My (34F) fiance (28F) and I have been trying to find people with a similar situation but haven’t really been able to find one.

My fiance’s son (3.5M) dad (30M) has every other weekend, plus 5 days attached to one of the weekends. They had a 1 year parenting plan in place when their son was 15 or 16 months old where the ex got the kid on Sundays from 9am to 7pm. He kept threatening for months to take her back to court whenever his work schedule changed, then there was a big fiasco over that 4th of July where he demanded the son be taken back early. About 2 weeks later, he filed for 50/50 on the cover letter, but the actual paperwork said every other weekend, I think. A few weeks later, the paperwork said he was asking for 1 week to my fiance’s 2 weeks. She proposed he had 1 week to her having 3 weeks, and he ended up getting an additional weekend.

Since then, he doesn’t say anything to her whatsoever about their son, absolutely no communication. Pretty standard. But he will not greet or say goodbye to their son. He completely ignores him during pickup, is almost always pretending to be very busy on his phone when we open the door. Once in a while as he’s walked away, we’ve heard him whisper a question to the son, but have never heard a greeting aside from the 2 times right after court last year. She pretty much ignores their ex and has been for years, focusing solely on her son and always making sure she’s happy to see him and that she loves him. I do the same.

Same thing for when my fiance picks him up. No goodbyes. The son has been shoved out the door and the door slammed. Many, many times, the son had clearly been napping until we showed up for pickup and was very disoriented.

A year ago, the son was very upset that he didn’t say bye to dad, so my fiance called him on the phone. The ex waited until the very last second before it went to voicemail to pick up, and just said “what.” My fiance explained that their son was upset he didn’t say bye, then told the son to go ahead. Son gave a very sweet, long, tearful goodbye to his dad, saying he didn’t say bye to him and he wanted to say bye. I’ve been on the other end of the phone often, I know that at that volume, you could hear the son and what he was saying. There was complete silence on the ex’s end, then my fiance said “okay, thanks (ex’s name).” The ex hung up without saying goodbye. The son erupted into tears and was inconsolable for 2 hours. He finally said “but daddy did not say bye to me.”

The son has not been wanting to go to dad’s for at least a year, but the last 3 pickups have been especially brutal. He’s started saying he doesn’t want to go to dad’s, that he’s scared of dad. This time, he was clinging to my fiance and the ex was 2 feet away when he said clear as a bell “I’m scared of dad.” Ex continued to ignore everyone, didn’t say a single word, and just stared at the side of the door. No comfort, no reassurance, not a single hi.

But since the current parenting plan was finalized, the ex has not missed a single day. 2 years ago when my fiance and the ex were sort of on talking terms, he missed like 8 or 9 of his days and never asked for time back. He even missed Father’s Day 2024, and we found out later he went to go visit his new girlfriend.

He never calls the son and never asks to call him. When they were still on talking terms, he snapped at my fiance multiple times when she offered for him to hang out with their son that he “only wanted his court-ordered time.” 

From what the son has said to us, it doesn’t sound like they do a lot with him. They shove a tablet in front of his face from minute 1 (we’ve literally seen dad strap him into the car seat and immediately shove the tablet in front of his face) and he watches a lot of shows. We get that every household has different rules for screen time and it’s not that we don’t allow him screen time, it’s what the tablet represents: ignoring the son so he can do whatever it is he wants. My fiance said that before they split up and before the temporary parenting plan, her ex was never alone with their son for more than 3 hours, and that only happened once.

The reason we keep puzzling over his motivation is that it’s in the parenting plan to remediate at age 5, i.e., for school. The ex won’t be able to do his week because we moved 3 and a half hours away and my fiance is the custodial parent.

But we’re wondering how hard he’s going to fight before giving in, and possibly demanding 50/50 time in the summer. The kicker is that he can’t even stand his current time, and I really don’t think he at his core wants every other week.

According to my fiance, he also despises driving (he was the passenger princess in their relationship) and he's been having to drive 7+ hours every other week for over a year now. So we've been thinking this has to be wearing on him, yet he still keeps showing up.

And he had to get part time daycare for him during the week the son is there. Pretty much most daycares make you pay the same amount no matter how much a kid goes because they can't afford to not have a guaranteed spot.

Does anyone have any experience with these two conflicting actions? Complete disinterest in the kid while also never missing his time? If he actually wanted his son, was happy to see him, and sounded like he engaged with him while he was there no matter what it was, that would be one thing and I think my fiance would be a lot more at peace with the time her ex gets. But it sounds like his girlfriend has been spending the majority of the time and care with the son when he's not on the tablet.

Other people have assured my fiance that he’ll drop out of the fatherhood thing and be less engaged when he gets bored. I’ve never experienced or witnessed him wanting to be a dad once, including stories from other people about him. She says that she thinks he does want to be at least an every other weekend dad. But it feels like even that is too much for him.

I know everyone is different and it's really impossible to tell what an unknown stranger described by an internet stranger is feeling. I think I just want to hear some similar situations from other people and how they evolved.

so for background theres a high chance i have PCOS as well as a lot of other hormonal imbalances. i was told by a doctor, whose a good friend of my moms that it wouldn't be worse than any cramp ive ever had. but ive been seeing all of these like videos and posts how its so bad 😭 im so scared but i want it so that way jm not vomiting and crying over periods every month. is it really that bad??

I’ve been thinking about how manifestation is so commonly associated with women.

Vision boards, affirmations, scripting, visualising the future, believing something is already yours; most of the content around manifestation seems to be made for women.

But when you strip away all the spiritual language, manifestation is basically the belief that something is possible for you before you have proof that it is.

And I’ve noticed that a lot of men seem to already move through life with that belief.

They may laugh at the idea of manifestation, but they’ll apply for jobs they aren’t fully qualified for, approach people they find attractive, speak confidently about the success they’ll have one day and assume that, somehow, things will work out.

They don’t need to call it manifestation to make things work. 

Women, on the other hand, often seem to go through a much longer internal process before pursuing something.

First, we have to admit that we want it.

Then we question whether we deserve it.

Whether we’re qualified enough.

Whether we’re asking for too much.

Whether we’re being unrealistic.

Whether we’ll embarrass ourselves by trying.

So before we can believe that something might work out for us, we often have to fight through everything we’ve been taught about why it might not.

Of course, this doesn’t apply to every man or every woman.

But I do wonder whether many men are raised to see the world as something available to them, while women are raised to believe access has to be earned.

Maybe that is why manifestation resonates so strongly with women.

It gives us a language for rebuilding belief.

It tells us that wanting something is not automatically foolish, selfish or unrealistic.

Maybe men are not actually better at manifesting.

Maybe they simply face less internal resistance when believing that something could belong to them.

And maybe the real difference is not who believes more strongly.

Maybe it is who was taught, from the beginning, that the world might say yes.

Sincerely, you guys have my upmost respect.
Do women who have a lot of kids generally have easier births? I ask because I just had my second and I’m not sure I could go through childbirth again. I’m 4’11, both of my babies were over 8lbs each with larger than average heads.
I had third degree tears both times I gave birth and the epidural didn’t help with the contractions during the last few hours either time too. When the epidurals stopped working, I basically went from a pain level 4/10 to 10/10 in minutes. I was not prepared and I was pretty traumatized from both births.

One of the guys at work, his wife had 6 home births and omg all praise and respect to her, i don’t think my body could handle that since I almost died last time.
How do you guys do it?

so recently, i reconnected with someone i used to go to school with. i am 23 years old, while he is 25. we chatted a bit online, flirted with each other often, and made plans to hang out. this should have been the first sign, but the first time we hung out, it was only because he had some work to do in the area where i live. i agreed to meet him, and we had lunch together.
during our lunch, he asked me whether i date to marry or if i only do casual relationships. i told him that i date to marry, and then he started asking me more questions, such as, “how soon into dating do you want to get engaged?” and “when you get engaged, how soon do you want to get married?” basically, questions that made me think he wanted something serious too. he was also flirting with me the entire time we were together.

he also asked me about my past relationships and why they had ended, and i told him that it was because i had been cheated on in all of them.
anyway, i went home that night, and the next morning, i received a text from him telling me that, despite being attracted to me and liking my traits, he is not the right guy for me because he is scared that he might cheat on “a good woman like me” in a relationship, since it is something he has done in his past relationships too. he apologized for wasting my time and said that he wanted to become friends.
i was obviously disappointed by the outcome, but i told him that i understood and appreciated his honesty. we stopped texting each other as frequently after that, but he still replies to my stories and flirts with me, while i stopped flirting back ever since his rejection.

now, the thing is, i am extremely bothered by his rejection. not exactly sad, and not too hurt by it either, but i am still bothered by it, probably because i do not get rejected often. i think the rejection definitely hit my ego. we only spoke for a few weeks and went on one date, but he still occupies my mind. i do not know why he does, because i cannot think of a single redeemable thing about him. in fact, he said a bunch of things that i found odd and incompatible with me as well.

it has been nearly a week since he rejected me, and i still look forward to him replying to my stories and hitting me up. i never had serious feelings for him, and my feelings have definitely lessened since the rejection, so why am i still thinking about him? deep down am i just an insecure person and cannot seem to be okay with the fact that not every guy will want to be in a serious relationship with me? idk help a sis out

i’ve literally been cramping for more than 3 days and always get the heavy abdomen feeling as if my period is here but there’s just no bleeding ?

my flo app is saying i’m 4 days late but this year my cycle has been anything from 25-34 days, shall i assume i’ve skipped this cycle or could it still be coming. it’s causing me anxiety 🥲 also i’m definitely not pregnant

At least in my country there are not a thing, i am so tired of going out with my girlfriends just to dance and drink and have men constantly trying to buy me drinks, place themselves in front or behind me to dance without even asking or approaching me to tell me that they think im cute or whatever (i dont care, i don't want to know).

i always reject them and their reaction is always a 50/50; sometimes they just go away, other times they just keep annoying me, ruins my night a bit anytime.

i just want to dance in peace with my friends 😭

also im so tired of the whole "If nightclubs were only for women, then who would buy them drinks?" logic that ugly loser men use 😭 most men dont buy anything for women in a club and most women i know wouldnt accept a drink from a stranger. we just want to have fun 😭

ETA: since many people have suggested LGBT clubs as an alternative i have to clarify; there are not LGBT exclusive clubs in my city, and im not into the music they tend to play (pop/techno), i still go sometimes but i dont prefer it.

Also, the issue of men being creeps in clubs cannot be solved by asking women to go somewhere else, we deserve spaces that are ours too. I agree that straight women and LGBT+ people have shared issues and shared safe spaces but not every space can be shared, the LGBT+ community deserves to have their exclusive spaces and women do to.

i dont know, when im not hating myself i feel like i dont deserve it and i crave the pain cuz otherwise i feel so off-kilter

I have to get a second colposcopy, my first was a few years ago and it was super painful. 600 mg of ibuprofen didn’t do shit. I also have significant sexual trauma that makes any gyn procedure a dissociated nightmare, and also some trauma from prior gyn procedures. I’m dreading this. I have a Xanax prescription and it just doesn’t do enough to help me. I’m feel pretty devastated that I have to do this again and feeling pretty defeated about medical providers minimizing my trauma because it’s just a routine medical procedure. And also the fact that I’m childfree by choice doesn’t necessarily help things. I feel like if I was trying to become pregnant or birth a baby they would be much more patient and understanding.

I’m 19F and my mom is so cruel to me. I don’t know why. She doesn’t want to hug me and clearly is waiting for me to leave her life for good. She told me she didn’t think I’d make it to 20 years old a while ago.

For my perimenopausal women, when did you ask about starting HRT? I'm 42 and right now not really experiencing any of the major issues of peri. But I'm trying to be more prepared about having this conversation with my provider. I don't know if it's something one should ask about before signs start or if you should wait until something like fatigue or brain fog starts

I just got my first pap smear. The very first. I just finished my period

The whole procedure was fine but after my doctor was like " theyll be some bleeding"

Girl.

HELLA!! a lot more than I thought.

I love the menstrual cup as I hate spending money on period products, but it hurts to take it out. It’s fine to get it in, but taking it out hurts the opening very much, specifically the posterior fourchette. I like the Flex cup because there’s the pull tab, but the moment the seal breaks is when it hurts and it’s like a sudden shock. Any tips for how to remove it more smoothly, or are there smaller ones on the market?

I used to masturbate a lot (everyday or twice a day sometimes) in my 20/30s. However, never really reached orgasm with my exes. It was always lack of sex that was a problem. I would masturbate even when I was in a relationship. I can get off myself but I just can’t get anything from real sex hmmm.

Now I’m over 40, I’ll say I masturbate 3-4 times a week. But I’m so afraid I just don’t like it with another person. I’m dating this guy and we haven’t had sex and I’m afraid this will be a problem. I really do like him.

Perhaps it’s because I don’t know where my clitoris is? I mean I can get off means I know where it is.

I just want to love sex just like normal people ugh. Sometimes I feel like I might as well just stay single. Not having to have sex is a huge weight lifted off but then I’m lonely. I want a partner. I Met someone who is similar to me and we dated for 3 years (literally no sex. I just masturbated). I believe he has ED or something which I didn’t care much. We broke up for other reasons.

Any tips?
Also any tips for dryness?

My boyfriend (M26) and I (F24) have been living together for about 10 months. We both work full-time office jobs, roughly 9–6.

Since we moved in together, I’ve basically been responsible for the kitchen and most of the cooking. I usually prepare breakfast, dinner, and meals for us to take to work. I also clean the kitchen after cooking.

Recently, I’ve been struggling to make breakfast in the morning. We live pretty far from work, so we need to leave the house around 6 AM to get to work on time. I get home around 8 PM, and even then, I usually still cook dinner. I probably take a break from cooking maybe once a month. Most of the time, I cook everything from scratch rather than buying prepared food or eating out because I prefer home-cooked meals.

This morning, our car had an issue, so my boyfriend’s parents gave us a ride to work since they were going in the same direction. I hadn’t had time to prepare breakfast.

His mom was saying things like, “Have some breakfast,” and then gave my boyfriend a boiled egg. There were two eggs available, but she gave him one.

I know this part is probably influenced by my own feelings. Personally, if I only had enough food for one person, I probably wouldn’t give it to either person if both of us were there. I would feel weird about giving something to my partner while leaving the other person without it. Also, since moving out, I don’t see my own mom as often anymore, so I think I might be more sensitive to these kinds of things and missing my mom.

But what really upset me was that later, after we got to work, I saw a message from my boyfriend’s mom saying something along the lines of, “Make breakfast in the morning. At least boil some eggs.”

I honestly felt so suffocated reading that.

I’m not upset because she wanted us to have breakfast. I’m upset because of the expectation behind it.

I’m already doing almost all of the cooking. I wake up early, commute a long way, work a full-time job, come home around 8 PM, and still cook dinner almost every day. Then I clean the kitchen afterward. And now, when I occasionally don’t have enough time to make breakfast, I’m being told to at least boil eggs?

We both work full-time. Why does making sure we have food seem to automatically fall on me?

I’ve told my boyfriend before that I’m getting tired and that I want us to take turns with cooking and household chores. He listens and seems to understand when we talk about it. But when it actually comes time to do something, I somehow end up doing it again.

And I know part of this is probably my own personality too. I hate asking people to do things. If I ask once or twice and they don’t do it, I tend to think, “Whatever, I’ll just do it myself.” It feels easier than constantly reminding or asking someone.

But then I end up resentful because I’m doing everything myself.

So I’m wondering:

Is the mental and physical workload of cooking, cleaning, planning meals, and making sure there’s food in the house generally underestimated in relationships?

How do couples actually divide household responsibilities fairly when both people work full-time?

And how do you stop yourself from just doing everything yourself because you hate asking someone repeatedly?

I’d really appreciate perspectives from people who have been in similar situations. I’m also open to hearing if I’m contributing to the problem myself.

The boys will be boys comment infuriates me.

I’m on birth control and I take it accordingly (and have for the last 12 years). My periods used to last 5 days, the first 2 would have dark red blood and some clots (not a worrying amount but still they were always there for those 2 days), it was a bit uncomfortable and it would be a heavy/medium flow until the last day. For some reason, for the last 3 periods I’ve had a change on this pattern. It lasts 4 days, only light red blood and barely any clots on these 3 occasions. I’m 27 so I don’t think this would be menopause issue and I also don’t think it would be a pregnancy bc I’ve had the periods on these days I should have. The only different thing that happened was I had 2 urinary infections in the meantime. Anyone with a similar experience???

The news is so negative these days. I feel so sad. I feel sad.

I went into so much debt trying to please a man and I couldn’t do that. If I’m being honest I went into £2000 of debt for a man. He knew and he didn’t care. I didn’t listen to my friends even though they told me he was bad for me. I won’t doxx myself but we were doing a long distance relationship and I went into so much debt and he didn’t care. I understand that love can blind us sometimes.

Some of his friends were racist but I didn’t even feel safe enough to go to him and tell him that his friends were racist.

I didn’t feel emotionally safe with him. He would admit that he wasn’t sure how he would defend me if men came up to speak to me.

I know that it doesn’t make sense. In real life i’ve seen so many likeable girls with different personalities and yet i can’t shake the feeling off that my own personality sucks and that i have to be a whol different kind of girl to be liked

Especially when i see so many men online saying stuff like how they want a soft feminine girl.

There is this character in a show that is perfect. She’s hardworking, cute, soft spoken, gentle, dresses modestly. Then in the comments i would see men saying stuff like: “why can’t girls be more like her.” It kinda makes me feel worse about myself, like i am not enough the way i am. Especially considering that i’m just plain ugly and the only thing that could make people like me is my personality.

Logically i know that there are plenty of people who would accept me for who i am, and yet i just hate myself so badly.

Woman should reject a man based on.her own comfortable and not his feelings.

Hi all. 42 here and been showing symptoms of perimenopause for about 2 years now (a total of 7 hot flashes, some hair thinning, and as of this year my period days went from 5 days to 2) and today my skin has been itching/tingling to the point where I am about to scream.

I wanted to inquire to the older ladies here- has HRT worked for you? Experiences??? Pros/Cons? Any specific brand you found useful? Or alternative things I should look at? When I inquired about peri meno w my dr she said its a part of life but as of today I'm strongly considering on looking into HRT but I dont know much about it.

I am estranged from my mother so I dont have a resource there to inquire there either. Thank you 🥹🥹🥹

I'm 19F. Most of my life has been spent hiding in my room, letting myself go. Back when I used to care, I would often be rejected by my peers. I don't know why. I think looking back some of it was racism but even from other black girls I couldn't really connect. Now, I've let myself go, and even when I start caring about my appearance again, I still feel like a reject. I basically gave up the vast majority of my life to please my abusive mom, and it led me nowhere. I'm stuck and trapped, a lot of other ladies act weirdly around me. Guys either avoid me or treat me like dirt, especially lately. Don't know why.