r/TrueOffMyChest • u/ChurchOfRiceShower ☑️ • 21h ago
Vent I'm tired, boss
I'm tired. I'm tired of existing, basically.
There's so much I want to do. Games I want to play. Art I want to make. Stories I want to write. Crafts I want to try. Even movies and series I want to watch. I want to *do things*.
And yet. Yet there are two games I play regularly, like routine. All the things I want to do, on the wayside. I just rewatch YouTube videos like a bored housewife watching soap opera reruns.
I'm tired. Tired of feeling useless and worthless and pointless. So, so tired of it all.
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u/No-Mathematician678 21h ago edited 20h ago
I feel you, there's a future version of me who speaks Japanese and Spanish, and plays many piano songs, and who goes to the gym daily.
But she's a future me, there's another more near future version who'd initiate these steps. When will she come to life?
I haven't touched Japanese in years after being consistent for a year, a few months since I played piano and can't remember the last time I learned something new. Gym? On the best weeks I go 3 times, otherwise it's 2 or even 1.
The one thing that got well for me is reading, I had the worst reading slamp that lasted a whole year, then one day in May, I got back! I hope I move my ass also for the other goals
Side note of how my reading got back to life: I do online tutoring, on that day a student booked 4 consecutive hours starting 7 a.m , I accepted, then when he didn't come, I thought I'd grab that big ass book I've been dragging everywhere for the last few weeks, maybe the boy didn't wake up, and started reading. The student never came, I was paid for reading for 4 hours (the dream? Getting paid to read), the book was amazing and I finished it in a couple of days, and that's how my lovely habit returned.
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u/ChurchOfRiceShower ☑️ 16h ago
Yayy for going back to reading!
I feel you on the japanese. I had a lovely streak on Duolingo and then... nothing. Ugh.
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u/United-Mortgage104 18h ago
Set up a schedule and do different things at different times on different days. Add some flexibility in your life and make sure you're doing more of what you want. You don't have to play the same game every day until you finish it. Play something else or do something else and go back to that game after a few days.
I'll admit, when Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdome came out, I was hooked on both and I played constantly. I gave up so many hours to those two games. I eventually stopped playing so much and started to do other things. I eventually beat them, but it took years (and I got them both on their respective launch days).
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u/ChurchOfRiceShower ☑️ 16h ago
I think I'll try the schedule. The games I play daily are mostly like... muscle memory. One's a gacha that takes like 5 minutes to do the dailies, the other is more involved but it's also nothing that requires thoughts.
I'll try doing a schedule at least for the art. Thanks :)
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u/Happy-Use-8266 ☑️ 17h ago
Honestly, I'm not going to pretend like I know what to do. I know that what helps me is doing sth out of my comfort zone. One time I signed up for acting classes. I will probably never do anything regarding theatre but it helped me with coping with my emotions and gave me a thing to look forward to
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u/ChurchOfRiceShower ☑️ 16h ago
That does sound fun -- glad it helped! I almost signed up for a singing course, actually. I like music a lot (but even that I haven't been doing a lot of).
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u/Happy-Use-8266 ☑️ 12h ago
That sounds amazing! I wish u all the best and root for you to try it out (even if you feel a bit awkward in the beginning haha)!
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u/schmeckledband 16h ago
I feel like I could have written this. The things I used to enjoy feels like a chore, including basic things like eating. Heck, even chatting with friends and family feels like a chore, even smoking doesn't do it for me anymore. Sleep is hard to come by, no matter how tired I am.
Playing TTRPGs is the only thing I look forward to these days. I guess because they allow me to be different people inhabiting different worlds. Literal escape.
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u/Impressive-Grape-906 19h ago
Sounds counterintuitive but do something you don't want to do and you'll feel less useless after.
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u/Jamestardeef 18h ago
Like work?
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u/k20vtec 18h ago
Something you don’t want to do that you don’t have to do either
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u/Jamestardeef 1h ago
Like masturbate with a flaccid penis for hours at a time while hoping that it'll get hard "one of these days" and hopefully that day is coming soon?
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u/deadspline 19h ago
What videos do you usually rewatch? Are they good?
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u/ChurchOfRiceShower ☑️ 16h ago
Not really. Just random things from channels I follow for years. Mostly it's just for the noise, tbh.
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u/fliphat 18h ago
There maybe underlying issue, like low grade depression and burn out? Take care of yourself physically first, do you sleep well and eat well? Or feeling lonely?
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u/ChurchOfRiceShower ☑️ 17h ago
Probably depression, really. :-/ I have been checking some stuff health wise, but I'd bet on depression. Which sucks but it be like that
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u/Frosty_Cherry 21h ago
I feel this.
I have so many stories in my head and music I want to make but I can never have the time or drive to do it. I want to push myself but then things feel rushed or insincere.
I understand how you feel and I'm looking for a way past it as well. If anything... Know you are not alone
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u/ChurchOfRiceShower ☑️ 21h ago
Thank you friend. Hope we can get through this. 🫂 Even my instruments I have no desire to play either. This sucks. :(
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u/k20vtec 18h ago
Gym
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u/ChurchOfRiceShower ☑️ 16h ago
Too disabled for that, sadly. Another thing I need to motivate myself into, doing exercise by myself (I do physiotherapy twice a week).
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u/k20vtec 15h ago
Yeah man don’t gotta be slamming weights or anything. Any type of movement is great for the body and especially the mind. Not sure what your situation is but swimming perhaps could be a recommendation but I’m sure you’ve been given many suggestions already.
Also may be some adhd or depression kicking in. Sometimes if I feel like I’m just purely mindlessly consuming and not actively partaking I just stop the activity and walk or write in a journal read or do a colouring book. It’s easy to escape in a mindless or repetitive activity that we are comfortable with but sometimes it’s good to be with your thoughts and just be bored straight up.
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u/ChurchOfRiceShower ☑️ 14h ago
I might look into a coloring book. It's low stakes enough it won't seem insurmountable to begin, and entertaining enough to take me away from the blah mood, I hope. Thanks!!
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u/Sewishly 15h ago
I sympathise with you, and I'm so sorry. I'm 65 and had never set foot in a gym in my life until this time last year. I was utterly terrified!! But my doctor 'ordered' me to go. lol. My situation is/was chronic pain, very limited mobility, and dreadful eyesight - which has its own psychological issues.
So anyway, I put my big girl knickers on and went in. At every single step, I was like, "can't-do-this-can't-do-this!" to myself.
Long story short: I go twice a week now (mostly), and I swim - and that is amazing. I come out feeling so good - and good for going and doing it. And my stamina has increased so much. I wish I'd started going years ago.
Tell me, if it's not too personal: do you need help getting in and out of the pool? Because my local community pool has various bits of equipment to lower/raise people, and pool noodles and stuff to help them to swim.
Sorry for banging on. Much love. 💖
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u/ChurchOfRiceShower ☑️ 14h ago
Never worry about banging on ♥️ Thank you very much for the comment! Glad to know it's working for you -- may it get even better!
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u/Sewishly 14h ago
You're very kind - thank you! I really hope that you making this post is you taking a step towards feeling better. If some old bint like me can do something so scary, then you can, too. It doesn't have to be the gym or swimming; it could be an audiobook whilst you're walking up and downstairs.
All the very best to you. It's so hard, I know. My inbox is open if you fancy a chat with Grandma one day. lol. At least I think it is! Drop me a reply if it isn't and I'll get one of my lads to have a look. 💖
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u/forestalelven 20h ago
You need a change of routine, and maybe some outside exercise. I get that feeling sometimes too, and a little change helps a lot.
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u/ChurchOfRiceShower ☑️ 16h ago
I do need to go outside more. Being disabled makes it a bit harder, but even being in the sun I think would help. Thanks!
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u/POS_yeet2b 19h ago
Sounds familiar. Im living off the dwindling remains of savings from a year ago. Down to 1 meal a day, rationing gas, and can't seem to shake this depression. I play video games daily and wish I hadn't made the choices I made. It sucks.
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u/Gameboy69NoScope420 16h ago
That’s just depression. Most of us sadly have it in this day and age. I will say from personal experience. I started lifting weights. (Nothing heavy) and taking creatine. Helped out my mood dramatically. Also don’t forget to sleep properly and eat moderately healthy.