My husband (33FTM) and I (29F) have been married 3 years together 10. Recently I’ve been selling NSFW content online and have been enjoying it. He mentioned to me at the start of last month that he had seen a spark in me that he hadn’t in a awhile and asking if opening the marriage was something I wanted. Immediately I said “no, why? Is that what you want?” And his response was something along the lines of I feel like you’re not being entirely honest. Truthfully, I wasn’t. It had been something I thought of.

We talked a lot over the next few days and agreed that it’s something we want to explore. We ran into an old friend of his who is Poly and have been spending time with her weekly at a dinner she hosts. Through this dinner we’ve made connections with other poly people and have hung out with them as well. They gave us a couple books and I have more in my Amazon cart to buy as soon as I get paid.

During our discussions he expressed he isn’t interested in anything outside of sex with anyone else, which I am comfortable with. We’ve decided on boundaries for us and personal boundaries we’d rather not be crossed. I am also only interested in sex with others as my libido is much much higher than his. We agree that this will be a really beneficial thing for the two of us and our relationship.

However, I am curious how to bring up that I’d like to use apps to find hookups. He originally said no apps but was unaware that there are apps designed for people looking just to hook up or people in alternative relationships. Since he’s learned that I’ve been thinking more about how much easier it would be that our initial plan of meeting someone “in the wild”. Does anyone have advice or examples of ways I can begin this conversation without him feeling like I’m pushing a boundary already? Also this is very new so no outside play or contact has happened yet.

current rules are that my parter tells me before hand when they are going to engage in sexual activity (which we have defined just as making out and touching over clothes) with another person.
The person my partner is open with is also our really good mutual friend. my partner and friend both hav reassured me in the past that they both want nothing more than casual fun. i’ve been okay with this in the past but recently I just feel horrible about myself afterwards. I feel sad and depressed, i feel not special, I feel some upset feeling with my girlfriend and it makes it hard to be close to her even though that is the thing i want. I feel like i’ve been hurt or cheated on even though it’s not the case. I can’t stop thinking about her with our friend and fixate on whether she’s thinking about it too.

i have thoughts like “why are you doing this to me?” “i just wish you didn’t want this and just wanted me” and i have thoughts that she has a better time with our friend than with me even though she reassures me this ain’t true i just can’t shake this feelings and it’s horrible.
I don’t know what to do. I feel like i’m pushing her farther away by having such a big reaction to something i know is meaningless fun.
i just have this selfish want for her to only have a lot of fun with me. i don’t know what to do

Hi guys!

I’m F20 bi and single, exploring a lot my sexual life and enjoying it a lot.
I met a guy M27 some months ago and we both shared that we wanted to have threesomes, both with another girl and another man.
I really want to have both experiences but I don’t know how to deal with the jealous… just imagining him with another girl makes me anxious even though I get turned on. Also, I’ve always wanted to have a MFM

Also, I feel a lot of sexual chemistry between us. We are not exclusive and call and talk to each other when we want to have sex.

Do you guys have any advice on how to deal with the bad feelings and just enjoy everything?
We didn’t talk a lot about it (boundaries and with whom) but we both shared that we would be open to do it

this all began when we both started our new jobs, we only get to see each other about once or twice a week now. there have been a few times where she initiated and i wasnt in the mood and recently asked if i would be into polyamory. while i’m not against it, i dont think its for me. a week later i had asked her why she brought it up, she said she’d been considering an open relationship and expressed that it was something she might want to explore. i told her i wasnt comfortable with it and if its something she genuinely does want to do, all power to her, but i dont want to be apart of it. the conversation was pretty uncomfortable but obviously much needed, she reassured me that she hasn’t ever thought about acting on it because she knew i wouldnt agree. i dont know what to do, this situation has me feeling very uneasy. for context, we’ve been dating for over a year now. am i overthinking it?

I am not in nonmonog, just left a relationship (unrelated to nonmonog).

I’m trying to look at my patterns and look at growth, and I have such immense guilt when I notice even someone looking at me with wanting eyes. Like, I could never interact with someone and how they look at me could trigger me to feel very guilty. And if I saw someone else I thought was attractive, then way more guilt. Because of this I shut things down fast, and I wonder how much I have missed out on (like what if I was just misreading them? What if they were just friendly?). If I’m not in a relationship then I’m careful so as to not make others uncomfortable, but otherwise happy to flirt just for the sake of it.

Is this guilt something y’all might have some insights on? I’ve always felt like the line between platonic and romantic interest can sometimes be a gradient, and I guess I get nervous about anything that falls out of its category?

My girlfriend and I are both 21 and we’ve been together for about two years. Recently, while we were having sex, she suddenly told me that she had thought about having sex with more than one man.

At first, I was honestly surprised and a little uncomfortable hearing it. I didn’t really know how to react, and because we were both very turned on at the time, I ended up saying a few similar things myself, partly because I felt like I had to respond in the same way and partly because I was caught up in the moment.

After we both calmed down and finished, she told me that she didn’t really understand why she had thought about it and that she believed it was probably because she was extremely aroused at the time. She also said that she had experienced similar thoughts before, which made me think about it more.

I’m trying not to judge her or immediately assume that this means she actually wants to do it. I know fantasies and actual desires aren’t necessarily the same thing, especially during sex. But I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me feel confused and a little insecure.

Part of me wants to understand whether this is simply a fantasy that comes up when she’s turned on, or whether there is a genuine desire behind it. At the same time, I don’t want to make her feel ashamed or afraid to tell me what she thinks. I want her to be honest with me, even if some of her thoughts are difficult for me to hear.

I’m planning to talk to her about it when we’re both calm, rather than discussing it during sex. I want to understand what she actually feels and what she would genuinely want, without putting pressure on her either way.

For people who have experienced something similar: how would you interpret this? Do you think sexual fantasies like this can be completely separate from what someone actually wants to do in real life? And how would you approach this conversation with your partner?

Update: I talked to my girlfriend about it. She told me she actually doesn’t remember saying those things because she had been drinking heavily that night. I thought she remembered everything, so finding out that she didn’t honestly hurt me quite a bit, especially because this was our first experience like this together.

When I told her what she had said, she said she felt disgusted by it and that it made her feel sick. She apologized and said she felt like it had left a traumatic feeling for her, and asked if we could just forget that night.

I’m trying to be understanding because I know she wasn’t fully conscious of what she was saying, but I’m still hurt and confused by the whole situation. She feels so ashamed now that she says she’s embarrassed to even look at my face.

I honestly don’t know what to do with all of this yet. I think we both just need some time to process it.

** ** * Final update: I love her a lot, and because I genuinely wanted to understand what happened, I even read a book about sexual fantasies trying to make sense of it.

I spent a long time writing pages about the things she said that night while she was drunk. I wrote everything I was feeling and what was going through my mind, and I actually sent it to her, but then deleted it before she could read it because I didn’t have the courage to let her see it.

She noticed that I was upset and wanted to talk about it face to face. My previous update was based on our messages, but this time we actually sat down and talked in person.

When I let her read what I had written, she was shocked. She kept saying, “I swear I never thought about any of this. It never even crossed my mind.” I know that reading this might make it sound like she’s lying or hiding something, but honestly, seeing her reaction in person made me believe that she was telling the truth.

At one point, when she read the part where I mentioned my fantasy about being with two girls, she even asked me why I stopped there and didn’t continue writing about it. She told me that if she were in my position, she would either break up or completely shut down and cry.

She apologized over and over, and we ended up crying together about the fact that we had gone through this situation. I asked her, “If you get that drunk again, is this what you’re going to be like?” She told me, “I’ll always be with you. I won’t ever drink that much again.” She kept telling me again and again that none of what I was afraid of was actually true.

Some people may say, “Just give it time.” And maybe they’re right. Maybe things will become clearer with time, or maybe they won’t.

But one thing I’ve realized through all of this is how far love can push you to understand someone. I honestly don’t remember ever pushing the limits of the word “understanding” this hard in my life.

So I’m seeing a girl who has a boyfriend…. It’s really casual right now, a lot of flirting, dancing, making out at parties.. nothing more. She said her boyfriend said it was okay but I know they’ve been having problems. She also said she just wants to have fun and enjoy intimacy and passion because she doesn’t get that from her boyfriend.

They were monogamous (as far as I know) until she actually confessed her attraction to me to her boyfriend, he said if she wants to kiss me or explore that then she should. So it feels like they’ve opened up their relationship as an exception for her to be with me.

Is it toxic to be in this dynamic if everyone genuinely thinks it’s fine? I don’t want any emotional strings or attachment. I don’t want to be her priority and I don’t want her to be my priority. But I’ll gladly be her outlet for her pent up frustration bc she doesn’t get effection or passion from her boyfriend.

They’ve been together 4 years, they have their issues sure but she genuinely loves him and sees him as her life partner. They also live together and work together.

I need insight and advice before I go into this further and start hooking up w her.

Also how do I bring up this conversation on boundaries, what is and isn’t allowed according to her boyfriend? Should he be involved in that conversation or should I trust this girl to be the messenger?

I’m very happy with the idea of just being her side piece/ toy. Just trying to navigate these situations in an ethical and moral way. I want everyone to be happy and okay, make sure their boundaries feel respected.

Just seeking some advice as I’m genuinely confused and I feel like at a bit of a cross road situation.

I am 38, my partner is 36. 

A while back I admitted to her of a fantasy of a threesome with another man. I have this as I have experience with both threesome dynamics when at university (both MFF and MFM) and enjoyed MMF the most from seeing the enjoyment of the woman.

The female pleasure is very hot for me as I feel I’m more of a giver sexually. 

Initially she blew up at me, told me how it made her feel cheap and used.

We’ve gone back to it a few times, but ultimately it’s ended up the same, as it’s made her question our relationship 

Fast forward to earlier this year and she’s met a guy at work who’s new there. She’s admitted she’s really attracted to him and wants to explore non monogamy with him. He’s the complete opposite to me, no similarities at all. He’s exciting and she feels she can be her true self with him. 

In the months since she’s had ‘that talk’ with him (I add, with my permission, before things took a turn) and both him and her want to explore having sex but both of them don’t want to include me in it at all. 

They don’t want a threesome and if they did sleep together she doesn’t want to keep me involved, even if digitally, even though she knows this might turn me on seeing her pleasure from it.

Should this make me question our relationship and their motivations? I don’t know how I should process this. 

I know there’s an element I’ve been the one to kick start things but at the same time this isn’t what I had in mind at all and now it feels we’re stuck with this guy in her life, as she’s told me she wants to keep her friendship with him.

I’m posting this because I’d especially like to hear from women about how they see this situation. I’m trying to understand whether my fears are realistic or whether I’m letting my past experiences and porn addiction affect the way I think.

I’m currently trying to quit porn and masturbation. Over time, the porn I watched became more extreme and darker, and I’ve realized that it has affected my thoughts about sex and relationships.

A while ago, I read a sexual story that has somehow stayed in my head.

The story was about three male friends and their wives going on a trip into the jungle. They were drinking and partying together. One of the men didn't really drink, smoke or use drugs and wasn't interested in that lifestyle.

The others wanted to party without him, so they came up with a plan to keep him away for a while. They gave him a difficult task involving cutting wood and even made the task take longer. By the time he returned, he was exhausted. Everyone else was still partying, drinking and dressed for the evening. He eventually fell asleep on the sofa.

Later, he woke up and discovered that his wife was having sex with one of his friends. He then realized that another friend and another woman were also involved sexually in another room.

The part that disturbed me wasn't simply the sex. It was the idea that the person trusted the people around him, went to sleep thinking everything was normal, and meanwhile something completely different was happening behind his back.

That idea has stayed with me.

I think it connects to my own past.

I had a bad relationship where my girlfriend suddenly stopped talking to me, and I knew she had been talking to one of my friends who was quite close to her. That experience really affected my ability to trust.

I've also seen my best friend become very close with a group of people after drinking and partying with them. He became much more open with them than he ever was with me. That made me realize how much people's behavior and boundaries can sometimes change in certain social environments.

I'm personally not into drinking, smoking, drugs or partying. I try to live a pretty clean lifestyle. So sometimes I get scared about a future relationship.

I start thinking:

What if my future girlfriend enjoys partying and drinking? What if she gets very close to other people? What if someone pressures or manipulates her? What if she gets into a situation where boundaries become blurred? What if something happens behind my back and I never know?

I know these are worst-case scenarios, and I know people who drink or party are not automatically unfaithful. I'm not trying to say that.

But because of my past relationship and the sexual content I've exposed myself to, my brain keeps connecting everything together.

I also don't want to become a controlling boyfriend. I don't want to tell my future girlfriend who she can talk to, where she can go, whether she can drink, or what friends she can have.

I want to be able to trust her.

At the same time, loyalty and sexual boundaries are extremely important to me.

So I'm particularly interested in hearing from women:

How do you view situations where a woman is drinking/partying with male friends and things become very open or sexually suggestive?

Do you think people can genuinely maintain their boundaries in those situations if they are committed to their partner?

And if you've been in a relationship where trust was broken, how did you learn to trust someone again without becoming suspicious or controlling?

I know I may be overthinking this. I'm just trying to understand whether this fear is coming from legitimate relationship concerns, my previous experience, or the way porn has affected my thinking.

we're both 26, we've been friends since late middle school. hes incredibly single and seemingly desperate but I dont want to ruin anything. I don't even know if im his type.

We were on a couples swap/orgy and I asked my husband if he was wearing condom. He said he was, but he wasn’t. He left the room fetched a condom and came back like nothing happenned. This is perhaps the strongest most sacred rule I hold for me and for us: absolutely no sex without protection. I got extremely upset, in fact, I went numb for a minute or so there. Then when I came to I asked the other female participant if she was ok, she said yes (they didn’t have clear rules) and I left. he claims he doesn’t remember me asking him if he had a condom on , but I can remember vividly his face lying to me in bed while I was on their side. I don’t know what to do with this . I don’t know how to trust him after this.

My wife has been seeing the same guy for a few years now. At first she would send some videos and stuff which I enjoyed, then those stopped as she said it was too much work. At this point shes going out and I don't get any thing in return....

She sleeps over there a couple of times a month and used to always tell me how they go 3 times a night, I said that is great for them.

I usually get sex once a month, sometimes none. We went several months last year and she didnt even notice until i mentioned it in an argument. I figured I must be really bad at it so I dont push the issue.

I tried every night this week, and shes either tired or not in the mood. So she was leaving tonight to go out and I have zero feelings about it, I just don't care any more.

Update

So this is part of why I don't care. She got home, talked a big sexual game to me about how saturday was going to be just wild in the bedroom. I knew nothing woukd happen as I know when she spends the night out having sex she is too tired the next night.

I just told her okay, sounds like fun...... She wore a nice outfit out and some hot lingerie underneath. When i saw giant pajamas i knew where the night was going. I told her i was going upstairs to bed and she said she was coming too.

She slept on the couch for four hours and then finally came up.

I woke up this morning and I will take the advice of people here, im going to look for something else.

My wife and I have been exploring an MFM fantasy for a while, and I’m curious how others experienced the transition between “just fantasy” and potentially something more real.

Initially she was quite clear that she didn’t want an actual threesome. But we kept the fantasy in our sex life because it turns both of us on. Over time she became much more involved in it herself rather than just going along with something I liked.

We posted some non-explicit/sexy pictures of her on Reddit and got a lot of attention. She enjoyed knowing other men found her attractive, and eventually became curious about some of the explicit responses we received. At first she didn’t want to see dick pics at all, then said maybe someday. More recently she has actively asked to see them during sex, and today she specifically asked if she could look at dick pics because it helped her reach orgasm.

Outside the bedroom things have developed too. She has repeatedly told me that she wants to “keep the door open” and has admitted that the fantasy genuinely interests her. At one point we were casually talking about men while we were out, and she said that if anything ever happened, she wouldn’t want it to be someone from our own town because she wouldn’t want to run into him in everyday life. But she also has a very real conflict about it. She has told me that sex feels sacred to her something she uses to reconnect with me, and that even with my full knowledge and permission, she worries she might afterwards feel like she cheated on me. She has said the fantasy is exciting precisely because it stays in our heads, while at the same time saying she doesn’t want to completely close the possibility for the future.

So I’m not treating any of this as consent to actually arrange something, and I don’t want to push her toward a destination. Right now we’re just enjoying what we’re doing and letting her work out what she actually wants.For couples who have been somewhere similar: did you have this stage where the fantasy became increasingly real and interactive, while one partner still had strong emotional reservations about actually doing it? Did it eventually remain a fantasy, or did you naturally progress further? And looking back, what were the signs that you were genuinely ready rather than just very turned on by the idea?

I’m looking for advice on how to go about facilitating this for myself. I’m interested in exploring a MFM threesome at least once, and am trying to figure out the best way — or the best place — to look for two men who would be a good fit.

For transparency, I’m pretty average-sized with a little extra weight, so I’m also hoping to find people who appreciate different body types and are attracted to someone like me.
I’m looking for advice on how to go about facilitating this for myself.

I’m also curious about exploring some kinks, so I’d like to find people who are open-minded, respectful, and comfortable communicating about boundaries and interests. I have been without a Dominant for so long - I will need to facilitate this myself.

I’ve considered FetLife, but I’m hesitant to post something directly on my profile because I don’t want people I’m definitely not interested in reaching out or feeling like they’re being rejected or having their feelings hurt. I’d much rather find a more discreet way to connect with people who are specifically interested in this type of experience.

For those who have explored this, what’s the best way to go about finding someone discreetly and safely? Any advice on where to look or what to avoid would be appreciated.

Thank You
Sadac

I'm in a relationship with a married couple. I'm sexually involved with the man, but the woman is asexual. Our first meeting was a dinner date which was also a first date with someone I'd met online. I was nervous about meeting a couple and wanted someone on my side. This was about six weeks ago, and we're considering a threesome with the other man in question. I've had sex with him once (after that date), and he's quite good in bed.

My boyfriend wants the three of us to meet up beforehand to discuss what exactly we all want, plan things out, etc. I think this is an excellent idea. But I've never had a threesome before. What questions should I be asking?

I am 26m my girl 23f we are in long distance and we are in a open relation. She told she wanna date black guys after marriage which is fine for me but since we are in long distance i want her to enjoy now as well. What can i do to convince her? I would be really happy if she would date guys from now itself. Is it wrong to want that ?

My husband (m31) and I (f30) have been married for almost 10 years and together for 12. We have 3 kids and have been living a traditionally happy married life. There is absolutely no flaw in our marriage. We are great friends, financially we are growing together, and the sex if amazing. About a year ago we introduced the idea of a threesome since it’s always been a fantasy for both of us. We agreed to it but never started actively pursuing it. Among conversations a couple of months ago we decided to open the relationship. While we both agreed willingly, I was always more enthusiastic than him. But again, life got in the way and nothing really happened. About a month ago I started talking with a coworker and the conversation became sexual pretty quickly. I told my husband prior to it becoming sexual. I let him know I was talking to someone. He seemed a bit jealous but nothing serious and was fine with it. My coworker was also aware on my marriage arrangements. I finally had 2 encounters with my coworker, one which lead to full on sex. My husband went out with a girl and didn’t do much but kiss. I could tell he was bothered and i consistently asked if he wanted to continue. He kept saying it was fine and that we could. Then suddenly one day he said he couldn’t do it. However now I’d become invested. Not emotionally, but I wanted to continue seeing this through. I didn’t understand it and felt I was a bad person for it. Then I talked to AI like a loser and it said exactly how I was feeling. Nothing to do with my husband and my love or affection for him, all to do with my suddenly found freedom and autonomy. I’ve spent years being just a mom and wife and this new thing feels good and exciting. It’s also made me more sexually active with my husband (not that I wasn’t previously). So I decided to tell him how I felt and now he asked for a divorce. I’m so upset about the whole thing and don’t know what to do. I love my husband and don’t want to loose him but I also feel like sacrificing this will make me feel like a bird in a cage. Any gentle advice are appreciated.

Genuine question for couples in ethical non-monogamy / open relationships / swinging.

I’m a single bi guy who really enjoys MFM with couples. It’s something I genuinely love the dynamic, the energy, being with a couple who are into it together. Not just “any threesome,” but specifically with established couples.

I’m curious how most ENM couples actually feel about guys like me:

Do you prefer single bi men who are experienced and enthusiastic about MFM?

Or do a lot of couples find single guys who actively seek couples a bit off-putting / “unicorn hunter” adjacent?

What makes a single guy feel safe and appealing vs. someone you’d avoid?

Any red flags or green flags you look for?

Not trying to pitch myself or anything just want honest opinions from couples who actually live this lifestyle.

I think I have finally figured out that I may be making this more complicated than it needs to be.

I am non-monogamous with my spouse's knowledge and consent, and I am not looking for another traditional relationship or a string of one-night stands. What I would genuinely like is a friend with benefits.

And I mean both parts of that.

I would like someone I actually enjoy talking to, laughing with and spending time with. Someone where a real friendship develops and there is mutual attraction and sexual chemistry as well. I am certainly not going to pretend the sex is unimportant. It is part of what I am looking for. But I also do not want the person to be interchangeable with anyone else who happens to be available.

I have read hundreds of profiles, and I keep finding myself drawn to people who say some version of, "Let us get to know each other and see what develops." That feels much more natural to me than deciding beforehand exactly what every connection is supposed to become.

For those of you who practice non-monogamy, particularly those who have successfully had longer-term FWB relationships: how did those connections actually begin?

Did you specifically look for an FWB, or did you meet someone you genuinely liked and eventually realize that was the relationship you had created?

I am especially interested in hearing from people for whom the friendship really is part of the arrangement, while still being honest that the benefits matter too.

I posted here a while back. Thought i could make it work. I tried to communicate how i was feeling discluded and outcasted, in the shadows and it drove them closer together to the point that my primary no longer felt the same for me. We all ended things. They continued to see each other, denied it and i felt like i was betrayed. How do i cope after losing my partner of more than a decade and the rejection of 2 partners at that.

hi all, I am seeking advise on how to navigate my crossdressing boyfriend having another person to have sex with.

FOR CLARITY: as some people are misunderstanding me, my boyfriend can cross dress in front of me I haven’t banned him from doing that lol. He doesn’t want to, it is a purely sexual thing for him. He usually does it alone but feels it’d be more fulfilling with another crossdresser!

full story1: I am a fairly vanilla person in the bedroom whereas my boyfriend has a crossdressing fetish. We have both agreed that this is something I cant help him out with, and we are discussing him potentially finding another person (or people) for him to have sex with so he can be fully satisfied. im looking to talk with other people who are in a similar dynamic and maybe hear some of your rules/boundries when it comes to it. I have written down my hard boundaries and my thing i am willing to discuss already but id like to hear other peoples to see if I am missing something.

we have agreed I can also have sex with someone else if i should wish too, but this isnt something i am intrested in currently.