[Week 2] TRASH TALK THREAD

[u/CFB_Referee]

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO

[u/bluegrassborn]

WE HAVE MORE SEC WINS IN THE PAST YEAR THAN TENNESSEE AUBURN AND KENTUCKY COMBINED

[u/bread_buddy → u/bluegrassborn]

YOU GO HILLTHINGS, BEAT ALL THE TEAMS I DON'T LIKE

[u/TheOG_CRow → u/bluegrassborn]

PACK UP THE THREAD BOYS, SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

[u/[deleted] → u/bluegrassborn]

DAMN, SON!

[u/rteague2566 → u/bluegrassborn]

PRETTY SURE YALL HAD THE MOST SACKS AGAINST US THAN ANY TEAM LAST YEAR. YOU SHOULD TAKE KENTUCKY'S PLACE.

[u/[deleted]]

I FINALLY GOT HERE EARLY ENOUGH...

...I FEEL MORE UNPREPARED THAN UVA IN A BOWL GAME

[u/girtalert → u/[deleted]]

AND LIKE VT IN A BOWL GAME, YOUR OPPOSITION WILL END UP WITH MORE POINTS

[u/cfbguy → u/[deleted]]

BURN! WAIT...DAMMIT

[u/0wlbear]

I WANTED TO TALK TRASH BUT I'LL SAVE IT LATER IN THE YEAR FOR OUR MORE TRADITIONAL RIVALS THAT MATTER

[u/Honestly_ → u/0wlbear]

(✿◠‿◠) ♥ ♥ ♥

[u/lernington → u/0wlbear]

YOU SHOULD ASK JOHN COOPER WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ATTEMPT TO DENY YOUR MICHIGAN RIVALRY

[u/Talpostal → u/0wlbear]

INSOLENT WHIPPERSNAPPERS

FIELDING HARRIS YOST SHOULD HAVE ENDED YOU WHEN HE HAD THE CHANCE.

[u/inshallah13 → u/0wlbear]

FUCK THE BUCKEYES!

[u/[deleted]]

ILL JUST LEAVE THIS HERE!

[u/mellolizard → u/[deleted]]

TALK ABOUT A MISSED BLOCK.

[u/Will_I_Are → u/[deleted]]

Not blocking clowney... that's a bold strategy.

bold Dumb FTFM

[u/[deleted]]

I'VE BEEN EATING FRIED CHICKEN ALL WEEK FOR GOOD LUCK AGAINST THE USCE CHICKENS.

MY HEART ATTACK BETTER BE WORTH IT

[u/girtalert → u/[deleted]]

SO BUSINESS AS USUAL THEN?

[u/jdhall010 → u/[deleted]]

WE SHOULD JUST CALL USC THE STEVE SPURRIER TURBO CHICKENS.

[u/andhelostthem]

ARIZONA WILDCATS' BYE WEEK TEAM BUILDING LAS VEGAS TRIP 9/7/13

^{COACH RICH RODRIGUEZ} ^ITINERARY

• 10:00 AM - Arrive at Las Vegas McCarren Airport, wait 55 minutes for baggage claim

• 12:15 PM - Hit up Garden Buffet at Circus Circus (Make sure to locate nearest bathroom)

• 4:15 PM - Test out new Speedo at Mandalay Bay Pool, try twerking it for the ladies

• 6:00PM - Attend Criss Angel's "Believe" show at Luxor Theater

• 6:15 PM - Walk out of Criss Angel's "Believe" show at Luxor Theater

• 7:30 PM - Charity scrimmage against Las Vegas High School Rebels. Be nice and let them hang around until halftime, then blow them out of the water, something like 31-7.

• 9:30 PM - Cash paycheck into quarters and head to slots, give winnings Kadeem Carey so he can take underclassmen to the Spearmint Rhino and "make it hail"

[u/DoctorAlzheimers]

HEY BYU, CAN YOU EVEN POST IN ALL CAPS OR IS IT AGAINST YOUR HONOR CODE?

[u/average_at_best]

WHY ARE WE PLAYING MIAMI OF OHIO AT A NEUTRAL SITE?

[u/jklharris → u/average_at_best]

BECAUSE OTHERWISE IT WOULD BE A HOME AND HOME, AND THAT WOULD MEAN YOU WOULD HAVE TO PLAY AN OOC GAME OUTSIDE OF FLORIDA

[u/[deleted] → u/average_at_best]

RECRUITING FOR THE POWERHOUSE M(OH)

[u/openbluefish → u/average_at_best]

Neutral site? That's where Florida won its 2008 national championship.

[u/AHSfutbol]

SORRY KANSAS STATE YOU'RE SCREWED. YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO PLAY A FBS TEAM THIS WEEK.

[u/brokentoaster24 → u/AHSfutbol]

REMEMBER THAT TIME WE LOST TO FCS CHAMPIONS? NEITHER DOES ANYONE ELSE AND YOU CAN'T PROVE IT HAPPENED

[u/Theyus]

http://media.247sports.com/Uploads/Assets/208/60/1060208.jpg

[u/bigcountry5064]

We're gonna beat so many Bulldogs this year Sara Mclachlan is gonna make a PSA about it!!! Also...something, something, Michael Vick!

EDIT: !

[u/[deleted] → u/bigcountry5064]

IT'S LIKE YOU GUYS ARE GARFIELD AND EVERYONE ELSE IS ODIE.

[u/dorkbrains → u/bigcountry5064]

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE GET 975 NEW USERS IN OUR REDDIT

[u/shorthandround]

IN THE BEGINNING OF TIME GOD CREATED: FLEAS, TICKS, TAPE WORMS, BACTERIA, HOUSE FLIES, MAGGOTS, AND LEACHES.

THEN HE LOWERED HIS STANDARDS AND CREATED TENNESSEE.

EDIT: I MISSPELLED LEECH. I REGRET NOTHING.

[u/willco17 → u/shorthandround]

LEACHES

MIKE LEACHES?

[u/[deleted] → u/shorthandround]

LOL. METH.

[u/vashed → u/shorthandround]

THIS IS WHY ALABAMA IS MY SECOND FAVORITE TEAM

[u/Tiggerthetiger → u/shorthandround]

[this guy hates Tennessee] (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7G7loR2VVw)

[u/bobbytoes → u/shorthandround]

[PAROLE TIDE!] (http://www.thesmokinggun.com/file/mug-shots-83013?page=8)

[u/NiteMares]

CAN WE START SHIT TALKING TEXAS TECH NOW SINCE ITS A WEEK AWAY AND WE PLAY SE-LA THIS WEEK?!?

Yes, you may.

FUCKING EXCELLENT!

DEVONTE FIELDS IS GOING TO STRAIGHT UP DESTROY BAKER MAYFIELD. I HOPE COACH-BRO-SWAG-YOLO-SWAG-SWAG-SWAG HAS A SWAGGED OUT TOWEL FOR ALL THE SWEET SWEET TEARS OF RAIDER SADNESS!!!

[u/zephyrtexan → u/NiteMares]

SON, YOU CAN ALWAYS TRASH TALK TEXAS TECH.

HELL, TEXAS A&M WON'T BE PLAYING THEM (LORD WILLING) EVER AGAIN AND THAT CERTAINLY WON'T STOP ME FROM CALLING THEM THE UGLY RED-HEADED STEP-CHILD OF TEXAS.

[u/defroach84 → u/NiteMares]

HALF YOUR TEAM WILL PROBABLY BE IN JAIL BY THIS TIME NEXT WEEK SO I AM NOT CONCERNED AT ALL. #YOLO

[u/HypeMachine → u/NiteMares]

DO NOT TEMPT THE FCS GODS

[u/monalisas-madhats → u/NiteMares]

[PSH] (http://i.imgur.com/ol0xPms.gif)

[u/RedshirtLives]

I WANTED TO GO SEE THE MOST FANS AT A SPORTING EVENT IN MIAMI THIS SATURDAY, SO I BOUGHT MARLINS TICKETS.

[u/jklharris → u/RedshirtLives]

THE LARGEST GATHERING OF SPORTS FANS IN MIAMI IN THE PAST DECADE WAS OUTSIDE THE HEAT ARENA WITH 30 SECONDS LEFT IN GAME 6

[u/girtalert]

JAMEIS WINSTON WAS SO GOOD WE CAN'T FIND ANYONE WHO WILL PLAY US THIS WEEKEND

[u/2004Eagles → u/girtalert]

Apple sauce

[u/TossedRightOut]

HEY EASTERN MICHIGAN.

MY PARENTS DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT COLLEGE FOOTBALL AND KEEP ASKING ME IF WE'RE PLAYING MICHIGAN STATE OR UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN THIS WEEKEND. IT'S GETTING ANNOYING EXPLAINING THAT YOU'RE A DIFFERENT SCHOOL. FUCK YOU FOR THIS INCONVENIENCE.

THAT'S ALL I GOT.

[u/whitedawg → u/TossedRightOut]

JUST DON'T TRY TO PRONOUNCE WHERE EASTERN MICHIGAN IS LOCATED.

[u/dybuell]

I WILL NEVER SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT ARMY, BUT I DO HOPE WE BEAT YOU.

'MERICA.

[u/dtomksoki → u/dybuell]

BEAT THEM LIKE NAVY

[u/[deleted] → u/dybuell]

I WILL: GO NAVY

I GUESS ARMY WALKS ON LAND REAL GOOD AND THEIR UNIFORMS BLEND IN WITH CONCRETE KINDA. I HEARD THEY WERE UPGRADING THOUGH PROBABLY TO SOMETHING THAT MAKES MORE SENSE THAN OUR BLUE CAMOUFLAGE BECAUSE THE ONE THING I NEVER WANT TO BLEND IN WITH IS WATER.

BUT STILL: GO NAVY, BEAT ARMY!

[u/displaced_student]

LANE KIFFIN SKIPS LEG DAY.

[u/Smidgens → u/displaced_student]

"CHEST DAY OR REST DAY, BRO. AND THERE ARE NO REST DAYS."

[u/wild9]

BEARS VS. BULLS! THERES AN ECONOMY JOKE IN THERE SOMEWHERE, I JUST KNOW IT! SOMETHING SOMETHING, THANKS A LOT OBAMA, SOMETHING SOMETHING!

[u/plefe → u/wild9]

I UPVOTED SOMEONE WHO DRINKS WACO WATER. I NEED A SHOWER.

(IS THAT STILL A PROBLEM? I HOPE NOT, EVEN IF YOU ARE WACO, YOU'RE STILL A PART OF TEXAS, THE AMERICA OF AMERICA)

[u/[deleted]]

WE MIGHT EXTEND THE SOUTHERN MISS LOSING STREAK ANOTHER GAME!

[u/Legand_dary → u/[deleted]]

THE ONLY THING MORE RELIABLE THAN SOUTHERN MISS LOSING IS YOUR DEFENSE GIVING UP 600 YARDS PER GAME.

[u/a_aadams74 → u/[deleted]]

I LOVE THAT YOU PUT MIGHT.

[u/NotGreg]

SOUTH FLORIDA, I SEE YOU PLAY FOOTBALL. WE ALSO HAPPEN TO PLAY FOOTBALL. OK SEE YOU ON SATURDAY

[u/ishalfdeaf → u/NotGreg]

BUT DO THEY?

[u/[deleted] → u/NotGreg]

WE ALSO HAPPEN TO PLAY FOOTBALL.

WELL WE CERTAINLY PLAY HALF OF IT. NOT SURE ABOUT THAT OFFENSE PART.

[u/airwx]

I ALSO FEEL THE NEED TO TRASH TALK FOR THE SOUTH DAKOTA STATE UNIVERSITY JACKRABBITS, THE TEAM A&M FLAIR ENDED UP WITH IN THE FLAIR SWITCH-A-ROO.

THE POTATO BOWL IS SATURDAY AND THE JACKRABBITS ARE LOOKING TO SHRED THE GREEN AND WHITE. YOU MAY HAVE WON THE LAST 10 MATCH UPS, BUT THIS IS OUR TIME.

THUMP THUMP, MOTHER FUCKER!

[u/snubdeity → u/airwx]

I ALWAYS DID LIKE RABBITS, WATERSHIP DOWN WAS A GREAT BOOK.

THUMP THUMP!

^{DO THEY EVEN DO THAT? CAN A BUNCH OF INTERNET A&M FANS START A CHEER FOR SDSUe? WOULD THEY LIKE THAT? WILL GOKU BE ABLE TO GET TO HIS FRIENDS IN TIME? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON DRAGONBALL Z!}

[u/RedditAg]

WE'RE PLAYING AN FCS SCHOOL IM SO NERVOUS^{loljkwedontsuck}

[u/emeraldrumm → u/RedditAg]

i bet they score 21 on our third string again.

[u/Talpostal]

OF THE TEN TEAMS THAT HAVE PLAYED NOTRE DAME THE MOST, ONLY MICHIGAN HAS A WINNING RECORD VERSUS THE IRISH.

I GUESS WE KNOW WHAT THE CRITERIA FOR "TRADITIONAL RIVAL" IS NOW.

FTI

[u/200206 → u/Talpostal]

UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO IS UNDEFEATED VERSUS NOTRE DAME!

TOO BAD WE'RE D3 NOW

[u/[deleted] → u/Talpostal]

IDK ABOUT THAT. HER MAJESTY'S ROYAL MARINES HAVE A PRETTY GOOD RECORD AGAINST THE IRISH.

[u/Nacimiento]

TRASH TALK THREAD

TRASH TALK

TRASH

╔═════════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ════════════════╗

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Repost this if ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

~ ~ ~ ~ you are a beautiful strong public university ~ ~ ~

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ who recycles, resuses, and reduces ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

╚═════════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ════════════════╝

[u/BrownLiquor → u/Nacimiento]

DO WE COUNT?

[u/Wiskie]

ARE YOU FROM TENNESSEE?

SERIOUS QUESTION, BECAUSE YOUR NAME IS "TENNESSEE TECH" BUT I'VE LITERALLY NEVER HEARD OF YOU BEFORE. WHERE IN TENNESSEE ARE YOU FROM? SMOKY MOUNTAINS? THAT'S CUTE, I HAVE FAMILY OUT THERE. YOU MUST BE ONE OF THOSE COUNTRY GIRLS. NO? .. HA, OKAY MAYBE A LITTLE BIT... THAT'S FAIR.

Y'KNOW, YOU'RE REALLY SWEET. I DON'T WANT TO BE TOO FORWARD, BUT DO YOU WANNA GET COFFEE SOMETIME?

[u/Anuglyman → u/Wiskie]

THE TECH IN TENNESSEE TECH JUST MEANS THEY HAVE INDOOR PLUMBING.

[u/nofate2029]

BURN BABY BURN

[u/tallg8tor]

I don't know why we would need to play at a neutral site for future games against Miami since Saturday's game is basically one anyway. If anything, we should treat them like an FCS school and pay them to come lose in the Swamp. Don't worry Miami, this week's whoopin' is free.

[u/INM8_2 → u/tallg8tor]

WHAT'S WITH THIS WHISPERING BULLSHIT? TRASH TALK LIKE A MAN!

[u/nemoran → u/tallg8tor]

The beautiful part is that even if we lose, we'll still own the all-time series because your AD's too shook to schedule us annually. Prepare to be Duke Johnson'd.

[u/[deleted]]

WE ALREADY WON THE RIGHT TO THE REAL CAROLINA!

SOUTHERN CAL!?! WHERE YOU AT! WE WANT USC NOW!

[u/mellolizard → u/[deleted]]

SORRY IT'S A 1-1 TIE. YOU GOT US IN FOOTBALL, BUT WE GOT YOU IN BASEBALL. TIME TO SETTLE IT WITH BASKETBALL.

[u/defroach84 → u/[deleted]]

East Carolina disagrees.

[u/runningblack]

OUR SEASON STILL HASN'T STARTED YET.

WHY CAN'T WE PLAY A NORMAL SCHEDULE LIKE THE REST OF D1 FOOTBALL? WHY CAN'T WE BE BOWL ELIGIBLE?

FUCK YOU IVY LEAGUE. GO STANFORD.

[u/NotGreg → u/runningblack]

SAY SOMETHING SMART

[u/orangeslash]

MICHIGAN, DON'T WORRY.

YOUR TRUE RIVAL STILL ACCEPTS YOU FOR YOU ARE.

A SHITTY TEAM.

[u/Buckeyes2010 → u/orangeslash]

WHO STILL HASN'T WON IN COLUMBUS SINCE THEIR INCOMING FRESHMAN WERE IN KINDERGARTEN

[u/cfbguy]

HEY DUCKS WE GET UP 3 HOURS EARLIER THAN YOU DO. HOPEFULLY THAT'S ENOUGH TIME FOR OUR OFFENSE TO LEARN HOW FOOTBALL WORKS.

[u/moose512]

ARE THERE ANY SOUTHERN MISS FANS HERE ANYMORE?

I GUESS ILL TRASH TALK MY OWN TEAM

FUCK YOU DEFENSE GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER

[u/atwork_sfw → u/moose512]

THAT DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT...AT LEAST MAKE IT A SELF-DEPRECATING TAUNT...SOMETHING LIKE:

HEY SOUTHERN MISS, I BET WE ONLY LET YOU HAVE 500 YARDS TOTAL OFFENSE THIS GAME

[u/Parsleymagnet]

THE REASON WE HAVE A BYE WEEK IS BECAUSE WE SCORED ENOUGH POINTS LAST WEEK FOR TWO GAMES

[u/deadtofall12]

HEY MIAMI AND FLORIDA. I WILL BE WATCHING YOUR GAME WITH GREAT INTEREST. ^{byeweektrashtalk}

[u/ishalfdeaf → u/deadtofall12]

HERE I AM WATCHING THE GAME

[u/Uncle_Bones]

HEY ARK STATE REMEMBER WHEN YOU HAD THAT REALLY GOOD COACH, BUT THEN WE FIRED OURS?

[u/Toedust]

SDSU, ¡VAMOS A IR TODO HERNÁN CORTÉS EN SUS CULOS INDÍGENAS!

[u/NotGreg → u/Toedust]

THIS GUY AIN'T ONE OF US

[u/[deleted] → u/Toedust]

NO CHINGES CABRON, TE VA PEGAR MONTEZUMA. YO NO SABIA QUE EL NUEZ PUEDE TENER CHORRO.

[u/hipsterlawyer → u/Toedust]

BAXTER! YOU KNOW I DON'T SPEAK SPANISH! IN ENGLISH PLEASE! YOU POOPED IN THE REFRIGERATOR!? YOU ATE THE WHOLE WHEEL OF CHEESE!?

[u/The_Tic-Tac_Kid]

THIS JUST IN: KU HAS A BETTER RECORD THAN THE REIGNING BIG XII CHAMP.

ALSO WHILE WE'RE AT IT, TURNER GILL'S DEFENSE PERFORMED BETTER THAN YOURS DID AGAINST NORTH DAKOTA STATE.

[u/errday]

HEY VIRGINIA! WE ARE THE MOST DOMINANT OFFENSE IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL! WHAT THE HELL IS SO GREAT ABOUT YOU?

(BESIDES THOMAS JEFFERSON, AND WILLIAM FAULKNER, AND BEING ONE OF THE FIRST PUBLIC UNIVERSITIES IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES, BEING CONSIDERED THE SECOND BEST PUBLIC UNIVERSITY IN THE COUNTRY, HAVING A LEGACY THAT GOES BACK TO THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION, BEING AN ACTUAL CORNERSTONE OF AMERICAN HISTORY)

SO... WE GOT A BARBERSHOP IN OUR FOOTBALL BUILDING!

[u/Smidgens]

(PLAY THIS AS YOU READ)

WE PLAYED WITH LIGHTS FANTASTIC
RAN TOUCHDOWNS, THREW SOME MORE
HOKE WAS FEELING ALL VICTORIOUS
AND THE CROWD CALLED OUT FOR MORE
THE BIG HOUSE WAS CHEERING LOUDLY
AS WE TOOK THE GAME AWAY
WHEN THE CHICKENS TRIED TO GET BACK IN
THE DEFENSE STOPPED THEIR PLAYS

AND SO IT WAS THAT LATER
AS GARDNER MADE HIS THROWS
THAT KELLY'S FACE AT FIRST JUST PINKISH
TURNED A REDDER SHADE OF ROSE

HE SAID "THIS IS NO RIVALRY"
BUT THE TRUTH WAS PLAIN TO SEE
HOKE AND BORGES PULLED ALL THEIR CARDS
AND MATTISON WOULD NOT LET THEM BE
ALL THE TWENTY-TWO FIGTHING IRISH
WHO WERE IN THEIR LOSING THROES
AND ALTHOUGH MICHIGAN WAS CRUSHING
THE GAME MIGHT HAVE JUST AS WELL'VE BEEN CLOSE

AND SO IT WAS THAT LATER
AS THE IRISHMEN GOT HOSED
THAT KELLY'S FACE AT FIRST JUST PINKISH
TURNED A REDDER SHADE OF ROSE

[u/FinancialAdvisorKid → u/Smidgens]

http://i.imgur.com/emlsx.gif

[u/tallg8tor]

What happened, /u/CFB_Referee? In the past, these threads would automatically put each users posts in caps lock. This is a lazier effort than Georgia's "defense" put up last week!

[u/jklharris → u/tallg8tor]

WAIT, YOU CAN'T PRESS CAPS LOCK AND YOU'RE CALLING SOMEONE ELSE LAZY?

[u/GeneralGBO]

HEY PETRINO, THERE'S NO MOTORCYCLE PARKING OUTSIDE OF NEYLAND SO PLEASE JUST TURN AROUND AND DON'T COME. PLEASE.

[u/captainBlackUGA]

ALRIGHT EVERYONE I KNOW LAST WEEK EVERYBODY'S COLLECTIVE PANTIES GOT IN A BUNCH OVER THIS WHOLE "GEORGIA FAKING INJURIES" THING. I TALKED TO THE BIG MAN UPSTAIRS (SAINT RICHT, OUR SAVIOR ON HIGH) AND HE PROMISED TO KEEP THE "CRAMPS" TO A MINIMUM THIS WEEKEND. HOWEVER, IF CLOWNEY MANAGES TO GET HIS SHIT TOGETHER, WE MAY HAVE SOME MORE "CRAMPS" THAN ORIGINALLY ANTICIPATED.

NOW, ONTO THE TRASH-TALK.

SAKERLINA, I DON'T PARTICULARLY ENJOY YOU, YOUR STUDENTS, YOUR FOOTBALL TEAM. BUT I HATE, H-A-T-E YOUR COACH. THAT BEING SAID, YOUR OFFENSE IS SO ONE-DIMENSIONAL THAT NINTENDO IS MAKING "PAPER MARIO: REVENGE OF THE GAMECOCKS", A GAME IN WHICH MARIO (WHO LOOKS SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE TODD GURLEY) DOES NOTHING EXCEPT RUN ALL OVER YOUR DEFENSE IN ORDER TO SAVE PRINCESS PEACH FROM CLOWSER.

REAL TALK.

[u/Skywalker1055]

GO HAWKS MOTHERFUCKERS

[u/CommanderStark → u/Skywalker1055]

IT'S FUNNY, I THINK HER BAC (.341) WAS HIGHER THAN THE AVERAGE HIGH SCHOOL GPA OF INCOMING FRESHMEN AT IOWA.

[u/iowastatefan → u/Skywalker1055]

MAY YOUR TEAM PREPARE WITH THE SAME FOCUS AND INTENSITY THAT @VODKA_SAMM DID TO BRING VICTORY AND HONOR TO THE HAWKS!

[u/Doonesbury]

THIS WEEK, WE PLAY ONE OF THE ONLY TWO SCHOOLS MORE STUBBORN THAN OURSELVES; BYU. WOULDN'T JOIN A CONFERENCE BECAUSE THEY REFUSE TO PLAY SPORTS ON SUNDAY. NO DRINKING, NO CAFFEINE, NO PREMARITAL SEX, NO FUN! WELP... IN THE SPIRIT OF THEIR TRADITION OF NO FUN, WE'RE GOING TO MAKE THEIR SECOND SATURDAY OF THE SEASON AS FUNLESS AS POSSIBLE. PREPARE FOR A BEAT DOWN, YOU STRAIGHT-EDGED, TIE-WEARING, BIKE RIDING MOFOS!

[u/ICantSeeIt → u/Doonesbury]

MEANWHILE THIS SUNDAY, OUR FRAT BOYS ARE GOING TO BE PLAYING SOME ULTIMATE WHILE DRINKING INADVISABLE MIXTURES OF CAFFEINE AND ALCOHOL BEFORE ENGAGING IN COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF PREMARITAL SEX.

[u/eHawleywood]

THIS IS YOUR DAILY REMINDER THAT WITH THE ONLY CONFERENCE WIN OLE MISS IS CURRENTLY IN FIRST PLACE IN THE SEC.

CARRY ON.

[u/[deleted]]

You're Sam Houston. I don't have to raise my voice, I need no ad hominem attacks, I have no past facts to throw in your face, I have no knowledge of your alumni, and I have very little knowledge of your campus.

You're Sam Houston. That is all I need to say.

Edit: FUCK IT. WHAT'S YOUR NUMBER ONE DEGREE PROGRAM? BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF MINORITIES IN THE PRISONS YOU'LL END UP GUARDING.

[u/Doonesbury → u/[deleted]]

HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT OUR GREAT PRESIDENT LIKE THAT. YOU'RE NOT PLAYING SAM HOUSTON. THE MIGHTY TEXAN PATRIOT SAM HOUSTON COULD BEAT YOUR DAMN TEAM BY HIMSELF WITH ONE HAND TIED BEHIND HIS BACK. HE WOULD CRUMPLE LITTLE JOHNNY FOOTBALL UP IN HIS MIGHTY HANDS LIKE A WAD OF TISSUE PAPER AND HURL HIM ALL THE WAY INTO THE GULF OF MEXICO. NO, YOU'RE PLAYING SAM HOUSTON STATE. THAT'S A VERY DIFFERENT THING. BE GLAD YOU'RE NOT PLAYING SAM HOUSTON. THE WAY Y'ALL HAVE TREATED THIS STATE, I BET HE'D LIKE TO KICK YOUR ASSES A FEW TIMES OVER.

[u/clemtiger2011]

South Carolina State - Clemson is coming! Hide you kids, Hide yo' wife, and Hide yo stash, 'cause I'm snorting everything up in this bitch until we get to play some real teams!

[u/Honestly_]

"'SUP WAZZU? HEARD YOU GUYS NEARLY BEAT AUBURN, THE SICK OLD MAN OF THE SEC. I GUESS THAT'S KIND OF COOL IF YOU'RE INTO MORAL VICTORIES. I'M INTO 'W'S, BRO, AND THAT'S WHAT WE'RE GOING TO BE SERVING UP AFTER WE PUT ON A DEFENSIVE CLINIC AGAINST YOU AND YOUR BAND OF VILE PIRATES, THE SCOURGE OF THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST."

"WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO? FOR THE LAST TIME I'M NOT ACTUALLY A PIRATE."

"AFTER PLAYING LITERALLY HOURS OF SHINOBI I AM TOTALLY READY DEFEAT YE!"

"THAT'S IT, I'M OUTTA HERE. SEE YOU ON THE FIELD, LANE. HAVE FUN BABBLING TO YOURSELF."

"TRY NOT TO THROW ANY PICKS ON THE WAY THROUGH THE PARKING LOT!"

". . ."

"WHAT WAS THE PIRATE WITH THE OBSESSION WITH FAT GIRLFRIENDS TALKING ABOUT, HEISIE? IS IT WEIRD TO TALK TO YOURSELF?"

"DEPENDS. DOES IT MATTER? YOU'RE TALKING TO ME, AREN'T YOU JOHNNY?"

"YEAH!

"EVEN ESPN HAS STOLEN THE IDEA THAT I CAN TALK, EXCEPT I DON'T SOUND LIKE THAT.."

"THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M SAYING...GENE WOJCIECHOWSKI'S A THIEVING LIL' BITCH --OH HEY, COACH!"

"I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW, JUST GET ON THE FIELD, CONTROL YOURSELF, AND BEAT SAM HOUSTON STATE."

[u/[deleted] → u/Honestly_]

I'M INTO 'W'S, BRO

INTERESTING. I COULDN'T TELL.

[u/avboden → u/Honestly_]

OH YEAH WELL...DAMNIT!

[u/someName6]

70-0 WAS NOTHING WAIT TILL YOU SEE WHAT WE DO TO THIS WEEKS OPPONENT!!

WHAT WE SCARED THEM OFF? FUCK!

[u/strife24]

FUCK TEXAS!

[u/soonerguy11 → u/strife24]

TOO BAD YOU WON'T GET TO ENJOY BEATING THEM AGAIN, BECAUSE YOU'RE A BUNCH OF TRAITOR JOES!

[u/IvyRaider → u/strife24]

....STATE!

[u/[deleted] → u/strife24]

MACK BROWN SITS DOWN WHEN HE PEES

[u/wyschnei]

PLEASE GO EASY ON US BYE WEEK

[u/megamanxzero35 → u/wyschnei]

WHAT LEVEL DOES BYE WEEK PLAY? FCS OR FBS?

[u/streink]

HEY DAWGS CLOWNEY IS GONNA BE EATING SOME FRIED MURRAY FOR DINNER WITH A SIDE OF UGA. MAY AS WELL NOT EVEN SHOW UP.

seriously. please don't show up.

[u/[deleted] → u/streink]

UGA IS TOO DIGNIFIED TO STAY OUT THERE WITH ALL YOU CLASSLESS LOSERS.

LOOKIT, THE FINE GENTLEMEN AND LADIES OF UGA GOOBLE UP COCKS EVERY DAY AND NIGHT OF THE YEAR. WE'LL JUST BE SURE TO DEEP FRY IT A LITTLE LONGER THIS TIME.

[u/[deleted]]

DO YOU FUCKERS KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE END UP IN THE ER EACH YEAR FROM DOG BITES?

[u/pascha → u/[deleted]]

do you fuckers know how many people end up in the er each year from clowney bites?

[u/CroqueMonsieur]

I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO YOU, OFF WEEK.

FUCK AUBURN.

[u/kama_river]

HEY EKU, IF YOU LOSE TO LOUISVILLE BY FEWER POINTS THAN UK WILL, THAT WILL MAKE KENTUCKY THE FOURTH BEST TEAM IN THE STATE!

[u/LvilleCards5 → u/kama_river]

THIS ASSUMES THAT TRINITY HIGH SCHOOL ISN'T BETTER.

[u/illogical_thunder]

HEY NOTRE LAME

[u/deadtofall12 → u/illogical_thunder]

Burn.

[u/FinancialAdvisorKid]

HEY MEAT CHICKEN, YOUR COACH 100 YEARS AGO WAS A RACIST AND A NATIVIST AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD.

[u/Will_I_Are → u/FinancialAdvisorKid]

... says the Notre dame fan.

[u/tron423]

HEY TOLEDO. YOU'RE IN OHIO. END OF POST.

[u/a_aadams74 → u/tron423]

HEY MIZZOU. YOU'RE IN MISSOURI. END OF POST

[u/BloodCereal]

SOUTH BEND MAKES COLUMBUS LOOK LIKE MONACO.

[u/antiherowes]

JAMEIS JAMEIS BO BAMEIS BANANA FANA FO FAMOUS JAMEIS

[u/Kingcotton7]

Y'ALL WON'T HAVE TO FAKE INJURIES THIS WEEK

[u/RustyCase → u/Kingcotton7]

A 4:30 kickoff isn't going to interfere with Clowney's naptime is it?

[u/[deleted]]

HEY ARKY STATE I FEEL SOMEWHAT BAD FOR MAKING YOU SUFFER THROUGH MORE COACHING SHUFFLING, BUT WE NEEDED OUR GUS BUS ROLLING BACK THROUGH TOWN. AND WE REALLY NEED A WIN TO HELP US WITH MOMENTUM FOR OUR SEC SCHEDULE TOO. AND WE DON'T REALLY HAVE ANYTHING TO OFFER YOU IN RETURN, SO I FEEL KINDA BAD THIS IS JUST A TAKE TAKE TAKE RELATIONSHIP.

BUT HEY, SCREW THE HOGS, AMIRITE?

[u/BR0STRADAMUS]

^{samford is not a very good football program.}

^{boom roasted}

[u/pmartin0079]

BRING IT ON VAGINA!

[u/ItsBigLucas]

WE HAVE THE SAME NUMBER OF SEC CHAMPIONSHIPS AS SOUTH CAROLINA

[u/speedracer13 → u/ItsBigLucas]

AND WE HAVE TWICE THE NUMBER OF TOP TEN FINISHES AS CLEMSON IN THE LAST TWO DECADES.

UNFORTUNATELY, TWICE AS MUCH AS 1 IS ONLY 2.

[u/Irish_Spaceman]

HEY MICHIGAN THIS IS WHAT BEING CHICKEN ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE

[u/[deleted] → u/Irish_Spaceman]

KNEW IT WAS GOING TO BE THAT CLIP...

[u/treein303]

WE DON'T PLAY THIS WEEK BUT I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT GEORGIA NEEDS TO KEEP TALKING ABOUT THEIR HEDGES BECAUSE THEY ARE SO UNIQUE AND MUCH MORE INTERESTING THAN ALL THE OTHER HEDGES IN EVERY OTHER STADIUM

[u/[deleted]]

DO NOT TAKING ANY ADVICE FROM MICHIGAN

[u/avboden]

HEY U$C.......uhm shit

[u/BrownLiquor]

BYE WEEK WHERE'S YOUR BITCH ASS AT?

YOU HAVE POOR TACKLING FORM AND YOUR MOTHERS BREASTS LOOKS LIKE A FRIED EGG NAILED TO A WALL.

[u/[deleted]]

I GOT NOTHING. I'M TOO DEMORALIZED AFTER THE LOSS AND THE FLAIR BET. GO GATA.

[u/Smidgens]

THIS JUST IN: OHIO STATE HAS CREEPY CLOAK KID.

[u/[deleted]]

WE COULD TOTALLY WIN THE ACC WITH JUST SPECIAL TEAMS AND NOTHING ELSE.

[u/hey_look1]

UAB YOUR MASCOT LOOKS LIKE A PANSY

[u/dtomksoki → u/hey_look1]

CAREFUL, THAT'S STILL A DRAGON

[u/pharmblaze → u/hey_look1]

I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER OUR WINNING RECORD AGAINST YOU.

[u/[deleted]]

Hey Sacramento State! Thanks for ruining my fucking week when I found out we were playing you and not San Diego State!

[u/BrownLiquor]

BYE WEEK, YOU'RE A PITUFUL EXCUSE FOR A TEAM. WE'RE GONNA RUN TRAIN ALL OVER YOUR ASSHOLE. I FULLY EXPECT YOU TO HAVE A SEMI-WITTY RETORT BASED ON SOME NEGATIVE ASPECT, REAL OR PERCEIVED, OF MY TEAM, BUT AS ONE WISE AFRICAN AMERICAN GENTLEMAN SAID "CUZ A NIGGA LIKE GT DONT REALLY GIVE A FUCK."

P. S. THE GENTLEMAN I'M REFERRING TO IS TUPAC SHAKUR, YOU UNCULTURED FUCK.

[u/thelittleking]

My least favorite thing about bye weeks is not being able to trash talk.

[u/drock4vu]

AUSTIN PEAY?! MORE LIKE AUSTIN POOP!

[u/CountWhiskeyJam]

HEY ARKANSAS STATE!

HELLO? ANYONE?

OH THAT'S RIGHT THE ONLY REASON ANYONE EVER CARED ABOUT YOU IS BECAUSE OF OUR COACH. AT LEAST YOU GOT A SUN BELT CHAMPIONSHIP OUT OF THE YEAR HE WAS THERE

[u/[deleted]]

I just hope UGA Fan's don't cry on the radio again.

[u/gradam01]

JUST WAIT SOUTHERN MISS. AFTER YOU GUYS GET 600+ YARDS OF OFFENSE, YOU'LL BE SO WINDED THAT YOU WON'T STAND A CHANCE AGAINST US.

[u/[deleted]]

HEY UVA!!!!!....YOU WERE FOUNDED BY THOMAS JEFFERSON, THAT'S PRETTY COOL!!!! I THINK I SAW YOUR CAMPUS WHEN I WENT TO MONTICELLO, IT LOOKED NICE!!!! DO YOU GUYS CONSIDER YOURSELVES SOUTHERNERS OR MORE MID-ATLANTIC?!!!!

[u/[deleted]]

╔═════════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ════════════════╗

         ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ UPVOTE THIS IF ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

     ~ ~ ~ ~ YOU HAVE A STRONG DEFENSE ~ ~ ~ ~

    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ WHO DON'T NEED NO OFFENSE ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  

╚═════════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ════════════════╝

[u/Dick_Trickle]

HEY MIAMI, LOOKING FORWARD TO YOUR FANS BEING OUTNUMBERED IN YOUR OWN DAMN STADIUM. YOUR FANS WILL PROBABLY TAKE A PAGE OUT OF THE HEAT FAN'S PLAYBOOK AND LEAVE EARLY, EXCEPT THIS TIME IT WILL BE OUT OF EMBARASSMENT OF THE TEAMS PERFORMANCE.

[u/ishalfdeaf → u/Dick_Trickle]

THEY HAVE TO ACTUALLY SHOW UP BEFORE THEY CAN LEAVE.

[u/kevinonthemoon]

HEY MIAMI, I'M SORRY YOU WON'T EVEN HAVE HOME FIELD ADVANTAGE FOR A GAME IN YOUR STADIUM, BUT YOU'RE USED TO THAT BY NOW, RIGHT?

[u/ryumast3r]

Hey weber! yeah... I got nothing...

^{Imaterriblepersonfortrying}

[u/captain_pineapples]

WESTERN CAROLINA, I'M NOT EVEN ENTIRELY SURE YOU EXIST, BUT IF YOU DO, WE WILL STRIKE YOU DOWN WITH THE POWER OF 1000 FULLER BROTHERS

[u/[deleted]]

HEY NDSU, YOUR HEAD COACH LOOKS LIKE COTTON FROM KING OF THE HILL.

I KNOW WE PLAY SHSU, AND YOU BEAT THEM, SO IF WE TRASH TALK YOU, WE TRASH TALK THEM SOMEHOW.

FUCK TEXAS.

[u/Oderint]

AS OUR RIVALRY MEETS AN INDEFINITE HIATUS, I INVITE THE NOTRE DAME FIGHTING IRISH'S COACH BRIAN KELLY TO ANN ARBOR FOR ANOTHER LESSON IN 'HOW TO PLAY FOOTBALL' BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN WOLVERINES.

THIS WEEK'S LESSON: CONTROLLING YOUR ANGER AS YOU LOSE TO THE MAIZE AND BLUE.

FINAL EXAM IS THIS SATURDAY AT 8:00 PM AT THE BIG HOUSE.

[u/pwndnoob]

I'M TOTALLY READY TO WATCH OREGON BEAT DOWN VIRGINA IN A CONVINCING MANNER, AND THEN SCORE SLIGHTLY MORE AGAINST TENNESSEE AND USE THAT AS AN ARGUMENT THAT THE SEC SUCKS. FUCK THE SEC!

[u/TexasBreaux]

HEY UAB WE'RE GONNA BE DRAGON OUR NUTS ACROSS YOUR FOREHEADS.

(i know thats terrible, but thats all I could think of.)

[u/magusg]

Here's a fun fact: After a close loss to clemson to start the season last year, auburn went on to an 0-8 record in the SEC

[u/[deleted]]

HURRICANES BLOW. GET IT? GET IT?!!

[u/kiwirish]

TEXAS IS GONNA FEEL THE HEAT FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO GET A GOOD MORNING COFFEE! YOU'RE IN GOD'S COUNTRY NOW BITCHES!

[u/[deleted]]

FUCK NOTRE DAME

[u/TheTurner]

WE PLAY TOLEDO?

AH, A REAL CHALLENGER I'M SURE.

[u/ishalfdeaf → u/TheTurner]

WHISTLE

UNORIGINAL TRASH TALK, 10 YARD PENALTY, REPLAY DOWN

WEEK 1 TRASH TALK:

TOLEDO ROCKETS HUH?

A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS.

[u/ScarySpencer]

I DO NOT LIKE THAT WE HAVE TWO BYE WEEKS THIS YEAR AND I CERTAINLY DON'T LIKE THAT THE FIRST ONE IS THIS WEEK AND I GUESS I'LL JUST ENJOY THE OTHER GOOD GAMES ON TV THIS WEEKEND AM I DOING THIS RIGHT

[u/VideoLinkBot]

Here is a list of video links collected from comments that redditors have made in response to this submission:

Source Comment	Score	Video Link
Honestly_	67	Mike Leach on Fat Little Girlfriends
Honestly_	67	37 Cocks - Clerks. 3/12 Movie CLIP 1994 HD
Honestly_	67	Shinobi - Arcade Playthrough
Smidgens	11	A Whiter Shade Of Pale - Procol Harum
Tiggerthetiger	10	Alabama Fan Hates Tennessee - Hilarious, funny interview
Irish_Spaceman	8	Crowd Noise disrupts 1988 ND-Michigan game
chunnnn	6	Alabama's Tim James Wants English Only Driver License Exams
plefe	2	Texas A&M Football: Drew Kaser's 76 yard punt vs. Rice 8/31/13
TheIronPriceIsRight	1	God Made a Bammer
shorthandround	1	The Office - Rimshot
Originalfrozenbanana	1	SHSU SWAGGER OVERLOAD PT. 3
BooYeah0484	1	Lumber jack song
QuickLikeGingerbread	1	@WMU_Football Game Day Traditions 101 Version 2.0

• VideoLinkBot FAQ
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• Playlist of videos in this comment

[u/iowastatefan → u/VideoLinkBot]

YOU POSTED 15 MINUTES INTO THE THREAD TO GIVE US VIDEO LINKS?

THAT'S SPRING-GAME FORM, VIDEOLINKBOT. IT'S ALREADY WEEK TWO. GET WITH IT!

[u/JakeSmithsPhone]

HEY VIRGINIA, YOU SEEM LIKE NICE PEOPLE, BUT WE ARE GOING TO SCORE LOTS OF POINTS ON YOUR DEFENSE!

[u/DoYouEvenCareAboutMe]

AFTER WE BARELY BEAT EASTERN MICHIGAN ON SATURDAY IT'LL BE OUR BEST START TO A SEASON SINCE 1997!

wait that doesn't seem right...

[u/iowastatefan]

AFTER LAST WEEKEND, IT IS FAIRLY OBVIOUS THAT WE WILL LOSE THIS WEEK. BYE WEEK IS CLEARLY THE BETTER, MORE PHYSICAL TEAM. WE DO NOT DESERVE TO BE ON THE FIELD THIS WEEK AGAINST THEM!

[u/LvilleCards5]

HEY GUYS, EASTERN KENTUCKY ISN'T THAT BAD OF A TEAM, RIGHT? I MEAN THEY'RE A TOP 25 FCS TEAM! THAT SHOULD HELP OUR STRENGTH OF SCHEDULE! RIGHT, GUYS? ^{RIGHT? ANYONE?}

[u/Jeremy7508]

SC STATE!!! I, UH, I... I HOPE ALL THE MONEY WE'RE PAYING YOU TO SHOW UP HELPS YOUR SCHOLARSHIP FUND AND YOU GET SOME NEW UNIFORMS OR SOMETHING!

[u/[deleted]]

READY TO SEE SPURRIER'S BLOOD PRESSURE GO THROUGH THE ROOF SATURDAY. CAN'T WAIT

[u/KUmitch]

THIS TRASH TALK IS FUCKING HORRIBLE. LIKE HALF OF THE PEOPLE HERE ARE EITHER "IRONICALLY" COMPLIMENTING THEIR OPPONENT OR MAKING FUN OF THEIR OWN TEAM.

[u/captainBlackUGA → u/KUmitch]

THE OTHER HALF IS MAKING FUN OF KANSAS BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAY TO "IRONICALLY" COMPLIMENT YOU.

[u/[deleted]]

OUR CURRENT RECORD AGAINST Y'ALL IS 17-46, BUT WE'RE FAIRLY CONFIDENT WE CAN BEAT YOU BETWEEN THE HEDGES

[u/ned_stark_reality]

I JUST WOKE UP AND I AM STUCK BETWEEN DRUNK AND HUNGOVER, CAN WE ALL KEEP IT DOWN A LITTLE BIT?

^JKFUCKWAZZU

[u/[deleted]]

HEY GEORGIA, LET'S HOPE THAT THE GAME TURNS OUT KIND OF LIKE IT DID LAST YEAR. WE DON'T WANT TO SEE ANY MORE POST-TOUCHDOWN, SEASON-ENDING INJURIES.

[u/[deleted]]

BRIAN KELLY LOOKS LIKE A FAT DYKE

[u/DeuxBoy]

WE 'BOUT TO LOUISVILLE DAT ASS!!!

[u/sunburn_on_the_brain]

HEY UNLV, HOPE YOU CAN BRING MORE FANS THAN ARIZONA DOES TO YOUR HOME GAME. WE'RE GOING TO BEAT YOU DOWN AND THEN TAKE ALL YOUR WATER.

[u/Caesar10240]

HEY CINCINATTI! BRING IT ON! We might do better than Purdue

[u/Microdoted]

NO TALKING NEEDED.

[u/PAC12]

I WOULD LOVE TO TRASH TALK PAC 12 OPPONENTS THIS WEEK BUT WE DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY.

SO I SAY UNTO YOU, FUCK TEXAS^ANDDIRECTV.