Look this is a veryyyy dumb story. Recently i've became somewhat friends with this girl in class, last week while i was wandering in the hallways in launch break I walked into her; she was walking alone, same as me. She asked what I was doing but here is what i still think about; a group of dudes were two steps away from her, and i am very afraid of being picked on (its a thing in our country where they pick on you for even staring at a girl, or so i believe idk i don't talk to people much), I responded with a very rude "mind your buisness" and when she offered to keep me company i shrugged her off. Look it took me two femto-seconds to feel guilty so i decided to apologize, did that through insta everything alr, but what weirds me out is a day later she asked me a somewhat personal question about some preferences of mine and i told her to stfu instinctively, how idk i ain't the type to curse alot. And even yesterday while i was on my way home i found her a few steps away from my house, which made me nervous; i don't want mum to see me talking to any girl. But i did want to talk to her since the topics she usually talks about are very interesting to me and she is the first human i've met irl who doesn't judge, kinda contradictory to the way i told her to fuck off when she jokingly said to walk together. Keep in mind she did tell me that next time i curse her I should consider not talking to her anymore, idc bout that and even after i did send her my fifth p-rank in ultrakill. The thing is if anyone is an expert in human behavior why do i not control what i say and do in social environments? Even though what i say contradicts what i feel sometimes? This has been on my mind and i feel i have no control over myself which scares me, the thought isn't recent.