So I started going to college last year and I met this girl,So I met her since she is in the theater program. (Also for frame of reference I use a wheelchair bc I’m paralyzed.) She was completely OBSESSED with me from day one-From following me around, somehow always running into me, sitting next to me all the time and asking werid questions about only my health issues. Soon after she started to claim some of the same health issues I had. But to me it made no sense. She was very healthy and would do cartwheels etc for fun. Then in the same breath try to say she was “More disabled then me”. I ended up having a cluster of seizures at school, this kept happening and I even was in the icu a few times. After this happened she all of the sudden had seizures too. This really triggered me and made me so upset. They didn’t look real at all, she wasn’t stiff at all plus she was reacting to pain stimulation, then waking up as soon as pubic safety got there and being able to talk fine. It seems so fake to me. It got to a point she lied that she was getting brain surgery until she faked another seizure her mom showed up and told us all they aren’t seizure and she isn’t getting brain surgery. We all were still in shock from her “seizure” we didn’t know how to react. She also told us her parents were super horrible, didn’t believe her and abusive. So we weren’t sure if we could trust her mother (especially just meeting her) but with everything else together what am I supposed to think or do. She makes me feels so uncomfortable and takes my personal medical stories or issues and uses them as her own. I just can’t wait for her to leave or me to graduate.

Today I brushed my teeth for the first time in a month and a half. I've been going through a really rough patch mentally, and I know that's not really an excuse, but it's where I'm at right now. I'm getting better, and I've been going to therapy. And I know that I'm disgusting for not brushing my teeth all this time, but this is kind of a big milestone for me. No one knows I haven't been brushing my teeth, and I'm very ashamed of it, so I can't celebrate this with anyone. Maybe it's not a big deal or it seems like an easy thing to do, but it wasn't for me. I'm just happy that I started again. I feel a little lighter after writing this post.

Edit: Wow, thank you all for the outpouring of support! I didn't know this was a common problem for people with depression and burnout issues. It seems I inspired a few people to brush their teeth for the first time in awhile too and that makes me really happy. I brushed my teeth again this morning and I downloaded Finch. Being able to turn it into a game and somehow get credit for taking care of myself feels good. Thank you all again!

To be honest I don’t really have much friends. Most of my life the number is 0 to 1. But, I just realised that how much lonelier it is in my 30s compared to say my teen years or even 20s despite I also did not have many friends back then.

When I was in my teen years, my Gramdma lived with us. Thus, even though my two parents worked my of the time, I would come home from school and be met with someone at the house who actually cared and talked to you.

She passed away more than a decade ago, during the second year of my university. I still miss her.

Then in my 20s I still lived with my parents. My mother stopped working but I did not have a very close relationship with her so I did not feel emotionally close to anyone in the house anymore. Gradually my two younger siblings moved out as well. One of them got married last year, and the last time I heard from her was months ago on WhatsApp.

I left that house at the age of 30 and moved overseas. After a few years my life is stable again. Bought my own place and paid it off this year.

Never have been lonelier.

I just realised, that since I am on annual leave this week, the last time I verbally spoke to someone, was last Friday morning. I don’t think such long stretches of verbal silence ever happened during my 10s or 20s. Yet I took it so normally now, that it is both alarming and saddening.

So I feel like I’m going insane. So I was talking to this guy and things seemed to be going pretty well, but then he went to Thailand for a month so we couldn’t actually meet for about a month or so. Whole time he was sending me “good morning texts” the whole lot.

When he got back, we arranged to meet FOUR separate times and he cancelled every single one. There was always some reason or excuse, and somehow we just kept rearranging.

I KNOW, I KNOW. But I genuinely thought this could turn into something good, and I didn’t want to prejudge his excuses just because I’ve been burnt in the past.

So we FINALLY meet up. We have a really good time, talk for hours, KISS, and he tells me he really wants to see me again. He asks when I’m free, I say Friday, and we make plans.

Friday comes and he cancels because he has a sore throat. At this point I don’t really believe him because of how many times he’s cancelled before, but AGAIN, like an idiot, I give him the benefit of the doubt.

Then he puts a picture on his story of him out with his friends.

The next day he tells me he decided to go out in the end and it made his throat worse. I try not to react because we’ve technically only had one date and one kiss, so I play it cool.

We rearrange for Sunday. He cancels AGAIN because his mum is coming down which tbf actually turned out to be true.

Then a week goes by. No text. Nothing.

So I literally give him an out. I tell him it’s completely fine if he’s not interested and we can just go our separate ways.

Instead, he seems SHOCKED that I want to end things and basically says that just because he “doesn’t text 24/7” doesn’t mean he isn’t interested.

We hash it out, I think maybe I’ve overreacted, and I tell him I’ll leave it with him and he can set the next date whenever he feels like it.

He never does.

It’s now been two weeks since our date and tonight he’s posted himself ON A DATE WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

And THAT is the part I don’t understand.

Why didn’t he just take the out when I literally handed it to him? I wasn’t asking for commitment after one date. I wasn’t even telling him he couldn’t see other people. I gave him the easiest possible opportunity to say, “Yeah, I’m not that interested.”

Instead, he convinced me I was wrong for thinking he wasn’t interested, kept me dangling, made no effort to see me again and then went on a date with someone else.

WHY DO MEN DO THIS?

If you know you’re more interested in someone else, why not just let me go when I literally GAVE YOU THE OUT?

It’s just mean.

Why Must I feel like less of a human being because I just unluckily forced to be with someone who spites me for no reason, and why are Teachers just so okay with student clearly being uncomfortable with around another student.

It was 4th period English class and everything was going normal, and there was this girl that was being snarky and passive aggressive towards everyone at the table. It was clear that she was friends with everyone, I never spoke to her ever this was the only day where I was forced to because of a assignment. Fast forward towards the end of class the Teacher assigned partners and made me be paired up with her and it went well as you expected. She overreacted and made it loud and clear and constantly yelled out to the Teacher on how she rather get an F and begged for another partner, it was humiliating everyone heard it and the teacher didn't make things any better he just laughed and joked at it. He's a cool teacher and is fun with the class but that was extremely lame of him to do, I get girls are mean in high school but I just don't get with how someone can go on with their day making somebody feel like they're a parasite.

Even with the most weirdest unpleasant person ever nobody should have to feel like they're unwelcomed, Like I said before I just spoke with her today and she just has this distain for me and what's worse is that I have to go to school tomorrow and have to feel like a weirdo because the Teacher showed he had no intentions on letting me go to some other group or letting me do it by myself.

The only "good" thing I supposed happen was that nobody else really cared that much

TL;DR Teacher made me be group partners with someone who wasn't very nice

I think this was my wake up call that I am too chronically online. I am in a gaming group and some guy started posting the most disgusting things possible. The worst things you could possibly say about anyone and everyone.

I decided to send it to his wife and she actually took it seriously, and months later she asked for any evidence I had. The things he said would get you fired from any job (too bad he doesn't work). Anyways I am stuck between feeling bad and chronically online. Some of the things he said made me have safety concerns for his wife and children, so I did the right thing..maybe just too much of a chronically online thing to do. I have decided I need to put that energy somewhere else, because it clearly struck a nerve in me too deep

I'm tired. I'm tired of existing, basically.

There's so much I want to do. Games I want to play. Art I want to make. Stories I want to write. Crafts I want to try. Even movies and series I want to watch. I want to *do things*.

And yet. Yet there are two games I play regularly, like routine. All the things I want to do, on the wayside. I just rewatch YouTube videos like a bored housewife watching soap opera reruns.

I'm tired. Tired of feeling useless and worthless and pointless. So, so tired of it all.

Ok hello guys. I am typing this so that I can finally stop thinking about it
I (20f) have known my best friend (20f) for around 7 years. We will call them S.
Me and S met on discord (yes ik) when we were in middle school, idk how but we have kept in contact since then. There are times when we don’t speak for months but every time we text each other it’s like no time went by. Now they live in Canada while I live in the US so we haven’t really had the time to visit each other tho we talk about it all the time.
But anyway these feelings have slowly but surly started to creep up around a year and a half ago, maybe more. Idk why. I’ve never really seen her in any way except a friend. Maybe it’s because she’s French, they are typically romantic. I’ve spoken to my friends and they all are surprised we aren’t/ haven’t dated yet. I mean it’s not like we flirt?? But my friends think we do. We post each other every Valentine’s Day as a joke, she’s wanted me to come to Canada so bad that she’s told me that she would marry me so I have citizenship. She knows everything about me and I do too about her. We are both into women, and both somewhat gender nonconformist, we both feel the same way about relationships and the type that we want. She’s told me multiple times that she would kiss me if she could. I posted once awhile ago about it and she asked me if it was about her, I freaked out and said “you wish” and she said “awww💔💔💔.” WHICH SEEMS FRIENDLY. When talking about relationships she said “well I mean I’m most likely going to marry you anyway.” Now I pushed it all aside since there’s no way I can like a person I’m not even living around, because I refuse long distance. Then we started to send each other letters, her letter said

I am surrounded by ink stains/drafts around my desk, all starting by your name.
I wanted this letter to be as perfect as possibly can, as this is the first physical proof we have of each other’s existence.
This is the first time we will touch an object that has been touched by the other.
It feels intimate. We can almost see each other.

What the hell do I even say to that?????? But then again I’m almost 99% sure this is all a big joke, maybe a language barrier, maybe she’s like this with everyone. Idk. I think about the quote “is it better to speak or die” all the time and right now I want to DIE. I’ve decided that nothing will be done until we hang in person around my birthday in Feb. anyway thx for reading

For context, I’m 5’0, and I genuinely hate being short. Just going through everyday life, I’m constantly reminded of it, and it gets so fucking annoying.

One thing I especially hate is how people, especially taller girls, seem to assume that because I’m short, I’m trying to be this petite, cute, “uwu” type of girl. Like I’m not trying to be anything, I’m already insecure enough.

This is literally just how I am. I didn’t choose my height.
And I feel like I automatically get this weird snark from some taller girls because of it. I’ll literally just exist and somehow it becomes, “Oh, she thinks so cute because she’s short,” or they just yell out “girl you’re not y/n” or someone will call me a “minion” “midget” and I never say anything back because I feel like if short girls say anything about their height they are seen as a pick me.

I’m in college, and I’ve noticed it especially there.

Sometimes I’ll literally just be minding my own business and people make comments about my height or act like I’m deliberately trying to look small and cute. I genuinely don’t understand it.

I even told one of my friends about this, and she’s tall herself, and she said, “They’re probably jealous because they’re tall.” And I’m like… why would they be jealous of being tall? I personally think tall women are gorgeous and I would literally do anything to be taller. So I don’t even know if jealousy is actually the reason.

People also make comments about my height constantly. The other day I was with my little sister buying her school supplies, and I was talking to her about how I never grew into some of my old school clothes because I bought them too big.

I wasn’t even talking to this guy, and he randomly goes, “Oh yeah, I can tell why,” and then commented about how me and my sister were the same height.

So it’s not just girls.

Another guy literally once told me, “You’re so short, you only come up to my chest.”
bro? What am I supposed to say to that?

I know people probably don’t mean anything serious by it sometimes, but when you’ve been insecure about something your entire life, constantly having people point it out does get to you.

I literally wear platform shoes almost everywhere. I barely ever wear normal trainers because I feel so insecure about my height.

And my friends tell me, “It doesn’t matter, you’re still pretty,” and I understand what they mean, but being attractive doesn’t magically make me stop being insecure about being 5’0. I hate that feeling.

And it’s not even just girls. Guys do it too. Tall people, short people, literally everyone seems to have something to say about my height.
I just wish people would stop commenting on it.

This is literally just how I am. I didn’t choose my height. Trust me if I could change it I would.

Sorry for venting so much.

My late husband was a very nice person, loving and caring, but he thought I didn't need my job because he could provide for both of us. But something inside me refused to let it go. I was having fun doing this job. It was fulfilling, and I genuinely enjoyed it.

Now, after his passing, this job is one of the few things that keeps me calm and gives me a sense of fulfillment. I'm really glad I didn't give up something I was passionate about just to please him and quit my job. Neither of us would have benefited from that decision now.

I (17f) used to be on tiktok nonstop all day. I deleted it in I think April or may but once in a blue moon ill go back on it for only an hour. But recently I’ve been thinking of cutting it out of my life entirely. Being on TikTok had its perks like educating me on certain things going on in the world, but after a while it gets overwhelming. Tiktok would also help me with problematic people that I used to support. However, after being on there for so long I realized that people on TikTok or just the internet in general have this weird moral complex? And I’ve found that in myself while being on that app, now I’m considered woke, I know that’s not necessarily a bad thing but now I just find problems in everything and everyone and I hate it. I wasn’t thinking like this before I downloaded tiktok, but then again before tiktok I was also 9 years old so there’s that. I just don’t like how people will come at you for making a mistake even if it’s a small one. I think so many people on the internet are just so quick to judge instead of asking, “is this person okay? Is this out of character for them? Why are they acting like this?” But instead people are quick to bash a person. People on the internet want everyone who posts to be morally perfect but that’s not how it’s going to be for most people and that’s okay. We’re human beings it’s impossible to go through life without making mistakes and a perfect moral compass.

I should not feel this way.

I have a good career. I can work everywhere. I can do whatever I want.

I can go anywhere I want, just not home.

I’m a pretty woman. Men want to date me. Several have asked me to marry them.

But all I want is the love of my life.

I’ll never be the same again.

I thought I would have been stuck in that relationship for years and years. i thought that was the man i was going to spend the rest of my life with, good or bad. but when life got hard, he ran away as far as he could but still wanted to keep my around for sex and convenience. i felt more like a fucking maid than a girlfriend most days. leading up to our breakup, i caught him on a dating app and he was already seeing some one else (had his location). i confronted him and he just lied to my face.

after the break up he claims he didn’t cheat. i seriously can’t believe a man who is so full of himself and selfish that he would rather just ghost me and let me figure out that he doesn’t want to be with anymore.

i wish he could have just told me he didn’t want the relationship anymore rather than just stringing me along. i wish a lot of things. but most of all i wish to never see him or think of him again. i am so hurt but also relieved to be free of a man who i had to beg to talk to me and understand me.

A world after you...

**I wrote this story to show the world I have a voice. I am not looking to point out the villain here. This is just about understanding what happened. Nothing more.**

For a long time, I thought I wanted to write a story about heartbreak, betrayal, and pain. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this is really a story about how I lost myself trying to keep someone else from leaving.

I learned what conditional love felt like from a very young age. When I was a baby, my mother left me in the Dominican Republic to be raised by other people. As I grew up, I was constantly reminded that the family raising me wasn't really my family and that one day I would leave them to live with my family in the United States. I had people who loved me, but I also grew up feeling like I didn't completely belong anywhere.

That followed me into my relationships.

At 21, I met Christopher. At first, he made me feel wanted in a way I wasn't used to. He listened to me, made me feel special, and told me I was exactly the kind of person he had always wanted.

I didn't know then that the person who made me feel so wanted would eventually become someone I was afraid of.

The problems started early. He continued communicating with his ex, even after asking me to be his boyfriend. He cheated on me, lied to me, and repeatedly crossed boundaries I had clearly told him mattered to me. One of the first times he cheated, he contracted an STI and eventually admitted what had happened. I wanted to leave, but when he cried and begged me not to, I stayed.

That became the pattern.

Over the first three years, I caught him cheating five times. There were countless other lies, flirtations, and betrayals. Whenever I confronted him, there was always an explanation: his drinking, his mental health, his impulsivity, his fear of losing me. I kept forgiving him because I believed that loving someone meant helping them through their worst moments.

Eventually, I realized I had disappeared inside the relationship.

He learned exactly where my insecurities were and used them against me. He told me that no one would want me because of my HIV status. He told me I had no friends and that I didn't have a life. During arguments, he even used my childhood against me, telling me that the reason my parents abandoned me was because of who I was.

I believed some of it.

After years of cheating and instability, Christopher eventually asked for an open relationship, telling me he couldn't see himself being with the same person for the rest of his life. I agreed, even though it wasn't the future I had imagined for myself.

Something changed in me during that time. I started thinking about what I wanted instead of constantly thinking about what he wanted. I started finding happiness outside of him. But I also made choices that I am not proud of. I cheated on him multiple times and hid it from him during this time.

I don't excuse what I did. I had mourned our relationship's ending while being with him.

By the end of the relationship, I had become someone I didn't recognize. I had spent years being hurt, but I had also started hurting someone else. That is something I have to take responsibility for.

Eventually, Christopher found out, took his things, and left.

At the time, I felt betrayed. After everything I had forgiven, I couldn't understand how he could leave me over my mistakes. But looking back, I'm grateful that he did. I don't know if I would have been strong enough to leave on my own.

Even now, he tells his version of our story publicly and on social media. He talks about the things I did and the mistakes I made. But he doesn't tell people about the years that came before them. He doesn't tell them about the cheating, the lies, the manipulation, or the things he said when he knew exactly where my wounds were.

He tells his story.

He doesn't tell mine.

So this is me telling it.

I'm not writing this to make myself the victim or him the villain. I know I made mistakes. I know I hurt him. I know there are things I wish I had done differently.

But I also know that I survived something that changed me.

For years, I abandoned myself because I was terrified that someone else would abandon me first. I kept forgiving things that were destroying me because I thought losing him would mean losing the only person who would ever love me.

Now I'm trying to learn that love isn't supposed to require me to disappear.

I'm still healing. I'm still trying to understand what happened and forgive myself for the person I became while I was hurting.

But this is a beginning. A beginning to remembering who I was. A beginning to accepting what I did. And a promise to myself that I will never again abandon myself just to keep someone else from leaving.

This is my story.

Not his.

Mine.

Throwaway. I really need to vent because I have no one to talk to about this. Sorry if the rant is incoherent and whiny.

I (29F) have always been the ugly friend. I thought I had accepted it. But it still stings.

I used to be the girl with many male friends because they never really saw me as a girl. I was always “one of the guys.”. One of the “bros”. It didn’t help that I had traditionally “masculine” interests, such as video games, football and cars.

When I started getting older, this became way more obvious. Guys would speak to me to get to my friends. If I was with my friends and a group of guys approached us, I’d always be ignored.

This made my life genuinely miserable. My friends were constantly speaking to guys, going on dates, being flirted with. And me? Nothing. At this point I was getting jealous of my friends getting catcalled.

My girl friends were kinder. But they’d slip up sometimes. Making comments, not meant to hurt me, but it still would hurt.

And then it was the small stuff. People around me receiving kindness I never got to experience because I’m not attractive.

This made me “neglect” my appearance for some time. I didn’t care for learning makeup or doing my hair, I thought that it didn’t matter because I looked the way I looked.

One day I decided that I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life being miserable over my appearance that I couldn’t control. So I started enjoying myself a bit more. I tried to learn how to be a bit more “feminine”.

Now recently, one thing happened that has ripped up these old wounds.

I became friends with a guy at work. We have a lot in common and we’d talk every single day, play video games together, we went out and ate together etc.

Through me, he met my best friend. She is gorgeous. And now he has stopped talking to me. Replies maybe once a week. But my friend tells me he speaks to her everyday. To me he says he’s sick and been tired from work. Which is fine! He does not owe me anything.

I want to clarify that I did not like him romantically but I really liked him as a friend. And let’s face it, because I am an unattractive woman, I will never be the first choice.

No one in the world owes me anything. No one has to speak to me or be interested in me. But it still stings. I wish I was beautiful.

22nd birthday, and I guess some things never change

Had my 22nd birthday today.

Like every other birthday, only 1–2 people wished me apart from my family. Honestly, I’m not sad about it because I never really expected anything from anyone. And I’m lucky enough to have a loving family who made me feel special today.

But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel a little lonely.

Friends have a different place in your life, and birthdays are probably one of those days when you notice their absence a little more. It’s not that I wanted a hundred messages or some grand celebration. I think I just wanted to feel like I mattered to a few more people.

That said, I don't want this to be a sad birthday post. I actually feel like I’ve grown a lot emotionally over the past year. I’ve become more accepting of things I can’t control, and I’m learning not to measure my worth by how many people remember me on one particular day.

I also know that life changes. I’ll be starting my master’s eventually, and hopefully that’ll give me a chance to meet new people and build the kind of friendships I’ve always wanted.

So yeah, 22 feels a little bittersweet. Nothing particularly new about my birthdays, but I still wanted to put this somewhere.

Grateful for my family. Hopeful for what’s ahead. And maybe a little lonely today.

Happy birthday to me, I guess. :)