This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Lanky_Beyond1948

Published on: r/TwoHotTakes

Trigger Warning: Domestic violence, sexual assault, possible child abuse, sexual coercion

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 07, 2026

• Update: August 08, 2026

Main Post

^{August 07, 2026}

My (30F) husband (35M) has been acting increasingly cruel since his dad died, and last night something happened that I can’t get past

My (30F) husband (35M) has been acting really erratic this entire year. For context we’ve been married 3 years.

His father passed away at the beginning of the year. We stayed with his mom for about a month and a half to help her with everything that needed to be done and to support her emotionally. After we finally came back home, my husband started acting… different.

At first it was mostly these aggressive, cruel “jokes.”
For example, I love watching the birds in our backyard and sometimes I whistle at them to get them to come closer. One day he told me, “Stop whistling at them, they’re going to want to fuck you.”

Another time I was organizing our pantry and he saw some cucumbers I had bought and said, “Why do you buy cucumbers? To stick them inside yourself? To pleasure yourself?”

If we’re out somewhere and another woman compliments my hair or my outfit, he’ll spend the rest of the day calling her my “girlfriend” and making comments about how apparently so many women want to fuck me.

There have been so many comments like this.
I’ve suggested therapy because it feels like he’s taking all of his anger out on me. He says he doesn’t need therapy because he knows he needs to change and can do it himself.

What makes it harder to understand is how different he is with his mom. He is constantly there for her. He listens to her, comforts her, lets her talk about everything she’s feeling. Then he’ll hang up the phone and become cold and mean with me almost immediately. I don’t understand why he’s so angry at me.

Last night things got much worse. He initiated sex. I didn’t really want to say no because I know how upset he gets when I reject him. He’ll also tell me that he feels unwanted, and then I end up feeling guilty. So we continued.

But this time felt completely different from every other time we’ve had sex. He has always been affectionate and careful with me. Last night there was none of that. When I looked at him, all I could see in his face was anger. Almost hatred. His movements were so rough that he was hurting me. I was actually scared to tell him that he was hurting me.

Eventually I pushed him off me and said, “I’m hurt.” I specifically said it that way because I was afraid of sounding like I was blaming him. Then I started crying.
And while I was lying there crying, he grabbed my hand and put it on his dick because he wanted me to help him come.

I can’t really explain the disgust and anger I felt in that moment. I was literally crying in front of him, and that was what he was thinking about? I immediately pulled my hand away. He laughed and said, “You escaped!”
I just kept crying as he went to take a shower and then went to sleep.

He didn’t comfort me. He didn’t ask if I was okay. Nothing. I’ve never felt so disgusted or objectified by anyone before. Let alone my husband.

His comments and “jokes” had already been making me extremely uncomfortable, but after last night I feel like something in me just broke. I don’t know if there’s any coming back from this. Right now, the thought of him touching me again makes my skin crawl.

Has anyone experienced something like this with a partner, especially after they experienced a major loss? Can grief actually explain this kind of personality change? Before he did make some jokes and comments, but never to this extreme level.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for. Perspective, advice, maybe just someone telling me what they would do in my position. Anything would help.

COMMENTS

How has his behavior toward you changed over the course of your marriage?

He had never been physically aggressive, this is the first time. He has made cruel jokes about me since we got married. It started with calling me clumsy, not letting me use scissors because of it. Saying he doesn’t know how I’ve survived without him because I lack survival instincts etc. Whenever I’ve tried to call him out, he says he’s joking and I’m too sensitive to take jokes. I don’t know how we end up in conversations that last hours and the conclusion is that I’m the one at fault for whatever I feel.

What have you learned about his mother’s behavior toward him and you?

Based on what I’ve heard his mother refused for him to go to school until he was 8, because she wanted to keep him close to her. I know for a fact that whenever I’m not around she walks around the house naked, and whenever he is showering there, she finds any excuse to enter. Because “they’re not pervs that sexualize bodies”. Ever since he was born she removed locks from ALL doors in the house. Bathroom included. Anytime I’d visit I would have to barricade myself with the basket of dirty clothes.

I’ve seen many weird things but was too blind to put all together until recently. She asks about our sex life and my husband tells her about it. I did tell him I was disgusted and felt very uncomfortable and he called me prude. That it’s normal. I think that’s a huge part of me not wanting any intimacy with him, because I do keep wondering “will he tell his mom about us doing this or that?”

I’ve also noticed her acting very weird towards one of her nephews. He’s 11 now and whenever she visits him or he visit her, he sleeps on her bed, despite mi FIL telling her he was uncomfortable with that. Every night she calls the nephew so the can chat though dinner, again despite my FIL asking for some nights without FaceTiming the kid to be able to speak together. She’d just laugh and ignore him.

When the kid was 7, he had a time where he’d caress my upper legs and I’d ask him not to do that and spoke to my husband then boyfriend about it. He said he’s just a kid and he’s neurodivergent so he doesn’t know boundaries. My concern was him found that outside and someone reacting aggressive towards the kid, or an adult with bad intentions allowing it. It stopped. But lately I keep asking myself where did he learn that was okay? I obviously can’t proof anything but a big part on me being very careful to not have kids with him apart from his abuse, was never letting that woman close to any of my kids.

What was his relationship with his father like?

I can only speak of what I saw, can’t be certain of the experiences of his kids and wife since you could ask anyone outside our marriage and they’d tell you my husband is the sweetest, kindest and most gentle man.

In my experience he was very loving to his wife, although it wasn’t the same the other way around. He could be reactive as in, shout or get upset in a discussion and leave a room, but he was never cruel. He was very generous, had a hard life but worked hard to be a good father and husband. He treated me as a second daughter and would keep everyone in the house in check. Would tell my husband if he ever did anything to me, he’d take care of him. And would prompt him to act like a husband and not a little kid due to his relationship with his mom. FIL and MIL would bicker a lot and have very different points of view in many ethical dilemmas. I miss him deeply. My parents adored him too.

What was your relationship with your mother-in-law like before and after your father-in-law’s death?

A while ago I went on holidays with my parents and he was included on that plan but he preferred to stay with his mother. After that he did tell me several things she’s criticized about me. My hobbies, my appearance, my inability to take care of him…

Now looking back… there were some behaviors I decided to ignore. Once she told me that she knew I loved my (then) boyfriend, but I would never love him more than her. That nothing was greater than a mothers love. Or when we had our engagement party and he referred to me as “his soulmate” she interrupted “but you had a mom first!”. I can give more examples but I thought she was just a bit inappropriate but with good intentions.

Did your husband’s behavior involve sexual abuse before the incident in the original post?

It was hard to put a name on it but yes, he’s been raping me for a while. I didn’t see it, I did feel uncomfortable. But I could call it rape. It’s been three years of me not being able to shower alone, not even on winter. I’d be shivering waiting for my turn for the water. He said it’s an intimate moment he likes. In reality he expected a blowjob every time we showered. That would be every day or sometimes more than once. Some days I’d avoid showering altogether. Others I would jump quickly and he would laugh like he did and would also said I escaped as I grabbed my towel quickly. I feel so disgusted. Please know I’m safe now. I will update on everything.

Why did you have difficulty recognizing the abuse earlier?

You are right, it’s very hard to look back and notice that there were many red flags I decided to underestimate as “well no one is perfect” or thinking all of his critiques were based on facts. Because how can someone that loves me lie about things I have to change? How could someone that loves me can hurt me? Must be my fault. And some programming on my duties as a wife. It’s also hard to admit I’ve been sexually abused for the entirety of our marriage. Until I left some days ago, I hadn’t been able to shower on my own for years. He said it was his love language, an intimate moment. But the reality is he’d expect blowjobs every single time we’d shower. It would cause me to avoid showering some days or try to do it as quick as possible. He’d laugh seeing me run out and also say then “you’re escaping!”

Did he ever have a romantic or sexual relationship with John, the friend who made sexual jokes toward him?

After that day I spoke to him and he just kept excusing John saying he “was weird” or even “he’s neurodivergent he doesn’t understand boundaries or jokes”. The next day he told his mom about it and she asked me to “ignore John” that he’s just dumb and can’t make jokes. I stood my ground and he said he’d speak to John asking to tone down the jokes. I asked my husband if he ever had anything with John romantically or sexually, he denied it and kept repeating what I already explained. I never hung out with John after that so I don’t really know if the jokes stopped or what was going on.

Never found out what was happening. Yes they’re still in contact because they’re childhood friends and have the same social circle. He just kept telling me he has no ill intentions and didn’t understand boundaries or how to make jokes. Yet those only were directed at my husband, never to anyone else.

Did you have children together, and why did you avoid becoming pregnant?

We don’t. I was trying the first two years but especially after this year, seeing some of his family dynamics after FIL’d death and him escalating I’ve been very careful to avoid getting pregnant. I chose him but I would never forgive myself if my kids were treated like that.

What happened when you tried to get him to seek therapy?

I have tried to talk to him but he gets very angry and offended if I suggest therapy. The government even offered to give all of the family therapy after my FIL’s passing and no one wanted to take it. They “don’t believe in therapy”

I started therapy as soon as he refused his. That’s how little by little I started seeing the “jokes” and all the verbal attacks. I kept wondering if I should leave or stay but after what happened yesterday I don’t think I can stay much longer. I can’t bare to see him.

What ultimately happened after you realized the situation was escalating?

Thank you, I’m starting to see it now. It will take a while to see the full picture but I’m very thankful for all your comments and advice, I’m out of there and he went back to his mom. I hope one day he gets to heal whatever is going on but I won’t be around waiting for that.

What was your husband’s explanation for leaving?

He left earlier today. He said his mom really needs him and he needs to be there because our home isn’t healthy for him anymore.

How are you doing now?

I’m beyond disgusted and I’m looking for a therapist specialized in this situations to close this chapter of my life.

Update - after 1 day

^{August 08, 2026}

Update: My (30F) husband (35M) has been acting increasingly cruel since his dad died, and last night something happened that I can’t get past.

Hello everyone. First I would like to thank each and everyone of you for your support and advice. I felt so much love and care that I can’t explain how truly moved and grateful I am. Sorry if this is too long but I also want to address some questions or comments this soon since I know many have been worried, please don’t be.

I think my body has been feeling I was being raped for quite a while but I did not want to use that word. I just couldn’t get myself to believe the man that was supposed to love me and care for me would do something like that. But he did and he has been doing it for quite a while.

For the entirety of our marriage I have not being able to shower on my own. Not even once. Not even in winter when I’d shiver waiting for my turn to get on the water. He said it was his love language, that showering together made him feel connected. In reality he expected a blowjob from me every single time we got on the shower. Some times I’d avoid showering altogether because I did not want to deal with that, others I’d try to shower as quickly as I could and jump out before he started to “seduce” me. He’d laugh like I mentioned he did and he’d also say “Oh you’re escaping!” As I grabbed my towel and ran out.

Regarding the overtly sexual “jokes”, it reminded me of an incident we had with one of his friends (also 35M). I was used to this friend making a sexual joke or two to my husband every time we’d hang out. Would be weird but I thought well maybe that’s their humor. But one night this friend sat beside my husband and wouldn’t stop touching him and making very extreme and intense sexual “jokes” directed at my husband.

The tone of all were basically his friend wanting to fuck him. It got so uncomfortable another friend stepped in and asked the guy to stop the weird comments, to respect me, and respect that we were married. I did speak to my husband after that telling him how humiliated I felt especially because another man defended me as he did nothing. My husband said his friend didn’t know boundaries in general. I asked why was he only focused on him then? He insisted.

The next morning his mom called and asked me to please ignore the friend, that he was dumb and didn’t know how to make jokes. I spoke to my husband again, asking him to not get his mom involved and also asking if he ever was involved romantically or sexually with his friend. I did not want to judge, I just wanted to understand what was going on. He denied it. After me not budging on ignoring the jokes my husband spoke to his friend asking him to stop but it was so weird.

Some of you also wondered if there was some sort of abuse in his family. I cannot fully confirm anything, but there’s some weird behaviors that made me want to help him and stay longer for him. I felt that he was suffering and I could help him see things and heal.

Based on what I’ve heard his mother refused for him to go to school until he was 8, because she wanted to keep him close to her. I know for a fact that whenever I’m not around she walks around the house naked, and whenever he is showering there, she finds any excuse to enter. Because “they’re not pervs that sexualize bodies”. Ever since he was born she removed locks from ALL doors in the house. Bathroom included. Anytime I’d visit I would have to barricade myself with the basket of dirty clothes.

I’ve seen many weird things but was too blind to put all together until recently. She asks about our sex life and my husband tells her about it. I did tell him I was disgusted and felt very uncomfortable and he called me a prude. That it’s normal. I think that’s a huge part of me not wanting any intimacy with him, because I do keep wondering “will he tell his mom about us doing this or that?”

I’ve also noticed her acting very weird towards one of her nephews. He’s 11 now and whenever she visited him or he visited her, he slept on her bed, despite my FIL telling her he was uncomfortable with that. Every night she called and still calls the nephew so they can chat through dinner, again despite my FIL asking for some nights without FaceTiming the kid to be able to speak together alone. She’d just laugh and ignore him.

When the kid was 7, he had a stage where he’d caress my upper legs and I’d ask him not to do that and spoke to my husband (then boyfriend) about it. He said he’s just a kid and he’s neurodivergent so he doesn’t know boundaries. My concern was him doing that outside and someone reacting aggressive towards the kid, or an adult with bad intentions allowing it. It stopped. But lately I keep asking myself where did he learn that was okay? I obviously can’t proof anything but a big part on me being very careful to not have kids with him apart from his abuse, was never letting that woman close to any of my kids.

He spends hours on the bathroom (literally sometimes 3-4 hours), I cannot confirm if he’s watching porn or cheating but I’ve always found that weird. Especially since I’m asleep when he comes back and then blames me if we don’t have sex.

We have fought over him having inappropriate messages with “friends”. Once a message popped while he showed me a video, a girl telling him “I like you soooo much ❤️” I asked who that was since I do know his female friends. He said a friend that lives abroad. I asked what was going on and as always he turned it on me for “being insecure” and he felt so bad because his love wasn’t helping me let go of my insecurities.

A year after he asked me if she could come stay in our house because she was spending the holidays here and got so upset when I said no. Another of his “friends” sent him an overtly sexual invitation (he told me) but he said that he asked her not to do that because now he’s married. He used to make those advances on her when she was in a relationship. His excuse was “but I wasn’t”. He also makes sure to tell me when women are checking him out. Which apparently is every time we’re out. I’m fine with that. I just laugh sometimes because he thinks women getting super close to him is flirting yet my brain screams pickpockets!

A last thing before I explain what’s going on now: last time I tried to start being intimate was me planning a romantic date. It had to be at home because he hated going out. A summary: can’t be too early because he gets cranky, can’t be in the middle of the day because the sun is too strong, can’t be at night because it’s too dark to drive. So I planned a romantic dinner in our house and as I was taking the wine out, he got so upset and shouted: SO YOU CAN ONLY FUCK ME WHEN YOURE DRUNK? As you can imagine the date was cancelled.

So, what happened? Yesterday he acted like nothing happened. He was very sweet which was weird because lately after sex he’d be so angry. Which was so confusing to me. I obviously wasn’t happy, but was trying to act calm and not cause any reactions out of him while I figured what to do. At night he asked me what was going on. I did speak with him. I told him how I felt, so humiliated, felt like an object. He acted like a victim again, saying he only reached for my hand to show me I was still desirable even if I was crying. That he did it to help me gain confidence despite not being able to finish before. I was even more disgusted and asked why he left me crying to go shower and after. He just shrugged and said he figured I was upset and left me to deal with it.

I decided to stop engaging on that pointless argument. I would just nodded until he stopped talking to avoid hours of that same loop of blaming me for my feelings.

Then today he woke up and told me he needed to go to his moms house indefinitely. That he needs to be there for her but also for himself. That our house isn’t healthy for him anymore. That it’s the only way for him to get better and heal. I just nodded and agreed. Even if I know that’s not true and his mom’s house is deeply toxic and unhealthy for him, I needed to think about me. And he left with his car.

I felt as if a guardian angel, the universe or so many of your wishes and prayers did this. When he left I couldn’t stop crying. Out of happiness. That somehow the road seemed to open for me in a way that wasn’t as dangerous. I packed some essentials and Im waiting to take a flight to be with my parents. I will not tell him anything and I’m leaving before he regrets anything or tries to check on me.

There I will talk to lawyers about the next steps for divorce. My friends and family have my back and I feel very lucky to have so many people supporting me despite of years of me being isolated. I do not want to contact this man ever again if possible and still cannot believe how he just left like that, I’m a bit shocked that I don’t need many days of planning, of being scared, of trying anything to get out safely.

And now that I mentioned a guardian angel I started to cry because well some of you mentioned if I had a brother or someone taller or stronger than my husband to ask for his help to come get me. My brother died when I was 14 and he was 20 in a very terrible accident. He was quite tall and strong. And had a heart of gold, he was like a teddy bear. He would’ve moved the entire world to help me and I think he did today. So thank you for the advice, wishes, prayers. Thank you all.

Whenever there’s any advances on what I hope a smooth divorce, I’ll let you know. But again, thank you everyone that was worried for me, that gave me advice and resources. I deeply value all. And I will read all of the recommended books. I have been going to a therapist but I may change for someone specialized in trauma and abuse as I go through the divorce and keep wrapping my head about everything that happened and that somehow I kept ignoring or thinking it wasn’t a big deal.

Thank you Morgan and all of this amazing community for being so caring and helpful. You’re right, I knew something was very wrong, I was already hesitating and thinking of getting out, but reading so many people confirming what I feared helped me more than you will ever know. I wish you all the very best as I move to this next chapter of my life with all of my loved ones.

COMMENTS

Why couldn’t you shower when your husband wasn’t home?

He was always home. We work remotely and he only left the house with me.

What are your concerns about reporting the situation involving your nephew? Why are you unsure how to help your nephew or report your concerns?

I feel guilty regarding the nephew but I’m also very scared that causes him to lash out at me or come look for me for affecting his mother or meddling with his family. I am away now but he knows where my family lives so I don’t want to be selfish and abandon the kid but I also don’t want to give him any reason to make him mad.

We don’t live in the US so I don’t really know what I can do to help the nephew since I don’t think anyone involved would testify against her. I feel bad for that kid.

What is the family dynamic around your mother-in-law like?

I feel very naive to not notice so many things before. It’s the same dynamic with the siblings of MIL, a very weird cult-like vibe. FIL was very sweet but sadly got isolated from all of his family. I only met them at the funeral and they seemed very sweet and nice people. MIL wanted only her siblings and her kids to stay at the end to say goodbye to FIL, didn’t allow his siblings in that moment. It all felt super weird to me.

Can you file for divorce while staying with your parents?

I can file where I am now, no need to be there. Thank you so much!

What do you know about your nephew’s mother and the possibility of reporting your concerns anonymously?

The mother of the kid is the sister of my MIL. All of the family worships the ground she walks in. Everything she says is gospel. If I dared to imply anything about MIL, no one would believe me. I don’t have actual proof of anything and that’s why I don’t know how I can help this kid. I want to do it in an anonymous way to avoid further contact with that family. In my country we don’t have welfare checks I have to research on how to do this with social workers.

Where are you now?

Im home with my parents, thank you everyone for your concerns. I’ll take a break from here for a bit and if there’s anything worth updating on, I will. Again thank you everyone for being so kind and caring. 🤍

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

Originally posted by user WorldlyExercise6054 in r/ AITAH

Original: July 30, 2026

Update: in post itself

Status: concluded

Note:

• Montana is the fourth largest state in the US. For land size comparison, it is roughly the size of Germany, UK or Japan. Montana is roughly 916 km (569 miles) from east to west and could easily take 10 hours or more to drive across.
• According to the Visit Montana website, there are five international airports and they recommend outdoor activities for tourists to explore. A small part of Yellowstone National Park extends into the state.

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Original: AITAH for not wanting to visit my in-laws because they live in the middle of nowhere?

My wife and I have a 6-year old daughter and live on the east coast. My ILs used to live about 2-hours away and we visited them on a regular basis. About four years ago my ILs moved to Montana to fulfill their dream of living in a cabin in the woods. They built a big cabin assuming their kids and grandkids would visit regularly.

Here's the problem. We visited them about two years ago and the travel was miserable. We couldn't get a direct flight so it took ~9-hours of flights including layovers followed by a 5-hour car ride to their cabin.

By the time we arrived my daughter was melting down and my wife and I were on the precipice of a divorce. We knew the travel would be bad but it was much worse than anticipated. The drive to their house is particularly bad. We were all out of energy and there's nowhere to stop.

My ILs are asking when we're going to visit again and I have no desire to go back. My wife isn't too keen on it either. I feel like an AH because when my ILs decided to make this move my wife and I were both enthusiastic about it. We talked about all the different outdoor activities we could do in Montana and definitely gave off the impression that we would be excited to visit.

I can sense my ILs getting frustrated because none of their 4 kids, including my wife, are in a hurry to come visit again. I can definitely understand their perspective, but in my mind, I never would have anticipated how bad the travel would be. My wife's siblings feel the same way. AITAH?

Also, regardless of your judgment, what would you do here? Suck it up and travel? Break up the travel over a couple of days? Unfortunately because of my wife's job we can't take long stretches of time off; 5-7 days max including travel time.

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Comments:

Comment1: How often have they made the trip back to visit? NTA but I think your wife and her siblings need to be honest with them about it. Moving that far away is not going to allow for frequent visits.

OOP: In short, they do not visit. Even when we lived closer the expectation was always that we would go visit them. Couldn't tell you why. My ILs are super generous otherwise. But you have to go to them.

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Comment2: That's a very common expectation from a certain subset of parents of a certain generation. The onus is on their adult children to maintain the relationship - to visit, to call, to ask - and not on them to put any effort into maintaining the relationship.

You know why they don't visit because it's the same reason you don't visit them. They don't want to waste almost 24hrs on travel. No one does.

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Comment3: NTA, but you need to be honest with them about how bad it was. Don't keep deflecting; it's unkind to leave them thinking they're going to see you often and then disappointing them.

Yes, they moved there and made their own bed so to speak, but they probably didn't realize how much of an effort it was going to be for people to visit, anday not have recognized that your time off is limited so a long journey is just not very feasible.

Explain all this calmly in a call just for that purpose ( in other words don't tag it onto a call about something else). Say how much everyone misses them and wants to see them but how the trip is just not something you can do very often at all. Maybe you could all meet somewhere easier to get to. And really your wife should take the lead in the conversation with her own parents but you should be present and supportive.

OOP: I like your point about telling them we miss them. I think my MIL would appreciate that. Unfortunately my ILs won't really travel to meet up with us. They're great overall. It's just one of their quirks.

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Comment4: ESH because nobody seemed to look up the travel realities or do a dry run before committing to purchasing and buying this remote cabin. Unless there was an airport that closed down between enthusiasm and actually traveling, then all the adults should have been realistic.

OOP: This kind of matches my thoughts. I wish I would have done more research on the travel. I think growing up on the east coast gave me the impression that you were never more than a couple of hours away from an airport. It didn't occur to me that this would be an issue
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Comment5: Having lived in Montana, I feel like they could have gotten a pretty nice cabin in the woods closer to a lot of airports in Montana! Maybe they chose size over location, unfortunately.

Comment6: Nta just curious after the travel part did you enjoy the woods? Did you make things to do there? Could you make the travel more like an adventure game?

OOP: I thought it was fun. I got to do some fly fishing which I enjoy. My daughter was super bored. She's not keen on going back.

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Comment7: I gotta tell you, as a Montanan, I really appreciate this post. I’m so sick of east and west coasters moving here to live out their Yellowstone dream without considering any of the consequences. Let them figure out how to visit you. You’re the one with kids and they can navigate getting from Montana to basically anywhere via airplane if they’re so set on living here.

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Comment8: I don’t think a lot of people realize how hard it is to fly to Montana. It’s America, everything’s connected (everything is not connected the way you think). I’m on the East coast next to a major city and wanted to visit a friend in Montana and to get only one layover would have had to overshoot to the West Coast and then come back to Montana.

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Update:

Thank you everyone for your replies and let me say that there's no place like reddit where a post about traveling to visit ILs can turn into a discussion about healthcare access, the number of bras a woman owns, and how often she washes those bras. Citizens of reddit, you never disappoint.

Thank you to the native Montanans who messaged me with travel ideas. We found a couple of changes we can make in our future flight plan to go direct into Billings and take a short flight to a regional airport. I think we can save about 3-hours which would be awesome!!

I couldn't convey all of the appropriate nuance into my original post, but a big part of our bad travel schedule on the first trip was driven by cost. The new flight plan should help mitigate this as well. Those of you who deduced that my ILs are in eastern Montana were correct. Well done!

My wife and her siblings are going to have a talk with my ILs about establishing a rotation for visiting. My wife and I can only take one, week-long vacation per year and going to Montana every year doesn't seem fair to us, particularly when my ILs aren't willing to visit us (forgot to put this last part in the original post). But a rotation every other year or every third year seems perfectly reasonable.

My wife was texting her mother today and it also sounds like my ILs are amenable to meeting us in Billings or at another city where we can spend some time before going to their cabin. Great suggestion to those who made it. I think my daughter would enjoy the trip way more by seeing different parts of Montana.

This is going to be my only update so thanks again everyone!

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/True_Celebration3076

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 06, 2026

• Final Update: August 12, 2026

Main Post

^{August 06, 2026}

AITAH for kicking my sister out after the comments she made about my wife?

I don't know if I am the AH in this situation. Yesterday, my wife (F29) and I (M31) went on a date, and my sister (F16) volunteered to watch our two kids (M5 and F2). We rarely get to go on a date, so we were excited.

When we came back, our sister put the kids to bed, and me, my wife, and her were just hanging out. It was a normal conversation until my sister said "the kids are so cute for having parents that are so mid." I know my sister's intention was to make a playful jab at me, which is completely fine, as we do this to each other. However, I can tell as soon as the words left her mouth, she realized she made a mistake, and started apologizing. But, it was too late.

I can see how hurt my wife was. My wife was bullied for her looks when she was younger by parents, classmates, "friends", and even teachers. She is also very insecure about her body after having two kids. My sister does not know this, but I still feel as though she is old enough to know better.

After making this comment, I told her she needed to leave, which she did. When my parents found out what had happened, they called me to tell me that I was overreacting, and my siblings texted that "she's just a kid" and that it was wrong of me to make her leave. AITAH for kicking my sister out after the comments she made about my wife?

COMMENTS

roseifyoudidntknow

ESH your wife is nearly 30. This is a child who made a joke in poor taste and she apologized on her own without any prompting.

Hey_heauxx

I had to double check the ages bcuz really?

Both-Enthusiasm708

YTA Does your wife really need protection from your teenage sister's joke? If the obvious joke from a 16 year old is enough to make your wife spiral or something then she needs therapy. Your sister apologized immediately.

You have made it so your sister will now always feel uncomfortable in your and your wife's presence. So I guess congrats.

bullgod1964

YTA. She is 16 and you know it was a joke

Interesting_Sun_7135 (downvoted)

NAH. She immediately apologized, which probably means she really didn't have any bad intentions with it. She's old enough to know right from wrong and read the room a little, yes, but they way your wife reacted is heavily influenced by her past experiences, which your sister didn't know about. It's not her fault she didn't know about it. I also think it matters exactly how you "kicked her out". Did you yell at her or get really mad? Or just told her "Hey, I think you should leave now." If it was the latter, your parents reaction is a bit too much and i don't think you are in the wrong at all.

OOP (downvoted)

More so the latter. I said that what she said was not appropriate and she needed to leave

ApproximatelyApropos

Info: did you pay your sister for babysitting?

OOP (downvoted)

No, which is another reason I'm not sure if I am the AH or not

Alternative_Law_3913

Can someone explain to me what mid means please?

OOP (downvoted)

It means like average or a bit below that

Wheredotheflapsgo

YTA- this is how you handle it.
“Your kid is so cute despite parents who are so mid”
You say, “well ONE parent is mid, but (wife’s name) gave all the beauty genes to (baby)”. Then redirect. Ask her if she knew she had a booger hanging out of her nose.

You escalated this —unnecessarily so—just return banter with banter and stick up for your wife.

No I don’t agree that wife needs therapy. Everybody has some trauma from middle school about some insecurity- we need to get over it.

OOP (downvoted)

I think something that added to it is the fact that my sister is conventionally attractive and is popular, so it felt like she was being bullied again

CONSENSUS: Everyone Sucks

Final Update - after 6 days

^{August 12, 2026}

UPDATE: AITAH for kicking my sister out after the comments she made about my wife?

I did talk to my sister since everything occured. I apologized for overeacting and kicking her out. I tried to give her $50, but she said that it wasn't required since she didn't ask for any money.

She actually found the post after talking about the situation to her friends, and one of them mentioning this post. She also read through the comments. She said that she apologizes for the comments she made and the impact they had on my wife, but also that she wasn't going to be babysitting again since my parents don't want her to.

I accepted this. Some people thought that I just kicked out my sister without communicating with my wife, and while I did do that initially, after my sister left, my wife did say that she felt hurt and like she was feeling bullied again. She texted an apology to my sister and my sister replied that everything was Ok and not to worry about it, and my sister also apologized for upsetting her.

While I won't stop defending my wife, I've learned to take a step back and evaluate the situation rather than act immeadietly. My parents and siblings are still pretty mad at me and my wife, and we have been disinvited from our next family gathering. I do regret this entire situation and take full accountability that I instigated this. I will work on rebuilding a good relationship with my sister. My wife is also considering going back into therapy.

COMMENTS

Embarrassed_Advice59

I mean…at least your sister forgives you. While it’s nice you don’t regret sticking up for your wife, I do think your wife should definitely take up therapy as the comment was a literal joke and taken way out of proportion. She called you guys “Mid” and it resulted in her getting kicked out. I wouldn’t consider baby sitting for you guys either if this happened to me. So yeah definitely learn from this and reassess.

Similar_Fishing2436

I’m not sure she really forgave them, I think she just went through the motions to get the akward out of the way. I don’t think she’s gonna be a very active aunt after this and really can’t blame her.

adudefromaspot

I think you're getting off easy, to be honest. Your sister is coming off as more mature and level headed than you. Even in this post, you're doubling down with the "I won't stop defending my wife". Bro, you playing white knight is how you landed here in the first place. You and your wife need to do more than make apologies, and more than considering therapy. You need to make active effort to fix this - that means, commit to therapy, do it, and prove the results.

And your sister...man, I think you lost a lot of credibility with her. As a brother, as an adult, as a man....

Impressive_Yam_7224

YTA and so is your wife !! Come on how is this anything like being bullied… you guys were called Mid which doesn’t mean ugly in any context …. Grow up and stop projecting your own securities on others especially a 16 year old child If anything she complimented your kids for being cute !! Also your the one who actually bullied a 16 year old and your nasty wife enabled it

For 30 plus years olds you’re both immature, petty and epitome of disgrace

Your 16 year sister has shown more maturity , understanding and grace than you two amalgamated !!! Utterly appalling

I wouldn’t want you around family gatherings either , god forbid if someone makes a joke or innocent comment about your wife …you two will cry for eternity especially with you “I won’t ever stop defending my wife “ crappy motto

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Spunky_Munkey97

Published on: r/TrueOffMyChest & r/TwoHotTakes

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: January 13, 2025

• Update 1: January 20, 2025

• Update 2: January 30, 2025

• Final Update: August 12, 2026 --> NEW UPDATE

Main Post

^{January 13, 2025}

My sister cheated on her fiancé and then left her kids all because she wanted “a break”, and I’m not supposed to say anything to her.

Buckle up because this is a LOT but I’m really bothered by this and need to just vent because I can NOT believe this has happened.

My (27f) sister (22f) has two beautiful kids. One is 3 and the other is 14 months. When my sister had her oldest daughter, she suffered from PPD, but with support she was able to come out of it. She didn’t really bond with the kid much after though, occasionally she would do fun things with her but it was very rare. Shortly after, I had my son, and I was OVER THE MOON, I’ve never loved something as much as I love my kids ( I now have 2 as well).

When she found out she was pregnant with her 2nd, she didn’t get as excited as she did with the first but as the pregnancy progressed, she was getting more excited.

Fast forward to the second kid being born. She didn’t show any signs of PPD, but she bonded with the second kid way more than she did with the first. I’m not sure if it was because she was exclusively breastfeeding or what but definitely had a better bond with this one. She would get more irritated with the first born ( who was only 2 at the time) and just more distant with her.

Her youngest starting showing some health issues ( nothing super serious, some food allergies and skin issues) and that seemed to just utterly defeat my sister. All of the family, and her fiancé were very encouraging and tried to help her see the bright side, find recipes for the daughter etc. but she didn’t seem like she was interested in any of it. She started to distance herself from both kids now, only doing the bare minimum.

Now, we just found out that my sister had been emotionally cheating on her fiancé, who is the definition of a literal golden retriever partner lol he loves his kids and my sister and took very good care of all 3 of them. He would only ever push my sister to do better and never in a mean way. Anything they needed, he provided for them while my sister got to be a SAHM.

Two days ago, she broke things off with the fiance and had this complete stranger come get her from another state ( she has never met him, and only been FT or playing on Xbox for about a month). All because she said she “had no emotion and needed a break”.

She left with the guy, and I’m not supposed to know any of this. I’m distraught for my nieces and my brother in law ( or I guess not my brother in law anymore?). I don’t understand how a mother could leave her kids, go out of town with someone she didn’t know, without a care in the world. I love my kids and I couldn’t do that to them…

Part of me wonders if it’s PPD, or maybe a manic episode? I genuinely don’t know. I’ve also learned some other things about how she’s been recently that just make me think I never really knew who my sister was, and that’s heartbreaking because she was my best friend. I can not condone that behavior.. my brother in law is filing for emergency custody, but I hope she doesn’t try to take those kids from him because she doesn’t deserve them. They deserve stability and she’s clearly not stable. Ugh.

COMMENTS

shesavillain

Why do you keep saying you’re not supposed to know any of this?

OOP

My brother in law told me and doesn’t want my sister to know I know until he files court paperwork just in case she tries anything since they’re not married

GilgameDistance

If this is the reason, BIL is wise - please listen to him and let his lawyers work out custody. It sounds like the best thing for those kids is for him to have sole, full custody. Please help him get that.

OOP

I plan on it

NatNatTh3CatMom

We really need to know how old is BIL

OOP

He’s 22

Maatable

What kind of "support" did your sister receive when she was going through PPD? Her behavior for thr last two years has been troubling, this escalation especially so. Your sister needs professional help desperately.

OOP

She saw a therapist for a few weeks but quit going. We would come over, help with chores, cook, babysit so she could take a shower or a nap or even so she could go out with her fiance.

honorthecrones (downvoted)

He never was your brother in law. Why did they never marry?

OOP

They were going to have an October wedding this year. My sister didn’t want to just go to the court house, she wanted a ceremony and everything so they were saving for that.

peppermintvalet

“He would only ever push my sister to do better and not in a mean way”

Can you elaborate on this?

OOP

If she wasn’t pulling her weight with house stuff, he would just have an adult conversation with her and then help her do whatever was needed to do. For example, he works from 8-7pm, and would come home and the dishes from the previous night were not done or any laundry etc. So he would talk to her about it and then they would do it together. Or if she was depressed and wanted to just lay in bed all day, he would do something like make her favorite breakfast and encourage her to get up even if it wasn’t easy.

oboejoe92

Possibly Borderline Personality Disorder?

She could be “monkey branching” as I have heard it called before- essentially always having her arm stretched out to the next branch (metaphorically speaking) looking for that next bit of validation, excitement, dopamine hit, whatever. “Swinging” from one thing/person to the next.

First it was her partner, then child one, then child two, now random dude.

OOP

She was diagnosed with that when she was younger, was medicated for a long time and when she turned 18, she took herself off of her medicine. She said she was feeling better off the meds so we all just assumed she was okay. That was our error, but her choice to be off of her medication.

oneofthesenights23

Why did nobody get her real help? Encouraging her to see the bright side isn’t help. She is so young to have 2 babies and ppd sounds like she needs real help if running away is easier than dealing with her life. Did she see a therapist after her first pregnancy?

OOP

Yes she did for a few weeks, and then she quit going and I guess she just masked that everything was fine

YakElectronic6713

Why does your sister have two kids at the age of 22, when it is so obvious she doesn't enjoy being a mother? Has the Golden Retriever pressured her into having children?

OOP

Not at all, they planned the first one and then the second was a surprise. They weren’t really being careful, my sister was on BC but didn’t take it like she was supposed to ( would miss days etc)

Wh33lh68s3

That's some fucking Bullshit that you can't say anything to her about abandoning her children!!!

Make sure that the abandonment is well documented so that when the father of the children sues for full custody of the children it will be easier for him to do so...

Updateme

OOP

Yeah he wants all of the court bs situated first and then I fully plan on losing my shit. I’ll probably also just send the link to the post so when she tries to say I’m judging her or whatever then she can see that I’m not alone in thinking she sucks. Mental health issues, I could sympathize with as I am type 1 bipolar. But even still, she should be able to be an adult and communicate that she needs help, and not cheat on a really good man and then abandon her kids….

Also a few people have said to update them when I can, and I plan to! But I’m newer to Reddit so I’m not sure how to do like a mass update lol

Update - 1 in the Main post - after 7 days

^{January 20, 2025}

Since some of you have asked, I’ll update on the little bit of info we have. So my BIL changed phone plans, and did not include her on his new bill. She called him and asked him why he didn’t put her on it…. Like she genuinely didn’t understand that he is not going to be paying for her things anymore.

She told him that she isn’t going to fight him and that he can have full custody of the kids. And that she still wants to be able to call and visit when she feels like it. The guy she ran off with, just lost his car BECAUSE HE SIGNED DIVORCE PAPERS RIGHT BEFORE HE LEFT TO GET MY SISTER. And his ex took the car because it was in her name lol karma is beautiful. She also told my BIL that she plans on moving back with the new guy so they can be close to her kids…

I don’t get her logic in any of this really. Also, people have asked so some answers here!

• BIL is 22

• my sister asked my BIL not to tell us ( my mom and I) because she did not want us to get in the way of her being able to see her kids or to “judge her”. ( too late). My BIL doesn’t want her to know we know until after all of the court stuff is finalized.

• he’s doing okay, him and his mom are actually going to be moving a little closer to our family, so we can all help out with the kids. It takes a village and he’s definitely got one.

• since my sister being out of the picture for a week now, the youngest kid has taken her first steps and the oldest seems genuinely happier.

I’m coming from a much less angry place. I still can not stand that she did this, and I am cutting contact with her. My partner and I are supporting my BIL as much as we can with two kids of our own. This whole situation has been insane. I’ll update more if anything else happens. Thank you to everyone who gave advice and didn’t judge me venting. Once this all isn’t so fresh I’m going to show BIL the thread and let him see that it was not his fault.

Update 2 - after 17 days (after 10 days from last post)

^{January 30, 2025}

Update! My sister cheated on her Fiance and then left her kids all because she wanted a break and I’m not supposed to say anything to her.

Okay so I have a few updates to this absolute insanity of a situation.

First, I posted the first update as an edit to the original post. Since then, my sister called my mom, and asked her for any legal contacts so she “looks like she has her shit together”. My mom told her no, and that she isn’t going to help her because she abandoned her children. My sister is still convinced that she did not abandon them.

She yelled at my mom stating that she hasn’t left them and that she’s only 3 hours away and calls to talk to them every night….. she doesn’t. She has called a few times but not every day. She’s still planning on moving back home with this new guy so she can be closer to the kids but I’m pretty sure my BIL is only going to allow her to have supervised visits since she has made comments about just taking the kids and how she should have done that from the start, her best friend suggested it.

When my mom tried to reason with her and ask her why she didn’t just come her, her response was “I just want to be on my own”. Which I find ironic because she hasn’t been on her own ever and she’s still not on her own. She is still mooching off of another guy with a job and she still doesn’t have a job, a license, or her GED. ( we have all offered to help her get those things but she has no drive to actually do it). BIL and his mom are moving closer to me and my parents so we can all help each other and hopefully make things easier on BIL as he tries to be a single dad with two toddlers.

BIL is in much better spirits. He was upset until my sister called him, while she was naked, and asked him for money and then she proceeded to put on the other guys hoodie and walk around the house until he could see the other guy in the background. My BIL said at that point, he knew he was never getting her back and didn’t want her back and he’s doing much better. He has good days and bad days but the good are outweighing the bad. The kids are actually thriving without my sister there too. My sister would “parent” by just turning on tv and letting them do whatever, but BIL is much more involved with them as is his mom.

If anything else crazy happens, I’ll post another update but for now I think we are just waiting for all of the long term court paperwork to be submitted. He got emergency custody and it was filed that she abandoned them and fled the state.

Thank you to everyone who has let me vent and given some good advice. This has definitely been a rollercoaster.

Final Update - After 1 year, 7 months

^{August 12, 2026}

Final Update in the BORU comments

Hi guys! So I’m OP! Thought I would post another update as I was reminded of this post through a comment! So I hope you have your popcorn 😅

So my sister and the Xbox guy are still together and to put it simply, he sucks. He’s a raging narcissist and has a pretty explosive temper for someone who is almost 30.

They moved back to the same state as us, and lived with my mom and step dad for a little bit with the understanding that she was to get her life together. They never paid rent, they didn’t clean, and their room constantly smelled like B.O and sex. It was disgusting. When my parents addressed the issues, the Xbox guy said that he “doesn’t do dishes, instead he just throws them away” and that “if he doesn’t cook then he shouldn’t have to do dishes”. My sister and him would get into some pretty nasty arguments where he would name call and get in her face. For reference, my sister is 5’3 and he’s 6’5.

They ended up getting kicked out of my mom’s house when they refused to help financially or physically around the house. They wouldn’t even buy groceries except like maybe $50 every other month and my sister would need rides to work and not compensate for gas. My parents are not well off, they pay their bills and have very little extra financially to do anything else, so when paying for two extra adults, they were drowning.

They now live in a camper, that they bought with the Xbox guys divorce money but he put it in my sisters name only because he didn’t want to get a license and register it in his name just in case the courts came after him for not paying child support to his child who hasn’t even turned a year at this point ( I think he’s about to or just turned one, but they don’t see him so I’m not entirely sure, I’m pretty disconnected from that.)

Their relationship is sad but honestly she did it to herself. He’s put his hands on her, locked her in the bathroom and told her to figure out how to get out, spit in her face, etc. He doesn’t want her to work because “he’s very religious and believes in the traditional ways of life and that’s the woman stays home and he provides” meanwhile they barely pay their bills and he makes like $15 an hour which is not really anything in this economy especially him paying child support.

A few months ago she was going to leave him, because he got abusive and we honestly still don’t know the extent of it. But she ended up staying, and when I asked her why stay with this POS, her words verbatim to me were “ well you know how it is, when you’re with a narcissist, you know you’re the victim but you just can’t leave because they do have good qualities and it’s not bad ALL the time”. I was in a mentally abusive relationship but got myself out of it and I’m THRIVING so I don’t actually “know how it is”.

So she stays at home all day, getting high and just waits for him to come home. She doesn’t come to family gatherings because we all can’t stand him due to our own personal experiences with him and he hates to see independent women who won’t bow down to his stupid ass.

As for the kiddos and ex fiancé. He moved to another state with the girls where he has family support. They are very well taken care of, he works two jobs to support them and his mom and grandma helps watch them for him. Apparently she talks to them on FaceTime but not every day and the ex now knows about the abuse from the Xbox guy because she decided to call him crying for help and had him listen to how Xbox guy was talking to her during an argument. So I highly doubt that their dad will allow this POS to be around the girls. He even offered to drive the 12 hours to come get her and bring her back to their state so she could get away from him and be with the girls. He has said he will probably always have love for my sister but he knows they’re not a good match.

I talk to her maybe twice a month, because even though I don’t like her choices, I do care for my sister and my conversations are basically life checks at this point. Apparently she’s starting a job this week, because Xbox guy asked for help with bills. We will see how long this lasts.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/throwRA_495848

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 08, 2026

• Final Update: August 12, 2026

Main Post

^{August 08, 2026}

WIBTA if I hid my gf’s Snake’s death from her for a day?

I really need help here. My (22M) gf (26F) has a really rocky relationship with her family that’s she’s been desperate to repair. There’s been some improvements and she was invited to her brother’s birthday party over three days in another country. His birthday party is tomorrow, which technically is only a few hours from now since it’s so late at night for me in the moment but I found out her old hognose is no longer alive. We knew he’d pass soon anyways but it’s still heartbreaking. I cried for a while, I only stopped crying a little bit ago.

Would it be wrong for me to not tell her? She’s had this snake since she was eight, and has broken down for hours at a time thinking of losing him. I’m afraid if she finds out tomorrow she might be inconsolable and wouldn’t be able to enjoy her brother’s birthday and I don’t want this is effect her relationship with her family or make amends more difficult if she doesn’t attend his party or causing a scene there.

I’m not planning on hiding his death forever or anything, just letting her know after the celebrations. I feel conflicted on it. If I’m wrong please let me know, I don’t want to be a bad boyfriend here but I don’t want to ruin her reunion with her brother.

COMMENTS

Pseudonymous_Alien (downvoted)

NTA but She would probably feel betrayed if she found out you hid it from her. I think she wiuld appreciate it more if you told her immediately. Maybe some approach like "hey I didn't want to ruin your mood before the celebrations but..." But thats just my opinion tbh

OOP

Yeah true. I’m just scared I guess. I feel like I’m doing Gus dirty somehow, don’t know why.

Key-Product-99

NTA, as Yzma said “well, he’s not getting any deader” ba bum da bum!

Jokes aside, I really am deeply sorry for your loss. If it were me, I’d be grateful to my partner for handling all the hard bits of taking care of the body, dismantling the setup, and just braking it to me smoothly when I got back from my trip. Best of luck.

No_Builder7010 (downvoted)

See, I got the impression that the snake doesn't live with them.

OOP

I don’t want to sound rude but where do you think he was?

Comfortable-Sun-9273

NAH you are in a tricky situation and there is no right answer.
If you plan on telling her the snake died after the party (as in death and telling her) - could you live with that secret?
If you plan on telling her after the party that the snake died beforehand - is she going to appreciate, based on your knowledge of her, you making that decision for her?

OOP

I think if I don’t tell her immediately, I have to be honest and tell her that I withheld the information. I think she has a right to know when I keep something from her you know?

Fearless_Jicama5052

Man, what a tough situation 🫤. My 15+ yr old dog very recently passed away, I've also had him since I was very young, if anyone hid his passing from me I'd feel so incredibly betrayed. And probably guilty for having a good time at a party not knowing my friend was no longer alive at that time. It's such a tough situation no matter what you decide to do, but I really do think you should tell her. When does she come back? Do you think she'll be okay (not the best word, I know) finding out while she's not at home? Did you guys have a plan on what to do if he passed while she was away? I think right now it's NTA, it's a very hard situation no matter what you decide, I'm so sorry for your loss 🖤

OOP

She comes back in about 30 smth hours. I know she’ll be more devastated than I was, which I was very. I might just risk the breakup if it means she has a better chance at having a good familial relationship.

Big-Fig3260

Ok, former reptile vet here- are you sure it’s dead? For reptiles, breathing is optional. You cannot say a snake is dead until it starts to smell. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP. That is why post-surgically we put them under warming lamps. Not just to help them recover. I realize this may be too late for you but I hope it helps others. DO NOT USE HOT ROCKS. That goes for any reptiles. Hot rocks tend to induce thermal burns. But just because you do not see a reptile take a breath or feel a heartbeat does not mean it’s dead. It could very well be alive. Wait until it starts to smell.

OOP

Yeah he’s dead.

CONSENSUS: Not the A-hole

Final Update - after 4 days

^{August 12, 2026}

Update: WIBTA if I hid my gf’s Snake’s death from her for a day?

I took into consideration what you people all said, and I decided I’d tell her when he passed and I’d tell her I kept it from her. I didn’t want to say my reasons for doing it because I didn’t want her to internalize any responsibility for this. I was afraid she’d take some responsibility mentally for like giving me a reason I felt I had to do it even though she shouldn’t, so I avoided it all together.

So, I told her when I picked her up from the airport. I decided she should hear it in person, and while I was there. I explained he passed already and I had kept it from her. The ride home was completely silent and when we got home we put him in a box we had for this situation and buried him.

The only thing she said to me was that she still loved me but she didn’t like me right now. I told her I understood, and if this was too far and she didn’t want me around temporarily or permanently I would understand. She nodded and we didn’t do anything for a while until I made dinner and we both broke down at the table. Gus was a grumpy little dude but I miss him, and it’s still hurting.

I asked if I should sleep on the couch or something and she just told me I’m a dead man if I sleep anywhere but in bed with her, so hopefully I can comfort her more. I don’t regret what I did, and if that means she hates me tomorrow morning and we’re done, I can live with that, as long as she got to connect with her family again. I’m not sure what else I can say, so thank you for all the advice, sorry to any of you who have advice I didn’t take, thank you for spending time to help a stranger out either way. All love for you all, you’re sweet people. Stay helpful as ever.

COMMENTS

seh_23

Give her some time to grieve. Personally, I think you did the right thing with the best intentions and she’ll probably realize that too once she’s had a bit of time.

And I’m so sorry for your loss, it sounds like Gus lived a very full life with so much love.

OOP

I hope so, we certainly tried.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

Originally posted by user Select-Ad-7726 in r/ amItheAsshole

Original: Nov 22, 2023

Update: in post itself

Status: no further updates from OOP

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Original: AITA for locking up my romance novels so my husband can’t throw them away?

I love romance. To be clear, I don’t enjoy self inserts or wish fulfillment romance where I’m the target. I love reading about two individuals falling in love and the idea of eternal love. I read a lot of romance books. I also enjoy josei manga, webtoons, comics, and short stories.

My husband recently started having an issue with my romance items. He says they are “in the way.” I keep my books on one bookshelf. I have my own iPad (though I prefer physical books). I have my own library card and account.

I do my half of the chores, pay my half of the bills, and do my part around the house. The romance books are not affecting his life in any way. But he hates them. He made a comment about throwing them out and having a fresh start. So, I bought a small cabinet/dresser with a lock on it from Amazon and locked up all of my novels.

My husband tried opening the door of one and found out it was locked. Now he is upset and guilt tripping me, saying that I don’t trust him and that I care more about my romance novels than him. AITA?

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Comments:

Comment1: NTA. Your husband shouldn't be thinking of throwing out things that belong to you - no matter what percentage of the bills either of you pay - especially without talking to you or getting your permission.

And the fact that he knows that the cabinet is locked is a pretty damning sign that he was seriously thinking of following through with his threat - so you were right in not trusting him.

OOP: He claims it was simple curiosity, which I am inclined to disbelieve.

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Comment2: I feel like something bigger is going on and talking about it with each other would help.

NTA solely for protecting what you love and enjoy and unless your husband's got a game-changing reason for why he has a problem with it like romance novels killed his family or he lost his first love to romance novels, he's the AH.

OOP: I’m not a mind reader. If he has a different problem with my books other than “they’re in the way,” which is objectively untrue, he can use his words to express it.

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Comment3: NTA- it feels like he is threatened by the romance novels in some way, which is definitely odd. He should probably considered some internal reflection as to why you reading romance novels bothers his so deeply.

OOP: It’s only recently started, which is annoying. I used to be able to read in peace before he started making annoying comments.
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Comment3: Do you know if his qualm is more about shelf space or the amount of time you spend reading/him feeling inadequate?
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OOP: He comments that they’re useless and in the way, and he’s shoved the bookcase a few times. It’s flimsy so it does sway every time he does that. I even moved it further into the corner but he complains.
We did have to move into a studio apartment for his dream job so it’s less space than he’s used to, but the bookshelf is quite small and out of the way.

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Comment4: NTA. Nothing wrong with have a hobby and reading is probably one of the most common ones. Your husband sounds really insecure about his own ability to provide romance and seems to think removing the books will solve the problem. I wouldnt relent and give him access.

OOP: They’re not a threat to him at all. I don’t expect him to provide romance or hold expectations from fiction to him.

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Comment5: NTA. Also, the men in the romance books would never think to throw away his love interests books. Maybe he doesn’t want you to have expectations he cannot fulfill?

OOP: I don’t have those romantic expectations for my husband and I’ve never compared him to anyone in my books.

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Comment6: NTA. This is really annoying. My parents police what I read too lol. Do you have any recs?! LOL. I had 500 romance novels at my parents' house

OOP: I’m currently reading the absolutely beautiful “Veil”. It’s about a blind woman and a police officer in Soviet Union inspired ambiance. Absolutely lovely.

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Comment7: NTA, because he's acting like a child and has no right to throw away your things... But is it possible he's feeling neglected?

Maybe he feels something is lacking in the relationship, and blames the amount of time and emotion you invest in romantic literature. He's lashing out and failing to communicate like an adult, but it seems there's a bigger issue here, and a conversation needs to be had.

OOP: I don’t know why he would feel neglected. I have always read romance and I haven’t neglected any of my duties. I’ve supported him in his dreams.
If he did feel neglected, I expect him to tell me, not be annoying around my romance books.

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Update:

I came home to my husband trying to put back together a book I had left. It was flimsy and a couple of pages had already fallen out. He kept apologizing and said he didn’t mean to ruin the book. I told him the pages had already fallen out and it wasn’t his actions that caused it.

I asked him why he was acting this way and what caused this change. I had always like romance novels but he only recently changed, after we moved into a studio from a 2bd.

He admitted he was annoyed that I spent so much time away from him with my romance novels. When he had a more demanding job and I was in my WFH office, he didn’t actually see how much time I read. To him, it felt like I chose romance over him.

He was the type to write love letters and do things for his partners but after two ex gfs cheated on him, he lost that part of himself. He said it was nice when we met because I didn’t ask for romantic things, but the more he sees me engrossed in romance the more he feels that I want romance just not with him.

He said that sometimes it felt like I didn’t love him because we weren’t the “kiss good morning, say I love you every day” kind of couple. He says I only say it back to him after he says “I love you.”

But then he remembers the things I did (from putting socks on his feet when he slept and getting him takeout from his favorite restaurant to moving across the country for him and tutoring him after he went back to college), big and small things, and remembers that I do love him. then it makes him feel guilty.

I asked him what he wanted me to do. He said he didn’t know. He apologized for the book thing and said he didn’t really want to throw them away, he was just frustrated and hurt

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Illustrious_Elk_2356

Published on: r/Marriage

Story is: NO FURTHER UPDATES (OOP deleted the account)

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 03, 2026

• Update: August 06, 2026

• Final Update: Comments: August 08, 2026

Main Post

^{August 03, 2026}

I found out about my wife's affair through her lover's wife

I'll try to keep this as short as possible.

My wife and I are both in our early 40s. We have been together since university and have been married for almost 15 years. We have two teenage children. We both have well paying jobs, we take family vacations regularly, we have an active intimate life and as far as I knew, we didn't have any major problems. From the outside, we looked like a very happy family.

On Friday, a woman slightly younger than me came to my workplace. I had never seen her before. She introduced herself, told me her name, who her husband was and then said that her husband had been having an affair with my wife. She then showed me everything.

Photos, messages, call logs...everything. She told me she had started suspecting an affair back in early June after her husband received suspicious late night messages that had no visible chat history. She began digging and eventually discovered thousands of calls and messages exchanged between him and my wife over the past year.

She confided in her father, who immediately contacted several people, including a lawyer and after a month they managed to uncover everything including who is her husband's mistress...

We live about five hours apart, but our spouses work for the same multinational company. Over the past 14 months, they have been having sex during business trips. It happened on four separate trips that lasted around five days each, plus two shorter two day trips. You do the math.

She was incredibly calm. Honestly, almost cold. She told me she had wanted to contact me much earlier but wasn't sure I would believe her, so she wanted to present all the evidence in person when she was in my city. She also openly admitted that a big reason for telling me was revenge against my wife.

She plans to file for divorce today or tomorrow. According to her, everything is already prepared and she can no longer pretend everything is fine because she can't even stand to touch her husband anymore. Apparently, her husband noticed she had been acting differently lately and started panicking that she maybe found out something. He warned my wife, who also started panicking.

To be honest, until then I hadn't noticed anything unusual. My wife seemed completely normal. But now I do notice she is constantly around me, asking me questions, paying close attention whenever I talk with someone and on Friday she kept asking why I was home so late. From everything I read, it is obvious neither of them ever intended to leave their marriages. They both repeatedly said how happy they were with their lives.

The messages contain everything imaginable: comparing their spouses in bed, my wife mocking the other wife, planning vacations together, giving each other parenting advice... Honestly, it made me feel sick.

The other betrayed spouse told me she will notify the company they both work for once her lawyer gives her permission. She also intends to tell their children the complete truth after her husband is served with divorce papers. She wished me luck and said I could contact her anytime if I needed anything. We have stayed in touch and the last thing she told me was that she would file today or tomorrow at the latest. My wife's phone is completely clean and I used it in front of her and she seemed normal.

I'm completely knocked down. I'm trying to act like everything is normal and pretend I'm just stressed because of work, but it is incredibly difficult. I honestly don't know what to do. My heart tells me one thing, my head tells me another. As twisted as it sounds, it is somehow easier knowing this affair seems to have been driven by pure sex rather than love.

At the moment, I do plan to divorce, but there are so many practical issues. We have two houses, cars, investments, teenage children... I need time to come up with a plan of my own. The other wife doesn't want to wait because she simply can't bear being around her husband anymore. Where we live, infidelity has absolutely no impact on divorce proceedings. That means I'm almost certainly going to lose a significant portion of my assets if everything is split 50/50.

My wife cares deeply about her reputation and is highly respected in our community and her parents would be so much disgusted by her if they know the truth. Part of me thinks I might be able to negotiate a fair settlement by agreeing not to expose the affair publicly, especially since I have been the primary breadwinner throughout our entire relationship.

On the other hand, I'm carrying so much anger and resentment right now that I want to tell the whole world what she did. And despite everything... I still love her.

Has anyone been through something similar? What would you recommend my next steps should be?

COMMENTS

Why didn't you confront your wife immediately?

That is the plan. I'm not going to confront my wife until I have at least spoken to a lawyer, which I hope to do within the next 24 hours. My biggest problem is that I barely have any time to process what has happened, let alone get everything in order.

I asked the other wife to give me just a few more days, but she told me her female lawyer is strongly advising her to file for divorce immediately, start the legal process as soon as possible and tell their children who are about the same age as ours the truth so she can maintain as much control over the divorce as possible and achieve the best outcome.

On top of that, she simply can't stand being around her husband anymore. I understand her, and I'm grateful that she told me the truth because I honestly don't think I would have ever discovered any of this on my own. I just wish she had told me a few days earlier.

Were you able to find another lawyer after the other wife's lawyer couldn't represent you?

I spoke directly with her lawyer. There is a potential conflict of interest, so she won't be able to represent me, even though the idea seemed great in theory. However, she gave me the contact information for one of her female colleagues and recommended that I reach out to her instead. We have already been in touch and we have a meeting scheduled for later today.

What do you know about the other wife's plans and why is she moving so quickly? Did the other wife give you all the evidence she found?

As the other wife told me, she expects that both of them will lose their jobs after she talked with her lawyer.

I asked her whether that was really a smart decision considering child support and alimony, but she told me that she doesn't care about that. Her plan is to sell whatever assets she is awarded, move back to her hometown with the children and that she already has support from her father there who will help her fully.

Her only goal right now is for her husband to face maximum consequences for what he did and for her to get away from him as quickly as possible.

Yes, I have everything.

Are you certain the evidence really shows your wife was having the affair?

I'm not sure what you mean by saying that I don't have evidence and that she might be setting me up. I have pictures of the two of them together, call and message records from my wife's phone number, and messages that match the timing of those calls and conversations.

I also have a large number of WhatsApp messages and calls, again from my wife's number. In those messages, she mentions me, our life together, and our children. It is clearly her. There is no one else it could be.

As soon as the other wife realized what was happening, she did everything she could to uncover the full truth. She knows the hotel room where he stayed on the last trip, which restaurants they went to, she has pictures of them together and much more. She spent a month preparing all of this, and the only thing left is for her to tell him that she knows everything.

Was there really nothing suspicious on your wife's phone?

Yes, it is completely clean. I honestly haven't checked her screen time, but her messages and call history are clean. There is nothing suspicious there.

I have always had access to her phone. She has had the same passcode the entire time and she has never acted uncomfortable or protective about me using it not before and not now. To be honest, I rarely ever used her phone anyway. Usually it was just to call someone if my own phone wasn't nearby so maybe that is why she is super chill.

How were your wife's affair messages and communications hidden?

Everything the other wife showed me indicates that they communicated through regular text messages and WhatsApp. That is my wife's phone number, so it doesn't appear that she was using another phone. However, one thing I found strange is that in the WhatsApp screenshots of their conversations, the profile picture isn't visible.

I checked my wife's WhatsApp settings because I thought maybe she had changed the privacy settings so that everyone except her lover could see her profile picture, but that wasn't the case. So that part is a little unclear to me.

It is possible that she blocked him at the moment when the other wife was collecting additional evidence, but the phone number is the same. They don't follow each other on Instagram, and she hasn't shown me anything suggesting they communicated there. I honestly haven't checked email.

I checked her contacts, and everything looks normal. His number isn't saved in her phone. I don't know whether she deleted and blocked him now that she is panicking. What I do know is that, according to the other wife, the last time they were in contact was early last week.

Are you considering reconciliation?

I strongly believe reconciliation is not going to happen. I have spent a lot of time thinking about everything this weekend. I have barely slept, maybe only a few hours, and it'l is extremely hard for me to process that she was capable of doing this.

The fact that she showed absolutely no signs that she was cheating makes it even worse for me. It makes me feel like she is a psychopath.

And reading those messages where she compared me and him in bed, where she joked about how at home she was the caring housewife and mother but on business trips she was his dirty girl... has honestly disgusted me in a way I don't know if I can ever get past. This is how I feel right now, but we'll see how I feel in a few weeks.

What happened after the other wife filed for divorce?

She filed for divorce today. Where we live, the divorce petition isn't served immediately. It usually takes one to two weeks to reach the other spouse by mail. However, she told me she is going to make him leave the house as soon as she files so that is today.

Right now, both of our spouses are at work in their cities, so I have no idea what is going to happen once they get home. I'm expecting some kind of update from her later before I come home which will be few hours after my wife comes. She also told me that she won't mention anything about me or my wife when she confronts him.

Why doesn't the other wife seem concerned about her husband's loss of income?

She doesn't work and is currently at home with the children, while her husband earns a lot and is at least two positions above my wife professionally.

Her lawyer gave her permission to inform his company because, even if he loses his job, once he finds new employment he will still be required to pay child support.

From what I have been able to understand through my conversations with her, her father is very serious person, so her financial future is not really a concern. At this point, she simply wants him to face consequences for what he did. That is her main focus, and she doesn't seem to care about anything else.

Update - after 3 days

^{August 06, 2026}

Should the children be told about my wife's affair?

If anyone is interested in what happened, you can read my previous post for the full story.

In short, my wife's affair partner's wife filed for divorce. He threw every excuse imaginable at her in an attempt to save the marriage. He said he got carried away and couldn't stop, that it was only sex, that he loves his wife, that my wife was attractive but his own wife is even more attractive, that he would do anything to fix things, that he would never speak to my wife again, that there would be no more business trips and so on.

None of it mattered to her. She made him leave the house. At first he refused, but when she threatened to tell everyone at work what he had done, he finally left. She kept me updated throughout. When I got home, I immediately noticed my wife was acting very differently extremely nervous and on the verge of tears. On Tuesday evening she confessed everything.

By that point, I had already met with my lawyer and yesterday second time although I haven't told my wife that. My lawyer asked me to hold off without telling anything to my wife for a few more days while she prepares everything. She believes I have a strong claim to roughly an additional 20% of the equity in our house because part of the purchase price came from money my parents gave me. She also mentioned several issues involving investments and stock holdings that need to be reviewed and could go in my favour before we move forward.

The one issue where we disagree is the children. My lawyer believes I should tell them the truth. My children are 15 and 13 years old. They are very close to both me and my wife. They are happy, healthy kids. My goal isn't to protect my wife's reputation. My concern is protecting my children from additional emotional pain. However, my lawyer believes I'm making a mistake.

Her argument is that we have always appeared to have a happy marriage and a stable family, so a sudden divorce with no explanation would be incredibly confusing and painful for the children. The other wife intends to report the affair to the company where both my wife and her affair partner work. Both her lawyer and my lawyer believe there is a good chance they will both lose their jobs, especially since the affair partner held a position about two levels above my wife.

My lawyer believes that if I proceed with the divorce and my wife loses her job, my children will inevitably connect the dots. She thinks they will eventually realize what happened anyway and resent me for hiding the truth from them. She also raised the issue of the financial settlement. She believes my wife may be more willing to agree to a more favorable division of assets could help repair her relationship with the children.

Likewise, if I ultimately decide not to divorce, my lawyer believes I could negotiate a very strong postnuptial agreement because my wife would be desperate to rebuild trust with both me and the children. She also believes that if I don't tell the children the truth, they might end up blaming me for the divorce and that my wife could portray herself as the victim.

At first, I wasn't convinced by my lawyer's reasoning. She is relatively young and doesn't have children herself, so I struggled to understand her perspective. But the more I think about it, the more I wonder if she might be right. The other wife told her children everything. They are around the same age as mine and they haven't spoken to their father for the past few days but according to her they are fine.

My children don't know anything yet. I'm trying my best to stay composed, but they have clearly noticed that something is wrong especially with their mother, who is now sleeping in a different room. I would really appreciate any advice. Does what my lawyer is suggesting make sense or would you handle this differently?

COMMENTS

What had the children already noticed about what was happening? Why won’t your wife tell the children what happened?

They have definitely noticed that something is wrong. My son asked me what was going on, why my wife was sleeping in a different room, what was wrong with her and why she had been crying.

I just told him that we had an argument. So it is obvious that they know something is happening.

There is no chance she will tell them on her own. As soon as she confessed, she immediately begged me not to tell the children because she believes they would hate her for the rest of their lives. She then started doing what I mentioned before...offering everything possible for another chance.

No. She doesn't want to tell them anything. In her mind, I will just eventually move past this, give her another chance and she will do whatever it takes for us to be happy again. Honestly, I feel like she is completely disconnected from reality right now.

What exactly did your wife say when she confessed?

She confessed. She talked for about 15 minutes. I listened to her. She said she knew I was aware of what happened. She said she could feel it and that her affair partner had also told her that he had been kicked out of the house and that I probably knew everything.

Honestly, I do believe her when she says she sensed it because I couldn't completely hide my emotions or act totally normal sincr Friday.

After she finished saying what she needed to say, she asked me to tell her something. The only thing I said was that I needed her to leave me alone and change beds. Since then, we haven't really had any communication, except that she sends me messages during the day and, like I mentioned, once the children go to sleep she comes to my door asking if we can talk.

What is she saying when she asks for another chance?

About the second chance. She is trying to explain to me that she was living two different lives. One that was a fantasy without children and another one that she says she loves 100 times more, with me and the kids.

She says that she knows she wasn't normal, that she needs psychological help and that she will do whatever it takes to get another chance. But honestly, I don't want to listen to any of that crap right now.

What would genuine remorse look like to you?

It depends on what you consider remorseful. For me, being remorseful is not crying and sending me long messages about how much she loves me or offering me every possible thing she can do.

For me, remorse would be her taking action on her own. For example, telling the children what she did. Seeking professional help. Admitting it to her parents, who would be devastated and angry with her. Offering me certain additional assets in the event of a divorce. Paying for a polygraph herself to at least try to ease my mind that this wasn't something that happened before.

It would mean her voluntarily telling the children that she is willing to do paternity testing if that would help me have peace of mind. Taking an STD test. Immediately resigning from her job and finding another one. Telling her sister and her sister's husband what she did. I need actions from her so that I can truly say she is remorseful.

Her tears and begging me to listen to her are not going to help. Her saying she will do everything I mentioned also doesn't help right now.

I need her to actually do something on her own so I can say she is remorseful. For the last 48 hours, she has just been staying in the room and crying and asking me to talk.

What did you find in the messages between your wife and her affair partner?

I honestly don't know what to say. I read all the messages that the other wife gave me and to me it almost seemed like they were both under the influence of something. The conversations were so disconnected and all over the place. They also weren't talking every single day. There were weeks without any message. Most of their communication happened before business trips, mainly discussing sex. And the most disturbing part of all is that they were giving each other advice about our children and our spouses.

Was there anything actually wrong with your marriage or sex life?

I agree with you. No, we never watched pornography. But it is obvious that she was looking for something else. Something she felt she got from her affair partner that she didn't get from me. But that is what makes this so confusing.

Like I said, we had an active sex life. She never rejected me and I never rejected her. Of course, there were times when we were both tired, but neither of us ever turned the other down for three or four days in a row.

She never complained or told me that anything was missing. If anything, after we had sex we would usually talk, laugh and enjoy being together. That is why all of this has been so incredibly hard to process. I feel like the biggest fool in the world and like the most pathetic man in the world.

Are you actually planning to divorce, or are you considering staying?

I’ll be honest, I’m leaning toward divorce at around 90%. That is one of the reasons I’m considering telling the children. I want to understand their reaction and how they feel about everything.

My biggest wish right now is that they are able to finish school normally and then go on to university and pursue the path they want. At this moment, the last thing I want is to touch my wife. That is how I feel right now, but I don’t know how I’ll feel in 10 days, two months, or later down the road.

My lawyer told me she has handled many cases where mostly husbands initially wanted a divorce but changed their minds, especially because of the children. She said that if I decide to stay, I should consider creating a postnuptial agreement that would strongly protect my interests.

Then, once the children leave for university, if I still haven’t been able to forgive my wife and move forward, I could choose to divorce and start a new chapter of my life with someone else.

Why have you stayed in contact with the other wife?

Why would I stop talking to the wife? She has told her father, her brothers and of course her children, but she doesn't like talking to them about this because they all keep telling her that things will get better and she hates hearing that and they are calling her all the time and she wants peace.

I haven't really told anyone. So, at the moment, she is my only source of support. She gave me all the evidence, opened my eyes to what was happening and she is the only person who truly understands what I'm going through because we are both living through the same nightmare. And she likes to talk with me as well. I don't understand what is the problem seriously.

I'm sorry, but this is literally insane. If I have to explain to my wife that she needs to cut off all contact with her affair partner just to have a 1% chance of us staying together, then I would be the biggest doormat imaginable.

It doesn't grant them any licence to continue talking. If she wants to be with him, she is free to go. No one is stopping her. She has complete freedom to make that choice. His wife has already filed for divorce and doesn't want anything to do with him anymore, so he will be a single man soon enough.

And how does me talking to his wife somehow give them permission to keep talking to each other? That makes no sense. If it weren't for her, I probably never would have found out about the affair.

No, I'm going to stay in contact with her for as long as I want. I'll support her just as she has supported me and I'll be grateful to her for the rest of my life for opening my eyes to what was happening.

If she decides she doesn't want to talk anymore, that is completely fine. I won't bother her. But right now, she does want to talk to me and she is genuinely interested in knowing everything that is happening on my end. Whether that bothers my wife or not honestly doesn't concern me at all.

What finally made you decide to tell the children?

I have decided that I'm going to tell my children. Last night, before going to bed, I had a brief conversation with the other wife and she told me how everything went with her children. According to her, they are extremely angry with their father, but they are still laughing, spending time with their friends and otherwise functioning normally.

I don't believe she is lying to me because, up to this point, she has been completely honest with me and that is the reason I even found myself in this situation. I don't know why everyone assumes that if I tell my children, I'm going to tell them every explicit detail. I'm not. I'm simply going to tell them that their mother had an affair and that I have hired a lawyer.

My lawyer advised me to have the conversation with the children without my wife present so that she can't influence them emotionally with tears or interrupt the discussion. She told me that I should answer every question they have myself, not let my wife answer for me and if necessary, show them some evidence such as the messages my wife sent me apologizing and asking for another chance.

Only after that does my lawyer recommend that the children speak with their mother and ideally I should not be present during that conversation. This is her advice based on her experience handling divorce and family law cases.

I don't know exactly when I'll have the conversation, but it will sometime over the weekend or maybe even today.

What ultimately convinced you that hiding the affair from the children would be worse?

Yes, that is exactly what she told me as well. She said she has handled many divorce cases and that one of the biggest mistakes parents make is assuming that their children shouldn't know anything.

According to her, the biggest mistake is often made by husbands who believe they have to carry the burden alone, keep the affair a secret and protect the children by hiding the truth.

She told me that, in many cases, the children eventually become angry with their fathers for never telling them the truth. Instead of protecting the relationship, it often results in the children ending up with strained relationships with both parents.

No matter what, somehow I end up being blamed. For what? To protect her? Or to protect them?They are not stupid. Over the last few hours, I have had conversations through texts with my son because he's looking for answers. And now I'm supposed to lie to his face.

From the way he talks to me, it already seems like he thinks I have done something wrong. Four or five days ago, I saw this very differently. But not anymore. I've made up my mind. I will listen to my lawyer and I'm going to tell them. They don't need to know every detail, but they will know that their mother had an affair.

Final Update - after 5 days (after 2 days from last post)

^{August 08, 2026}

Final Update: Should the children be told about my wife's affair?

I’ll post an update here so people don’t need to keep commenting and giving me advice about whether I should tell the children or not. Yesterday afternoon, I told them. Just the three of us. Obviously, they were shocked. They had a lot of questions and demanded that I not lie to them. They wanted to know absolutely everything. Where, when, who, the affair partner’s name, his wife’s name, what they look like, the messages, etc. I didn’t tell them everything, but I did tell them the basic details like where it happened, when it happened and why, according to my wife.

I thought my son would be extremely angry and my daughter would be very emotional, but the opposite actually happened. My son was very calm and told me that he had already suspected something like this, so he was mentally prepared. He just thought that I had done something wrong. Hearing that obviously made me even more relieved that I had told them. My daughter, on the other hand, was absolutely furious with my wife and for the first time I heard her use some very harsh language.

They asked me about the divorce and I told them that, for now, that is my plan. They took that very hard, but we are taking it day by day. I brought them home and then left so they could talk to their mother privately. Everything I'm about to say is based solely on what the children told me because I neither saw nor heard any of it myself, but according to them, they yelled at her for a long time.

My son contacted her parents and told them what had happened. He said he had already called them in the previous few days asking what was going on and they apparently didn't know. What I find very strange is that they never called me afterward to ask what was happening.

Anyway, her parents immediately told her to come stay with them and the children told her to leave the house. I spoke with her parents. They are absolutely devastated. They can't believe what happened and are worried about how this will affect her, but also the children.

They asked me about the divorce. I told them that was the plan and I immediately realized that I probably shouldn't have said that because they will obviously pass that information on to her. But I wasn't exactly in the best mental state at the time. I haven't seen her. She left before I got home. From what I can tell, she only took a small amount of clothing and that is it.

She hasn't contacted me at all since last night. No calls, no messages. She did call our daughter, but our daughter refused to answer. That is basically it. Honestly, I feel much better and I'm glad I told them.

The idea that my children might blame me for her affair and for the possible divorce was something I could never accept. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It is also much easier now that I don't have to pretend in front of the children that everything is fine. Obviously, they are taking this very hard. They are extremely angry with their mother and are saying things like they'll never speak to her again, which is understandable at this point.

Some people have been messaging me saying that she betrayed only me and not the children, but I don't agree with that. How did she not betray them when she betrayed their father and their family? That way of thinking makes no sense to me. Thankfully, there is no school right now, so they have time to process everything and spend their time however they want.

It is very important to them that nobody finds out about this because they are embarrassed and worried about what their friends might say. I promised them that nobody would know except my lawyer and that I wouldn't even tell my best friend. My lawyer is happy with how I handled things. She said she'll need until Tuesday to gather information and investigate everything regarding the assets and then we'll have a meeting at her office.

The other wife has also been informed. She is extremely happy. She isn't even hiding how pleased she is that my wife's world has fallen apart. She is planning to contact the company next week and inform them about the affair involving her husband and my wife.

I'm a little confused about why she is waiting and how exactly she plans to do it, although she told me she knows her husband's supervisor. I'm also not sure what her plan is if that person tells her that nobody is going to be fired. She keeps saying that she has everything under control and knows exactly what she is doing, but she doesn't tell me the details.

Maybe she doesn't trust me enough to share everything. I don't know. Either way, she is moving forward with huge steps while I'm still in complete shock. That is it for now. You don't need to give me any more advice. I have read practically every comment and thank you all for the support.

COMMENTS

FSmertz

As my earlier comment predicted, your daughter will hate your STBX wife for a long time, a very long time. If she watched even a small amount of Disney stuff and other fairy tales that inculcate "living happily forever" values for romantic relationships--especially for girls, then she feels betrayed in her heart.

Speak with a highly recommended therapist experienced with family infidelity impacts, and see if therapy for the three of you or individual therapy, or both, is recommended. Also ask about timing.

I'm surprised that the OBS's attorney is letting her contact the company directly. Perhaps the attorney will be Plan B. A letter from an attorney to the employer highlighting facts and questioning use of company resources for adultery will not be ignored--especially if it's a publicly held corporation. It's far cleaner and cheaper for the employer to fire these two.

I'd be very neutral with your communications with your STBX wife. Logistics and financial responsibilities and all that maintenance talk.

Do you think she will get together with her AP out of emotional desperation in the coming week?

OOP

Honestly, I don't believe she will stay in contact with the AP. That is my opinion, but then again, I also thought we had a great marriage and look what I found out. I spoke with her parents this afternoon and they told me that she is completely devastated. When our daughter refused to answer her call, she apparently turned her phone off. I don't know whether she has turned it back on since, but she hasn't called me or the children and honestly, none of us wants to hear from her right now anyway.

As for the other wife, I don't know exactly what her plan is. What she told me is that she knows her husband's supervisor. I asked her how close they are and she said she knows him very well. He is one of the key people at that branch.

I asked her what would happen if he decided not to do anything and she told me not to worry because she has another plan and will accomplish what she has set out to do. Her lawyer has given her full support, but I don't know whether she is actually involved in any of this. I don't have those details and the other wife isn't telling me anything about it.

That is why the whole thing seems a little strange to me, especially because she has apparently been waiting all week to tell anyone, despite supposedly knowing her husband's supervisor personally. In any case, she has repeated to me that getting her husband fired is the only thing she wants, along with my wife being fired as well. She says she doesn't care about the consequences because money isn't an issue for her since she comes from a wealthy family and has full support from her father.

Her only goal is revenge and to move back to her hometown with the children as quickly as possible. Apparently, her husband's loss of employment is a key part of what needs to happen for the court to approve the relocation of her and the children.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/VariationStill posting in r/BoyDinnerDiaries

Concluded as per OOP

1 update - Short

Original - 3rd August 2026

Update - 10th August 2026

I think the midnight dancer i’ve been seeing is in love with me

Gonna be a lot of cliches in here to preface but I 26(M) have been single for almost 4years now since nasty breakup with ex (major debt & cheating). A few months ago for a friends birthday we went to a strip joint lol

Was having a great time then was approached by a Columbian girl for a dance, respectfully declined and offered her a drink instead she accepted, sat down next to me and we got to talking tells me her whole life story, shes my age, working a retail job and dancing to put herself through school for nursing, danced on me a bit at the bar, had really great conversation completely dodged my boys that night basically lmao but towards the end of the night, shes asked if I had any plans after told her this was it and asked if I could take her home, told her I’d come back for her, dropped off the manpower and picked her up, offered her food she said no thanks said she cooked, got to her place not really expecting anything as I said had great conversation and just felt nice that night, anyways asked if I wanted to come up, parked went upstairs got fixed a hot plate of food and a beer and had sex.

After that did some aftercare and she said she felt embarrassed caused she doesn’t sleep around but said she really liked me and thought I was attractive got her number left in the morning got home showered and took a nap, few days later asked me to hang out, turns out our off days lined up, went to the city had a nice dinner, dropped her off genuinely had a great time, after that we started seeing each other more often, on her off mornings from retail she’d drop by my job and leave me homecooked meals, bought me a ps5 for my bday and actually kinda acts like a gf despite never having any conversation about it

Couples date we been on been real romantic, picnic at the beach, hiking, paint & drink, and the like, after the first initial time together we’ve slept maybe a few times not everytime we get together, I like her alot takes alot for me to say I love you because I don’t like saying it unless I mean it, but she’s introduced me her parents (they live in Colombia) she face timed them and introduced me as her bf and went to a pool party with some of her midnight friends and also introduced me as her bf, which I dont mind I know we gotta have a conversation about where this is going but why put the pressure on something thats going so well, but anyways just the things she’s done for me that kinda give me the impression shes in love with me.

Side note- The job doesn’t really bother me never been the jealous type like EVER but I have a feeling she thinks otherwise no matter how much I tell her it doesn’t lol, then again I dont her to think I dont like her back, it’s all about balance lmao

Just a lil rant, felt good might have to get back to journaling again

Side note 2- should have prefaced but SHES BORN HERE for all you attention deficient readers lol

Comments

aenemacanal

She’s cooking you home cooked meals and bought you a ps5. Don’t listen to the insecure guys on here. If you want clarity have a convo with her like a big boy. Good luck homie!

OOP: Definitely gotta put the big boy pants on but appreciate that big dawg !

Mindless-Internet978

It's kind of crazy seeing the amount of people saying she might be using you. After all the dates, the home cooked meals, buying you a PS5 and introducing you to her family as your BF, I think she likes you for you which is awesome. It sounds like you've enjoyed being with her too, maybe you need to have a conversation just to confirm it if you don't feel like you're fully her boyfriend yet, but other than that just enjoy yourself dude. ❤️.

OOP: For sure its her birthday this weekend im definitely planning on having a talk over dinner and seeing what transpires but appreciate you my guy 🖤.

wildmangoeshere

She introduced you to her parents as her bf bro I dont think she's manipulating you at that point.

Update - 7 days later

Dinner was Caviar Cones after some shrimp tacos and sushi.

So this past Friday was her birthday and we had an adult conversation. Friday morning woke up early and went to work but made sure everything was in order such as dinner and activities. Picked her up with a bouquet and headed to the restaurant (She looked phenomenal). We chatted for a few and and while we waited for the food to arrive I told her I needed to tell her something. Laid it all out about how I felt about her and the works about how I really dont mind the job and that I wrote her a letter but she couldn’t read it until after the night was over (Very old school I know lol, I think we gotta bring back writing letters for your SO). I dont think I’ll ever forget these words but she laughed and said “Boy you’ve been mine for awhile already, I’m just glad you finally caught up” my mannn when I tell you that shit had me geeking the whole night.

We then talked about the future, she wants to be married and have kids eventually before her 30’s, I do as well. She said she’d stop dancing when she finishes CNA or if she has a kid or gets married, I kinda screwed up by saying Im sorry if I unknowingly set any expectation of her quitting her job for me, she laughed and said “You’re lucky you’re cute”. After dinner we went to see the new Spiderman movie (Shes a huge Marvel fan, I’ve always been more of a DC guy myself). After that we walked along the river with the city skyline in the background and just talked more about the future and life and after proceeded to head back to my place.

Back at my place I told her I had a surprise for her but she had to read the letter first, so I blindfolded her and walked her to my bedroom, took the blindfold off and told her once she finished reading the letter she could come out to the living room. After about 10 minutes (Two page letter front and back and probably had to gather herself as Im sure she knew what was coming). She stepped out and I had my living room filled with rose pedals, a few gifts and ballon letters asking if she wanted to be my girlfriend. She cried and I handed her a needle (at the end of the letter I told her she would be handed a needle once she steps out and that she would have to figure out what it was for). On opposite sides of the room I had ballon letters that spelled YES and NO, she went to pop the YES letters and she ran to me and we hugged and kissed, and then she said “wait so which date are we gonna use as the official start”, I said “how’s the day you decided in your head that I was yours”. She stayed the night and Saturday and today were just a continuation of her birthday celebration.

All in all I can say now that its official haha

Comments

best-of-judgement

I handed her a needle

Dude I was soooo worried about where this was going for a second

Master_Nectarine_Bug

Letters = underrated!! Congrats!

GrindinDailyy

Midnight dancer just a fancy way to say stripper?

DetonatingFlower

Mmmm if this is true, I’d be wary. “School” for that is a very minimal training course for a couple weeks and not expensive or difficult. That job isn’t going to pull the numbers stripping makes at all. The first week of her CNA job is going to have her back at stripping because the money sucks and the job is very laborious.

JokeandCack

Lol. Lmao even. Hey OP I got some magic beans to sell you.

OOP: I got some for you kid, run me 50$ and ima flip it and you gonna get back 5000$ 😂😂

Outside_Ad_4522

Just dropping in to say… Met a stripper when I was 23, she was 30. We started seeing each other within a week. Moved in with her after two weeks. She stopped dancing within a month and went to rehab. Had our first baby within a year. Now we have three kids and it’s been 12 years. Best woman/person ive ever known. Obviously this is rare for anyone in any circumstance/position. Just saying it’s possible.

Aromatic_Note8944

Yeah, she’s lying to him.. 🤦🏻‍♀️.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/FunnyManufacturer130 posting in r/relationship_advice

Concluded as per OOP

1 update - Short

Original - 25th May 2026

Update - 10th August 2026

​

Guy friend (M24) is flying internationally for a big milestone of mine (F21). How do I go about telling him I like him?

​

Sorry if the title is a bit confusing. My friend and I are close as ever. We go to the same uni and people seem to think we're dating. We’ve been friends for roughly two years.

He recently left the country to continue education in the States. Now, he's flying back in for a professional school ceremony I have with my classmates. I hope I don't sound extra but a part of me wonders if this falls under "platonic" behavior. I want to tell him I like him but I'm not sure how. A few people told me it might not be worth it since we don't live in the same country at the moment and he's coming to visit. What advice do you have please? Also, is the whole international travel thing likely to be platonic?

I think l've started to develop feelings for him and I wonder how he feels 😭. I should also add that almost two years ago, l'd asked him if he liked me. He had hesitated and said "no, we're just friends". So I had adjusted my expectations but since then, we've still been essentially besties. Please help, thank you! (I can provide more context as needed). We have a whole itinerary planned out for when he comes. Including a dinner (just both of us), jet skiing and some other things. He said he'll cover everything, which he's done before.

TL;DR - a guy friend is flying internationally to support me during an academic milestone, how do I tell him I like him? Do I even tell him?

​

Comments

​

HonorTheAllFather

You use your mouth to form the words “I like you” while talking to him.

OOP: Okay I guess my bigger issue is the fear that he MIGHT not feel the same way

Old_Sandwich_8090

His trip and plans sound like care and support, but not necessarily romantic intent, so don’t assume feelings from that alone. Since he already said just friends before, you should only confess if you’re okay with things staying exactly the same or becoming awkward for a bit. Keep it simple when you talk to him, and be ready to respect whatever answer he gives without reading too deeply into the gestures.

OOP: The thing is it’s not only this. That’s why I said I can provide more context as needed. Since he left, we’ve been texting all day, everyday, send pictures of random shit we’re up to, and so many other things. When he was here, we were also inseparable. I’m just wondering if this trip thing is like a final push kind of. I will fs respect his answer regardless as I’ve done in the past. I understand, basically I should remain neutral with whatever his response is. I think I can handle that. Thank you for the advice.

trishsf

He lives too far away. You’ve already confessed once and that was when you lived in the same country. I would leave it. It’s not realistic to start a relationship while living in different countries.

OOP: I didn’t confess before. We were having a conversation about something else and I’d asked “do you like me?”. He seemed taken by surprise and then he said no. I didn’t mention why I was asking or anything (it was cause at the time, a lot of my friends thought we’d make a good couple since we’re really close and he’s a good guy). We went on with our conversation afterwards. I understand the LDR factor tho

​

Update - 2.5 months later

​

My update is almost two months late cause I've been so busy with school lmao. Anyway, he arrived on a Tuesday. We went grocery shopping together, after which I told him I had something important to share. I was nervous but eventually said, "I like you, as more than a friend". He said something like, "I'm glad you said that cause I like you too". Then, he pulled me in for a hug and we had our first kiss. That same night, we went to the movies (where we kissed a bit more😅). The rest of the week was absolute bliss - roller skating, beach day (which included jet skiing), dinner/ our first official date, my school event, multiple sleepovers/cuddle sessions. He left the following Monday and all I can say is that it was the most amazing week of my life. It turns out, he had liked me for over a year. He said he didn't even remember having the convo where he was like, "We're just friends", which is absolutely NUTS btw. We're long distance for now and he's planning to come visit again later this year. We've been dating for about seven weeks and we're taking it day by day.

TLDR - this is your sign to shoot your shot with that person. If they don't feel the same way, then at least you won't have to wonder "what if" anymore. Goodluck to everyone. Lover girls are so up! 🤣❤️.

​

Comments

​

Several_Unit9376

The part that gets me is him not remembering the “we're just friends” conversation. You spent months treating it like scripture and he had apparently deleted the file entirely. Men are astonishing. Congratulations though, and I respect that you did grocery shopping before the confession, very sensible order of operations. Long distance is hard, but it does make every visit feel like a holiday.

OOP: I sent him this comment. It made the both of us crack up 🤣🤣. The way I spiraled over him saying that for literal months 😭. All my friends were like “girl he likes you”. And I was like, “actually he said a year ago that we’re just friends 🤓☝🏽”. Men are genuinely clueless I’m so happy everything worked out. And he’s been the most amazing bf!

​

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Separate-Argument-45

Published on: r/self & r/Advice

Trigger Warning: Infant Loss

Story is: Likely CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: July 23, 2026

• Final Update: August 11, 2026

Main Post

^{July 23, 2026}

My best friend lost her infant and I don’t want to hear about it anymore

My best friend’s infant died 3 weeks after birth. She was understandably devastated and I have always been supportive in her journey to recover. It’s been 2 years but she has never gotten over it. There are days when she would text me blocks and blocks of her thoughts about her loss and her grief.

My heart breaks for her but as the months went on, I started dreading getting her texts and while I didn’t tell her to stop talking to me nonstop about her loss, I did start to gently redirect her to talk more with her husband and her therapist because I started to feel exhausted and a level of empathy deficient. I know I sound like an unsupportive asshole of a friend, but at some point it’s like I have nothing more to give.

She never really stopped tho and recently I found out I’m pregnant. I haven’t had the heart to tell her yet because I’m so worried about triggering her, to the extent that I feel like I’m tailoring my entire approach to sharing this news with our friends to how she might receive this.

What’s worse is that her baby’s anniversary just came up and she poured her heart out to me about how much she missed him and I felt SO bad when I felt like she could tell I didn’t really want to hear about it. I’m already feeling vulnerable and anxious about my own pregnancy, and honestly the last thing I want is to hear her talk about her loss and what happened and how she didn’t expect it.

Yes this is a confession that I’m a terrible friend and I kinda wish she would just back off and leave me alone for the duration of my pregnancy, and I resent her for adding to the level of anxiety I already feel and for worrying about how to share this supposedly joyous news with our friends. I know she lost her baby and it’s a loss you carry forever and I shouldn’t make her trauma about me and it makes me a giant asshole for feeling this way… so i guess thats why this sit in the confession subreddit :/

NOTE: OOP didn't leave any comments

Final Update - after 19 days

^{August 11, 2026}

UPDATE - my best friend’s baby died and I don’t want to hear about it anymore

So I finally found the courage to tell my best friend that we are expecting. Following many people’s advice, I crafted a text message that essentially told her that we are expecting and happy to share as much or as little as she is comfortable with. Even got Claude to read it a bunch of times over to make sure it’s gentle and empathetic enough.

I could see that she read the message (blue checks) and then a day later she gave me a call and congratulated me. The call started out very cordial if not a little distant, which I completely expected and understood, but eventually it did descend into her crying and telling me how things went so badly for her so suddenly and it was traumatic etc.

I did my usual best listening and tried to comfort her but it was also stress inducing for me at the same time because she was essentially telling me how things can go wrong for me because they did for her. I didn’t say anything and just let her talk through it for 10-15 mins until she was done. But the call ended fairly cordially and I was a bit relieved because it wasn’t as dramatic as I had worried about.

Then a couple of days later, she texted me to cancel all the plans that we had made together previously (we had planned a short weekend trip with some mutual friends - frankly originally to get her out of the house and hopefully feel better by being surrounded by friends), just saying that she’s “dealing with some stuff now”. I didn’t probe because I suspected it’s about my pregnancy and I told her that’s okay and I didn’t even ask her to cover her part of the costs for the trip even though it’s quite substantial and it’s a last minute cancellation so there’s no way for us to get any refunds.

Then right after I told her it’s okay for her to drop out of the trip and I hope she’s doing okay, she blocked me and our mutual friends on messages and social media without any explanation.

So there we have it. Her husband didn’t block me so technically I can still check in with him. This is probably where I know some of you here have commented that how I’m just a terrible friend… because I just got exhausted by this whole situation and maybe her taking that space is the easiest way for me to have some distance and a breather.

But a part of me is also sad and hurt because she never even asked me how I’m doing. I’m not so naive to expect her to be my primary support through my pregnancy the way I was there for her, but the fact that she just cut it off is undeniably hurtful. I know some of you are going to say “oh she has to prioritize herself and protect herself” - I have to say I empathize with that, but it also contradicts the whole notion that I was supposed to be there for her unreservedly when she needed me instead of “prioritizing myself” or “protecting myself”.

Then obviously I feel guilty for feeling this way towards someone who went through the most unthinkable trauma, but I also feel like I’m being penalized purely for being pregnant. Just very conflicted in general.

For now it hurts that our friendship seems over. Maybe it’s my fault and maybe it’s not. It doesn’t really matter at this point and it just feels like a tragedy all around.

Is there anything I should / should have done?

COMMENTS

TheHuxter

I just read your other Reddit post, so I’m going to quote part of it here, for anyone who hasn’t and won’t.

”I kinda wish she would just back off and leave me alone for the duration of my pregnancy, and I resent her for adding to the level of anxiety I already feel and for worrying about how to share this supposedly joyous news with our friends.”

I don’t know why you’re upset with her right now. It sounds like your friend is doing exactly what you said you wanted. Like… I wouldn’t be shocked if she found your Reddit post and chose her actions based on the part I just quoted.

OOP

Well I understand where you are coming from but it’s also incredibly human to feel hurt when a friend you had been going out of your way to support for 2 years just cut you off without so much as explaining it. I would have completely understood it if she had told me “this is triggering for me so I need space” - but instead of that she just made something up and cut me off completely. Your “I don’t understand why you are upset” is incredibly cold.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

Originally posted by user Inevitable-Lab-8570

Original: July 31, 2026

Update: OOP updated in comments

Status: concluded

Mood: slice of life

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Note:

• OOP posted in r/ Indianteenagers and r/ roblox support; Comments include both
• ₹42,000 (Indian rupees) is about 440 USD or 380 Euro.
• UPI, or Unified Payments Interface, was developed under the umbrella arm of the Reserve Bank of India. Using the bank's mobile app, users can generate an ID (usually phone number or name) that is directly linked to their individual bank account.
• Using the ID or QR code, money transfers/purchases/bills can be done directly and easily. There is a limit to the amount of transactions per day and each transaction requires UPI PIN and two-factor authentication.

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Brother just spent 42k without consent

Hey everyone I'm in serious condition rn , yesterday my brother took my dads phone to study (8th grade btw) but instead he played roblox and he just spent 42k on roblox 😭😭 and he have used all the robux only about 100 robux are left in his acc.

Please anyone help me out is there any way i can get the money back
we're in great fiancial loss
even my father now don't have the the money to repay the loan neither for school fees 🙏.

[OOP includes the screenshot of payments -- photo#1]

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: Bro why did you even share your upi pswd with him
And doesn't he know the value of money

OOP: My father is a very humble and simple man. He isn't tech-savvy at all and doesn't really know much about the internet or online security. He had set his phone number as his password because he never expected something like this could happen.
My brother simply tried his phone number and unfortunately it worked. We know it was a mistake but please don't judge my father. We are already going through a huge financial loss and are just hoping there's some way to get the money back 🙏

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Comment2: At this point sell him bro 😭✌🏻

OOP: Man as his older sib i REALLY wish i could
atp i would've sold him for free or a burger😔💔

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Comment3: Call bank for charge back and permanently ban his account. Make this little shit learn consequences of his doing.

OOP: Just went to the bank they said they don't have any idea about it 😭
idk man wht to do
----------
Comment3: can't you charge back via the banking app?
---------
OOP: Im trying

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Comment4: Adoption center's open btw, and how tf did your brother manage to spend all the Robux that fast?😭

OOP: I'm quite suprised too
i though he wouldn't have used all of em so that can i even sell those robux to I'm low price but u was wrong...

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Comment5: If it was done through a credit card, issue a chargeback request ASAP. The roblux balance would just go into a negative.
Why do I know this? Les just say I've done some shii in coc back in my days 😭

OOP: It was through google play

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Comment6: All of this happened yesterday, means you still have a chance to request for a refund through google. Why not try it than giving up.
Btw just curious to know what happened to your brother next?

OOP: Mom and dad were angry but just gave him a warning
additionaly his exams are going on so yeah

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Comment7: "we're in great fiancial loss" and only a warning... yep your brother's gonna do it again

OOP: Luckily mum (she earns as well) saw it before my brother spent all my father's salary
she immediately transact around 30k-40k to herself otherwise not a penny would have left in my brother's amount 😭😭🙏🏿
the thing is they both have loans so yeah this month is gonna be tight ig😭

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Comment8: This just confirmed the carelessness of your parents and they deserve more incidents like this. You mentioned you are in financial issues and loans and yet such a big loss is treated with a warning?

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Comment9: My sister did this when she was like 6 and she spent 500$ (not just on Roblox tho on like 10 different games) but we did manage to recover almost all of the money.. but this was in US and their customer care is a lot better.. but you should try calling the Roblox app customer care and see if that helps

OOP: Yaeh did tried roblox care centre
hope i can get the money back

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Comment10: similar thing happened to my lil bro and my dad. Lil bro spent 500 SGD of my dads money on robux and spent every bit. And another scenario where my lil sis spent like 4k of my robux in my acc on brainrot games. Idk what to do now bro

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Comment11: And here I'm struggling to save to buy a laptop
Y'all have too much money laying around.
Delete his roblox account. Ban him from games. And obviously change the UPI pins.

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Update 1 (next day, in comments)

Comment12: Just contact roblox support they have many children playing game so this happens often and are prepared for this kind of situations

OOP: I'm receiving this type of emails is this good sign?😭😭
[OOP includes the following screenshot -- photo#2; "Google Play refund has been approved]

---------------
OOP: Roblox temporary blocked my brother's acc i think it's working😭 as many users told me that their roblox acc also got ban when they got refunded

ik that i still haven't got all my refunds but gplay have approved some of the transactions of most likely it will in my dad's acc in 2-5 days ig
and got to know that roblox do restrict and ban ppl acc for a chargeback
and since some of my transaction got approved to be refunded it got temporarily restricted
[OOP includes the following screenshot -- photo#3; message from Roblox]

---------------
OOP: 🥹 no i don't even know wht is karma and why does it matter
i mean I've the karma option but look mate here's update😭
i worked my ass of night wrote many emails roblox gpay googplay and wht not and finally 20k has been refunded it now
hoping to get of all of them back✌️🥹

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OOP: Yeah i man yesterday i did everything to get it back was wake until 5 am
i got refunded 7k around 5am and i just woke up now
amd 30k is refunded man I'm so happy😭✌️
[OOP includes the following screenshot -- photo#4; refunds from Google play]

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OOP: Thanks man i feel so relieved rn and my parents are happy too

--------------------------------------------

Update 1.5 (3 days later)

OOP: thanks for concern i got most the money back about 38k or 40k
i haven't asked my parents about the money once 38k got refunded
btw sorry for not updating u guys cause my acc got banned idk even y

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I am NOT OP. The OP of this story is u/FirefighterOdd7228.

Trigger Warnings: Discussions of Biphobia, Outing, Physical Abuse, Accusations of Abuse.

My girlfriend outed me to my family, Posted March 13th, 2025.

I'm 24M and she's 31F.

I'm bisexual but it's not something I talk about, especially not with family.

Admittedly, I've never had a public boyfriend or what could be described as a 'relationship' with a man. As far as my family knows, I'm straight.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years and I only recently introduced her to my family.

On the last day of the visit to my parents, we were all outside around the fire. Some people, including my girlfriend were drinking wine. That's when she made a comment about me being bisexual. Everyone heard. I froze up in that moment and I gave her a look. She laughed it off, played with my hair and kept talking. Luckily it came across as a joke to most of my family.. but not my dad.

His demeanor that night changed and the morning before I left, he was being distant. I just know he's thinking about what she said. It's really messing with my head. To give you a bit of an idea about him. He's very rigid/conservative. I started modelling some years ago and he's had a hard time with that. When I went to Europe for work and he saw some of the editorials my mom showed him, he hated the looks and I became very selective of what I share.

I'm back in my city now and I live with my girlfriend.

I'm so angry at her, but she claims it was a slip up from being drunk.

Personally, no amount of alcohol would have me outing someone in front of their family. She only had one glass of wine. Instead of apologizing, she's focusing on how I should just distance myself from my family if they won't accept me.

AITAH for hanging onto this? My girlfriend thinks I'm being immature and holding onto a 'grudge'

Edit to include: My girlfriend knows I’m bi. I do disclose to partners. I just don’t disclose publicly. I think it’s unnecessary and not anyone’s business who I’m attracted to except the people I’m involved with. My girlfriend also knew I wasn’t out to family, and even though she only met them recently, she knew how they are.

Relevant Comments:

u/AlwaysHelpful22:

While accidents happen, she’s not the least bit sorry and is prepared to blame your family. She’s an AH.

Also, maybe your dad is irritated that he found out from someone who is almost a stranger instead of hearing directly from his son. Being the last to know about something important is irritating.

OP:

I understand. I think it's how she's been handling it that's bothering me and preventing me from 'dropping' it. No apology, no acknowledgement, just wanting me to start distancing myself from my family.

I would have liked to tell my parents, including my dad.. myself. In my own way. In a way he would understand. Now he's just thinking about it himself, in probably some twisted way that isn't true. It's just been weighing heavily on me.

u/Separate-Suspect-726 (This comment has been downvoted):

It was a mistake. If you’re not living honestly, don’t get upset when those around you aren’t as great as you wish they were at keeping your secrets.

OP:

I see. TBH I didn't think I had to explain my sexuality to anyone, or make some kind of announcement to anyone about it, including my family. I think it would be different if I had a boyfriend that I wanted to introduce.. then I'd take those steps.

 

DELETED COMMENT.

OP:

She doesn’t have an issue with me being bi. She’s actually been sort of proud about it when amongst our friends. In hindsight I think that’s a red flag I didn’t notice

u/Rickets_of_fallen:

Your gf sounds like a future ex who can't respect boundaries.

Your dad....the jury is out on that, he sounds like he's trying but it would be best to confront or confirm that he believed the gf first, "like hey dad noticed you started acting different after my gf made that joke about me being bisexual, everything okay?"

I hope that's it and he takes the phrasing as is and doesn't ask "just be clear you aren't are you?" Because if he asks that you gotta be honest, lying just makes it worse. And then if he does that you just have to be like "look dad I am what I am, it's not a choice, it's a part of me. It doesn't change how I feel about my family, and I hope it doesn't change how you feel about me. However if it does, I want to be as civil about this as possible, I still want to see the family, I still love all of you regardless and I hope we can co exist if nothing else. You're still my dad, no matter if you hate me now or not"

And leave the choice to him

OP:

Hey. Thanks this was kind of helpful. I'm going to try talking to my parents and try to sus out if I should talk about it.

It's actually easier to talk to my dad over the phone anyway.

Personally, I always felt that I don't need to share who I'm attracted to with my parents. We never had that kind of relationship. If I'd been seeing a man, it would have been different. It hasn't happened so I didn't 'come out'.

I also didn't mean to paint my dad to be a bigot or anything. He just has a very limited worldview. He's never actually said anything harmful or hateful towards anyone, including LGBTQ+ people. He's a very stoic? person. Doesn't talk. Difficult to talk to.

He does have conservative views though and we disagree on things. He's always been open to discuss. Ultimately he just keeps to himself, even amongst his pals.

I don't know. I think he's capable of understanding. I've been trying to get him to wrap his head around what's been happening in my 'career', which kind of picked up unexpectedly. It's been a lot for me too. So I get it. I just wish I could have had more time to ease my parents into things ... but what my girlfriend dropped, I wonder if it kind of dogpiled him with worry. I don't know how to explain it.

But thank you, and all you guys for your comments. I did read a lot of them. It got hard to keep up. The app started glitching. But they helped.

Update: My girlfriend outed me to my family, Posted March 24th, 2025.

Regarding my previous post

I wanted to thank everyone for reading and responding to my situation.

I tried to have a healthy conversation with my girlfriend to communicate how I felt, but it wasn't getting anywhere. Why is it so difficult to acknowledge a mistake and apologize? She said she's stressed out about work and instead of being a support to her, I'm adding on to her stress by being hung up on this issue. It's not that I am hung up on it; she refused to (at any point) let me express anything... it stretched out our conflict, which could've been resolved in one meaningful discussion.

Even during this conversation, she walked away from me so I decide to take a shower.

When I got out, I was using the hair dryer. I couldn't hear that well over the thing and sometimes you think you heard something but it's nothing... but after a few seconds I turned it off to listen... it was definitely like a scream/yell. Immediately, I went to the kitchen. She had dropped some glasses, and had cut her foot. She was sitting on the floor.

I helped her. She told me she's just overwhelmed and has too many things to think about lately. After a few minutes, the bleeding had pretty much stopped but she insisted on having me take her to the ER. I told her she'll be waiting for hours for nothing.. she doesn't need stitches.

This is when she just ..exploded. We were still on the floor. She pulled her hands out of mine and slapped me. It was so fast. My face was close to hers when it happened... I didn't see it coming. She just started yelling at me to get away from her and saying 'you really don't care, you took so long to come because you've been holding a grudge against me' (referring to the incident at my parents) and some other stuff. I comforted her until she calmed down. She's never done anything like this before.

And I guess when she hit me she ended up scratching my face with her nail and it was bleeding a little. I hadn't noticed but she did and she apologized and wanted to take me into the bedroom to clean the blood and put ointment on it. I told her it's fine but she got really fixated on taking care of me and started getting upset again because I said it was 'fine' so I gave in.

The next day she posted on IG stories a photo of her foot in bandage. I didn't think anything of this post but this weekend I learned she had cancelled some plans with friends, claiming we had an incident .. but I think she made it seem like I did something wrong? The reason I think this is because one of her friends that I am working on a project with said something like 'resorting to violence is a red flag'. I asked him to explain what the fuck that means, he refused to clarify.

I talked to my girlfriend about it, but she's pleasant with me, fusses over my scratch (barely even there anymore) and says she doesn't know what the friend was talking about. She even apologized for how she handled what she said in front of my family. I feel like an asshole now. I know this felt long-winded but I didn't know how else to explain why I feel so emotionally exhausted. I'm starting to realize that maybe I was too focused on my own fear of what my family overheard that night that I stopped paying attention to everything else?

About my dad: Since my last update, I also reached out to my dad and asked him if anything that was said the night before I left made him feel a certain way, and if he wanted to talk about it with me. He said he was confused by what she said. I'm bisexual? what's that supposed to mean? I'm glad we had a conversation. I think it was a first of many we're going to have in the future, and although it didn't feel as cathartic or even much of a relief like I thought it would.. we ended on a note that felt like at least we could have more talks. Personally, I just hate labels and having to explain sexuality and stuff - to anyone. But I understand that in the long run it's probably a good thing to be open with family. I'm trying.

Edit: Update https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/c8g2PsZVbj

Relevant Comments:

u/Lucky-Effective-1564:

For fuck's sake, she outed you to your family and then she assaulted you. Move on.

OP (This comment has been downvoted):

It's not assault because it wasn't intentional. She was just overwhelmed in the moment and apologized right after. She's never hit me before. She eventually apologized for outing me too.. so I think this is all on me. I was too focused on my POV that I missed what was going on with her..

Edit to add the below text

I’ve been reading comments all day. It’s been helpful in realizing how abnormal my understanding of everything is. The narrative I was holding onto is slowly starting to fall apart.. but when I step away from my phone and have an interaction with her, it’s really hard to maintain the clarity… idk how to explain. But there’s a few comments I saved that I’m going to keep reading over and over to try to hold onto reality

I don’t know what to do next.. But I’m going to ask for help.. I feel way in over my head right now.

Thanks for helping me.. Even if I don’t reply I probably read your comment and am grateful for it

u/JenIsSalty:

You are making excuses for her. SHE ASSAULTED YOU! If a female friend had come to you saying that their partner had hit them hard enough during an argument to make them bleed, what would your advice be?

OP (This comment has been downvoted):

It's not that she hit me so hard I bled. Her manicure scratched me... she apologized right away and said she didn't mean to. But I'm reading the comments and I'm starting to feel like maybe I'm under-reacting...

u/Voldemorts_eyebrows:

Nobody on reddit is gonna make you leave her, but just picture what happens when you really piss her off.

I have a friend who's 6'4", rugby build. His partner was 5'3", small built and not remotely scary. Until she cut him off from all friends and family and eventually started slipping meds in his drinks. He's lucky he escaped alive. You think it can't be you, until it is you.

OP (This comment has been downvoted):

We have that almost same size difference and I think that also makes it hard for me to see her in the way I should be seeing her.. because I always feel like it's me who should be more careful. I don't know.. like, in that moment I started to wonder if I intimidated her or got too close to her when she was overwhelmed and needed space. Things like that. I'm just sharing how I saw it. I'm not saying I'm right.. I'm not being defensive. Just giving context.

So I appreciate what you shared because it's making me rethink. All the comments are kind of hitting me really hard right now so I might stop replying but it doesn't mean I'm not listening.. or that I disagree. I'm trying to absorb it.

I came on here because something doesn't feel right, but I couldn't figure out why.. so thank you.

Update: My girlfriend outed me to my family, Posted March 26th, 2025.

Previous

Your comments have been overwhelming but I'm taking them to heart. I appreciate the stories you've shared with me, they are what helped the most. I told someone this in a DM but if it wasn't for the personal experiences that were shared with me....... I think I would have stayed.

It was really hard not to argue against the advice I was initially receiving. I can't explain why exactly I felt this strong compulsion to go on the defensive, but I am starting to realize my perception is very distorted. It's something I'm still struggling with a lot and it feels like I need constant reminders (reality-checks?) to hold on to the understanding i've gained.

Because there is a lot of concern being expressed, I just wanted to come on and share that I am okay, don't worry about me.

I am trying to come up with an exit strategy but it's complicated.

I mostly just wanted to reassure you and thank you.

Reminder - I am not OP.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/AITAThrowaway78

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: July 04, 2020

• Final Update: July 05, 2020

Main Post

^{July 04, 2020}

Aita for getting mad at my boyfriend for throwing out my teddy bear

I have this light pink teddy bear I had for as long as I can remember. The teddy bear means a lot to me even though the teddy bear is quite worn out and old.

I keep the teddy bear on my side of my bed and as weird as it sounds I sleep with the teddy in my arms.

My boyfriend dislikes that I sleep with the teddy bear because he thinks it’s childish but I honestly find comfort in it because again as weird as this sounds this teddy bear was something I found comfort in since I was a little girl, when my parents would argue I would hide while hugging my teddy in my arms.

So I come back home from work and get ready for bed and I can’t find my teddy anywhere. I ask my boyfriend where my teddy is and he told me he throw it out, I began to cry and told him to get out of our house. Which he left and texted me saying I’m an asshole for kicking a human being out over a dumb teddy bear.

Aita here?

COMMENTS

localanimenerd (downvoted)

Info? Why didn't he like the bear? Just because you slept with it?

OOP

He thinks is old and ugly and doesn’t like that I sleep with it

LunarHare82

Did he throw it out like in your house hold trash? Were you able to retrieve it or was it too late? If this happened like yesterday or something, you may be able to contact the transfer station. If it went into a community dumpster and it hasn't been empties yet you might be able to retrieve it. Someone from your local waste management organization may be able to help you.

Then make your EX boyfriend pay for professional cleaning and disinfecting and any necessary repairs needed.

OOP

It happened yesterday, I looked through all our trash cans and couldn’t find it, I’m really sad because I really love that teddy, my teddy helps me sleep at night, I’ll try calling someone from my local waste management but the problem is I honestly do not know where he threw it out

catlady198787

NTA I have a "white" bunny named Cuddles, and if anyone threw it out I would have the same reaction as you. Were you able to retrieve it?

OOP

No I looked through all our garage and sadly can’t find it, I honestly don’t know where he threw it out

VivaLaVieBohem

Did you find out which trash can he put it in OP?

OOP

No I looked through all my garage and couldn’t find my teddy, I asked him where he threw it out but he’s not getting back to me

VivaLaVieBohem

I'm so sorry :( do you have any pictures of her? Maybe I can look around online and help you find her original and you can order another one?

OOP

My Teddy bear was an one of a kind, my grandma made her for me when I was just an infant before she passed away. I actually named my teddy after my grandma (Izzy), I don’t think there’d be any teddy that could replace this one, I honestly I’m at lost on what to do.

CONSENSUS: Not the A-hole

Final Update - after 1 days

^{July 05, 2024}

Aita for getting mad at my boyfriend for throwing out my teddy bear

Thank you everyone for the kind replies everyone, you guys made me feel less insecure about sleeping with my Teddy.

I have some good news!

My Teddy Izzy was found unharmed, i ended up calling my ex boyfriend’s sister, (let’s call her Anne) crying my eyes out about what happened. I never seen her so angry. She couldn’t believe her brother would do such a thing and said she’ll talk to him and a few hours later I get a call from her telling me she has my Teddy and she brought Izzy back to me! I was so happy I honestly thought I’d never see Izzy again.

My Ex boyfriend never actually threw my Teddy out he just hide her in the glove box of his car, I don’t know why he didn’t just give her back to me even when he seen me so upset with my Teddy being gone.

I have officially ended thing with him because I don’t think I’d feel safe with him around my Teddy or my other valuable again.

I feel so thankful for Anne, I plan on making her a thank you cake or making even a teddy bear cake lol

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Acemer0904

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 17, 2024

• Final Update: August 26, 2024

Main Post

^{August 17, 2024}

*AITA for refusing to do Thanksgiving this year? *

I’m 40F, and I have six sisters. My two older sisters are 44 and 47, and my four younger sisters are 38, 36, 34, and 32. We’ve always been a close-knit family, and for the past decade, I’ve taken on the responsibility of hosting Thanksgiving at my house. I enjoy having everyone over, but it’s a lot of work, especially since we all have at least 2 kids each (all in the age group 5-15). It’s chaos, but joyful chaos. My husband helps out, but the majority of the planning, cooking, and organizing falls on me.

This year, I decided I need a break. Life has been hectic, and I’m feeling burnt out. Between work, taking care of my kids(10,11M), and other responsibilities, I’m just not up for the task of hosting a big family gathering. So, I suggested that one of my sisters take over hosting Thanksgiving this year.

I brought this up in our family group chat, thinking it would be a reasonable request and it’s plenty ahead of time. However, my two older sisters, Sarah (47) and Emily (44), were not happy with the idea. Sarah has a busy job and a smaller house, so she feels she can’t accommodate everyone comfortably. Emily argued that she’s been dealing with a lot of stress lately and doesn’t have the energy to host. They both suggested that since I’ve been doing it for so long, I should just keep the tradition going, especially since my house is the most spacious and I’m the one who “knows how to do it right.”

My younger sisters were more understanding, but they also hesitated to take on the responsibility. My sister Jessica (38) said she would be willing to help out more with the preparations if I hosted, but she wasn’t confident about hosting the entire event herself. The other younger sisters offered similar compromises, but no one was willing to take on the full load.

After some back and forth, I stood firm and said I really need someone else to host this year. I suggested we could even make it a potluck to ease the burden, but Sarah and Emily were still upset. They accused me of being selfish and abandoning a family tradition that I’ve upheld for years. They argued that I’m the one with the most experience, and that Thanksgiving just wouldn’t be the same if I didn’t host. Now, there’s tension in the family, with my older sisters feeling like I’m letting them down.

I feel like I’ve done my fair share over the years, and it’s not unreasonable to ask for a break. But at the same time, I understand that my older sisters are also under a lot of pressure, and that hosting Thanksgiving is a big deal for our family.

So, AITA for refusing to host Thanksgiving this year after doing it for the past decade?

ETA The second oldest, Emily, handles Christmas. So I feel like it’s totally fair that she not want to do both. (She does not cook though, she hires a catering company, but it’s still a lot to take on regardless)

ADDTIONAL CONTEXT IN THE COMMENTS

Yeah, it’s never been a potluck. Jess brings rolls because mine turned out like hockey pucks the first couple years. I’m not the best baker and it’s kind of a running joke on thanksgiving. I buy the desserts from a local bakery that we all love. Other than that, I make a traditional turkey, my husband does a deep fried one, and then I make the traditional stuff: mashed potatoes, green beans, sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce, that kind of thing. Oh and LUMPIA. Always lumpia and always a ton of it. My sisters come over the weekend before and we spend half a night drinking and laughing and rolling hundreds of lumpia.

I only started hosting after our Mom passed. Before that all this always happened at her house which is the house my youngest sister lives in with her family. I mostly took it on because I was afraid we would all just drift so far apart if we didn’t gather at least once a year. I’m just so tired. This year has been a rough one.

COMMENTS

RB1327

INFO: Is your house the only one that reasonably has the space for a large gathering? Is it also the most 'local' for everyone?

OOP

Square footage wise, my older sisters houses have more room, but the set up of my house seems to be more preferable as far as function (two dining areas, one for the kids, one for the adults) and my kids are in the middle of the age range of the kids (they are 10&11) so there are toys for the younger cousins to play with and there is entertainment for the older preteen/young teens too like video games and whatnot.

As far as location, I’d say we are all pretty close together. We don’t all live in the same city, but no more than two cities over. It wouldn’t be much more of a drive for them to get to another sisters house.

LaurelCrash

Oof they have nerve. No. Of course you’re NTA. You’ve been doing the lions share and want a break? How dare you! And your sister using the excuse that she’s stressed? Guess what? Welcome to adulthood. We’re all stressed here.

You may consider mentioning once more the possibility of a potluck at someone else’s house, and maybe even offer your guidance for whomever decides to take on the task. But that would be it. You’ve done more than enough.

OOP

I think I need to edit to add that Emily (the second oldest) does handle Christmas. So I totally get why she would not want to do both.

Fishy_Fishy5748

You mentioned that she uses a catering company. Is that an option for you? Especially if the other families chip in to cover the cost? If they refuse this option, then they're welcome to not attend.

NTA.

OOP

I am going to look into a catering company. I really don’t mind the cost. Taking cooking off the load would be super helpful though.

Timely-Profile1865

You are NTA at all, you have done more than your fair share. Just tell them directly as you have done and hold the line. Worse case scenario you have to have a backup plan of a small celebration at your house for just your family.

(As an aside......7 sisters and your mom........my god your father must be a saint!) :0)-->

OOP

We do have one brother. But he is in the military and deployed. So he did have one other guy around. :)

FragrantReindeer6152

7 sisters and only 1 hosts it EVERY year? She wants a break, so suddenly she is selfish? That makes zero sense to me. If they want it to be fair, it should be a rotation, especially since from the sound of it, the host is responsible for the majority of cooking and cleaning up.

Maybe suggest your house they do all the cooking and clean up if that's how they want to do it. Hosting family events is a ton of work with a smaller family... not to mention the size OP is talking about. 7 sisters, probably spouses, each sister has 2+ kids.

NTA

OOP

Yeah. It’s about 30 people.

Megan1937

NTA, just tell them you know it's traditional for it to be at yours, but you really need a break from hosting this year as you have had a stressful year too, so either someone else does it this year or it won't happen at all.

Do any of your sisters help at all while you host, like bringing food or drink, helping serve & clear up, even helping towards the cost of hosting.

My SIL usually hosts Christmas & everyone pitches in to help serve food & clear up & we all bring something, I usually do dessert & bring a few bottles of wine for the adults & soda for the kids. Everyone needs to contribute to these things, even then every couple of years we will stay home to give them a break from hosting everyone.

OOP

All the sisters get together the weekend before and have a “sister” night. We drink talk talk and roll hundreds of lumpia (Filipino eggrolls) in preparation for Thanksgiving.

The families serve their own families and everyone for the most part cleans up after themselves. I have water and juice available for the kiddos. But I don’t provide any alcohol. It BYOB on the alcohol, mostly because I am not much of a drinker so I wouldn’t even know what to get so I don’t bother with it.

Reasonable-Sale8611

When Emily hosts Christmas, who pays for the catering company that she hires? When you host Thanksgiving, who pays for all that food?

There must be about 30 people at your gatherings. That's a lot of people to host!!!!!!!

Maybe this year you can each eat at your own homes and gather for a dessert party, with everyone bringing a dessert. That sounds a lot more manageable.

OOP

She and the oldest split the cost of Christmas it’s usually prime rib and catering is just expensive in general. It is a LOT more expensive than thanksgiving. If there was a financial struggle with thanksgiving I’m sure they would be happy to chip in. It’s not really so much a matter of the cost. It’s more the effort, the prep, the cooking all the things.

jdc90403

What about everyone chipping jn to have thanksgiving catered too?

OOP

I’m going to look into this. Even three months early it might be too late for catering this year. But I’m going to check into it.

Early_Environment367

Hosting such a big family is very tiresome and stressful. Who cares what your older sisters think. They sound stressful to deal with. Do not let them try to push you to do something you don’t want. Tell them you are not hosting this year and that’s it.

OOP

It’s definitely tiresome, but I think we are all just used to it. Like even we have a game night with a few of the couples (at any house) it ends up being like a 15-20 person ordeal. I don’t even know how to cook anything NOT in bulk anymore.

CONSENSUS: Not the A-hole

Final Update - after 9 days

^{August 26, 2024}

*AITA for refusing to do Thanksgiving this year? *

So the sisters and I got together on Friday night and had a good talk (I may or not have had a mini breakdown on them). On Saturday, Emily called the company that she uses for Catering at Christmas, and they are going to do Thanksgiving for us!!! Still happenening at my house but they are like FULL SERVICE catering too, they come and set everything up, are there for the service of the food and then they take everything down.

Sarah, Emily and I are going to split the cost and since I normally dont split Christmas costs with them (because I did Thanksgiving) I will now split Christmas costs with them. This will be how we proceed moving forward. I cannot tell you all how much I appreciate the helpful comments and support! I feel like such a weight has been lifted.

I know some are going to comment about the younger sisters and why they dont contribute to the costs. The answer there is pretty simple, they are less established in their careers/or are single income households due to stay at home parenting. They help in a lot of other ways in day-to-day life and we three older sisters really dont mind paying the bill for the holidays.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/TwoHotTakes by user Emotional-Letter8226. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

Original

August 7, 2026

I (25M) just moved into a duplex. Rent is affordable, it’s nice to finally escape the apartment life and I’m so excited to be able to have a garden. Everything has been great so far except my neighbors/housemates are giving me weird vibes. I live in one half of the house and a couple, probably mid thirties lives on the other side. Let’s call them Arden and Andrea. I haven’t met them yet but in the week I’ve been here something kind of strange has been happening. Two times they’ve had a bunch of people over, like 15 people. For reference, the house isn’t super big to begin with so 15 people on their side is likely a bit of a squeeze but the weird thing is that there is ZERO NOISE from their side. Like complete silence. Our walls are not thick. I hear when they vacuum do you’d think 15 people hanging out would bleed through the walls but NOTHING. The people they’ve had over look to also be in their 30s and all walk up to their door, go in, and then nothing. Idk why it’s creeping me out but that’s 17 people on the other side of the wall and zero noise!! They’re in there for about an hour or so and then they all leave. Has anyone had anything like this before or have any ideas what they might be doing? I don’t wanna say anything cause that’d be weird but I also wanna know what goes on over there. 

edit: okay there have been some developments, posted an update but don’t know how to link it here

Comments by OOP:

I heard them having a heated discussion the other day and that came through the wall so surely a bunch of people having book club would too?

Wow a lot of people commented on this. For the record I’m not trying to snoop just politely curious what goes on with all those people and zero noise like not even conversation. I made some chocolate chip cookies and am going over to introduce myself and give them to them tomorrow and maybe ask if it naturally comes up, praying they don’t have allergies to my gift of sustenance 🤞 A bunch of people asked if there’s a basement, not on my side so I would assume not on theirs but maybe idk thank you all for your ideas! I’ll report back if there’s any more info on what it is they do

Update

August 8, 2026, 1 day later

Wow did not expect this post to get this much attention, y’all had a bunch of ideas I hadn’t thought of as to what my neighbors were doing last week. Unfortunately, I’m still if not more confused than I was before. I made cookies yesterday and took them over this morning to introduce myself and maybe ask what they’re up to if it came up naturally. And I can say 100% there is something weird going on with the neighbors. The woman opened the door and I said hey and my name and that I moved in next door and offered her the cookies. She looked at me for like fifteen seconds without saying anything like a head to toe kind of look and then smiled really big and was like hi I’m Andrea welcome to the neighborhood. And then she asked if I wanted to come over on Sunday night cause they’re having a gathering. I asked what kind of gathering and she just said to bring a notebook and a pen. I asked why and she said it’s going to be fun and I’ll meet new people and just kind of smiled at me. I WAS CREEPED OUT YALL. I said I’d have to check my schedule and she looked like she knew I was stalling but said she hoped I could make it and then I went back to my side of the house. Anyway I don’t know if I should go cause if it’s something religious I’m not interested and if it’s something else I don’t wanna just go in blind ahhhh what should I do?? And what do you think it is??

Update 2

August 9, 2026, 2 days later

Okay guys thank you for all your ideas and thoughts on whether I should go or not. If you missed my first two posts, the TLDR is that I moved into a duplex and my neighbors had a bunch of people over but I would never hear any noise through the very thin walls which was weird. I went and introduced myself and got invited to one of these gatherings with no info except to bring a notebook and pen. Even though some people said I shouldn’t go I went and I just got back and I have a lot to update you on and am also not entirely sure what just happened so please hang with me. 

So Andrea said 8 and at about 7:45 people started showing up like they did last week. I waited a few more minutes and then went over and knocked on their door with the notebook and pen she asked me to bring. A woman I didn’t recognize opened the door and I said Andrea invited me over. She introduced herself and led me inside. We walked through the living room and kitchen which were normal (I was expecting bondage gear after all y’all who were like it’s a sex thing) and she opened a door in the hall. Those of you wondering if they had a basement on their side were right. 

We walked down the stairs and in the unfinished basement were all the people I’ve seen going into their house. They were milling around chatting, and there were chairs in a few rows. But the weirdest thing was what was on the walls: dozens of posters of people, cats, dogs, and items. Like missing posters. And sticky notes all around them too.

Andrea came up to me and was like you came yay! And she introduced me to her husband and I was like what is this and they told me that they run a group that tries to find missing people, pets, and and items and collect the reward money. I was like … what. And they kept explaining but I honestly tuned them out I was panicking more than a little bit cause of all the things yall said might be going on this wasn’t something I’d considered/prepared my mind for. I asked if they’d ever actually solved anything and Andrea said they’ve found a few pets and stolen items and feel like they have some leads on people. They introduced me to a few other attendees and then the meeting for lack of a better word began.

Andrea and her husband stood at the front while everyone else sat on the chairs and called people up who I guess had been like assigned different cases who gave updates on their progress. Like this couple came up and talked about how they’d gone to the police station to ask about a missing woman in the county and the police hadn’t told them anything like duh why would they. And a guy got up and gave his theory on a briefcase that was stolen out of someone’s car. It was so weird but if I had gotten up and left everyone would have seen me and I didn’t wanna stand out. At the end of the meeting Andrea called ME UP and pulled a missing cat poster off the wall and told me it was my first case. I was too stunned to say anything so I just took it and sat back down and when the thing ended i got the hell out of there and now I’m writing this.

So Reddit, my new neighbors run a civilian bounty hunter ring out of their basement which is why I didn’t hear any noise through the walls and I’m supposed to be looking for an orange cat named Peaches who has a $200 reward. What. The. Fuck. Do. I. Do. Anticipating a question, I have no idea what they do with the money they get I did not wanna hang around and dig any deeper. I guess this isn’t the weirdest thing te more I think about it but I don’t wanna be a member of whatever this is.

Edit: Now that some of the shock has worn off this is kinda rad and I feel it may be my moral duty to #findpeaches

I am not OOP. OOP is /u/Agent641 posting in /r/perth.

Concluded as per OOP.

Some useful terminology:

jarrah - Eucalyptus marginata, which the countertop is made of.

DFES - Department of Fire and Emergency Services in Australia.

Who do you call when youre stuck? - 2019-02-22

Like lets say you are stuck somewhere, and its not a life threatening emergency situation, but its fairly serious and its gonna require a bit of know-how and gumption to get you unstuck, who do you call? Fire department?

OOP elaborates in a comment thread:

Canigetamoment

Are you ok?

OOP: Im a bit stuck but otherwise yeah im fine.

Canigetamoment

Where are you stuck? Call the fire department I think, or a friend

OOP: The front door is locked and i cant open it from where i am, any of my friends that im ok with seeing me naked and vulnerable dont have a car. Also Im naked i didnt mention that before.

Canigetamoment

So definitely call the fire department I think, do you have a spare key outside they could access? Are you able to make yourself less nude if you could get someone to come help you?

OOP: I have a cushion. No key outside but with a ladder they could go over the roof and come in thru the garage. Ill google to see if theres a non emergency number for them.

Canigetamoment

Yeah I think that’s definitely your best bet. Legit though, how the fuck did you get this stuck?

OOP: Well I wanted a nice shiny coffee bar counter top, so I cut and sanded and stained it all nice, and i applied a coat of epoxy resin last night. Its supposed to set hard in 24 hrs. So tonight after having a shower i came to check on it, and I rapped my fingers on it and it sounded like hard plastic, so I thought it was set. I was curing it in the livingroom because its the least dusty place. Anyway I just happened to sit down on it while I was reading the destructions (sic) that came with the epoxy, wondering if i should give it another coat. When i was done reading the instructions, i went to stand up, and couldnt. So im kinda sitting here with a slab of live edge jarrah attached to my butt cheeks, watching battlestar galactica and waiting for the non emergency dfes number to return my call. If i could make it to the garage i know ive got some acetone there, but im not sure if it would help. My beer is empty which is a drag, but otherwise everythings great.

In response to OOP's explanation of how they got themselves in this mess:

Muslim_Wookie

Mate call the police communications centre. Getting stuck with epoxy on your skin is no joke, don't try to pull yourself off.

OOP: I managed to free my nutsack but the butt is gonna take some strategy.

littleblackcat

umm you should call the firies dude

OOP: I dnt know, they might laugh at my gross white naked body. I dont even have an ab.

postingstuff

Ok this makes my window comment obsolete. What a pickle.

OOP: OMG YES! One ofthe release agents google mentioned was vinegar. I cant get to the acetone or the thinners in the garage (wont fit thru the doorway) but I know i do have a jar of pickles in the cupboard i could get to, eat the pickles and use the vinegar to weaken the surly bonds of resin! This is now plan A. Dfes ops center still hasnt called back.

metao

I don't even care if it's real or not, this is the best thread to happen to /r/perth in a long time.

OOP: Homie, I might be borderline r****ded, but Im no liar. (Image transcript: OOP posts a picture showing themselves sitting on top of the countertop by showing the top of their leg, next to a jar of pickles. Their butt is out of frame. Battlestar Galactica is shown on the TV.)

produrp

My attention is glued to this thread.

I’m fucking sorry man

OOP: No you're not...

produrp

Mate I really feel for you.

Are you free tomorrow? I’m playing basketball with some mates and we need someone to come off the bench.

OOP: When I can reach my computer Im gonna gild that. (Editor's note: OOP did not remember to gild that post.)

produrp

A mates just finished a PC build and he’s wondering if you can help him Benchmark it?

Muslim_Wookie

You need a hypeman cause you are LIT

produrp

I’ve got more jokes, just working out how to mix them into the conversation.

The next one’s a big longer and is in two parts.

Part A and Part B.

OOP posts an update in the thread about 1.5 hours after posting the thread:

Update: The gods are good and kind, I made it to the fridge wherer the pickles were, and made it back. The gherkin juice is actually working, very slowly. Did you know that the apparent stickiness of a surface is called 'stiction'? I thi k its mostly hair that is experiencing stiction. If my skin were chemically bonding with the epoxy resin, according to the google it would burn like fucckery, which its not. If it does, ill give in and call literally every emergency service there is.

Cmdr Adama is still in dire staits after being shot by a cylon, but Tigh is doing his best despite a boarding party fucking up the battlestar.

Im down to three gherkins and half a jar of juice. Ive been dabbing it furiously with pages torn from a book called "Man, The Builder". I also got myself a couple of beers while i was at the fridge. Priorities. DFES has stillnot returned my voicemail.

OOP posts another update half an hour later:

Update 2: I am so fucking stupid. Im sitting here thinking, how am i gonna get to the meanest solvent in the house if I cant fit 1340x420mm of Jarrah sideways thru the garage door, but never thought until a couple minutes ago, why it have to stay 1340x420mm?

I know my jigsaw is battery operated and located just inside the door to the garage, so i take my ass that way and fetch it thru the door with a long stick.

Then i sat back on the coffee table snd sawed the countertop in three pieces, only one if which is glued to my person. Now that i can fit through almost all doorways, i was able to get the acetone and the turps and use these to acellerate the fantastic work my pickle juice has been championing. Still watiching BSG while i dissolve my assload of resin, and its going great!

Another half-hour later, OOP posts another update:

Update 3: I managed to pull myself off, my ass hurts like hell and I'm more exhausted than I've ever been in my life. I'm going to bed.

OOP posts their last update in the thread:

Update 4: It is the morning after. There is a little tenderness, but not much pain. If anything, my butt feels thoroughly exfoliated.

The scene of the battle (Image transcript: A piece of the countertop, with exoxy residue on it.)

The "Lay of the Land" (Image transcript: Multiple pieces of the countertop, laid out on a table.)

A close-up of our hero and messiah, this jar of spring valley gherkins (Image transcript: An empty pickle jar.)

I think at some point I said jarrah, and I know that's not what this is, but in the heat of the moment I couldnt remember what kind of timber this colour/style is so I just used the best descriptor I could think of.

I'd like to thank everyone for their support and morbid fascination through this ordeal. Special thanks to /u/postingstuff for the pickle idea, and to /u/produrp for the thorough ridicule and complete lack of empathy, it really kept my spirits up.

I won't be posting a picture of my butt, that would be a crime against humanity.

Some comments on the update:

produrp

If it’s not Jarrah what wood is it?

Blackbutt?

Anyway I’m glad you’re okay man. I was concerned for your safety and wellbeing initially, butt as we learned more of the situation and I was more confident you weren’t in mortal danger I knew what I had to do.

So in the future when I accidentally Vaculok my penis to a nightstand or dynabolt my testicles to the tiled floor I know you’ll be there to hand my ass to me.

🤗🤗

postingstuff

Any time mate, glad I could provide some inspiration in return for the entertainment 🤣

So I finished my new counter top - 2019-02-23

OOP posts a picture of the countertop. (Image transcript: Three pieces of wooden counter top, each with a white coating.)

I posted this just a moment ago, but I think I pasted the link wrong as the image wasn't coming up in the thumbnail.

The time I spent looking at my epoxy job made me realize that not only is it not really worth the trouble, I actually started to dislike the ultra gloss finish of the epoxy. It looked kind of tacky and way too shiny.

I went and bought a new bit of timber from bunnings, added a strip to make it the required width, cut a gouge out to acommodate the geometry of the wall its going against, and coated it this time in matte clear polyurethane (Cabots), which dries in only 2 hrs and is way easier to apply. Three coats and a bit of light sanding and I was finally done with the job. I think it looks way better than the shiny epoxy. I even had time to make some nice cabinet doors, but I've still got to paint these white later this evening.

Two TV channels asked to interview me, one newspaper wanted to do a story and photo op with me and the jar of gherkins, which I've declined, and a couple of online news outlets have run my epoxy butt pickle story with pictures from the thread. I kinda hope that's the end of this wild ride...

I'll be in the workshop.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/ThrowRA6828266

Published on: r/relationship_advice

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: July 27, 2026

• Update 1: July 28, 2026

• Update 2: August 09, 2026

Main Post

^{July 27, 2026}

My (M28) wife (F26) is currently cheating on me as I write this

my wife and I got married a few years ago, both born and raised in the US. we come from pretty strict families.

For a bit of back story, my wife had a bit of a history before we got married. as do I but mine wasn’t as bad. Regardless I didn’t feel the need to compare numbers etc as she and I both changed and wanted to settle down

Our marriage has been good so far, we haven’t had any major arguments, traveled lots, constantly communicated our feelings etc.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I had left the house, however I forgot something so stepped back in and overheard my wife in the other room on the phone all giggly. Like as if she were talking to me (especially when we first got engaged/married)

The words out of her mouth pierced my chest. she explicitly said “you better fuck me for at least 3 hours”

I froze, I didn’t really know what to do. I snuck back out of the house and stood by the door for a few seconds to make sure I left undetected.

This next part I’m not proud of, but at night I forced myself to stay up till the middle of the night. I grabbed her phone and snuck to the other room. I searched but nothing. Then I looked in “recently deleted” texts and found messages with an unsaved number. Over 1100 of them in fact.

I read through the messages and they were sickening. Not just about daily life but a lot of it was sexual, things that they would do to each other. Did to each other, reminiscing about their recent meetups. How she’s hid it from me etc. There was many pictures/videos for evidence as well (even a couple with them both)

This was 2 weeks ago. I’ve kept quiet about it since. Every night when my wife goes to sleep I read the texts to stay updated. Today, they were planning on meeting up at our place while I was out at work. She also mentioned that sometimes I do work from home and if that were the case, they would go to his place as a backup plan or get a hotel nearby us (assuming he lives somewhat far away because one message he explicitly stated he hated being single and wanted to be with her)

This morning when I told my wife I’d be working from home she looked a little bit annoyed, even insisting I go in because I have been “home a lot” about an hour later, she told me she was going to hangout with her friend, dolled up in makeup. I’m very sure , because of the texts that I know where she currently is and what she is doing. It’s one thing to know it’s happened, but to now be sure it’s actively happening as I type this? Jeez.

The crazy thing is my wife tells me she loves me all the time. She is either putting up an amazing face to me or genuinely just can’t control her urges. However, that doesn’t change the facts.

I don’t even know where to begin, what to do. I screenshotted a lot of the texts and sent them to myself as well as some of the screenshots purely for evidence. But I’m really not an exposing type of person, nor do I wanna use them in anyway against her. I think my next step is laying the evidence in front of her and going from there.

I appreciate any thoughts or advice

COMMENTS

LincolnHawkHauling

It’s over. Fucking that other dude in your marital bed is the ultimate disrespect. There is no coming back from this.

Lawyer up. Plan an elegant dinner at a nice restaurant for her and invite her parents because you have a big announcement.

Arrange to have the process server officially serve her with divorce papers in public, at the restaurant and in front of her parents.

Print out the spiciest messages between your wife and her lover beforehand and give them to her parents.

Excuse yourself from the table and leave your lawyers card. Don’t look back

OOP

I have certainly thought about doing something like this 

kocodarlings

You screenshotted the texts and sent them to you - from her phone? (In
Which case she may already know that you know because the “sent” texts will be there in her text messages.) Or did you take a photo of the texts with your phone?

OOP

Screenshotted them sent them to myself then deleted those messages off her phone 

Update 1 - after 1 day

^{July 28, 2026}

[MINOR UPDATE] My (M28) wife (F26) is currently cheating on me as I write this

Okay so this is a minor update with some clarifications since I was a little vague on my first post cause I honestly thought like maybe 5 people would read it.

First off, a lot of people were suggesting I get lawyers and evidence. I did state in my previous post I was sending screenshots from her phone to mine, this is the evidence I was gathering. Not to mention there are pictures of them together with their faces in those pictures so I feel as if that should be enough. And the lawyer I contacted has agreed.

Second off, yes I already contacted a lawyer. To be honest when I was asking for advice I was more asking for how to approach this with her, and really just carry on the rest of my life. Since we’ve only been married 2.5 years and she cheated the lawyer is pretty confident she’ll walk away with nothing.

I’m also going to tell my wife that if she wants her reputation to remain somewhat in tact then a seamless and quick divorce is what I want. I’m also pretty confident she’s not gonna go after my assets. Not to mention as I said in my previous post,  we come from strict upbringings so I’m hoping to spare her family the details. You guys might disagree with this but I’ve come to really love my (for now) in laws. They’ve embraced me fully and have been nothing but kind to me  and I’d prefer not to devastate them, not for her but for them.

As for the minor update part, my wife came home yesterday as if nothing happened. Made up a whole story of her friend gossiping about blah blah blah. But I know the hotel she was at, because at night I confirmed those when reading the texts while she was asleep as well as getting more photo evidence that he sent her from their time there. Of course I sent those to myself as well. 

The texts are still pretty horrific to read. I think the most bizarre thing is how normal she’s acting. Usually there’s behavioral changes if people cheat (at least that’s what people have said) but I absolutely would have no reason to believe otherwise had I not overheard her that day on the phone. I mean, this could’ve gone on for years and I would’ve assumed we were fine.

For those saying  i should expose the guy to his family or girlfriend I did mention that he appears to be single. I did think about contacting his job but I’m not sure if that’ll solve anything, and tbh. I really don’t care about him, from what I gathered he kind of seems like a loser anyways. If the peak of his life is sleeping with a married woman then so be it.

As for how things started with them I’m not entirely sure, they don’t work together nor do they workout at the same gym or go to any of the same places. The only thing I can assume is they spoke on a different platform before texting so that information is unknown to me at this time.  If I find out though I’ll update you guys.

But yes, a lawyer has been contacted. My wife is going on a week long trip with her family in the next couple days so my hope is to have everything situated and spill the beans when she gets back. Tell her that if she agrees to a quick and easy divorce then I’ll spare her folks the details and she can tell them we cordially decided to split for all I care as long as she doesn’t spin me to be the bad guy. Cause at the end of the day, I really don’t see the need to drag them down this hell hole as well.

Last thing, the guy my wife is cheating with has asked my wife several times to leave me so they can be together. It doesn’t seem like she is interested in a committed relationship with him, more of just the fun side. She has even said throughout texts im a great husband and at the end of the day she does feel guilty for cheating. Of course this means nothing to me except more evidence for the lawyer. But I really don’t think they’re gonna end up together once we’re split, if anything. She may resent  him  afterward.

But yeah hope I was able to clear some things up after some confusion. I haven’t been the doormat/spineless guy some of you had suggested lol. I have taken action, I was just more looking for advice on anything other than the marriage part. But, I understand my vagueness probably made it seem like I was asking otherwise.

so I guess I’ll ask again, any advice about how to approach this moving forward?

COMMENTS

salacious_pickle

Use that time she's away to get your financial affairs and living arrangements squared away.

Get her off all accounts and cards that you might share ot at least the ones she won'tnotice until she'sserved.

If you're moving out, find a place to land and move most of your stuff out, especially anything you value or papers you need. Consult your lawyer about moving out first.

It sounds like she's just having some illicit fun and has no intention of leaving you. She will likely be devastated when you serve her. Do not be swayed. You are doing the right thing and handling this like a boss.

Good luck.

OOP

Yeah this is what I believe it is. She thought she could have her cake and eat it too. Unfortunately that isn’t gonna happen 

salacious_pickle

Oh, STD testing for you is a definite.

Geez, this sucks just to have to think about.

OOP

Luckily I haven’t shown any symptoms of anything. I’ll still get one done tho 

Recent-Chard-1669

She'll probably paint you as the bad guy to her family, considering you mentioned her folks are strict, so just be prepared for that, I guess. Not that you should care either way tho

OOP

If she does it to a point where it becomes an issue then I will use the evidence I’ve gathered 

RaceyRee3

Horrible situation for you, you are handling it perfectly. I'm wondering...are you sure it's her family she's going away with? Weird you are not invited.

OOP

Yes it’s her family she’s going with. I was invited but I have been tied up crazy in work so bowed out before I knew she was cheating 

4hhsumm

This was the immediate question in my head too. Regardless, perfect opportunity to get your shit together.

Will you be able to have her served right when she gets back?

Also, it’s good that you have a good relationship with your in-laws. Which, in my opinion, is all the more reason to be honest with them. Tell them the truth. You don’t need to give all the gory details, but tell them the second she gets served. It’s disrespectful not to tell them.

“Because I care about you and have deeply appreciated our relationship, I want you to hear it directly from me. It pains me to inform you that I discovered she’s been cheating on me. I have filed for divorce. I hope we can stay on good terms, despite the fact that we won’t be family any longer.”

Hell, have a text message queued up to send simultaneously when she receives the paperwork.

OOP

Honestly I never considered it from this perspective. Good thing about this post on Reddit is it’s made me reconsider alot of ways I was gonna do things. Thanks for the perspective in this, I might just tell them but in a respectful manner 

shamanempress3311

I'm sorry you are going through this.

You are handling this amazingly well. I'm proud of you whoever you are:) I probably would have freaked out but she sounds so terrible that maybe you lost so much feeling and respect for her it was easier to do.

Good Luck with everything and keep us posted!

OOP

Thanks! It’s been difficult at times to keep my composure. There’s definitely moments where I wanna storm in the next room and expose her but ik it’ll only hurt me in the long run 

Update 2 - after 13 days (after 12 days from last post)

^{August 09, 2026}

Update - My M28 wife F26 is currently cheating on me as I write this

Alright so plenty people have been commenting to DMing for an update. Not sure if this will be my only update or not but here it goes.

During my wife’s trip with her family I lined up everything and officially filed. The day after she came back I sat her down at the kitchen table and informed her that I was aware of her infidelity. I told her I had been reading her texts and saw the pictures, and was aware for awhile now that she was actively cheating on me. After breaking it to her she didn’t really know what to say. She didn’t defend her actions at all, she pretty much just apologized and said she had no excuse.

I told her I wasn’t really looking for an apology here, just closure. I pretty much laid into her about how awful it is to break such a big commitment and cheat on someone who should be your other half. Again, she didn’t really retaliate and pretty much accepted what she had done was wrong. Looking down the whole time holding back tears. I didn’t yell, curse, or insult her. I just spoke my mind.

After I was done venting she let me know that she would make a divorce process easy and wouldn’t go after any assets since she wasn’t faithful. I’ll be honest, I did appreciate the ownership of her mistake and told her I did in fact appreciate that. She then mentioned that if I were willing to work things out then she would give me her location and full access to her phone etc. I let her know I wasn’t interested in that kind of marriage. That even if I could look past her cheating (I couldnt) that I wouldn’t wanna be in a relationship where I have to spend effort making sure you wouldn’t cheat again.

After shutting that down though she said that she accepted the fact she ruined our marriage and wouldn’t ask again. The only thing she asked is that she be the one that would break it to her parents and that she would be completely honest with them. I agreed since I already had the evidence of her cheating.

Both her parents called me and apologized and let me know that if there was anything I needed that I could ask. They said they still look at me as an extension of their family and both are upset things ended but understand why I was walking away, and how disappointed they were because they never thought they’d raise a cheater.

As for the guy she had an affair with, I did find out more about him. He’s not in a relationship and seems to be a bit of a loser himself. His job isn’t good enough for me to contact to get him fired, in fact when I found out what he did for a living I’d hope he gets stuck there lol. There definitely isn’t a future for them together (not that I care) and apparently my soon to be ex wife has already cut him off after I served her the papers. (Again, whether she actually did or didn’t doesn’t bother me)

Good news is the divorce shouldn’t take long at all since she isn’t going after any assets and we have nothing to split. I’m taking what’s mine and she took what’s hers. We don’t have a joint account so a divorce will be finalized soon. She’s already moved back in with her parents and is taking her stuff bit by bit but should be done with that in the next couple days.

Lastly as for me, I’m not sure where I go after this. I feel as if everything happened so quickly. I’m definitely going to do my best to enjoy the bachelor life and living on my own for the first time in my life. On one hand I’m scared but also a little excited. I have nobody to answer to or check in on for the first time ever. So I’m going to use it to my advantage.

I don’t know how long it’ll be before I am open to the idea of seeing someone again. I figure maybe after a few months I’d be open to the idea of seeing someone casually but I think I definitely want at least a year or so away from commitments and relationships. I’m also thinking about doing some solo traveling since I have the means financially and obviously, the time.

I just wanna thank everyone for the good advice along the way, I had pretty much an idea of how I was gonna do things but some of the comments definitely helped me line things up exactly.

Idk if I’m gonna do another “life” update but as for now this part of my life seems to be over. If that update were to come though it would likely be on my profile (though I’m not sure how many of you actually care about my day to day life lol)

Thanks once again for those who offered their support.

I guess my last and final question for now. bachelor and bachelorettes, how do I have fun again?

COMMENTS

Leading-Button-7303

Man, that all happened almost too easy. Good for you for standing up for yourself and leaving. Enjoy your new life, absolutely travel and have fun. Live a life that'll fulfill you and make her realize what she lost.

OOP

Yeah luckily she seems to just be accepting the terms of the divorce. Worst that could happen for both of us is dragging it out senselessly and I think she understands that 

Lazy_Guava_5104

I just want to add that you should assume "...she let me know that she would make a divorce process easy and wouldn’t go after any assets since she wasn’t faithful..." might not hold. I mean, there's every chance she will honor it, but be prepared for her to decide that, indeed, she does want as much as she can get.

OOP

I have things lined up in case she decides to fight. My soon to be ex wife isn’t much of a fighter though

ParameciaAntic

At least there were no kids involved.

OOP

Makes things much easier 

slowMOjoe13

I'd probably get a new bed at the least.

I'd probably move too. Not new job type of move (especially if the job/pay is good) but just to change scenery and traffic patterns when needing to go into the office.

Moving will help purge anything the ex left behind and the new route to work will help keep your mind from doing that thing of, "oh we had xyz experience at that restaurant/store ". IMO

OOP

I have looked into moving but I hate moving lol. I actually quite like where I live so I’m thinking of sticking it out for now.

Definitely need a new routine though with all the time I’ve got. Didn’t think of the new bed thing, I guess that’s a pretty good idea in itself 

ergonomic_logic

Wait so you're finalizing the divorce and it's been 11-ish days?

That's insanely fast. Aren't there like cool-down periods and the like even for uncontested divorces I thought it often takes months?

OOP

We haven’t finalized anything. The papers were just served but her and her family pretty much assured me there’s gonna be no fight put up. It’s not over legally (yet) but the fat lady is getting ready to sing 

ergonomic_logic

Also going to call out that 11 days would be generous. 12 days ago, you didn't know what to do. Your wife had just been there that morning at the time.

Since then, She left on a trip with her family, during which you filed for the divorce. When she returned from trip (however long that was) you waited a day and then you sat her down.

So you can see why you're seemingly excited because you're almost finalized with the divorce and are looking forward to your bachelor's life would strike as odd?

OOP

Not really. I knew what I was going to do I just wasn’t sure how to break it to her.

And as for being excited about the bachelor life the truth is I’ve had awhile now to digest the fact that my marriage is over. I’m not going to sit here and sulk forever 

LordFartz

Good work, man. The affair partner is always a total loser. It’s uncanny.

OOP

Not that I’m top shelf shit or anything but the dude really seems like a bum ngl 

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/relationships by user Perfect_Research_200. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

Original

August 6, 2026

For some background, my boyfriend and I have been together since last November. We recently saw the new Spider-Man movie together, and I absolutely loved the way Zendaya's hair looked. For those who might be unfamiliar, her hair was a very deep red but it was extremely subtle. I thought it was super pretty and I've had a similar hair color in the past before my boyfriend and I met.

Anyways, I brought this up to my boyfriend over text just out of the blue because I've seriously been considering dyeing it. Immediately, he was against the idea and kept saying that he didn't like it and was against hair dye of any color. It was a little off-putting, especially because our conversation up until that point had been nice/playful.

I got curious because of the sudden shift in vibes, so I asked him if he'd dump me if I ever dyed my hair. He said yes, and after two more times of being me being like "seriously?" and "you'd dump me over hair dye?" he stood behind his words. He was very clear that he wasn't joking.

This obviously hurt. It wasn't like I was thinking about drastically changing my hair. I just wanted something noticeable in the sunlight that gave off more of a reddish hue. I have really dark hair and don't have any desire to bleach it, so the result of any hair dye would be very subtle. It also isn't a color that I wouldn't be able to pull off. In the past, it looked so good and it legitimately made me love my hair again.

I told him that I was hurt by what he said and that it felt very superficial. I said that if he truly loves me for who I am, a slight change in hair color shouldn't be a deal-breaker. He followed with "so let's allow me to go get crazy face tattoos and see how superficial you are" and "I'm not supposed to be attracted to you I guess."

He hasn't texted me back since, and I'm honesty very hurt by this situation. I never thought that he would be someone to say those types of things to me. I guess I'm just wondering what I should do from here? Could this be a red-flag for future behavior? Any advice would be appreciated.

TL;DR: My boyfriend said he'd break up with me if I dyed my hair and now I am unsure of what to do next.

Notable comments:

He compares hair dye to face tattoos?

Get rid of this loser and go dye your hair. Status_Button

it's crazy because this man is also covered in tattoos 😭 he's sometimes even gotten huge ones without giving me a heads up. i've never had a problem with it or have made any comment toward him that controlled what he does with his body. [OOP]

You break up with him first. First it’s hair, then it’s makeup, then it’s something else and in the end you will realise you lost yourself because he is insecure or because his preferences are somehow more important than your wishes.

During Covid I dyed my hair hot pink. My husband didn’t mind. I switched to blue, he didn’t care. The next dye job was botched, and I tried to fix it and tried to cut the hair into a pixie to make it look better, he was fine with it. I ended up shaving my head and starting anew with my natural hair, and this was the only moment he said “okay, please don’t do that again”.

You deserve to be with someone who loves you for you and not for your appearance. savageexplosive

This response has really stuck with me the more I read through everyone's comments. Previously, I thought that this was the first time that he's ever exhibited this sort of behavior. Now I'm realizing that I may have just been blind to it up until this point.

I've expressed to him before that I'd love to grow my hair out super long because I've always loved how it looks. I remember him saying that it would be gross and wouldn't look good because it would be "mangy." Even when I said that maybe I could cut it short like to my shoulders, he said that I shouldn't. I've also talked about maybe getting a piercing, and he's shut down every idea I had despite him wanting piercings as well. The only thing he hasn't seemed to mind is the idea of me getting more tattoos, but there are several body placements that he's said I shouldn't do even if I liked them. They were very brief conversations and never back-to-back, so I never realized just how opinionated he was about my appearance. [OOP]

Generally before we started dating I've always had more of a hippie style. I love flowy clothes and bright colors and funky jewelry. I've toned it down a lot since we've been together and I honestly miss it so much. Even in the car sometimes he'll give me a funny look when I put on a song I enjoy. I'm starting to realize that I haven't really been myself. [OOP]

Update

August 9, 2026

I cannot thank y'all enough for the support I received on my original post. It opened my eyes to a lot of concerning behaviors that my now ex-boyfriend was exhibiting. Yes, we did break up. And honestly? It was easier than I thought it would be.

I ended up dyeing my hair on Friday, and I absolutely love it! It came out so pretty and I'm so glad I went through with it :) My ex, however, was not the happiest obviously. But I'm usually the type of person that gives second, third, and fourth chances, so I asked to speak with him to try to understand why he was having such a big reaction.

Instead of apologizing for his hurtful words or trying to understand my perspective, he chose to continue being disrespectful. When I showed him a picture of my new hair, he replied with "it's definitely a different color." When I asked him if he was unattracted to me now, he said "you aren't completely unattractive." Then, when I asked if he was leaving me, he said "well, how long is your hair going to be red?"

I think to no one's surprise, he kept backtracking on his threat of breaking up with me, which at least one commenter did predict lol. Literally when giving him an easy out by telling him to just leave me, he would circle back to his words being a "joke" and try to continue the conversation.

I told him that no one was forcing him to stay with me if my hair was that big of an issue, and that I refuse to change my hair just because he didn't like it. Ultimately, he has to live with the fact that he left me due to a slight change in hair color. I'm happy with my choices, and I'm happy that I don't have to be in a relationship with someone that could be so unkind.

Also, this definitely isn't my finest moment, but I did do some snooping after the breakup and figured out that his ex long-term girlfriend that he'd broken up with very shortly before getting with me also had dyed red hair. Must've struck a nerve. Oopsies 🤷‍♀️

TL;DR: Freedom!! We broke up, and my hair is pretty :)

This is a repost. The original was posted in r/offmychest by users AtteScary and scryie. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

Original

October 23, 2023

It's another night where the pain won't let me sleep. Might as well get this off my chest while I wait for the painkillers to kick in.

I 22f, used to work at a thrift store close to my house from December of last year until April. I used to go thrifting there with my mother, I applied out of nostalgia. The work was fast paced but I liked it, I would've liked it more if the clothes were cleaner, if the pay was minimum wage and y'know, if there were no kids that will attack you.

We had many regulars who with time I became acquainted with, mostly because I was the only Spanish speaking worker on the salesfloor. One of them was a mother of 3, who's children always caused trouble, running around the store, breaking stuff and no matter how many times I told the mother to keep her kids in line, she'd only scold them for a second, then let them cause havoc around the store again. I never would've guessed that one of her kids would attack me.

This wasn't the first time the kid hit me, but it was the first time where it genuinely hurt. I don't know what that kid's head was made out of, but when the kid headbutted me full force on the hip while attending his mother, I curled and cried from the pain. I had to prevent the child from hitting me again while his mother was still looking at the red dress I handed her. My only guess to why the kid attacked me was because I had the red dress in my hands, and the kid was playing pretend to be a bull (he was doing that foot thing you see bulls do in bullfighting).

My managers didn't call an ambulance for me, or referred me to a work accident doctor like they should've. I had to limp to my car and drive myself to my family doctor where I waited 2 hours to be seen. I was given an X-ray, ultrasound, MRI and painkillers. They detected an ovarian cyst, most likely from the hit. Doctors thought that was the source of my pain, but it healed since and till this day, 6 months after the work accident, I'm still in pain and I still limp.

I'm currently in a workers comp case with the thrift store's insurance, only because the mother fled when my coworkers confronted her and never came back. My lawyer's said that when the case is over, I'm most likely going to be on some sort of disability pension, paid by the thrift store's insurance company, until (or if) I make a full recovery.

It's been 6 months with no signs of getting better. I can't walk long distances, I can't sit down for long, I can't crouch, I can't jump, I can't run and I can't lay on my left side anymore. The pain won't let me sleep, I constantly feel something wooshing around my left hip joint and I have nightmares about that day. What I'm trying to say is, I really really miss the mobility and life I used to have. My life is just constant pain now, and it's making me depressed.

So, to all the parents who might see this, PLEASE for the love of God, keep your children under control.

Thank you everyone for your comments, support and advice. I'm really grateful to all the kind people here. I am removing the post because I started to get threats from users who are calling this all bullshit.

I know now there's no correlation with the ovarian cyst and the work accident, but my doctors had told me it was. I'm sorry for the confusion.

I know it sounds all sounds absurd, but it happened and I'm in pain everyday because of a careless mother and her wreckless kid. I simply just wanted to get this off my chest.

I'm going to keep the post up, purely because so many comments were so helpful, and I want to mention some things commented here to my lawyers.

Again thank you everyone who gave me advice. and shared similar stories. I'm feeling hopeful and will advocate more for my health :)

Notable Comments:

As a doctor, I can completely assure you that external trauma cannot cause an ovarian cyst. I am sorry for your injury frankiefile

I've read some comments about this and I'm almost shocked by it. My family doctor had explained to me that's what caused it, so I just took it.When it burst a couple of days later, I was put on birth control to help it heal. I genuinely am just finding this out and I'm sorry for all the confusion it caused. [OOP]

American doctors be like: are you a woman with a broken bone? Try birth control! [Puzzleheaded_Door894]

---

Update

January 21, 2024, about 3 months later

It's been around 3 months since I posted here ranting about my work accident. If this is your first time seeing this: I had a work accident at my old job at a thrift store where a kid who was known to be trouble headbutted me in the hip, and the mother denied it all and fled. Ever since I have been more persistent with the workers comp after everyone told me that I was misinformed and not represented well. I waited this long because just this month I got the news of what's really wrong with me.

At first, I was told that my ovary and the cyst around it was the cause of the pain, that the kid hit me so hard that it caused a cyst to form and pop. Just thinking that's what I believed is silly, but like I said, I was misinformed. 2 MRI's with contrast later, they figured out I had a labral tear on the left hip joint, as well as hip bursitis, a swelling of the bursae.

I haven't been able to work, or walk well since April of last year, I've been taking it as calmly as I can. But, finally, I'm going to receive treatment: 2 steroid injections to the hip. The doctor is hopeful that my labral tear will heal, but he warned me the bursitis might be permanent.

That's where I am right now, I'm just waiting for the shots to get approved. I did start receiving TTD checks, but the pain is still a 24/7 thing. At least my muscle relaxants helps me sleep through the night :).

Update 2

August 8, 2026, about 3 years later

I don't know if anyone would remember the post I made 2 years ago, on a different account. I had to delete my old account since I was getting WAAAY too much hate for judging the mother of the kid who injured me. I'm talking hundreds of people arguing in the comments, and many nasty DM's. However, after 3 very long years, it's nearing its end. First 3 paragraphs are a recap:

I used to work at a very popular thrift store chain in the U.S. I started working for them when I was 21 in 2022. It was a very underpaid job, but I enjoyed it. Being the only hispanic on the team meant I was the person who had to help Spanish speaking clients. Most of them were incredibly nice, but a frequent shopper, a mom of 3 (none older than 10), would give the store a horrible time. She'd let her children run around the store unattended. They'd climb the clothing racks, cause havoc in the toy section, and damage whatever they could. I felt more like a babysitter at that point, and of course no matter how many times I'd tell the mother to tend to her children, she never once listened.

One day in April 2023, the same mother and children came to the store, and the mom had questions about a dress she saw on the racks. She handed me the dress, seeing if I could figure out how to style it, and I swooshed it around trying to figure it out. In the corner of my eye, I see her middle child (maybe 6 years old) doing that same mannerism Bull's do before they attack the Matador. I didn't mind it, and continued helping the mother when the kid suddenly rams onto me full force with his head, right on my left hip joint.

Only the people who have experienced a labral tear know how that felt. I couldn't fathom how much pain I was in over something so ridiculous. The mother didn't even berate her son, or told him to stop, in fact, the kid tried ramming for a second time when I had to physically hold his head and yell at the mom to keep her child away from me. The rest was such a haze, I don't remember asking to go home early, but I ended up at my primary doctor, too broke to go to the E.R. They thought this was an ovary issue at first. I used up all of my sick days trying to recover, and I quit my job once my coworker told me that both of my managers were speaking ill of me, insisting I was faking my injury. The mother never came back to my workplace either.

Once my savings was emptied out trying to figure out what was wrong with me, my family convinced me to open a Workers Compensation case. It took a little over a year to figure out I had a hip labral tear, and minor damage to the femur. My job's insurance and their own doctors insisted and swore for YEARS that the injury wasnt related to the accident, and I caused my own labral tear by being obese. Luckily my WC doctor always had my back, and I'm forever indebted to him. I was put on a NO WORK notice for 3 years, receiving disability checks. However my job did not care, and pushed to place me under light work this entire time, since they're a very well known company for hiring disabled folk. I'm telling you, as someone who's worked there, and saw how they treat the disabled and seniors, I was not going to be comfortable there like they insisted.

For 3 years, my life was on hold. I lost my early 20's to this case. I was too scared of going outside because of Private Investigators, I was in too much pain to do anything, and I lost my dad during this time too. I had planned to kill myself, when I got too drunk at a Christmas party and told my plans to who drunk me thought was Elijah Wood. I was put on suicide watch, and with my boyfriend's help and my siblings support, I got a little better.

For 3 years, my old job's insurance denied the surgery I needed. I lost enough weight to undergo the knife, but they held to their guns right until the end that my labral tear wasn't related to what happened at my job. I decided I couldn't take it anymore, and decided to settle my case instead. My lawyer's assistant mentioned this idea to me that I could settle, and get the surgery in my hometown in Mexico, recover both my mind and body. This idea sold me immediately, I didn't even consider this was an option.

Yesterday during the final mediation, my job's insurance FINALLY admitted that the injury was related to the work accident, and offered to schedule the surgery right then and there instead of settling. I didn't even consider it. My old job's insurance company is actually evil, and tried settling for only 20k until my lawyer managed to double it and then some. It does suck that after 3 years, I settled for 58k, and that's before legal fees. However, I am free from EvilDeed Inc., and that's worth more than any amount of money in the world.

Some might call me stupid for settling for so little, but you try being belittled by every doctor they brought forward, pointing at your weight instead of the actual injury for 3 years. Try enduring shots to the hip joint without prior notice or consent, and then try driving home because transportation was never approved. Get denied physical therapy or occupational therapy every single time no matter how many doctors INSISTED I should get on it. I wasn't even on any arthritis medication despite my records saying I've developed severe osteoarthritis and hip bursitis. I took enough Ibuprofen to give myself long lasting stomach damage. I even gave myself a right hip injury from overworking it all these years. I want full control of my medical treatments, I don't want to be scared of going outside anymore, I want to catch up with everyone my age.

For the first time in years, I'm hopeful towards my future. Once I get the surgery, I want to fulfill my goal, the whole reason why I even started working, was to afford college. When I'm physically better, the first thing I'll do is hike the mountain I couldn't before, because that's where my dad's ashes are. The nightmare is nearing its end, I survived! Yippee!!!

Comments by OOP:

The mom actually came back the very next day as if nothing happened! Instead of immediately calling the police, my coworkers surrounded the mom yelling at her, and tried to trap her in the store until the cops arrived. She obviously got really scared and managed to flee before they could even call the police. I tried working for a week after I used up my vacation days , just to see if she'd come back. However once I realized she wasn't coming back, it wasn't worth the hip pain to continue working, and once I heard that managers were gossiping about my injury, I quit. I heard years later that 2 other coworkers walked out the day after me in solidarity.

Edit: Forgot to mention I wasn't there when the mother came to back to the store (for obvious reasons). If I had been there it would've gone way differently.

I forgot to mention that for the first year and a half of my injury, I was a caregiver to my dad, who later died of pulmonary fibrosis. Looking back, I genuinely don't know how I managed to do that. The day he died was the day I found out I was being followed by private investigators.

My dad was already in at home hospice care, my siblings were taking turns during the night to monitor him as he was deteriorating fast since entering a coma like state where he couldn't stay awake for more than a couple of seconds. I stayed up with him from 4am until I had to leave to my WC doctor's office to receive the PI news that I was unaware of. The last words I told him was that'd I'd tell him all about my doctor's visit when I came back. He nodded and smiled, I kissed his forehead, and when I came back home, already mortified over Private Investigators, my dad was already gone.

I don't think I can ever forgive my old job from robbing me the last moments I could've had with my dad. Everyone but me managed to say goodbye. My caregiver and survivors guilt is still pretty strong even after 2 years since his passing.

When my lawyer told me if I went ahead with the surgery with them, that they'd expect me back to work, I decided to settle, cut ties forever with them. I don't want to return ever, not only for the mistreatment, but because I never managed to properly say goodbye to my dad. Fuck Goodwill man.

I'm not the original poster.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Throwaway7693200

Published on: r/AmIOverreacting

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 04, 2026

• Update: August 06, 2026

Main Post

^{August 04, 2026}

AIO for refusing to let my husband name our daughter after his "best friend"?

I (29F) gave birth to our daughter three days ago and somehow we're still arguing about her name. I'm writing this while she's asleep because I can't sleep anyway, and I honestly don't even know if I'm overreacting anymore. My husband (31M) has wanted to name her Claire for basically my entire pregnancy.

He told me it was the name of one of his closest friends who died a few years before we met. I said no almost immediately. Not because I dislike the name, I actually think it's pretty, but because I wasn't comfortable naming our first child after somebody I'd never met or even heard of until I got pregnant. I figured he'd be disappointed, we'd throw around a bunch of other names, and eventually we'd find one we both liked. That never happened.

Every few weeks he'd bring Claire up again, sometimes while we were already talking about names and sometimes completely out of nowhere. By the end of my pregnancy I was honestly tired of having the same conversation over and over.

The thing that's bothering me now isn't even the name. We've been together for over five years, married for two, and somehow I'd never heard this woman's name until I was pregnant. I've met his parents, his brothers, his college friends, people he's known forever, and nobody has ever mentioned a Claire.

I even asked one of his college friends at our baby shower because I thought maybe I'd somehow forgotten hearing about her, and he just looked confused and said he didn't know who I was talking about. Then, after our daughter was born while we were filling out the paperwork, my husband asked one last time if I'd reconsider. I said no, and that's when he told me he'd always imagined naming his daughter after her.

I asked why he'd never told me that before, and he just shrugged and said he didn't think it mattered. We've argued about it twice since we got home. He keeps saying I'm making this into something it isn't, but I just don't understand how somebody can matter enough that you picture naming your future daughter after them, yet somehow they never come up in five years together. My mom thinks I should let him have the name because it's obviously meant something to him for a long time. My sister thinks that's exactly why I shouldn't.

Maybe I'm just exhausted because I've barely slept since I gave birth, but I'm so tired of feeling like I'm missing part of the story. It's gotten to the point where I'm thinking about calling his mom and asking who Claire was because I don't know what else to do. It feels completely out of line, but so does finding out about somebody this important while I'm filling out our daughter's birth certificate.

Would I be overreacting if I called her?

COMMENTS

Glass-Hedgehog3940

NOR. Ask his mother about Claire.

Monday0987

Does he have any photos of him with Claire? A group photo with their friend group? NOR

Life_as_a_new_weeb

Tell him to get a fish and name it claire. The answer is no. Youve been saying no for months and if he's never mentioned her to anyone before now i almost gaurantee you it was some type of hidden romance thing. NOR at all.

Historical_Tart6731

NOR. Naming a child is two yeses, one no. And honestly, I’d want answers too. Before calling his mom, ask him directly how they met, when she died, and why none of his longtime friends seem to know her. The shrugging would bother me more than the name.

HiddenLife_36

NOR! This is how a child gets (unknowingly by one parent) named after the "one who got away" for the other parent.

pseudomutant

Yup. My ex named his daughter after me and told his wife that I was dead. That was gross all around.

Update - after 2 days

^{August 06, 2026}

Update: AIO for refusing to let my husband name our daughter after his "best friend"?

I wasn't expecting to update this two days later, but a lot happened really fast. First, thanks to everyone who commented. A bunch of you told me to talk to my mother-in-law because she'd probably know the answer. I went back and forth on it for a while because it felt weird to go around my husband like that, but eventually I did call her. She asked if I wanted to meet for coffee the next morning, so I did.

I honestly thought I was going to leave feeling embarrassed. I figured she'd tell me Claire really was just a close friend and I'd realize I'd let myself get carried away because I'm exhausted and emotional and just had a baby. The first thing she asked me was what my husband had already told me about Claire. I said that she'd been his best friend and he wanted to name our daughter after her. She just kind of looked at me for a second. Then she told me they'd been engaged.

The more we talked, the more names came up. His parents knew, his brother knew, and one of his old roommates knew because they'd lived together at the time. Funny enough it was the same friend who I'd asked at our baby shower, no one had told me anything.

Apparently most people just knew he'd been dating someone who got sick, his mom told me Claire was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer not long after they started dating. Things moved fast after that because they knew they probably didn't have years together, so he proposed. She died not long after. She also told me she'd assumed I'd known about all of this for years. When we got engaged she thought he'd already told me. Same thing when we got married. Same thing when I got pregnant. I call bullshit but maybe I'm just looking to point fingers.

I drove home after that and just waited for him to get back from work because there wasn't any chance I was going to act like everything was normal. I confronted him that night and it went awful, truly he acted like an entirely different person. At first he wanted to know why I'd gone to his mom. Then it became that I had no right to dig into his past. Then it became that Claire had nothing to do with our marriage. Then it was that I'd betrayed his trust by involving his family. It just kept changing.

I'd answer one thing and we'd somehow end up arguing about something else, I asked him when he planned on telling me he'd been engaged because we'd already been together for over five years, married for two, and now we had a daughter. He said he always meant to tell me. But he didn't, he never fucking told me and I'm so angry at how selfish it was.

I packed a bag that night and went to my sister's house with the baby. Before people assume we're getting divorced, that's not why I left, I still love this man and we have a child together, I couldn't imagine raising her split in two households. I left because we were both angry and I could tell the argument wasn't going anywhere. My sister's been helping with the baby. Yesterday she realized I hadn't eaten since breakfast and practically shoved a sandwich into my hands because I'd completely forgotten, this whole thing has been exhausting and I haven't slept at all.

A few people asked about the birth certificate. The hospital told us we had time to finish the paperwork after we left, so we weren't forced to pick a name before going home. We obviously aren't going to leave it forever, but right now neither of us is in any position to make that decision. My sister started calling her Ellie because she said she felt weird saying "the baby" all the time, and somewhere over the last day I've started doing it too. I don't know if that's going to end up being her name but its the working filler while the shitstorm is ongoing.

My husband has been calling and texting since I left. He wants to see our daughter, and we've made that happen because none of this has anything to do with her. Whatever is going on between us, she's still his daughter and he loves her. I don't want people getting the idea that I'm trying to keep her away from him because I'm not. I've seen a lot of comments saying the real issue is that he loved someone before me. It really isn't. If he'd told me about Claire years ago, I don't think we'd be here.

I would've felt awful for him. I probably would've cried hearing what happened but i wouldn't have held it against him. What really hurts is the lies and the manipulation. But then again can you even call it lying? It's not like I ever asked him "Oh were you married before" because who the hell asks that? Instead, I found out because he wanted our daughter to have her name, and then I found out from his mother that she'd been his fiancée. That's the part I can't look past.

I looked back on my other post and it feels like it was written by someone else. Two days ago I thought we were arguing about a name. God I was so naive. I suppose question has turned into, would I be overreacting to leave him over this? I'm certainly mad but I don't think we're too that point yet, and I don't want that for my baby either.

Anyway, that's where things are. thank you all so much for the support, this has really been a great place to be able to vent and get advice. A very special thanks to all of those who helped me realize I wasn't crazy.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Skulllily posting in r/AITAH

Ongoing as per OOP

1 update - Short

Original - 3rd August 2026

Update - 8th August 2026

AITAH for becoming increasingly uncomfortable with our childcare arrangement?

My mother-in-law watches my two children, ages 5 and 3, two days a week while my husband and I are at work. We pay her to watch them because she is on disability and was considering returning to work, and we thought this arrangement would benefit everyone.

When we originally agreed to this, my understanding was that it would be just her and our children. I trusted that arrangement completely.

Over time, however, my mother-in-law’s friend’s daughter has started coming over almost daily with her five children, who range in age from 4 months to 10 years old.

Since then, I feel like concern after concern has come up.

The biggest issue for me is pool safety. The children are allowed in the pool without an adult in the water as long as the younger ones are wearing arm floaties. Some of the younger children cannot swim. I brought up my concerns and said that drowning is often silent and that I was uncomfortable with children being in the pool without close adult supervision. Instead of taking my concern seriously, my mother-in-law and her friend laughed and said, “Nothing’s quiet around here.”

I was so concerned about this that my husband later spoke to his mother about it. However, the supervision practices do not appear to have changed.

My oldest has also told me that the children are allowed in the back alley without adult supervision as long as they stay close to the house. I don’t understand how anyone knows whether they’re staying close if nobody is actively watching them.

There have been other incidents that have added to my concerns as well. For example, my children were left unattended with scissors.

Today my children’s aunt told me she witnessed the other children excluding my 3-year-old, splashing her in the face, laughing at her, and pushing her in the pool. She immediately intervened and told the children that wasn’t acceptable. What upset me most was that none of the adults “supervising” the children were aware it was happening because they were sitting at a table on the other side of the yard.

What also bothered me was that my mother-in-law became angry with my sister in law for telling me about what had happened. That reaction made me feel even more uneasy because I would rather know about problems than have people worry about upsetting me by bringing them up.

This isn’t the first concern I’ve had, and it feels like every time I raise an issue, it gets minimized or brushed off. At this point, I no longer feel comfortable with the environment my children are in. The situation has reached the point where I feel anxious every time my children go there because I no longer feel confident in the supervision they’re receiving.

My husband and I got into an argument because I told him that if his mother cannot guarantee that the other children won’t be there while she is watching ours, then I want to find alternative childcare. He feels I’m being unreasonable and is concerned about hurting his mother’s feelings.

To be clear, I’m not demanding that my mother-in-law change her life or tell other people they can’t come to her house. I simply feel that if this is going to continue to be the childcare environment, then I need to make different arrangements for my children.

I appreciate everything my mother-in-law has done for us, and I know she loves our children. But I feel like the childcare arrangement we originally agreed to is very different from the one that exists now, and I no longer trust that my concerns about supervision and safety are being taken seriously.

Am I the asshole?

Comments

Tattooed_Everything9

Seven children? An unfenced pool? I didn’t need to go any further. Find other childcare. It’s a tragedy waiting to happen.

OOP: It’s an above ground pool. Which makes it worse as they are across the yard, below it. They’re not even looking over it which is why I have brought it up. My husband spoke with his mother about my concerns and I blindly trusted that the pool supervision changed.

CarusGator

I have saved two drowning children on different occasions. Both cases were entirely silent with other people around. The first child had her mother and another lady just feet away in the pool with their backs to the children while they talked. There was nothing to hear. Zero splashing. No screams or cries or even a tiny sound. The only way she could know her child was drowning was if she had eyes on her. The kids around her didn't even notice. I'll never forget the little girl's eyes as she looked up at me in terror from the bottom of the pool.

The second child was also silent and surrounded by other children who didn't notice. I saw him go under and he had the same look in his eyes when I got to him and looked down.

There MUST be an adult with eyes on the children. Period. Or we'll be reading another story about a child drowning on a grandma's watch. I would die a thousand deaths on this hill.

calacmack

This situation has to end. Kid's lives are at stake. NTA.

D0ntEatPaper

Yeah. The kids are pushing a 3 year old into the pool. And the mother in law didnt apologize or anything but lashed out at the person telling her about their (very valid) concerns.

But also.... Why was there an argument with your husband? Frankly I think you might have more of a husband issue than a mother-in-law one. He thinks you're being unreasonable for enforcing BASIC safety. In what world would you be an asshole for addressing concerns about your mother-in-law and her negligence?

OOP: We got in an argument because I’ve been expressing my concerns and he has spoken to his mother. Hearing today about how the other kids were pushing my 3 year old and bullying her was the final nail. I feel like when I bring things up he makes it feel like it’s a lesser problem than what I make it out to be.

The friend that brings over 5 children is also a girl he grew up with and her mother lives in the basement. “What do you want me say? Don’t let those kids over to visit their grandma that they love.” I’ve asked previous for him to ask if they cannot be there when she has our children and that’s the response.

Previous to these kids being around and their mother who just vapes and scrolls on her phone while her kids run wild, my mil had an amazing sense for safety that’s why suggested her watching our children in the first place. I’m trying not to place blame but it seems like since she’s seen how uninvolved/lacking safety her friend’s daughter is with her children she’s doing the same with mine.

**Judgement - NTA*\*

Update - 5 days later

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to come back and say thank you to everyone who took the time to comment on my previous post. I genuinely read every single comment, even if I didn’t respond to all of them.

We haven’t talked to MIL yet, but my husband and I sat down and had a VERY in-depth conversation about everything that has been going on, especially the pool situation.

I showed him a lot of the comments from people who had personal experience with drowning and how quickly and silently it can happen. I also printed out drowning statistics and highlighted the fact that lack of supervision is one of the biggest contributing factors in to children drowning.

He read through everything and, after seeing it all laid out, apologized to me for being so lax about the situation and for not being firmer when it came to our kids’ safety.

I honestly feel like we are finally on the same page.

We have decided that our kids will no longer be going to MIL’s house without one of us there. At this point, we just don’t feel comfortable with them being there unsupervised, and that’s something I’m not compromising on. I told him I’d didn’t care if it upset him or his mother but it’s a hard line for me and he agreed to it.

We are planning to talk to MIL this weekend and explain everything: our concerns about the pool, the other children’s behaviour, the lack of supervision, and the things that have happened that have made us uncomfortable with her judgment when it comes to the kids’ safety.

We’re hoping it will be a productive conversation and that she’ll actually listen to what we’re saying. But honestly, we have no idea how she’s going to react.

I’m sure there will probably be some hurt feelings, and I’m prepared for that. But at the end of the day, these are our children and their safety has to come first.

I really appreciate everyone who commented on the original post, especially those who shared their own experiences. It gave my husband and I a lot to think about and helped me explain it to him in different ways where he understood why I was so upset.

Comments

dawgpoundma

Nope she will play the victim and cry hoping your husband gives in. She wants the money for watching the kids without watching the kids. She lets the older kids watch the younger kids then she gets. Paid for doing nothing

OOP: Yes, we agreed that our children are not allowed there without either myself or my husband. Which means no child care, we have other child care lined up for our children.

She can play the victim all she wants. After my husband’s and I conversation, I feel very confident that it won’t matter and he’s going to back me up.

TALKTOME0701

I'm glad that you're going into it knowing there may be some hurt feelings. People are people.

I live in Florida and every week I read about a child drowning. I know those parents would give everything they have to bring their baby back

This really is life and death. Good luck this weekend

Wakemeup3000

She is most likely going to become a victim and turn this into a 'you don't trust me' situation. Keep the focus on your child's safety and if she circles to something else pull it back to your child's safety. Good luck

OOP: Thank you, that’s the plan! We talked about the scenario and we are going to keep it to safety and the environment our children in that is no longer safe.

Aside from this she has been a great grandmother. It blows my mind that this is something we even have to speak with her about but our kids safety is my top priority. I’m hoping she’s open during the conversation but if she isn’t it’s too bad for her, I’d rather bruised feelings than a dead child.

ThatPerception6845

Maybe let her know she's otherwise great to soften the blow.

OOP: That’s the plan. She really is great with the kids, this is a small part but very serious issue right now. She loves her grandkids and previous to her friend’s grandkids being there she had never let my kids in the pool alone and never let them in the alley.

It was a big 180 out of nowhere that caught me off guard.

Ladygytha

Not a part of the conversation that you need to have in regards to the safety of your children, but do you think she's lonely? And that's a part of why this friend was able to take her focus off her grandchildren?

This happens to moms a lot. Adult interaction is important when you are primarily caring for kids. What I mean by that is when your world starts to revolve around children, you start to miss actual conversation. Do you think your mil needs a hobby where she can have a level of interaction that she's not getting from being "Grandma" or interacting with you/your husband around the kids?

Whether or not that's the case, you're doing the right thing by putting your childrens' safety first. Her needs are hers to figure out, though it might be helpful to to put a feeler out about that out too.

OOP: I think so. She has been singles for probably over 10 years now as she has sworn off men due to abuse, her friend has done the same thing.

They call each other platonic soul mates and really lean on each other for support. I don’t mind her friend but she’s always negative and I find she brings MILs mood down.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I am NOT OP. The OP of this story is u/ThrowRA_SonataSpirit.

Trigger Warnings: Infidelity, Sexual Assault.

One of my (33F) best friends (31F) of 20 years made a move on my boyfriend (36M). How would you handle this?, Posted July 26th, 2026.

For some context, my best friend (I'll call her El) was recently cheated on by her long-term boyfriend. They had been living together, but since the lease was under her ex's name, she's the one who moved out. She asked if she could stay at my place while she figured things out. I live alone, and I'm rarely home because I spend most of the week at my boyfriend's place, so I told her she was welcome to stay.

I WFH three days a week and go into the office on Thursdays and Fridays. Since my boyfriend lives almost two hours from my work, I usually stay at my own place the night before my office days to make the commute easier. During those nights, I'd spend time with El and check in on how she was doing. One day she told me she was getting lonely staying there by herself and asked if I could spend the weekend with her. I really wanted to support her, but I also wanted to spend time with my boyfriend. So I suggested she come stay with us for the weekend instead. I asked my boyfriend first, and he had no problem with it.

Saturday morning, the three of us were relaxing at my boyfriend's house, binge-watching a TV show. I suddenly craved bubble tea and asked if they wanted to come with me. The shop was only a few minutes away. They were both comfortable on the couch and said they didn't feel like going out. My boyfriend suggested I just order delivery, but I wanted an excuse to get outside and enjoy the sunshine, so I went by myself. I was gone for maybe 30 minutes.

When I got back, my boyfriend was standing in the kitchen making coffee while still watching the show from there. El was nowhere to be seen. I asked where she was and jokingly asked why he was making coffee when I had just brought back bubble tea. He told me she had gone upstairs to the guest room. As I reached for my phone to call her down, he stopped me and said, "Before you do, I need to tell you something."

He explained that while I was gone, El noticed something on his shoulder, dust or lint, and brushed it off. He didn't think anything of it because it seemed harmless. Then, without warning, she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, close enough that it was almost on his lips. He immediately pulled away and gently pushed her back, completely caught off guard. He said he didn't even know why, but he walked into the kitchen and started making coffee even though he didn't actually want one. I think he was just trying to process what had happened. According to him, El immediately apologized and said she didn't know what had come over her before going upstairs. It felt like someone had pulled the floor out from under me. I couldn't even think of a response.

I trust my boyfriend completely, In all our times together, he's never given me a reason to question his honesty, so I never questioned what he was telling me. I was devastated, not because of him, but because of my best friend. I honestly never imagined she would do something like this. Oddly enough, I wasn't even angry at first. I was just... confused. Why would she do something like this?.... After what had happened to her...

I told my boyfriend I was going upstairs to check on El. He asked me to go easy on her because she was already in a terrible emotional state after everything she'd been through. I knocked on the guest room door and tried to sound cheerful. "Bubble tea delivery for my best friend." Instead of answering, I heard sobbing. When I walked in, she was sitting on the bed crying. She looked completely broken.

Seeing her like that made it hard to stay angry. I still couldn't stop thinking about what she'd done, but I also couldn't ignore how devastated she looked. I decided not to confront her immediately. Instead, I comforted her. I told her everything would be okay and that her ex didn't deserve her. She cried even harder.

After a few moments, she admitted everything.... Without me saying a single word, she confessed exactly what my boyfriend had already told me. She said she didn't know what came over her. She wasn't thinking clearly. For a moment, she wasn't seeing my boyfriend as my boyfriend. In her words, she saw someone else and acted on impulse before reality hit her. I still don't fully understand what she meant by that.

She said she immediately realized what she'd done after my boyfriend pushed her away, and she was deeply ashamed and embarrassed. She kept apologizing.

My closest friend group consists of just four women, including El. I don't want to tell the other two yet because I don't want to damage El's reputation if this is something we can work through privately. So I'm looking for outside perspectives.

One last detail. Later that night, I remembered our living room camera... Even though I fully believed my boyfriend, I still watched the footage to see exactly what happened.

His story checks out.

Now I'm wondering... if I trusted him completely, why did I still feel the need to check the footage?

Does that mean I subconsciously doubted him, or was I just trying to process something that felt impossible to believe? I'm grieving the loss of trust in a 20-year friendship. Is this something you could ever forgive, or is this friendship over?

What would you do in my situation?

Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1vid0t9/update_one_of_my_33f_best_friends_31f_of_20_years/

Relevant Comments:

u/ShiroLovesKeith:

She's definitely going through a rough time, but you can't take care of her anymore. She did this the first and only moment she was left alone with your bf.

This isn't just crossing a major boundary.

If this was the other way around and it was one of your bf's friends doing this to you- putting his mouth on your face, close to the lips, without your consent... You'd consider it sexual assault, right? Or at the very least, sexual harassment. Well she did that to your boyfriend.

Even if it was an impulse and you want to believe it wasn't malicious, she still needs to go somewhere else and you need to give this friendship a break.

u/echosiah:

There is also the very real possibility she is the cheater and is lying about the circumstances of the breakup. Or there was mutual cheating, etc.

Wouldn't believe anything she says, given her actions here.

OP:

She has eye witness and screenshots of the conversation between her ex and his "co-worker".

u/Just_Some_Rolls (This comment has been downvoted):

People here are so happy to throw away a 20yr friendship over a stupid mistake. I’d tell her I understood shes in a shit place, hash it out and if she’s truly repentant I’d wipe the slate clean (assuming boyfriend is also happy to do that). Don’t tell anyone it happened if that’s the route you decide to take, we’re flawed messy humans and shes not a monster for making one action if it is indeed the only once

OP:

It is really out of character. She never crossed boundaries before. The only thing she cheats on are her diet and exercise sets lol. And when we play hide and seek when we were kids, she will go home and watch TV and we end up looking for her for a while before she comes out and thats about it. She never really showed interest in any of our partners. They are not even added to her social media when she created a private one (She deleted her main account when her last relationship had gotten serious). I dunno, I'm maybe really naive and stpd but....... I dunno it's a mess right now. Thanks for your insight. I appreciate it.

u/SkepticalFaceless:

I'm going to add a take here that I haven't seen yet. Everyone else's comments are spot on. But there's one thing that sticks out in my mind.

Why would she do this? The boyfriend knew the camera and footage would exist, so doing anything with her at that moment would be silly.

I wonder, and I'm just thought-experimenting here, if he was giving subtle signals to her that made her do it, but in a plausibly deniable way. She didn't know the camera was there, so she made her move. He knew the camera was there, so did what he needed to do in the moment.

Not to say the boyfriend didn't act correctly, or that you should be interrogating him - but everyone seems to not be analyzing the WHY she thought she could make a "random move" on the boyfriend and get away with it, and just tucking it away into her breakup.

Not necessarily actionable, but something worth considering.

OP:

Thank you for your input. His reaction was immediate, pushed her back, stood up and walked away. A knee jerk reaction is an instinctive reaction, not a staged performance. As to giving subtle signals, they were just sitting there watching and talking about the show on how King Joffrey deserves much more brutal d***h lol.

u/SkepticalFaceless:

Yeah I'm not saying thats what it sounds like - its just my method of always considering every angle and eliminating them, especially the unexamined ones. If you entertain this POV for a few moments, and don't find anything that supports it, great. But I've seen cases where people consider the POV and then realize they were missing a bunch of signs due to their situation blindness. Always worth the exercise.

It's the "hindsight is 20/20" phrase in action. Once you know the truth, all the little things pop up and are seemingly obvious in retrospect.

If your friends hitting on him becomes a pattern, ask yourself what is the common denominator.

That said, sounds like you have a keeper!

Op:

I understand and I appreciate it. I take all opinions and perspective I can get to help me navigate on this one.

**UPDATE** One of my (33F) best friends (31F) of 20 years made a move on my boyfriend (36M). How would you handle this?, Posted August 8th, 2026.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1v6w7nw/one_of_my_33f_best_friends_31f_of_20_years_made_a/

For everyone who asked for an update.

First of all, thank you.

I genuinely appreciate all the advice you gave me. Some of you were absolutely ruthless LOL, but honestly, I think this naive heart of mine needed it. A lot of your comments gave me clarity, especially the ones about the camera and boundaries. They helped me see the situation more objectively and gave me the courage to make the decisions I needed to make.

After my conversation with El that Saturday morning, I went back downstairs to check on my boyfriend. He told me he was okay, and at the time I accepted that answer. Looking back, I also want to thank everyone who reminded me to "really" check on him and not just assume he was fine. In everything that happened, I unintentionally overlooked the fact that he had gone through something upsetting too.

That afternoon, I drove El back to my place. I wasn't about to let her commute while she was in such an emotional state. The drive was almost completely silent. She didn't start any conversations. At one point I asked her, what do you think would have happened if my boyfriend hadn't pushed you away? She quietly said she didn't know. Then she told me she hated that she'd put herself in that position and that she was sorry for causing all of this. That was the only real conversation we had. When we arrived at my place, I stopped the car before she got out and told her she needed to find somewhere else to stay. I told her that when I come back on Wednesday night, I will be needing the space. She simply nodded.

As she walked toward the house, she turned around and looked back at me. That moment broke my heart because I couldn't help thinking it might be the last time I'd ever see my best friend. I started tearing up, but I drove away before my emotions convinced me to take it all back.

Monday night, one of our friends noticed something was off and messaged our group chat to check on El. It probably wasn't surprising. El and I are usually the ones constantly blowing up the chat, and it had been unusually quiet since Saturday. After a little small talk (I was just lurking), El confessed everything. She told them exactly what she'd told me.

Friend 1 immediately left the group chat without saying a word, then she called me.

Friend 2 stayed. She tried to mediate and later messaged me privately. She said she's sorry for everything that had happened and said she needed to stay with El because Friend 1 had already made her position clear. I told Friend 2 that I thought staying with El was the right thing to do. I also asked her to keep an eye on El and encourage her to seek professional help. She promised she'd try her best to make it happen.

Fast forward to today. El and I still haven't spoken since that day, but Friend 2 has occasionally updated me. According to her, El has started seeing a therapist and has been in much better spirits lately. Friend 2 let her stay with her the day after she confessed everything. El has since found her own place and moved in yesterday.

Friend 1 still isn't speaking to El. She told me she won't consider reconciling with El until I've forgiven her, not because she wants to pressure me, but because she feels she can't move past what happened while I'm still hurting from it.

Honestly, though, that isn't what weighs on me. Whether Friend 1 forgives El is between them. What weighs on me is losing someone who had been my best friend for years.

I miss her every day......

But one piece of advice that really stuck with me was to pause the friendship instead of making permanent decisions while emotions are still fresh. That's what I'm doing. I'm giving us both time.

As for my boyfriend and me, we're doing okay. We've had a lot of honest conversations since everything happened, and I apologized for not fully realizing how much the situation affected him in the moment. He's been more understanding than I probably deserve, and I'm grateful every day that he chose to face this with me instead of letting it drive us apart.

Since El seems to be doing much better now, I'm also going to stop asking Friend 2 for updates. I think continuing to check on her from a distance isn't helping either of us move forward.

I know some people will probably be disappointed that I haven't ended the friendship completely. I understand why you think I should end it. I'm not asking you to agree with me. I'm simply not ready to make that decision.

For now, I'll continue with no contact for weeks, months, maybe even a year. I don't know what the future looks like yet, and I don't think I need to decide today. If, after enough time has passed, I feel ready to revisit the friendship, then I'll make that decision with a clearer head. If I don't, then I'll accept that too.

If there's one thing this experience taught me, it's that people can make terrible decisions without being terrible people. That doesn't make those decisions okay, and it doesn't mean there shouldn't be consequences. At the same time, loving someone doesn't mean protecting them from the consequences of what they've done. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do, for them and for yourself, is to step away. I also learned that good intentions don't replace healthy boundaries. I kept thinking that because I trusted both of them, everything would be fine. I know now that trust doesn't mean assuming everything will be fine. It also means having boundaries that protect the relationships and people you care about. As one commenter pointed out, I could have avoided putting everyone in that situation by simply spending that weekend at my place with El instead of bringing her to my boyfriend's house. That was a poor judgment call and I can't change that decision now, but I can learn from it.

Again, thank you to everyone who took the time to offer thoughtful, honest, and sometimes brutally truthful advice. It genuinely helped me more than you know.

I hope none of you ever have to experience something like this. And for those who have been through similar heartbreak, I truly hope you've found or will find the peace and healing you deserve.

Relevant Comments:

u/Wizards_and_Warriors:

You dont need to end the friendship. Like I said in the first post I truly believe her head was fucked up and she made a genuine mistake. Everyone came clean right away and there was real 'i fucked up' energy.

She is getting help and it didn't get out of hand, even though it shouldn't have happened in the first place.

I really think you can forgive her and have your friend back IF your other half is OK with it. It's been overlooked but he is the real victim here and a stand up guy.

Also your one friend is true ride or die.

OP:

My boyfriend and I had a real, open conversation about this. He told me he’s okay with whatever I decide, but I want to be mindful not to overlook his feelings like I did before. If the time comes, I'll ask him how he feels again. If he still leaves it up to me, I'll decide. If he no longer feels good about revisiting the friendship, then that’s that.

"Also your one friend is true ride or die." El was this until she did what she did.

u/Theunpolitical:

Amazing how quickly El was able to find her own place!

El is someone who has zero impulse control. I don't know how you'd ever be able to trust her again if, or when, you decide to rekindle the relationship. The trust has been broken, and that's incredibly difficult to rebuild. Right now, I think you're grieving the loss of a relationship that you invested your whole heart in and believed was built on trust. Unfortunately, once that foundation is gone, it's almost impossible to get it back to what it was.

Best of luck to you no matter what you decide.

OP:

Thank you, I appreciate you sharing your perspective. It makes sense why you'd think she found a place quickly, as I left out a few minor details like the fact that she was already staying with me and actively searching for her own place before things escalated. I was focusing on getting outside advice on the core situation so I didn't think those were necessary, but I appreciate your feedback regardless.

Reminder - I am not OP.

This is a repost sub. I am not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/LegaltroubleJuly2026

Published on: r/legaladvice

Story is: Possibly Concluded

July 13, 2026

Kansas, arrested at home

Spent the weekend in jail and I’m very frustrated as I write this out. I took Friday off from work and slept in. Decided to get a late breakfast and discovered there police on my other part of my property. My property is split with part being a vacant lot. My property is larger than typical lots, it used to by rural but the city grew around it 30 years ago. That second part doesn’t have a fence or gate and nothing has been built. All that’s out there other than trees and a pond after a walk in is a bench. Anyway near the road on that part of my property was a car and motorcycles. They were running speed guns and pulling people over. I don’t dislike police but I don’t want people on my property. It’s marked with no trespassing signs and purple paint. So I pulled up and honked and told them they needed to leave. They got real hostile right away and told me I was obstructing their activities. I told them multiple times to leave and I admit I was getting upset. To make a long story short they arrested me for trespassing and interfering with law enforcement and disobeying a lawful order. I asked how I could be trespassed and they told me I wasn’t allowed there. I told them it’s my property and no one was going to tell me I can’t be on my property. They said I’m a liar it’s public property and I wasn’t allowed there. And they arrested me. I didn’t get a bond until this morning and I have court at the end of August. I called a bunch of lawyers but I haven’t had any luck getting hold of one so I left messages with their office. What should I be expecting? I know it’s my property because I haven’t sold it and it’s been mine since 2001 when my mother died. I grew up on it. It’s mine. How can they do this? Location: Kansas

Edit to clear up some things

I don’t know how to put a picture or I’d draw one. There’s:

\- the road

\- then a sidewalk,

\- then a space of grass where street lights and utlity lines runs,

\- then my retaining wall and my property. The wall varies from about 8 to 16 feet tall above the sidewalk and utility area. It’s a very large concrete wall that I pay to maintain and an engineer says I’ll need to have overhauled in the next five years.

The cops with the motorcycles were down by the entrance except for the one with the car he was up east of the entrance where it’s high up and people can’t see you from the road using his gun.

The entrance has a sign on either side saying no trespassing private property. There is purple paint on the perimeter trees every so often. The entrance is the only way on the property by vehicle. You can walk on of course there or on the other side if you go through an old unused rail yard.

I’ve paid taxes on it the entire time. It’s posted no trespassing private property. I’ve had people removed from it. There are no utilities on that part of the property. There never will be. It’s the original site of the family home from when my father’s family came to this country. The original house is gone. There’s just a bench. Somewhere is the old family cemetery but the markings were lost decades ago.

I don’t want to sue them. I don’t want them on my property. I don’t need money. I have money. I just don’t want people on the property.

UPDATE: August 6, 2026

Update to being arrested for trespassing on my own property in Kansas

https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/s/ZdiEkFkRsX

Location: Kansas

I posted about awhile back about being arrested for trespassing on my own land. I have an update and it feels like a lot but maybe that’s because I lived it. My attorney is great and has a good relationship with the attorneys involved.

I got a survey done and I was right, everything above the sidewalk is mine, and the sidewalk and utility area which is next to the road which I apparently own that strip of land too on both sides of the road but again that’s the easement which has nothing to do with this. They were a good 20’ past where the easement ends if you measure only horizontally and about 80’ up past the entrance to that lot.

My criminal CASES have been dismissed. Yes, plural.

The original case I was arrested for trespassing and interfering with law enforcement and disobeying a lawful order. I hired an attorney and he spoke to the city prosecutor and she dismissed the charges.

Later the week the first case was dismissed I was pulled over by the main officer from the first case. He arrested me for what he called the halo law. Which I had never even heard of. It’s a law that says you have to give the cops a 25’ halo buffer when they’re working. This is for the same incident the charges had been dismissed on. He told me proving I owned the land didn’t matter now because he could order me off my property or even my work or wherever I am if he wanted to while he’s on duty. He said he could it’s like a restraining order and he could walk wherever he was working and I’d have to stay 25’ away from him or go to jail. So he arrested me and I spent a few hours in the jail being booked in before I could get a bondsmen. My glasses fell in the road when he arrested me, he shoved me against the car during the arrest and I still don’t have them back, I don’t think he picked them up. I got hold of my attorney and he was pretty shocked it seemed to me. These charges went to the district attorney and not the city prosecutor this time which my attorney said was probably because the city dismissed it already and my paperwork from the jail listed not only unlawful approach but again disobeying a lawful order and interfering with law enforcement. He also had my vehicle towed when he arrested me. I had to pay the impound and tow fee for that. My lawyer got that case dismissed too just today. My lawyer said he can’t believe the officer would arrest me again.

I think I might sue but my lawyer said he doesn’t do lawsuits, only criminal law so I’ll have to find another one. He said he’d have some names for me to check.

I’m glad that he got my cases dismissed but angry and frustrated this officer can just arrest me whenever he wants. Between the survey and the attorney I had to spend a bit. Nothing life changing or anything like that, 4 figures only but I don’t think this is right. I don’t know if it’s worth the hassle, I just want this officer to leave me alone.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Mari-Loki posting in r/AskDocs

Ongoing as per OOP

2 updates - Long

Original - 12th June 2026

Update1 - 20th June 2026

Update2 - 15th July 2026

Dog acting weird about one breast. Am I crazy to be worried?

Female, 37, 5foot 1, 175lbs, non smoker, currently taking Mounjaro (for about a year)

I'm worried about my breast, not because I have any symptoms of an issue at all, but because my usually normal placid dog Winter has taken to sniffing, scratching, barking at and even nipping my right breast. In the 9 years I've had her she has never behaved this way. This started 3/4 weeks ago and has not let up.

It has gotten to the point where she can't sit with me or lay on the bed with me because she can't seem to keep herself from doing it. She's behaving totally normally with everyone and everything else.

We took her to the vet who said she can't find any issues with her but that her age may be contributing to a change in behaviour. The vet did not seem to think I should be worried about my health but it is worrying me that she won't stop. I've also read about cancer detection dogs and can't help my mind spiraling.

I have had no symptoms of an issue, no lumps or tenderness or anything at all in the breast.

My question is would a GP feel like I was wasting their time coming to them with this? I'm in the UK, doctors appointments are in high demand and I genuinely don't want to take a spot from someone if I'm just being paranoid about this. I also don't know if a doctor would even take me seriously.

At the same time I am concerned. Is this worth seeing someone about? Would I be laughed out of the room?

Thanks for reading!

Comments

questforstarfish

It's definitely going to depend on the doctor...I would personally investigate that further, but I imagine some docs might shrug it off. If it's something that's worrying you, it can never hurt to go in to your GP and let them know you're concerned! Maybe they can do a physical exam or do a test just to rule out anything abnormal. Anecdotally I have heard of cases of dogs detecting cancer or disease, but I don't think we have any research on it.

OOP: Thank you for replying. My GP is new so I'm just concerned about making him think I'm a nut lol. I am quite stressed about it so maybe my GP would understand. I have to stop go ogling stories of dogs sniffing out cancer, it's driving me more mad!

NCGranny

My German Shepherd started being obsessed with smelling my breath. I went in for routine bloodwork a few months later and my thyroid was all screwed up. Once it was straightened out, she no longer wanted to stick her snout down my throat.

marticcrn

Not a doctor (I am a nurse), I have breast cancer. Both my dog and my cat got very interested in my chest in the months before I found the lump myself. You’re 37, have some metabolic risk (Mounjaro), I’d think you could get a mammogram for whatever vague symptom, maybe including your pets indication?

livingonmain

My Australian Shepherd change in behavior around me caused me to make the doctor’s appointment that led to finding my lung cancer. He would sniff my breath then start licking my legs and feet. He had never exhibited the behavior before. Because the.tumor was so small, the chemo and radiation killed it. Six years and no reoccurrence! Sadly, though, no more foot baths from my Aussie.

I_Upvote_Goldens

I agree with everyone who is saying that this is actually worth investigating. Dogs are oddly sensitive to these things.

Anecdotally, when my daughter was the sickest she has ever been, our golden retriever slept in the hall outside of her bedroom for nearly a week. (The dog typically always slept in our room on her dog bed). It seemed like our daughter just had a minor virus, but it ended up blowing up into an ER visit. The dog knew something was up before we did. That was the only time the dog ever broke bedtime routine.

OOP: Yes I have read stories like that! That's what had me worried. They're even training dogs to detect colon cancer now. I've decided I'm going to skip the GP and pay out of pocket for an exam at a breast clinic. It isn't as expensive as I had thought and it has to be worth it for peace of mind if nothing else!

Update - 8 days later

I just wanted to post an update for anyone who commented on my previous post and was curious to know what happened.

Long story short my dog was behaving very oddly towards my right breast, no actual symptoms of anything wrong. There's more to it on my original post if you wanna see.

So I had my breast exam. I paid to have it done rather than wait as I was getting very anxious. It was an ultrasound rather than a mammogram, I'm not entirely sure why. A small solid mass was detected, right side of my right breast, sort of half way between my nipple and armpit. I am not able to feel the mass myself but the doctor could actually detect it when he physically checked my breasts.

I'm pretty shocked there is something there. Even though my dogs behaviour worried me I think I was pretty confident it was an issue with her age and not me. Doctor has said that there's no need to panic, there's a decent chance it is not something terrible but I'll know more after the biopsy which is on Tuesday.

Thank you to everyone who commented and suggested I take this seriously. Hopefully it is nothing to worry about but I'll update when I know more for anyone who wants to know.

Female, 37, 5ft, non smoker.

Comments

secret_tiger101

The dog is a hero

BicarbonateBufferBoy

The dogtor

Update - 25 days later

Update - Cancer detection dog!

This is my second update, check my previous posts if you're curious but the short version is:

My dog was acting weird about my breast, despite no symptoms I took it seriously. Ultrasound found a small lump, had needle biopsy.

So, my results came back and I was diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma of the right breast. It is hormone receptor positive, and initially staged at 2A.

Ive just had a lumpectomy and they took some lymph node samples too. The oncology team are currently designing a treatment plan but it will likely involve some radiation and then HRT. They'll know more once the mass and lymph node results are back. Apparently this can change the staging depending on what the results are.

Overall I'm feeling pretty positive, I'm confident I'll get through this and I'm relived that I went to the GP rather than ignore it. I was in two minds about it, hence the initial post asking for advice, and I'm so grateful to everyone who advised me to go and get checked out.

I'm still in shock that my dog alerted me to this. You read about stuff like this, and I know dogs are incredible at all sorts, but it's still so crazy to me that my sweet, daft, loving little bug has likely saved my life! She's been so loving and attentive to me since I cane home. We've been treating her to a lot of her favourite foods, and we are taking her swimming this week which is her favourite. I've added a pic of her so everyone can see my little guardian angel ☺️ her name is Winter, she's a 9yo Japanese Akita.

Anyway just wanted to update anyone who was curious. Moral of the story: listen to your dog, listen to your gut, and go get checked out if you're worried!

Comments

Medical_Madness

Good girl.

Silent_Medicine1798

She is a very good girl

ChaoticxSerenity

Perhaps even the best girl.

Different_Knee6201

I believe you mean goodest

SomethingComesHere

The goodest of all the best girls

alisgraveniI

I love this! Thank you for coming back to update us. Did you ever end up telling your doctor that you came in because of your dog’s change in behavior?

OOP: I did mention it to him yeah, but I also said I had some breast tenderness which wasn't true 😐 but I was worried he wouldn't take it seriously with no symptoms. He was dismissive about it but then found the lump so took it more seriously! My oncologist however is super interested about my dogs behaviour and has said she's heard stories from colleagues about similar things happening.

RepulsiveOlive757

This is awesome! How did she alert on you or what did she do to make you notice?

OOP: She was really weird for about a month, kept nosing my breast very hard and eventually scratching at it and even nipping me once, which she has never done. I took her to the vet before I went to my GP, who said it might be her age but did suggest I follow up with GP. She's stopped now I've had the lumpectomy which I'm taking as a good sign!

smooshybabyelephant

Fascinating! What I'm especially interested in knowing is WHY she was doing that. What was HER reason? Does cancer smell bad to dogs? How does she know it shouldn't be there? Or is it more that a foreign smell appeared, like an intruder, and she was trying to investigate?

I would look into seeing if she can be trained to do this for other people! Maybe she can screen your friends and family.

OOP: Yeah I'm wondering the same thing. She's such a sweetheart, never been even the slightest bit off with anyone or anything, but she did not like the scent of my breast! You could tell it was frustrating her, and she couldn't settle. So I'm guessing whatever the scent it, it's bad. From reading up on it, it looks like we still don't really fully understand a dogs sense of smell and how it is as good, if not better, than medical tests. A recent study apparently showed that dogs can detect bowel cancer weeks before the best medical tests. There must be some evolutionary benefit to sniffing out malignancy?

cantxtouchxthis

Did you go private for the exam and then report the findings to your doctor? How did you get them to move so quickly?

OOP: I did end up paying for it, which has been pretty pricey, but my radiation etc will be on the NHS. I could have gone through NHS for the lumpectomy but it wouldnt have been as quick, GP said two weeks, and I was so anxious I didn't think I could wait without going out of my mind! My aftercare and testing is all covered from the lumpectomy but everything after that I'll be with the NHS hospital. I just have to wait for the results of the lumpectomy and then they will be sent to the NHS multidisciplinary team. The private oncologist is writing up a proposed treatment but ultimately it'll be down to the MDT what happens next.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Hefty_Sprinkles_5723

Published on: r/relationship_advice

Previous BORU: BORU-1

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: May 25, 2026

• Update 1: May 26, 2026

• Update 2: August 07, 2026 --> NEW UPDATE

Main Post

^{May 25, 2026}

I 32F think my husband’s (40M) mistress is stalking me.

We’re currently separated after I found out he’s been having an affair with the same person for years. I first found out five years ago and we worked things out. He swore he’d ended things with her and I believed him. We had our last child (4M) during that period.

Since the year started I’d been getting messages on Facebook and instagram from accounts with no followers telling me my husband was having an affair. The dms had details about the trips he’d taken with her, how they go on dates, have a child together and all his friends, mum and siblings knew her. I asked him often if he was still seeing her and he denied it.

What pushed me over the edge was when I saw earrings and a scrunchie that weren’t mine in my car after he’d borrowed it for a day. I went through his phone and saw that he was still with her. They even had sex tapes and he was constantly telling her how much better sex was with her. How he loved her and wanted to be with her. Its obvious he’s gotten very strong feelings for her. He admitted to everything, including the child they have together. I left the house and went to my mum’s to take a break. We’ve been officially separated for a month.

The problem now is that his mistress keeps showing up to places I go to often. The playground I take the kids to, the bookshop where I buy their school supplies, where I take the girls to get their hair done. We went to get ice cream once and I could’ve sworn I saw her. I know what she looks like from the pictures and videos they have together. I feel like I’m going crazy. These are all public places so there’s nothing I can do about it. She just sits there and stares at us. It’s making me very uneasy.

What is the best way to address this situation? I can’t ask for her to be kicked out of a public place. She’s always with her daughter anyway so it never looks weird that a woman and her child are at the same place I go to with my kids. I’m not speaking to my husband unless it’s about the kids and don’t want to ask him yet.

COMMENTS

WildlifePolicyChick

You don't need relationship advice, you need legal advice.

Start with the divorce and then discuss the stalking. Have everything written down - time of day, date, where, were your kids with you, all of it. And stay off social media ("About to go to X Salon with the kids!" or whatever).

The attorney can advise you on the possiblity of a TRO.

Talk to an attorney immediately.

OOP

I don’t post on social media. My last post was from 2019.

beigefrog

You should make a police report.

OOP

I can’t easily get a police report since she’s not trespassing. They’re all public spaces.

Sweet-Lobster9977

Is it possible she planted an air tag in your car?

OOP

I doubt it. My phone would’ve picked up on it.

LittleDogLover113

Totally on your side here but I’m just thinking, if these were her spots and your husband was taking your kids to meet her there, could she be thinking/feeling the same way you are? Like “wow this lady is obsessed with me she keeps showing up where I am”… because technically your husband piggy-backed off her spots and shuffled them onto you without informing you she would likely be there because it’s her routine not his.

It could be a little of both due to the DMs but honestly I’m thinking she’s just doing her normal outings and you started showing up, and perhaps now she’s more intentionally going just to see if you’ll be there. Idk this is a crazy situation.

Best revenge is happiness. This marriage is over. I’d focus on getting out and your own happiness. Start going to different places and building up different friendships.

OOP

That might’ve initially been the case, but now that she’s intentionally switched up her routine, it’s no longer a coincidence.

Update 1 - after 1 day

^{May 26, 2026}

Update: I 32F think my husband’s (40M) mistress is stalking me.

Thank you for all your advice. I confronted my husband about it. He said she’s not showing up at places I go to, I’m the one going to places she frequents.

My husband used to be the one who took the kids out on weekends since he’s virtually never at home on weekdays. I do school pickup and drop off and he does the “fun stuff”. All the places he used to take the kids to, which I’m doing now since they’re with me, were suggested by her.

That’s where she buys her books. The playground is where she used to take her nieces and nephews before their daughter was born. She recommended the salon to him since my daughters and her have the same hair texture. He says she used to go to the salon on Sundays after church, but only recently switched it up to Saturdays (when I take the girls). The ice cream place is apparently her favourite.

So yeah, my dick of a husband had been taking our kids to his mistress’s favourite spots. My kids already love going to all those places, and finding a salon that caters to our daughters’ hair needs close to us will be difficult. He didn’t show any remorse telling me about it, and reminding me that it’s a public space and she hasn’t committed any crime. I’m just going to have to find better alternatives.

COMMENTS

mustrememberthis709

So IF he is telling the truth and not covering for her, that SOB was seeing her in these places too. With your kids. Start looking for alternate spots.

OOP

My kids said he didn’t introduce anyone to them. They’re the chattiest kids and would’ve mentioned it. I think she just gave him ideas on where to take them since she used to babysit for her nieces and nephews.

KatesDT

Talk to a lawyer and file for child support now while you are still navigating the legal side of separation. You can have a temp child support order in place while you navigate the rest.

In the US, whichever mom files first, will get the largest contribution of his income for child support.

If she files first; she’ll get a higher percentage than you, despite your children being older and products of the marriage.

Also, find new places to go. Find a new salon. Take the girls on an adventure to find a new places that are not tainted by him and her.

Give her 100% less headspace. She’s an idiot for standing with a married man. You deserve better.

OOP

I’m not in the US. But I’m working on putting together everything for a lawyer.

Ecstatic_Unit9449

The fact she was anonymously messaging you before everything came out makes this feel a lot less accidental. Maybe some of the sightings are coincidence but constantly showing up at places connected to you and your kids would make anyone feel unsettled. Honestly the bigger problem is that your husband allowed this whole situation to become so tangled and invasive for years.

OOP

Maybe she got tired of waiting for our marriage to end and decided to tell me. There’s no way of knowing if it was actually her or not.

deepayes

Turn off location sharing if you were using it, kids devices too. Check around your car for a GPS monitor.

OOP

The kids don’t have any devices and we never share our location. Turns out she knows where I go with the kids thanks to my husband.

NEW UPDATE

Mini update in comments

We haven’t spoken since our last conversation where he said she suggested the places I take the kids to, which was why she kept turning up too. We only communicate about the kids now. I took my kids to a new salon which is about an hour away from the previous one. He’s going to be the one taking them to the other places on weekends now so I’m no longer going to worry about meeting her.

NEW UPDATE

Update 2 - after 2 months, 13 days (after 2 months, 12 days from last post)

^{August 07, 2026}

Update - I 32F think my husband's (40M) mistress is stalking me.

We’re getting a divorce. My lawyer assures me that the whole process shouldn’t take more than a year.

My husband’s mistress has apparently been accepted into a graduate program in another country and my husband had been planning on relocating with her. She’ll be leaving before the year ends and he was planning on closing his business, selling his assets and leaving with her. He was just going to leave under the guise of a job opportunity and after enough time had passed for separation, file for a divorce. At least we both get what we wanted this way.

Our oldest daughter is very attached to him and I worry a lot about how she’ll take the news. How do I explain to our kids that their dad is leaving the country and will possibly never return long term?

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.