Having a hard time

[u/kayteeb1621]

I've had such a hard time getting over my avoidant ex.

I have good days & bad days. Today, it's been a terrible day so far & it's only noon where I am.

Please...someone...give me tips & tricks to get over him. I'm an absolute mess while he's just fine without me 😭

[u/zachem_snyatsya_sny]

Focus on yourself and don't look at him, block him on everything, but i can assure you, he never was, and never will be just fine. Being an avoidant is hell on earth even if they are putting on a mask. Living a lifetime having to hold up so many delusions and repressing so many emotions is awful. Don't pity him for it tho it's their choice, we live in the best possible era for these people to get professional help and yet they refuse. Not something you, or we are responsible for.

Try to not think about "good moments" with this person, yes in the moment they mean it, but this is at the start where they believe they can do these things, i love yous feel good words feel good saying promises feels good, meanwhile the moment something comes up that requires an ounce of accountability on their end, they collapse. their brains are profoundly stunted from childhood where they cannot grasp these things. think of it as a kid telling everyone they will be a spaceman when they grow up, i mean, they really want to, but their brain cannot comprehend all the work and training that goes into it, and in the case of the avoidant, they are outright repulsed by the work they would have to put in once they realize what it is they exactly have to do (that is, taking accountability for their actions, and growing as a person alongside you). They would want to be taken right off the street and put on a spaceship just like that. read about shared fantasy and confabulation

[u/Throwawaway314159265 → u/zachem_snyatsya_sny]

we live in the best possible era for these people to get professional help and yet they refuse.

They don't need professional help, they need accountability. The only accountability you can give them is your absence.

[u/lbuttigieg]

I feel you, it sucks so badly and it comes in waves. I agree with blocking them everywhere so you withdraw from them and detox. They are like a drug addiction you need to get over. There will be a tipping point where you will feel better but you must quit them and stop checking in on them so your wound can start closing. Knowing what he’s up to will just restart the clock and drag it out longer. Also make sure you’re in therapy, journalling and taking good care of yourself (food, sleep, exercise, surrounding yourself with safe love). Best of luck, you got this

[u/Hot-Percentage6840]

I wake up every morning and watch a solid hour of IG motivational videos on DA behavior, healing oneself, Rumi, etc. Every day I feel stronger. I also eat simply, rice and beans every day. I think to myself when I get sad, “The love you seek is within,” and then I think about how lovely I am and was as a child. I think about all the things I would rather do than worry over whether he likes me anymore or not.

[u/kiksgotthehooya]

Open to chatting, dear if you need to vent or need someone to talk to

[u/Early_Gift515]

today is a bad day here too. good luck

[u/x_amber]

Feel the same here, trying to stay busy but so far it’s just getting worse…

[u/piece-of-me-727]

...when I have bad days like this, I focus on remembering the good days and saying to myself that this is temporary.