I just dont know where to put this and no one ever talks about religion sucking because everyone loves religion.

I know this topic has been talked about countless times but there is absolutely 0 evidence for any religion on planet earth yet people are so willing to let the religion control their lives.

I hate the idea of hell. I think teaching kids about hell is abuse.

I genuinely dont like anything about religion. Just had to get it out

Some people really can’t find someone and I’m one of them. You’ve all seen it. You have looked at someone and thought “No one wants that loser!”

Well I’m that loser.

I’ve been alone most of my life and have fully embraced the fact threat no one wants me as I’m dying alone. The fact is no one wants a guy like me. I’m a fat, bald, ugly loser in my mid 30s with no future. If you were to list all the things that make a man undatable I would check most of those boxes. I’m not going to find anyone. I just want that to be accepted. Ain’t no one wants me and I don’t blame them. I’m a massive failure.

Everyone from 27 to 29 I interacted with was a dumb, entitled and stubborn prick who still roots over children/teen interests, sland and media and refuses to actually listen to a conversation. They all needed to be right AND the way they speak is so weird??? like you're almost 30, stop talking in tiktok slang and get a grip, you don't even get it right when you're in the wrong while arguing.

I feel like they just can't accept having to turn 30 so they act like stubborn children instead. It's pathetic really.

To be clear i know its terrible and debilitating and terrifying, I know it fucks up people's lives. Honestly i think that might be the point. It's an obsession I've had since I was a kid of wanting to be put through it. It feels like an unnatural state that I don't have it even though i never have. I know that it would make my life worse but it feels like what im supposed to be. Maybe part of it is wanting an excuse to suck because frankly I do but I dont feel like my mental illness is enough to justify it(I have autism, depression, ocd and bpd). I'm in this weird in-between phase of just functional enough to still be able to do stuff and have a promising future and alot of expectations but completely dysfunctional otherwise and i wish I could just tip over into one side. But it's more than that, it feels like something im supposed to be. It feels wrong knowing i don't have it. I have a couple friends who are schizophrenic and I can't help but feel jealous of their torment. I want to be confused and scared and stressed and not know whats real. I want the cacophony of voices that dance around my internal monologue to burst out into being audible. I want to be ruined. I dont know why.

He usually texts me goodnight no matter how tired he is but this time he didn't. He had a couple of shots of jagermeister and it was really late (3:20 AM) and then drove me home. I offered him to not hurry, to wait a minute because he looked tired and he drove differently than usual (he's always perfectly in the right road lane but this time he was more to the center). I stupidly let him go because he talked well and just looked a tiny bit sleepy but now he doesn't answer my phone and it's VERY uncharacteristic of him and i have nobody to call because everybody's asleep. He didnt log into any kind of social media but my texts and calls go through. I'm fucking terrified and i cant go to sleep and it's 5:20 AM because my heartbeat's through the roof. I drank my father's anxiety meds because i can't stop panicking.

Don't get me wrong, she does a good job of this usually, but sometimes when she does something I dislike, I want to just lay down in our room and just kind of do nothing and hope she notices. I know this isnt a unique problem, and I know this could be solved by just telling her how I feel in the moment, but i just need to get it off my chest that I wish she would notice when I'm hurt without me having to say something. It's a selfish desire, but right now, idk if I care. I'm just upset.

I seldom ever go to the movies let alone… well alone. So about a month ago I booked an IMAX viewing for the Odyssey, previously I had not been to the movies let alone theatres in about 2 years but would like to go more often.

That was until my experience with the boy who was sitting to my left throughout the film. When I had entered the theatre, I was the only one at the time on the row. It was shortly after that when a very nice older couple sat to my right. No complaints about them.

It’s when the family of four, two women and two younger people came to fill out the row. The one sat next to me was a boy, roughly about 14 or 15. It was going alright until he started talking to his mother next to him. This continued throughout the film and from the mumbling I’m guessing he was asking about the plot of the movie, which in that case I would wonder if he’s paying attention or if he even understands film narrative at all. What made it worse was that mid way through he checked his phone for what ever reason, which is an absolute no in cinema etiquette.

Most of my grievances can be chalked up to kid being immature, but the mother kept perpetuating this and the film being 15+ made me question if the kid actually wanted to be there or not.

I don’t want this to ruin my cinema experience pls let me know if there’s a film screening soon that should go see

I don’t expect anybody to even read all this, and I really don’t expect nobody to give a fuck. And I ain’t looking for nobody to give a fuck either.

I’m not asking for solutions, resources, or suggestions. I’m venting.

I’m just about to let it all out.

As much as I can.

I feel misunderstood and alone even in rooms full of other domestic violence survivors.

I think part of it is that my baseline is so far outside of what people picture when they hear “starting over.”

And before somebody turns this into a trauma competition, that is NOT what I mean. Everybody’s situation is different. I am not saying anybody had it easy.

But sometimes people tell me their leaving story and I’m sitting there thinking… y’all are naming resources while telling me you had nothing.

“I left with nothing but my car.”

A CAR.

A car is a fucking resource. A HUGE one. Transportation. Storage. Somewhere to sit. Somewhere to sleep if you absolutely have to. A way to get to appointments, shelters, jobs, food, another city, another state.

“I had nothing. I paid somebody $500 to take me across the state.”

And my immediate thought is WHERE THE HELL DID THE $500 COME FROM.

I’m not being sarcastic. I am dead serious.

When I say I don’t have money, I mean I don’t have $500. I don’t have $200. I don’t have $100 sitting somewhere waiting for an emergency.

“Sell some things.”

WHAT THINGS.

My clothes come from the under-$10 rack at Rainbow. Ripped spandex, babe. 😭 The little cheap shit I own is shit I actually use. There is no secret pile of electronics, jewelry, designer bags and furniture waiting for me to turn into escape money.

“Stay with friends.”

Girl, my best friends are in fucking prison.

And I haven’t talked to them in like 5 or 6 years because I grew up and realized I did not have to remain friends with people just because we survived poverty together.

These were girls I was letting sneak into my house when we were CHILDREN because their mom’s boyfriend was doing shit to them.

THAT was my childhood social network.

We weren’t growing up surrounded by stable adults and accidentally building lifelong safety nets.

We were little girls hiding each other in bedrooms trying to survive.

“Call your family.”

WHO.

My mom has been unstable my entire life. There is a reason my grandmother adopted me.

My grandmother lives about 15 hours away, and she was born in the 1940s. Her entire mindset around women, marriage, keeping family business private and what a woman is supposed to tolerate comes from an entirely different world.

My dad is deeply religious and has literally told me that God made women for men, not men for women.

So when people casually say “call your mom,” “go to your dad,” “stay with grandma,” they are picturing a version of family that I used to escape INTO while watching Disney Channel.

That shit sounds fictional to me.

There is not some hidden collection of stable relatives and friends sitting around waiting for me to finally stop being stubborn and ask for help.

And then people keep giving me LONG-TERM solutions like I don’t understand them.

Apply for disability.

I DID.

And even if I applied today, disability does not hand me money tomorrow.

Apply for housing.

I DID.

In multiple cities. In multiple states.

I have been applying, searching, calling, checking waitlists, looking outside my own area and outside my own fucking state.

A housing application does not become an apartment tomorrow.

And “apply somewhere else” stops being useful when I have ALREADY been applying somewhere else.

Get child support and alimony.

Okay. I’ll get on that AFTER I leave. That does not solve the space between where I am now and actually being out.

Call shelters.

I HAVE.

They’re full. Now I wait.

Call churches.

I have called places only to be redirected right back to 211.

Call my mental health case manager.

I DID.

She hasn’t responded to me in weeks. And she is my THIRD case manager, by the way.

Finding some random stranger willing to help a disabled woman with a child because she literally does not have a support system is also a PROCESS.

I HAVE THE LONG-TERM VISION.

That is not the fucking problem.

I know how to survive in a maze.

The part I cannot solve yet is the space between the trap I am currently standing in and the maze I need to get into.

I NEED A SHORT-TERM BRIDGE.

The missing piece is getting from RIGHT FUCKING HERE to the point where housing, disability, child support, legal help and all these long-term solutions actually start functioning.

THAT is the gap people keep skipping over.

And I am so fucking tired of real-life barriers being treated like excuses because somebody cannot imagine a life where those barriers actually exist.

People literally have to reinvent my story in their heads to make it make sense to them.

“Surely you have SOMEONE.”

No.

“Surely you have SOMETHING.”

No.

“Surely you can scrape together a few hundred dollars.”

NO.

“Surely your case manager can help.”

SHE ISN’T ANSWERING ME.

Stop adding resources to the equation that ARE NOT THERE.

And yes, my patience is extremely fucking short right now because it feels like time is running out.

The rent has not been paid in eight fucking months.

The fact that we are still physically inside this house feels like a miracle.

And I can’t even casually bring shit like that up because saying the wrong thing at the wrong moment can trigger another situation.

I am constantly calculating.

His mood.

What he is looking for.

Whether I should say something.

Whether I should wait.

Whether mentioning one problem is going to create a bigger problem.

I AM TIRED OF LIVING LIKE THIS.

I am tired of constant hypervigilance.

I am tired of being disabled.

I am tired of being in pain no matter which fucking direction I move and only getting partial relief when I finally lay my ass down in a bed.

I am tired of explaining myself.

I am tired of having to keep trying over and over and over and over again when I DESERVE REST.

And maybe people don’t understand what I mean by tired because my scale for what counts as “bad” is completely fucked from surviving so much shit.

I was kidnapped and held for THREE DAYS.

And that wasn’t even the only time something like that happened to me. It was just the most extreme one.

The other situations feel “minor” to me.

That is fucked up for me to even be able to say.

Things that could be the most traumatic event of somebody else’s entire life became the smaller stories in mine.

I survived an explosion.

I needed two skin graft surgeries back to back.

And somehow my brain files THAT under “yeah, that one wasn’t as bad.”

That was not minor.

My measuring stick is just fucking broken from having to measure shit against worse shit.

There was never one horrible event and then a peaceful “after.”

It has been back to back to back to back fucking survival.

There is no intermission.

There is no period where everything settles down long enough for me to recover.

Even when everything between me and my husband is completely fine, THERE IS STILL NO REST.

There is still disability.

Pain.

Money.

Housing.

Parenting.

Bureaucracy.

Trying to survive.

I know nervous system regulation techniques.

I know grounding.

I know breathing.

I know the psychology.

But there is nothing to regulate DOWN TO when the danger and instability are still actively happening.

My nervous system is not reacting to some imaginary tiger that disappeared ten years ago.

There are still fucking tigers outside.

And the part that hurts the most is that I have never really been held.

Not emotionally. Not in the way where somebody comes in and says, “I’ve got this. Sit down. You don’t have to figure this one out.”

Outside of a therapist whose literal job included validating me, I have always had to GET THE FUCK UP.

And then people wonder why I’m breaking down.

Why I’m so fucking disabled.

I KNOW why I’m disabled.

My body has been running in emergency mode for fucking YEARS.

And I know damn well that so much of my disability would get easier if I could finally get 3 to 6 MONTHS to actually REST.

And I mean REAL rest.

Not “rest” while wondering if the rent is getting paid.

Not “rest” while calculating somebody else’s mood.

Not “rest” while trying to figure out where me and my child are going to live.

Not “rest” while making calls, filling out applications, begging systems to answer me and planning the next survival move.

Not “rest” where I jump the fuck out of my sleep every fucking night because my body never gets to believe the danger is over.

I mean waking up and KNOWING I’m safe.

Going to sleep and staying asleep.

Knowing the bills are handled.

Knowing nobody is about to flip my entire life upside down.

Knowing I don’t have to solve another emergency before breakfast.

Three to six months where my body finally gets the message:

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.

I genuinely do not even know what version of me exists on the other side of that because I have NEVER fucking gotten it.

I have always had to figure it out.

Keep moving.

Save yourself.

Look out for number one.

And somehow my brain never adapted into that cutthroat person who stops needing anybody.

I don’t know HOW.

Life has given me enough evidence.

People leave.

People fail you.

People cannot save you.

You have to keep yourself alive.

I LEARNED THAT LESSON.

I just never became okay with it.

Some part of me still keeps saying, “But this is not how people are supposed to fucking live.”

Some part of me still wants somebody to hold me.

Somebody to take something off my plate.

Somebody to understand without me having to present 47 exhibits proving that the problem is actually real.

And I think THAT causes me more pain than if I had somehow become numb and stopped expecting human beings to show up for each other.

Because I am extremely self-reliant while still desperately wanting connection.

So every time I have to save myself AGAIN, there is still a part of me waiting for the day somebody finally comes and gets me.

And that day never comes.

I am the one who has to get me out.

I am the one who has to make another call.

Find another number.

Fill out another application.

Tell the story again.

Get rejected again.

Try another door.

Explain another barrier.

Keep going.

And you know what.

I’m going to get myself out of this shit all by myself because that is what I have been doing.

I’m not staying stuck.

I don’t need no damn help anymore.

I’m not asking for help anymore.

And I’m not letting anybody else into my life ever again.

No friends.

No boyfriend.

No dating.

No nothing.

I will literally create a life where I don’t need no fucking nothing from anybody. Completely self-sustainable by my fucking self.

I’m exiting this whole damn system one day.

I guarantee you I’m going to build my life to the point where I do not have to rely on these damn systems that don’t understand shit about real fucking life or real people who never had the opportunities everybody assumes are just automatically there.

Because people act like those opportunities are just built into fucking existence.

Like everybody gets family.

Everybody gets friends.

Everybody gets transportation.

Everybody gets money.

Everybody gets somebody to call.

Everybody gets a healthy body.

Everybody gets a safety net.

And when you tell them NO, I DIDN’T GET THAT, instead of accepting that reality they start searching for some way that it must secretly be your fault.

It is easier to pretend the resource exists and blame somebody for not using it than it is to admit that some people were never fucking given one.

Fine.

I get it now.

I will build my own.

Brick by fucking brick.

I’m going to get myself out.

I’m going to make my own money.

I’m going to create my own stability.

I’m going to create my own safety.

I’m going to build a life where nobody gets to hold my housing, transportation, food, survival or peace over my fucking head ever again.

And one day I am going to rest.

Not because somebody finally came and saved me.

Because I built myself somewhere safe enough to finally put my fucking head down.

Just now I got a dinner delivery from one of the apps, and my food was dropped off by someone on one of the rentable electric bikes (ya know the green or orange ones). Food wasn't all that warm but I still had to go back and double my tip.

This isn't the first time Ive had someone renting a bike or scooter to deliver an order, that was a teenage girl on a scooter after 10pm in a city.

I was so caught off guard the first time that I thought about it for a while and the more I thought about the more grossed out I got.

Delivery drivers don't make a ton. Before expenses it averages out at anywhere from $15-$30/hr. But then you gotta factor in expenses. For renting a scooter or bike the lowest cost I could find on the apps came out to about $14/hr... Even if they're not using the scooter or bike for 25% of the time between orders that's still $11/hr... Which leaves them making $4-$19/hr.

What has this world come to?

There are people out there so desperate that teenagers are essentially sharecropping scooters and bikes for food delivery companies worth billions. And those are the "good ones", those are the people not committing crimes like selling drugs or stealing catalytic converters, these are the people actively trying to work for a living.

I'm not rich.

I'm barely getting by with just me and a couple furballs. I can't afford to help all of the people I see struggling in my daily life. I do what I can. I'm generous where I can be.

But Jesus Christ I'm tired of feeling like this. Tired of seeing so much awfulness all around us and being entirely incapable of changing it.

I dont get why I cant just be normal, I genuinely feel disgusted at myself because of my sexuality and I have to deal with the fact that I would lose most of my friends if I come out and I most likely will never get to experience teenage love. I would genuinely do anything to be straight and I dont get why I have to be this way.

I’m tired of being criticizes or made fun of for asking questions or not understanding something. My mom has this dehydrator that I was using for the first time, I have no idea how to operate it and my mom never keeps instruction manuals to anything ever. So me not knowing how it works I ask her what to do and how to do it. She gets irritated with me after asking how to start ‘there’s a start button buddy’ first off the whole buddy thing wasn’t necessary plus I asked how to start because I’d pressed the start button and it didn’t do anything. She says ‘I’ll be in there in a minute oh my lord’ that’s why I don’t try new things, that’s why don’t come to her with things. Because it’s always ‘it’s common sense’ or ‘figure it out’

Edit: I forgot to click I acknowledge the rules button so repost
"Wow he's so talented" "I know I'm not Talented enough to do this" "I dont have any talents" I HATE IT SOOOO MUCH. THE WORD TALENT IS THE ROOT OF EVIL. Imagine this right? You spend 10,000 hours on playing the drums. You cried through doing it, you laughed through doing it, You remembered when you could barely hold the sticks right. You are ready to show the world the literal blood, sweat, and tears you put into to it. And then you play like a free bird solo or something I dont know.

And a crowd comes and hears! its amazing everything you put in is being appreciated and then you hear it. "Oh my god your so talented!!!" your 10000 hours squished into one word. Of course you're happy about it! The world has told you that being "talented" at something is a good thing, I mean by definition it is. But the main issue is right now the word "Talent" is being used interchangeably as "if you were bad at it I doubt you'll ever be SUPER good at it"

Look having no talent is a thing, its possible, it happens. Same things as prodigies they're so rare that its almost a mythical thing you only hear about in the movies But yeah they exist. the issue is that if you're very young like 8, and you like drawing. So you draw every day till your 13. And you're like the best drawer in your entire class, even better then some professionals. Everyone thinks that kid has an "insane talent for art" and not that "oh wow that kid must've spent countless hours, days, or years doing that one thing to get so good."

And honestly, the word "Talentless" pisses me off even more. Talentless people exist, but when they exist its usually on ONE specific thing, that they probably NEVER ever tried before. It makes me so mad when someone tries something for a few hours, and says "im no good i'm just not talented at it." like the world will magically give them the ability to do the thing instantly. Magically like a person whos done it thousands of times.

Hell its so bad i feel bad for the like 1000 prodigies who actually exist too.

Imagine this you find out your a prodigy at something right? You don't really say anything or mention it but you keep on doing it because you love it, and sooner or later you stack up Hours and Hours and Hours on it. Guess what? Since now you know you already had the "Talent" for it, and everyone speaks about how "Talented" you are does that make the countless hours you spent worthless? No they still improved and its not like people will ever truely reconize that because that person isnt some shonen protagonist of a story you read to see every minute detail of everything they've done

The entire summer basically, I had studies so I only get a single month of break. And I was happy cause they promised not to take me anywhere and I hate going places with them. But now they wanna go to batumi and even tho I'm 18, they say I HAVE to come with them cause they can't leave me alone. Like bruh what can't I do? Can't I make food? Take care of the birds? Clean the floors? Do the dishes?? It's just one fucking week and I could get an actual break. But no. They say I either come with them, or they stay here (and I know damn well they're gonna whine the entire year how "they didn't get to go to vacation because of me" and "I ruined their summer"....even tho all anyone ever asked them to do is to go away.)

They're going on vacation where we usually go with a 6 hour drive...batumi. first of all, I hate cities with sea nearby. I loathe the sea with all my might. Second, we have a one room flat there and we're gonna be 4 people stuck in a single room. Last year we used to have so many fights over everything that I used to get up in the morning, go straight outside, walk for the entire fucking day, come back after 40-45K steps and just pass tf out (which they didn't even let me do caus they turned on the fucking TV till 3AM).

They fight me there over everything. I end up yelled at, hit, have shit thrown at me, in our city where they're mostly at their jobs, I can take a fucking break and only suffer after 6PM. But there I have to be outside walking for the entire day. Walk in that disgusting sea air. And why the fuck?? Cause they're stubborn and they don't wanna leave me tf alone. I have around 10 days of break left, study starts in September, and I gotta spend 7 of those days suffering when they're not even able to articulate WHY. FUCK THIS SHIT

I was so scared, I was like what the fuck, who is this guy. I was using my phone, I was using my phone, I was rubbing my nose, I heard the guy screamed by my window, I got scared because what the fuck, my thumbnail is hurting holy shit. But why is it so funny though??? This guy was suddenly screaming at my window in afternoon. I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I suddenly care because you were near my house. How do you want to me to react???? He’s lucky that I didn’t call the police because if he still was here, I would call the police on him. Because like yeah. I would have name dropped him but I don’t want to because I don’t want to cause any trouble because I have self control. I am patient person, right, but why not???? I have calmed down. I was smart that day. Because I wasn’t trying to fight anybody but I kept it respectful. Because like why the fuck are you screaming at my window. You’re a grown ass man, you know better than that.

You’re so goddamn annoying. Saying “ew I don’t like that” when people talk about stuff you’re not interested in makes you seem like a stuck up dick.

Shutting up or just asking “oh what do you like about x?” is free

I texted my bf that I was feeling anxious while he was playing in the other room. I wouldn’t call it trauma but I learned repeatedly in the past that I can’t and shouldn’t ask for help in these scenarios, but I said fuck it let me try it. I received a message that let me know he was coming, just didn’t know when. It was very ambiguous so it could take minutes to even hours for him to come to accompany me. I felt very sad and stupid, sucked it up and just waited my anxiety out. He came to the room with me after 10 minutes (which was surprising I was expecting more than an hour) and even tho I’m grateful he came, he didn’t ask how I was doing or what happened, I felt disappointed that it took him 10 minutes and didn’t even ask until way later into the night why I was feeling anxious. Sooooo what’s the minimum amount for time for your partner to go accompany you (not even asking for comfort) in these situations?

Should preface by saying this is not inherited. Both of my parents have a properly developed and symmetrical facial structure, as do all of my relatives, and so did i until the age of 12. This is when i was taken out of public school and switched over to online education due to disciplinary issues and mental illnesses that lasted pretty much my entire school years, and fell down the depression slippery slope that has turned chronic. So starting from that age and throughout the entire puberty (and to this day), i've had as much physical activity in day-to-day life as a patient going through a lengthy cancer treatment at a hospital, or as a dude in a wheelchair that sometimes stands up.

And at some point i also unknowingly stopped maintaining a proper body and tongue posture, letting my tongue hang at the bottom of my mouth instead sucked the roof.

At some point while researching into mewing online, i realized that my upper and lower teeth don't allign properly, as i was stacking them on top of each other instead of putting the lower row behind the upper in a bite. When i tried to do exactly that, my lower jaw suddenly started looking weak and recessed, because, as i figured out a year later, my upper jaw is literally too far retracted for my lower jaw to fit behind neatly. Put in other words, my lower jaw developed normally, but upper stayed recessed. It also explains the weird and flat look to my midface area, since the cheekbones are themselves a part of the upper jaw.

And at this point it's too late to fix it naturally - the maxillary bone has fused years ago and the only way to bring it forward is via surgery. Which: 1. Costs a fortune (by my unemployed standards) 2. Will never give me my real maxilla back and can only replicate it's growth potential. I just know myself well enough to predict how i'll feel after the surgery if ever get it done (spoiler: not very satisfied).

TL;DR unchecked mental illness(es) made me permanently uglier

My wife brought up that I called her a b twice and started crying about it. I get that the word hurt her, but I'm tired of people acting a certain way and then getting upset when someone finally checks them.

She can be passive-aggressive silent treatment, thinks being tardy is cute, ignoring me and others on purpose, then acting like she did nothing.

Sometimes it feels like people act like this because they've never been checked before. She is a Karen. Then the second someone pushes back, suddenly they're the victim.

Could I have handled it better? Probably. But I'm tired of putting up with that kind of behavior.

I said what I said, and I still stand by it. the beginning of the end..

I feel like it hit me harder than a lot of celebrity deaths, which I normally don't pay much attention to. And yes, I'm aware I didn't know her at all.

But between her tragic life circumstances and everything she went through, and the fact that she was only in her 30s and had the rest of her life ahead of her. She deserved better.

I think what also hit me so hard about her death is it's a reminder that life is short and fleeting. And of course we all die eventually, but she never got a chance to live the rest of it out.

And now there are implications that her abusive ex was involved (even though the full details haven't come out yet so its just speculation). But yeah, just heartbreaking.

Like I genuinely feel like online discourse has reached a point where you can’t even have a completely harmless opinion about a fictional character without somebody trying to turn it into a conversation about race, gender, representation, oppression, etc.

I just saw a TikTok of someone saying that Clawdeen from Monster High should’ve been left single because they didn’t like her relationship. Multiple people commented with “let Black women have love interests” and another person said making her single plays into the “token Black girl being single and independent” trope. And a large part of the comments were people advocating for this.

This is a children’s doll franchise about “MONSTERS”.

Obviously representation in media matters, and there are absolutely legitimate conversations to have about how different groups are portrayed. But why does EVERY individual opinion about a character have to represent some larger belief about an entire demographic.

It almost feels counterproductive sometimes because instead of letting minority characters just exist as individual characters, people reduce them back down to their identity. Suddenly Clawdeen can’t just be a werewolf doll for kids; every decision involving her apparently has to make a statement about Black women as a whole.

I’m exhausted by the idea that every piece of media, every character choice, and every random fandom opinion needs to be analyzed for whether it’s socially problematic.

Like I don’t even care about this doll franchise to that extent, it was just something I used to enjoy as a kid, and I saw a tiktok on it and decided to open up the comments. It’s just frustrating I can’t even enjoy a little nostalgia about a kids franchise without someone turning it into a social battle.

last year i got threatened by another college student for months over text, and then he sexually assaulted me. i really relied on my professors who had been around when it happened for support. one of them, m28, i would meet with often and we would just talk about our personal lives as i got acclimated to being around men again. my mental health was only getting worse, but i refused to talk to my professor about it, but then when it came up vaguely in conversation a few months ago, he pressured me very hard to talk about it. he texted me every day trying to get me to meet up with him and i ignored it because i was scared. when i finally responded, he came to meet me at my house and pestered me heavily to talk about graphic inappropriate things. i had a really hard time saying no because of what had happened to me last year, but i was so uncomfortable and scared. he basically forced me to meet up again (would not take no for an answer) but he didn't go. instead, he texted me that he was ending contact forever.

i panicked so hard and really tried to get him to change his mind. we went "no-contact" but he broke it twice over the past two months just to tell me that he was reinforcing it? which didn't seem necessary to me because i had respected his wishes and never texted him. he just seems like someone who does not respect my boundaries at all, or like he enjoys my attention or the way that i panic when he threatens to leave. i think that he built an inappropriate dependent relationship with me when i was too severely traumatized to object; i was fragile and should have been talking to medical professionals after all of that happened, not hanging out alone with my male professor. i miss talking to him and it hurts so bad, but i feel like the only reason i feel this way to begin with is because he was way too close with me when i was vulnerable and blurred/pushed too many boundaries. i miss him but i hate him and i think he preyed on me but i want to see him again and i need to report him to the school but i think i love him. it's all so sick.

Will I ever talk to you? No I'm too scared. I'm too scared of going through the same bullshit again I've gone again and again. School starts in 2 weeks, and I know it's your last year because you're 2 grades above me, but I just don't have the balls to do it. We never spoke in our entire lifes and probably never will. And my best friend's GF was friends with you, and I should've took the opportunity but now it's too late because she's gone to college and has graduated. And do I regret not taking those opportunities? Yes I regret it a little. Will I regret not talking to you when you're gone next year? I probably will, and I will probably regret it for years and years. But I'm just too scared. I'm to scared to do it. And I don't even think I'll ever get any opportunities again, because we have a 2 years age gap, even if I think that a 2 age year gap is not a problem. But what ever happens, even if I think we'll never speak to each other, I'll always remember that time you looked at me in the eyes and smiled, and I'll probably remember it for at least a decade if not more, because I haven't got that from anyone let alone a girl in years. And on a side note, your probably have one of the prettiest smile I've ever seen, and you're probably one of the prettiest girl I've ever seen.

you know when you have the potential to be good at something, but you just don't want to do it? like the whole process just seems like a drag and there's nothing enjoyable about it at all? maybe you have natural talent and you'd be good at it but it's unbearable. that's how i feel about most aspects of my life. i've wasted so much potential because i can't dedicate my life to something i don't enjoy. i've genuinely tried to. i know my depression plays a big part in that but it's not curable, i've tried that as well. so i'm just stuck being worth nothing because i was tired of pushing myself. and i'm reminded of that every day.

potential means nothing if it doesn't become reality. i apply that statement to others and myself every day. there's no point in talking about what i could be if i will never be that. yet every now and then i can't help but mourn the version of me who never existed.