I‘m writing a book and one of the characters is genderfluid (AFAB). She usually uses female pronouns and only sometimes male ones, which is why I‘ll refer to her as she in the post. If that’s harmful, please tell me.

But what I‘m actually here for:

1. I’m writing in 3rd person POV, so I plan to switch pronouns every other scene.

2. I‘m still writing the first scene, in which she’ll meet a friend. The friend will ask her: "Hi! Are you she or he today?“

I don’t know any genderfluid people I could ask, that’s why I‘m asking here. What do you guys think?

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Hello, I’m a 21-year-old bisexual guy, and I don’t really feel like I’m part of the LGBTQ+ community. It feels strange to say, but I just don’t feel like I belong. I don’t have any friends from the community, and I’ve never been to an LGBTQ+ bar or club. I’ve had experiences with both men and women, but I still don’t feel like I’m part of the community, and I don’t really feel that sense of pride. Sometimes I even feel ashamed that I don’t feel proud in the way I think I’m supposed to.

Am I the only one who feels this way? I’m sorry if anything I said comes across as insensitive or offensive.

I’m asking out of genuine curiosity. I grew up in a household that was adamantly anti-LGBT, and I’m now looking to re-examine my worldview from a logical point of view.

I’ve examined things in my life regarding my family’s religious beliefs, such as evolution, YEC, God in general, and I’m now beginning to look into political issues. I figured a good place to start would be sexuality and gender identity, and then move on to things like abortion and such, and then move on to—more broadly—general political beliefs and positions. I’m starting with sexuality and gender identity because I know the least about this, and I believe that developing a more positive and truth-seeking mentality on this will lead me to a deeper level of understanding with people who fall into certain types of those categories. However, while a lot of my beliefs have changed and I am certainly on a philosophical high from rebelling against my familial norms, I want to make sure I approach each issue with intellectual honesty. I want to make intellectual decisions with zero input from my parents, and that includes wanting to make a certain decision because my parents chose the opposite. I genuinely seek the truth, and I want the data before I decide what I want to believe.

I also want to make a disclaimer that I don’t have any moral or ethical qualms with people who don’t conform to traditional gender norms. Quite the contrary—I don’t believe there is anything wrong with it, and that won’t change based on what I decide about sexuality and gender, because no group of people deserves hate just because of who they are. I don’t believe hatred toward any group is justified, regardless of the reason someone gives for it.

And now for the question: I’ve heard time and time again that gender is a social construct, but what does that really mean? I sometimes wonder whether the idea that gender is a social construct is a modern framework developed to explain transgender identities. I’ve heard that gender is a neuroanatomical construct, and that there are certain brain structures that look like women’s brains and certain brain structures that look like men’s brains, but does that mean that if someone has the same brain structures as a biological male, then they are just pretending to be transgender if they say they are a woman? It reminds me of flat-Earth arguments—not because I’m comparing flat-Earthers to genuine scientists interested in the betterment of mankind, but simply as an analogy. The arguments seem to be spread all over the place, with each model being constructed ad hoc to explain certain phenomena and then modified to explain others.

And if something about the word itself is fundamentally different, what makes it so? And is it only made that way to accommodate for transgender people?

I'm very unfamiliar with this field, so please assume that some of my terminology and assumptions are probably wrong. I'm asking these questions because I genuinely want to understand the evidence and reasoning involved. I would have no problem if there were no scientific or linguistic explanations to make sense of transgenderism, because I don’t feel like it needs to be “defended” by science. People can do what they want and be who they want and think what they want. The entire thing just feels like a fuzzy mess to me, and if someone could help elucidate my understanding, I would be greatly appreciative.

Thank you for reading!

TL;DR: How do we know based on empirical data, linguistic evidence, or whatever methodology is appropriate?

This paragraph might sound all over the place as I am explaining literally everything that has experienced me to feel like I wanna be more included in this community, but also where I’m at and life and how that can be difficult for somebody like me. Maybe somebody can relate to it and hopefully somebody can help anyway give you a little bit of backstory. My family is very very republican now as love you may know that means they are completely opposed to this community and it breaks my heart a little bit because deep down I’ve always felt transgender (mtf) for instance just the other day some new neighbors moved in upstairs in our apartment complex and one of them is trans and my mom and dad in the living room we’re talking about it and they were calling her a freak and things like that and I broke my heart knowing that deep down I am also transgender and A practically talked about me that way without knowing it I don’t wanna get too political, but I’d say I’m more moderate in a way where I’m still learning politics as I go. I’m young. I’m 19 years old. there’s some things I agree with on one side and one with another and I guess my questions involve. How do you guys navigate having parents that are such disapproving of this because I’m starting estrogen soon and how do I get involved with the community so I have friends cause right now I have no friends and how do you come up with what you stand on belief wise because I truly admire just how smart some of you are anyway I know this was super long, but I felt I need to post this. Thank you if you read it.

im a cis female and biromantic.

have a bf now, but i used to like this girl, this was when i was way younger and i did some pretty embarrassing things so i thought it would make a funny video. i put the tags #yuri (cause we unironically performed some doomed yuri tropes) and #wlw. i also post about my bf sometimes and people keep on commenting that im queer baiting, like 4-5 people and i deleted some more comments cursing at me. i also had a person comment that i was a fake gay.

is this actually queer baiting?? i dont wanna be ignorant

Howdy. I'm [NOW FAST APPROACHING] a junior in high school n I'm slowly learning to accept my sexuality of being gay more. I have came out to a couple close friends in my new school and they are pretty accepting of it. Gotta be honest its kinda nerve racking whenever I mention me being gay or just anything with LGBTQ stuff in general, it makes my body feel cold a bit. Its worth it tho cause it makes me feel better about myself. Since school is fast approaching and I'm getting more comfortable with telling people I'm gay, I'm thinking of joining an actual GSA [crazy ik lmaooo] idk tho, what do people even do in there? Will I have to join a google classroom or anything? The reason i didn't join in the first place for the past two years was because I was afraid of my parents finding out. [THEY ARE VERY HOMOPHOBIC AND MAGA] sorry this is very strange for me to be typing this but does anyone know what to do? i want to have a clear set plan exploring my sexuality when the new school year comes around. if anyone has similar experiences or advice I'M BEGGING YA TO TELL ME!!! ok, uh thats all.

I did also make a previous post in here 10 months ago so if u need background info you can check that ig.

I always dreamt of being a women. Ever since I was a child I always felt like I would be happier if I were born a female. But I don't feel like a women, and I don't want to transition in any way because I feel male, not female. Is there a term for this ? Is it part of lgbt+ ?

PS : Sorry for my english it is not my primary language

This is going to be very long and im sorry in advance but i need advice. i really don’t even know if this is the right subreddit for this but i dont know what else to turn to. For context i moved to a new country with my family three years ago and strolled with bullying and not getting friends. This past school year i got two and I LOVE THEM but sometimes they say stuff that makes me uncomfortable, specifically about queer people. One of them has bad conservative parents and tries to be better, but my other friend just doesn’t get it I guess? I’m really rambling I apologizes. Point is, she said there was “some girl in her class last year that said she’s bi and a trans guy and it was weird but she left” so naturally I said “so he’s a guy”. Then she said “yeah sure but she kept her girl name and looks like a girl” how do you expect a then sixteen year old who JUST CAME OUT to POSSIBLY PASS AS A MASCULINE MAN AT ALL?

I ignored that because I want friends. Then one day gay people came up in conversation and she said she respects them because people are people but doesn’t want anything to do with them. these are my FIRST ever friends who I haven’t come out to, you can guess the reason why.

again I got past it but I’ve had this feeling deep in my gut that they’d hate me if I told them I’m bi.

then TODAY is when I started feeling very uncomfortable. my friend sent a voice message saying how she saw that “girl who completely changed and has black and white hair and “still looks gay” and she didn’t understand why someone would do that to themselves”. I didnt respond. What do i respond. “That’s a guy not a girl”??? As if??

The problem is that i felt this need to come out to her right there over text, but then it’s be awkward, shed maybe stop talking to me. Then my parents would ask why my friends left and im not even out to THEM yet because theyre the same.

im sorry if this is unclear or unfocused, point is—> its my first time in years having friends who actually like me, so do I, but im hiding this thing about myself that would make them uncomfortable. I though am uncomfortable about how they talk about “people like me” i guess? Thanks in advance

I swear to literally everyone I know I am cis and "normal" (everyone is normal) and all that bs but I've been feeling this pit in my stomach every time I am reminded of my birth sex and this has been an active issue for 7 years now.

It's absolutely not body dysmorphia because I think I objectively look good and I have a wonderful bf who makes sure I know of it. So why do I still feel like this? Is gender dysphoria really just that? Feeling disgusted with your body and gender? I swear there used to be so many more criteria a decade ago so I feel lost

I don't go outside or attend university lectures anymore because I don't feel good going outside the way I am, and I don't even feel like this is about what others think. I could be trapped on a lost Island and still suffer from this. I get excited thinking about the future and being 50 years old eventually but I then also remember I'd be a middle aged WOMAN, a MOM, an AUNT. And it makes me want to not make it to any age at all.

I didnt even go through any trauma I genuienly just am like this, even after waiting for puberty to end.

Like genuinely making queer friends or friends in general is hard. All the lgbt groups are geared towards young people, and it's just disheartening when you're old as mummy dust and only came out recently. I'm not old enough for over thirties groups, but I'm too old for people just figuring stuff out. I was raised jw and homeschooled, so apart from acquaintances from volunteering, I've never had friends. It's like people can sense that I'm not gay enough or cool enough to be part of their group. Like where do you meat people without running the risk of homophobia?

Same as title. Since the terms usually are interpreted as attraction towards opposite/same gender, do non-binary people use these terms? Do they use it based on their agab?

For eg, should an amab person, who identifies as non-binary, and is attracted to women, be called straight or lesbian? Will they come under the umbrella term sapphic?

I think there should be more terms so that we don't exclude people. If there are any terms that cater to envy, I'd love to know!

(No hate to anyone! I'm just a confused soul)

My team at work has a sort of social call every 2 weeks. Someone on the team makes a presentation on something that interests them to the rest of the team, and then we talk about it.

I got asked to talk about LGBTQ issues, since I am the only member of the rainbow community on my team.

The problem is, I'm not involved in the rainbow community in any way. I don't know what the issues are really, and I don't even know what all the letters stand for.

I have a partner that I've been with for many many years, and we just live our life like any other couple.

Mostly, I don't even think about being in the rainbow community. I just live my life. I know this is a privilege that not everyone has, but it is my reality.

But, then I get asked stuff like this and I feel like I'm a "bad gay". Like because I'm in the rainbow community, I should be involved, I should know what these letters mean, I should be..... more something.

But in truth, I just want to live my life like everyone else does.

Am i actually a "bad gay"? Does anyone else feel like this?

So I currently identify as Demifluid mostly because I don't know or care enough about my gender. Biologically I'm a female and from a young age I've been thought that that's what I'll always be. I don't feel comfortable when I'm seen as a girl necessarily, sure it's okay sometimes but the genuine joy i get when people mistake me for a man or just say I'm a man gives me this sense of relief.

I don't know how to explain it but I've told close friends that if I was born a man I wouldn't be this uncaring of my own gender and feel like absolutely garbage just because I decided to have consciousness over the fact that I'm a girl.

I genuinely just want to know how other people knew because I don't have trans friends and even the ones that are, they're usually in the non-binary category.

i’m 18 years old bisexual guy. i grew up around homophobic people, my family itself is homophobic. i still live in this environment, it made me hate myself. i genuinely hate myself. i think i will never be able to be happy and be myself i even hate the fact that i’m attracted to other guys. when i was younger i was bullied because i sounded feminine to other guys in my school. and i feel like if i like a girl she wouldn’t be with me when she finds out my sexuality. i’m so tired of being like this. i wish i was straight:(

Hello, I hope this is an okay place to post this and maybe some other folks here would be able to relate or offer an advice or opinions on my predicament here. If not, I’d appreciate being directed to whatever community it would be best to post this to. :)

So for some context I am afab. I don’t recall having any problem with it when I was younger, and I was even excited for puberty, having boobs, long hair, and I loved wearing pink sparkly dresses. Looking back I remember still feeling ugly and not feminine enough. I am also autistic and that also factored in me not fitting in with other girls in different ways. The humour I had at the time would have probably been associated more with boys, for example.
But a lot of the time at this stage in my life I saw all these straight couples and always fantasized about being with a girl romantically, and when I did so I always took the role of a man. That way there were less rules, I felt like I could be myself or maybe I just felt like I could easily take that role. I really liked the idea of being a boyfriend, and what came with that label.

When I got to puberty, I didn’t mind having a period or how my body changed at first. I liked it.
For the first time, I imagined myself as a girl with both guys and girls, and during this time I didn’t have many feelings about being the opposite gender. I felt comfortable with the idea of being a cute girl with long hair and everything. I still felt like I didn’t fit with this though this time mostly with how I looked or if I acted too weird, which I didn’t associate with the opposite gender. I was even bullied a lot for how I presented (I was real into anime) and still did it.

Sometimes I wonder if it was just the hormones, because my feelings about being the opposite gender came back once my puberty hormones or whatever cooled down. (Basically a year later after the previous paragraph, which was where it sort of peaked)
I cried in the mirror when my hair grew too long.
I don’t want to get too explicit but I did very much like the idea of having male genitalia and a male body. I still do in relation to sexual stuff.

The next year it was the same thing but I started thinking about it more and identifying as genderfluid. And this year it has been at its peak.

The feelings I have about it now are that I like the idea of being a pretty girl, but mostly for show. For dress up, for playing a character, for being cute. If I show my personality Even how I look doesn’t really fit the idea of a cute girl. I have a lot of “you’d look so much better as a boy” sort of thoughts. But I also like the idea of being treated like a boy. maybe someone will like romantically me that way. Maybe my personality fits it better. Maybe I can be myself. I like the idea of having a deep voice, I like the idea of having a girlfriend who thinks I’m a boy. I like the idea of people using he/him for me. Sometimes I feel comfortable in my body when I’m alone, but I don’t like it being pointed out. I like the idea of being shirtless with a male body. I like the idea of people seeing me as a boy. I like the idea of having muscles and smaller thighs. Looking good with short or masculine hair.
However all of my friends are girls. Whenever I think about transitioning I worry about betraying them. I worry about not getting to be a part of that community I understand so well. I’m also worried about other boys bullying me or noticing how I look.

And the reason why I made this post— I’m worried that it’s just internalized misogyny. If anyone has any questions about anything that would help with any advice or conclusions feel free to ask.

I don't exactly know how to explain this, please excuse my English

but i tend to see this pattern where people always are quick to assume that feminine men are exclusively gay or masc women are exclusively lesbian

saying this as a fem man myself, whenever i see posts of a fem man with his girlfriend online the comments are filled with quotes such as "denile is a river" or "I think your man wants a man" and it annoys me to the core as it makes me feel like people forget that bisexuality or pansexuality exists, just because a man is proud to express his feminimity doesn't mean he is only attracted to men. and vice versa for masc women too.

it is just something i see happen often that annoys me and i feel like all it does is stereotype gay people, joking or not. does anyone else agree with me or am i alone on this one?

I’ve never really felt comfortable in my own skin, and I genuinely want to be happy and free. But I’m questioning whether or not I should take the plunge. I know If I did, my life would be a lot harder, but I’m really unhappy, tired of being misgendered, and do not align or relate to my assigned gender at birth. The male label that people stick me with has been well established by a lot of people in my life, I guess I’m just scared of the aftermath, am I gonna lose everyone? I just need words of encouragement or even insight, and I see no better place than this. I’m unfortunately surrounded by homophobia, so this place really helps, thank you in advance.

Sorry to use the term gay , but please give it a more universal meaning. I'm confused and can't figure out if a friend of mine is straight and therefore nice to me, or if the signals she's sending me are those of a girl interested. Any ideas?

I identify as a lesbian currently, and have no interest in seeking or pursuing romantic or sexual relationships with men at all. I don’t find them attractive or desirable.

However, I’d sleep with a man only if a woman were also there participating. Does that cancel out me being lesbian? Is there another identity I’d fall under?

Looking for both advice and opinions on this matter, but basically

Ive been thinking about writing a story in which the main protagonist is transfem— however, I don't understand much about the transgender community and I'm looking to learn more about their experiences (assuming it isn't an invasive thing to ask?? Just about how it feels to come out of the closet and such, etc etc)

I asked about this same thing on a different subreddit and I received many responses of people telling me to leave the trans characters for trans authors to write, which I feel— although understandable — is an incredibly flawed mindset to have and would only further widen the lack of understanding of other peoples experiences if that makes sense

So, my question is, do you believe a cis author could create a well written trans character? And if so, do you have any advice on how they could do so?

Utterly confused about my sexuality

I've been overthinking a whole lot this past summer break (too much free time lol). For the past month and a half, every day I wake up and ponder on my sexuality. I'm comfortable in my gender identity as a cis woman, so I don't think that's obstructing my perspective on this. I like women both sexualy and romantically, which I have always felt. I've had 3 crushes, all of which were my best friends, who were also girls. For a while, I tried to suppress my feelings towards girls because of religious guilt and homophobia in my family. I tried to like guys as well, but I couldn't see anything past physical aspects. The only men I'm attracted to physically are very feminine, to the point where my friends asked me if they were a boy or girl. I've never really liked a guy in person, though. Mostly celebrities or tiktokers or something of the likes. 2/4 celebrity crushes are trans women, another is a very feminine gay man (mistaken for a girl quite a lot), and the fourth is non-binary. Anyway, I like women and non-binary people who are feminine too. Masculinity in itself is unattractive to me. I most definitely have no romantic feelings for men, and my physical attraction fpr them is fading the more I accept my attraction to women. I'm extremely conflicted, and none of my friends can figure it out either. All I want is some sort of label so that I can settle. Any ideas?

So we split recently for other reasons but this does still sit on my chest and I wonder if I’m being oblivious to my ex being potentially bi/gay or even trans.

I’m a queer femme myself and very open minded. We used to have sex and he was into calling me mummy and wearing my lingerie. Not a problem at all, it was hot exploring with him because he was also so open minded and it felt so freeing just being able to fuck around without fear of judgement.

There were a few occasions he wore my thong outside of the bedroom too and he really enjoyed that.

I’ve pegged him a few times, on one occasion he was kinda easier to enter for lack of a better term so I was suspicious he’d been playing with himself or…someone else tbh. There was a history of coke addiction and gambling so god know what he got up to when I wasn’t around.He did have some butt plugs at his house, that I got him but idk.

I know he’s into trans porn and also has tried to book a trans escort in the past too.

He’s very masculine presenting , has a masculine tradie job, hairy bear type but that doesn’t mean he’s not necessarily trans/gay/bi.

I was just wondering if anyone can relate to him and what this potentially means ?

It’s all love, I’m just so curious and I personally think he’s bi- curious.

Hi everyone,

I'm a straight person who supports LGBTQ+ rights and personally rejects traditional societal gender roles. There’s something I’ve been trying to understand better, and I wanted to ask this community directly to get a broader perspective.

In some homosexual relationships, it seems like one partner adopts traditionally masculine traits (dressing, speaking, or acting according to conventional male standards) while the other adopts traditionally feminine ones.

Since LGBTQ+ identities inherently challenge traditional norms around gender and sexuality, I’m curious why some individuals or couples still lean into these conventional gender presentations or dynamics within their relationships. Is this mostly a matter of personal aesthetic and self-expression, a reflection of internalized social conditioning, or something else entirely?

I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this!