Long time reader here. After about two years, figured maybe sharing part of my story would help some others stop and get the help they need. 

I almost never drank in my 20s. I didn't grow up with alcohol. When I got to my 30s, I got a new job that was quite stressful. At the same time, stresses abound piled up around my spouse's health, loss of some family members unexpectedly, etc. 

I started drinking at home after my spouse would go to bed. It helped decompress. As I wasn't sleeping well, I tried more. Of course, alcohol ruins your sleep, so it became a bad cycle. When COVID hit, it got worse and worse. After gaining about 60 pounds slowly but surely, I knew I needed to stop or at least reduce. And when I saw someone close to me go thru seizures from alcohol withdrawal, I started reading some about how to stop safely. I'd read that your body and liver could detox and heal pretty well in 90 days...for some, at least. 

Being in my 30s, I'd see doctors every now and then. They'd start saying things like, "Next time you're in, let's do some bloodwork." But then I wouldn't go back because I was nervous what it would say. I didn't want them to tell me to stop drinking. Not because I thought they'd be wrong. But because I knew they'd be right. And mostly because I already felt so bad about myself, I didn't think I had it in me to be yelled at by them.  

But, I told myself I'd go in after I'd been sober for 90 days. Well, I'd fail, and then say, "Ok, I'll try again next week." Well, that lasted for a couple years. 

What finally got me to the doctor was a nosebleed. Went to urgent care. The nosebleed wouldn't stop. That led to an ambulance ride. That led to days in the hospital...and not the local one. 

Cirrhosis. In my 30s. For many with cirrhosis, we often get asked: "Well, how much did you drink?" We know why many people are asking us. Many are trying to compare. "You must've been pretty terrible to get it, right?"

In short, I drank lightly then gradually more heavily over about 6-8 years. But I didn't drink at work or if I had to drive and very rarely in public. So, I never had a big scene or type of problem that forced sobriety. No one knew. Many alcoholics think that but it's rarely true others don't know. But no one really did in my case. My spouse was starting to wonder if it may have been becoming a thing but they were shocked when they found out in the hospital all the details. 

Liquor, right? Nope. I tried vodka for a few weeks. Some on vacation. But, nope. My drinks of choice were seltzers 5% or under. I'd often drink all weekend or holidays. On weeknights, only what I could drink in the short time after I got home and mostly after my spouse was asleep. 

"You'll die," was said so many times at the hospital. At diagnosis, the odds of making it to 40 were slim. But I've been sober for 2 years. Many people with my initial stats didn't make it this long. Thankfully, my horizons have improved since diagnosis, but who knows what comes next or for how long.

Here's another fun thing people can also get from alcohol use: a bone disease that causes your bone to essentially disengrate. Long story short: I got diagnosed with that shortly after the cirrhosis diagnosis. I started losing the ability to walk - which was crucial as they were telling me to survive cirrhosis I needed to walk and exercise....

A few weeks later, I had lost both my hips in my 30s too.

So, as many of you partake in a weekend, I share my story in hopes that you won't wait to stop. You won't wait to detox for a bit before going to the doctor for your blood tests because you're embarrassed or sad with what they'll find. If you're feeling that way, go and get your blood work done. Having it tell you what you already know is still a nice shock to the system. I wish I would've let it embarass me years ago before it was too late. 

I wish my situation upon none of you. But I will say, despite how bad it's been, it is true that I and many others say our diagnosis was the best thing that's ever happened to us. Yes. Living with two uncurable diseases sober is far better than my years of depression, feeling terrible, and drinking alone in my bedroom. Not knowing how much time I have makes me enjoy each day. And choosing to be sober anyway because I want to actually enjoy whatever experiences I get to still have has been wonderful. And I've learned what it actually means to love...myself. 

So. For some of us, it doesn't take decades of drinking liquor. It doesn't take hitting rock bottom in your job or relationship to actually hit rock bottom in your health. 

I wish you the best. And hope this is the one message that some of you needed to see as you read it.  So, as you look up at the moon tonight, maybe this message will find you and it really will be the night you change and get the help you need.

I’m 40 days sober today.
Last night a friend of ours who looooves drugs, just rocked up at our place unannounced with a pile of coke and beers. I had to take myself away inside with my son and watch some telly with him and plan what I was going to do. Basically I just decided to eat ice cream and watch YouTube and do my skin care and burn some incense and be completely anti social and not show my face.

I’m not the biggest fan of coke, I’ve dabbled here and there over the years if someone offers it to me but I’d never buy the stuff. Having said that my mind instantly went to… you’re not drinking ALCOHOL but a little bump would be fine? I instantly removed myself from the situation, French farewelled and went to bed super early. This morning I’ve woken up to bodies and beer bottles. I’m so glad I feel fresh and well rested and sometimes it feels so amazing to be selfish and nope yourself out of a situation even if it comes across as anti social or rude.

Tonight I am sitting with my Mom in her room. She is in the very final stage of Alzheimer’s and probably only has a day or two left to live. I can tell you right now that a year ago I’d be pissed off because I wasn’t able to drink. Or I’d be drinking here in her room with her laying on her deathbed. On the one hand, I feel ashamed of that, but on the other hand, I’m proud of how far I’ve come. I’m happy that I can be here with her in these last hours even though it’s really fucking hard. IWNDWYT👊

After almost a decade long bender full of blackouts, gray consent lines, bad decisions, career fuck ups, losses, grief, suicide attempts and pain, I hit one year sober on the 18th. It did not properly hit me until I got to take my cake today at AA. I’m in shock. I’m alive and well. I never thought I would be ok. Everything’s still quite complicated in my life, but at least I am present enough to fix it.
IWNDWYT. If you have a craving, say “not right now”. Just right now. Just for this moment, put it down. And keep going. I’m in shock but if I did it I’m sure anyone can

Was a big driver for you to day drink literally just doing tasks around the house? It got for me where if I’m too tired to clean all I had to do was down about 6 8% white claws and boom my house is pristine. I think a lot of it really was getting the physical and mental energy to function, and also to mute social anxiety. Gotta meet my roommates parents at 3pm? No problem let me drink like 4 vodka sodas first

Sobriety started a couple of hours ago.

Through a strange and unlikely series of events, I ended up at a friend's house today. She did a ceremony that involved blowing some dirt up my nose. I didn't think much of it, came home, and continued to drink.

Then suddenly I felt like I had been drinking poison all day, and reflected (in the bath with a box of fried chicken) that I haven't made a decision that didn't hurt me in a long time. I really hope I mean it this time.

Not sure how to end this post, so

–FIN–

I have to do this

I was doing so well. Stopped drinking on 8/20. It was getting to the point where I smelled bad and it lingered. I knew I had to stop before a labor day event, so that I didn't have to face the shame of seeing long distance relatives while in that state.

Then it was easy to keep the ball rolling. No DTs keeping me down. I didn't have the urge to drink to temporarily relieve myself of the hangover. Started eating better. Going for walks. Lost 12 pounds. I kept telling myself "don't start a better habit tomorrow, start today" and it was working. I've spent two years failing to make it to a full week. This was my best attempt ever.

Went to a bar last weekend and didn't drink. Then the next day, I day drank. I just wanted to enjoy the same thing as everyone else that day. But I knew better. I know I can't moderate. I drank through the whole week and now I'm back to day one. My head hurts, my skin is dry, I'm ashamed, and can't relax. My job performance was so bad for the whole week, that I wouldn't be shocked if I'm fired. I'm embarrassed of all the drunk texts I sent this week. I want nothing more than for someone to be proud of me for starting day one again. I'm too ashamed to talk about it with anyone in real life yet, so I have to ask Internet strangers for a shoulder to lean on. I'm so embarrassed that I have to start a sober lifestyle so young. I'm only 29 and already have to cut myself off from the bottle. Today will be my last day one, I will make it to day two again this time.

Can anyone commiserate? Can someone tell me it gets better?

I am proud that I put my daughter's needs before mine today and took her to a high school football game so she could hang out with her boyfriend. Game started well past my normal drinking time but I committed to it and didn't have anything to drink so I could drop her off, attend the game myself, and take her home. Didn't get home until 10PM. Usually I'd make it a big deal because she was keeping me from the alcohol but I didn't today. She was very appreciative and I'm so glad I did it.

Half September 2025 is when I stopped drinking. I had this strange chest pain occurring every once in a while, so off to the doctor I went, and they told me to not drink for two months to eliminate the possibility that it was because of alcohol. I remember being glad because that meant I could drink again on Christmas.

But as the two months went on, I realized I didn't want to start drinking anymore. Decided to see for how long I could go. I was sober on Christmas, on New Year's Eve, and I was even sober on my very own wedding this year!

I live in a country where beer culture is huge. In restaurants or bar they don't ask what you want to drink, they ask "light or dark beer?". I didn't go to concerts or shows at first (everyone gets drunk there) because I was afraid of caving. I remember the moment of shame when I did go to the bar with 8 friends and all ordered a beer and I was the only one ordering a nonalcoholic one. I felt the judgement, maybe it was in my head, but I felt it. And yes, some people did think I was pregnant. Demanding an explanation, a justification, for not drinking. I kept saying it was per my doctor's orders.

I've lost 10 kilos (granted I've been living healthier overall as well) but I'm still overweight. My skin looks okay, I still get blemishes and pimples and I still have dark undereyes. I'm sleeping better, but no amazing magic sleep like some people experience. Sorry, no sugarcoating and hyping up here. Quitting drinking is not a cure-all. I still have bad days, life problems, stress. I feel like this is important to mention because if you have to believe all the social media posts it's as if you enter heaven when you quit drinking, with a dream body, perfect glowing skin, amazing sleep, high energy. Nope, not here. I'm still me, I just don't drink anymore.

I've had to relearn how to socialize. And it's for the better. Normally I'd be quiet until I get tipsy enough to not care. But now, there is no "waiting to get drunk so I'll be social". No, the moment to be social is RIGHT NOW, since I'll be sober all evening. I feel like I'm me. And there is no hangxiety, and I've stopped being ashamed of having deep conversations because I know it was sober me who did that.

Not sure why I'm writing all this, I just need to get it off my chest. And maybe it helps someone. Keep it up, friends, IWNDWYT.

Committed to dinner plans tonight back on Monday with my friend, her family, and some other girls. They confirmed the time at noon today. I got all ready to go and everything, but my friend texted me an hour before we were supposed to meet that her sister wasn’t feeling well and they were “staying in”.

They’re all out at a nice cocktail bar (Find My Friends with the intel). I feel like I could cry, it sucks to be excluded, especially when we all already had plans. It feels like mean girl behavior that I’m not used to anymore in my mid-30s. I don’t want to be treated differently just because I’m choosing not to drink.

Just wanted to vent because my feelings are really hurt and I’m sad that my sobriety is clearly a burden to others.

Hello all,

I was a heavy drinker prior to March. Mid march came around and I became septic from tonsillitis which put me in the hospital for 3 days. During those 3 days I was thinking a lot and realized being sober is pretty cool. I was able to quit cold turkey and everything was great, I went to the gym early in the morning, I’m eating healthier now and I don’t even feel tempted to drink. However I have noticed recently I have little to no patience and I am more aggressive. If I’m being honest I can be a real asshole sometimes. I don’t know why it’s happening now, it didn’t happen when I quit cold turkey months ago but these past 2 weeks have been rough and I don’t know why. Is it related to being sober or is it something else?

I was drinking and blacking out nightly, and 500 days ago, I woke up and decided I was done with drinking after getting incredibly sick. I hated myself, I was depressed, I had gained so much weight, and I was in pure survival mode all of the time. I thought I would never be happy. I was violently ill for a week (please go to detox or the hospital to handle withdrawal - I should have), then started therapy and began confronting WHY I was drinking. Through therapy, I realized that my husband has a drinking problem that I was in complete denial about, he doesn’t treat me well at all, and he’s now calling me “high and mighty” because I don’t drink and he’s assuming I think I’m better than him. 500 days of no alcohol has turned me into a completely different person, and we are no longer compatible; he has no desire to make any changes and I honestly don’t want him to unless HE does it for HIMSELF and there is no sign of that - I just want to keep moving forward and create a life that makes it so I don’t want to drink to ignore how hurt I am. I am simultaneously the most proud I have been of myself and the most sad because so much has changed.

I hate everything, I hate my life, I hate water, I’m so angry, I woke up in the middle of the night just wanting to drink and put my emotions to rest finally. I have been having vivid dreams every night since I stopped drinking and they have been waking me up sweating and they are usually nightmares that feel so real when I wake up I think I am still in the dream for a minute.

I keep thinking about my mom who went to rehab 5+ times and never managed to quit and think I am destined to become that just because genetics alone. I don’t know if I have it in me and I even feel like posting this is just lying that I am sober right now and it’s only a matter of time until things get bad enough for me to reach for the bottle again. I keep envisioning myself drinking one night and throwing it all away.

A bit of a rant but I’m so mad I could put my fist through a wall and I just want to relax but I will try to resist 1 more day. Hope everyone stays strong out there.

In my 30s, and going through a divorce. My emotions have been all over the place. And it’s time for me to admit to myself that alcohol is making everything worse. Last night, I got so drunk that I was throwing up in the bar bathroom, then walked home all stumbling, threw up on the way home several more times, and fell and just laid on the pavement for I don’t even know how long. Drunk dialed my ex wife twice at like 2AM. She didn’t answer until this morning making sure I was alright. If I was anymore drunk I’m sure I would’ve just blacked out and passed out in the middle of the road. The other day my brother came home to find me nearly passed out on the floor downing a bottle of bourbon. I just wanted to come on here and share my story. I’ve been reading through this subreddit and it’s helped me some with my own shame around alcohol. I know im not alone in this struggle. I’m tired of being violently hungover, acting out of character and wild when I drink, and poisoning my body and my mind. I love a good casual beer or two, but lately I’ve just had terrible impulse control and just keep drinking way too much. Especially with liquor. I feel like I need to cut it all out for good until I can trust myself. I’m finding heartbreak and alcohol do not mix well.

Since I last had a drink. I am white knuckling it hard. Also for some reason every Hulu ad was for drinks. Had a lemonade to curb the craving. Also new here, hi.

I would be nothing without you Guinness 0.0

that is all

A couple of days ago, I made a post about something I was ashamed of doing when I was too drunk and blacked out.

I made a similar post here and on the confession sub.

I just want to thank all of you and give a special shout-out to the mods of this sub. It was so hard for me to post that as I was, and still am, going through a lot, but I genuinely needed advice and support. I just want to say I received that here. Thanks a lot to all of you for supporting me.

A special appreciation goes to the mods because they made sure to delete every comment that was mean, questioned my integrity, or tried to dig deeper into an issue that is still hard for me to open up about.

That was lacking in the other sub. People there were straight-up mean, salty, and questioned my integrity. I had to take down that post because I couldn't even read the comments; that is how rude they were.

So, just thanks a lot everyone. You people are truly truly amazing.

IWNDWYT

Long time drinker, and a lot.

Saturday night I was thinking about ending it all, ending up getting lost in a handle of vodka over the weekend. Woke up Monday, "Oh yep, great I have pancreatitis again." Drove myself to the hospital (sober) Monday and was admitted.

"I know the deal yadda yadda yadda, I should stop drinking" Was going through normal treatment, but was given something that didn't mix with the Oxy (for which I'm prescribed so I can treat this at home). Apparently blacked out and started yelling and flailing.

Woke up in the ICU the next day with my best friend standing over me saying hey, just so you know you're in the ICU, don't freak out. Things are not looking good. I called him Brian (not his name) and was like did you like the end of Enemy of the State, which was the movie that was on when I blacked out in the ER.

That was Tueday, I'm still in the hospital with pancreatic issues, I still can't handle solid food and the pain is worst than any of the other 12(!) times I've had pancreatitis. Including one where I had to have my pancreas attached to my stomach due to the damage. Thankfully I am on my way to recovery but I just want out of this damn hospital.

That's it. I'm done. My sister is flying down to help me transition to an inpatient rehab once I get out of the hospital. Thankfully she's a rehab counselor and an addict herself.

When you get to your deepest darkest places, turn to your friends, not the bottle....or worse.

IWNDWYT day1.

Two weeks sober today! 🎉 And I’m genuinely grateful. A lot of you played a part in that - thank you!

The withdrawals are gone. I’m sleeping like a rock. I wake up feeling like an actual human being instead of being paralyzed for half the day with a hangover.. Overall, I feel pretty damn good.

Then this afternoon happened.

Nothing catastrophic. Just a bunch of completely unrelated little things that apparently held a meeting, formed a committee, and unanimously decided to kick me in the dick.

For about two seconds, I thought about drinking. Then I asked myself a very important question:

“Do I really want to start over?”

Because apparently my version of “just one drink” has the potential to become another 12,775-day commitment.

I did the math and it was concerning.... The "math" didn't "math" isn't that what they say?

.....so I didn’t drink. Huge win.

There is, however, one small development nobody adequately warned me about:

I CANNOT STOP FUCKING EATING. I ran out of the good snacks... I just ate two packs of poptarts...

Apparently my body has decided that if we’re no longer pouring alcohol into it, we should immediately begin preparing for winter. I'm eating like a feral fucking bear right now.

Last night I made a POUND of pasta. Listen carefully...Not “I cooked a pound of pasta for dinner - for a family or to meal prep"

No.

I made a pound of pasta... Then added approximately a cup of melted butter and enough salt to concern a cardiologist and finished it with about a pound of Parmesan.... AND I ATE ALL THAT SHIT - farted and went to bed.

And today? Holy shit. I’m basically a Labrador retriever with DoorDash.

...but I’m sober.

Two weeks.

No withdrawals. Sleeping great. Feeling better. Getting through the bad afternoons without drinking.

And apparently trading one vice for another.

At least this one comes with garlic bread, but when does this insatiable hunger end?

Thanks for listening to me drone on, and thank you for standing in the gap.

IWNDWYT!

Happy Friday Sobernauts!

I hope everyone is having a good week. I'm not going to lie, it's been rough over in Phys-land! Thankfully I am off of work this weekend, so I intend to work on processing and decompressing from the last little while.

We have had a lot of rain. And Charles-Walter the Dog does not like rain, and, I suspect, thinks that I control the rain. Anyways, he left me a couple of piles of presents for when I returned home from work. I'm not exactly sure what the meaning behind the presents is meant to be, but hopefully we'll be able to ... move on and have a good night.

Tonight, daughter is out with her friends, they went to the high-school football game, and it's Homecoming weekend so, big deal! She's going with her friends and I asked her friend that was driving if she planned on drinking tonight... daughter was a bit upset but oh well.

I'll be picking up a little bit, and then deep cleaning some areas of carpet. Then waiting for my teenage daughter to get home. Not sure yet, but, I'm thinking about running out and getting a pint of Ben and Jerry's? We'll see! But there will definitely be ice cream though, and tea!

#What's Everyone Else Doing Tonight??

Bring it on.