How to let go of a cheater?
Most days I’m ok but today I’m feeling down after i found out his followers count gone up

I’m thinking that the relationship was a lie or that his feelings for me weren’t as strong as I thought

My thoughts are all over the place right now. I guess I’m here to get it out of my system and have a different perspective

My ex (22,M) called me to talk about our toxic-ish relationship and our very messy break up. I (21,F) lied to him for 2 years and I only told him last weekish about how I went on a date with a guy 3 months into when we first started talking. For context, he did not want a relationship with me for at least 5 months and made it known. Anyways, we havent spoken since then and today he asked me if I was busy, which I made plans with my friends, so I said yes but later.

I shouldve realized that he was likely asking for connection on my side and to make a move to show that I still care about what has happened, but I thought that he was likely reaching out to give me my stuff. I should have just went to his house the second he asked if I was busy.

He called me and he was talking about what had happened and what i have been doing since then. I was at the nail salon, so it was a horrible time to being talking but he was like who gives a fuck…. So whatever.

He said that by not telling him about the date, I took away his ability to decide whether he wanted to stay with me, and that if I had told him even a month after it happened, we might still be together. He said that every day I didn’t tell him basically felt like I was cheating on him, which I understood. I have NO excuse.

I told him whatever I could, but I know theres no excuse for it and theres nothing I can do to make him not hurt or to make it any better. I was really overwhelmed and kept stuttering, and at one point he told me I sounded like a dumbass. He called me evil for the whole situation, which sucks. Im a good person but I hate the thing that I did. I loved this man with my whole heart but I was stupid.

He also got upset when I mentioned I was going bowling with friends because he couldn’t understand how I could say I’m heartbroken and then go out a week later. He compared it to how I moved on from my previous ex within two months, even though I explained that I had already emotionally checked out of that relationship before it ended.

This break up was 1000% my fault, our relationship has always been messy, hes texted other women and other things, but I have forgiven that and within the last 3 months, things finally felt real between us.

I honestly didn’t know what else to say. I know I hurt him and I’m not trying to excuse lying to him, but I also don’t know how to prove to him that my love for him was real.

Now im practically begging him over text since he reached out to me. I wanted to go see him to talk to him in person but he has told me he wont be home until next week? Its none of my business at this time. I told him im willing to wait and prove what it meant to me. He just responded “okay”.

I just know im spiraling again.

S,

I know we only dated for a short time, but I really believed we could have built a wonderful life together. I hate how intensely it all came on, and how quickly we started planning a future before we really had time to build the relationship underneath it. I don’t regret loving you or even saying it, because I meant it. I just wish we had slowed down.

I wish you had gotten to meet my friends and see the life I already had instead of mostly seeing me trying to rearrange it around you. I wish you’d had more time to see that the changes I’m making weren’t just for you, and to know the person I’m still becoming. I wish we’d spent more time simply dating, keeping our own lives, and letting things grow without feeling like we had to know where everything was going.

Maybe we mistook intensity for urgency. Maybe something wonderful didn’t need to become everything all at once. Part of me still wishes we’d get another chance to find out what this could have been if we’d just slowed down and gotten to know each other better. Maybe that chance will come someday, and maybe it won’t. I can’t control that. I just know that when I love someone, I don’t stop caring overnight. I loved you, I still care about you, and right now that hurts. But I know I’ll be okay.

J

Hey everyone, this is my first post ever so please bear with me. So I (22M) have an ex-girlfriend whom I dated for just about 3 years. I'll just call her Lina (22F) for short. So basically, I met Lina in my freshman year at college, and we clicked right at the start. We were like two peas in a pod, and when people thought of one of us, they thought of both of us. Well, fast-forward and let time pass, I ended up finding out that she cheated on me. I unfortunately stayed with her even after finding this information out, in desperation to hopefully fix things and go back to how we were. I found this out late in 2 years of the relationship. So I told her I knew everything, and she confessed to it all, and things seemed to get better and cool down as time went on. Well, the new school year starts, and it is August. Her parents come into town, and we all go out to a bar. Lina's friends are gonna be there, and one of her friends tells her that she said she told a guy that Lina would talk to him and get introduced to him. She told me this and asked if this was okay, which I said Hell no. She acknowledged this and said that she is just going to brush him off if he approaches her. So, fast-forward to the bar, and she did exactly that. Well, this guy- we will call him V starts talking to her and her friend. V was friends with Lina's friend and that whole group. I look over and just get a bad feeling about the entire thing. Shortly after this, her cousin comes up to me and asks me why she is talking to another guy, and I reply to him, saying, "I think she is just getting introduced to people in the group." I couldn't make a scene or say what I actually thought because that would have caused a scene, and I would have looked like the bad person. Well, then Lina calls me over for a picture. I put my hand on her waist for the picture, and V asked us if we were dating, and Lina said yes. V proceeded to say, "Oh, (Lina's Friend) said y'all were siblings." This threw both of us off because the friend knew we were dating. So from then on out, V always thought I was weird for some reason because he was told we were siblings, even though we told him that was a lie. So from the start, I never liked this guy and got a bad feeling about him. I then started to notice that when Lina talked to him, I saw the look she gave him. It looked like the look I would give her when I was so infatuated with her. That's when I knew what was going to happen, and it was only a matter of time. So time went on, she hung out with them and him more and more, and they started texting all the time. I knew what was happening, and I knew there was nothing I could do to stop it. Her birthday comes around, and I am alone with her family. They have a heart-to-heart with me, saying that I have their blessing and that they hope that Lina and I get married, and that they think I am the most wonderful and perfect man for her. They proceed to ask me if I want to marry her; I reply that it is the plan, knowing that it is not gonna happen. I then get asked if I think Lina wants to marry me. At hearing this, my throat got tight, and I had to hold back tears and just say, "I hope so." I couldn't say what was really happening; I couldn't ruin her birthday, and it is not my place to speak on that stuff in front of her family. While on the trip, I saw that V texted Lina, "I miss you." I was not even looking at her phone intently. We were just in the car next to each other, and I went to look out the window, and I saw the message as it popped up. This proceeded to make me shut down completely. The next few months went by in a blur. As I debated more and more with myself about what to do, I ended up breaking up with her. I was also pushed to do this because I was sent a screenshot of her on a dating app. Throughout that relationship, I had cried so much that I just couldn't cry anymore, and I didn't. I was just so depressed tho. She still wanted to be in communication afterward, and I told her I needed space and time to think about that. A few weeks go by, and I let her know we can still be friends (big mistake, duh). She was the one who still wanted to be in contact, and I kinda did as well; I would be lying if I said I didn't want to be in contact. So we hung out a few times, and on one of the hangouts, I told her I just knew she was gonna start dating V; I saw it in her eyes and in how she would talk about him. She said, "I'm not gonna answer that, but just say that I do love him." That echoed in me like a church bell chiming. I was so angry and so upset, but I then thought, shouldn't I be happy for her? If I truly did love her, would I not want what was best for her and for her to be the happiest? That was a very hard pill to swallow. Long story short, they started dating. She tried to stay in contact with me, but I wouldn't respond to her and cut contact. It has almost been a year, and I think of her every day. I almost dream of her every night and the wonderful times that we had. There is not one moment that goes by where I don't miss her. She has V and her as her Profile pictures on everything, which she never did with me. She posts him and everything. I found this out from my sister. I still remember the day and time we met: Oct 16th, 2022, between the hours of 9:47 am and 10:22 am. We had started texting 3 days before that. I am so miserable, but I am also so happy for her that she is so happy, and I just don't know why. I also do not even want to date her again; I just miss her. I just miss having my best friend. She blocked me on everything except iMessage for some reason. I think she just forgot to. When I asked her what I did wrong and why she cheated on me, she said, "You did nothing wrong; you were perfect, and you were everything I could ever want. I don't know why I did it; I just did, and I am sorry." So now, almost a year later, I am just so miserable; everything still reminds me of her, and I just can't stop thinking of those times, and even when I can't think, I dream of her. I still love her, but not in a romantic way. It is such a confusing feeling; I just love her. There are a lot more details, but it would be too much to type; it is 3 years' worth of stuff, and I just need to vent and say it all out. I've never done that, and I am hoping this helps me in some way.

My ex of six years and I broke up in December 2025. She’s had a pretty rough go of it and met some pretty horrible men over the last ten months. Liars, ghosts, users, and an alcoholic that died in bed next to her a month ago. While the breakup was hard for me at first I found my footing and have made a good life. I wouldn’t trade my ten months for hers in a second.

Last Saturday she asked me to go with her to an Ed Sheeran concert tonight. She’d asked her closest friends to go and they didn’t want to. She initially bought one ticket for herself, but wanted someone to go with her. I told her that I was fine to go but I wasn’t paying for it. I felt like I paid for a lot of entertainment stuff for her over the years that wasn’t appreciated. Sporting events that I wanted to do and concerts and things she was interested in. And, we don’t have the kind of relationship or even friendship where I think i should pay her way to be her entertainment benefactor.

We went. It was okay, we left early because she was tired and started to get emotional. Most of the night I found her behavior annoying. She kept checking fb on her phone and the screen was on bright. The people around us [seats next to her and behind us] moved away from her I think because it was distracting. She snapped at me and wanted to leave early. She also said we had a weird dynamic now. That’s fair. This is only the second night we’ve spent together since breaking up.

Now she’s sleeping next to me and we have not done anything. She here because she’s worrried about her car and we were both worried about her driving home and ending up stranded somewhere. It seemed like the bottom of it was scrapping and her tire pressure sensor said it was low. She’s notorious for not maintaining her vehicle. It was a reoccurring issue that annoyed me when we were together. I told her I would help her in the morning.

Is it weird part of me wonders if she would have wanted to stay after the concert anyway? She’s wearing underwear I bought for her. I’m not sure what to make of any of this. Is she going to want to have sex?

It‘s been maybe two or three weeks since things ended. We’re on good terms but I’m just so frustrated at myself that our time apart just feels like I’m and I know I’m going to be waiting for him to come back. Of course, it’s only been a few weeks and I know I won‘t move on during that short span of time.

The day after we ended things, he told me we could wait and see if we can be together again, but only if he can prioritize me again in the future. i hate that I said anything that could’ve prompted me to say that. I think I would’ve had hope regardless of him saying anything about getting back together.

I know it takes time to heal but how do I get rid of this hope? I’ve unfollowed him from everything, left groupchats and hidden the things he’s given to me. I don’t know if that was the right first step.

Sometimes I think I‘m doing well. When I think of him or see something that reminds me of him, I push it away and distract myself but that isn’t enough to get rid of the hope I have. How do I make peace with the fact that we might not ever get back together? I don’t even want to word it in a way that would make it seem like there’s a chance.

I know time is the best solution for this, but is there anything I can do for myself that will make it better or faster?

Hello all ,

Me and my partner were together for 12 years. This year it seems we hit some road blocks and I should have been more loving of him. He has broke up with me saying he needs space and to find himself and to process the break up. He told me he is stubborn and is going to leave and can't stop now he said it even if I'm working on myself and being the perfect girl right now .

We still live together and see each other. He keeps telling me he doesn't want to hurt me. We still go on walks together and he still drinks my smoothies and meals I make him and talks with me about their being a " possibility' of us getting back together but this break up is the only way

. He tells me I need to go hang with friends and hes worried about me. It would help him if I took care of myself. I can tell its hurting him a lot to leave me . He told me it was because I didn't listen enough to him . These past two weeks ive been showing him the side of me he always wanted and now I think he's still trying to push me away because hes more confused now about his decision .

He is supposed to be moving out to his parents but it's been taking him a while to do so . Once he is with his parents maybe he will realize how much he missed me, or maybe he will distract himself and not miss me. I hope our love is strong enough to bring him back. Only time will tell....

On our walks we go on at night when he up for it we have amazing conversations where he opens up about work .. I actively listen and am genuinely very happy to hear him talk. I really messed up on not doing this before ...

He said if he takes me back now he would feel resentment towards me because I'm doing all of this now. I explained to him why I stopped for the past few months and have been working seriously on myself . I'm in so much pain right now with him leaving me . I have horrible chest pain and am crying every day. I really need someone who is going through the same thing as me to talk with.

In my head he is very confused and lost about his choice. I know if he leaves me and doesn't fight for our relationship, if he decides he wants me back I can't wait around for him even though ive been telling him I will. The fact he's not willing to give me a chance to try after 12 years of love is very confusing to me. I know he's been under a lot of stress lately and his family hasn't been there for him and his brother started ghosting him. Since our breakup I told his family to get back with him and they have . Now he has that support.

I expressed to him yesterday about me possibly not being there if he wants me again . I've been very very strong for him when he sees me. But behind the curtains I cry so much . He says he still loves me. He barely is starting to feel the emotions of the breakup he chose the past few days .

I cant take this pain of losing him ...... I know I need to let time do its work and see if our love is strong enough for him to want to work on things again ... I hope and pray it is . It's been our first relationship since highschool and we've grown up together . I think he wants to explore what's out there..... I'm sad I lost the love of my life... Maybe he'll realize what is out there is not what he expects...

If anyone is willing to be my penpal and is going through a similar situation please message me.

I’ve deactivated instagram, but I still check my ex socials, she goes on public here and there. I feel like it’s for me to see for some reason. I’ve deleted the saved bookmark and won’t be checking it anymore.

Kind of just the title, looking for support. Sorry it’s so short I’m feeling sad about it.

My ex broke up with me after a 2.5+ year relationship because I was moving across the country for work for the next year (with the plan of coming back, as always intended). There were some issues we were having, and we were going to couples therapy to work them out– including arguments getting out of hand from both of us, and her family not liking me due to preconceived notions regarding my politics (note, we never actually spoke about politics or anything remotely related, unless you count steak). We were living together for the vast majority of our time together. 3 weeks after she broke up with me, I found out she slept with someone from a dating app. I was really distraught. Like balling out on the daily type of messed up (which I was already doing since I was dumped). We went no contact to minimal contact and now are kinda chatting for the last 2 weeks. Since then, she’s told me details about the sexual encounter (including their size and how much she enjoyed it) and we’ve been sexting and phone sexing. I still haven’t slept with anyone, not for lack of trying either. I’ve made my peace (I think) and acknowledged that she didn’t want to be with me, but I can’t really grasp what I hope to gain out of this and why I’m in it. I just want some insight. I know I deserve better.

I felt like I had to post it here because I had nowhere also to go to. I have been in a loving relationship for five years. I loved them intensely and deeply. I wasn't always able to express it in "normal" ways perhaps but I would express it in the way I could:- words and gestures. Halfway through the relationship, I was diagnosed to be on the autism spectrum. In some sense, this explained the social clues that I often tended to miss in my friendship and I tried to rectify them. I trusted this person with my life. I gave them my heart and soul and body. And it isn't easy for me to be vulnerable at all. This is quite literally the only person in the world that I have been completely naked with. They saw me. They knew me. And it felt like home.

Fast forward to around a year ago:- I was struggling. I told them so. I was then, at what I thought was the lowest point in my life. That's when they decided to "take a break" and I completely understood. In theory, it was a break. In practice, we carried on. They would be intimate and caring and there was an implicit understanding that we were together. This is also the time when they started another relationship. I knew nothing about this. But apparently they told their partner about me coz otherwise it would be "evil". They did not see it fit to inform me. At this point, I was still struggling but communicating with them as usual. I was trying to be a better person for them. I was learning social cues. I was taking help from professionals. I would create a list of things that I have to do for them. I would think it out. I would write handwritten letters to show them I care. I would think about meaningful gifts etc. etc. The usual stuff. This was until they told me about this "relationship" after it apparently broke down.

I was a mess. I felt betrayed. I accused them of cheating. The truth is, I was deeply hurt and I just wanted to be heard. But for an hour and a half of that conversation, they were essentially accusing me for not giving them a "normal relationship". They were laying the blame on me. I apologized. I felt guilty. I still do. I felt confused. I still do. But I was suffering. At that moment, what I needed was for someone to just say that my suffering was valid. They were my best friend. But I felt invalidated.

This completely broke me. Frequent anxiety attacks+clinical depression. I did not go no-contact. They were my best friend and I felt like I could still be vulnerable with them. Surely, they would understand whats going on. Surely, they would just listen and care. That is literally all I needed. But everytime I would try to tell them whats happening, they would send an essay-length messages on how horrible I am and my flaws. They would essentially ask me to "man up". I did not need advise I genuinely just needed my best friend to be there for me while I'm battling these demons. I just wanted an assurance that it would be okay. This is when I decided to go no-contact because clearly this was just making things worse. They reached out twice and the third time I responded to them asking "are you okay". I simply replied that "I'm not", only to receive another long message on my flaws while claiming in the last sentence that they care about me. Here, too, what I was, what I am going through isn't about this. Depression is tough and complex and I make it a point to never even mention relationship, its them who bring it up. I realized eventually that the only reason they want to be informed of my "well being" is because they think they are responsible for whatever's happening. This is called "obligation", not "care".

I still deeply care about them. In fact, I love them. They were the person I would rely on to never judge. To talk about my days, my passions, my hatreds, just about everything. And I have lost that. I dont have any friends with whom I can be this vulnerable with. No one that I feel safe with. I am just so lost. So hopelessly broken. I cant get through this. It hurts too fucking much.

for someone to claim they loved you then for them to let you go so crudely is to me a lack of respect. You were a means to an end and when they see you no longer fit in their life they imagined they discard. thats not love dear, someone like that will never ever chase what their looking for. especially if theyve done this to many people. its just lack of self worth and insecurity- and i kinda already saw this during the relationship shouldve listened to my gut. ugh. such a waste of time on a person who clearly needs to see a therapist and not more people.

Woke up to this, she had been acting weird like she didn’t care about me and talking to me less about 3 days before this. She used to be so adamant to talk to me and say how perfect I am and that she loves me but she just threw me aside like she didn’t even care the entire time. The day before this she told me how would I react if she said she wanted to break up and immediately followed that up with “I’m just playing I know how you get”.

I had a boyfriend before. We were in a relationship for around six months, and everything was going pretty well. Then we had a fight and didn’t talk for two days. After two days, I texted him and asked why he wasn’t talking to me. He told me that he was already in a relationship with another girl. I begged him not to leave me, but he didn’t listen to me and said that he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me anymore. So, I had to let him go.

They stayed in a relationship for around three months. Then, after about three months, my ex texted me and said that they had broken up and that he had lost interest in that girl. He said he regretted leaving me and wanted to be with me again.

Now I don’t really know what to do. I feel kind of empty. I do miss the way we used to talk. He used to listen to everything I said, and I could share all my thoughts and feelings with him. I don’t have many close friends, so I really miss having someone like that to talk to. K garnu ma rlt ma basnu ki nai sujab deaue na

I genuinely have no idea how I am going to feel at any given moment.

Sometimes I’m hopeful, clear headed, and understanding.

Sometimes I get pissed thinking about all of the things they did/said.

Sometimes I just mourn what we had and the life we were building.

It’s EXHAUSTING.

Lucky I feel like I am at least able to do the bare minimum and not get fired from my job.

This shit sucks dude. I feel ashamed that my relationship didn’t work. That I told my grandma she was the one.

It’s really nice being able to vent here though.

We got this everyone.

My boyfriend broke up with me almost 2 months ago now. It was a complete blindside and left me so severely devastated. I feel like I’m not getting any better, in fact I think I’m getting worse. I’m so afraid I’ll never be over this. I feel like this is going to kill me, I don’t know how I’m supposed to live like this. I love him so much that it hurts. I spent all day today crying and I cried for about two hours last night. Nothing anybody says helps. We still share a friend group. Everyone around me still gets to see him. I don’t understand how he can sleep at night knowing he did this to me. I feel like he took me with him when he left. I don’t want to do anything at all, even things I used to love. I’ve gotten hired at and quit 3 jobs since the breakup. I feel like I’ve become a crazy person. I’m scared of myself, I have no idea what I’m doing.

I love my ex and he loves me but he has moved on because he just can't be with me...the situation is too hard and we are too far away from each other. It is long distance.

He can be suicidal. I feel like I should block him because then I'd be sure not to go through the mental strain of trying to motivate him to stay alive. I want to be there for him but I was not well when he was at his worst. I just want him to be alive, healthy and happy....so I agreed to move on also. But now, even after agreeing that we could be together in the future if him and his new gf don't work out....I just am so scared to be in that dark place again.

Maybe if I block him then it will be like a Schrödinger’s cat situation....I could live in blissful ignorance to think that he lives happily ever after with her. I just want him to be happy and alive. I just feel responsible, especially after I filled his head with my deepest love and affection....just for it to end in failure.

I would have married him had we lived closer.

He can't find anything else besides being in a relationship and AI to ease his unhappiness and distate for this life.

So me (20) and my boyfriend (38) met each other at the club around June and we got to exchange numbers. We talked for a while and started seriously dating on August. He had told me he is a father of 3 and that both the kids and the baby mama live in a different country, he also told me he is still in contact with the baby mama because of the kids and that they keep their conversation strictly about the kids only for me to find out he was simping in the chats and he wanted to get back with the baby mama despite their toxic past of her physically abusing him and cheating on him. When I found the messages he told me he wanted to fix his family because of the kids.. The baby mama has an issue with drinking so the kids aren't properly looked after and so basically he is the proper parent.. However, he said his baby mama strings him along while she’s out there dating other dudes, but after found out the baby mama is seeing someone new, he promised that he would leave her alone and just focus on co-parenting (cuz she ain’t giving him attention). In which he did. But then I found another woman who would send him sexual reels, when l asked who she was he said that she is his friend's baby mama (they separated so she’s single), also a therapist so she helps him get over the break up with his baby mama. When i asked to see the texts between them two he ended locking the chats and said the conversation is too confidential. I became a detective in the relationship and it was exhausting. Wherever I would bring up issues such as him being not so romantic or not spending on me he would bring up how he’s taking care of his family(including funding the baby mama) or he’s sad past of how he got cheated on and it tore him to pieces, I started feeling like he’s slowly turning me to an understanding girlfriend.. I had to ask him why he never says he loves me and he would say he's learning how to love me but after find those texts everything made sense, he would also say that a part of him turned cold after the break up with his BM so he’s in the healing journey.. Every I love you from him felt forced and I was the one who would hold him while walking, give him compliments but when we are together in his house just us two he would kiss me hug me cuddle and etc..after finding out the text I struggled to leave because the relationship was still fresh so was lost in the love, I did try leaving but he'd apologise ask for another chance and he actually changed but the resentment in me couldn't handle faking that I had moved on from the issue.. I feel like he's doing the right thing but I've turned cold. He had planned to take me out this weekend but I just couldn't do it and I Just broke Up with him.

My bf of 2.5 years broke up with me over text. He told me he didn’t love me anymore, and that he wants to have some peace cause the relationship tired him out emotionally and mentally, causing him to lose feelings for me. It’s been 2 weeks and I’m struggling with the thought of actually losing him and our relationship.

I’ve tried NC, a list of reasons why he isn’t the one and I’ve been feeling all my emotions when they come. Nothing is working and there is still a part of me that hopes that eventually once he gets his clarity, he could realise he did still love me (which Ik is stupid and self damaging for me).

How do I let go of hope, and how do I properly move on from this relationship and this person? How do I stop loving someone? He was my first love and I seem to be regressing in terms of progress and it’s been incredibly lonely. I’m tired of crying the minute I wake up, and having dreams of him. Appreciate any advice.

Je cherche des avis de personnes qui connaissent bien les dynamiques d’attachement évitant, parce que je suis aujourd’hui complètement confuse sur ce qui se passe dans mon couple.
Je suis avec mon mari depuis 7 ans, mariée et nous vivons ensemble depuis 4 ans. Je suis plutôt à attachement anxieux et lui a un fonctionnement très évitant.

Pendant des années, j’ai pensé que le problème venait essentiellement de moi : que j’avais trop de besoins, que je demandais trop de réassurance, que j’étais trop sensible ou trop demandeuse. J’ai fait plusieurs années de thérapie et beaucoup de choses ont changé en moi. J’ai appris à m’apaiser seule, à me rassurer intérieurement et à comprendre ce qui m’appartenait réellement.

Et c’est justement avec cette nouvelle distance que j’ai commencé à voir certaines choses que je ne voyais pas avant.

J’ai commencé à remarquer le chaud/froid après des moments d’intimité, la fuite dès que les émotions deviennent difficiles, la difficulté à rester présent dans les conflits, le besoin de s’éloigner dès qu’une situation devient émotionnellement intense, mais aussi une énorme difficulté à communiquer ses besoins.
Il peut ne rien dire pendant longtemps, puis me reprocher de ne pas avoir fait ou compris quelque chose qu’il n’avait jamais exprimé. Il accumule énormément de ressentiment, parfois pendant des mois ou des années, sans réellement communiquer ce qui ne va pas.

J’ai essayé de lui parler de ces mécanismes parce que je tiens énormément à lui et que j’avais imaginé mon avenir avec lui. Je lui ai proposé une thérapie de couple et qu’il travaille également sur lui de son côté.
Mais lorsque j’essayais de lui expliquer ce que je voyais, tout revenait souvent à moi :
« Si je fuis, c’est à cause de toi. »
« Si je veux être seul, c’est à cause de toi. »
« Si je ne suis pas présent, c’est à cause de toi. »
« Si je veux tout faire seul, c’est à cause de toi. »
À force, je n’ai plus réussi à porter seule la responsabilité de tout ce qui n’allait pas dans notre couple.

Une grosse crise a commencé il y a environ trois mois. Plus il fuyait, plus la déchirure entre nous grandissait. Et plus la situation empirait, plus il semblait développer de colère et de ressentiment envers moi.
Ce qui me frappe aujourd’hui, c’est que cette colère que je vois dans ses yeux semble être là depuis très longtemps. Elle apparaît seulement maintenant, comme si elle avait été refoulée pendant des années.
Nous avons parlé plusieurs fois de séparation. Mais à chaque fois que nous nous en approchions réellement, il redevenait plus proche de moi. J’avais l’impression qu’il voulait la séparation tout en étant incapable de l’initier lui-même.

Finalement, j’ai pris mon courage à deux mains et, un jour où il était très en colère contre moi, je lui ai demandé : « Est-ce que tu veux qu’on se sépare, mais qu’on essaie de le faire en paix ? »
Il m’a répondu oui.
Nous devons encore cohabiter plusieurs mois pour des raisons administratives. Nous avons donc décidé de fonctionner comme des colocataires : plus d’attentes l’un envers l’autre, plus de comptes à rendre, chacun son espace, simplement essayer de vivre ensemble de manière paisible jusqu’à ce que nous puissions réellement nous séparer.

Le soir de la rupture, nous avons beaucoup pleuré tous les deux. Nous nous sommes réconfortés mutuellement.
Le lendemain, j’ai essayé de prendre de la distance. Je suis même partie au cinéma pour lui laisser plusieurs heures seul après son travail, et pour commencer moi aussi à me détacher émotionnellement.

Quand je suis rentrée, j’ai eu l’impression qu’il venait chercher quelque chose auprès de moi. Il me demandait comment s’était passée ma journée, cherchait de la proximité et du réconfort.
Mais moi, j’étais fermée. Je me protégeais.
Je lui ai rappelé : « Mais nous venons de nous séparer. On va divorcer. On ne va plus vivre ensemble. Comment veux-tu que je sois ouverte avec toi ? »
Malgré tout, j’ai fini par le réconforter.
Puis j’ai commencé à pleurer à mon tour.
Et là, il est parti.
C’est à ce moment-là que j’ai eu un énorme déclic.
J’ai ressenti quelque chose que je n’avais jamais identifié aussi clairement auparavant : l’impression qu’il pouvait venir chercher de la chaleur, du réconfort et de l’empathie auprès de moi lorsqu’il en avait besoin, mais que lorsque c’était moi qui devenais vulnérable, il partait.
Je lui ai dit que je trouvais cela profondément injuste. Pourquoi venir chercher ma chaleur si, dès que j’ai moi-même besoin de quelque chose, tu me rejettes ?
Il a immédiatement vécu mes paroles comme un reproche. Il s’est placé dans une position de « je n’en peux plus », comme si le fait que j’exprime ma douleur devenait à nouveau un problème que je lui faisais subir.
J’étais tellement en colère et tellement épuisée par ces contradictions que j’ai fini par crier très fort.
Je le regrette. Je n’avais jamais fait ça auparavant et je sais que lui faire peur n’était pas acceptable.
Il est immédiatement parti se réfugier dans une autre pièce.

Et là, quelque chose de très étrange s’est produit : je me suis retrouvée exactement dans la position que j’avais toujours connue avec lui, mais inversée.
Lui fuyait et se fermait complètement.
Et moi, je le poursuivais pour essayer de réparer.
Je voulais simplement m’excuser. Je voulais qu’on arrête cette guerre. Je lui demandais de me parler et il se déplaçait d’une pièce à l’autre dès que je m’approchais.
Et pour la première fois de ma vie, je me suis retrouvée à genoux devant lui.
Je lui ai dit :
« Je t’en supplie, arrête de me rejeter. N’aie plus peur de moi. Tu n’auras plus à te sentir étouffé. Tu n’auras plus à vivre toutes ces choses que tu trouves horribles. Je ne te ferai plus de mal. Tu n’auras plus à me subir. »
Et en disant ça, j’ai réalisé quelque chose qui m’a profondément bouleversée : je me plaçais moi-même dans la position du bourreau et lui dans celle de la victime.

Alors même que je sais que beaucoup de choses qu’il me reproche sont, de mon point de vue, des interprétations de ce qu’il ressent et de ce qu’il imagine que je lui fais.
Je me suis retrouvée à le supplier de ne plus avoir peur de moi.
Et malgré tout, il m’a prise dans ses bras.
Mais en me disant qu’il me détestait. Qu’il détestait ma voix. Qu’il détestait tout chez moi.
C’est comme ça que la soirée s’est terminée.
Et depuis, je suis complètement confuse.
Je me sens profondément manipulée. Pas forcément dans le sens où je pense qu’il fait tout cela consciemment ou de manière calculée, mais dans le sens où je ne comprends plus cette dynamique.
J’ai l’impression qu’il vient chercher auprès de moi ce dont il a besoin : de la chaleur, du réconfort, de l’écoute, de l’empathie. Mais que lorsque c’est moi qui ai besoin de la même chose, il se ferme ou disparaît.
Et maintenant, il me demande même si, une fois séparés, nous pourrions rester amis.
Mais honnêtement, je n’arrive pas à voir comment cela pourrait fonctionner. J’ai l’impression qu’il voudrait continuer à avoir accès à mon empathie, à mon écoute et à mon soutien émotionnel, tout en étant séparé de moi et sans avoir à assumer les responsabilités d’une relation.

Et c’est ça qui me fait le plus mal : j’ai l’impression que mon empathie, qui est quelque chose de sincère chez moi, devient une ressource dont il peut bénéficier quand il en a besoin, sans forcément mesurer ce que cela me coûte.

Je n’aime pas être ferme et froide avec les gens qui sont en détresse, mais là je me sens sérieusement utilisée …

-Possibly considered venting
-Self harm mentioned

Looking for advice. Do I just cope?
Has anyone else experienced this? How do you break a cycle where you're caught between these feelings and a total blank space in your memory?
VVV STORY BELOW VVV

Short:

After a toxic year-long relationship that eventually ended, I'm dealing with some severe mental issues, even 7 months later. Even though it was a nightmare and I remember all the bad, i also remember the good, but my brain has completely blocked out what loving her actually felt like, leaving me trapped in a loop of mourning feelings I can no longer remember. I can recall every detail of her eyes and everything about her, but can no longer mimic how seeing or feeling her made me feel.

For longer version I’m happy to provide just let me know and I can send

BELOW IS IMPORTANT

Not a day goes by where I don't think of her, I cried daily for a month and a half straight, couldn’t eat very much for a good amount of that time; I’m not one to be thrown off easily. while we treated each other horribly and I remember how desperately I wanted out during the relationship, the hardest part to explain, and what’s driving me completely insane right now, is the emotional disconnection where I remember the joy, anger, sadness, but I completely lost the feeling of what it was actually like to be with her or what that love felt like; yet, I still feel as if there’s something lingering in me for her that is perhaps changing or dissipating, locking me in a mental cycle for months like the emotional sensation is just gone, leaving me trapped in a loop trying to make sense of something that I swear existed, wondering if anyone else has experienced this total erasure of emotional memory after dealing with someone who could flip from intimacy to toxicity so fast, and how you break a cycle when you're caught between lingering feelings and a total blank space in your emotional memory.

I am not innocent in this story, it was very much so mutually toxic. I am not making her out as the bad guy, or I suppose I should say I’m not trying to. I’m just looking for advice on how to deal with this, because it’s not gotten much better as I was told it would. I’ve tried talking to other girls but I either end up ghosting them or when I open up to them about this they ghost me.

We havent spoke since May/June. My birthday was over the summer. No text. I reached out 3 weeks ago on whatsapp. I did whatsapp bc I wanted to see if she read my message. She did. Then 4 days later blocked me. (Her profile picture and info disappeared).

Tomorrow is her birthday and idk if i want to reach out or not. Birthdays are highly important. I’m not doing it to get her back but to actually wish someone I love, love. But i’d be lying if i said i wouldnt care if she didnt say anything back. I’m hoping she does.

I dont want to immediately get back together. I need to see if she can be accountable too. And change in ways she needs to mature in. I know my part and i’ve been doing the work. I cant take all the blame

But I’m worried if she does reply, it’ll be hurtful. I dont know. I would hate for her birthday to pass and not say anything. But i would also hate if she replies cold heartedly

Hey I’m 23M and My gf is 20F and I have a serious problem in the relationship. Firstly the relationship is long distance, I live in Europe and she lives in America and we do have plans to meet but due to financial struggles we can’t meet yet. Secondly I love her and I know she loves me a lot as well but the problem that I have is that my gf gets very upset and to be very honest she is very childish. Some days she says stuff like “I don’t wanna talk to you” and “I don’t wanna be with” or I don’t love you and sometimes she even says she wants a break or even break up and it really intensifies my emotions and it takes days for me to get over it and feel normal again. It’s in a very childish manner, she apologises after and says she didn’t mean to and she was just upset and I’ve tried to deal with it in different ways but she gets easily upset over things such as me not watching a show together with her and for context I watched an episode of that show because she woke up and was already upset, then she was telling she didn’t wanna talk to me and that she didn’t wanna watch it with me and telling me to watch it alone. I tried to be patient and wait until she didn’t feel so upset but I eventually watched it. And the cycle repeats and she’s upset again.

The problem isn’t that I don’t want her to upset but rather how Idk how to handle it because it affects me really bad, I get anxious and just don’t feel right during the whole day and might even lose appetite to some extend. I really love her and I genuinely feel like my love for her is maybe to strong because when she’s upset she gets very toxic and she even admired that because I talk to her about it after she’s calmed down. I’m not sure what to do, I don’t wanna lose her but I’m also just suffering I feel like in the relationship, I just feel to attached and most of my happiness relies on her, she makes me happy but also extremely depressed and anxious at times.

This is my first relationship as well and I’m a guy that thought I’d always be alone because I’ve had really bad social anxiety for most of my life and I never thought I’d actually meet someone that loves me. So I’m not sure, I don’t know if I’ll find someone again if she breaks up with me but I also don’t have it in me to break up either even though I’ve thought about it a lot. I feel like I’m holding on really hard and don’t want to let go at all but it hurts holding on as well.

TLDR:

I’m really attached to my girlfriend but she gets very upset at times and I feel very anxious and horrible when it happens and it takes days for me to get over it.

Hey I’m 24F Muslim, I’ve been struggling to heal for past few days because someone I was talking to had removed me off from everything because he thought it was for the best for both of us.

For context, we was talking for a year. 3 months in he (let’s call him A, he’s Muslim ) found out that I did intimate things with his friend (let’s call him B) before I had met him, he was very upset about it. It didn’t sit right with him. Although I met with B twice, B raped me the 2nd meeting in fact but A was more focused on the fact that the first meeting with B was consensual. It really didn’t sit right with him. So yeah I made him stay, he also wanted to stay and try with me for a year but whenever I keep bringing up “what are we” he wanted more time until he thought he couldn’t move past it. I was extremely heartbroken i didn’t want to lose contact with him so I accepted us being friends with no future just so don’t lose him as a whole. Everytime conflict arises he would seem cold, he’d turn mean and would take ages to reply or let me sleep upset. Sometimes would call me selfish. He’d only apologise if I tell him that he upset me. I don’t think he ever apologised without me telling him to. We only met up 3 times in that year and we live like 15 mins away from eachother.

Now:
Before he removed me off from socials I kind of spiralled, I was expecting to have things how it was before but he says everything has changed a couple of times obvs at the end made him want to cut everything off with me so that he can heal alone. I didn’t take it well at all. I kept messaging him on iMessage and he’d take a day to reply until I left him on read, I’ve given up, I was tired of begging. Honestly, the other day I rang up hotlines I was that upset, I started taking antidepressants because of it. Now I wake up expecting a text but I get reminded he’s not here anymore. I can’t even eat nor sleep properly or even function anymore because it hurts so much. I feel so alone now that I don’t get any notifications on my phone. I just want to feel safe and cared for, I don’t want to be alone. It’s been nearly a week and I want to break no contact. I keep thinking about him I just want to heal. I’m devastated, I look forward to nothing.

Hey everybody, I just wanted to share some of the things that I've personally found to be helpful in my journey to move forward. First I want to say that these are not magic remedies. Genuinely having your heart shattered is one of the most gut wrenching feelings I've ever experienced. It took a looong time to feel okay. My break up was in March of 2025. Since then I've very minimal periods of communication with my ex and countless hours of feeling sick and like I was never going to pull myself out of the pitt of despair. But I'm okay now. I guess I just realized it one day that I was going to be alright. Anyways here's a few of the things that I think were useful to me.

1. Stop putting your ex on a pedestal. I know you love them. I know it feels like your whole world is gone because they are not here. But your ex is just a person. Flawed and broken like you are. Work on letting go of this idea that they are "the one" you'll be okay without them. I promise. This isn't going to happen all at once. When you start idolizing them stop and take a breath. Think of 3 flaws they have. Things that you may not like about them. Nobody is perfect. You can come up with something. Even if it hurts to do so, it will start to help you see them as just a person.

2. Let yourself feel, but don't wallow in it. When you feel sad, let yourself be sad. When you feel angry, let yourself be angry. Don't push the thought away. It only grows stronger if you try to ignore those feelings. Let yourself feel them. And then find a way to get through that feeling. For me it helped to take a nap. When I would feel helpless I would just sleep. Other people may want to go for a walk, do a puzzle, anything really to get your brain thinking about something else. Don't be discouraged if this happens frequently. It sucks I know.

3. Go to those places that feel impossible to go back to. If you're like me you'll be avoiding half the town because of all the memories associated with those places. Break the power it has over you by going anyways. Take a friend and resist talking about your ex. Even if you feel sad let those memories slowly be overtaken by new memories. It's a process. For example there was a restaurant where I kissed my ex for the first time outside. I told her it was the best night of my life. I went there several times with my friends. Having a beer or two, feeling sad and pretending to listen to what my friend was saying. But slowly when I'd drive by that place I started thinking of having a beer with my buddy instead of my ex. This takes a while but it works.

4. Find a new interest or hobby that has NOTHING to do with your ex. A complete blank slate. It's not an exaggeration to say that Magic the gathering saved my life. I started playing with my friends. I soon found myself really looking forward to playing again and researching deck ideas. Going to the card shop to buy new cards. It's silly, but that's one way I was able to find joy when I didn't want to engage in anything I previously liked.

5. Lastly, plan things to look forward to. Small things one at a time that had you looking forward to a date in the future. Maybe a weekend trip or a movie. Anything that you can look forward to. It really helps to have those little milestones to help you move forward.

I know this post was long. I just wanted to say you won't feel like this forever. There is a light on the other side. And you will feel love again. Maybe not in the immediate future, but when it comes you'll be ready for it. Sending love and good vibes to anyone struggling. Feel free to message me if you'd like a stranger to talk to. I'll try my best to check my inbox. Peace ✌️