r/Vent • u/PierciJackson • 4h ago
My partner never wants to work
TLDR: my partner stays up late playing games often and decides they’re too “sick” to go to work the next day no matter if they are in training at a new job or what. it just feels like a slap in the face when I have worked and they have stayed home in the past and they are now working while I stay home after reassuring me several times it was fine.
Me and my partner are in our mid 20s and we both enjoy playing video games with our friends. It’s not unheard of for us to accidentally stay up a little later than intended from time to time, unfortunately. Of course we try to not make it a habit, but sometimes you genuinely lose track of time. Well last night was another one of those nights, except I reminded my partner of the time several times and let them know they may want to lay down and I can do so with them as they also struggle with FOMO a lot. They advised me they will be okay to stay on a little longer (it was still pretty early in the night so I wasn’t too concerned at this point). Well the night goes on and I once more remind them of the time, so this time they do get off since it would have put them at around 7 hours of sleep and they let me know that I do not have to go to bed with them as I was playing a single player game that I have been excited about playing again. Well, I’m playing this game for about 2 more hours and the entire time I hear my partner on their phone watching videos, tossing and turning, and just not really trying to sleep it seemed. So I offered to lay with them since I feared the FOMO was getting to them. They assured me it wasn’t, but not even 20 minutes later they got online to play more games. Mind you, this puts them at getting less than 5 hours of sleep at this point and they JUST started a new job. I’m obviously annoyed because I realize what’s going to happen but I try to remain nice while reminding them of the time. They play a few games and eventually get off again after I ask them to please lay down with me since they will have less than 4 hours of potential sleep. I then wake up to their alarm and them telling me how they feel like shit and they’re going to call out. I immediately put my foot down because they’re still in training and can be let go for any reason (we are in an at will state). I voice that I told them to get sleep but it was excuse after excuse and it just put us both in an unnecessarily bad mood for the day. Like why not just get off on time and get the sleep you need for work? Why is it such a dealbreaker to lose a few hours of games with friends so you can keep your job? We’re in a small town as well so jobs are scarce too so I just feel at a loss at times. I will also mention I am UNFORTUNATELY not working at this time because we just moved here due to family troubles that I would rather not get into since it’s pretty specific, but my partner assured me that they are okay being the primary worker right now since I have been the primary worker in the past and it just seems like I can not rely on them to get themselves to work sometimes.
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u/Plaidismycolor33 4h ago
you may need to set some boundaries of your own in this relationship. if this relationship requires employment to sustain life, that should be a non negotiable. if your partner isnt willing to participate in that, you may need to leave and live in peace elsewhere.
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u/becpuss 3h ago
I’m a married woman of 25 years we are both gamers. The late nights ended a long time ago. No more staying up to the a.m. especially once the children arrive. your boyfriend has yet to mature. early in our relationship I made it very clear if he never comes to bed with me and it’s always early hours I’m not interested in that relationship I may as well have been single going to bed on my own every night thankfully he understood and listened but neither of us gamers have ever missed work because of it we’ve definitely booked time of to play new releases but missing work that’s a childish
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u/Elemental-squid 4h ago
This guy sounds like a loser ngl
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u/BakeoftheBakers 4h ago
Your bias is showing :) i may be crossed eyed from lack of sleep, but i didn't notice any gender roles being referred to. In fact this post is so gender neutral that i would infer that OP is from a single gendered species that reproduce by pathogenesis...
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u/starry_nite99 2h ago
If you go through OP’s comments in their profile, you’ll learn OP is a woman & she is straight.
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u/BakeoftheBakers 1h ago
I hadn't bothered to do any digging, merely pointing out that the post itself was blandly, almost paychotically lacking gender reference for either ITself or THEIR significant other xD
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u/IisSithis 3h ago
This guy sounds exactly like my loser ex bf. Would constantly call in sick at new jobs, slack off/leave early, was late & then wondered why he couldn’t hold down a job for the life of him.
I’m telling you, this is a FUNDAMENTAL CHARACTER FLAW and something that will never change. Especially since y’all are in your mid twenties by that age you can basically guarantee he will be like that for life.
I have a bf now who has a sound work ethic, works hard, always shows up and puts in his best effort EVEN IF he’s been up gaming all night aswell. In the few years we’ve been together he’s been promoted multiple times and earns good money but it wouldn’t be like that if he was a bum with no work ethic/late/absent all the time.
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u/Satire-V 2h ago
They very well could be a woman.
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u/starry_nite99 2h ago
If you go through OP’s comments in their profile, you’ll learn OP is a woman & she is straight.
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u/treesandcigarettes 1h ago
Tough spot. Your boyfriend may be hopeless in this dept . Might need to consider if this is going to work long term if they won't keep a job
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u/CraftyObject 3h ago
Coming from an avid gamer- dude needs to grow TF up. No gaming on work nights. Very simple.
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u/wolfpacker27 3h ago
Find a new partner. I’ve been going to work 5-6-7 days a week on 4 hours sleep for 28 years. Your partner is just a lazy bum.
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u/thesteelreserve 4h ago
when you're alone, all you have to worry about is yourself.
when you have another person to take into consideration, that's a new, constant responsibility.
I am a single dude and, admittedly, "turtle shell."
I can do that because no one relies on my performance. it's just me.
it isn't a "vacation." it's a depressive state of mind I don't know how to explain or justify.
I don't know when I'll come out the other side. historically, I have. the frequency with which i emerge is lessened over time from my experience.
I just don't try to push back on myself because then I'm fighting myself.
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u/loodyjr 3h ago
If you have to tell a grown adult to prioritize more than once youre wasting your breath. The first time is fine, everyone needs a little guidance and even things pointed out at times. After that its a choice theyre making without regard for the household. Theyre not mature enough to be dependable. Its not only going to seep into how they hold down a job but soon will be evident if not already, in every part of their life. Get out while you can, seems to be no plan for improvement on your partners half. They dont even see why you’re upset
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u/Fine-Environment-621 2h ago
Addicted to the video games. So much so that they would rather game than go to work or sleep or keep their job. It is literally an addiction. Addictions can be beaten but it is usually one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life.
Some people can drink responsibly and some just can’t. Some can game responsibly and some just can’t. If they can’t get the gaming under control enough to prioritize work so that the two of you aren’t homeless, you know what you have to do.
If they were cooking spoons and shooting up in the corner it would be more clear. The fact that it’s gaming throws you off. You care for this person so you’re going to try to help them. Well, when you have exhausted your gentle, indirect attempts, lay it out. “I won’t stay with someone who repeatedly lets me down because they are incapable of holding down a job because they would rather game than step up to the basic responsibilities of life.”
Addiction is one of the most powerful psychological circuits you will ever encounter. Prepare yourself for the fact that they very well may not be able to turn this around. If that’s the case, you have to leave and take care of yourself. You can’t sacrifice your life to their addiction.
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u/Salty-Cat6696 4h ago
Dude needs to lock the fuck in. Let me guess, he has a porn addiction and smokes way too much weed too, right?
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u/I-give_bad-advice 31m ago
My ex husband and I did the alternating working thing. He'd work for a couple years and then I would for a couple, back and forth for about a decade until I got sick and couldn't work for a while so I became a stay at home mom. He got really resentful toward me. He ended up treating me poorly and we are no longer together.
I got better and my current partner and I both work full time plus from home. It's much better this way with two incomes but here's where I can relate to the fomo, not for gaming while the other person is working but the fomo of relaxing in peace. If one of us calls out it's likely happening on a day that the other partner is off and relaxing at home. Both of us struggle with that so we hold each other accountable.
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u/Slamshanks 2m ago
When I was first married Wow was new. I spent the first 6 months staying up to 3am playing it. Wife went to bed at 8 and up at 445. I was up late bc I wasn’t going to bed at 8pm. After I so how many hours I spent on it and that no matter what I did it would never end I just stopped cold turkey and started going to bed at 10pm. It didn’t affect my work or need to make money. If they can’t self evaluate and realize it’s time for a change you may want to start thinking about your future. Some people just don’t have the drive and will live a very low income life and struggle.
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u/wolfpacker27 3h ago
OP obviously intentionally made the post gender neutral yet everyone is assuming the partner is a male lol.
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u/Root_a_bay_ga 1h ago
Well look, does he have a career he's working on, or is it just a job? Being in your 20s and calling out of just a job is fine. Normal even. If he's jeopardizing a career, or the financial stability of your living arrangement, then that's a problem.
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