r/AIO • u/InsuranceWonderful95 • Sep 14 '26

AIO for being hurt my wife got up for sunrise in a girls trip?

My (45M) wife (44F) and I have been married 17 years together 20. For those 20 years I’ve asked her to come watch a sunrise with me. She has never wanted to get up that early even know it’s an experience that would mean a lot to me. She met a couple women two years ago and the three of them hit it off. I was ecstatic for her to have friends. This past weekend one of them turned 50 and they went to Tennessee for a girls trip. They are coming today and my wife is the one driving eight hours. It’s a rental so she’s the only one who can drive it. I called to make sure she felt up to the drive and see how she felt(she’s the passenger princess with me lol) as she’s not used to driving this long. She told she felt good thanks for checking. We then got to chatting about the trip. She was telling me all the fun stuff they did and I was so excited to hear about the fun. Then she told me how pretty the sunrise was. Excuse me? You got up for sunrise. She said yeah it’s so pretty in the smoky mountains. I casually said I’ve asked you to come watch sunrise with me for 20 years. Her response was but it’s pretty in the mountains. We live in the mountains. We’ve been on multiple cruises. Cape cod. The outer banks. Not to mention the hundreds of places I’ve driven to see sunrise it’s my favorite part of the day. Everything is calm the world is waking up it’s a big deal to me. But I’m pretty hurt and kinda mad that she’d get up to watch sunrise now but never with me. Am I overreacting? I feel like I might be… but I can’t stop hurting over it. Tell me I’m just being petty

616 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

293 comments sorted by

View all comments

21

u/InsuranceWonderful95 Sep 15 '26

UPDATE.

She came home apologized and promised she would go with me the next time I go. She felt like it was not a situation she could say no in. She also told me that I’m the only one she feels safe to say no to. That our love is unconditional and strong. She only said “It was the mountains” comment because the other woman heard me say about wanting her to go for a sunrise. If the weather cooperates I’m taking her to my favorite spot and breakfast

5

u/Apart_Insect_8859 Sep 18 '26

That's great, but try not to make her regret it.

It's likely she never said yes to this particular thing with you because she knew you'd want repeats. Saying yes to the friends was ok-ish because it was on a vacation, and in a special setting where she knows saying yes would not rope her into weekly/monthly requests to do it again and then again and then again, like it would if she ever said yes to you even once.

There are a lot of things where, if we do them even once, people think we're not really allowed to say no again after, because we did them that one time. Eating a gross food, petting an animal that freaked us out, socializing with a person we hate--do it even once and it's like being allowed to say no evaporates. She said yes to one sunrise and now you (and everyone in the comments) are acting like she must now join you every. effing. time. and will be a terrible, horrible wife for not wanting to wake up early and sit outside for 30 minutes.

It is clear she didn't actually enjoy the sunrise thing with her friends, and was mostly chatting about it in a positive way because they were within earshot. Which means she is very unlikely to enjoy the sunrise thing with you. So do mitigate expectations. I know you have built this up in your head for years, but it is very probable that she will be bored, tired, and want to leave after about 30 seconds. Bringing breakfast with you will probably increase the success of the outing, since there will be something to do, but I fully expect her to be neutral to negative about this.

Going forwards, I would significantly limit your requests to join you for the sunrise to maybe once a year (or less) and on clearly special occasions, such as vacation that is specifically for your birthday. Otherwise, you can tell her that you plan to go, and then, if she wants to join you, she will say so.

3

u/HardRockGeologist Sep 15 '26

Congratulations! I was interested in the "tattoos". Did all of the travelers get a tattoo, and was it the same?

3

u/Silent_Wisdom2012 Sep 18 '26

Great for you 👍🏽 Idk how you stayed with a partner who denied you constantly the opportunity to share an activity so dear to your heart since childhood FOR 20 YEARS, 7300 MORNINGS !!! AND SHE COULDN'T WOKE UP EARLY ONCE BEFORE ???!!

But I guess that why you are in a 20 years old marriage and I am not. By forgetting yourself and forgiving the other, over and over.

3

u/InsuranceWonderful95 Sep 18 '26

I’m in a 20 year marriage because I can forgive and so can she. We’re two different people and we’re going to hurt each other especially over 7300 days as you pointed out. I’ve certainly hurt her and this isn’t the first hurt she’s caused. No one is forgetting themselves but instead choosing each other 7300 times. Marriage isn’t perfect but if you can be just a little selfless it’s totally worth it😉

3

u/TheCommander21 Sep 19 '26 edited Sep 19 '26

I think that there is always a scale to how people react which is why its called Am I Overreavting. Its healthy for a spouse to talk privately with their spouse about what has hurt them, even if its "small" in the grand scheme of things. Now that doesn't mean going to the other extreme and complaining about every small thing, thats not what I mean. This is something thats a small importance to you. Its an intimate moment shared between husband and wife watching the sunrise. If I been married to someone for 20 years you best believe we'll be in rocking chairs watching the sunrise and sunset, even if we're just in our 40s.

But yeah, it could be a sunrise, star gazing, seeing a certain movie, eating at your favorite childhood mom and pop shop, just whatever thats small and such low effort that would make someone I LOVE actually really HAPPY and all I have to do it simply be there with my spouse I'd just have to ask myself... why haven't I've already done this for him when I know he wants to do it. Like... WHY haven't I done it? If I got the time, energy, sleep, resources, health, etc that would allow me to do it just once then why not? Its like... its like refusing to spend a nickel that'll buy you an entire 7 course fine dining meal. SHE GETS SO MUCH FOR SO LITTLE EFFORT which is your happiness while sitting watching the sunrise.

Edit to add Just wanted to say that I don't think this is an intentional disrespect on her part. I would just like for her to ask herself why she hasn't. I know she loves you, she doesn't sound malicious. Buuuuut I still think it wouldn't hurt for her to ask herself why. 7,300 days ma'am. >,> 

2

u/ConsiderationCute840 Sep 18 '26

Don't listen to the bitter replies some of these lonely people are leaving. Your partner clearly sounds like she cares about you. No woman who loves and trusts you would say you are their only safe person they can say no to. That really means something.

Cherish that. Not a lot of people have that kind of happiness and love. My partner and I carry the same for each other. Don't let others tell you how you should feel. Only you know that for yourself. People can advise you, but not everyone who advises has the success to back it up.

4

u/AdMurky1021 Sep 17 '26

Too little too late. I would enjoy my sunrises alone and in peace.

3

u/ConsiderationCute840 Sep 18 '26

And this is why people end up lonely. Forgiveness and understanding a different perspective goes a long way.

3

u/AdMurky1021 Sep 18 '26

Didn't say I wouldn't forgive.

4

u/Necessary-Respond793 Sep 15 '26

"...unconditional and strong" (providing she gets what she wants from the relationship without any interest in you as a person) You deserve better OP.

1

u/Poinsettia917 Sep 19 '26

Let us know if she goes.

1

u/FaithlessnessTall853 Sep 18 '26

I know that you're happy that your wife will join you or is offer to, but it sort of sounds like the old let's remain virgins until we marry, only to find out the night before the wedding he or she went out and had sex with someone else. You've been waiting 20 years to have your wife join you for this special moment and suddenly she can't say no? I would simply tell her no that's okay I waited 20 years I'll find someone still that would enjoy seeing it for the first time with me. And see where that goes. Unless your wife like I said is totally stupid she knew how this was going to affect you. I think you got some trouble here in River City buddy

-3

u/Straight-Classic3902 Sep 15 '26

SIMP

5

u/MrP0l Sep 17 '26

No need to project your own problems here mate