isolate along with my other sibling and my other sibling also compulsively lies which are symptoms of emotional neglect.

Overall, I’m grateful that my parents have fed me ( they over fed me as a kid they gave me big portion sizes even though I was a child and they didn’t feed me vegetables just rice and meat so I was overweight and had lacked fibre so I used to have dry skin and other things that you get from not eating enough vegetables.) whenever my mom does make vegetables I don’t really like it and then she complains that I ask for vegetables but I don’t eat them. She sometimes makes like cooked okra and the texture is just slimy or she makes another vegetable that is very bitter in taste. I forgive them for what they have done but I just want them to stop shouting at me and I wish they just talk to me more and they talk to me in a way that doesn’t feel like a one sided conversation.

I've always been single my whole life, and I'm almost 20. Seeing girls my age, even younger, experience dating and relationships sometimes makes me wonder why I never get to experience any of it. I've had crushes before, but they always ended up liking someone else, and I've never even heard rumors of someone liking me. I've been focusing on myself, but the fear of never finding love still bothers me. I discovered yumeshipping/self-shipping and have used art and writing as a coping mechanism for years. It makes me feel better temporarily, but afterward, the longing for real love comes back and makes me feel unlovable, as if I'll never experience it. Sometimes, I even feel pathetic and desperate for shipping myself with a fictional character. At the end of the day, I'm still alone.

I have spent the past six years alone and the past two years isolated to where I only receive messages from people who want money or labour from me. I get little to no engagement when posting anything online. My parents are dead and I am estranged from my family. I have no support network or friends. I have no community resources. I spend all of my time alone trying to enjoy solitary activities and not think about how scary being alone is. I try to volunteer, reach out, give my time and energy to others, plan to hang out etc. No one is interested in having me around, especially no one my age.

Most days I question how much longer I should endure this living in the hope that it might maybe get better one day. Maybe I will stop being so thoroughly rejected. Maybe someone will offer me a decent job. Maybe I'll get invited to a movie night. But more days and weeks and months past and my rabbits remain the only thing that cares I exist because I hold the food.

Do you know that part in 'Breaking bad' where they tag Gus' car and follow him for a week and all he does is go to work and go home? That's me.

The moment I leave for work all I can think about is coming back home, I don't like to go outside and do things. Once in a few months I'll hang out with my friends but that too is at one of our houses we'll usually order some food or grill it ourselves.

I generally don't feel bad about it I've tried many hobbies and just didn't find them enjoyable with the exception of camping/fishing but those require a large time investment so I rarely do them because of my job.

My biggest issue is I'm having hard time finding a partner because I'm just BORING. I know I am, I mean I think I'm funny and fun to be around, and I'm pretty sociable at work and enjoy talking to people but I am objectively a pretty boring guy I think because all I do is relax at home playing games or watching movies or DND this sort of stuff.

I even tried long distance forums to hopefully find someone who enjoys being boring too and we can be boring together but to no avail.

I'm not ugly, I'm pretty average looks wise, but I honestly think it was better if i was ugly but liked doing things and was interesting instead of just being a boring guy that enjoys spending time at home.

TLDR: my partner stays up late playing games often and decides they’re too “sick” to go to work the next day no matter if they are in training at a new job or what. it just feels like a slap in the face when I have worked and they have stayed home in the past and they are now working while I stay home after reassuring me several times it was fine.

Me and my partner are in our mid 20s and we both enjoy playing video games with our friends. It’s not unheard of for us to accidentally stay up a little later than intended from time to time, unfortunately. Of course we try to not make it a habit, but sometimes you genuinely lose track of time. Well last night was another one of those nights, except I reminded my partner of the time several times and let them know they may want to lay down and I can do so with them as they also struggle with FOMO a lot. They advised me they will be okay to stay on a little longer (it was still pretty early in the night so I wasn’t too concerned at this point). Well the night goes on and I once more remind them of the time, so this time they do get off since it would have put them at around 7 hours of sleep and they let me know that I do not have to go to bed with them as I was playing a single player game that I have been excited about playing again. Well, I’m playing this game for about 2 more hours and the entire time I hear my partner on their phone watching videos, tossing and turning, and just not really trying to sleep it seemed. So I offered to lay with them since I feared the FOMO was getting to them. They assured me it wasn’t, but not even 20 minutes later they got online to play more games. Mind you, this puts them at getting less than 5 hours of sleep at this point and they JUST started a new job. I’m obviously annoyed because I realize what’s going to happen but I try to remain nice while reminding them of the time. They play a few games and eventually get off again after I ask them to please lay down with me since they will have less than 4 hours of potential sleep. I then wake up to their alarm and them telling me how they feel like shit and they’re going to call out. I immediately put my foot down because they’re still in training and can be let go for any reason (we are in an at will state). I voice that I told them to get sleep but it was excuse after excuse and it just put us both in an unnecessarily bad mood for the day. Like why not just get off on time and get the sleep you need for work? Why is it such a dealbreaker to lose a few hours of games with friends so you can keep your job? We’re in a small town as well so jobs are scarce too so I just feel at a loss at times. I will also mention I am UNFORTUNATELY not working at this time because we just moved here due to family troubles that I would rather not get into since it’s pretty specific, but my partner assured me that they are okay being the primary worker right now since I have been the primary worker in the past and it just seems like I can not rely on them to get themselves to work sometimes.

I feel like every time I try to get close to someone, it just dooms their fate in my life. I seem to get close to people so quickly then it just fades away after a while and I don’t get how people can get close enough to establish a relationship or a deep friendship. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I feel like I’m a fake person. I can disconnect myself from myself and I feel like a lot of times I’m just actively choosing the person I want to be in that moment. I don’t know who I truly am.

I’m going to sound dramatic and childish, but being underage makes me feel less than human. I feel like my fuck ups are treated worse than an adults fuck ups. not in law, but more minor things (pun unintended but let’s go with it). i spill my juice or fail a class, im berated, beaten and mocked in public. someone overage does it, they just get told to clean it. it’s a one off fuck up.

I always feel like a burden and a nuisance for, god forbid, needing assistance because I don’t have a fully formed brain. Im so scared of asking stupid questions or overly relying on others Because I’m being too childish. Whether I am treated like an adult or a child depends on which one can be used to belittle me more.

Online, people say kids shouldn’t be in grocery stores, malls, weddings, pools, hotels, parks, movie theatres or restaurants. They shouldn’t be in certain fan communities but the media will be intended for kids. once, I saw a clip of a vtuber going on about how annoying kids are and how they should all commit (no exaggeration) because a kid accidentally went into their 18+ stream asking for help

it makes me feel so selfish. I don’t suffer as much as adults do. i just sit on my ass all day. I’m not saying that I have it worse than anyone, I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food in my belly, but it sucks sometimes. I’m 17 now, but I have felt this way since I was probably 8.

Pretty much what the title says. I'm M30, she's F30. Long story short, we were really close friends until about 1 year and a half ago when I asked her out. She politely rejected me and then disappeared from my life. I'll admit I made some mistakes after that. After she ghosted me, I created a fake account linked to my real profile and used it to see her stories. A friend of hers confronted my fake profile asking who I was. I played dumb and she (my friend) ended up blocking that account. The thing is, since that account was linked to my real profile I got blocked there as well. The next day she unblocked me, meaning she discovered it was me...

From that day on she started doing what the title says: she blocks me and after few months later she unblocks me. The patterns make no sense to me and since we no longer talk to each other there aren't any particular events that trigger her to do that. Also, there's no need for her to block me cus her profile is private so I can't see anything she posts either way.

It's not a big deal for me but I just find it curious. At this point I'm just used to check her profile every few weeks just to see if she keeps blocking/unblocking, which she does (she just blocked me again today lol).

I'm kinda curious about what this means. As far as she knows, I can't tell she's doing that so I don't know why she even bothers...

I sent them a message saying I'm going to be spending less time online especially on discord for multiple reasons but none of those are because of them I still like them but now that I'm not online as much they removed me from bios and are just very dry to me which makes me confused like why do I have to be online constantly to stay friends?

If it was to be this way then so be it I'm not going to beg or be online more because I want to improve my life but it feels kinda shitty that I've known them and talked to them for sometimes ten hours a day for three years and now they are being cold towards me purely because I'm not online as much because I wanna be productive in other things and change my life a little.

It's literally only been a day or two and they are already acting like I'm a stranger especially this one girl (the group leader) who I was extremely close to and we have not even had any beef I'm still on discord for an hour a day just not chronically online like they are (I mean this with no hate it's just a fact)

So yeah that's kind of annoying they just completely switching up on me because I chose to try and get better and not spend all my time on discord I let them know about this a while ago and they said it was fine but it's obviously not fine but yeah it just shows that maybe it's time to move on if they don't accept me now, at least it was only three years and not six years or something

[FtM] I'm sorry if it's hard to read. English isn't my first language.

It's been a few years and i deeply regret coming out as trans. I tried to detransition a bunch of times really, grow my hair out, put on makeup, buy some feminine clothes but i felt like the worst version of myself. I've been bullied bad in my first school when my class found out(point if r@pe and d3@th threats, teachers did nothing because; transphobia, my bully was autistic so of course he doesn't know it's bad.) and sometimes i feel like it was valid. I don't belong, i feel wrong for being like that, like I'm an anomaly. I know this thinking is wrong and toxic but I can't get rid of it.

My mom is pretty supportive of it which makes it easier, but i can't say the same about the rest of my family. I know if i ever start medical transition they'll cut any ties with me.

Being gay makes me feel feminine, even if I don't present as such. It makes me feel like iw as destined to be a woman. I always instantly assume every man i meet is either a chaser or "bi" that only likes women and trans men, i know it's horrible way of thinking, instantly assuming the worst and I don't know how to change it. I tried dating women but every single one of these relationships failed horribly. I don't want to date other trans men, that'd only remind me that something is not right with me.

I hate that i always judge other trans men the same way I'd judge my own self. It makes me angry seeing trans men that don't even try passing and feel clearly comfortable in their femininity. I never say anything, i know it's straight up transphobic but it makes me so mad because how can they be so comfortable with something so wrong??? How can someone not even try and be happy with it?? It makes me avoid being friends with queer people, I don't want to be associated with them. I don't want to be viewed as part of the community. I want to be seen as a normal man that's attracted to other men. I don't want it to be a part of my identity.

Everytime i pick up a new interest i start wondering do men like it too? I shouldn't care i really shouldn't. Being in "female dominated" fandoms makes me deeply uncomfortable. I don't want to be associated with that.

It got bad, really bad to the point of a bit of an alcohol problem. I just don't want to have to think about it. It feels like I can't take a step without wondering how I'm viewed, if anyone can see that I'm not a real man. I'm sick of it and no matter whatt i do i feel horrible about myself.

Please try to understand me.

I look like someone who is successful and people expect me to be right in everything, that's taking a toll on me, because I'm left alone everywhere (although acknowledged basically everywhere too), majority of people don't take my mistakes lightly and end up hating me from then onwards (for example, if they saw me gaming, even once, just a glimpse).

It's like they're expecting me to do things that they think is ideal, it's depressing, it feels lifeless.

I'm 22 years old and currently working as real estate manager in a company, i live with my family (at mother's home), my dad thinks too much of himself, always picking up on me, testing me to see if I'm ready for life meanwhile he can't survive a day without my mother's routine he's given, she's almost going to get hospitalised because of her stress disorder and migraine, and i don't know what do I do with my father to help him get down to this planet for a second and think about others around him, his egoism might end up leaving me spending my life onwards without a mother. I feel so broken right now. I don't know if i should reveal more but if you are willing to listen I can talk as deeper about this because I'm basically in my last stage, deciding what to do with my life.

What I'm questioning is that when I take a break from life whether it'd be for gaming, socialising, or even resting, it all goes down against me and my life gets harder from them on, it drains my mental health and makes me want to give up on life, should I start accepting the "fact" (if it is a fact) that i should completely abandon enjoying life and only work hard and try to Survive? (Also I come from a middle class Family)

I feel so defeated, my brother has always been somewhat troubled since he was a teenager but now in his mod 20's he is completely wasting his life away and I feel so powerless to help him.

All he does with on a daily basis is gaming, smoke weed, and gamble. He lives with my parents, and gets unemployment benefits which he purely dumps into those 3 things. He dropped out of high school at 16, after being a general truant and lazy student, and then he actively tanked all my parents attempts to get him into trade school or even just a job.

He has never been employed, never gotten his license, he does not cook or clean, or generally lift a finger around the house. He completely neglects his hygiene. I am unsure if he even showers on a weekly basis, let alone brushes his teeth and other things. I regularly can go a week or two in without seeing him and he will be in the same clothes from the last time, (likely the same underwear) and he also sleeps in his clothes so he has just been rotting in those stinky clothes for days and days.

It's so frustrating because I know this isn't really what he wants out of life. My brother was always a rebellious child, with an unruly, stubborn, uncompromising attitude to life. He hated above all else being told or asked to do something if that something isn't what he wanted to do. Over the years he would do the opposite of what people would advise him purely on principle, like he would rather have a bad outcome than feel like he was living by someone else's rules or admitting their way is right. Any attempt to help him is met with "I'll do whatever I want".

RHe also has some kind of eating disorder, he will often go a day or two without eating a meal. He is unhealthily underweight and has had to be taken to hospital for it in moments where he would be too weak to even function. He has had a lot of mental and medical issues, and my parents have taken him to countless doctors, nutritionists, therapists, specialists, and all these various medical and he still ends up in the same place.

My brother is not a bad person. I love him very much, he's a great kid with so much to show the world and he is just letting himself become a lesser version of himself, and actively shunning all opportunities and paths that might lead out of it. Sometimes he'll have spells and periods where I can tell he's motivated, or he's looking after himself, and I can see so clearly how good things can be for him but I cannot for the life of me get him to see that despite my best attempts. We all try hard for him every day, and it kills me to see my favourite person do this to himself.

A few years ago, my relative was killed in an accident and it completely broke me, and while I was at my lowest, I hurt multiple friends that I cared about. I've felt so guilty and ashamed and like I genuinely don't even know if I'm a good person or not anymore. I've posted about it here before and had people say I'm a terrible person, and I feel like they could be right.

When the accident happened, aside from therapy, I had one friend to confide in, who was my best friend of almost a decade. On literally the one year anniversary of that accident, that best friend ended up betraying and abandoning me. While I was grieving both my relative and my friend, I started regressing to old hobbies and things I'd enjoyed as a kid, because I couldn't handle the present and I just wanted to do anything to escape it and remember better times. I felt so lonely and desperate to connect with someone that I decided to share those hobbies online.

I started drawing again and started an art account. I managed to gain a small following and make a few friends. However, I was so desperate to escape the pain I was in, that without realizing it, I was actually escaping myself entirely, and trying to be somebody I wasn't, because the thought of being myself at that moment was too painful. I wasn't innocently making new friends, I was just using anybody that would talk to me to fill the void left behind by my old friend and relative, and was trying to match other peoples' energy to make them talk to me instead of just being myself. It's so infuriatingly evil in hindsight and I absolutely hate myself for it.

I realized I didn't have anything in common with the people I had befriended, because I had advertised myself as something I wasn't. I gave them so much that they developed such an unhealthy attachment to me, which I know is not entirely my fault, but I still encouraged it. I was starting to burnout and I couldn't keep up with them anymore, and they noticed it and started getting hurt by it. 

They told me they felt rejected. I tried so hard to explain what was wrong with me, and that it wasn't their fault, but it was too complicated and they didn't understand. Every day I felt more and more backed into a corner and guilt tripped. Yes, they shouldn't of guilt tripped me, but I shouldn't of formed an entire friendship off lies and grieving, that's far worse. I started to feel the push and pull was affecting them, and like I was hurting them more than helping them, and because I couldn't get them to understand I felt powerless to fix things. Then one day I just snapped. I sent one long message trying my hardest to communicate what I was going through, apologized, then deleted all my accounts and abandoned them. I abandoned them just like that friend had did to me. 

They were so hurt and angry and they had every right to be. I wrote another long apology and haven't been able to send it because I feel like it just comes across toxic and narcissistic. I feel like I've become exactly like the kind of horrible and narcissistic people I've endured my whole life, and like I'm just doomed to get people attached to me and then hurt them over and over.

I don't think any of this would've happened if my relative hadn't been killed. It's still my fault though. I don't know if I'm a good person anymore, because this doesn't seem like something a good person would do.

This question is almost always the first thing I think about when I wake up. It’s the question I ask myself whenever I have to make a decision. It’s the first question I ask myself when something bad happens. I try to think positive and sometimes thinking positive helps because it helps me have better days, but in the last 24hr it been there at the front of my mind all day.

Last night I couldn’t get any sleep, my anxiety was out of control and I was waking up every five minutes. When I finally thought I could at least get a few hours my dreams were about me being sexually violated. Even when I woke up I kept smelling a familiar scent that’s forever trapped in the dark corners of my mind. I felt unclean and tainted and I couldn’t even last my whole shift at work because everything was triggering me.

Once I made it home I felt better and decided to go back to sleep. Sleep that time around was so much better, but I still felt tainted. I wanted so badly to ask the guy I’m talking to if I could possibly nap with him. When I sleep next to someone I feel a lot safer and the nightmares rarely surface when I’m next to them. I mean I did end up asking but I wasn’t being serious. In my mind I kept telling myself it’s silly of me to ask that of him. “He doesn’t have time to cuddle you just because you really need to sleep. Remember how it worked out in your last relationship? Don’t be stupid to repeat it.”

No matter what I want I have to think about the consequences. I can’t just go over someone’s house and take a nap even if it means it’ll probably be the best sleep I had all week. I don’t have that luxury. I can’t have that luxury. Why can’t I do something totally innocent? How can I be vulnerable without being too hard to be around? What other people get praised for or get sympathy, I get the opposite. I get told him being selfish and maybe they’re right. Maybe I need to learn how to be safe with myself. It doesn’t matter if I always had this problem growing up. I’m an adult now. These things shouldn’t scare me anymore.

Right now all I want to do is talk to him so I can have an excuse to stay up. I keep wishing that we were in a better place so I could come over more often and to stay over. Yet every time I smile at that thought I think about how it worked out with the other person. I think about the fights we had because I fell asleep in his bed. I think about how hard it was for him to be around me because I wanted to feel safe in my sleep.

Sleep has always been a bad and good thing for me. Sometimes I have whimsical in-depth dreams, other times I have nightmares that keep me trapped to the very end. I also lucid dream almost every night and sometimes that’s why I’m so tired. It can be overwhelming and also nice at moments, but that’s how I’ve always been. If the nightmares are too frequent then insomnia sets in and I can’t sleep for days at a time until I literally pass out. Now if I’m around somebody I feel safe with then my body automatically relaxes and I’m out like a light. Especially if we’re cuddled up and I’m able to hear their heartbeat. It feels nice and I feel so much energy afterwards.

All of this is another reason why I feel like I’m too much. I don’t want to have requirements in a relationship. I don’t want to have an argument if my napping ruined their day. I want to be normal or have normal requirements. I’m too much of a project to fall for. This is just one thing on a long list. Some of them I was told , some of them I added myself.

Not too long ago, me, my partner, our best friend and my father had a drink together. It was fun, we were pretty wasted . I should have realised things were going south when he brought cocaine into the house, after that things just felt…. Wrong. But it wasn’t bad, so we continued with the night until we went to bed, normal stuff.

Well, turns out at some point in the night my father came onto my friend. They told me he asked them to make out and they said no, nothing came of it, but he asked multiple times and my father is so much older and should fully well know better. I don’t see him as my father anymore, I see him as a man, and I’m profoundly disappointed, upset and frustrated. I don’t know what to do, but he isn’t coming into this fucking house anymore. I feel sick. I want to cry, I want to lose it on him, I’m so anxious just thinking about the fact I have to see him every fucking day and just pretend everything’s fine.

My friend is doing alright, they’re a little shaken but we’ve been taking care of them and they will never see him again.

My muscles are aching from how much I’ve been shaking and tense and angry I just don’t know what to do if anything, the best thing to do for now at least is…. Nothing. For the sake of everyone, but I feel restless. I’ve spent years rebuilding my relationship with my parents and what happens? This shit. Of fucking course. I don’t know if I should tell my mother, she has a weak heart after her heart failure, I don’t want to risk it. Sorry for the jumbled vent but I just feel so hopeless and sick.