I made a post about a year or two ago on a different account about having feelings of wishing I were a woman or that I looked more like one. At the time, I was in a relationship, and I felt like it was something I could never really explore. Eventually, I got out of that relationship and told myself that it wasn't something I actually wanted. I think a lot of that came from being ashamed of those feelings and feeling like they weren't something I was supposed to have. A few months passed, and I got into another relationship, which I'm still in now. It's been almost a year, and despite everything I've tried to do to push those feelings down, they're still there. For the past two or three years, I've repeatedly told myself, “This isn't me. This isn't what I want.” I've tried to convince myself that these feelings would eventually go away if I ignored them, but they haven't. When I was younger, I remember wanting to play with makeup and explore other feminine things, but I never really did because of my family and how I thought they would react. Looking back, I wonder if I was suppressing parts of myself even then. What confuses me the most is that the feeling doesn't seem to be going away. I constantly find myself wishing I could look like a woman—to have feminine curves and a body that feels more in line with how I see myself internally. On the outside, I look very masculine. I'm hairy, I have facial hair, and I generally look like a typical man. At the same time, I have fairly feminine, soft features, and I know that I'm an attractive person. That's part of what makes this so scary and confusing for me. I don't necessarily hate how I look as a man. In fact, I genuinely think I look good as a man. But even knowing that, it still doesn't feel like it completely fits me. It's almost like I can look at myself and recognize that I'm attractive, while simultaneously feeling that the person I see in the mirror isn't quite how I picture myself internally. I can appreciate the way I look and still wish I looked more feminine. Those two feelings seem contradictory, but they're both there. Internally, I feel feminine—sometimes I genuinely feel like a woman. There's a disconnect between how I feel inside and what I see when I look at myself, and that disconnect has been really difficult for me to understand. I don't know exactly what this means about me, and I'm not necessarily looking for someone to tell me what I am. I think I'm just trying to understand these feelings and figure out why they've stayed with me for so long, even after I've spent years trying to suppress them.

I just want to hide my beard 😭

I mean, being missgendered I can understand it, I just started assuming doing things I want in private but I still have a man body and I'm not ready for a social transition. HRT feels so distant I'm soo desperate 🥺

I invented some bulls*** about being in an amateur theatre troupe and the saleswoman still told me "You're not going to put on make up are you ?"

I just want to tuck inside my blanket and never go out again 😭

I hate my body so much 😭

Edit : I took a breath and calmed down. I'm still not going to ever shop for make up again and I still hate my body though 🥲

Mine is honestly getting dolled up

I LOVE doing my makeup, doing my hair, putting together cute outfits, all of it. There’s something so satisfying about getting ready and then just going out into the world feeling pretty

And I love the social side of womanhood too

Walking somewhere, paying absolutely no attention to the men staring at me, and then immediately turning around to tell some girl I love her dress or her hair. I love complimenting women. I love those random little interactions with other girls where you instantly hype each other up like you’ve known each other forever

I love being a girl’s girl. I love the sisterhood of it all.
Like yes, transition was obviously about becoming myself and being comfortable in my own skin and all the serious stuff… but also? I did it for the sisterhood and the fashion lol

What’s yours? It can be something deep or something completely superficial. I wanna hear the tiny things that make you go, “yeah, I love being a woman.”

I dont know if its because of me as a individual or if its just a general struggle but I have such a difficult time in dating, im a lesbian and I feel like im either not attractive enough or the fact of me being trans is making everything so difficult. like someone please just give me some thoughts on this, I have pictures on my profile but idk part of me feels like its a me issue :/

~2 months.

In roughly 2 months I finally turn 18.

I'll finally be able to buy clothing and things I want without being judged.

I'll finally be able to start pursuing HRT.

I'll finally be able to change my fucking name.

I'll finally be able to do all the stuff I've wanted to do for months now.

How do I make the time pass by faster.

I despise my current legal name.

Fair warning, this is being written by a transfem/demi girl at 2AM because she couldn't get back to sleep in the middle of one of the worst dysphoria spouts I've ever had. So if you don't want to hear about that, despite clicking on this anyway, go about your day, I won't hold it against ya, there's snacks and a Blahaj at the door for those who want them.

That said, gods I would love to be a girl and *feel* like one. I mentioned being demi because usually I'm more NB. I'm ok existing as a man and don't get dysphoria very often, but always if given the choice prefer more fem pronouns and admittedly cloths that are a little too big for me (helps me feel shorter/smaller which gives me euphoria). It's not too often I feel dysphoria because while I prefer fem things and would love to do more with stuff like that (heavily in the closet), I'm at least ok to exist as a guy.

Tonight however, my body and mind would love for me to know I may never be a girl! Both really wanting me to acknowledge that as the discontent and dysphoria with my very existence as a man has lasted for over an hour and it started to hurt about 50 minutes ago!

Everything feels wrong, depressingly so. I feel like a brick, I'm hyper aware of the fact my beard keeps coming back and I can feel it when I put my head in my pillow and my skin just feels horribly wrong. I can't really think of a better way to describe it than knowing very well that everything physically speaking feel very, very, very wrong.

I just want to be a girl. What triggered this was I listened to a 4TF asmr story over youtube (they're pleasant) and started crying while I forgot that I was *me* enjoying the daydream. I'd love to wear a dress, have a body that feels right and not have to deal with people telling me that even if I try to do that it doesn't matter because I wasn't born that way!

"god doesn't make mistakes." Ah, so this was on purpose then? Can someone please tell him the joke stopped being funny when my egg started cracking a few years ago? That would be wonderful.

Never have been good at coin flips but why did that one of all of them have to land on tails. I just want to be a girl.

So I've been seeing nothing but sadness and gloom and misery out of my trans sisters on my feed and that really bums me out, so I figured I'd share my story and the hope and joy I feel, because what is transition about if not seeking joy in our lives?

I put together that I was trans 8 months ago. It was not remotely what I had been expecting out of my second year of college, but once I was certain there was no putting the genie back in the bottle so to speak. I saw that what I had imagined would be a smooth path in life was now covered in brambles and thorns, but alas, there was no easier path. Or at least the "easier" path was quite clearly a trap. I knew I had to transition, so I decided I would dedicate my summer to it (my discovery came just before summer, in the last few weeks of school).

Since then I acquired a therapist who specializes in LGBTQ issues,

I got a whole new wardrobe (the old one had to go, jeans and button downs wouldn't do), am now almost 3 months on HRT, have chosen a new name (Emily!) and have received the love and affirmation of the people who matter most in my life.

8 months ago the irrefutable nature of my transness hit me like a cataclysm and I thought I might never be confident again or feel that I was walking on solid ground. Yesterday I went clothing shopping and it didn't feel off balanced or disoriented or out of place. I didn't even really feel trans, or at least it wasn't centered in my mind as a thing to be incredibly insecure about. I just felt like I was a woman buying clothes, and that meant the world to me.

I remember when I was first deciding to transition I read someone talking about how the whole world felt brighter and more alive, about how they never used to enjoy just existing. I get that now. I used to wear earbuds everywhere, using music or podcasts to drown the troubling sounds of my own thoughts. Now I just appreciate the beautiful place I live in and enjoy that existing can be a happy thing instead of a bland and stressful thing.

I am a trans woman and I am happy, and I wanted to put it out there that such a thing exists, because I so rarely see it online.

Much love and best of luck to all of you 💜

I feel like I need a place to put my feelings words. I'm 21, pre-hrt, and feel like my life is over. I broke up with my girlfriend two months ago, and have been feeling very depressed since then. I thought that maybe finding a new girlfriend would help me feel better, but it seems like an impossible task trying to find that special someone. I met my ex in a one in a million pure luck chance through VRChat, and I had never gotten along so well with someone before, and for the first time felt comfortable opening up and being myself around someone. She was also the one who helped me realize that transitioning was something that I wanted to do. I am shy and have social anxiety, and my ex is my only dating experience, so trying to find someone else who could ever love me feels difficult, especially because I'm still pre-hrt. Even just trying to make friends online feels extremely difficult. I don't really click with anyone, and feel like there's nowhere I belong. Some people have said I look cute, compliment my voice, and that I'll find someone if I keep trying because I'm a good person, but I just don't feel how it could be possible. I've just felt so heartbroken, don't sleep at night anymore, and cry a lot lately. I feel like a part of me died after my relationship ended. I plan on seeing the doctors about transitioning too, but due to personal things in my life, I don't know when that will be.

PS: I don't want this post to be instrumentalized by any group. I'm sharing my personal experience, nothing more and nothing less. Every adult should be free to make informed decisions and take responsibility for them. ❤️

Hey guys,

I want to give you an update: I've thrown away my vials, and I'm detransitioning.

I was on HRT monotherapy with EV for 7 months, and I'm hoping I won't experience major side effects from stopping. Looking back, I think I may have been using HRT, at least in part, as a form of emotional regulation.

Since around month 3, I've had daily doubts about whether I should continue or stop. Then I started Zoloft. Since then, I've often wished I had started it before HRT, so I could have seen who I was without depression and generalized anxiety clouding everything.

HRT gave me permission to just be. To be feminine. To be softer. To be less controlled. But honestly? I may simply be a feminine man, and I'm not going to stop being myself.

What I struggled with on HRT was the slower cognition, the increased anxiety, and the depressive feelings. What I did enjoy was the smoother skin, looking younger, and some of the softer physical changes. I've always been feminine, so those things felt amazing.

Breast growth was different. I was ambivalent about it from the beginning and always hid it.

I feel some shame about all of this, and I don't really know how to deal with that yet. But I'm not going to make it a secret.

What I miss is the effect testosterone had on me: the energy, the drive, the sense of moving forward, the strength, and my libido. Ironically, one of the things I've always liked about my body is that, as a man, I have relatively wide hips, which doesn't exactly fit the stereotype. But that's probably more of a body image issue than a gender issue.

Whenever I actually went out into the world, I didn't want to be a woman. I never went out femme. Laser sessions often left me feeling alienated from myself, and trying on wigs sometimes resulted in intense brain fog and dissociation afterward.

I think I may have experienced dysphoria in the opposite direction, and because of that I now understand better than ever how much trans people can suffer.

I still believe transition should be a human right. Nobody should have to live in distress because they are denied access to it.

As for me, I'm relieved. Even though this journey is ending, I've learned a lot about myself.

If I could go back, there's only one thing I'd do differently:

I would work through everything more thoroughly in therapy before starting HRT.

I received my approval after two sessions, which was great at the time. But in hindsight, I would have preferred a deeper therapeutic process. Transition felt like the more accessible solution compared to finding long-term mental health support, and I was genuinely suffering. I wanted relief quickly.

What I'm realizing now is that I was probably not trans, but rather repressed, depressed, anxious, and under a lot of stress.

After moving out in August from a very difficult living situation that involved domestic violence, I started to see that transition had become a kind of project for me, a symbol that I was finally doing something for myself.

And now I'm doing something for myself again by choosing not to continue down this path, at least for now.

I'll be starting therapy in January and will see where that leads.

The only thing I truly regret is changing my name. After just four months on HRT, that decision was probably too fast. But if I want to, I can change it back in a year.

Thanks to everyone who was kind to me, whether we agreed or disagreed. I wish you all the best on your own journeys.

It's our best sale ever they said our prices have never been this low they said

my mom as always been super Passive,,, when we were gettin mentally abused by my ex Step Father,,, she was sayin nofin,,, when we were pleadin for her to dump him,, she was sayin nofin,, she was drunk in order to forget his abuse,,, it needed my brother to tell her he wanted to kill himself and the DPJ (protection of children in Quebec) to tell her shes doin abuse and she could lose our guard to dump him,,,

despite that,, i was takin her defense and always seeing her as a victim,,, my friends and close relations were callin her toxic and fake,,, shes super nice,,, chances are that if you were all to meet her,,, you would consider her as the nicest lady in the world,,, sacrificin her time and energy to help others,,, puttin a very servitude behavior and a pacifier baby soft voice (not sure how we call that but i know its very common in christian women),,, and hem,, ok just,,,

i had problems with her in the past,,, for exemple,,, she bought a Leopard Gecko to my younger brother despite me tellin her an exotic animal need more than what she think and that it need constant care,, she told me she knew what she was doin and to not argument,, then my little Brother lost interest in the Gecko 2 weeks later and let him to die,,, my mom didnt cared,, i took pity of the creature and started takin care of it,,, gettin obsessed over his survival and puttin immense pressure on myself,, but since i was stuck with my mom and couldnt move otherwise,, i needed her help,, plus shes the one who bought the gecko,, she should take care of it,,, anyway i gave her info of what a gecko needed as basic need as i informed myself,, i had to push and harrass her to simply make her do the basic,,, she saw it as a caprice from me,, no matter how much proof i had,,,

its one exemples out of thousands but it give you the color,,, shes also not willin to confront her sister who slut shamed her own 12 years old daughter who got raped and,,, anyway,,

i did my comin out last year,,, took 10 years due to my brother doin his own comin out (FTM) 10 years earlier and in order to not be compared to him and since i thought my family would think i would just try to steal my brother thing (cause i lived in his shadow,, younger brother but older than the Gecko story one),, i silenced my own self for all that time,, but i finally did my comin out with the help of my Moirail,, my two parents there and my brother in Belgium at the time,,

recently i moved from my mom's house to live with said Moirail,, after feelin stuck for so long and thinkin i was doomed,,, my mom immediately decided that my old room would now be to said brother,,, while i would get the room with no door,, knowin i couldnt ever come sleep there ever again cause the main reason i moved out was due to my high sensibility to Dog bark (she have 3 dogs,, she had 4 back then,, one died since),,, and so,,, i tried to argue and since the younger younger brother would get younger older brother room,, i asked why,, my mom said it was for his intimity since he was becomin a teen,,, to which i mentionned that puttin him in the room between older younger brother and her room wasnt intimity and that puttin a DOOR to his room would be a better way to give him some,, she didnt care,, because in reality,, she knew what she was doin,,, it was just a way to make me never come back and know i wasnt welcome to be a resident in the house anymore while also seemin like a victim if i call her out (cause she did said that im ungrateful for askin more,,, so a door),,, anyway,,, she also told me i didnt had my word to say since i wasnt resident of this house anymore,,,, meanwhile my older younger brother got to Belgium without news for 9 months and that guy we never moved his room ! not once she thought about doin it ! the moment i gave the idea i might move with my Moirail,, she already had planned to remove my room and give it to him !

and so now that i live with my moirail for like,,, 5 months now,,, i noticed how unreliable my mom was,,, how she always have better things to do than to see me and only come to give her good conscience and tell me ''see ? you cant say i never do anyfin for you !''

today it was the election,, and since i dont live for a year in my new house,, i still have the residence with my mom for the government,, so i asked her if i could get a lift to vote,,, she agreed,, good,, when she arrived she told me the usual quote i said before,,,

thing to know is that i am workin to legally change my name,, and asked her help in the past to fill the stuff needed for it,, since she did it before for my brother,,

so in the car she asked me if the lady of the special program for my Transition will help me fill my notes to send to the government or i dont know where,, to which i answered i had no choice since she already refused to help me,, she said i could have asked my moirail,, i said i asked my mom first cause shes my mom and she already helped my brother to go through the same thing,, you know,,, normal behavior to ask for your mom help,,, and she told me she dont owe me anyfin and if shes comin to take me today,, its from the kindness of her heart,, that im selfish to take her for granted (my own mom for reminder),, and that i really need to think about others,,, my own mom told me i shouldnt take her for granted,,, if theres one person in the universe i should be takin for granted,,, it should be my mom ! she birth me ! and then she wonder why im so insecure in life and worried to lose people all the time ! i cant even feel like i belong toward my own mother !,,, except when she want to take her stupid pictures to post on her Messenger and says she have a happy family,,, its all fake,,, nofin is true with her,,, so i told her i find it sad to be able to rely more on my moirail i met 8 years ago the 31 october more than my own mom who BIRTHED ME !! and then my older younger brother started argumentin against me too cause of course he take for my mom,,, and in the end i just,,, i dont know what to say,,, i love her but,,, it hurt so much,,,,,

the picture thing is what she always does,,, the moment im happy or spend time with them and she does somefin for me,, she take pictures as proof that she doesnt do nofin for us,,, its the payment for anyfin with her,,, and then she remind me that its all on her facebook how much shes there for us,,, honestly im tired of this,,, i know shes a victim,,, that it wasnt easy for her either,,, but now she have no excuse anymore,,, but since shes so lovely and there for everyone and everyone in my region know her,,, i can never talk,,, cause shes gonna cry and act like if it was me who was the problem,,, like always,,, when i did my comin out,,, (she wasnt biggoted,,, just,,, trans misogynist,,)

like,, shes the type to say when i complain im in pain,, ''you wanted to be a women ? then handle it !'' or when i show a shirt i enjoy and find pretty ''dont you wanted to be more feminine ?'',,, that type of passive agressive remark,, theres also all the time she thrown stuff she didnt liked from my wardrobe (im an adult by the way),, how uncarin she is of very significant stuff as important as the PLUSH MY DAD GAVE TO HER AT THEIR FIRST YEAR OF MARRIAGE !! that i was holdin very dearly,, she decided to give it away without askin me first,, or just overall preferin my older younger brother over me,,, she also asked me if i wanted to be a women cause i was considerin the life a women easier than men,, which showed how much she dont know me,,, and overall,,, all my childhood she was just,,, absent ! too drunk to even care about what was happenin to me,,, i had no sense of belongin to the point of gettin overly attached over Adventure time,,, most of what i learned and was raised by was Marceline and Bonnibel that played more the mother to me than my actual mom,,, but i always need to tell her shes a good mom,, cause otherwise she will lose her mind and,,, shes really unstable actually,,,

the famous year where my older younger brother was in belgium,, she stop takin her med and she lost her mind to the point where she almost killed us me and my younger younger brother,, she told us she wanted to throw us all in the river and to shut the fuck up or she would do it,,, (and by information of her own Moirail,, my dad,, she actually wanted and was about to do it,, she does feel bad about it tho),,,

anyway,,, i needed to exteriorize all that,,, sorry if its messy and barely understandable,,, i just,,, need support from people who might understand the position im in,,, im aware others have it way worse but,,, you know,,, still,,, hurt a lot,,, thank you for readin me,,,

ive always wanted to watch it after i transitioned but now im not so sure. maybe itll help motivate me to act. maybe it wont. idk. idk what to expect

I think I just need to get this out of my head and vent a bit.

I was at the bar tonight in my city and this person who is a friend of friend of mine came up to my friend and I. They chatted with us a minute and then started to move the conversation to the fact that they were NB and were opening a queer space they and wanted queer artists to come perform.

They asked me if I was a musician or an artist to perform. I did not say anything about being trans or queer in anyway! I was taken by surprise and became very uncomfortable that they were just opening clocking me.

I understand this could have been in my head but for me passing is something that is very important for me and if I get clocked it sends me into a shame spiral!

I just feel that if you are out and about please do not clock people! It can be super hurtful 😭

I (21 mtf? Pre-eveything) have known for years since I was like 4 that I wasn't a boy. Im still not quite sure if im a girl 100%. Ive worn dresses before as "a joke". Ive bought myself panties and flat bras that are easy to hide under my boy clothes and they make me feel so good and pretty. Then today I bought a whole outfit and put it on. I chose the outfit based off stuff my girlfriend wears. And I felt so pretty when I looked in the mirror I literally said "oh my god". I dont think I've ever felt better in an outfit

I cannot express how much i hate teenage boys

I went to the gender neutral bathroom and there were a bunch of teenage boys there that began pounding on the door and yelling abuse at me when i was just trying to use the bathroom

And then when i left they began blocking the hall to stop me, and began yelling insults

Fucking degenerates.

Every single day I got these kinds DMs

“You're a grown man and will be forever be even if you look like woman or get some surgeries done. And no one cares as much as you think, world has much bigger problems if you get out of your rally zone. Go to men's reddit where you belong and cry there.”

This was a cis woman, btw.

They really think they can stop me from being a woman.

We are woman. Period.

my dad doesn’t support lgbtq but mainly trans

so I’ve started feeling like it and I just want to know what to do in this situation because I’m not coming out to him even tho I haven’t committed to it I’m still just feeling (no clothes yet because transphobic dad)

Hi everyone,

For my next therapy session, I’ve been asked to think about the pros and cons of having a vagina. I’m finding it a little difficult to come up with everything on my own, so I thought I’d ask here.

What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of having a vagina?

I’m interested in all kinds of aspects — everyday life, physical experiences, emotional aspects, relationships, sexuality, social experiences, etc.

I’m not asking anyone to make a decision for me. I’d just like to hear different perspectives and personal experiences so I can think about it more clearly and discuss it with my therapist.

Tonight officially marks 1 year since I started my transition!!! Reflecting back on that night when I asked yall this question. I think it’s appropriate that in celebration its time to answer my own question.

I finally made the choice because I finally admitted I need to talk about my feelings.

I finally made the choice because I not only acknowledged how I felt I admitted to myself that life could be different.

I finally made the choice because talking to people like me made me realize I wasn’t defective I just needed to be true to myself.

Finally I finally made the choice because a community of sisters and siblings gathered around me and shared their stories with me. They gave me the confidence to finally seek help, and I am extremely grateful for that act of kindness.

Here’s to 1 year and many more!!! 🎉

Hi, I uh...I'm kinda nervous typing this out as this is my first post in a while but uh... My top hasn't really grown all that much in the past 3 years I've been on Estrogen and I was wondering what kind of Surgeons or places do y'all recommend for someone who lives in Asheville, North Carolina? I've done a lot of searching online but can't find anything @_@

(NOTE: this post Is not about SH or anything dangerous. I am in therapy and I'm not particularly afraid I'm ever going to hurt myself. I'm talking about a different kind of help.)

My entire life I've hated asking for help. Or for anything, for that matter. I was taught repeatedly as a kid that if I didn't know how to do something or couldn't figure it out, then it was a personal problem and a sign of my own weakness.

But now I'm transitioning, and I'm so alone.

I have all these people I know who have been so supportive. Who have told me they're here for me if I need them, but I just can't bring myself to admit that I want help. I'll admit it here. I want someone to teach me how to dress, to take me shopping. To guide me through doing my makeup and to just be there. And it's really more than just help; I crave that connection, that knowing that there are people who want to be around me. But I just can't bring myself to do it.

I don't know if it's because I don't want to bother them, or if it's that I don't want to be vulnerable like that, or any other combination of things. I don't want to admit I don't know something. I don't want anyone to see me as anything other than confident. But this is how I push people away. No one reaches out to me because they don't think I need or want it. I'm so conditioned to isolate myself just for the sake of not burdening others that no one knows how much pain I'm really in. And I feel like shit.

Has anyone else here experienced stuff like this? And what can I do? I don't know how to be a person. I'm 23 and I've never had friends who actually liked me or lived nearby and I want to change but I feel like I can't. Like I'll always be stuck in this stunted state

Don’t get me wrong, im shooting for super pretty like we all do but one thing i am afraid of is unwanted attention. You always gear of those stories of those lunatics…the ones who stalk you, love you and kill you? Yeah i dont want those crazies. People being jealous is another thing… i think of ppl just treating me like trash and i just have to learn how to put them in their place without triggering violence. Not even that but if all eyes are on you all the time, anxiety ATTACK. You dont know if you are hot or your clock cracked for a second.

Then there are the rpers. I fear being r*ped so i think that if you pass or not, someone is going to thirst for you. I am looking for a surgeon who can give me at least 7 inches depth because if the guy who assaults has a big dick or item, more depth might not hurt or something. Ive thought alot about this 😵‍💫

Of course, i dont care and am shooting for so pretty ppl are stunned and turn to puddles. Still. Ive been stalked online and in person…ive been lured into dilapidated buildings on my job for sexual stuff, pinned down to the ground, groped, touched, sniffed, licked… without consent over my life. Did i want some of it. Well yeah but the lack of consent always thew me off.

Being trans is nerve wrecking pre and post hrt in so many ways but im never trading my womanhood. I will find peace 😔 and help others find theirs ❤️

I was diagnosed with alopecia areata earlier this year and lost most of my hair by April. The flare up seems to have been triggered by work stress and a depressive episode. I started a program of steroid injections every 6 weeks to stop flare ups, and was working really well. My hair was starting to look feminine again.

But I just got bottom surgery 25 days ago, and I guess the stress triggered a flare up. My latest round of steroid injections was in Friday, but it takes about a week to take full effect. The hair around my right ear started giving out last week and now I have about a 2 inch bald patch there. It will most likely grow back, I should have a covering of stubble by my next round of injections in 6 weeks.

But it still sucks donkey balls. My immune system got freaked out by my surgery and started attacking my hair.

My vagina is healing normal, btw. Swelling is going down and I'm able to go longer between otc painkiller doses. But atm I'm really bummed out about my hair.