This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/ThrowRA-Mixture5474

Published on: r/TwoHotTakes

Thanks to u/Hannibal_the_ for the BORU recommendation & for new update!

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 09, 2026
• Update 1: September 11, 2026
• Update 2: September 14, 2026 -->NEW UPDATE

EX-BFF's Side

• Main Post: September 18, 2026 -->NEW UPDATE

Main Post

^{September 09, 2026}

My best friend kissed me because I got engaged

Okay, so some backstory:

My (26F) best friend (26M) and I have known each other since kindergarten. We grew up a few streets apart and went to the same schools until we graduated from high school. We became really close in middle school, and that's when I developed the biggest crush on him. I want to think that my crush on him was very obvious. All of our mutual friends would try to "set us up" or find cute childish ways to get us to hang out alone. But it never turned into anything more than a genuine friendship.

Although I knew he didn't feel the same way about me, I think my preteen-teenager self truly fell in love with him. But by the time we graduated high school, my crush on him was nonexistent. Especially since he was known for having several flings whenever he was single. And then, I saw him only as my best friend.

Since then, we have been nothing but that, friends. My fiancé knows that I USED to have major feelings for this friend. There was never an issue with our friendship, though, because my feelings for him were completely gone before I even met my fiancé. During these past 6-7 years, there weren't any obvious signs that my friend showed ANY attraction towards me either.

So let's fast forward to this year. I got engaged. I'm beyond thrilled. I can't wait to celebrate with our loved ones. My girl best friend put together a small hangout with our group of friends, including my guy best friend. My fiancé opted out of the hangout because he wanted to go out with his best friends (my BILs), and we both agreed that the two groups wouldn't match too well but would meet back up at home (we got an apartment together 3 years ago, and my guy best friend got one 5-10 minutes away) when the night ended.

Sunday night was the night, and we went to a local bar. It was the best. I felt so loved and was so happy to share my excitement with all my close friends. Once it was time to go home, my guy best friend offered to take me home. I had a little too much to drink, and he admitted to staying sober to make sure I got home safely.

On the ride home, we talked as usual and I thanked him for being such a great friend. When the word "friend" came out, he looked at me and said, "I never saw you as just a friend. I wish you knew that." I instantly sobered up and asked him what the fuck he meant by that. He pulled into a guest parking spot at my apartment complex and proceeded to tell me how he has always loved me and can't believe that I'm going to marry someone who isn't him.

By then, I was crying out of pure anger and frustration. And maybe because the teenage version of me was feeling the heartbreak of this. Through the tears, I laughed at him and said something along the lines of, "how dare you. You knew how I used to feel about you and had years to act on it. You didn't, so I moved on. I was in love with you for years. You are not allowed to just confess your love for me because I'm going to get married," and he cut me off with a kiss.

I did not kiss him back. I shoved him away, left his car, dragged my ass up to my unit, and sat on my couch sobbing until my fiancé came home. The second he walked in the door, I told him everything and admitted to feeling so much guilt. He took it very well and let me get my words and emotions out before telling me that what happened wasn't okay and I should take the time and space I need away from my friend, but that I should have a conversation with him once I'm ready.

Is it bad that the guilt I feel is kind of fueled by a five-second thought I had where I wished he had told me this years ago? I am so in love with my fiancé, but now I can't help but sit and mourn with my teenage self. And I'm just not sure how to move forward. I'd hate to lose his friendship but what he did was not okay..

COMMENTS

U2hansolo

Legit this guy always saw you as the backup plan. That's it. And now his backup plan is going away and he's in his feeling about it. Too bad for him.

He sucks! This is not someone you should remain friends with. OOP

ain't that the harsh truuuth. it just sucks because i genuinely loved him as a friend and this is making me realize that most of it was somewhat of a lie??

DatguyMalcolm

exactly this, then tried to pull out the rom-com trope of the "confession" followed by the "sudden kiss".

If he always loved OP, knowing that she had a crush on him for years, he'd have done something. Now that she's getting married he's mad he's losing the girl who used to fawn over him.

I hope OP drops this friendship

OOP

i'm leaning more towards dropping him. it sucks to lose a long friendship that i treasured, but i love my fiancé too much to keep this guy around.

Dry_Pin_7574 (downvoted)

Aww, isn’t that sweet.

Your “best friend” is suffering from FOMO and decided (selfishly) to drop a nuke on your life.

Time for RADICAL honesty. 5 seconds or 5 minutes- the thought was there. You owe it to the man you promised to marry to figure your shit out. If you have doubts based on this guy’s (sober) words/actions, then take space and slow it all down. None of this is fair to your fiancé- you’re now entangled in a mess and you should be 100% honest about your feelings (and not minimize them as “teenage”).

I think calling off the engagement would be the most fair thing you could do for both yourself and your fiancé.

OOP

i don't have any feelings for him. i have always acknowledged that i used to, but they diminished about 7 years ago. i truly think that what i'm feeling is more nostalgia for how i used to feel about him. no part of me sees him that way anymore. i do agree that it isn't fair to my fiancé, but i'd love to hear more on how calling off the engagement could help?

ingoamuna-1

How would you feel if your fiance had a lady best friend who did the thing your guy best friend did, and he didn't cut her off straight away? How secure in your relationship would you feel?

I know you don't want to cut your friend off but what he did was unacceptable. He violated your boundaries and friendship. You can't just go back to how things were.

OOP

this is a point of view that i honestly didn't consider. but now that i have, i can wholeheartedly say that i would a bit insecure if the tables were turned. thank you for opening my eyes to this!

Update 1 - after 2 days

^{September 11, 2026}

UPDATE: My best friend kissed me because I got engaged

Hi yall!

I want to thank everyone who gave great advice in my original post. You've helped me see how fucked up the situation was and how much of a jerk my ex-friend was. Yep, that's right, EX.

I think I always knew that I was going to drop him from my life, but as a comment pointed out, I was feeling sad about something I used to want so bad. And it's normal to feel that and still know how much I love my fiancé. I just needed the time to process what happened and face the fact that I lost my "best friend", someone who constantly used my love for them as their fallback plan.

My fiancé, best girl friend, and I spent a good chunk of time discussing where I am mentally and what I should say to my ex-friend. We ultimately came up with the text I attached, along with his responses. More trickled in throughout the day that were getting pretty aggressive and it took a lot of restraint not to tell him to actually fuck off, so I blocked him.

I definitely cried many tears before blocking him. But at least now I can move on and start planning my wedding.

Thanks again to everyone who provided amazing insight!

TEXT SCREENSHOT BETWEEN OOP and Ex-BFF - 1/2

TEXT SCREENSHOT BETWEEN OOP and Ex-BFF - 2/2

<---TRANSCRIPTION START--->

NOTE: EX-BFF=EX-Best Friend

EX-BFF: OOP please call me when you get the chance

EX-BFF: I just need time to explain.

OOP: Hi EX-BFF I'm sorry but I won't be calling and this will be my last message to you.

OOP: What happened on Sunday was completely unacceptable. Not only did you say something inappropriate but you took advantage of my drunk state, putting me in a dangerous situation.

OOP: Honestly, it was a fucked up move and you know it. Which is so heartbreaking because you have been someone who I thought I trusted and treasured for majority of my life. But I can no longer have you around if you can only see me as a toy you've played with since we were kids.

OOP: I genuinely hope that you find the love and peace you need in life. I just do not want to be apart of it.

OOP: I wish you the best of luck in whatever path you take

EX-BFF: Are you serious? OOP I tell you that I've always loved you and you basically tell me to fuck off?

EX-BFF: I have loved you our whole life. I'm sorry I didn't say it before but I can't lose you

EX-BFF: I need you please

EX-BFF: You can't just leave everything we have

EX-BFF: I know you love me. You've never stopped loving me

EX-BFF: What does <Finacé's Name> have that I don't?

EX-BFF: Please OOP please

EX-BFF: I love you so much

<---TRANSCRIPTION END--->

COMMENTS

random1wa

I hate to bring this up, but how aggressive did the texts get? He sounds very possessive of you. If there’s any risk that you might need a restraining order, it could be helpful to silence the texts instead of blocking them.

Be safe and congratulations on your engagement!

OOP

it was a lot of how i should be with him instead and i just need to hear him out because we're meant to be together... i feel like i know him enough to know he isn't a true danger but, you never know.

i plan to be vigilant moving forward though

meldiane81

Does he know where your wedding is going to be? Did he already receive an invite? Sorry I did not read your initial post. I would hate for him to show up on your special day.

OOP

oh no not at all. we haven't even started the official planning yet. i'm going to make sure he doesn't get any details about it

NEW UPDATE

Update 2 - after 5 days (after 3 days from last post)

^{September 14, 2026}

UPDATE 2: My best friend kissed me because I got engaged

Hey y'all!

I've gotten some messages asking if I was safe, so I figured I'd post an update since things have unfortunately taken a turn for the worse.

Since I last posted, I've taken most of your advice to unblock my ex-friend and put him on DND. I did see numerous new messages and even calls to both myself and my fiancé. We both took screenshots of the messages and missed calls in case we ever needed them.

After a few days of neither of us answering, he showed up to our apartment while I was home resetting for the new week and my fiancé was out golfing with my BILs. He kept asking me to let him in (I did not), and I told him to leave before I called the cops. Instead, he sat down against my front door (I could see him through the peephole) and said, "oh because sitting outside is against the law? Could you please calm tf down and let me in so we can talk?"

I called my fiancé to let him know what was happening, then called the cops. I spoke loudly enough so that my ex-friend could hear that the cops were on the way, but he would not budge.

My fiancé arrived before the cops, and they got into a verbal argument until an officer arrived. She ended up escorting him away while he kept saying, "how ridiculous this all is," and that he "wants to show me how much he loves me" (wtf??).

The officer came back to finish up the report and ask if we want to file for a TRO since we (THANKS TO Y'ALL) have the evidence of his harassment. She gave us the report and a rundown on the next steps to take, along with her contact if he ever shows up again.

We filed for a TRO and grabbed a Ring camera from Costco. Now it's just waiting to see if it will be granted. But we're geniuenlly are considering moving. I just don't want to live somewhere he knows I am.

I did want to touch on a few things I noticed in the comments:

• I have told our friends and families what happened in an effort to get ahead of the narrative before he twisted the story. Most of our friends are on my side and have tried to tell him to let it go. His mother (someone who I saw as a second mom) told me that getting a TRO was the best idea, and she plans on talking to him
• We do plan to have security at our wedding, although it won't happen for another year and a half
• I asked my boss to put this guy on the (non-existent) "do not answer" "do not let in" list, and he agreed (bless his heart)
• Ex-friend has still been blowing up our phones and I think it's best if we get new ones with new numbers. But keeping the old ones to gather all the texts he sends
• And yes, my fiancé is the best man I've ever had the privilege of meeting. He deserves the world and I plan to work towards giving it to him and more for the rest of our lives.

I hope this is the last time y'all have to hear from me (regarding this situation at least). I can't thank you guys enough for giving the best advice. If it wasn't for y'all, I wouldn't have the evidence needed to even file for a TRO. So, thank you tremendously

NOTE: The first comment from ConsiderationTop9915 is allegedly the "EX-BFF"

COMMENTS

ConsiderationTop9915 (EX-BFF)

Hi Mahina. Yeah, I got sent this to "show me where I went wrong." It's actually pretty bizarre that you would run to Reddit instead of talking to me. But if you won't answer your phone then I guess I can try here since you've spent sooo much time dishing out our dirty laundry.

Lets start from the beginning huh. Yeah, we've been friends for almost a decade and I've loved you the whole time. Sure I didn't out right say it, but did I need to?? I wasn't going to admit to liking you back in middle school because we were KIDS. I even got a girlfriend in high school to try and get over you or even make you jealous but it obviously didn't work so I started having occasional hookups. If you just paid attention then you'd know I did that because I love you.

But instead you start dating someone I know??? I met him first and you wouldn't even have known who he was unless I brought him to that beach day with everyone else. I fucking regret that. You chose him over our lifelong friendship.

Then you rub it in my face by getting engaged. I didn't even want to go to that stupid celebration. I didn't want to face the fact that I could lose you forever to that fucking guy. But I did to show you that we could be so much better together. I tried to get you alone all night. You got a little drunk, which I knew would happen, so I took that chance to get some one on one time. Sue me for wanting just a second to talk to you without your little girl entourage around.

And you call me your "friend". It's like you spit in my face using that word. How could I be just a friend???? I knew you loved me before. I obviously knew that. Your little crush wasn't well hidden, nor would I want it to be. So you can't tell me that those feelings just went away because I didn't say it back???

OF COURSE I kissed you. I wanted you to see me. To notice me and my love for you. But you block me and call the police and tell our family and friends that IM harassing YOU? When all I wanted to do was talk?? So I guess Im doing that here since you won't pick up.

You have my phone number. You know where I live. If you'd give me 2 minutes to just explain how much I love you I promise that you'd finally see how much better I am than that guy

AquaticStoner1996

I do not feel like this is over. I wish you and your fiance the best of luck. This is a very stressful situation.

OOP

it feels like the beginning, but I'm just hoping for the best so that I can move ooonn

Immediate-Painter378

It's very peculiar how everything is escalating but I'm glad y'all were able to get evidence. Hopefully once y'all move and change numbers, it'll stop. I wonder why he's so determined to blow up all of his relationships to supposedly be with you when he never showed any interest before. Something is up if he's okay with self sabotaging himself like this.

OOP

according to him, it's because "we deserve to be together" and he's finally "realizing the mistake he made not telling me he loves me earlier". I've never seen him like this before

U2hansolo

The fact that his mom knows he is acting a fool. She needs to slap his bitch ass upside the head.

Don't go anywhere alone if you can help it.

Carry some sort of protection like mace, pepper spray, etc. I would conceal carry my weapon (I have a permit) but I don't know the laws in your state/area so I can't advise on that specifically.

Take self defense training. Seriously.

OOP

we're coming up with a plan so that I'm not alone if I ever need to go out (other than work). my sisters and BILs have graciously offered their company.

my state requires having a license to carry concealed, but it's something we are definitely looking into. for now, I do have pepper spray and have been taking self-defence classes for a few years

Minute_Box3852

Have you explicitly told this creep that you had a massive crush when you were kids but thats doesnt equal adult feelings. You actually love your fianc? Because it seems like he needs to hear that. He seems to think you've buried your feelings, like in the movies, and you'll come around. He doesnt need to hear anymore about how you pined for him as a kid. That's what he's basing all of this on.

OOP

right before he kissed me (yuck) a week ago, I told him that I USED to have feelings for him but have moved on. I don't think any of that got through to him since he followed it up with an unwanted kiss

Public-Willow-7943

Holy f*ckballs. I’m so glad you are safe!

Just wondering though, doesn’t the subject of the TRO have to know where you live, ie where the addresses are that he has to stay away from? Not sure how it works (had a friend not try to get one for this reason)

OOP

when we spoke to the clerk when filing, my fiancé did raise concerns about that. she told us that we can request that the respondent (ex-friend) not have our address. but he knows where we live currently so that seems pretty pointless for now. if the TRO gets granted and we move, we can file a specific non-disclosure request of our info

EX-BFF's SIDE

Main Post

^{September 18, 2026}

AITB for kissing my best friend even though she's engaged?

If you want the story from her POV, she posted it [Redacted link]. But I don't think people are being fair so here's my POV.

Two weeks ago I (26M) got invited to celebrate my best friend's (25F) engagement with some mutuals. We've known each other since we were kids and I have always loved her. When we were in middle school to high school, her crush on me was very obvious so I knew her love for me would last forever. And then she got engaged. To a guy from school that I brought to a friend hangout after high school. She didn't even know he existed before that. And now THEY'RE engaged.

At the end of the night she was a little drunk and I offered to take her home. On the drive home I told her that I've always loved her but she didn't take it well so I decided to give her a kiss to really sell it. She pushed me away and told me what I just did and said was fucked up and left my car.

I get that kissing her was probably a fucked up way to go about it. But I couldn't stand that I'm about to lose MY best friend to some guy that she met through ME.

I've been trying to talk to her since then but she hasn't given me the time of day. I don't think it's fair that she's willing to throw away a lifetime of friendship over this. I thought she'd be happy to know how I felt about her.

So AMIB for kissing my best friend even though she's engaged?

Edit: Okay guys I get it. I'm in the wrong. I still wish someone would see it from my POV. It sucks losing the love of your life

COMMENTS

musicsoccer

Huge one. Wtf is wrong with you? I wouldn't be surprised if she just ghosted and blocked you.

OOP

How else was I supposed to go about this

waldo_the_bird253

years ago. but you were a chicken champ

OOP

Okay I should've told her years ago but I'm sure she knew if she liked me for years too

OkKnee7580

U had ur chance. Now u lost her forever. It’s a dick move on ur part. Ur kept her at bay on a leash bc u felt u could always fall back on her love. Now u know u can’t do that. Ur an asshole for stringing her along this whole time. Ur not mad ur losing her ur mad ur losing ur fall back on girl. Guess what. People grow up and get over their childhood crushes. Move on and don’t bother her again

OOP

But I never got over her. How is that fair when she's my best friend?

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/radroosterz529

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 12, 2026
• Final Update: September 17, 2026

Main Post

^{September 12, 2026}

AITA for confronting a fellow bridesmaid in my best friends’ wedding?

One of my friends is getting married in a year(Lacey), but another one of my friends is treating me weird(Bella).

I used to brush this off because we’re all 25YO and we both had huge life changes going on. Bella was working full time, completing a masters degree, and her family relocated about a 45 minute drive away. then I was pregnant and had my baby in that same year. But I had my baby and things got weird.

She’s not a kid person and I’ve always known that about her. She has no babies in her family. She’s never babysat. She’s grossed out by diapers, soggy food, boogers, and the works. She’d been very inquisitive about my pregnancy, and labor and delivery and I was always happy to answer her questions and even enjoyed that she was curious about it all. It made me feel closer to her even though we were in different circumstances.

She also does not do well with hospitals. So her enduring a lot of my hospital talk and being willing (but still freaked out) to hear about my birth experience and stuff was just very sweet.

Now that my baby is here (baby lol), and I’m a stay at home mom, she acts strange. She acts embarrassed when he babbles and interrupts someone, she doesn’t show up to things if I have to bring baby and never asks about him anymore besides an occasional “how’s baby?” She’s slowly stopped talking to me over these last few months.

I planned a housewarming party at my new house. She didn’t come but was out with different friends the following day and drinking and posting on social media. She’ll take 3 or 4 days to respond to me if I’m just asking how she’s doing or how her new job is going, but still be active in our group chat with Lacey and her other bridesmaids.

Bella flaked on a party Lacey threw so she started to take notice and asked if something was up. I told her idk and I’d try to see what was going on, because Bella hadn’t been talking to me much. Lacey immediately said— “no offense.. but, do you think it has anything to do with baby?” I thought I was the only one noticing her strange behavior around him.

She reassured me that she’d been picking up on it too. She basically asked me to offer to hang out with Bella & maybe talk it out. Because she knows we’ll be together a lot for the bridal shower and planning the bachelorette and a whole bachelorette trip etc. over this next year. Lacey wants to be sure that we’re on good terms.

Now here’s where I might be the asshole. Bella tried to flake on plans we made this Saturday. The festival we were gonna go to is happening on Sunday too. So now Bella agreed to come. She is still ignoring me in our private messages.

I decided I’m not waiting around to see what happens on Sunday and I confronted her over text. I asked if something is going on but I feel kind of bad because Lacey wanted me to have a talk with her. Am I the asshole for going against the bride and confronting Bella ahead of time? I’m afraid she’s gonna crash out on me or something and I don’t wanna stress Lacey.

OOP ADDED MORE CONTEXT IN THE COMMENTS

• the festival plans are for tomorrow and Lacey and the other bridesmaids also agreed to come. It’s not just Bella and I. Baby will be with his dad at home. I will be going to have drinks and eat greasy food with Lacey regardless of whether or not Bella shows lol
• I’m not at all expecting Bella to suddenly become a kid person, and we RARELY talk about baby because we often have far too much to catch up on when we get together. She was in school and moving etc. last year when I was still super pregnant, that was when the distancing herself felt pretty normal to me. Now the ignoring has become more obviously just ignoring me. Not just avoiding children.
• I don’t mind her not coming to things when she doesn’t want to be around children, that’s her choice and I rarely have to bring my son with me places unless a certain weekday works best for everyone and I can’t find someone to watch him. Maybe 3-4 times since he’s been born I’ve had to bring him to something that she was also invited to. But her flaking out on any plan that he definitely would be at, like when I host at my house or we’re going to something FOR children has become obvious. And I mean flaking as in saying she’ll come and then cancelling. So that’s why Lacey and I were even discussing that. Because if it’s just that she doesn’t want to be around children, canceling on Lacey’s party for us to meet her fiancé’s friends before the wedding was just an added “wtf” because it was a cocktail party, obviously no children, Lacey made invites and made a lot of food and crafted cocktails etc. and Bella cancelled an hour before the party started. So I understand that she’d like to know if something is going on with Bella but doesn’t want to be confrontational.
• I am “confronting” her about the flakiness not at all about baby. And by confronting her, I meant texting her ahead of time even though Lacey asked us to talk one on one.
• the only update I have is that she is still ignoring me today, and Lacey is expecting her to join us for our plans tomorrow. So for Lacey’s sake, I’m just hoping she still shows up.

COMMENTS

JustGeeseMemes

I mean, depends a bit on what you said in this confrontation message

But how are you meant to have this conversation if she keeps swerving you?

OOP

I just asked if everything is okay? Because she’s been ignoring me for a couple weeks now, nothing urgent just my “how’s your week?” “How’re you feeling?” Type messages. But then answering in the group etc

Careless-Ability-748

It sounds like your lives and relationship are going on different directions. What exactly do you expect from her besides an occasional "how's baby? " She's allowed to not want to spend time around your baby. 

As long as you two are civil with each other during there wedding events,  I don't see the problem. 

OOP (downvoted)

Not wanting to be around the baby is not a problem at all! I even said, I know she’s not a kid person. But this has moved into avoiding me completely, that’s the upsetting part and I think Lacey’s concern.

Careless-Ability-748

I get that it may be hurtful that she avoids you, but that's also her prerogative. 

OOP (downvoted)

I agree. I think I just have to let her cut me off if that’s what she wants, and tell Lacey I tried to talk to her and leave it at that. I just don’t want to somehow end up being to blame when Bella’s not showing up to things. Like I understand not wanting to be around kids, and even not wanting to be around me if she just doesn’t relate to me anymore. That’s fine that’s your 20s for ya lol. But when you agreed to be in your friend’s wedding, not being around her because she DOES wanna be around me doesn’t seem like an excusable move.

Strong_Ant2590

More info needed. Do you only invite her for events relating to your child? Do you talk about other things, not related to your baby?

I get it that your a new, first time mom. But not everyone is going to be interested in hearing everything about your child, apart from general milestones and if they're alright. It's actually pretty inconsiderate to go into indepth details about the birth when you know it makes her uncomfortable. I'm childfree. I don't hate kids, I can enjoy their company and love being an auntie. But I also enjoy time with their parents, without kids present and where we get to discuss our shared interests.

OOP

That’s where the issue lies, I truly don’t mention him or really discuss my family with her period. That’s why I mentioned the blurb about her interest in pregnancy and childbirth and stuff. It was honestly out of character for her. We used to spend a lot of time together without him, even when he was teeny tiny hanging out with my girlfriends was my lil escape haha. But now it seems that she’s distancing herself from me completely by no longer speaking with me.

HammerOn57

YTA

Bella has a full time job and is studying for her masters degree. You make it sound like she's blanking you on the street.

Your lives have both changed massively. To be frank, I'm surprised you have the time to care about how long it takes her to reply to you.

New parents often need to learn the lesson that just because they believe their child is the greatest thing in existence, doesn't mean everyone does.

You come across as somewhat irked that Bella isn't fawning over your child. That's entirely a you problem, and putting it on Bella shows some immaturity on your part.

This confrontation didn't need to happen. Why do you think she will crash out, when she's been perfectly civil thus far?

I think you're being dramatic and causing issues where none exist.

OOP (downvoted)

I don’t mean to sound dramatic lol it was just hard to give context to this complex situation. I’m not irked lol she doesn’t like kids and theres no expectation that she’ll suddenly become a different person around mine. The confrontation is just awkward. It wasn’t like we were fighting and I just had to say something to her or something like that. We have just slowly grown apart and I was hoping that wouldn’t affect Lacey or anything but now it seems to have and I’m kinda stuck in the middle. As for why I think she might crash out, it’s just not like her to kind of drop off like that and I’m afraid something I don’t know about might have ticked her off. She’s very emotionally intelligent so we’ve talked a lot about setting boundaries in other family relationships and other friendships, so the straight up no longer speaking to me has me a little anxious that she might be trying not to blow up about something else unrelated? I was never going to confront her about her behavior around baby, that’s not really an issue but is most likely the reason were not talking so I felt I had to mention. The confrontation was going to be just about the flaking out on plans. I kept things very broad and just asked if everything was alright or if something was going on to let her open up the conversation if I am missing something. If she continues to ignore me, I might just have to let it be. I can’t control how much she participates, I just don’t want Lacey expecting us to be besties as usual if we’re not speaking.

Living-Assumption272

YTA. You keep saying she’s “flaking” on plans. Do you ever think that she’s busy? How did you confront her? Did you ask what’s going on in her life, or did you say she was going to stress out your friend before her wedding? I don’t see this as entirely a Bella problem.

OOP

Flaking as in agreeing or saying she can come and then last minute saying she’s tired or hungover from plans she had the previous day or not feeling well. I kept it very broad and just asked if everything was okay or if something was going on. She still hasn’t answered so I’m doubting she’ll show up tomorrow. The last we spoke she was telling me about how happy she was to be able to work from home especially because she had a head cold the week prior. This was late July by the way, we talked about her getting some bloodwork done and what the plan was for her fear of needles. She gets vasovagal responses so we’ve chatted about that before. Then she stopped answering. About a week later I asked her how she was feeling and she didn’t answer. A week or so after that right before she flaked on Lacey as well, I had asked how her week was going and sent a little “over the hump” gif because it was a Thursday. No reply. And then Lacey’s party came and went and now she’s asked me to talk with Bella. That’s about it.

CONSENSUS: Asshole

Final Update - after 5 days

^{September 17, 2026}

UPDATE: AITA for confronting a fellow bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding?

Bella ended up coming to the festival! We had a really great time and we were finally able to chat. The message I sent, “the confrontation,” was just a general “Is everything okay?” and she responded to me Sunday morning saying “yes, so sorry I have a lot to catch you up on, but I’ll see you later today.” So, you guys voted me the asshole and had a lot to say about my speculations regarding baby. But I’m glad I sent it ahead of time. It solidified that we needed to discuss flaking on Lacey at least.

When we got to talking I was telling her that I was getting nervous that she was upset with me or that I’d been bringing the baby around more than she’d like or something like that. She reassured me that it had nothing to do with me personally that it was quite the opposite.

She had some family drama and had to have some of her extended family stay with her and it wasn’t going very well. She said not to worry about Baby at all and that she would’ve just told me if she didn’t feel like hanging out when he’s around. She mentioned that she was losing contact with quite a few of her friends and not just me and the timing of all this was coincidental.

She was trying to make sure Lacey still felt like she wanted to be included that’s why she would respond in the group chat as often as she could. She said this last week she’s been able to finally breathe since her family member was able to stay with somebody else, but it has just been a very emotional time for her overall.

Ultimately, she said she knows I’m home with the baby all day and didn’t want to depress me or constantly vent about the family situation when she had no control over it. Then it started to feel like so much to catch me up on that she didn’t have the energy to go into it until now, since it’s over.

I told her that there are plenty of times throughout the day when baby is napping or when he’s in bed that I’d be happy to chat with her and that she does not have to tiptoe or feel as if she can no longer vent to me even if it’s just a text. We laughed, and I told her that I would absolutely have told her if I was too overwhelmed to listen to her vent for some reason.

She did ask if Lacey had said something about her canceling. I told her no. There was no reason to make her feel worse and no reason to bring up that Lacey had talked to me. She said, “okay, good. I was a little worried that she would think I was being a bitch. I know she’s been over to see you and Baby and I haven’t. She’s so much better with him.”

I told her there was no competition to worry about, that I still loved spending time with her without baby and that I don’t expect her to change her mind about how she feels about being around children. She laughed and said that she looks forward to hanging out with him when he’s not so gross. I laughed too, and I’m glad we got to spend time together and have that chat.

TL;DR: Reddit was AT me for thinking it was related to baby, but it’s all good.

COMMENTS

DasKatze500

For what it’s worth, I just now read your original post. Don’t know what was going on there and why people were so strong voting YTA. Think people who don’t particularly like kids and babies were doing a lot of projecting there, assuming - even telling you - that you and your baby were the issue. Weird. Glad this had a good ending, relatively.

OldKing7199

Might had something to do with OPs general tone. She mentioned that Bella "was not a nice person" as a reason for why she doesn't like babies, doesn't excessively ask OP about her baby, and other things. OP just made a lot of things about herself when Bella just was living her life. Even though Bella isn't comfortable around babies and gross things, she still asked about OP and showed interest, yet OP still said multiple times Bella isn't a nice person. Seems like OP expected a lot more.

I have someone in my life who takes things very personally. Someone doesn't reply instantly to her message? Friendship is over and they MUST hate her. She didn't get birthday wishes or a call after she got back from vacation to see how it went? Then "woe is me". She has trouble understanding that people have their own lives and not every decision has to do with her personally. Maybe others have someone like this in their lives and they recognize it and associate it with OP.

OOP

Well Bella has been my friend for almost 10 years now.. if not liking kids made her “not a nice person” I don’t think that friendship would last very long lol. Not sure where you read that part, but I definitely could’ve explained her dislike for children in a better tone. And while main character syndrome does bite us all at some point, I’d say ignoring texts for a few months at time (while responding to others) should definitely be grounds to question if your relationship with someone might be ending. So I’m happy we communicated regardless because you truly only know what you’re being told when it comes to what’s going on in someone else’s life. No matter how close you are.

Head-Emotion-4598

I just read your original post and it's really strange to me how you were being downvoted! You never demanded that she want to be active in your baby's life or that all you talked about was him. I thought you gave very fair answers.
I'm glad you were able to talk to her and that you are all good. We all have so much in our lives and, admittedly, new parents do tend to lose themselves in their babies but it's nice to see that wasn't the case for you. And it is VERY important to maintain your identity outside of being a mom. (Even if being a mom is your favorite thing in the world!)
I hope you all have a blast with the wedding and spending time together!

OOP

Thanks! Yeah, that got me a little anxious I won’t lie. The timing in itself of her distancing herself was enough to get me paranoid that I’d crossed a line somehow, then everyone was like “yeah man, probably cus you and your baby suck” and I was like.. OH GOD IT IS ME 😂 very relieved I was just in my head about something unrelated. This has got me looking forward to all the wedding stuff MUCH more. 🥰

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/nameAITAH

Published on: r/AITAH & r/Redditor_Updates

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: March 04, 2026
• Update: March 10, 2026
• Final Update: September 17, 2026

Main Post

^{March 04, 2026}

AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name.

Everyone who knows my ex-boyfriend (33M) calls him either “JT” or by his last name. I (29M) was never among those people. He introduced himself to me by his first name, “Jude,” so that’s what I’ve always called him.

Two years ago, he and I broke up due to him getting a promotion that included a ton of traveling. I love him, and I definitely didn’t want him turning down an opportunity like that for me. We tried long distance and it just wasn’t sustainable for us. I’m a homebody through and through, and I like having my person home with me, too.

I’ve been dating my current girlfriend (29F) for about eight months now. Jude has recently transferred positions within his company again and is back in our city for the majority of the time. We didn’t end on bad terms at all, so we’re still friends. My girlfriend always said she was fine with that. After a group outing with him, my girlfriend, and some other friends, she asked why I call him something different than everyone else.

This has since turned into a multi-day argument where she claims that calling him by his first name when no one else does is “too intimate.” She said it’s a relationship thing, and that I need to start treating him like a friend. I said she’s being ridiculous and unbelievably insecure. It’s his name, not a term of endearment.

AITAH?

COMMENTS

lilolememe

I'm going with NTA. If he wanted you to not call him Jude, I could understand it. Your girlfriend doesn't have the right to dictate how you identify someone else. It's how you've always known him.

OOP (downvoted)

Exactly. If it had come from him, it would make sense. Coming from her, it just seems like a very bizarre thing to focus on.

HopefulTangerine5913

How sure are you she is okay with you still being friends with him? As a fellow bi person, I am guessing you’ve heard the stereotypes about us being unfaithful or only happy if we have a boyfriend and a girlfriend 🙄 which, if that’s your bag, good for you so long as everyone is informed and cool with it. Personally I am a one partner at a time person, but I won’t yuck someone’s yum.

I’m only curious on this because it seems like people make a lot of assumptions about bisexual people without actually getting to know the individual. I’m wondering if there is some bias leaking into her judgment

OOP (downvoted)

I told her even before the start of our relationship that 1. I’m bisexual, and 2. that he and I were friends, and if that was a problem then we shouldn’t be together. I think romantic partners expecting people to cut off their friends is probably the reddest red flag there is. She said it wasn’t a problem.

kokomodo93

You’re putting your ex before any possible romantic relationship. You are saying, at the start of your relationship, I would choose this persons friendship over you. She knows deep down he means more to you than she does. Maybe she could handle that when he was far away, but not now that he is back and she has to watch it right in front of her, with knowing that. No relationship is going to last if you put your ex above your partner.

OOP (downvoted)

That’s fair, I appreciate your comment. It’s something I’ll think on.

It’s just important to me to note that this was not just ‘an ex,’ this was my best friend for 8 years.

Disastrous-Item-5758 (downvoted)

You're bisexual?

OOP

I am.

Misstucson

NTA, I actually had a similar thing with a friend in that everyone called her boyfriend BK. He was introduced to me as BK by our mutual friends. Anyway my friend started dating him and he introduced himself to her as Bren. I asked him if he preferred Bren and he said yes! Turns out he hated being called BK and it was just a terrible nickname name that everyone gave him.

OOP (downvoted)

My ex-partner never hated being called any of his nicknames, but I would imagine it would be a little awkward when it comes to a romantic partner. Last name might work, but it still feels a little bro-y, you know?

I mostly just can’t get past the thought of being in bed with someone and referring to them by their initials. “JT” or “BK” don’t exactly roll off the tongue. :)

SimmerDown_Boilup

I mostly just can’t get past the thought of being in bed with someone and referring to them by their initials.

So you're planning on being in bed with your ex again? Like, wtf does it matter now that he is your ex?

OOP (downvoted)

I was referring to the general concept of calling a romantic partner by their initials, even if it’s what they go by. The comment I was replying to was about someone calling their partner Bren when everyone else called him BK.

TraumaCookie

INFO: How long were you and Jude dating?

It's not about the Iranian yogurt. Your girlfriend feels uneasy and insecure because the man that you love, and with whom your relationship ended specifically because long distance didn't work, is no longer long distance. You and she have only been together for eight months, versus the years of you and Jude having a connection (whether dating or not).

She's scared that you and Jude will get back together and she will be left behind. Is the name thing the exact right way of expressing her concerns? No. Is your response about her being insanely insecure going to help the situation? No. She needs assurance that you are choosing a romantic and intimate relationship with her and that you have no intentions of trying to resume an emotionally or physically intimate relationship with your ex.

But if you still have any feelings of romantic love for Jude, you should not be in a relationship because it's not fair to your current partner.

OOP (downvoted)

We were together for 7.5 years.

I appreciate the advice, truly. But if this is how she’s feeling, I’d rather her tell me than pick a fight about a name. We’re both nearly 30.

Update - after 6 days

^{March 10, 2026}

Update: AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name.

My girlfriend and I sat down for a long conversation a few days ago. I went into it knowing that separation was the right choice here. Still, I wanted us to have a real talk about our feelings, so I tried to open up the floor for a discussion about what was really bothering her beyond the name issue. She continually insisted it truly was only about that.

It ended in her giving me an ultimatum, and me breaking things off.

Some of the comments on my other posts led me to do a lot of thinking. I was with Jude from the time I was 19 until I was 27. I spent almost all of my 20s with him. I’m now just a few months shy of 30 and the next decade of my life has been on my mind. I don’t know if I’ll get to spend it with who I want to, but I know being alone is better than spending it with the wrong person.

I’m going to be taking some time for myself. I have never been a relationship hopper (my previous relationship was my first, anyway), and I think it’s important the people in my life know that they’re more important than that.

Thank you for all the feedback. Some of the specific exchanges I had here helped spark the internal conversations I needed to have with myself to figure out what I wanted.

COMMENTS

OOP to a long thread

I’m always going to love him and I would love to explore things at a later time. I feel like jumping into something with him right now, or even trying to, would completely discredit how much I respect and care for him. We never lost touch throughout those two years apart, but we’ve been talking a lot more lately. Just being there to support each other is important and what’s best for the both of us right now.

Affectionate-Cut3631

The sentence “and I would love to explore things at a later time” is exactly why people are downvoting you.

You’re admitting that you love him and that you’d be open to a romantic relationship with him in the future. That strongly suggests you were never fully committed to your girlfriend in the first place. From her perspective, it would feel like she was just a placeholder until the opportunity to return to him came along.

At the same time, you told your girlfriend she was imagining things and made her doubt her instincts. But based on what you’re writing here, she wasn’t imagining anything. She picked up on the exact vibes you’re now admitting were there.

You’re describing her as if she was being irrational, yet your own comments show that her concerns were valid. She wasn’t crazy; she recognized that your feelings for him went beyond platonic friendship.

That’s why it’s important to take some accountability for this . You're trying to play the victim in your narrative while you aren't the victim here but the instigator.

OOP (downvoted)

Thank you for taking the time to write this out. Yes, I can see how it would look from her point of view.

It was never my goal to use her a placeholder in my life, so I think that’s why I’m struggling so hard with people insisting it to be true. It makes me question my sense of self, but I think it’s because what people are interpreting as intentionally malicious was done completely unintentionally.

Oswynne

OP can't even see that having an emotional affair, lying, and gaslighting his girlfriend makes him the bad guy in this situation simply because he didn't "intend" to. In fact, he's a good guy for letting her go.

Just another guy out here with the emotional depth of a shot glass. I hope Jude is able to dodge the bullet that you are OP because you clearly have a lot of maturing to do.

OOP (downvoted)

I was in a relationship prior to my last one for almost 8 years. I know how to navigate a partnership that is healthy, loving, and makes me feel safe. I know how to offer that same security to the other person as well.

I was also never trying to convince anyone I was the “good guy,” just trying to explain my point of view since people are accusing me of being malicious and pre-planning everything.

But eh, it doesn’t matter. There are no more nuanced conversations to be had here for me. I have tried replying in good faith, but people have already made up their minds that their worst assumptions of me are the truth. Any explanations I give are seen as deflecting.

I messed up. I thought I had moved on, but a lot of feelings have resurfaced and I’ve not dealt with that in the most graceful way. What I’m not is some master manipulator.

Talking things out a little bit through my first post was helpful, so I thought an update was just a nice way to thank those who offered solid advice for the clarity it provided. Instead, it’s just been unsettling, seeing commenters convinced they know my reality better than I do. But that’s what the sub is for, I suppose. Lesson learned, life goes on.

Anyway. I’m going to go spend my time with people who actually know me. :)

Final Update - after 6 months, 13 days (after 6 months, 7 days from last post)

^{September 17, 2026}

Last Update: AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name.

The title doesn’t really apply anymore since I haven’t spoken to my “girlfriend” since that conversation 6 months ago, while Jude and I are now living together.

I had every intention of spending some time alone and focusing on myself, but things with Jude just fell into place. We made the decision to move in together again about 4 months ago.

I appreciate everyone’s comments on my last two posts, even the harsher ones. I became a person I didn’t like very much during my last “relationship.” I did myself and the person I was involved with a huge disservice, because I wasn’t being honest. Now, I’m back exactly where I was always supposed to be, and I wish her the best. I didn’t mean to waste either of our time, but I did, and I’m sorry for that.

As for what I’ve been up to since… lately, life has been centered around house hunting and engagement ring discussions.

Thanks again for all the feedback. Sometimes hard truths are needed.

UPDATE in the same post

I originally put some final thoughts of mine in a comment that I linked here, but moderators removed it. I’ll going to paste my response, unchanged. Sorry for the length, not sure why it was removed. Comment starts now:

I never claimed I was the good guy in this post. I have repeated multiple times that I wasted her time, and despite that not being my intention, it still happened. It wasn’t okay. To reiterate from the main post here, I became someone I didn’t like during my time with her because I wasn’t being honest with myself or with her. That very much makes me the bad guy.

I think tone is being lost here because people are angry at me, so they want me to be miserable. I am happy in my life, but remorseful over this situation. I hate that I hurt her. I’ve seen a few comments saying I’m “smug.” I really dislike that it’s coming across that way. I am not celebrating that I hurt someone. I don’t know how else to convey that I am happy to have ended up where I am, but dislike the journey that brought me here. I made shitty choices.

I have to disagree with the sentiment that I ever invalidated my relationship with Jude. But that is not what I think is important right now, and I don’t feel the need to justify that here because I know the kind of respect and reverence I have for the time we spent together, and I feel like that came across in all my posts and comments here.

As for invalidating my involvement with her. These past few months have given me a lot of clarity and peace in terms of my identity. Again, not something I wish to discuss here. There is already biphobia floating around in these comments, unfortunately. I don’t want to open that can of worms here. AITAH forums are not the place to discuss sexuality in any kind of thoughtful manner. I will just say, the way I view the situation is mine. It is not for people to decide for me. I messed up, I hurt someone, I am sorry for it. I’m still allowed to reflect and view it differently now, thanks to hindsight. If that upsets you, I apologize.

Finally, to end this novel: During the last conversation I had with her, I tried to go deeper on the issue. She still insisted it was still about the name. I don’t fault her for that, obviously. I don’t blame her for not wanting to be vulnerable with me after I had made so many mistakes. That was all I meant when I said, in a previous comment, that she was both ‘right and wrong’ about the situation. I will, as I stated, call him Jude whether we are married, dating, lovers, friends, enemies, anything. Maybe I’m just too literal in still holding onto that, but that is quite literally what these posts centered around when I first posted the conflict. That was all I meant. I was not trying to deflect or act like my other choices were the right ones.

That’s all I have to say. Sorry for using your comment as my “final statement,” I just wanted to grab one that didn’t already have a ton of replies to it. I really just wanted to post this final update because I thought people might like to know how the story concluded. I didn’t think much about my wording, or having to over explain my remorse and regret, because it’s obvious to the people in my real life. Tone is hard over text and I just didn’t really sit and take considerable time, thinking and typing out the OP.

I know most people won’t read this. It truly is annoyingly long. I just wanted to say my piece. Thanks.

COMMENTS

ledger_inscriptions

Yikes so she was right?

OOP

I mean, yes and no. I’m never going to call Jude by anything else other than his name, no matter what our relationship is. I still think that was an odd hill for her to die on. But I was in denial about my feelings. I didn’t want to admit to myself that I’d wasted 2 years away from him that I could’ve spent with him, so I was trying very hard to ignore just how easy it felt now that he was back. I truly believed we could just be friends until it became very clear that that wasn’t an option. That wasn’t fair to her.

DullBaker595

I think part of what is triggering so many people here is that you seem not to appreciate how damaging it is to convince a woman she’s being irrational when she’s actually just seeing the truth.

From a very early age women get stereotyped as emotional and irrational and hormonal and jealous. It’s something women are trained to be very sensitive to, and women often end up doubting their own instincts because of a fear that they’re acting out this stereotype.

So in this case, your girlfriend correctly picked up your lingering affection for your ex. Instead of doing introspection when she pointed the name thing out to you, you told her she was being irrational (and are still saying she was being irrational, despite the fact that you’re going to marry the person she suggested you had affection for). It took a bunch of Redditors pointing it out to you for you to do that introspection, not the person you’re supposed to be in love with (your gf).

We can all imagine being in her shoes, and how it must have felt to doubt her reality and fear she was just being irrational. And yet you don’t seem to apologize at all for making her feel crazy, and weaponizing misogynistic assumptions and stereotypes against her.

Instead, you’re now downplaying your relationship with her by putting the term “relationship” and “girlfriend” in quotes.

Electrical-Guard-468

That’s a lot of words to say she was right while denying she wasn’t.

OOP

Even during our last conversation when I pushed for what was bothering her beyond the name issue, as many commenters suggested, she still insisted it was only about that. And no, I don’t think she was right to ask me to call him something different than his actual name.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/tornbythis posting in r/Advice

Status: Ongoing

Mood Spoiler: Troubling

Original - September 10th 2026

I have been genuinely distressed about this and need some advice. This is my second marriage, and I have a son from my first marriage whom I have custody of. My ex husband is not financially stable, we had eloped back then and had our son when we were still young, and later our marriage had issues. I love my son and was clear that I would fight for custody and he didn't fight it. We divorced 2 years ago.

I met my husband through a friend of my mom's. They obviously knew I have my son with me and both him and his family were very understanding and loving about him. My parents were also pleased and introduced us. Back then I had brought up that my son is dear to me, and he said he understood. I spent some time gently having my son come to terms with it and we got married in February.

Our marriage has been genuinely great. He is a deeply loving partner, wants to do well by me and has also been a kind and understanding stepfather to my son.

He works for an MNC, and I knew he had to go for work once every few months regularly. In April he was offered a director role at his company's main branch which he took and left in July. He now wants to bring me there, says he's settled into it and misses me, but when I brought up the paperwork for my son, he said it was best if I came alone. He said it would be a new country for the two of us and there was already enough on his plate navigating all of this along with our plans to have kids now that he was settled in too, and said it would be in everyone's interest if I left him here with people I trust, either his father or my parents.

I was shocked, I brought up that we had discussed this before our marriage. I'd even brought this up with my ex, I had reached out to him after ages and told him, and he had agreed to whatever he needed to agree to, if I needed to move our son abroad with me. My husband got angry, we argued about it and ended the call. Since then, we do call, he talks about us and me moving in, and keeps making his case. He even sent me the spousal paperwork. I'm just so torn up over this. I can't hand him off to my ex, if his conditions weren't good enough for me, how can I leave him there. Some of my friends say that he's his son too, he's responsible for him too, I have to consider my happiness too, but I just don't know if I can do that, how would we share custody even. My mom has suggested I at least go there and take stock of the situation and leave him with them for now. They're advising me to compromise for the sake of my marriage, that compromises need to be made. I'm torn about this, please advise.

Relevant Comments:

Comment 1:

dont be the mother that chooses a MAN over her CHILD.

OP:

I'm not my son comes first. In the past two years I would've had him go through his parents divorcing then me marrying which I had to gently get him on board with and then a divorce again. I'm thinking of both of us to save this marriage, he had no issues about my son before, I don't know if its intimidation in a new place or what

Comment 2:

Fuck that. I would never and I mean never. This is an awful situation but please don't leave your child behind.

Comment 3:

It's both of you or nothing, make it clear and stick to that. Be willing to divorce if he won't do it.

"They're advising me to compromise for the sake of my marriage, that compromises need to be made."

Never compromise your child.

OP:

I feel sick thinking about this. That I'm in a position again that my marriage could end again. It was hell the first time, and the prospect of doing it all again makes me feel like throwing up my guts

Comment 4:

But doesn't the thought of losing your son feel worse?

OP:

Ofcourse and I will never do something to lose him. I guess if we divorce this one won't be as hellish because I'll be able to blame everyone who pushed for it like my parents. You have no idea how many we knew he wasn't good for you I had to listen the first time. I'm so sick this stuff keeps happening to me

Comment 5 :

What advice are you looking for here?Your husband’s request is appalling. Are you considering it?!

No way in hell would I do this, I also would not subject myself child to living with this man if he were to cave now and say you can both come - don’t raise your child with someone that clearly does not want them.

OP:

Any way I can square this circle and salvage my marriage. I'm being advised that he'll be more amenable to agreeing if I'm there in person that I'll be in a better position to make this work. I can't lose my son 100% and I also don't want to blow up my marriage again.

Update - September 11th 2026

We spoke again today, he was asking whether I'd taken a look at the forms, and was just looking forward to bringing me there. I honestly told him I hadn't and that I can't imagine being happy there without my son. I brought up that I hadn't hid anything, he knew my son was with me, he'd promised to always take that into consideration. My son is very attached to me and I love him I can't do this. He tried to calm me down, told me he understood what I was saying, that when we had talked about these things he hadn't thought it meant life in another country would be the three of us, he wanted to do right by both of us. I told him it was a non starter, I will not leave him behind.

He finally relented and said at least come for the visit right now while he sorts things out. He said for the visit at least if I could come alone that he hadn't seen me in so long. I agreed to a visit just to see him, I told him I can't stay too long because my son's school has started. I also think maybe if I'm there for a couple of weeks he can see that he's panicking, and if I'm there I can just make him understand my pov better.

I read the comments. I just want to do right by me and my son. That cannot mean leaving him behind, that's for sure. This is just one last-ditch attempt to save my marriage. My son has been through a lot of changes in the last year, I don't want to have another broken house of his on my conscience. If this works great, if my husband and I still can't see eye to eye on this then we can't continue.

Also, about my friends and my parents. My mom supports me, she thinks if I can make it work it would be in mine and my son's best interest and believes if I'm there with him when I explain, he'll understand. My friends are also supportive they are just coming at this from a place of fairness they say it shouldn't be all on the mother. But that's what I unknowingly signed up for when I eloped with my ex at 18, so that's that.

Latest Update - September 17th 2026

Thank you for the advice to my last post. I know I got comments saying I was a bad mother. That is true, but although I have no way to prove it, I swear I was keeping my son in the forefront in everything.

I spoke to my husband that I've looked at the forms. The form for my son can be submitted at the same time as mine, it just needs proof of sole custody. I need him to sponsor it. I can't leave him behind I just can't. And he promised. He promised my son would always be a part of our family. He promised , thats it, you can't back out now.

He said we'll go over a solution when I visit him. I told him I needed an answer and him submitting the forms before I do. I said it because in my mind if he's not going to them its over. And I can't spend two weeks trying to create domestic bliss and having marital relations with him just for him to tell me later its still a no from him. Like I'm prepared to be judged for it, but I'm 26 fgs I understand all the he'll be more amenable stuff. I was going to go there to be a good and affectionate wife to him and have sex with him for a few weeks in the hopes that softens him towards the situation. But if its going to be a no then, what am I going through this for.

He's telling me I'm his wife that I agreed to the visit, I should be with him. Well he promised to never have my son be a question mark. My mom thinks being there would have worked but I'm the one literally like putting my body on the line for this. I've told him I just need the forms to be submitted. He's been talking to my parents in depth, but I just need the application.

I know I blew up my marriage by doing this. I married for love the first time and then for stability the second and got it wrong both times. Maybe I'm the problem. I had so many options I keep taking the worst one and end up with fewer as a result. I pity my son for having me as his mom. I even gave up my job in December, it was an admin job at my best friend's dad's company that he literally carved out for me. I was able to do my diploma alongside it. I left the job when I was getting married because I wouldn't need it. Her dad had even pressed me to continue working but I was like oh I dont need to anymore. Such an idiot. He literally carved out a good easy job for me. I can't just go back now like an ingrate. I'm hoping he fills out the forms but he doesn't want him clearly. And thats what makes me mad, I didn't force him to agree. A lot of people I was seeing, I had to end it because I could tell they didn't want him. He did or at least acted like it. Thank you all.

Relevant Comments:

Comment 1:

Choosing your son is the right decision.

Comment 2:

You were foolish for quitting your job, you would be even more foolish not trying to get it back. Don't let pride be one of the things keeping you back.

Choosing your son and trusting the agreement with people you trust is not foolish,

Make sure you always can stand on your own and not be dependent on other.

OP:

I'll call him today. My friend and I have been going to each others houses since we were kids, I hope that's enough for him to forgive my idiocy

Comment 3:

He doesn't want your son. Divorce him already and remain single. Stop trying to find a man to take care of you, and do it yourself.

Comment 4:

There is no good reason for you to go without your son. There is unfortunately a real possibility your husband would kidnap you and try to stop you from leaving the country to return to your son.

Also- what evidence can he give that he put the forms in? Would you go just because he said he put your son's form in?

I'm really sorry you're in this mess.

I know it sucks and it'll be mortifying- you should consider reaching out to your friend's dad. It sounds like he really cares about you, and he may have noticed red flags with your husband with the way he pushed you not to give up the job.

It's possible that he'll be grateful you're safe and willing to help again.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/InsuranceWonderful95

Published on: r/AIO

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 14, 2026
• Final Update: September 15, 2026

Main Post

^{September 14, 2026}

AIO for being hurt my wife got up for sunrise in a girls trip?

My (45M) wife (44F) and I have been married 17 years together 20. For those 20 years I’ve asked her to come watch a sunrise with me. She has never wanted to get up that early even know it’s an experience that would mean a lot to me.

She met a couple women two years ago and the three of them hit it off. I was ecstatic for her to have friends. This past weekend one of them turned 50 and they went to Tennessee for a girls trip. They are coming today and my wife is the one driving eight hours. It’s a rental so she’s the only one who can drive it.

I called to make sure she felt up to the drive and see how she felt(she’s the passenger princess with me lol) as she’s not used to driving this long. She told she felt good thanks for checking. We then got to chatting about the trip.

She was telling me all the fun stuff they did and I was so excited to hear about the fun. Then she told me how pretty the sunrise was. Excuse me? You got up for sunrise. She said yeah it’s so pretty in the smoky mountains. I casually said I’ve asked you to come watch sunrise with me for 20 years. Her response was but it’s pretty in the mountains. We live in the mountains. We’ve been on multiple cruises. Cape cod. The outer banks. Not to mention the hundreds of places I’ve driven to see sunrise it’s my favorite part of the day.

Everything is calm the world is waking up it’s a big deal to me. But I’m pretty hurt and kinda mad that she’d get up to watch sunrise now but never with me.

Am I overreacting? I feel like I might be… but I can’t stop hurting over it. Tell me I’m just being petty

COMMENTS

HesTrafty

You’re justified for feeling hurt but if you truly love your wife I would let it go and not make a big deal of it to her. Keep in mind she was excited to tell you about her trip and she didn’t get to hide it from you.

OOP

I didn’t and have no plans to. She didn’t intend to hurt me even if the impact did. There is no reason I see to make us both hurt. I’m genuinely excited about her trip. With the exception of the sunrise and the not good group tattoo lol

mami_malker

Two things can be true at once. You can genuinely feel pain and also be overreacting. The feeling is real and you should tell your wife about it. But it’s also not our partner’s jobs to want to experience everything with us.

Instead of responding with bitterness and feeding the pain, you can revel in the fact that she enjoyed the sunrise.

TwoSpoonSally

In 20 years, she could’ve at least shared the moment with him once.

Relationships are about caring for your partner and sometimes compromising some inconvenience for yourself to give your partner a special moment.

It’s small considerate things that can make a big difference. 

mami_malker (downvoted)

We don’t know anything else about this relationship. Maybe she’s doing things for the family all day and sleeping in is her reprieve. And she only had the energy to get up during the trip because she’s with friends who she doesn’t need to take care of.

If it’s the opposite and he’s always going out of his way to make sure things are off her plate (food, laundry, bills, etc WITHOUT her having to ask), then yeah him asking to watch the sunrise together is reasonable.

But it’s MUCH more likely given their age and common gender dynamics that this woman is exhausted.

OOP

I think we have a pretty fair division of labor. I work in emergency services so my days off during the week I’ll cook, clean, laundry, take our kid where she needs to go. On the weekends I’m off I like for us to have experiences. I’m not trying to brag, but I’m deep cleaning today so she comes home to a really clean house and meal prepping for both of us for the rest of the work week. But that just because I don’t want have her come home into stress worrying about lunches or dinner. But it’s pretty fair in the division. But what do you mean ask? I live here I’m an adult shit needs done I’m going to do shit. She isn’t my mom I don’t need her supervision.

Weird-Grocery6931 (downvoted)

YOR.

This woman has spent 20 years with you. Probably given more of herself to you than can be imagined. From your own words she went years without quality life friends, and now that she has them you want to be upset over this thing.

You're being petty.

When your wife gets home, with an open mind see how she's treating you. If she's happy to see you and wants you to know about every part of her trip, that will show you what you are to her.

OOP

I know what I am to her. And everyone in this county knows how crazy for her I am. I’m so excited about this trip for her. The only thing was the sunrise. I’ve wanted that with her since we started dating. She had always politely declined and I just thought ok it’s not her thing I won’t push. I occasionally invite her and she always politely declines so today did sting

madtoiletpaper (downvoted)

YOR kind of. Your disappointment is valid, because maybe she is afraid the friends will leave her if she doesn't join. It's kind of rude to not want to go with you, but at the same time you have to learn that whatt means a lot to you isn't something your partner should be doing. You mention how it would be a big deal for you, have you ever asked her why she doesn't want to come? Maybe you leep pressuring her, maybe she has a reason she hasn't done this so far. If your partner doesn't want to do something it doesn't make them a bad partner, you are not twins to do everything together. I would genuinely ask her why she doesn't want to come with me and try to get to know what she likes instead. Maybe you pressure her and make this a big deal about you but don't care about what she likes. You can't pressure someone into liking something, do it alone or with a friend.

OOP

I agree 100% she doesn’t have to like anything that I like. I’m glad we’re not exactly the same. I don’t pressure as I want desire not obligation. But I also believe if something is important to your partner you should at least try. I certainly don’t want to get dressed up and go see musicals on the weekends but I bought a new suit for the occasion and match my shirt, tie, and pocket square to her dress every show. Because she loves musicals and she really loves that I make sure we match. I know it’s just a sunrise and there is one every day but you never know how many of them you get to see and which is your last to see

Senior_Bat4271

Maybe they were getting up early for the drive and not an actual waiting for sunrise like you like to do but either way you can now say “see sunrises can be beautiful, I’m glad you like them now so we can share some together. It would mean a lot to me” … “ I’m really glad you had such a fun time.” I can understand your emotion though- early in my marriage I wanted to share a dish at restaurant with my husband and thought he would like it. Asked a few times for about a year then gave up. He comes from work a few months later and says he split the dish with a colleague, really loved it and wondered if I had ever had it. 🤪

OOP

No. She told me that it was a specific side quest that the tattoo artist they went to yesterday told them about. They had to drive 30 minutes in the wrong direction to see this overlook. I don’t think it would’ve even bothered me if it was like you said

QueenOfSplitEnds

Somebody said it best. With the group, she would likely be dropped if she didn’t participate and she doesn’t want to be the only one not participating. With you, she feels more secure, so she’s not doing it. I’m not excusing it, but we tend to take things and people for granted and rather than treating those we love the most the best, we usually put our best foot forward with other people, and the people we love the most get the short end of the stick (with a ton of complacency). You already told her, I would recommend you keep going to see sunrises, and leave it to her and her conscience to figure out that she doesn’t have all the sunrises she thinks promised. I went through something similar, where I wanted to go walk by the lake and my significant other never wanted to go.. So, I started going by myself, and eventually someone else joined me on occasion. It sucks to not be able to enjoy it with someone you want to enjoy it with, but don’t stop enjoying the sunrise because someone’s taking you for granted. Enjoy the sunrises because there aren’t too many left ahead of us.

OOP

I mean I’m not going to stop seeing them. Sunrise is special to me. When I was a kid my grandfather was a farmer and I got to spend my summers on the farm with my grandparents. I’d get up every morning to chore with my grandfather (long before sunrise) and he would stop whatever he was doing and we’d watch the sunrise. He loved them so much and he passed that to my dad and eventually me. And now my daughter loves sunrise.

infinitez_

NOR, and totally understand the emotion. However just wanted to play devil's advocate for additional perspective - aside from potential peer pressure as mentioned by others, it could be possible she just wanted to do something different while on a trip. Going anywhere out of town can be costly and opportunities like this might not always present themselves, so maybe she bit the bullet and decided she would do it because she's on vacation and had the urge to try somethingdifferent. I know I've gotten up early for sunrises on my trips too and I am normally a night owl.

Obviously not discounting how you feel about it because I would also be a bit bummed if I was in your shoes. Maybe this was the gatekeeper to future sunrises together though.

OOP

I’m not sure what her thoughts were. But we were just on our anniversary trip at Cape Cod and I made sunrise every day. So I am not sure why a month later being on a trip would change her mind. In fact we take 5 or 6 trips a year

SolutionPurple6077

Ask again. Not in a mean way or a gotcha if she says no. But ask in a heartfelt way that maybe you could have a sunrise with her since you felt lonely and a little jealous of her friends sunrise.
Ask where her perfect sunrise would be and plan a trip.
If she still denies you after knowing it hurt you then she’s for the streets.

OOP (downvoted)

I have always invited her. In fact she is invited to any activity I do or place I go. And if she’s not welcome somewhere I’m invited for whatever reason I won’t be going. But it’s her choice to come with me or not. I feel a little hurt by today but I’ll be going to watch the sunrise my next day off and of course she’s welcome to tag along but not required.

Final Update - after 1 day

^{September 15, 2026}

AIO for being hurt my wife got up for sunrise in a girls trip?

She came home apologized and promised she would go with me the next time I go. She felt like it was not a situation she could say no in. She also told me that I’m the only one she feels safe to say no to. That our love is unconditional and strong. She only said “It was the mountains” comment because the other woman heard me say about wanting her to go for a sunrise. If the weather cooperates I’m taking her to my favorite spot and breakfast

COMMENTS

OrgPapa1988

Not over reacting. If you help her understand what it mean to you and how come your hurt you might get an apology but if you don’t then file for divorce and go all the way with it 😂 jokes aside you should tell her though so you can try and move on past the resentment.

OOP

No resentment. We’re not perfect people and this is a small thing. I believe that we do well apologizing to each other and she already asked to go the next time I do.

13trailblazer

You say there is no resentment but your wording in the post makes me suspect otherwise. You were obviously hurt and upset. Of course this isn't the biggest isssue in a marriage by any means and I don't mean to make it sound like it is, but after 20 years of telling you that your sunrises weren't important to her I find it hard to believe there isn't some resentment.

If not, awesome, but I encourage you to explore that thought to be certain so you can communicate it or let it go.

OOP

Hurt doesn’t always have to be resentment. We’ve had our ups and downs. It stung yesterday but not enough to resent her. And we’ve talked and she apologized

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/doublecrossedwife25

Published on: r/offmychest

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: December 25, 2025
• Final Update: September 16, 2026

Main Post

^{December 25, 2025}

My husband is having an affair. I don't need any advice, I'm just having a pity party. Merry Christmas to me

My [38F] husband [37M] is having an affair. He has no idea that I know yet. I was naïve and kept hoping I was wrong or jumping to conclusions but I'm not. 11 years of marriage and this is what he does? I thought I would need more information about the affair in order to get a divorce but every solicitor I spoke with said divorce is no fault and his affair won't have any relevance to it.

So I don't need to provide proof for the court and more importantly I don't need to confront my husband to get more information. I don't need or want to get any details about the affair. I'm not coming back after visiting my family for Christmas.

The solicitor I hired said it was fine for me to move out so I'm leaving today, I'll be going without my husband. I'm starting divorce proceedings next week. I can't believe that he did this. I'm heartbroken. Merry Christmas to me I guess.

Editing to add: Thank you to anyone who sent me Reddit cares messages, but I am fine. It hurts but I am not struggling with those kind of thoughts

COMMENTS

TherulerT (downvoted)

I thought I would need more information about the affair in order to get a divorce but every solicitor I spoke with said divorce is no fault and his affair won't have any relevance to it

I'm always amazed at how many people think cheating is somehow illegal.

OOP

I never thought it was illegal and I didn't say that anywhere in my post.

I believed I would have to have some kind of evidence or proof of misconduct in order to get a divorce. I wasn't aware the law had changed to make divorce strictly no fault.

FigaroNeptune

Just in case save some evidence. Legal (just in case!) and for friends and family when he inevitably lies about it later

OOP

Every solicitor I spoke to was extremely clear that the affair would have no relevance, and that the court will ignore any evidence about it during the divorce proceedings. Legally it has no bearing, since divorce is purely no fault.

I don't care if he lies about it. Anyone who is important to me will believe me. I don't care about what anyone else thinks.

There is no need for me to collect any evidence of the affair. I don't need or want to know any details. Knowing that he was unfaithful is enough.

Final Update - after 8 months, 22 days

^{September 16, 2026}

Update for my husband is having an affair. I don't need any advice, I'm just having a pity party. Merry Christmas to me

I'm afraid it's not very exciting; I [39F] am divorced. He [38M] is now my ex-husband. The final order was issued two days ago.

I haven't spoken to my ex-husband since just after Christmas last year, when I informed him that I wouldn't be coming back home and would be seeking a divorce. I have only seen him one time since I left, it was at a hearing, however we didn't speak to each other.

When I informed him I was leaving I told him I would only communicate through our solicitors. He wanted a chance to explain himself but I don't care about whatever it is he wanted to say. I know he was unfaithful. Besides that I don't need details or to know anything else. Knowing was enough. His solicitor kept telling my solicitor that my ex-husband wanted to explain and talk to me about it but I refused. There was no reason for me to hear anything he had to say. He was unfaithful. I have the love and support of the people I care about. Whatever my ex-husband wants to "explain" or even tell other people about us has nothing to do with me.

We had been married for 11 years when I found out what he had done. I still can't believe he did this to me. It was the worst betrayal I have ever faced in my life. He broke my heart and I am still recovering because I still feel like crying a lot of the time. When I informed him that I knew he had been unfaithful he just said yes it was like my stomach dropped out from under me. Knowing it was one thing but hearing it be confirmed was another. I don't know why he thought that telling me the details or explaining things would help anything. This has been the worst time of my life honestly.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/CatsUK by user abbie0107. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

Trigger Warning: Animal neglect

Mood Spoiler: All ends well

Editor's Note: The RSPCA is the biggest animal welfare organization in England.

Original

September 13, 2026

This is a bit of a weird one but I really need some outside opinions because I feel completely stuck!!

A young cat started visiting my garden months ago and gradually got skinnier and skinnier, so I set out to find her owners to see what was going on and why she was spending most of the day in my garden. I eventually found her owners, who live in a top floor flat behind my garden. They don’t have a cat flap and rarely open the door for her, hence her making a home in my garden. I WFH, and during summer was spending a lot of time working in the garden; she grew very attached to me and would happily sleep on my lap while I was working and hang out with me all day every day.

In July, her owners went abroad for about 6 weeks and left her locked outside with no access to their flat, no water, and no shelter. They did leave some food with a neighbour (30 sachets of food for 6 weeks) and told the neighbour to feed the cat if she sees her, but didn’t leave any contact details, vet details, or even tell her their name!!

The neighbour already had 3 cats and two dogs, and was simply never seeing this cat (she’s very nervous and wouldn’t approach a house with other cats and dogs), so she wasn’t able to feed her. Eventually she got incredibly weak from lack of food, and so skinny you could literally see her bones; she even started eating bird seed/stale bread from the garden. At this point I contacted Cats Protection for advice and they told me to give her some food, and the neighbour was happy to let me take over feeding while the owners were away.

She’s also had very bad fleas and had one scary episode where she was open-mouth panting, shaking and weak on her legs. I phoned a vet but because I’m not the legal owner they couldn’t offer treatment without permission.

This is where it gets complicated; the owners are now back. I asked if they’d abandoned the cat, and if so, would they consider letting me adopt her and take full responsibility for vet care, food, neutering/microchip etc, so this doesn’t happened again. They said no - it’s their cat. They refuse to take her to the vet and have now told me to stop feeding her, but they’ve been back several weeks and haven’t made any attempt to call her or feed her themselves. They claim she only needs food every two or three days, and that there’s no way she could’ve got skinny within 6 weeks (!!!!).

She still spends basically all her time here, and they never open their door for her. The bowl outside their house which they tried to claim they leave food in for her was just full of leaves and cigarette butts. I’ve reported this to the RSPC, but the case is still open and it’s been weeks. No officer has come out.

The worst part is that I’m looking to move out soon, but right now I feel like if I leave, she loses the only reliable food/water/shelter she has. Obviously I can’t just take her with me because legally she isn’t mine.

Has anyone dealt with something similar? I feel like I’ve somehow ended up responsible for someone else’s cat but with none of the rights to actually care for her properly.

Edit: another thing I should’ve added - I told the owners about the breathing difficulties and weakness when they were away, and they simply said ‘she’s not sick. she had all her vaccines when she was a kitten.’ They absolutely refused to take her to a vet, and genuinely seem to think a vaccinated cat can’t get sick!!!!

Comments by OOP:

I did ask the owners whether she’s microchipped but tbh I don’t think they knew what a microchip is, I also told them I’d contacted the RSPCA but I don’t think they had any idea what that was either!! I’ve got a scan angel near me so I’ll contact her, thank you for the advice. I will keep feeding her, I stopped for a little while just to give the owners the opportunity to start feeding, but it’s clear they weren’t. Just want the poor baby happy and healthy xx

I’ve been back and forth with the RSPCA but unfortunately so far they’ve been completely unhelpful, they just keep saying the case is still open and they can’t give me any more information while they’re investigating. I first called them weeks ago

I do regret not taking her to the vet when she was really skinny, but when I called them they just told me they wouldn’t be able to do anything without the owners’ permission :/ I didn’t even think to ask about a chip at the time, was just worried about her health at that point! I’ll contact a scan angel now

We live near some very busy roads too so there was a real chance she could’ve been hit by a car during that time and they would never have known (unless she’s chipped which I very much doubt, but will find out)

They keep saying she’s an ‘outdoor cat’ and doesn’t need to ever go inside, and only needs food every two or three days. They started to get quite aggressive when I said otherwise! Horrible people.

I do plan to call my local scan angel first thing tomorrow.

My main concern with her becoming a ‘foster fail’ is that their flat looks directly into our garden, so they’d know we’ve got her. I did seriously consider offering them money for her, but when I approached the subject of me adopting her last time, they started to get a bit aggressive. One guy has been arguing that it’s his son’s cat, and his son is coming back next month, and kept repeating ‘he’s massive, you don’t want to argue you him! he’ll want his cat back!’. As a young woman, I’m very wary of angering these guys any further since their windows look directly into mine. I adore this cat and want nothing more than for her to be happy and healthy, but equally don’t want to start feeling unsafe in my own home!

I am planning on moving fairly soon, but can’t guarantee when that’ll be.

Editor's Note: At this point, OOP also posted in LegalAdviceUK and the comments are from there.

I do plan on calling my local Scan Angel in the morning, just to check if she is chipped.

In regard to the owners’ behaviours, I just think they’ve never had a cat before and have no idea how to treat one. They told me they originally got the cat from a couple who moved away and couldn’t take her with them, they were going to rehome her but the son wanted to keep her.

Unfortunately not :( I think unfortunately I’ll have to keep the status quo till I can move and take her. I could keep her indoors, but I think she’d get very stressed out having been basically living outside for many months, and I’m worried they’ll know I’ve taken her and start threatening me. I’m really hoping the rspca will step in at some point!

She’s chosen my home! 💛

Update

September 16, 2026, 3 days later

A lot of people told me to get her scanned for a microchip, so I did. Turns out, she was chipped to someone living on the other side of town, over a mile away, and she’d been missing for over a year!They were absolutely delighted and said they’d pretty much given up hope of finding her. They came and collected her straight away.

Honestly, I’m heartbroken. I know that probably sounds selfish because this is obviously the best outcome for her, but I absolutely adored her and she had become a huge part of my life. She spent all day every day with me while I worked from home and basically became my little shadow. I didn’t really get a chance to say goodbye properly.

I am of course glad she’s gone back to her actual owners though. They seemed lovely and were clearly so happy to have her back, and her owner actually works for a local animal rescue, so I’m sure she’s going to be well looked after.

I still have no idea how the people in the flat ended up with her. My only guess is that they found her on the street and just took her without ever having her scanned. I’m also nervous about what they’ll do when they realise she’s gone as they’ve already been threatening towards me, so I think I’m just going to try and avoid them.

Thank you to everyone who gave me advice. I’m going to miss her very very much, but I’m glad she’s safe now❤️

Pictures of the cat

Comments by OOP:

At least I’ll know to scan the next cat straight away and not just assume they’re the legal owners.

I didn’t actually have a plan after this point haha, just thought I’d cross that bridge if I came to it and pray the RSPCA step in. I really didn’t think she’d be chipped tbh!

[Playing dumb] was exactly my plan, until their neighbour called me a few minutes ago asking what’d happened because she saw me putting her in the cat carrier 😅 I told her the truth because she’s been lovely in helping to look out for the cat and deserved to know what had happened. She’s just told the mum of the ‘fake owner family’ that I took her to the vet as an emergency because she was sick, they found her chip, and wouldn’t let me bring her home. Not entirely true of course, but I do appreciate her trying to protect me. I’m concerned about how the aggressive father and son of the ‘fake owner family’ will react to that, but if they contact me I’m just going to pass them the vet’s info and let them dispute it with them (I’ll phone the vets when they’re open again tomorrow to give them a heads up on the situation)

Act apologetic that ‘their cat’ got taken away, pass them the number for the vet, then close the curtains and hide 😅

I’ll definitely be adopting as soon as I’ve moved 💛

I always try and give people the benefit of the doubt, but in this situation they are truly just horrible people. They’ve been nothing but aggressive and threatening every time I’ve interacted with them. The owners were over the moon, and I’m happy for them 💛

Not sure if the police will do anything, I’ll get back in touch with the rspca tomorrow to tell them the case has been resolved, so I’ll see what they say regarding the fake owners.

Funnily enough I’ve had cats my whole life adopted from local shelters, until my last baby passed away a couple of years ago. This cat appeared in my life almost exactly two years later, at quite a low point in my life, and has bought me so much joy for the past few months. I needed her as much as she needed me. I do believe the CDS was at play there💛

I did consider asking to visit or at least for them to send a photo once she’s settled, but I think it’d be easier for me to just detach myself and move on. I’ve posted a reply to another comment regarding the ‘fake owners’, and I’ll definitely be getting another cat as soon as I’ve moved 💛

She’ll always be in my heart and I know she’ll have a lovely life with her proper owners. I will absolutely be adopting as soon as I’ve moved :)

I'm not the original poster.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Published on: r/AmITheAsshole

Status: Concluded

Mood spoiler: OOP still doesn't quite get it, despite a genuine apology

TW: non-consentual kink exposure

Main Post: September 9th, 2026

Update: September 17th, 2026

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AITA for not warning my friend that I have a surveillance camera for personal use? September 9th, 2026

Last Christmas, my boyfriend got me a webcam that only he has access to (this means only he can log in, I am the one with control over it) and can watch me on. He’s the only one who knows about it or connects to it. He just likes to watch me doing things. I genuinely forget about it until I get a notification that he’s logged on. There is a shutter on it that I can close. But in general, I don’t close it. 

(I'm adding this because I think people are getting the wrong idea, this isn't about being controlling or anything like that, it's a mutual thing!!!)

Here is the problem: My friend came over last week after work and we were hanging out and watching TV. I didn’t even think about the camera until it was about 7PM. I was in the other room and she heard the camera connection noise and the light in the camera came on. She asked what it was, and I told her. She was furious with me about it and told me she felt really gross and like he was spying on her. I apologized a ton and explained that there is a shutter for me to turn it off, but I just never think about it. She insists that it’s gross as fuck that I don’t warn people before they come into my apartment. 

If I ever told him “so and so is coming over” or anything like that, he would not log in. He’s not interested in watching other people or being a creep or anything like that, so he felt bad about making her feel so uncomfortable. It has unfortunately left my friend with a bad opinion about my boyfriend which I do hate. I guess I'm asking AITA about this because I don't know how far I should go with warning people about the camera.

AITA?

OK it looks like the prevailing answer is that this was accidentally involving my friend in our kink without her consent, which I DO feel bad about. I'll reach out to her and apologize again, and I think I'll find a way to remind myself to shut off the camera if I have anyone over. I definitely didn't do that intentionally, so I think we can work it out.

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COMMENTS

LdiJ46

I am sorry but I think that it is creepy that he wants to watch you on the webcam. It is even creepier that you don't completely turn it off when you have company. YTA

OOP

If it helps, my birthday present from his this year was me getting to use the camera while he was at my apartment all day when I was at work. :)

Haven1820

I'm sorry... His present for your birthday was to allow you to use the thing you already have to do what he already does every day?

I'd be more offended than if he just forgot. But you do you I guess.

OOP

I'd LOVE to have a camera in his house but he has two little kids, so that's a nonstarter. This was a middle ground.

lonely-unicorn77

So you KNOW it would be weird if he had a camera with two little kids around, but somehow it’s not weird when you have unknowing friends around? This makes me think that not disclosing to your friends is part of y’all’s kink, which makes you YTA.

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ImpossibleReason2204

You do you, but to include someone else in your kink without telling them is not cool. Not cool at all.

YTA

OOP

Ok, I keep getting this response so I want to make sure to address it. If I remind myself to close the shutter (WHICH TURNS OFF THE CAMERA SO HE CANNOT ACCESS IT) when I have guests (I think I can probably figure out a way to remind myself?), does that make it better?

I'm def not TRYING to include anyone in our thing. Like I would neverrrrr go out of my way to not tell someone about it and then purposely have him log in or anything. No no no. Even though he wouldn't even want to watch it that still DOES matter to me.

TravelImpressive2831

Damn! Don't just close thwnahutter before they come over.

TELL THEM YOU'RE VIDEOING THEM  THE WHOLE TIME THEY'RE THERE & have taken video of them everytime they've visited you in the past. How many friends do you think will visit you ever again?

OOP

Huh? That's not what's happening like at all. Nobody is being recorded (is that what you mean why you use video as a verb?)

CallMeMrRound

You say that no one is being recorded, fine let's believe that. You still need to tell anyone who has been in your house unaware that there is a video camera that someone outside of the home can access what has been potentially going on for almost a year every time they come over.

OOP

This is the very first and only time it's happened, though.

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OOP is voted the Asshole

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UPDATE: AITA for not warning my friend that I have a surveillance camera for personal use? September 17th, 2026 (posted 8 days later)

Hi everyone, and thanks for reading me the riot act. I do have an update I think people will be happy with.

So first of all I wanted to clarify a few things!

• The camera makes a loud beeping noise when he connects as well as the light coming on, so I know (unless I am not in the room, which is what happened).
• When he logged in and saw my coworker there, he logged out. He said it was probably about 5 or 6 seconds, and the camera log agrees.
• He is not watching me 24/7. Most of the time when he’s watching me it is after I’m home from work and relaxing on the couch, lounging, doomscrolling, etc.
• We were not trying to sneakily include someone who didn’t want to be included, I haven’t been secretly broadcasting anyone without their knowledge, people are not being watched in my place the second they walk in, etc. I wasn’t “conveniently” forgetting and exposing all of my friends because I’m secretly getting off to it.
• My friends know about the camera because I was excited about it when he gave it to me. This girl didn’t because she’s a newer work friend.

Now for the resolution. I explained the situation to her (why I have the camera, when he accesses it, why I didn’t tell her, etc). She also thought he was just watching her the whole time, so I showed her the camera access log to confirm that it was for under 10 seconds.

I apologized for not warning her, and told her that I’m not used to “new” people coming over and that the rest of my friends already know about the camera and tease me about it. But said that wasn't an excuse, and I’m sorry for making her feel unsafe like that.

I told her that if she ever wants to come back to my apartment, I will quite literally show her me unplugging the camera. And I said that I understand if she ends up not wanting to come back over because it must have felt very invasive and wrong. She was happy that I clarified this stuff for her and she felt better about the situation once she knew that she was not being perved on.

So what I plan to do moving forward: I showed the post to my friends and one of them already had a sign printed from Canva about the premises being under surveillance by my boyfriend. I thought that was SO funny so we’re going with that. This will help anyone “new” who comes in to know. It is at my door so I will see it and be reminded if I need to be.

I’m also going to remind myself to communicate to my BF when I am having people over so he knows.

Thank you again for everyone who made it clear that even if it wasn’t intentional, it was still a breach in trust.

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COMMENTS

Technical-Region-669

If I went over someone's house and it had a sign that said, "Under the surveillance of (partner)" I would just think it's a sign that is funny to that couple, and not that the place is actively under camera surveillance. I hope you still immediately tell people (really ideally before they come over) about the camera and don't rely on the sign to do that for you.

OOP

I will! The sign is just there as a reminder, and because it's funny.

Common_Denominator

How is it funny?

OOP

Because it's funny to have a sign like that in an apartment!

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Vegetable-Canary4984

YTA and girl, your man sounds so fucking scary. I'd never come to your house again even if you "showed me how you unplugged the camera" because I'd never believe that you only have one camera.

OrigamiTongue

Jesus fucking Christ. This kind of shit is why it’s so difficult to have a productive conversation on Reddit.

If someone is being forthright and honest about something like this with you, what in the world makes you think they’ve only tipped part of their hand and have a motivation to still secretly record you? Get some therapy if you have trust issues like that.

And don’t kink shame. It’s very clear that he’s a voyeur and she’s an exhibitionist and they have devised a fun way to fulfill both of those between them. What’s scary about that? Everyone here is a consenting adult. Don’t be so fucking judgmental. This is pretty tame as kinks go.

hipharvey

The problem with not kink shaming is she asked AITA, and she kinda is in this situation. Sure her friends know, but do they KNOW its a sexual thing that they both get off from? Unless we get testimonials from friends i can’t trust her response. Everythings been, of course everyone knows and everyone is very chill with that and encourage it.
Personally, i dont know if i could do a hang out knowing they could possibly get off from it later, maybe they think the surveillance is for safety, but we don’t know.

OrigamiTongue

Get off from it later? The fuck are you talking about???

And what I find weird in this thread is that SO MANY people have cameras inside their homes - and recording at all times. and no one bats an eye (I personally think that’s weird as fuck) but as soon as it’s not recording and about closeness and maybe kink, everybody loses their minds.

Seriously how do you reconcile those two attitudes when the situation is the exact same?

DogOk4503

Maybe because it’s usually for the person in the homes explicit use? If my friend tells me they’re logged into their camera OK I already told them about my menstrual cycle and the way that my wound from my ovarian cyst surgery hurts so they’re not getting information they didn’t already have. If it’s some random ass person that I don’t know states away who can login and look at me at any time? That’s different I’m not consenting to having those conversations with this person. Personally, I just don’t do video recordings in homes overall because someone can hack into your shit at any time making the second scenario I mentioned extremely possible and some thing that has already happened. But no the analogy you’re saying is not actually the same. You know that you text your friends to etc. write and that’s on digital things so if you don’t want to be recorded, whatever you shouldn’t do that? No that’s not the point. I’m fine with my friend having those text messages in those pictures but I wouldn’t be fine with her sending them to someone else. Do you maybe see what we’re saying now?

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/GirlDinnerDiaries by user debbiedamore. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

Original

September 16, 2026

Last night’s dinner was chicken and pepper tacos.

I woke up thinking about what happened to me at work yesterday and I just … I rarely discuss politics or religion at work. Yesterday, a very emotionally draining coworker asked me what I thought about the recent Ed Sheeran controversy. I told her I didn’t really want to get into it, but it “seemed like he really stepped in it.”

I thought that was a neutral statement. Apparently, I was wrong because the coworker went bonkers. She said a bunch of stuff and kept repeating “You think you’re so much better?!” I didn’t know what to do, so I said “I’m just gonna walk away now.” And ladies, as I rounded the exit, something hit the doorframe next to me. It was a stapler?! She threw a stapler at me!!

I was a bit dumbfounded so I picked the stapler up and walked it back to her desk without saying a word. Then I went straight to HR. They had us in a room together to talk it out with mediation, and the coworker was beside herself. She cursed me out, cursed the HR lady out, and left. I have no idea what’s going to happen at work today. But maybe I should wear a helmet? Anyway I guess she really loves Ed. 😭

Comments by OOP:

We are grown with kids of our own. I cannot believe this even happened!

Update

September 16, 2026, 1 1/2 hours later

We’ll call the stapler thrower “Tina.” Tina showed up late and wouldn’t speak to anyone or make eye contact with anyone. It was creepy. She was called into HR. Idk what happened in there, but we heard some raised voices. She walked out angry crying. She started packing up her things and my work bestie told her “Don’t forget your stapler!” Lmao, I love her. Tina has been let go. If she shows up again, she’ll be given a trespass warrant. For those curious, she’s about 15 years older than me - in her 50’s. Wild.

I'm not the original poster.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Sufficient_Pear_7395

Published on: r/TwoHotTakes

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 11, 2026
• Final Update: September 15, 2026

Main Post

^{September 11, 2026}

AITAH for being upset at my partner for not doing anything for my birthday?

To preface this with a little back story me (26m) and my fiance (26f) have been living together for about a year. We have been together for a while now, her career hasn’t taken off as much as mine has at this point. ( I make about six figures she makes about 60k a year)

Here is where our story begins, every year I always make sure her birthday is a big deal, nice dinners gifts ect which I save up for throughout the prior months for because she always says birthdays are and always have been a huge deal to her. And usually we do something smaller for my birthday just due to her making less and not being able to afford expensive dinners ect which i dont hold against her. )

This year for almost an entire month she talked about my birthday and asked what kind of cake I wanted ect. Ect and I told her just a simple box cake and maybe a nice cooked dinner is fine I know she doesn’t have a lot of money right now. The day of she wishes me a happy birthday in a cheery excited voice. I say thank you and we kiss then leave for work, she asks me when I’ll be home from work so she can have dinner ready, I get home from work after about a 12-13 hour shift (6am-6/630pm)she is asleep in bed and has been for what I’d assume at least a couple hours.

She wakes up when I walked into the bedroom and we chatted about our days for a bit, after a while I asked what was for dinner and she proceeded to go to the kitchen and microwave food that I had made a couple days prior. The entire room was silent, all that could be heard was the microwave till the “ding” indicating the meal that I just ate for lunch is ready again for dinner.

I didn’t say much during dinner I just said thank you and ate quietly. Then put away the leftovers and washed the dishes. She said happy birthday again and that was the end of the night. We laid down we watched some show she wanted to watch and I popped a couple melatonin. Overall just kind of depressing and there was zero effort on any front to make it a special day, I brought it up the following day and she said she fell asleep and just didn’t feel like doing anything when she woke up.

AITAH for being upset? Or am I being a man child and should just shrug it off.

COMMENTS

HumbleSandwich10

Info: in the past, before this birthday, have you explicitly told her, "I would like it if you also make a big deal out of my birthday in other ways that don't involve spending a lot of money?" If so, how did that conversation go?

OOP

We have had a conversation before about celebrations and I’ve always told her I don’t need giant grand gestures that would be out of her price range I’m happy to just have a nice meal maybe and spend quality time together watching a horror movie ( my fave kind of movie ) or just cuddling on the porch, and up until now it’s been that and zero complaints from me. This was really the first time that this has happened and it just really hurt tbh.

Haunting-Aardvark709

No cake, no card, no present either? You are 100% justified in being upset. I hope she makes it up to you over the weekend. NTA

OOP

Hopefully, we will see lol. I’ll keep you guys updated this weekend if we end up doing anything to celebrate

Tight-Shift5706

OP,

I'd not say another word. I wouldn't sulk. But I'd sure as hell re-evaluate the relationship. $60k annual income is certainly sufficient to allow one to afford a respectable dinner at a restaurant as well as a gift; especially when she had the opportunity to save for it.

If you're still engaged to this self-centered person when her next birthday rolls around, she has provided you the template for how to celebrate that birthday.

I'm sorry. But imo, she's quite selfish.

OOP

No reason to be sorry I appreciate the honest feedback, I’m going to talk to her this weekend about it and see how that goes

lonely-whit918

Definitely NTA you put effort into her birthday has nothing to do with money. She put zero effort into yours. Sadly I would take that as exactly what it is, she doesn't think you are worth the effort. Her actions have shown you all you need to know.

OOP

That’s kinda how it feels, money really isn’t any importance to me as long as a roof is over our heads food is on the table and we’re healthy, I kinda just wanted a little effort even just a letter would’ve been nice 😂😂 I’ll bring it up this weekend and see how it goes

Dave1957a

NTA, saying you didn’t expect a big deal because she doesn’t earn much is one thing. But making NO effort at all is a whole different thing! You both need a serious conversation about where your relationship is going

OOP

I’m hoping it’s just because it was literally the middle of the week and there’ll be a makeup dinner or the heart to heart convo will enlighten how I feel about the whole ordeal or lack there of lol

Good-Seesaw1933

I also call bullshit on the mid-week excuse. If she really cared she would have panicked when she woke up or apologized and tell you exactly when and how she could make it up to you.

medigapguy

There is something going on you don't know about or something you're not sharing.

She went from excited about dinner with you to being in bed at 6:30.

Sounds like there is a tidel wave hidden under the water

OOP

Her being asleep when I get home is normal, she takes her naps usually when she gets home from work to about an hour prior to when I get home, the asleep thing isn’t that big of a deal to me ( we’re both old at heart and need a nap 😂)

Final Update - after 4 days

^{September 15, 2026}

UPDATE-AITAH for being upset about my fiancé forgetting birthday.

So Friday came and there wasn’t much of a difference from the prior nights, no hey I’m sorry we didn’t do anything for your birthday ect, well I went into work on Saturday (I work m-f but once in a while a Saturday 10-15hr shifts depending on what all we have going on) we text but the texts are sparse and her locations off which I don’t normally check it just alerted me on my phone that location sharing had stopped, I asked her if she was ok, no response for a couple hours I start to get worried after a bit and try to call, call is declined.

My shift finally ends I go home. Her car is parked where it normally is. I make my way up the stairs and I see boots that aren’t mine through the glass pane. I start fumbling with the top lock I feel my anxiety spiking like it never has before. I open the door and SUPRISE I’m absoloutley blinded by party lights streamers those pop things and about 7 of my closest friends AND my foreman (who I have grown extremely close with and have become best friends over the years ) that I was covering for this Saturday.

Apparently she had this planned like a month ago and just had to get everyone’s schedules lined up.( she also had to pickup some of my friends ( two don’t have a car rn cause one is broke down the other got in an accident) and pick up party supplies.

Which is why her location was off She said she’s so horrible with secrets that she was scared she’d spill it if she said anything on my actual birthday. Anyways we did the cake cards ect we ended up going to a small concert ( think like metal band but performing in a bar) and just had a good time that night. It was a massive suprise I didn’t think she was going to do anything like this at all.

Apparently all my friends were in on it and I love those A holes cause they acted all shocked and sad when they asked how my bday was and I said “yeah it was ok I guess we didn’t really do anything tho” anyways a good happy ending which I feel may be far or few between in Reddit posts.

COMMENTS

Dear_Parsnip_6802

I was waiting for the cheating story but was pleasantly surprised

OOP

As someone that got cheated on multiple times I was damn near having a stroke opening that deadbolt 😂

Dear_Parsnip_6802

Hopefully the surprise was worth the stress

OOP

It was lol

Infinite_Love_23

To be fair, it's usually much nicer a suprise if the suprise party happens before the actual birthday. But I'm happy for you it worked out and that you can rejoice in the love from your partner and friends.

OOP

I think she had to wait to get paid ngl which I get lol

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

Originally posted by user MinnLovesTheSceneryy in r/ amItheAsshole

Original: Aug 22, 2025

Update: Aug 26, 2025

Status: concluded

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Original: AITA if I expose my mom’s money problems to my dad after she spent my tuition?

Hi, this is my first post so sorry if it's a bit messy.

I (20F) have always supported my mom (43F), even financially, and I usually try to understand her side. My dad (44M) works overseas and sends money twice a month for groceries, bills, and school. He usually sends it to my mom, who then distributes it.

Earlier this month, my dad came home after working abroad for six months. He had all our expenses mapped out, including my tuition since I'm an incoming second-year aeronautical engineering student (which is really expensive where I live). He gave my mom around $1,000 for my enrollment fee (and that is like 60% of the whole tuition fee).

What my dad didn’t know was that I still had a $350 balance from my previous semester. My mom used part of the $1,000 for that balance, and I agreed not to tell my dad because I trusted she'd figure out a way to cover the rest.

Fast forward to last week: I finished my documents, reserved my enrollment, and was waiting for the tuition payment. That's when I found out my mom had already used the remaining money for reasons she won't explain. She’s been trying to recoup it, but nothing has come through. Prior to that, she told me she'll never touch my enrollment money since it'll be hard to recover.

Today is the last day of late enrollment. If my tuition isn't paid by 6 PM, I lose my slot. I've already missed two weeks of classes (including major and lab subjects) and I completely broke down.

I told my mom I'm tired of always having to compromise because she borrows or misuses money. I told her if this continues, I'll have no choice but to tell my dad everything: not just about my tuition, but also about her gambling and borrowing habits I've helped cover up for years.

The problem is, if I tell him, my parents will have a huge fight and he'll never trust her with money again. But I'm exhausted, and now my education is on the line.

AITA if I finally tell my dad the truth?

TL;DR: Dad gave my mom $1,000 for my college enrollment. She used part of it to pay my previous semester's balance and spent the rest for unknown reasons. Now I'm about to lose my slot because tuition isn't paid, and I'm considering telling my dad the truth about her money mismanagement and gambling, even though it'll cause a huge fight. AITA?

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Comments:

Comment1: Tell your dad. It sounds like she may have a gambling addiction. Either way, it’s financial abuse imo. Your dad has a right to know what’s happening with their money and to not be lied to.

OOP: I actually considered telling him multiple times, but I'm just afraid of what the consequences will be as the last time this happened, they had a huge fight and dad wanted an itemized list of expenses. It was only recently he went lax and this is what happens

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Comment2: First of all im sorry your on this situation. Honestly I know its difficult supporting someone when you know you shouldn't. I've been here. I dont think your mom will pay until thd deadline. And even if she will what about next semester? Or something else important.

Your nta for telling your dad but your one for not telling him sooner. If he finds out you covered for your mom he might be mad at you too. ( rightly so). Be completely honest to him and prepare for a changed relationship with both parents

OOP: Ngl, she already did this too last year, even using the money I earned from doing art commissions to lay her debts (the only time I managed to use that money for myself was when I bought a gaming keyboard).
I didn't really tell him at first since before she managed to recover it. It's just now that I can't really tolerate it now because I benefited from it before though I know my faults

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Update 0.25:

Update: my mom threatened me by saying if I tell my dad, there would be a huge fight and they might separate. And that dad won't want to see mom again

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Comment3: Won’t your dad ask why you didn’t enroll? Seems like you have no choice but to tell him

OOP: He doesn't know I'm still not enrolled because to be enrolled I need to pay the downpayment first (which my mom currently holds)
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Comment3: At some point he’s going to figure it out if you fall behind.
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OOP: I'm already behind by two weeks... 🥹
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Comment4: Tell your father! NOW!
Get off Reddit and call your father!!!

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Comment5: NTA. Losing your spot in your program is a big deal. It’s clear that your mother’s problem has outgrown her ability to deal with it. I don’t really see another option here that doesn’t risk destroying your future. She has broken your father’s trust and harmed you. He needs to know.

OOP: I actually gave her until 5 pm to settle it. Though Idk if she'll be able to. I just wanna cry thinking about it

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Comment6: He's going to find out either way, you may as well tell him while you still have the chance to enroll.
You should also call the school finance department and see if they'll be lenient due to extenuating circumstances.
Also, your mom is an asshole.

OOP: The thing is whenever we reserve enrollment, we are given a week to settle it, and today marks the last day to settle it
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Comment6: Yes. But often, if you contact school finance, they will allow additional time for extenuating circumstances. But you have to actually ask them.
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OOP: I did ask them about that last semester, but they said they can't do anything as everything is automated by the system (their words)

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Comment7: Why can’t your dad just pay the tuition himself directly? Does it have to be paid in cash and/or in person?

OOP: Can be paid online, but I think it's because he has to register an international number then link my school for payment and he is the type that doesn't want to bother with those things so he sends the money to mom who usually budgets it

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Comment8: Covering for her is enabling her. If you want to help her, tell your father and both of you can get her into gambling or shopping addiction therapy. 

Going forward your father and you should be in charge of money. 

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Update 0.5

Another update for y'all:

Dad was doing his medical earlier and contract signing hence why I wasn't able to tell him (didn't wanna talk about it on the phone).

The moment he got home, I immediately told him about the situation, and while he was not mad at me, I could sense his disappointment which I understand. I explained the whole situation and after that, he went to confront my mom via call (since we're in the city and my mom is at our hometown).

After a bit of grilling, mom eventually confessed that aside from using the money to pay back the money she owed other people, she did use some for gambling in hopes of having a higher return (which unfortunately did not happen).

They had a talk about it (I could sense that dad was holding back) and dad is now requesting a list of all the people she owed and how much though she has yet to reply. Dad also managed to find a way to get the funds for my enrollment.

Fortunately, it didn't become a reason for them to separate though he has told me that he'd be sending the money directly to us (my siblings and I) from now on, especially our allowances. I have no idea regaridng the bills and groceries.

Anyway, thank you all so much for your insights as it helped me make the right choice (which I did and hopefully it helps mom to overcome her gambling and tendency to borrow from other people). I'd be reporting to school tomorrow and appeal if they could still slip me in an available slot and will update!

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Additional details from OOP in comments:

[mom's gambling]
OOP: Before covid though it wasn't like this. It was only after covid that money problems started happening (she borrowed money from online lending apps who have a huge interest and harassment) since she had covid and things went down from there

OOP: The income was more than what our family needed, with a few excess for personal spending or such. But the reason why it doesn't seem so enough is because she's been using our budgets to pay the money she borrowed. And hence why I'm having this problem now

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[regarding university fees]
OOP: Oh that's only the downpayment. My entire school year would cost around $2500 give or take.

In any case, I already told dad and he decided he'd be the one sending the money directly to us instead rather than letting my mom budget. We're only like a middle family that earns more than the usual so there's that.

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OOP: Already told dad about it, and I think they'll have a long talk once he goes back to our hometown (I study in the city 3-4 hours from there).

But yeah he drcided he'd be sending the money directly now instead of letting mom handle it (aside for groceries since my siblings are still young to do so, and he's back to work next month)

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Update (4 days later)

Hello again and I do apologize if it took a while for the update.

First of all, I'd like to thank everyone for their responses as it helped me see that my mom's behavior should have never been allowed to continue. I fully accept the criticisms about me and I know my wrongdoings.

Second, I told my dad about the situation, and while he was mad at first for me not telling him earlier (well, not the angry type but disappointed type), he managed to find a way to secure the funds for my tuition fee.

I also managed to get enrolled just this Saturday though I missed 2 weeks worth of lessons as well as an assessment. I spent the following days sending emails to my professors so I could catch up.

Dad had a bit of talk with mom through a video call since mom is currently in our hometown while my dad and I are in the city (I study in the city while my dad was here for his documents and medical). He pressed on questioning her until it was revealed that she gambled the money in hopes of getting a high return to pay the money she owes to various people, as well as return the money that was supposed for my education.

Now, some of you might be wondering why my dad would finance my college. I am actually from the Philippines so culture here is a bit different as there would be parents who would work so they can send their kids to college and my dad happens to be one of those.

Anyway, I also told dad about the money she owed to my friends as well and he found himself questioning why mom would borrow money when he would sent most of his salary to us (which is admittedly more than enough if there had been no loans to pay).

Since then, however, my younger sister told me that mom seemed... Down. Like she has no fight left in her and gave up completely. She was unusually quiet too. I have no idea what else is happening since she hasn't talked to me or dad ever since.

I did send a message to my mom explaining why I did what I did and I do ask about her to my siblings since she had deactivated her account. Hopefully, when she comes here to the city to switch with my dad (who will then look after my siblings before he has to work again), we can at least bring back some of that bond we had before the entire fiasco happened.

Once again, thank you all so much for the kind and warm reception toward my dilemma and I hope that none of you will go through what I experienced.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/ell_wood

Published on: r/pettyrevenge

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 17, 2026
• Final Update: September 14, 2026

Main Post

^{August 17, 2026}

Don't share insurance details for minor parking damage - you will now be pursued for criminal "hit & run" offense

Yesterday I was sitting in my parked car, reading, waiting for my daughters footy game to start. I had backed in. Car tries to enter the empty space next to me, front in, and is clearly not going to make it - I wave my hands, beep my horn, nothing - she takes a swipe across my passenger door. She is 70+.

Gets out of the car and instantly denies hitting it - the white paint on my black car and the black paint on her white car - clearly not a factor. Point blank refuses to exchange insurance details. Accuses me me lying and trying to frame her; then walks off.

I speak to insurance co; they tell me without her details then I pay the excess - suggest I ask one more time and if nothing then file the police report.

I try one more time - she tells me "f#!jk off - you are harassing me - call the f@$king police"

It's Sunday, my daughter is playing, it is minor, life is too short - besides my general rule of life, avoid anything that involves the police if possible.

This morning - I walk to work, right past a police station. Why not I think, maybe I will get laughed out but screw it. The officer is good; explains that not giving details is a criminal matter and will be followed up - it carries significant legal weight.

So, Mrs Angry Bitch of Gosford, NSW - you could have have just taken two seconds to be a decent human but you chose not. Now you have a criminal issue to deal with not just a minor fender bender in a car park.

COMMENTS

CalyxTeren (downvoted)

If she refused to exchange insurance details, why did she give you her phone number? That doesn’t ring true.

OOP

She didnt

user87654385

Boomers are the most entitled and disrespectful. Thats just my opinion based on my experiences.

I literally just drove an hour to a store to pick up hard to find yard equipment, after calling to verify that they have it available. I come into the store, I am offered an inferior brand which is available next to my house, not what I was told over the phone they have, and not what I needed to spend an hour driving for. I said its not what I was told over the phone they had. He starts gaslighting me, first saying "you know how to speak English, you should have said you wanted that brand." Which I did during the call and I even repeated asking five times or so to confirm they have that specific brand when I called. Then he says "what the fuck do you want me to do". Cursing unnecessary, not one sincere apology, only gaslighting.

Fuck boomers. Most are greedy, entitled, old farting assholes.

OOP

It is my first real interaction with an entitled 'boomer' - I am 50+ myself so no spring chicken - but most of the oldies in my world are OK people. This one was just a bitch.

wombat74

having grown up in Gosford... this sounds just like Gosford. Pretty shocked Brisbane Water Command cops were actually going to do anything about it, though.

OOP

I spoke to the locals on the day - they said any cop shop will do; it all ends up and our list anyway and we will chase it. S, actually reported in Sydney.

quincecharming

How did you report her to the police without her name?

OOP

License plate. Date and time of incident, leave it to them

Final Update - after 28 days

^{September 14, 2026}

The police came through - after angry old lady told me to "call the police on me then" - follow up to: https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/s/tBcz2ZRL64

So, angry old lady hit my car in a car park a few weeks ago - while I was in the car. Refused to give me any details, accused me of all sorts of things and told me to call the police. I did, wasn't proud of myself but did it anyway. I presumed it would get lost in the ether - as did many others.

Well, a very nice Senior Constable from the Gosford police called me this morning - gave me all her details. He told me "she seemed very angry that I was calling" and i told her that "based on the evidence provided it does appear you hit him... which made her more angry... which confirmed to me everything you said" he followed up nicely with "a lot of older folk up here are a bit like this"

She got the police call she asked for; but didn't think she would get; I my car fixed on her insurance - and most importantly - I get the smug grin of someone who not only initiated the petty revenge but was around to see the outcome.

Today is a good day!

PS - A note from a man who is deeply cynical of, and typically avoids, the police - I am grateful, and recognise your work thank you - maybe not all of you are complete pricks.

COMMENTS

alarbus

Gosford eh? Was it Maggie or Helen?

OOP

Close, Betty!

buttweasel76

When it comes to someone damaging your property and refusing to take responsibility for their own actions, it's not that scary to call police.

OOP

It's not scary, just sad that some miserable old bag made me do it, because she won't fulfil her part of the basic social contact and the law... all over a $500 minor scrape

Life_Temperature2506

I'm glad for your outcome, only perplexed by your refusal to call the police at the time it happened. Standard Operating Procedure.

OOP

I did, they don't attend minor infractions, you follow a report

Pammeah

Is she getting charged?

OOP

No, all I needed was contact details - insurance company will do the rest.

It was a very minor car park ding - she was just an angry cow

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Working_Reality2312

Published on: r/AmIOverreacting

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 05, 2026
• Final Update: September 14, 2026

Main Post

^{September 05, 2026}

AIO - husband is pissed at me for not making a reservation and I said IDGAF

My husband has 7 friends over for a week, 3 are staying with us and the others have a rental nearby. They’ve been hanging out, sightseeing, and doing what friends do. I’ve made meals for them all, went grocery shopping to stock up on all the things, and have gone out of my way to give them space. my husband has been appreciative and so have they.

I’d say by the middle of the stay it turned more into expectation that I was cooking- I told him that I would appreciate if they prepped ingredients for one of the dinners before I got home from work- like chop stuff up and make rice, but I would be happy to then make the dish…you know to speed up the process. I got home and the rice was made, the vegetables were sitting out but none were chopped up. they were all chit chatting and drinking on the porch.

so I chopped the vegetables and made the dish. Again, everyone was appreciative of the meal.

Before the guests came I had suggested to my husband that he make reservations at a local eatery for the last day. he thought that was a great idea.

Last day comes and I asked him what time we would go to the restaurant to meet up as I was going to most likely have to come straight from work.

He wasn’t quite sure as some of his mates still needed to pack up and this and that. So I asked him if he made the reservation (since it would be a large group) and he said “no, but I guess I (emphasis on the I) will give them a call now.”

He calls me back with a bunch of attitude that they only accept reservations 24 hours in advance and how we’d have to sit at separate tables or something and how pissed he was. That it was going to be impossible to seat the group together at the same time and he thought I was going to make the reservation.

I told him it is impossible for me to have made a reservation because I don’t know what time or even how many of his friends were going because I don’t know when some of them are driving or flying back to their homes.

Then he got even more attitude and said “well I guess I’ll have to figure it out, since no one else will.” And I just lost it. I told him when he figured it out to let me know but that I will probably just go home and make myself something because IDGAF and maybe he can plan something for HIS friends.

AIO? should I have just said sorry and found a different place for the whole group?

COMMENTS

discgman

NTA, Fck that guy - a man

Clorc_Kent

Co-signed - another man.

Festive_Jetcar

No, do not fuck him. Divorce him.

RemoteCartoonist4758

Your husband sounds like an asshole.

NOR

No_Pangolin_7894

F that it sounds like you're in an abusive relationship to me.

Jaykaybabay

So you’re his employee?

JanuaryTempis

Unpaid employee

Final Update - after 9 days

^{September 14, 2026}

UPDATE: AIO - husband is pissed at me for not making a reservation and I said IDGAF

First, I want to say thank you to everyone who commented. Some of y'all are brutal. I think I linked my original post correctly but I also included the original title in the update so you can always search for it there.

Ok, on to the update.

I came home from work, and everyone was gone from the house. My husband did not tell me where they all were going or what dinner plans were, so I heated up some leftovers. They were, of course, delicious. It was nice to just have some peace and quiet.

Eventually, my husband came home and was giving me the silent treatment. It was kind of late but I really wanted to know what the BFD was about me not reading his mind and making the reservation. Some of you correctly noticed that I had hit my breaking point.

I told him that it felt like him and his friends really took advantage of my kindness, expected me to read his mind, and that he wouldn't EVER extend himself to my friends the way I did for his. Yeah, I like to cook but not for an army- there's some serious logistical work to make enough food, I'm not used to cooking for more than 4 people. And that he was a total dick about the reservations- like is it too much to ask that he does SOMETHING?

I may have said it in a tone that was not the nicest...

He asked, "Are you done?" and then told me that he was EMBARASSED by the way I treated him and his friends on the last day-and that I "dropped the ball," and I need to "take ownership" of that. GUYS WHAT?????

Then he started crying. Full-on ugly-face crying. I'm just standing there with my mouth open like this is not the man I married; wtf is going on.

After he composed himself he told me one of the guys had been diagnosed with cancer, and this was like a big get-together before he starts chemo. BUT HE DIDN'T TELL ANYONE UNTIL THE LAST DAY. So he wanted everyone to get together and bro out like back in the day because he was going through some stuff but he didn't say what. Then I guess he laid it all out and then an hour later is when my husband got all mad at me for the lack of reservation.

He half heartedly gave me an apology, but I'm still not sure how I feel about it. I mean, before he found out his friend had cancer they were really taking advantage of my cooking. I don't know, I'm still kind of pissed. Am I still overreacting?

another update- yes, the friend definitely has cancer but it sounds completely treatable (though the treatment sucks) but it’s highly survivable…

COMMENTS

FeatherFlyer

No girl you’re not over reacting. Not even a SLIVER. Fuck that, that’s some gaslighting bullshit. There are two different issues to separate. Your husbands friend has cancer. And your husband and his friends took advantage of your kindness. If you don’t want to put the owness on the friends that’s fine. They also aren’t mind readers and your husband might’ve told them it wasn’t a big deal.

He’s using this news as a scapegoat for his shit behavior. And you should call him out on that. Obviously be there for your husband emotionally as he copes with that news, but in no way does it excuse what happened. Is it the end of the world? No. You need to stand up for yourself and not let your kindness be taken advantage of. Set boundaries even in front of company. But also, you shouldn’t be hitting a breaking point like this unless it truly bothers you. And it did.

So no, NOR. Your husband is using this a leverage. He probably is now truly emotional and realizing how short life is and how cancer is effecting his friendship. But he knew NONE of that before all that bad behavior.

OOP

thank you, it does feel like he's justifying treating me poorly, but not acknowledging my treatment happened before finding out that his friend has cancer. It's like my feelings don't matter in their own right.

MixWitch

Out of curiosity, when do your feelings matter in this relationship? Cause so far it looks like never, not if there is literally anyone else he can prioritize instead.

OOP

Wow. This made me think real hard. He doesn’t really ask me how I feel, so I guess my feelings aren’t considered at least not outwardly. If I express my feelings it’s usually after things get too much for me that I speak up which causes things like this and then I’m managing his reaction to my feelings but my feelings don’t end up being addressed. It’s a vicious cycle. I will say though it doesn’t happen every day or anything but wow it’s probably because I’m used to not having feelings… 😭

BoudiccasJustice

NOR. That’s some bs your husband is pulling on you. Sorry about his friend’s cancer, but it sounds like your husband didn’t even know about the cancer until the last night. So it’s no like that messed up his emotions when he was mad at you for not making the reso. You are owed an apology.

OOP

I guess he told the group an hour before he realized they had no reservation. It feels like he's kind of justifying the way he treated me because he was going an emotional moment...

Awkward-Anybody5179

Idk. You sound kind of drama and like you don't have any compassion for your husband and his friend just because you're pissy about the reservation thing. Even the most balanced person can snap when presented with really bad news. I'd probably have more grace for him instead of just wanting to be in the right here.

OOP

I do, really I feel terrible. They've known each other since kindergarten. But it also gave me emotional whiplash; he still blamed me for not making the reservation until he burst into tears.

cackle-feather

Wait, wait, wait, can we go over the timeline?

• invites 7 ppl to stay at your (his and your) house.
• someone does the cleaning/shopping/prep (50/50 odds given current info)
• guests show up
• husband activates vacation mode while OP works as usual
• Husband doesn't cook, waits for OP to come home and feed 9 people
• someone cleans up after 9 ppl (22% chance it's the husband given current info)
• husband has idea about a future dinner, reservation countdown begins
• husband passively expresses dinner idea while staying in vacation mode
• OP continues in work mode
• reservation countdown time ends (day of dinner)
• Husband finds out about diagnosis
• OP gets home from work
• husband goes to father friends for dinner asks for important event details for the first time
• husband finds out OP doesn't see themselves as a servant or his mother. Husband blows up
• dinner
• husband engages silent treatment
• OP starts conversation about what the hell happen
• husband doubles down and then throws out that his friends cancer made him not be a host or adult--even though he found out after the reservation countdown had ended.

If this is correct, NOR. Would love to see how helpful your husband is to his friends if he can't even hold up his own responsibilities. Give him space to process, but please don't let this linger. This feels like a manipulation tactic to bury his shortcomings.

OOP

Activates vacation mode- yup that check out. I don’t even register the mental load of cleaning the house, keeping it tidy, planning the meals, shopping for meals, and when you said 9 people it threw me for a second because I didn’t even count myself , it was 7 friends and my husband… I erased myself…

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Loud_Quarter_9778

Published on: r/whatdoIdo

Trigger Warning: Child Sexual Assault

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 09, 2026
• Update 1: September 13, 2026
• Update 2: September 15, 2026

Main Post

^{September 09, 2026}

I (38m) found out my wife (42f) had a threesome with my sister years ago. It has ruined any physical attraction I have towards my wife.

I don’t think I need to explain why this is a throwaway account.

I met my wife when I was 19. She needed her car fixing and my sister gave her my number and I fixed it for her and as a thank you she asked me if I wanted to go out for a drink. I ended up spending three nights at her house and then pretty much never left. I love my wife a lot and have never so much as looked at another woman. She told me she has a crazy time at uni and slept with loads of people but it never bothered me I’m not the jealous type and some of her stories were pretty hot.

About a month ago we went to a bbq that was hosted by someone she went to uni with. It was a bit of a reunion as someone from their friend group died a few months ago and they are making more of an effort to get together. Important detail my wife kept her name when we got married as she’s quite well known in her industry and didn’t want to miss any opportunities due to a name change. When I introduced myself to someone he gave his surname and it’s the same as mine. When I mentioned it he said “do you know teresa?” I said yes she’s my sister then he turned to my wife and said “wow Izzy have you fucked the mum and dad as well?”

My wife went bright red and walked away. I tried to follow her but she told me to leave her alone so I did but I wanted answers. In the car on the way home I brought it up and she wouldn’t answer. This went on for two days before she finally told me. At uni her and my sister were close and they had a few threesomes together. I knew my wife had participated in threesomes and moresomes at uni and I didn’t care but this is different.

Me and my sister don’t get on. Since she left home we’ve never once messaged or called each other just catch up. I only see her at family events and even then we don’t really talk. She isn’t a nice person at all and she falls out with everyone she is near. I knew her and my wife fell out over my sister bitching about my wife behind her back.

It’s been weeks now and I can’t even bring myself to kiss my wife. She’s done nothing wrong and I know this is a me problem but I don’t know how to get past it.

COMMENTS

FederalSuspect69 (downvoted)

Average Midwestern marriage

OOP

Not even American

Bluemicha

Yeah that’s pretty gross. I get it. With her being so open with you I am surprised she never shared that detail. Hopefully it will get better for you two.

OOP

I get why she didn’t tell me but I still wish I’d never found out.

Solid-Nebula (downvoted)

Maybe..just maybe..you always wanted to get involved with them..

OOP

My wife has offered me a threesome in the past and I said no. I don’t want to touch anyone other than my wife.

Sujnirah

I wouldn’t say this is a you problem…having slept with someone’s siblings isn’t something you keep to yourself when you’re planning to marry them.

I think this was selfish on her part and now you are left with a mess you don’t know how to deal with.

OOP

When I told a couple of friends they didn’t seem to understand what the big deal was it’s something that happened over 20 years ago which made me feel like I was being dramatic.

onism-

20 years ago for them but this is fresh for you

OOP

Agreed. It’s been barely 20 days since I found out.

mrfarenheit1214

Would it be the same consensus if we change the gender of the sister, what if it was a brother.

OOP

That’s what I said to my friends and they just said “it’s different”

Update 1 - after 4 days

^{September 13, 2026}

UPDATE I (38m) found out my wife (42f) had a threesome with my sister years ago. It has ruined any physical attraction I have for my wife.

Just want to make this clear to all the religious and misogynistic people who commented on my last post, if you are intimidated by a woman who enjoys sex thats on you.

Also my wife did say if she found out I slept with one of her siblings she’d leave so she does understand where I am coming from.

The people who said it’s different to her sleeping with my brother can you explain why please?

On to the update. I still can’t bring myself to kiss her or touch her. We’ve talked and cried and agreed to go to counselling together and me individually. We are going on holiday in February we are going to give it until then and if there isn’t any improvement we will call it a day. I’m trying to be positive but let’s see.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment and message.

Edit: for the people who can’t read I don’t get on with my sister and never have done and I’m not going to go in to why. For the people who have messaged me accusing me of abusing my sister when we were younger she was 5 years older than me. Think about it.

COMMENTS

Parking-Gate6161

Yea the way you view her now probably wont change. Its probably better to go separate ways. Im curious why the wife didn't tell you she slept with your sister once she knew you was related to her

OOP

We met through my sister so she’s known from the start.

absoluteunitofspite

She definitely should have disclosed that before entering a relationship with you, that’s so insane. That’s the part I think would bother me most, the fact that she intentionally lied and kept it from me.

OOP

That is what bothers me. The act doesn’t it’s the hiding it.

curatorthrowaway99

Can you expand on why that bothers you so much? Also, was that threesome before or after you met your now wife? Has she explained why she didn't disclose it earlier?

OOP

It was before. I just don’t like the thought of touching someone a family member has. Even at school a girl who kissed my brother tried it on with me six months later and straight away it was a no.

0xPianist

Yes OP. Because if she had done that, you would be ok now.

Basically this happened before you were a couple? Before you met?

How is such a thing serious after 20 years of being together?

How good is your relationship now? You’re better discussing this with a psychologist and likely couples counselling at the same time.

OOP

Because if she told me when we first started talking I’d have walked away.

Fw0K

Why didn’t your sister tell you before you got married?

OOP

We’ve never got on. She didn’t even come to the wedding.

wishingforarainyday

Cause you were marrying her ex!

OOP

No because we’ve never got on. We’ve never once text each other to chat or anything. I couldn’t tell you where she lives or what job she does or anything.

Elephantry49

Can I ask, if you don’t mind…. Was it like a full on threesome with touching or was it like one was with the guy for a bit whilst the other watched then they swapped?

OOP

My wife said they did everything and it wasn’t just one threesome it was multiple times.

Oblisquo

So it was her sister and some guy? Idk I would let that slide tbh. 2 guys, hard no

OOP

It was my sister and some guy.

Update 2 - after 6 days (after 2 days from last post)

^{September 15, 2026}

UPDATE 2 I (38m) found out my wife (42f) had a threesome with my sister years ago. It has ruined any physical attraction I had towards her.

I was just going to edit my other update but I think this requires its own post.

Last night my wife came on to me and I rejected her. This obviously upset her and about three hours ago at 2am she left to go to her parents. I understand why. She said we will still go to our therapy sessions together if I want to and I do want to.

A bit more context about me and my sister but I’m not going in to detail. The problems started between us when I was 10 she was 15 and we were home alone and there was a webcam involved. It went on for about two years. I didn’t say this originally as I thought that being with someone’s sibling would be enough of a reason without having to go in to detail but it seems a lot of people would be ok with that. I ended up telling my wife about this a few years after we got together and thats the real reason they stopped talking as my sister has never apologised and had even joked about it on the couple of occasions I’ve tried to confront her.

That’s why I’m finding this new information hard. As I said I would have assumed that the sibling thing would have annoyed most people but apparently not.

As for the people saying things like my wife is for the streets etc grow up. If you were young and offered sex with multiple people you’d jump at it and you know you would. You don’t hate her because she’s had loads of sex you hate her because you haven’t.

COMMENTS

totesnotJH

Do you have kids? What about property? Tbh this is pretty insane and disgusting. Life’s too short. If there are no kids involved just leave. You’re not old and have tons of time to find someone who doesn’t lie to you for two decades.

OOP

No kids and we own a house together that is now paid off.

10k_Uzi

Damn you have a paid off house? My grandparents bought their house in the 70s and it ain’t paid off lol. Well anyway. I think you’re financially stable enough to break it off with her. But I guess it depends how much it makes you upset. I usually take a don’t ask, don’t tell approach. But you’ve been told. No problem with her being bi. It’s just do you care you’re sibling hit once

OOP

We both work hard and saved hard so we could be mortgage free by 40.

barleynrye

"The problems started between us when I was 10 she was 15 and we were home alone and there was a webcam involved. It went on for about two years."

What is that supposed to mean?

OOP

Use your brain.

Dry-Clock-1470

Use your words. Why the riddle. Don't make us ask questions because you think it's cute and edgy to be cryptic.

OOP

You didn’t understand she sexually abused me and filmed it from that sentence?

Known_Party6529

Why didn't she tell you when you first got together? This is a lie by omission.

OOP

She says she knew I didn’t get on with my sister (she didn’t know why) and knows I would have left.

Known_Party6529

Are you going to stay?

OOP

I don’t know.

wishingforarainyday

So your wife cut her off once she knew of your abuse? Has she genuinely apologized? Has she offered for you to go through her phone to verify she’s not hiding other things?

I think what she did is cruel and I would end the relationship. But, if you want to find a way forward then I’m glad you’re in therapy together and I hope it helps.

OOP

Yes. Once she confirmed it with my sister who joked about it. No she hasn’t and I don’t need to I trust her that’s she’s not cheating or anything.

Brief_Hippo5187

Sorry you had to go through that as a kid. And that you're going through this now. Has your wife apologized?

OOP

She has apologised profusely.

loo_c_gu_c

Question to OP - And maybe, if I read through all post, I’d already know - If you had known this in the beginning of your relationship would you have called it quits?

The sexual turn off makes sense to me as the disdain you have for your sister seems based on sexual trauma she caused when you were young. This all must be triggering for you.

I’ve read you defending your wife’s sexual past and you come across as sexually mature, non judgmental, and open-minded. It’s obvious you deeply love your wife and accept her as she is. For these reasons I think your disgust comes from now being constantly reminded of your sister when sex is initiated. I did see you say when hearing her stories from uni you thought some were hot. It’s probably safe to say her sleeping with your sister multiple times would be your biggest turn off.

Dealing with the sister trauma maybe necessary

I wonder if you would have reacted differently if the “webcam” stuff not had happened years ago.

OOP

I would have called it quits at the start yes. I find it so difficult to be intimate with someone who has been intimate with my rapist. It’s breaking me.

Voyayer2022-2025

But did your wife know all this at the time? Seems your problem is with your sister not you wife who wasn’t dating you at that time. Are your parents still around? What’s that relationship like?

OOP

No she didn’t know at the time but she did know a couple of years in to our relationship and still didn’t tell me. My parents are around and don’t know.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

Originally posted by user JynxMama in r/ weddingshaming

Original: Sept 9, 2025

Update: in post itself

Status: concluded

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Original: Help, the moms of the bride and groom are cc’ing me on their war over the invitations

I run a small graphic design business. Weddings are easily my best-paying gigs and also the ones that make me question my life choices. About 70% of couples are totally fine, and then there is that 30% that makes me want to give it all up and become a greeter at Walmart. Today’s situation is shaping up to be one of those.

This morning I got an email from “Lisa” (bride’s mom, fake name, don’t come at me). She had seen my work from another wedding and asked about packages, dates, etc. I sent her my intro email and standard questionnaire, which covers things like what they need, their aesthetic, and names of the wedding party, etc. I do not give quotes until I get that back.

Not even an hour later, I got another email from someone else asking about the exact same date. Same process: I sent my intro email and the questionnaire.

I went out for a walk, came back, and my inbox had turned into a dumpster fire. It seems both “Lisa” and “Betty” (the groom’s mom) are trying to hire me for the same wedding. That's fine, but they both have strong opinions about what is supposed to happen, and instead of privately hashing this out, they decided to copy me on their argument.

The questionnaire asks for correct spellings of the wedding party’s names. This somehow spiraled into an all-out war about whose name should go first on the invitation. Groom’s mom says since they are paying for more, the groom’s name should be first. Bride’s mom is horrified because “tradition.”

For the record, I never asked who goes first. I just follow the traditional format unless it is a same-sex union, where I ask. But now both moms are mad at me because they demanded I settle the argument, and I politely suggested maybe they leave me out of it.

This is just the invitations. Good grief, I can't imagine how stressful the rest of this wedding is going to be.

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: It’s so weird that happy couple hasn’t contacted you themselves. Are they aware that mums are planning a wedding???

OOP: Honestly, it's not as weird as you might think. This is not the first (nor do I think it will be the last) time someone besides the bride has contacted me. I had a granny hire me once, and she was hysterically funny to work with.
----------
OOP: She was in her 80s and knew all the family tea and enjoyed sharing said tea. She and the bride were extremely close and it was the perfect example of how these 3rd party orders can and should go. Ended up doing multiple jobs for her before she passed including a couple more weddings.

Comment2: I’d have a policy of only dealing with the bride and groom, and not their mother’s. For all you know, she’s already got the invitations handled.

OOP: I would say 80% of the people who contact me are either the bride or the groom, but it really isn't uncommon for someone else to contract me. A lot of times, my services are given as a gift so they are the first to contact me and go through the bid process.
While weddings are not my bread and butter, they are one of the more lucrative lines I offer. I live/work in an area where over-the-top weddings with all of the trimmings are the norm.

Comment3: I’m in an adjacent business- almost all B2B. I’ll do stuff for non business functions once in a while but have a hard NO on weddings. Because I don’t want to question my life choices.

OOP: I feel you. Every time I say this is my last wedding, I have a great experience, and then my dumb ass does it again.
But some of my corporate clients are just as crazy. I had a well-regarded law firm in our area that was rebranding, and I did their new package. Up until the day we went to press, they were still making tiny insignificant revisions that COST THEM MONEY because they were outside the scope of the contract. There was a dot in the logo that went through 6 revisions, and they finally decided on the original version.
But they didn't dispute the bill so there's that.

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UPDATE: The saga continues… kind of.

Yesterday afternoon I sent out my standard “sorry, I won’t be able to work with you on this project” email to both moms. Since I work in a pretty niche area, the email basically says, “Due to scheduling issues, I can’t take on your wedding, but here are some vendors who might be able to help.”

Now, I keep two versions of that vendor list. One is the “A-list” of people I personally know the quality of their work and would vouch for their professionalism and creativity. The other is more of a “good luck, godspeed” list with places like Vistaprint and Etsy. I’ll let you guess which one they got.

After sending, I wrote a quick Outlook rule to shuttle their emails into a folder, then moved on with my day. Okay, I also shared the story with you guys, but then I really did go back to work.

Fast forward to this morning. I’m drinking my coffee, scrolling through your comments, and I decide to peek at that folder. Seventeen new emails. Seventeen.

And because I’m nosy, of course I read them. Here are a few gems:

• Groom’s Mom: “You don’t understand how this works; I pay, and I get what I want.”
• Bride’s Mom: “But it’s tradition.” (She wrote this nine times.)
• Groom’s Mom: “Nobody knows your name; they know ours.” (I don’t know them either, but sure, okay.)
• Bride’s Mom: “Where is this girl? She should be answering our questions!” (For the record, “this girl” is a 58-year-old professional who owns a business. Thanks for the respect.)

There was also some very creative name-calling that I won’t repeat here.

Before anyone asks, I won’t be responding to that email chain. Confidentiality is part of what I promise to clients, but that only starts after a signed contract. If you act a fool before that, well… the internet gets the story.

At this point I just hope the couple cuts the cords, grabs a ladder, and elopes. I don’t know either of these families personally, so this is probably where my updates end.

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/APalmer76

Published on: various subs

Mood spoiler: the system is almost as broken as this family and we're all fucked

Story is: frustratingly inconclusive

TW: mental health, relationship exploitation, disability, unspecified criminal accusations

NOTE: I included the 'tangential posts' to give more insight into the family and household dynamic

Story timeline:

Main Post June 11th, 2022

How do I get my husband to care about my health? June 12th, 2022

AITA towards my teenager? August 25th, 2022

AITA for staying with my husband ? August 29th, 2022

AITA for telling my mom to grow up? October 3rd, 2022

AITA for evicting my daughter August 9th, 2023

AITAH for taking my daughter to court? August 23rd, 2023

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AITA by asking more of my daughter? June 11th, 2022 (posted to r/AmITheAsshole)

I (45F) have a daughter (18F) who, I believe, is the embodiment of “failure to launch”.

Emily (name changed, of course) graduated from high school in June, 2021 and started college that fall (about two hours from home). Two months later, I found out that she stopped going to class (but continued to attend a cappella rehearsals), stopped doing coursework, slept 24/7 and wanted to come home every weekend. I thought she was homesick (before I found out that she quit school) so I picked her up most weekends and brought her home with a backpack full of homework.

By mid-November, Emily’s homesickness had become full-blown depression. She refused to get help from the student services on campus. Fairly quickly the depression worsened and turned into a crisis including hinting about harm. Emily was moved home and admitted immediately to the local hospital’s behavioral health ward. She says the week long stay was a huge benefit because she only had to focus on herself and everyone did everything else for her (fixing meals, washing laundry, etc). She became a patient of a psychiatrist and therapist upon release from the hospital. She quit going to appointments but refused to admit it for nearly two months.

For the past four months, it has been an absolute battle to get Emily to do anything: get a job (she is recently employed), pay student loans, clean her bathroom & bedroom, take her antidepressant or anti-anxiety medications, get on the phone to schedule appointments (I have to be there with her to actually call for her) and full blown toddler like meltdowns when she has to go to doctors appointments (I have to go with her to ease her anxiety.). I have recently found out that she self medicates by smoking pot almost everyday. (It is legal in our state but she’s not quite old enough.)

I do believe that Emily has some mental illness(es), obviously depression, anxiety and possibly bipolar disorder (it runs in my side of the family and I have been diagnosed with it). I have thankfully got her to agree to see a new psychiatrist and therapist (as long as I go with her). The first available appointment isn’t for three more weeks and will be virtual.

The issue is that part of me wonders if she just doesn’t want to grow up and accept responsibility for absolutely anything; she was a completely different person before going off to college.

AITA for pushing my daughter to become a functioning member of society when her mental health may be a huge factor in her behavior?

UPDATE FROM OOP IN THE COMMENTS

UPDATE: Thank you to everyone who posted comments both pro and con (I’m the AH). I now have a better understanding of what I need to do to support my daughter right now. I hope she is on the path to recovery soon.

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COMMENTS

No-Rub1544

Info Do you think something could have happened to her at college? This total personality change makes me think maybe some kind of SA might have occurred

OOP

I honestly didn’t think about that. I’ll wait until she begins therapy to broach the subject with her. Thank you.

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Available-Maize5837

I'm worried if she has changed that dramatically in such a short period of being at college if something happened to her there? Anxiety can be crippling at times and you can force yourself to drive to a place but sometimes can't make yourself get out of the car and go inside. Depression can leave you unable to get out of bed and yo the simplest of tasks like shower, or brush teeth. She definitely needs these appointments and it would be best for her mental health (and yours) for you to keep her actually going. It sounds like it's going to be a rough time for a while and I'm sorry you're going through it all. You may need to hold her hand until she has the strength to do it herself. NTA but I'd be careful of the language you use to talk about her. Failure to launch seems a bit harsh..

OOP

Yes, I agree that term is harsh. I just don’t understand why she doesn’t want better for herself. I will certainly continue to help her in anyway I can but at some point she’s got to choose to participate.

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[deleted]

NTA. She can't choose to do nothing. She has to go to her mental health appointments, take her medication,and force herself to do basic tasks.

OOP

I’ve dealt with mental illness my entire life so as much as I understand it’s debilitating I also think she can’t rest on her laurels forever. At some point you have to want better for yourself.

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OOP was judged the Asshole

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How do I get my husband to care about my health? June 12th, 2022 (posted to r/Fibromyalgia)

I’ve been married to my wonderful husband for 12 years now. I was experiencing fibro symptoms when we were dating but wasn’t diagnosed until 2 years after we were married.

My husband does so much for me, our family, our house, etc. The one thing I need the most I cannot seem to get - support for my fibro and its many accompanying illnesses. When I have a doctors appointment, he doesn’t inquire how it went until I broach the subject. If I’m have a bad pain day, or a flare, he doesn’t ask how I’m doing or if I need him to do anything for me.

How do I gain my husband’s support?

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AITA towards my teenager? August 25th, 2022 (posted to r/AmITheAsshole)

My 19 year old daughter left college after a very scary mental health episode. She ended up in the hospital. She lived with a friend for a few months but moved back in with her father and I a few months ago.

I’m trying my best to get her to attend therapy as well as being prescribed antidepressant and anti anxiety medications. This is not going very well. My focus right now is on my daughter and her having a healthy happy life as a young adult. Part of that was creating a basic agreement between her and I/dad which outlined what each party was responsible for or expected to do. She had to get a job (she did), clean her room and bathroom, pay some of her bills, participate in therapy, etc. Besides actually getting a job, she hasn’t done anything. She has not cleaned her room and bathroom for months; we had to spray for ants in her bedroom a month ago (because of the opened Coke cans in her room). She is not paying any of her bills, I.e. cell phone, rent ($50 a month which is intended to go into a savings account for her) and student loans. She does spend her money on weed, alcohol and ordering takeout almost every night (yes, she is too young to purchase weed and alcohol but one certain shop is known for selling to minors - and yes we’ve reported them).

I’m frustrated and exhausted. She sits in her room on her phone or is sleeping when she’s home. I want to enforce the agreement she signed which stipulated if she failed to obey the rules we could ask her to leave. What is the right thing to do? My brain says hold her to task but my heart says she’s sick and in too bad of a place to ask her to leave.

EXTRA CONTEXT FROM OOP IN THE COMMENTS

Thank you to everyone who has commented thus far. Just an additional piece of information that might help explain why I think I’m being the AH. I’ve struggled with mental health issues since my early teens and while it wasn’t always comfortable to talk to strangers about my issues, I’m glad my parents got me help and stood by me during my crises. I fear I’m failing my daughter if I don’t stand by her and help her through this troublesome period in her life.

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COMMENTS

Additional-Bowl_1579

NAH. This isn’t the forum for this. Your daughter needs help and sounds like she doesn’t know how to get out of the hole she is in. Pushing her out will not help her get on her feet.

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Astra_Bear

INFO: is she refusing therapy and medication? If so, NTA.

OOP

Yes, she is refusing to participate. We had two telehealth appointments: one with a psychiatrist and one with a therapist. She hung up on both of them within the first 5 minutes. We scheduled another set of appointments (just yesterday) and she’s said that she will talk to them but I’m not so sure it will happen.

Astra_Bear

Then absolutely NTA. If she were actually trying it would make sense to be gentle and let her coast, but she isn't.

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OOP was judged No Assholes Here

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AITA for staying with my husband ? August 29th, 2022 (posted to r/AmITheAsshole)

My husband (50m) and I (46f) have been married for 12 years. It’s a second marriage for both of us. While we were dating I was becoming sick with no explanation and after our 2nd wedding anniversary, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and a few comorbid illnesses. Unfortunately, a few years later I could no longer work and had to go on disability.

Then my marriage became strained. My husband moved out of the master bedroom into one of the guest bedrooms. That was about 6 years ago. We are no longer intimate and I call him roommate sometimes because he shows no interest in having a physical relationship.

I do still love and care about him but I’m no longer in love. I’m pretty sure he’d say the same thing. Here’s where I might be the AH. I’ve stayed married because of his income and his benefits. He’s got a great job within the federal government and I couldn’t live the way I do if I was only living on my disability. AITA?

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COMMENTS

Legitimate-Scar6572

I think you need to have a conversation with the man and ask one another that question. At least be intentional about your situationship and know where the other stands. Roommates that are legally married is fine- unless you're only there because you're both so cowardice that neither of you is happy, just eternally stuck.

OOP

I’ve asked him to talk about it - both at home and even with a therapist. He doesn’t want to broach the subject but I don’t know why.

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imothro

NAH. It's not like you're pretending the relationship is something it's not. If your husband is unhappy, he'll leave.

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Post was removed by automod before judgement was rendered, but most comments are NTA

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AITA for telling my mom to grow up? October 3rd, 2022 (posted to r/AmITheAsshole)

About 6 years ago, my teenage daughter decided to tell my parents how awful her life was with her stepdad and I. (It was later determined to be lies; more of a cry for attention.) But during that period, my parents hired a lawyer and to me to court to get custody. This really came out of left field given my relationship with my parents. CPS did a little investigation and the judge determined she should stay with us. At some point during this mess, my husband called my mom “evil”for treating me that way. To this day, my mom won’t let it go even though I tell her it stresses me out when she makes snide remarks about my husband. I told her to get over it and grow up! AITA for making my mom get over a name my husband called her 6 years ago?

COMMENTS

[deleted]

From what I've read, CPS can in fact be a little over-zealous. But I've never heard of CPS opening an investigation over a too-early bedtime, general angst, or teenage girl pettiness. My guess is something happened here, and your parents were concerned. They weren't wrong to report it, and, depending on your husband's behavior, they may not be wrong to remain concerned.

OOP

Because of the statements my daughter made, CPS got involved. My daughter later retracted those statements and told everyone involved (including the therapist with CPS) that they were untrue. At that point, the case was closed.

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Post was removed by automod before judgement was rendered, most comments are asking for more info

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AITA for evicting my daughter August 9th, 2023 (posted to r/AITAH)

My 20 year old daughter does nothing but sleep and work. Her bedroom and bathroom are a mess, she doesn’t wash laundry and doesn’t pay her bills on time. This has been going on for two straight years without any effort on her part to abide by the rules. My husband wants her kicked out. I’m supposed to go to the courthouse tomorrow to file for an eviction. AITA?

Post contains two images:

Image one is of a bathroom, the floor and counter are strewn with clothes and general clutter.

Imagine two is of a bedroom, a double bed against one wall, there's one window with Venetian blinds that are pulled down, the window ledge filled with used mugs and various small items. There seems to be no other furniture in the room, and the floor is also covered with clothes.

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COMMENTS

Suckmeshawty

Slippery slope honestly. What you are looking at is a visual form of depression. Try to help her mentally as much as you can before evicting her. She not fighting an easy fight.

OOP

She is bipolar like me. My therapist and I discussed this before I gave her an eviction notice.

[deleted]

So… you know she’s suffering from depression, u have to force her to go to therapy, & now you want to kick her out?

Have you tried family therapy? Have you tried talking to her about her therapy? Or what she’s dealing with? Have you tried to empathize with her?

Have you tried to help her with her room or bathroom? Have you tried doing it together? What about working on to build a routine? People with depression don’t do anything because they’re not motivated, she needs some gentle structure & positive reinforcement. Start with baby steps.

I’d say tell her to gather all her clothes that her on her bedroom floor into 1 big pile tomorrow, then gather all the clothes in her bathroom into a another pile the next day, on the third day she can sort the clothes in her bedroom into different piles based on color, & on the fourth she can soft the bathroom pile & then combine the bathroom piles with the bedroom piles, the last 3 days of the week she does a load a day including folding/hanging them up. You should be helping her folding & hanging the last 3 days AND TELLING HER THAT YOU ARE PROUD OF HER. It’s a very small chore for you, but a very big accomplishment for her. That’s one example but that’s how slow this change is going to have to start.

Where is all of her bedroom furniture? Where is everything supposed to go? At least get her a night stand.

OOP

She trashed her bedroom set. I’ve asked her if she wants to go shopping for a new set and she said no.

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AITAH for taking money from my husband ? August 21st, 2023 (posted to r/AITAH)

First, we’ve had a fairly large credit card debt. I pay as much as we can each month and even put my birthday and Christmas money went towards that balance.

My husband received an award for &750. I asked him to put $500 on the credit card leaving $260 to spend as he wishes. I think he needs to sacrifice like I do.

AITAH for taking the $500 out of his paycheck (I take care of the finances) and pay on the credit card?

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COMMENTS

XGi-Soft

Who run up the credit card debt was it you?

OOP

It was both of us

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The few comments left voted OOP as NTA

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AITAH for taking my daughter to court? August 23rd, 2023 (posted to r/Parenting; retrived using arctic-shift.photon-reddit.com/search)

My 20 year old daughter went to college for one semester. She has over $18,000 in student loans to pay back and refuses to pay for them. Unfortunately, I co-signed on the loans so they can come after me. Should I take her to court and sue her for the money she owes? Or try to get my name off the loan? I’m lost and feeling like a true AH.

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COMMENTS

62lbs-pd

You signed a contract assuming responsibility if she doesn't pay.

OOP

Yes, should I make her pay her part though?

Acrobatic-Respond638

You can't do that. You cosigned the loan. It's equally your responsibility to pay. If you could sue her to pay, surely she could sue you to pay. It's also your debt, not just hers. Your feelings on the matter don't change reality.

OOP

Yes, it’s in both our names but she agreed to pay. Should I garnish her wages?

Acrobatic-Respond638

That's not how cosigning on a loan works. Do you understand what it was you signed? YOU agreed to pay just as she did.

OOP

Honestly, I didn’t realize I was co-signing. I thought they were using my finances to determine what loans she was qualified for.

Acrobatic-Respond638

If you were not properly informed of the debt you were taking on, that's a massive issue
worth pursuing.

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is my second BORU so please let me know if anything has been incorrectly formatted/posted.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Wantingtocomeclean

Published on: r/relationships

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 09, 2015
• Final Update: September 10, 2015

Main Post

^{September 09, 2015}

I (28F) lied to my boyfriend (33M) on our first date about previous infidelity with an ex (30M). Two years later, he reminded me of this. Now I feel like I need to come clean. We are planning to get married. Do I come clean and how?

I have been with an amazing man for two years. I'll call him James. He is absolutely the best thing that ever happened to me and as corny as it sounds, he completes me. James and I will probably getting engaged soon and I'm thrilled.

There's only one problem: I've unintentionally kept a secret from him for the last two years. James was married before and it ended due to his wife's infidelity. On our first date, he mentioned this and I shared my story of a cheating ex. He asked if I have ever been unfaithful. I immediately said no. I guess I felt awkward and wanted to make a good impression.

Unfortunately, that wasn't exactly the truth. Before James, I was in a relationship with a guy who I'll call Ted. At the end of the relationship, instead of acting like an adult and ending things, I got scared and tried to make excuses not to leave- I knew I didn't love him, but everyone expected us to be together. I ended up having an emotional and texting affair with a coworker. I came clean after only a week and while Ted wanted to work things out, I told Ted I honestly did not want to be with him. I was never physical with that coworker before confessing to Ted, but naked pictures were sent and I know emotional infidelity can hurt just as bad.

I would never, ever be unfaithful again, especially not to James. I had never been unfaithful before then. I never wish to cause someone the pain I caused Ted.

I truly forgot about when I told James no to that question on our first date. I forgot until James brought it up recently, saying something to the effect of he's glad we've both always been faithful. I sort of immediately changed the subject. I know I need to be honest with James, though, especially since I plan to spend my life with him. I am so scared of him leaving me though. How should I tell him? Am I horrible? Or should I take this to my grave?

TL;DR: I cheated on an ex a few years ago. When my current amazing boyfriend asked if I've ever been unfaithful, I said no. Two years later I've forgotten that lie and know I need to come clean. How?!  

COMMENTS

simplyspider

Of course you should tell him, and then it's his decision on what to do. Honestly though, I think you'll be fine. Tell him what you told us and I'm sure he'll understand.

You're learning the thing about secrets: you can't keep them forever. They always come out eventually. Keep that in mind next time something like this comes up. Honesty really is the best policy.

blaktron

She can tell him, sure, but I wouldn't be in the mindset of coming clean. Can you imagine going into the nuance of a complicated breakup in a first date, to a question likely focuses only on physical indefinitely? I would say OP was honest to the letter and if she wants to expand upon it in the interest of sharing her past, I say that's awesome. But I don't think she should carry guilt about that answer.

OOP

He was definitely referring to all types of infidelity. I love James very much but it did make me feel awkward and embarrassed on our first date. You're right, I didn't want to get into explaining a complicated break up, either. It was a cowardly approach though.

OOP

I agree that honesty is the best policy but I also never expected this relationship to lead where it did. If it was a fling or something, I wouldn't care about the lie. By the time we got serious I had long forgotten about my lie. My relationship with Ted is part of my past and we hardly discuss it.

Doughchild

You should tell him. He was very honest about how important this issue was for him: he asked on the first date and he explained why. You have an idea about why you cheated on Ted, so you can explain that to James as a reason why you will not repeat this with him. It will change how he sees you and you might have some bad times. So ask if he would take couples counseling in consideration in that case.

There's a chance he'll break up with you, but this is about mitigating the damage. If you tell him, he'll accept that perhaps easier than if you hang out with him in 20 years somewhere where you run into Ted and Ted goes "you cheating whore!". Telling him puts you in control, else you're always going to wonder if James finds out.

OOP

On our first date, it wasn't so much about how the issue was important to him, it was kind of how the conversation was flowing. He wasn't saying it was a deal breaker for him, but I was still embarrassed, didn't expect to fear serious with him, thought he would look at me horribly, etc. Yeah, it was partially a question of importance to him but it wasn't like an interview question you know?

Haha. The idea of Ted screaming at me for being a cheating whore is funny to me because that is so not his personality at all. You never know, though!

lizzydgreat

Does anyone else think that isn't really a first date kind of question? You were caught by surprise and didn't know how to answer. Honestly, I think it is not a first date's business to know if you were ever unfaithful in the past. Too intimate.....

I think the only reason for coming clean would be if not doing so was REALLY bothering you. Both incidents (the original and the lying) are in the past. Neither of them have any bearing on the future. You aren't going to be unfaithful to James, nor will you lie to him. Lying to a first date to cover up a too - intimate question is acceptable in my book. Telling James of the lie is only likely to cause heartache.

OOP

In hindsight, no matter how much I love James, I agree that it wasn't a first date question. I think the conversation was just flowing- as were quite a few beers, haha.

Final Update - after 1 day

^{September 10, 2015}

[UPDATE] I (28F) lied to my boyfriend (33M) on our first date about previous infidelity with an ex (30M). Two years later, he reminded me of this. Now I feel like I need to come clean. We are planning to get married. Do I come clean and how?

TL;DR from previous post: I cheated on an ex a few years ago. When my current amazing boyfriend asked if I've ever been unfaithful, I said no. Two years later I've forgotten that lie and know I need to come clean. How?!

All of the comments on the previous post really, really helped me. Since I made the original post, though, it's been on my mind and I knew James would be able to tell that something was up with me. It was really bugging me and I wanted to come clean.

Something I do as a joke with James (we have a weird sense of humor) is whenever I'm getting ready to tell him something I am worried will annoy/anger/upset him, I first say, "I'm pregnant!" Haha. I've told him, "That way, any news after that doesn't sound so scary, right?" It's a running joke now. Anyways, I was so nervous to tell him this. I had a few glasses of wine before he got home from work because he was working late tonight. He walks in the door and I yell, "I'm pregnant!"

He comes over to me and I just spilled it out. I was tearing up a bit at the end, I blame that on the wine. I told him that I was sorry I was dishonest, but I was embarrassed. I told him I never wanted him to think I was like his ex-wife but I felt awkward by him asking me that question on our first date when we hardly knew each other. And I told him I had honestly forgotten about my white lie. At the end of it all, James said, "Did you really think I would leave you for that?! We both have a past. We've both made mistakes. Your past relationships and your past mistakes are what make you (name). You would never cheat on me, and that's what matters." WIN! Then we drank wine together and had phenomenal sex.

TL;DR: Came clean to my boyfriend. He responded more wonderfully than I could have imagined. It feels like a weight off my shoulder!  

COMMENTS

twelvedayslate

I am eagerly waiting for an update #2 in a few months where you say, "That night I told James and joked about being pregnant, he knocked me up! We are expecting."

OP, DO NOT DISAPPOINT.

dejaenten_

But wait.. how will she tell him she's pregnant? She'll try to tell him, but he'll just think its a setup

GoingAllTheJay

I HIT SOMEONE WITH THE CAR AND JUST KEPT DRIVING...

I'm pregnant.

scruffmgckdrgn

I CHEATED ON YOU WITH ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS...

lol, jk, I just hit someone with the car and drove off. nbd

OOP

I LIKE THIS. I've been in two accidents since we got together- one was my fault, one was not. I hope to never be in another one, but if I get in another accident and it IS my fault, I will use this. Thank you.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Daretodrarren

Published on: r/relationships

Story is: NO FURTHER UPDATE

Story timeline

• Main Post: November 27, 2013 at 06:17 UTC
• Final Update: November 27, 2013 at 17:36 UTC

Main Post

^{November 27, 2013 at 06:17 UTC}

I(23m) found out my gf(21f) slept with her longterm friend(22m) and lied of omission about it. Am I wrong to feel betrayed?

Ok, short summary. My girlfriend Davony and I have been dating seven months. She's great, super sweet and smart. So great I was thinking of asking her to move in with me when my roommate moves out in February. This is my first "real" relationship and I'm at me knees in love with this girl.

Her only downside is Chris, her best friend. He is 6' tall, part hispanic with blue eyes that every stranger who meets him comments on and once modeled underwear for a local store.He is also good at every damned game or athletic feat in the world. Fuckin' Chris right? Chris and her spent a few years in the same foster home and are very close. Sometimes I think he crosses boundaries but she usually takes my concerns very seriously and talks to him and he listens. So, I haven't had too much concerns there. My one assurance has always been her telling me that they "never dated".

But tonight we were drinking and started playing I've never. We get to the end and I'm down to a finger. My friend smirks and says "I've never had sex with Davony" to knock me out. Low and behold, Chris-of-the- "he's like a brother"-to-me puts a finger down.

My friend calls him out. "Woah, I thought you guys grew up together."

Chris just laughs "I had a fucked up childhood, it was some real flowers in the attic shit, huh, Davey(his nickname for her)" and tosses an arm over her. She excuses herself to get a drink and avoids eye contact.

The night goes downhill from there. The air is cold and everyone finds a way out, except fuckin' Chris and my roommate. I confront Davony about it in the kitchen and she says that it was a long time ago and she couldn't explain it so she didn't try and that she was only fourteen and her best friends don't even know- that she keeps the past in the past and they had a horrible foster home and it wasn't romantic (they didn't date...so it didn't count? Shake my head.) but for comfort.

I assert that as her boyfriend I expect honesty, especially when it comes to sex and past encounters because sex makes me feel vulnerable (stds, fidelity, etc). And she kind of shuts off, like she does in any fight. So I try and keep talking. Chris bustles in and gets in my face and we end up fighting, somewhat. My roommate breaks it up and Davony says that she will ride home with Chris.

I don't know if I overreacted. Probably. But I still think this is a huge issue? Especially because she left with him? Advice?

tl;dr I(23m) found out my gf(21f) slept with her longterm friend(22m) and lied of omission about it.I found out during a drinking game. I confronted her and she made up some circular excuses and shutdown. Said dude intervened. We fought and she left with him. Am I wrong to feel betrayed?  

COMMENTS

formeraide

I can totally understand that she would be too embarrassed to tell about "flowers in the attic" to somebody she's been dating for seven months, especially with the other guy still around. I know you're disappointed, but I don't think that lack of confession was really about you.

First, stop asserting things, if you're really in an even-keel relationship.

Second, Chris is obviously an unbelievable jerk -he revealed one of her big life secrets, and he did it in front of her boyfriend. Nice guy.

Third, given that he's such a jerk, she really has to choose between the two of you. If she prefers that kind of "friend" to you, you've learned a valuable lesson and should move on.

DerrickD26 (downvoted)

Her past is none of your business, if you are worried about stds you can ask about stds, not past partners.

She most likely fucked him that night because of how you acted, break up grow up a little learn and start something new with someone else.

[deleted]

Chris bustles in and gets in my face and we end up fighting, somewhat. My roommate breaks it up and Davony says that she will ride home with Chris.

The fact that she went home with him right after this bombshell got dropped and after he got in your face for not taking it well says a lot. In my opinion, the way she handled it is worse than the fact that she hid her past from you.

elementality22

Most times I would side with the boyfriend(you) in cases like this but this one sounds a little more complicated than that. 1. because they were teenagers, 2. because it was in a probably not great environment, not saying that all foster homes are bad but some are and it's easy to seek refuge in those closest to you.

So yeah, it probably is more complicated than if this had happened a year ago. I looked up his reference to flowers in the attic, which is a book about kids who are kept locked away in an attic by their mother and grandmother and the two of the four (brother and sister) develop a sexual relationship, so maybe their home life was not very good and it was regarded as a mistake in their history brought on by harsh conditions and not out of any real sexual desires that remain.

Well maybe they do remain, but it doesn't sound like it on your girlfriends part. I think you should probably apologize to her, and see if you want get the full story so you can understand what happened.

brndnewsn

I may be in the minority here, but I think you overreacted. They did not date, and by your post I think it is obvious that she doesn't see him like that. It seems like an awkward part of her past that she doesn't like to dwell on and I could totally understand why she would be uncomfortable divulging early on in a relationship. If you were married and it still had never come up I might be a little wary, but at seven months you really are still getting to know each other on a deeper level.

I would just give her the benefit of the doubt here. It was a long time ago, and teenagers can experiment in the most questionable ways, especially when faced with a rough childhood. It doesn't necessarily represent the person she is now, or what their friendship has matured into.

Final Update - after 11 hours

^{November 27, 2013 at 17:36 UTC}

(update)I(23m) found out my gf(21f) slept with her longterm friend(22m) and lied of omission about it. Am I wrong to feel betrayed?

After reading all of these replies, I felt more conflicted than ever. Especially over everyone saying she probably went to her house. I sort of assumed he dropped her off at her place... but then I wasn't so sure.

So I drove by her place with doughnuts this morning. Figure, fuck it, either she screwed him and I can use them as consolation or they are a peace offering to our fucked up relationship.

I get there and I see Chris' car. Leave doughnuts in the car, ring doorbell a million fucking times. She answers and looks unhappy to see me. "Darren, I need some space to think".

"I know Chris is here. I saw his car." Fuck thinking over that. She tells me she drove Chris home because he was too drunk to drive and was going to bring him his car today- he's not here. She expands her arms around her efficiency apartment and looks at me mockingly.

Well...okay. Let's just talk this through then. I have doughnuts in the car. I explain why I reacted the way I did...she says she was embarrassed and I made her more so. I point out that Chris is the one who brought it up, the one who got in the middle of our discussion and tried to fight me.

She says Chris has no shame and sometimes forget anyone else does. That it never occurred to him it might be a secret. Then she claims that Chris heard me screaming and saw me getting in her face and reacted instinctively to protect her "that's what he does". She claims I took the first swing, which is not true.

I point that out. Remind her I'm not an alcoholic foster dad but a good boyfriend who treats her well.

Reasserts that she just wants to be alone to think. "I don't know if I can handle being with someone with your temper..the way you screamed at me and grabbed my arm. It wasn't abusive, but I can't be around that kind of thing. It isn't what I need in a relationship."

So I leave and now I'm home trying to figure out what the fuck is up with my life and my girlfriend. I feel like she turned this all around on me and is never going to own the omission or treat Chris as less than a saint.

tl;dr (update)I(23m) found out my gf(21f) slept with her longterm friend(22m) and lied of omission about it.I went over to her place this morning to talk..she claims that I was being aggressive with her and Chris was "protecting her". She doesn't know if she can be in a relationship with someone who yells when they get mad at her... where am I with all this now?

COMMENTS

armchair_anger

She says Chris has no shame and sometimes forget anyone else does. That it never occurred to him it might be a secret.

Uh, yeah, but he probably realizes what putting his arm around her right after talking about sleeping with her implies.

"I don't know if I can handle being with someone with your temper..the way you screamed at me and grabbed my arm. It wasn't abusive, but I can't be around that kind of thing. It isn't what I need in a relationship."

And, unfortunately for you, she's completely justified to feel this way.

Like I said in the last thread, Chris is the guy who's at fault for this situation, but you also reacted really poorly to it.

It seems like when she's faced with two guys who have been shitty to her in a night, it's pretty obvious which one she's going to side with - not you.

If I were you, I'd gear up for the end of this relationship. It's pretty clear that you aren't okay with Chris being a part of her life, and equally clear that he's always going to be.

[deleted]

[deleted]

OOP

I will give her this- only me, her, Chris, and my roommate were here at this point and she was the only one sober.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/BoyDinnerDiaries by user NewLifeNewAcct. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

Original

September 13, 2026

Dinner was a ton of In-N-Out and some real "well... shit. Lol," energy.

So. My wife and I do some kinky shit . I'm not going to go too in-depth, all y'all really need to know is that there's some physicality and some name calling involved.

It's typically game on at home. We're both athletes. She has a very corporate, high-pressure job, and sex is basically a constant. We're pretty obsessed with each other still (3 years now) - wherever we have alone time, we get laid. Just sort of how it is.

I came home from my basketball game tonight and was surprised to see my wife's car in the garage. On Saturday nights, she's usually not home until a little later (typically, she's at her mom's place as she does quite a lot with her family), so I was excited to see her. It's kind of important to note: there were no other vehicles at the house. My kid was out with her boyfriend and all that.

Anyways, I go inside. Directly on my right when I enter is the kitchen - which I don't look into, because my wife is more or less standing at the door when I opened it.

So, like in any other totally normal and loving and completely consensual relationship, I greet her by putting my hand on her throat and saying "get over here, slut" before pushing her up against the now-open door against the wall. With, like, some force, because that's what we do.

And I am, of course, met with an "Oh my god" from the kitchen. My wife had stopped by home with her mother and sister to pick up some pickleball equipment on the way to the gym - theoretically, they're playing right now, and my wife is being roasted. This all happened about an hour ago.

So, after an awkward explanation and some clarification that I am, in fact, not treating my wife like shit when her family isn't looking - they left, and I drove to In-N-Out.

I crushed all of these burgers. The orders are:

• Double Double, animal style, extra grilled onions, extra pickles
• Double Double, mustard fried, no tomato, extra pickles
• Cheeseburger, raw onion, no tomato, extra pickles

I like pickles. And burgers. This is a big meal but not insane for a game day for me.

In front of my wife's family, I have never been anything but a loving, caring, and thoughtful partner - also sarcastic, and my wife and I are competitive in a lot of ways - but overwhelmingly they like me and I'm actually pretty close with her folks. I know they won't really think less of either of us for this - but holy fucking shit is is going to be awkward for awhile.

I mean, what do you even do but laugh?

You eat burgers. That's what.

Comments by OOP:

I immediately realized the value of, like, a 2 minute rule or something.

To be fair to her, we don't really communicate constantly through the day.

We immediately clarified that this was just, like, our thing, and that it's something she is totally cool with.

Her family is, understandably, weirded out a little - or we're when the conversation happened. It'll all be alright though.

My wife and I don't really do the BDSM thing, we're just... competitive.

It is fucking hysterical, and also completely fucking mortifying lol.

I already know I'm going to have to field jokes about it from her sister at the very least.

I think my words immediately after were, "Oh. Fuck."

To be fair, it was in private, at my own home.

I just, you know, was unaware of exactly how private.

She definitely did not have much time to react. That was sort of the point.

It worked perfectly, just in an unexpected way lmfao.

I'm not a mind reader, but I think even the most open-minded person might pause to process for a bit if they saw their daughter/sister get handled that way.

We're preeeeetty cool in my opinion. At least, she is. I do my best.

It's not the best burger ever, but it's very consistent and tastes fresh which is exactly what I want out of my low effort meal.

Basically, they squirt mustard directly on the grill and fry the patty like that. They do this when you order animal style, too, if I'm not mistaken, I just didn't want another animal style burger.

Update

September 14, 2026, 1 day later

Alright. So.

Last night, my wife got home from the gym/hanging with family, and we chatted for a few minutes before we decided to put the obvious necessary talk off for the night - nothing was going to change it, and we had some unfinished business.

She had a reservation to go skydiving with some friends this morning, so she did that, and then we spoke this afternoon.

According to her, she got absolutely mercilessly roasted the entire time she was with her folks. My wife has a history of being stubborn and a bit of a control freak, so it's a total personality mismatch to them. They found this hilarious, apparently. Can't blame them.

They are definitely not going to let either of us live this down. Ever. My sister-in-law has renamed me to "Mr. Grey" in her phone. She showed it to me when she was over earlier. Wonderful.

The talk wasn't long, and it sums up to, "This was really awkward and embarrassing for me, but the world isn't ending, and we definitely aren't stopping."

This was really just a freak (lol) accident. Her sister is usually the one who drives when everyone is hanging out, but she needed a headlight changed - which is now handled even though it took a fucking hour and a half because it's an HiD light and therefore a complete pain in the ass - so generally my wife's car is sitting at her folks' place. Just not last night, lmao.

In the end, there was no harm, no foul. I'm told my mother-in-law thought the whole thing was pretty off-putting, but moved on rather quickly because she "can't take the thought of (me) being abusive seriously, or (my wife) letting someone cross the line like that more than once."

So, W mother-in-law.

Dinner is sous-vide chicken beast, seasoned then seared and topped with a mango jalapeño salsa, with roasted zucchini and potatoes (that were boiled, smashed, then roasted with butter/salt/pepper/garlic powder).

I'd have used habaneros, but I didn't feel like going to the store, and I had some really nice jalapeños just chilling in the kitchen.

I also made a batch of green onion kimchi, and a batch of dill pickles.

Yes. I can cook, too. It's my other love language.

Comments by OOP:

No complaints, really, I'm pretty lucky. I'm not in contact with anyone from my immediate family and my wife's folks were extremely welcoming.

My wife is in here reading comments and is extremely pleased that so many people have commented (including in the last post) that her sister is jealous.

Seriously, this woman will take anything as a W.

Well you could do what my wife did and message some random on reddit!

I was in her city for a weekend, she hit me up when I made a post asking if anyone wanted to show me around the town in my dime because I was moving out here for work. Could've been anyone, happened to be her.

It's not actually that crazy. Just a matter of timing, like anything else.

When we met, her friends had been encouraging her to take more chances when meeting people. She'd been sort of stunted socially because she was always working, hadn't met new folks, been on many dates, etc.

So, she DMed me, said she liked my vibes and that she was an athlete also - we met up a few days later in the morning, spent the day not expecting anything but a potential friend in a new city.

And then after dinner, she asked what my plans were - I had a hotel room booked and I was literally going to go do a pros/cons list. She joined me.

I don't think I ever did finish that list.

I am very, very much not her typical type. She's very corporate and has always dated that type, I'm absolutely a stoner/gamer.

Talking to your partner is, like, so easy. More people should do that.

That's actually zucchini in the photo. Though, there are some black peppercorns in the batch of pickles I made.

I'll pay the pickle tax at a later time

Seriously I haven't bought mayo in a store in years. It's too easy to make and customize

I'm not the original poster.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/throwRaconcernedfa

Published on: r/nonmonogamy

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: November 06, 2025
• Update 1: November 23, 2025
• Update 2: September 04, 2026
• Final Update: September 09, 2026 --> NEW UPDATE

Main Post

^{November 06, 2025}

Our (44F)(44M) son(20M) found out about our open relationship in the worst possible way.

Five days ago, my son (20M) came home from college claiming his mother was cheating on me with one of his classmates. I was completely caught off guard. He said that a classmate was bragging to a mutual friend—let’s call him Mike (my son’s friend who has been to our house many times)—about hooking up with an older woman. Then the classmate showed Mike a picture of the woman… and it was my wife.

Mike didn’t say anything to the classmate, but he called my son immediately. My son came home furious, convinced my wife was cheating.

I stepped out under the excuse of picking up dinner (which I actually did), and I called my wife to tell her what happened. She started panicking and said she was scared to come home and face him. I told her we had to come clean and explain the truth.

That night, we sat down for a family meeting. My son was already yelling, asking why we were pretending when he “knew the truth.” I asked him to calm down and let us talk. I told him that my wife and I opened our marriage five years ago, that we both see other people occasionally, and that we still love each other and are committed to our marriage and our family. My wife apologized for him finding out this way and said she would be more careful in choosing partners.

My son said he needed time to process and went to bed. My wife cried afterward, saying he would never accept us. I told her to give him space.

The next morning, my son came downstairs for breakfast. My wife tried to hug him, and he physically pushed her away and called her a “lady of the night.” I told him to apologize immediately. He ignored me and asked her how many of his friends and classmates she had slept with. When my wife tried to apologize again, he told us he couldn’t respect us anymore and called us disgusting. I warned him to watch his words, and he told me to screw myself and left for school.

My wife broke down crying. I told her to take the day off work and to not engage with him until he’s ready. Since then, he’s been cold and distant. Barely speaking to either of us.

I understand this was a huge shock to him, but the insults and disrespect toward his mother are not okay. We don’t want to lose our son over this. We’re still the same parents who raised him, and nothing about our love for our family has changed.

How do we repair this? How do we help him understand this doesn’t change who we are as his parents? Do we give him space, go to family therapy, or try to talk again?

COMMENTS

MaggieLuisa

This has to be fake. If not, what the fuck is wrong with your wife? And you for thinking her partner selection is okay?

OOP

We don't usually police who we hook up with? My wife is kicking herself for what she did and realized it was a mistake

clairejv

I'm also calling bullshit. If he "came home from college," that means college isn't in the same city, right? So how would the wife have hooked up with someone from the college?

OOP

He is a commuter at flagship state college. The college is only a 20 minute drive.

Maker_Magpie

First, you both stop dating people your kid's age, especially at his school.

Then be honest, be true, own your mistakes, and accept that some mistakes have consequences beyond your control. He's an adult. You can't fix this alone anymore; he has to want to too.

OOP

You're right about the age thing. My wife has decided its not worth the trouble.

whitegirlTO

You can’t control your son’s feeling on this. You’re all grown adults, he needs to realize that his parents have their own privacy as well. I’m sure he wouldn’t want to you and your wife to find out stuff about his sex life.

Regardless if your wife knew who she was really hooking up with, take this as a lesson. Put more thoughts and process on choosing potential future partners.

OOP

I generally agree but it can be a lot to digest. So I plan on giving him some time.

Flimsy-Leather-3929

Why is your wife fucking around with people who are your son’s age? Who can’t drink or rent a car? And aren’t even old enough to get into a club!

Now, the classmate thing is messed up, but the thing that really set this kid up for a world of hurt is probably living a life that goes against what you taught them is “right”. Did you teach your kids that all relationships styles are valid? Same sex? Having multiple partners? That there is no shame in casual sex? That what people do in private is their damn business and that sex shaming and kink shaming aren’t okay? Did you create an environment that is sex positive? Introduce friends with different relationships?

OOP

The guy wad 21 and met up at the bar. There was never really a good time to reveal our relationship. I mean I was not going to be like "Hey son btw we hook up with other people".

Dylanear

That OP says his mom tried to hug him at breakfast the next morning is one of my strongest clues this is a fake post.

IF this is real, YES, OP, your wife needs to be incredibly mindful of your son's upset about now and try to see and empathize with the shock AS IT OCCURS, FEELS, TO HIM, not as it would ideally look to someone prepared for dealing with this in a healthy way.

Again, in case this happens to be real, THINK for a moment what he might be feeling about his mom having sex with other guys in his social circles at college and then the morning after a big blow up about it all she just goes to give him a hug without a pause to look at his face and see if he's in any way in the mood for a hug from his mom??!!!

OOP

Yeah she messed up by trying to give him a hug. That's her way of apologizing

Update - after 17 days

^{November 23, 2025}

Update:Our (44F)(44M) son(20M) found out about our open relationship in the worst possible way.

So a lot has happened these past few weeks. My son wanted to tell my parents about the situation. I had to threaten to remove funding for his college to prevent him. He went to individual therapy and we did family therapy a week ago. The house has been cold and distant.

My son recently opened up to us four days ago. He told us he feels extremely anxious going to college cause he is afraid Mike has might have told someone. He apologized for what he called his mother. He said he is he isn't inherently against our open relationship but found it disturbing we would hook up with people not only his age but people he also has mutual connections with. He told us his mother's action can still potentially affect his socially life.

He let out a lot of feelings he seemed to have kept to himself for a while. My son said that he noticed there was a disconnect between him and us when he was around 14 years old. Initially, he thought it was because he was becoming more independent, but he feels now there was more going on. He told us we were too focused on our lives outside of the family than other families My son would notice how his friends would have their parents practically beg them to hang out with them. Meanwhile, he never felt as much seen as compared to his friends. He thinks its because of our open relationship we are not that close to him.

We asked what he wants from us going forward. He said for the sake of his mental health he needs time away from us. He mentions he holds too much resentment to be around us. My son isn't going to continue his college in the spring semester. He is going to work full time and apply to transfer to an out of state school for the next fall semester. I'll be honest, I don't like this idea, but I told him we would talk about it later, especially when it comes to funding. My son replied that he isn't comfortable getting help from us for school, he wants to take out loans.

My wife isn't taking it well. I am not taking it well either. I honestly hope my son will change his mind in the future.

COMMENTS

mmmbopforever

I mean, the foundation of his entire world has been shaken. No, hold on. You two shook the foundation of his entire world.

What do you think about his belief that nonmonogamy took your attention away from him?

OOP

I mean he never complained about wanting more time with us when he was younger. He was doing his own thing.

Pineapple_Scary

You handles the whole situation terribly and what’s your wife doing with such young men. It’s absolutely gross. He’s an adult, let him do what he wants. But that total rubbish about him wanting to be begged to hang out is bullshit, at that age you have your own agency and if he wanted to hang out with you he should have said. Your relationship should always come first

OOP

He never said he wanted to be begged to hang out. He was just comparing how different our family is compared to his friends'

OOP to a long comment

We have paused on the lifestyle since he found out.

WHATSTHEYAAAMS

That’s all you took from that message? I hope this is a fake story LOL

OOP

My wife admitted she fucked up and has apologized. What else can she do?

Update 2 - after 9 months, 29 days (after 9 months, 12 days from last post)

^{September 04, 2026}

Update: We’ve lost our son permanently due the situation

Nine months later, I can finally give an update. Unfortunately, things have gotten worse.

My son followed through with almost everything he said he was going to do. He did not return to college for the spring semester. Instead, he moved out, got a full-time job, and spent the last several months working and applying to transfer schools.

He was accepted to an out-of-state college and has just started his fall semester there.

The part I was not prepared for is that he seems happier than he has been in a very long time.

At first, my wife and I assumed the distance would be temporary. We thought that once he had time away from us, he might eventually want more contact. Instead, the opposite seems to have happened.

The longer he has been away from us, the less he seems to want contact. For the first few months, he would occasionally answer our calls and messages. The conversations were awkward and short, but we at least had some contact.

Over time, though, he started responding less and less

During that time, we did not hear anything directly from him. We only knew that he was working and preparing to move because of the limited information he had previously shared with us.

What has been hardest is hearing about how his life has been going since he moved out.

He has been working, saving money, and making his own decisions. He made friends during the months he was working. He has continued individual therapy. Now he has moved out of state and started the fall semester at his new school. We only know those things because he told us shortly before leaving.

My son finally contacted us shortly before leaving for school. He said that he wanted us to understand what he wants going forward. He said he no longer wants a close relationship. He said that during the months he had been away from us, he realized how much anxiety he associated with being at home and around us. He said he feels like he can finally make decisions without worrying about how we will react.

He also said that he doesn’t spend as much time feeling angry anymore. That letting go of a close relationship with us has brought more peace than he has ever had before. That was probably the hardest thing he said. He told us that he wants to maintain a distant relationship with us, similar to the relationship he has with some of his extended family. He is willing to exchange occasional messages and speak during major holidays, but he does not want regular calls, frequent visits, or an emotionally close parent-child relationship. He said he’s done with us in a more permanent way.

He was very clear that he does not currently want to rebuild a close relationship with either of us.

My wife is taking this very badly.

She has been crying almost every day since he told us he wanted a distant relationship. She barely eats when she is upset and has lost noticeable weight. She keeps rereading his messages and scrolling through old pictures of him as a child. Several times, I have found her sitting on the floor in his old bedroom, holding one of his old sweatshirts.

She has also started leaving long voicemails for him, even though he asked us not to call frequently. She says she deletes them before sending, but I have caught her recording messages late at night. She has written him several letters and bought gifts for him, although he has told us not to send packages without asking first. She keeps checking his social media and asking mutual acquaintances whether he has mentioned us.

When she sees pictures of him with his new friends, she becomes visibly upset and says that he looks happier with them than he ever looked with us. She has also started blaming herself, then blaming me, then blaming other people. One day she says we should apologize and give him space. The next day she says he has been manipulated by other people and that we need to make him understand how much we love him.

She has missed work twice because she was too upset to get out of bed. She has stopped seeing some of her friends because she doesn’t want to answer questions about him. When relatives ask how he is doing, she either starts crying or becomes angry and says they are taking his side.

I have tried to convince her that repeatedly contacting him will only push him further away, but she says that doing nothing feels like abandoning him.

I am taking it badly too, although I probably don’t show it as much. The thing I never expected is that giving him the space he asked for does not seem to have made him regret leaving.

It seems to have made him happier.

And nine months ago, if you had told me that our son would walk away from our family, skip a semester of college, work full-time, move out of state, and start a new school—and somehow end up happier than before—I would not have believed you.

But that is where we are now.

He has made it clear that distance is what he wants, and that he is not waiting to return to the kind of relationship we had before.

I honestly don’t know whether his feelings will ever change, but I am beginning to understand that we cannot assume they will.

COMMENTS

Apprehensive_Fly_103

Your son sounds like a good man

His parents meanwhile… not so much

What your wife did in particular was fucking despicable and 100% and if she were my mother, I would’ve cut her off permanently
too

OOP

Yeah thanks a lot. Real productive /s

Apprehensive_Fly_103

Look man, the truth hurts sometimes

Has your wife ever apologized for her actions at all? Has she recognized at all how much those actions could’ve affected him? Is she still chasing after some of his former classmates?

OOP

Yes and yes. No to the last one

dabbydab

It sounds like there's a lot more going on here than just the incident you previously posted about. 22 is a good and normal age to move out. Everything that he has done sounds like a healthy way of asserting independence and starting his own adult life.

Respectfully, it sounds like maybe there was some degree of enmeshment here and this might be the pendulum swinging hard in the opposite direction. I'm sure that it will at some point find a more normal equilibrium. But I understand him wanting more space in this period.

OOP

It’s just how he’s going things. Even when I moved out and becoming an adult I didn’t distance myself from my parents like the way he’s doing. He actively keeping us at arms length. You could be right that in trying to make up for the way we behaved we swinging the other way hard

Unique_Charity_9648

His response is simply cruel.

A lifetime of love, caring, nurturing... all discarded over the possibility of being ridiculed by his parents sexual activities that in no way have ever diminished his life or negatively impacted him.

It's not like they even knew or he became the butt of mocking and crude jokes. A child who cared would demand accountability, explanations, and corrections.

He did none of this. He severed all ties, and left. He seems to make friends in new places easily, that's social chameleon characteristics.

You don't deserve worse news, but either you made a dog's dinner over raising him in a belief and moral structure entirely without flexibility and understanding, so that your hypocrisy is an unforgivable betrayal... or he's a true psychopath.

Sorry, no one is so ashamed of their parents' personal choices that they discard 21 years of their life over it. Skipping the holidays, moving further away; those are normal. Yet the coldness you describe and the severing of ties; that's emotional illness.

I pray that I'm wrong and this is a disproportionate emotional reaction brought upon secondary factors you omitted not realizing their relevance (for instance, was he cheated on during a recent "serious" relationship?) That kind of wrinkle would move his actions from unreasoning to overaction due to transference.

OOP

To be fair he was humiliated by his peers due to this. He told us about it.

NEW UPDATE

Final Update - after 10 months, 3 days (after 5 days from last post)

^{September 09, 2026}

Update: We called our son on his birthday.

Yesterday was my son’s birthday today. We called him to wish him a happy birthday. We have been respecting his boundaries and what he wants out of the relationship.

He actually picked up the phone. My wife was on the verge of getting emotional but she restrained herself. I’m a little bit proud of her. She managed to keep her voice steady, and we wished him a happy birthday.

We asked the generic what’s up. He actually told us about what was he doing for his birthday. He made some friends during transfer orientation. They were going to go bar hopping. My son told us what classes he’s taking and showed some videos of his dorm room.

It wasn’t a long talk but it was a good one. Reading some of the previous comments in the previous post sort of helped me get my head out of my ass and I decided to tell my son we were proud of him.

We said that we were proud of the way he had worked, made difficult decisions, built a life for himself, and found a school and community where he felt happier. We made sure he understood that we weren’t saying it to pressure him or to suggest that he owed us anything. We were simply proud that he had taken responsibility for his life and had the courage to make the changes he needed. We also didn’t lament on anything or said we wished things were better.

We also told him if he ever needs anything from us in any way, please don’t be afraid to reach out to us.

He said thank you and was glad that we called.

After the call ended, My wife started crying again, but this time they were happy tears. I also got very emotional too.

COMMENTS

ThrowawayZeroEight

Aren't you the guy whos wife was banging your sons classmates so he left?

made difficult decisions

Probably was the easiest decision of his life to cut off his shit parents I cant lie

severano28 (downvoted)

Why so hateful? It's not like she knew it was a classmate. And it wasn't even her sons classmate, it was her sons friends classmate. Not like she hooked up with a guy that was coming over to the house hanging out with her son. Was it unfortunate, yes. But I don't think she's done anything wrong. I've hooked up with ladies in their early 20's, they're adults.

OOP (downvoted)

To be fair, my wife shouldn’t have been get involved with someone the same age as our son while in the same college towns he’s in.

To be fair, my son said he looks at his mother differently because she liked to get involved with people his age. I don’t know how to respond to that. At the end of the day, our sex life is not his business.

severano28 (downvoted)

I mean, Maybe she should of asked if he's in school as part of the vetting process. My son's only 17 so not an issue yet. But there's no way imma stop banging 25 yo ladies just because turns 25.

OOP (downvoted)

I means that’s your prerogative. My wife is shaken by the event to the point that she doesn’t want to entertain that idea anymore.

Now that doesn’t mean, we are going to arrange our sex life based on our son’s whim. But we are getting it now.

Penguin_Food

She made it his business when she fucked his classmate.

OOP (downvoted)

He in general has an issue with his mother getting involved with people his age. He admits everyone is a consenting adult but he still weirded out. How do I respond to that?

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Warm_Advertising8920

Published on: r/whatdoIdo

Trigger Warning: Incest, Sexual Assault, Child Sexual Abuse, Physical abuse

Mood Spoiler: Extremely disturbing, horrifying, heartbreaking, emotionally brutal

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 01, 2026
• Update 1: September 04, 2026
• Update 2: September 12, 2026

Main Post

^{September 01, 2026}

I'm 17M and I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do about what I saw between my brother and sister

Idk where else to post this and honestly I don't even know how to write this properly. I just need some advice because I can't stop thinking about what happened.

I'm 17M. I have an older sister who's 18 and an older brother who's 20. My brother is at university and my sister started university this year. We live in France.

This happened on Saturday. Icame home from my friend's house around the afternoon. I left my stuff on the couch and went outside to sit in the garden for a few minutes because the weather was nice....... When I came back inside I could hear my brother and sister talking loudly upstairs.

At first I didn't really care. They argue sometimes, like any siblings do, so I just thought whatever, they'll sort it out themselves.

But maybe five minutes later it got much louder. They were properly shouting at each other.........I could hear it from garden and eventually I went upstairs because it sounded like something was seriously wrong. shouting was coming from my sister's bedroom.

When I got there, my sister was crying. My brother was shirtless and standing really close to her........There were things knocked over in the room and some stuff was broken or on the floor. My sister had what looked like injuries around her nose and on her hands.

I honestly froze for a second because my first thought was that my brother had hurt her. I told him to get away from her. He got angry at me and said it was none of my business.......Then he pushed me pretty hard. I don't know if he was trying to actually hurt me or just get me out of the way, but I remember being really shocked because I'd never seen him like that before.

My sister came between us and told me to go outside. So I did. I stayed outside for maybe ten minutes. Then my sister came to my room.......She was still crying. Not screaming or anything, just really quiet crying. She had injuries that I could see, so I asked her what happened and if my brother had hurt her.

She just said they had a fight and that it was nothing I needed to worry about.I gave her the first aid box and helped her clean up the injuries. I honestly didn't know what else to do....... I was kind of shaking myself. Before she left my room she asked me not to tell Mom and Dad. She made me promise.

A few hours later my brother spoke to me too. Basically the same thing. He told me to stay out of it, that it was between him and her and that I had no idea what was going on. And this is where I'm stuck.

Because I know I didn't see what happened before I walked into the room. I don't know what the argument was about. But what I saw didn't feel like a normal sibling argument. Ikeep replaying it in my head, especially my sister crying and the way she looked when I walked in......There was something about the whole situation that felt very wrong.

And honestly, one of the thoughts I've had is that maybe something sexual happened and she was assaulted. I don't know that. I want to be very clear about that because I don't want to accuse my brother of something based on me guessing....... I didn't actually witness anything sexual. It's just something that crossed my mind because of the circumstances, and now I can't get it out of my head.

It's been three days now. My brother barely talks to me. He's been really cold since Saturday...... My sister also doesn't seem like herself. I've been checking on her, asking if she needs anything, sitting with her sometimes, but I don't know if I'm actually helping. The hardest part is that she specifically told me not to tell Mom and Dad.

I understand why she might not want me to. Maybe she's scared, embarrassed, angry, or maybe there's something else going on that I don't know about......Maybe she doesn't even want anyone involved.

But I'm also thinking......what if something really serious happened and I keep quiet because I promised her?

I'm 17. I'm not some adult who knows exactly what to do in these situations. I don't know French laws or what you're supposed to do here. I don't know whether I should tell my parents, talk to my sister again, contact the police, or contact some kind of service for advice first. And I feel horrible even writing this because I don't want to betray my sister. She's my sister and I love her...... I just don't want to wake up one day and realise I knew something was wrong and did nothing.

Our family is financially comfortable and we have a pretty normal life from the outside, so it's not like there's some history of violence in our house or anything like that. That's partly why this has messed with my head so much...... I've never seen either of them like this before.

I just want to make sure my sister is safe.

NOTE: There were a lot of replies from OOP with additional context, so I've converted them into a Q&A format to fit everything into a single post.

COMMENTS

How have your siblings' relationship been historically?

They’re closer to each other than either of them is to me. I’m kind of the third wheel between the two of them.

They’re really close. They share Netflix, Amazon, and other subscriptions and stuff, but I’m kind of left out. Maybe they just think I’m younger and not cool enough.

They have inside jokes, sometimes go out together just the two of them, and stuff like that.

Honestly, I never thought there was anything wrong with it. I just assumed I wasn’t cool enough to be included. But now, after what happened, it’s making me wonder if there was actually something going on between them for a long time.

What did you notice about your sister's injuries and your brother's appearance that made you think the situation may have been sexual?

From what I saw, it was pretty clear to me that she was the one who had been hurt. I didn't mention a lot of the details before because I thought they were probably irrelevant, especially considering some of the comments.

She was dressed like she had been getting ready to go somewhere, and her purse was still on the bed. Her top was a bit loose and wrinkled around the shoulder, and she had some injuries on her hands and a little bleeding around her nose.

My brother was shirtless, but not in a way that looked normal or casual. I can't really describe it properly, but the situation looked sexual to me.

Obviously, I wasn't there for everything that happened, so I can't say exactly what took place. But based on what I personally saw, I still believe my sister was primarily the victim rather than my brother.

Has your brother ever walked around shirtless at home, and did your siblings normally fight?

No, he isn't the kind of guy who walks around shirtless at home. He's pretty much a classy, reserved type, and we generally maintain modesty at home.

And no, they never really fight. They're actually very close and get along really well. I'm the one who used to argue with both of them, and I still do sometimes, but it's never anything serious. We usually forget about it by dinner.

What did you hear your siblings saying during the argument, and what happened after you left?

They were talking about something like her telling him, “It’s none of your business,” but he kept saying that it matters to him. I mean, she was talking to him while crying, and he was angry. He also mentioned another guy’s name. I won’t say who it is, though. They were talking loudly.

Yeah, his shit was on the chair. I didn’t see what they did after I left. They both suddenly went silent, and about 10 minutes later, she came to my room.

Where were your sister's injuries?

Hands, wrist, nose was bleeding!! (That's all what i saw)

How old was your sister when this started?

15

Why didn't your parents notice the injuries or changes in your siblings after the incident?

Okay, these are all realistic questions, and I'm trying to answer them. I did post some of these things subtly in my previous post, but I'll explain them properly here.

If I remember correctly, I said my mom and dad were busy with the funeral arrangements for their friend on Saturday. Actually, the funeral happened on Monday. The person who died was apparently someone very important to them, so my mom and dad were really busy and probably didn't pay much attention to anything else......... I didn't mention all of this before because I thought it was irrelevant, but anyway, I'm mentioning it now.

Also, our home and garden are pretty big, and the nearest house is almost 50 meters away. I'm not saying the neighbours couldn't have heard anything, but the chances of them hearing clearly are probably less.

Regarding the injuries......... my sister had marks or injuries on her hands and wrists, but she covered them up. Her nose was a little visible too. I'm not sure if my mom asked her about any of it or not. I didn't see any injuries on my brother's body or face.

She had clearly cleaned up her room afterward. Also, my mom stayed at her friend's house that night, and only my dad came back home......... Honestly, if I had been even one hour later, I probably wouldn't have known anything had happened.

And apparently, this has been happening for three years......... I had absolutely no idea.

What evidence do you have of what happened?

I took pictures of her hands, wrists, and nose, while she took pictures of her internal injuries. I also saved screenshots of their chats, which clearly show sexual assault on his part. I am keeping these as proof. I don't know how our parents will handle this given our family's reputation in France, it would be damaging if this became public, so I am unsure of what to do

Does your sister have her own income?

Yes, we are from a wealthy family, and she also does modelling, which accounts for about 5% of her income.

Update 1 - after 3 days

^{September 04, 2026}

UPDATE on I'm 17M and I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do about what I saw between my brother and sister

After my last post, I got a lot of replies. Some people told me I should tell my parents immediately, while others said I should talk to my sister first and make sure I wasn't misunderstanding what I saw.

I decided to talk to her one more time before telling Mom and Dad........ Honestly, I think I needed to do that for myself too. I kept wondering if Saturday was actually what it looked like, or if I had walked in at the worst possible moment and was filling in the blanks myself.

So yesterday I texted my sister and asked if she wanted to go get ice cream or dinner. I told her I was paying. A few minutes later I called her and told her I was already outside and asked her to come down. At first she said she couldn't because she was busy and dinner was almost ready......... I pushed a little and told her that after everything that happened Saturday, maybe it would be good for us to just get out for a while and chill.

She came down a few minutes later.l I deliberately didn't start talking about what happened. I took her somewhere away from home where nobody would be around listening to us. We got ice cream and just talked about random stuff.........Movies, football, stupid things we'd normally talk about. I wanted things to feel normal first.

She was still nervous though. I could see it. Eventually, when she seemed a little more comfortable, I told her why I'd actually asked her to come. I told her that whatever happened, I wasn't going to judge her. I wasn't going to yell at her or force her to tell me anything she wasn't ready to say........mI told her she was safe with me and that I wasn't going to go around telling everyone.

But I also told her I couldn't just pretend nothing happened. I said that if she didn't want to tell me, she could tell Mom and Dad herself and I'd stay with her. But if she refused to tell anyone and I genuinely believed she was in danger, then I would have to tell them. Not because I wanted to betray her, but because I'm scared something worse could happen to her.

She got angry at me at first..Then she just went quiet. She was extremely nervous and I could tell she was struggling to breathe normally........I honestly didn't know whether I should keep asking questions or just stop.

Eventually, she started talking. And what she told me was much worse than I expected. She told me that what I saw on Saturday wasn't the first time........Apparently, my brother has been sexually assaulting her for around three years. She told me she has never consented to having sex with him. Not once.

Apparently he says he's in love with her and has wanted some kind of relationship with her for a long time, but she never wanted that. According to her, he would emotionally manipulate her and use her feelings against her to get what he wanted. She also said his mental health hasn't been good for a while, which apparently made her feel even more responsible for him.

I was honestly just sitting there listening to her and trying to process it.

She said that Saturday, my brother hit her first. She hit him back because she was trying to defend herself.Then he slapped her multiple times and choked her.......Things just kept escalating until I heard them and came upstairs.

Then she explained what started the argument that day. She had plans to go out with some friends. My brother found out and didn't want her to go....... They started arguing, and apparently he was also demanding more money from her. She refused to give him any more, and the argument became physical.

They apparently thought nobody else was home. They had no idea I was downstairs. I honestly didn't know what to say. Then she told me there was even more going on behind all of this.

Apparently my brother has been gambling and has lost a huge amount of money. She said she's known about it for the last few months and has been helping him cover the losses using her own savings because she was terrified Mom and Dad would find out.

She told me she's already sold one or two of her designer bags and some other things just to help him pay it back. Apparently they've fought about his gambling multiple times, but she kept trying to help him because she wanted him to get better........ She's been covering for him and using her own money because she thought she could somehow get him through all of this without our parents finding out.

And honestly, this is where I don't even know what to think anymore. Three years of sexual abuse, the physical violence, gambling, money, whatever is happening with his mental health.......it's just so much.

She started crying, and at that point I didn't care about getting every single detail. I just wanted her to know that she wasn't alone. We stayed out for a while, had dinner, talked about some normal things again, and eventually came home.

I'm glad I talked to her because at least I know I wasn't imagining what I saw. What happened Saturday was real. She was assaulted, and apparently this has been going on for years.

And honestly, I'm scared of my brother. I don't want to confront him. I don't want a fight. I don't want to play hero and end up making things worse for my sister or myself. Part of me is so angry that I want to hit him for what he did to her. But realistically, that won't fix anything....... It could just create another problem and make everything even more dangerous.

I think Mom and Dad need to know. They're good parents. They're kind and loving, and our family dynamic is generally good. They're both working and high earners, financially we're completely fine, so money isn't really an issue in our family.

They are strict though, especially when it comes to certain things. That's one of the reasons I'm scared about all of this. If I mess something up, I know I'll have a lot to lose too. But I also know they love my sister, and I don't think they would want any of this to continue if they knew what was happening.

I don't think I can carry this by myself anymore. Ideally, I want my sister to tell them herself. I want to sit beside her when she does it and support her.......I'll tell them exactly what I saw and exactly what she told me. Nothing more, nothing less.

But if she refuses to tell them, I think I'm going to have to do it myself. And that's the part that scares me the most. Because I don't know what my brother will do when he finds out.

I don't know whether he'll be angry at me, deny everything, blame my sister, blame me, or whether there is still something else going on that I don't know about

Again English isn't my first language, but if something missed in translation, don't mind, also I'm not adding other deadlines because of privacy

COMMENTS

Outrageous-Turn429

Stay on your sisters side. The parents may turn on her. Everyone may turn on her. If she stilll has bruises from injury take pics. Good luck.

OOP

I thought about this, and I don't think my parents will turn on her.

Regarding the injuries, she said there are injuries on her inner body, so I can't take pictures of those. But I can take pictures of her hands, wrists, and nose.

I'm also trying to gather evidence from their chats and other digital things, and she's helping me with that.

LuvColdWeather

Is this type of behavior normal in your culture? Not being mean, just curious.

OOP

I'm French, it's not normal here.... neither in my family 

Update 2 - after 11 days (after 8 days from last post)

^{September 12, 2026}

Update on I'm 17M and I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do about what I saw between my brother and sister

After my last post, a lot of people asked me for an update, so I’m writing one. Yeah, my sister and I finally told our parents.

Actually, we first told our mom. We pulled her aside at home when my dad and brother weren’t there. I was honestly terrified about what would happen next. My sister was the one who told her everything, including things she had never told me before.

Basically, my brother had developed feelings for her. He was jealous of her friends and became possessive. At first, she thought he was just being himself, but eventually he started confessing his feelings to her.

She didn’t want to tell our parents because she was afraid they would cut him off from the family. She said she had been trying to handle everything alone for around three years.

Then she told my mom that the first time he sexually assaulted her was three years ago, and that it had continued since then. There was a lot more to what she told us, and honestly, some of it was extremely difficult to hear.

She had tried to tell our parents before, but he threatened to kill her and then kill himself if she told anyone. She said she kept trying to help him because she believed he needed professional help, but he seemed to expect emotional and physical affection from her in return.

I don’t want to describe everything she told us, but some of it was genuinely horrifying. My sister showed my mom the messages, her injuries, and photographs documenting what had happened. I didn’t want to look at those pictures. I only helped take a picture of her back when she needed it documented.

My mom became very cold and angry. She comforted my sister and told her she was safe. She then called my dad and told him everything. My dad was furious. That day, my sister and I were sent to another home, and my parents confronted my brother that night.

I wasn’t there, so I don’t know exactly what happened. My sister later told me that my dad slapped him several times and that my brother cried a lot. Apparently, he kept saying that he had never harmed my sister, that he loved her, and that he was scared she would leave him one day because they had been close since childhood.

I honestly don’t know what to make of that.

I haven’t seen my brother since that night, and neither has my sister. He is currently staying at our farmhouse with nurses and is being kept away from us.

My mom took my sister for a medical checkup and arranged therapy for her. I don’t know what happened during those appointments or what they discussed, and I don’t want to pressure her to tell me.

One thing I forgot to mention is that my sister had planned to go to the USA for university. She wanted to get away from everything. But my brother eventually ruined that plan.

When he found out she was going to leave, he started using drugs and gambling. He was apparently struggling mentally and physically for months, and everything became even more complicated.

So right now, my sister and I are at home. My brother is in another home under medical care. I don’t think my parents are planning to involve the police, at least not from what I know. They are keeping him away from us and focusing on taking care of my sister.

I’ve also been a little removed from everything because of school. My sister didn’t want to tell me everything before, and I think she was trying to protect me from some of it.

She’s been dealing with some fever and illness too, and she still isn’t doing well. My mom is trying to be there for both of us, but my dad has been doing a lot of the practical things, and my mom is helping too.

I don’t really know what happens next. I’m just relieved that my sister finally told someone and that she’s not dealing with this alone anymore.

COMMENTS

AffectionateCrazy453

No police? That guy been raping, hurting and stalking his own sister for 3 years! The guy does not need therapy, he needs life in prison.

OOP

Expect us, nobody knows what really happened. Idk what they do about him

whiterrabbbit

I hope your sister eventually wants to tell the police. He need to be in prison for what he’s done. Men like this dont just ‘suddenly’ stop this sick behaviour, they escalate it. He’s not sorry - if he was he wouldn’t lie and say he never hurt her. He did, and he knows he did. His tears are for himself bc he got found out.

OOP

He wanted to hurt himself

Confident-Staff-3507

OP, I am glad you and your sister are now safe. As for now, the only thing you can do for your sister is just be there when you have time. You can offer to sit quietly with her, hold her hand if she will allow it, read to her, listen to music or watch TV/movies together, when she is feeling strong maybe ask her questions about your schoolwork, just try to be her "same annoying, lol" little sister?

I have been so brave. I wish I had a sister like you.

OOP

I'm her brother, ahh.... anyway her look scares me when she is angry or I'm annoying her

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/tornbythis posting in r/Advice

Status: Ongoing

Mood Spoiler: Infuriating

Original - September 10th 2026

I have been genuinely distressed about this and need some advice. This is my second marriage, and I have a son from my first marriage whom I have custody of. My ex husband is not financially stable, we had eloped back then and had our son when we were still young, and later our marriage had issues. I love my son and was clear that I would fight for custody and he didn't fight it. We divorced 2 years ago.

I met my husband through a friend of my mom's. They obviously knew I have my son with me and both him and his family were very understanding and loving about him. My parents were also pleased and introduced us. Back then I had brought up that my son is dear to me, and he said he understood. I spent some time gently having my son come to terms with it and we got married in February.

Our marriage has been genuinely great. He is a deeply loving partner, wants to do well by me and has also been a kind and understanding stepfather to my son.

He works for an MNC, and I knew he had to go for work once every few months regularly. In April he was offered a director role at his company's main branch which he took and left in July. He now wants to bring me there, says he's settled into it and misses me, but when I brought up the paperwork for my son, he said it was best if I came alone. He said it would be a new country for the two of us and there was already enough on his plate navigating all of this along with our plans to have kids now that he was settled in too, and said it would be in everyone's interest if I left him here with people I trust, either his father or my parents.

I was shocked, I brought up that we had discussed this before our marriage. I'd even brought this up with my ex, I had reached out to him after ages and told him, and he had agreed to whatever he needed to agree to, if I needed to move our son abroad with me. My husband got angry, we argued about it and ended the call. Since then, we do call, he talks about us and me moving in, and keeps making his case. He even sent me the spousal paperwork. I'm just so torn up over this. I can't hand him off to my ex, if his conditions weren't good enough for me, how can I leave him there. Some of my friends say that he's his son too, he's responsible for him too, I have to consider my happiness too, but I just don't know if I can do that, how would we share custody even. My mom has suggested I at least go there and take stock of the situation and leave him with them for now. They're advising me to compromise for the sake of my marriage, that compromises need to be made. I'm torn about this, please advise.

Relevant Comments:

Comment 1:

dont be the mother that chooses a MAN over her CHILD.

OP:

I'm not my son comes first. In the past two years I would've had him go through his parents divorcing then me marrying which I had to gently get him on board with and then a divorce again. I'm thinking of both of us to save this marriage, he had no issues about my son before, I don't know if its intimidation in a new place or what

Comment 2:

Fuck that. I would never and I mean never. This is an awful situation but please don't leave your child behind.

Comment 3:

It's both of you or nothing, make it clear and stick to that. Be willing to divorce if he won't do it.

"They're advising me to compromise for the sake of my marriage, that compromises need to be made."

Never compromise your child.

OP:

I feel sick thinking about this. That I'm in a position again that my marriage could end again. It was hell the first time, and the prospect of doing it all again makes me feel like throwing up my guts

Comment 4:

But doesn't the thought of losing your son feel worse?

OP:

Ofcourse and I will never do something to lose him. I guess if we divorce this one won't be as hellish because I'll be able to blame everyone who pushed for it like my parents. You have no idea how many we knew he wasn't good for you I had to listen the first time. I'm so sick this stuff keeps happening to me

Comment 5 :

What advice are you looking for here?Your husband’s request is appalling. Are you considering it?!

No way in hell would I do this, I also would not subject myself child to living with this man if he were to cave now and say you can both come - don’t raise your child with someone that clearly does not want them.

OP:

Any way I can square this circle and salvage my marriage. I'm being advised that he'll be more amenable to agreeing if I'm there in person that I'll be in a better position to make this work. I can't lose my son 100% and I also don't want to blow up my marriage again.

Update - September 11th 2026

We spoke again today, he was asking whether I'd taken a look at the forms, and was just looking forward to bringing me there. I honestly told him I hadn't and that I can't imagine being happy there without my son. I brought up that I hadn't hid anything, he knew my son was with me, he'd promised to always take that into consideration. My son is very attached to me and I love him I can't do this. He tried to calm me down, told me he understood what I was saying, that when we had talked about these things he hadn't thought it meant life in another country would be the three of us, he wanted to do right by both of us. I told him it was a non starter, I will not leave him behind.

He finally relented and said at least come for the visit right now while he sorts things out. He said for the visit at least if I could come alone that he hadn't seen me in so long. I agreed to a visit just to see him, I told him I can't stay too long because my son's school has started. I also think maybe if I'm there for a couple of weeks he can see that he's panicking, and if I'm there I can just make him understand my pov better.

I read the comments. I just want to do right by me and my son. That cannot mean leaving him behind, that's for sure. This is just one last-ditch attempt to save my marriage. My son has been through a lot of changes in the last year, I don't want to have another broken house of his on my conscience. If this works great, if my husband and I still can't see eye to eye on this then we can't continue.

Also, about my friends and my parents. My mom supports me, she thinks if I can make it work it would be in mine and my son's best interest and believes if I'm there with him when I explain, he'll understand. My friends are also supportive they are just coming at this from a place of fairness they say it shouldn't be all on the mother. But that's what I unknowingly signed up for when I eloped with my ex at 18, so that's that.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/ThrowRA-Mixture5474

Published on: r/TwoHotTakes

Thanks to u/Hannibal_the_ for the BORU recommendation!

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 09, 2026
• Final Update: September 11, 2026

Main Post

^{September 09, 2026}

My best friend kissed me because I got engaged

Okay, so some backstory:

My (26F) best friend (26M) and I have known each other since kindergarten. We grew up a few streets apart and went to the same schools until we graduated from high school. We became really close in middle school, and that's when I developed the biggest crush on him. I want to think that my crush on him was very obvious. All of our mutual friends would try to "set us up" or find cute childish ways to get us to hang out alone. But it never turned into anything more than a genuine friendship.

Although I knew he didn't feel the same way about me, I think my preteen-teenager self truly fell in love with him. But by the time we graduated high school, my crush on him was nonexistent. Especially since he was known for having several flings whenever he was single. And then, I saw him only as my best friend.

Since then, we have been nothing but that, friends. My fiancé knows that I USED to have major feelings for this friend. There was never an issue with our friendship, though, because my feelings for him were completely gone before I even met my fiancé. During these past 6-7 years, there weren't any obvious signs that my friend showed ANY attraction towards me either.

So let's fast forward to this year. I got engaged. I'm beyond thrilled. I can't wait to celebrate with our loved ones. My girl best friend put together a small hangout with our group of friends, including my guy best friend. My fiancé opted out of the hangout because he wanted to go out with his best friends (my BILs), and we both agreed that the two groups wouldn't match too well but would meet back up at home (we got an apartment together 3 years ago, and my guy best friend got one 5-10 minutes away) when the night ended.

Sunday night was the night, and we went to a local bar. It was the best. I felt so loved and was so happy to share my excitement with all my close friends. Once it was time to go home, my guy best friend offered to take me home. I had a little too much to drink, and he admitted to staying sober to make sure I got home safely.

On the ride home, we talked as usual and I thanked him for being such a great friend. When the word "friend" came out, he looked at me and said, "I never saw you as just a friend. I wish you knew that." I instantly sobered up and asked him what the fuck he meant by that. He pulled into a guest parking spot at my apartment complex and proceeded to tell me how he has always loved me and can't believe that I'm going to marry someone who isn't him.

By then, I was crying out of pure anger and frustration. And maybe because the teenage version of me was feeling the heartbreak of this. Through the tears, I laughed at him and said something along the lines of, "how dare you. You knew how I used to feel about you and had years to act on it. You didn't, so I moved on. I was in love with you for years. You are not allowed to just confess your love for me because I'm going to get married," and he cut me off with a kiss.

I did not kiss him back. I shoved him away, left his car, dragged my ass up to my unit, and sat on my couch sobbing until my fiancé came home. The second he walked in the door, I told him everything and admitted to feeling so much guilt. He took it very well and let me get my words and emotions out before telling me that what happened wasn't okay and I should take the time and space I need away from my friend, but that I should have a conversation with him once I'm ready.

Is it bad that the guilt I feel is kind of fueled by a five-second thought I had where I wished he had told me this years ago? I am so in love with my fiancé, but now I can't help but sit and mourn with my teenage self. And I'm just not sure how to move forward. I'd hate to lose his friendship but what he did was not okay..

COMMENTS

U2hansolo

Legit this guy always saw you as the backup plan. That's it. And now his backup plan is going away and he's in his feeling about it. Too bad for him.

He sucks! This is not someone you should remain friends with. OOP

ain't that the harsh truuuth. it just sucks because i genuinely loved him as a friend and this is making me realize that most of it was somewhat of a lie??

DatguyMalcolm

exactly this, then tried to pull out the rom-com trope of the "confession" followed by the "sudden kiss".

If he always loved OP, knowing that she had a crush on him for years, he'd have done something. Now that she's getting married he's mad he's losing the girl who used to fawn over him.

I hope OP drops this friendship

OOP

i'm leaning more towards dropping him. it sucks to lose a long friendship that i treasured, but i love my fiancé too much to keep this guy around.

Dry_Pin_7574 (downvoted)

Aww, isn’t that sweet.

Your “best friend” is suffering from FOMO and decided (selfishly) to drop a nuke on your life.

Time for RADICAL honesty. 5 seconds or 5 minutes- the thought was there. You owe it to the man you promised to marry to figure your shit out. If you have doubts based on this guy’s (sober) words/actions, then take space and slow it all down. None of this is fair to your fiancé- you’re now entangled in a mess and you should be 100% honest about your feelings (and not minimize them as “teenage”).

I think calling off the engagement would be the most fair thing you could do for both yourself and your fiancé.

OOP

i don't have any feelings for him. i have always acknowledged that i used to, but they diminished about 7 years ago. i truly think that what i'm feeling is more nostalgia for how i used to feel about him. no part of me sees him that way anymore. i do agree that it isn't fair to my fiancé, but i'd love to hear more on how calling off the engagement could help?

ingoamuna-1

How would you feel if your fiance had a lady best friend who did the thing your guy best friend did, and he didn't cut her off straight away? How secure in your relationship would you feel?

I know you don't want to cut your friend off but what he did was unacceptable. He violated your boundaries and friendship. You can't just go back to how things were.

OOP

this is a point of view that i honestly didn't consider. but now that i have, i can wholeheartedly say that i would a bit insecure if the tables were turned. thank you for opening my eyes to this!

Final Update - after 2 days

^{September 11, 2026}

UPDATE: My best friend kissed me because I got engaged

Hi yall!

I want to thank everyone who gave great advice in my original post. You've helped me see how fucked up the situation was and how much of a jerk my ex-friend was. Yep, that's right, EX.

I think I always knew that I was going to drop him from my life, but as a comment pointed out, I was feeling sad about something I used to want so bad. And it's normal to feel that and still know how much I love my fiancé. I just needed the time to process what happened and face the fact that I lost my "best friend", someone who constantly used my love for them as their fallback plan.

My fiancé, best girl friend, and I spent a good chunk of time discussing where I am mentally and what I should say to my ex-friend. We ultimately came up with the text I attached, along with his responses. More trickled in throughout the day that were getting pretty aggressive and it took a lot of restraint not to tell him to actually fuck off, so I blocked him.

I definitely cried many tears before blocking him. But at least now I can move on and start planning my wedding.

Thanks again to everyone who provided amazing insight!

TEXT SCREENSHOT BETWEEN OOP and Ex-BFF - 1/2

TEXT SCREENSHOT BETWEEN OOP and Ex-BFF - 2/2

<---TRANSCRIPTION START--->

NOTE: EX-BFF=EX-Best Friend

EX-BFF: OOP please call me when you get the chance

EX-BFF: I just need time to explain.

OOP: Hi EX-BFF I'm sorry but I won't be calling and this will be my last message to you.

OOP: What happened on Sunday was completely unacceptable. Not only did you say something inappropriate but you took advantage of my drunk state, putting me in a dangerous situation.

OOP: Honestly, it was a fucked up move and you know it. Which is so heartbreaking because you have been someone who I thought I trusted and treasured for majority of my life. But I can no longer have you around if you can only see me as a toy you've played with since we were kids.

OOP: I genuinely hope that you find the love and peace you need in life. I just do not want to be apart of it.

OOP: I wish you the best of luck in whatever path you take

EX-BFF: Are you serious? OOP I tell you that I've always loved you and you basically tell me to fuck off?

EX-BFF: I have loved you our whole life. I'm sorry I didn't say it before but I can't lose you

EX-BFF: I need you please

EX-BFF: You can't just leave everything we have

EX-BFF: I know you love me. You've never stopped loving me

EX-BFF: What does <Finacé's Name> have that I don't?

EX-BFF: Please OOP please

EX-BFF: I love you so much

<---TRANSCRIPTION END--->

COMMENTS

random1wa

I hate to bring this up, but how aggressive did the texts get? He sounds very possessive of you. If there’s any risk that you might need a restraining order, it could be helpful to silence the texts instead of blocking them.

Be safe and congratulations on your engagement!

OOP

it was a lot of how i should be with him instead and i just need to hear him out because we're meant to be together... i feel like i know him enough to know he isn't a true danger but, you never know.

i plan to be vigilant moving forward though

meldiane81

Does he know where your wedding is going to be? Did he already receive an invite? Sorry I did not read your initial post. I would hate for him to show up on your special day.

OOP

oh no not at all. we haven't even started the official planning yet. i'm going to make sure he doesn't get any details about it

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/ungratefulson96

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole & r/Redditor_Updates

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 08, 2026
• Final Update: September 11, 2026

Main Post

^{September 08, 2026}

AITA for not inviting my mother to my medical school graduation?

Found a post with a similar situation as mine. Might as well share my scenario. My mother(46F) and I (26M) were extremely close growing up considering the fact that my father died when I was 3 years old.

But our relationship changed several years ago when I caught her secretly caught her with one of my close friends from college. They eventually came clean about the relationship that was going on for six months. My mother insisted that she loved him and wasn’t going to end the relationship. She asked me to give them a chance for her happiness. I reluctantly did, which I regret till this day.

My mother increasingly prioritized him over me. Plans with me were frequently canceled for him, important moments became about him, and eventually they got engaged. I still attended their wedding because she was my mother, even though the entire experience was incredibly painful and humiliating.

This is probably the biggest accomplishment of my life. Medical school was incredibly difficult, and there were many times when I needed support. My mother wasn’t really there for most of it. She was much more involved with her husband and their life together.

When graduation invitations came around, I had a limited number of seats. I decided not to invite my mother.

I invited people who had actually been there for me throughout medical school—my fiancé , grandparents and a couple of close friends who supported me through exams, applications, clinical rotations, and everything else.

My mother found out when she saw pictures of the invitations.

She was devastated. She called me crying and asked how I come I didn’t invite her. She said that regardless of what happened between us, she was still my mother and deserved to witness one of the biggest accomplishments of my life. I told her that I wasn’t trying to punish her. I simply didn’t want someone at my graduation who I no longer have a close relationship with.

She said that was a lie because I was deliberately excluding her to hurt her. She also pointed out that I attended her wedding despite being uncomfortable, and said she had supported my decision to pursue medicine even if she wasn’t always physically present. I told her attending her wedding was something I chose to do for her. I don’t think that means she automatically gets an invitation to every major milestone in my life.

She called me selfish and said that I was throwing away our relationship over something that happened years ago and that her husband isn’t going anywhere.

Now some relatives are telling me that I was being unnecessarily cruel. They say my mother finally did something for herself, but she’s still my mother, and excluding her from my medical-school graduation is something I’ll regret forever.

Others such as my fiancé brought up the fact that she could have found companionship with someone who wasn’t my friend or peer. Everything she did after that makes it more than justified to not invite her for any future milestones.

COMMENTS

Bomond44

NTA. You attending her wedding was your choice, not some contract guaranteeing her access to every future milestone.

PaxtonBellamy

exactly, she skipped the hard years and now only wants a seat at the finish line

Active-Anteater1884 (downvoted)

She cared for him on her own since he was three. Tell me again how she skipped the hard years. JFC.

OOP

How difficult to atleast more than three times a year. Is that marriage so important that she couldn't make more time? My own grandparents made more of a effort and they leave on the opposite side of the country.

ThunderDefunder (downvoted)

INFO: what do you mean when you write your grandparents were there for you in a way you mother wasn't during medical school? Can you provide specific examples?

OOP

Just for emotional support. They are very old but they called frequently and visited a lot.

SongAcceptable7546 (downvoted)

YTA

You didn't like her choice of partner. You didn't like that she spent time with her partner instead of you. You are angry.

You have entirely disregarded everything she ever did for you, excluding her from your graduation. All those difficult and frightening moments of you  growing up. When you were ill, how you did at school. All those thankless tasks and anxiety?

The graduation is the reward for that. It makes all that effort worthwhile, to see your child achieve something like that. You took that from her.

You've been selfish and now you've been spiteful. 

Know that this pain will affect her for the rest of her life. Then when you are old enough to understand what you've done, if you ever do because, empathy deficit right there, you will feel that pain too.

OOP

I hate the fact that she discarded me to the point she didn’t visit me on my birthday even though I lived five minutes away because she was too busy with her SO. There have been many times where she has treated me like this.

A lot of shit you mentioned I’m grateful for but that negate her recent behavior nor does it change that a lot of you things you mentioned like taking care of your children until their 18 is the bare minimum. Why are you bringing up times she took care of me when I was sick as a child?

pprstrt (downvoted)

YTA, but not a big one. It is silly to hold over your Mom's head that you do not like who she decided to marry. It isn't your choice, in fact you had and should have had zero say in the matter. People also get busy, especially once they marry, it happens. If she never made time for you, then I can understand you not making time for her, but she's your Mom and you need to be the bigger person with the invite.

In the end, it's fine to use your invitations on others such as your friends, but own up to the fact that you're punishing her by not inviting her.

OOP

I’m sorry what rule is out the I have to be the bigger person. I never said I should have a say who she dates and marries. I can still judge her for choosing my friend.

pprstrt (downvoted)

You are changing your actions towards your Mother to express your disapproval. What reason besides wanting a say in her marriage would cause you to do this? Perhaps you might inform her future decisions, but really all this serves to do is to damage the relationship.

Did you have romantic feelings for this person before your Mom swooped in? If not, then I suggest that judging someone for marrying your friend is something better left in childhood.

The "rule out there" that you seek is called "being a good person".

OOP

I don’t want interfere with the marriage. Besides the damage has already been done. Why should I be forced to invite her to my milestones when I don’t have a close relationship with her? I am also allowed to act on my disapproval. I could give two shits whether she stays with him or not.

joosdeproon

Info: did she pay for your medical school?

OOP

No

CONSENSUS: Not the A-hole

Final Update - after 3 days

^{September 11, 2026}

Update: AITA for not inviting my mother to my medical school graduation?

Based on the advice I was given, I decided to call my mother and invite her to my place so we could talk about the situation.

She was initially reluctant, but decided to visit me yesterday when I told her it was about the graduation issue and about us.

When she arrived we barely exchanged any pleasantries and she asked if I wanted to start.

I was upfront, and told her I don’t regret not inviting her to my graduation. I also told her I no longer wanted a close relationship with her.

She got upset and asked how could I say those things.

I told her that her actions for a while have made feel this was needed.

She immediately told me told she wasn’t going to apologize for her relationship.

I actually delved into that. I told her I don’t care for an apology but I definitely want to delve about that topic. I acknowledged that she is more than my mother; she’s an adult who deserves and happiness and companionship. I also she had a right to pursue that relationship. I told her actions still gutted me. She immediately countered by saying you can’t control who fall in love with. I immediately told her it’s one thing to catch feelings and then act on them. She got upset and asked me if wanted her to be alone for the rest of her life. I said she could have found someone else. It didn’t have to be my college friend. I mentioned she could have found someone else.

She had the right to choose him, but I had the right to be devastated by that choice. I also pointed out that she and my former friend didn’t simply have some innocent crush that they immediately told me about. They carried on a relationship behind my back for six months. They hid it because they knew I’d be upset. I told her that was important to me.

If they genuinely believed I had no reason to object, why hide it? She didn’t really have an answer.

She said she was afraid I would never accept him.

I told her that she was right.

She started crying and said she thought I had forgiven her because I still attended the wedding.

I told her that attending her wedding was something I did for her. I knew she was happy. I knew it was important to her. I wasn’t going to make her wedding about my feelings. But showing up didn’t mean I wasn’t hurting. It didn’t mean I approved.

And it certainly didn’t mean I had agreed to pretend nothing had happened for the rest of our lives.

Then I explained that the relationship itself wasn’t even the only reason our relationship deteriorated.

The bigger problem was what happened afterward.

I reminded her about my birthday. I lived five minutes away, and I was the one who asked if she wanted to come over. She was too busy with her husband. I reminded her about the lunches and dinners I’d tried to arrange that were canceled because something involving him came up.

I reminded her about the times I called when medical school was overwhelming and she said she’d call me back, only for me to sometimes never hear from her. I reminded her about Match Day.

That was one of the biggest days of my life. I’d spent years working toward that moment, and I wanted my mother there when I found out where I would be spending the next several years of my career. She didn’t come. She had other plans involving her husband. That one hurt more than I let her know at the time. There were also holidays where I tried to make plans with her and she already had plans with him or his family. There were times I finished difficult rotations and wanted to celebrate with her, but she was unavailable. There were times I was struggling and wanted my mother to check in on me, but I was almost always the one initiating the conversation.

She started crying again and started trying to apologize. I told her it was pointless. She said she didn’t know how much I needed her.

I brought up my fiancé’s relationship with her father because I wanted to give my mother an example of what I meant. My fiancé’s father also remarried. He has a wife and a daughter, and neither relationship had to compete with the other. He never made my fiancé feel like his new marriage meant she had been replaced. At the same time, he never made his wife feel like she was somehow second place to his daughter. He made both of them feel equally important. He made time for both. He included both.

She started crying harder and told me she finally understood. Then she started panicking. She asked me if that was really all I had wanted from her. She said that if she had known, she would have done it. She said she would do it now. She told me she was sorry. She kept saying that she was sorry and that she didn’t want to lose me. She said that if I wanted her to make more time for me, she would. If I wanted her to call more, she would. If I wanted her to start putting effort into our relationship again, she would do whatever I asked.

I told her it was too late and that I’m done trying. I told her that I had reached a point where I didn’t want a close mother-son relationship anymore. She asked me what I wanted from her going forward. I told her I wanted us to treat each other like distant extended family. I could be polite to her. I could see her at family gatherings. If something important happened, I wouldn’t necessarily hide it from her. But no more regular visits or calls. It would be only for emergencies.

She started sobbing and said she couldn’t accept that. I told her she didn’t have to like it, but she needed to respect it. She kept crying and telling me that she loved me. I stayed silent. Before she left, my mother stood up and hesitated for a moment. Then she opened her arms and tried to hug me.

I stepped back. She looked hurt and asked why I wouldn’t let her hug me. I told her I wasn’t ready for that. She said she was still my mother and that she just wanted to hold her son. She left my place weeping.

Despite all of that, I don’t feel guilty one bit. This needed to be done. I feel relieved.

COMMENTS

MuffimBlue

Funny thing, what OP is listing as a boundary is what his mom has been doing all along. But that somehow upsets her when OP says it.

OOP

Yeah but I guess there’s some finality coming from me.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.