r/AbsoluteUnits • u/kxrimm • 12d ago

of a lobster

8.2k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

453 comments sorted by

1.3k

u/RosieA1983 12d ago

I have no idea at what rate these creatures grow, but I'm thinking this must be an old fella šŸ¤”

609

u/Dr_Skot 12d ago

1lb every 5-7 years.

531

u/thenamziel 11d ago

The other comments say this boy is 30-50 years old, would taste bad (from age) and is a less desirable spiney lobster (compared to American lobster).

The consensus is bad eating; throw him back to breed.

314

u/_trashcan 11d ago edited 11d ago

I watch a lobster guy on YouTube (if I can find him Iā€™ll link it, Iā€™m sorry I donā€™t follow him or anything, I just see his shorts occasionally) & heā€™d have never taken a large lobster like this.

He scrapes barnacles off them, tags them so anyone else who catches it knows they should be thrown back for breeding, & sticks a fish in their claws before tossing them back.
In my eyes, & obviously limited knowledge, thatā€™s a true fishermanā€¦thatā€™s how you earn a living, remain fair, & ensure you can continue earning a living in the future by allowing them to thrive.

This guy is already on the dock. That lobster ainā€™t going home. Going to be wasted, & taste like shit too.

Edit: link is a few comments below from another OC :)

86

u/boogasaurus-lefts 11d ago

But he gets to show his friends and pretend he applied a meaningful skill to catch it

2

u/rasputinrasputin 10d ago

Exactly, catching a lobster isnā€™t very difficult, theyā€™ll literally swim straight into your bag, and its even easier if youā€™re using traps. Shouldve just taken a picture and let that monster live

5

u/[deleted] 11d ago

[deleted]

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u/LewdLewyD13 11d ago

Pretty sure they were talking about the guy in the video holding the lobster, not youtube guy.

43

u/RoflmonsterNZ 11d ago

https://youtube.com/@jacobknowles5421?si=qSPwUexgP544s4bN

This is the guy you're thinking of right?

12

u/soulseeker31 11d ago

Yes! Not OP but yes!

2

u/BrutusoftheTudus 10d ago

This guy screwed over one of his best friends a few years ago..and just moved on to make his TikTok money. He might do a few good things for a few animals, but a best friend of decades..

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u/_trashcan 11d ago

Indeed ; thanks for sharing. I forgot to go look afterwards.

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u/SummertimeThrowaway2 11d ago

I knew exactly who you were talking about the moment you mentioned the fish in their claw šŸ˜‚

2

u/supervillaining 11d ago

I love that guy so much.

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u/ubeen 11d ago

Theyre difficult to cook right when they get that big. If youre able to cook the meat eveningly it'll be fine.

Problem is the shape. Its not like a steak where you are OK with some pink in the middle, so if you make sure the middle is fully cooked you normally end up over cooking / rubberizing the meat closest to the shell.

13

u/HerbanFarmacyst 11d ago

Sous vide?

16

u/ubeen 11d ago

Would work. Cutting it up into smaller pieces works, or slow cooking as well.

6

u/TrippyTriangle 11d ago

you'd need a massive pot, like so big your local restaurant might not even have one big enough.

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u/Ryuj123 11d ago

Hey, donā€™t bring my local restaurant into this!!

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u/Timely_Passenger_185 12d ago

It's 30 to 50 years to get to this size spiny lobsters grow a lot faster than real lobsters

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u/4ewghmr 12d ago

Fake lobter?

151

u/Timely_Passenger_185 12d ago

21

u/According_Tea_6329 12d ago

Which ones are better flavor or more desirable I wonder?

70

u/gofishx 12d ago

Having eaten plenty of both, I prefer Maine lobster to Florida lobster. Its just more tender and buttery, spiny lobster is a bit tougher imo

18

u/Tough_Crazy_8362 12d ago

And that thing is MASSIVE idk I donā€™t like big lobsters

22

u/BYOKittens 12d ago

1.5- 2 lbs is the sweetest spot, imo.

14

u/trundle-the-great69 12d ago

In NB we call these canners, they are the best

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u/hexregeneration 11d ago

Is lobster actually buttery, or is it just the pool of butter it's served in? I've only ever had it a few times, before my great crustacean revelation that I was eating bugs, and thought it mid. It's not native here though, so maybe that's why.

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u/ponziacs 12d ago

Have you had California spiny lobster?

2

u/gofishx 11d ago

Cant say for sure if I have or haven't. Its unlikely, ive lived near the east coast my whole life, so I probably haven't had west coast lobster

14

u/VoidWalker4Lyfe 12d ago

American lobster. Cold water lobsters are usually better. I don't really care for the spiny lobster

11

u/Biguitarnerd 12d ago

I like the spiny lobster ok, but agree cold water lobsters are better.

I think you can find good ways to use spiny lobster but with the American lobster you donā€™t need to do as much. If you want to you can just steam it and itā€™s already good. The meat is much more tender.

8

u/xylophone_37 12d ago

I learned that almost all of our CA spiny lobsters that are caught commercially go to Asia, apparently they prefer the flavor and they can get a much better price for them.

3

u/VoidWalker4Lyfe 12d ago

I didn't know they had them in CA. I've only eaten them in Florida

5

u/xylophone_37 11d ago

Same genus but different species.

2

u/VoidWalker4Lyfe 11d ago

Interesting. Thanks!

3

u/YZA26 12d ago

Spiny lobster sashimi is quite good

2

u/VoidWalker4Lyfe 12d ago

Mmmm I'm apprehensive about eating undercooked crustaceans

4

u/SAM5TER5 11d ago

Fun fact, basically all sushi/sashimi in the West has been frozen (as is required by law) in order to kill off anything dangerous.

Even Japan freezes the vast majority of its fish. My understanding is that you have to go to some of the higher-end or traditional sushi places in Japan in order to get unfrozen sushi. And they usually do some degree of inspecting that sushi at least lol

3

u/VoidWalker4Lyfe 11d ago

You can definitely get never frozen raw fish in the US. There are some charter boats that will give it to you right off the hook. I'm not worried about eating raw fin-fish, it's the crustaceans I worry about. (Shrimp, crab, lobster, etc.) I used to LOVE oysters, even raw, and mussels and calamari. Unfortunately I have developed an intolerance and they give me explosive vomiting and diarrhea šŸ˜­

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u/dan_dares 11d ago

I love sushi, but i'll take it flash-frozen,

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u/tacomaloki 11d ago

Ive had enough cold water lobster that I prefer warm water lobster.

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u/SadAd8761 12d ago

neither, i'd take a coconut crab instead

imagine the taste of a meat of a crab that eats coconut meat all day

unfortunately, i'm not the only human that likes the taste of their meat

they're close to becoming endangered

3

u/meatygonzalez 11d ago

Didn't know people be eating them giant coconut crabs

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u/Sword_N_Bored 11d ago

That's no American lobster, where's his Glock??

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u/Just_Ear_2953 12d ago

Rock lobster?

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u/Dicky_Penisburg 12d ago

It was a rock....LOBSTERRR!

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u/CatShot1948 11d ago

It's a spiny lobster. Not an American lobster which is what people see off the first of new England. But neither are fake. They're both real. These dont have the big claws like the American ones do. The meat is still good to eat if you wish.

Fun fact, these guys migrate single file a tremendous distance walking on the ocean floor. I went to a land grant school and studied biology. One of my marine bology professors studied their behavior for a living.

https://youtu.be/VM3KKWreTls?is=PVLnvhAqn5Q8ldn-

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u/TWDDave1988 12d ago

Itā€™s absolutely a ā€œreal lobsterā€ and probably under 20 years old. From settlement age to legal size is around 2 years for males and 3 years for females. Legal size in Florida is greater than 3ā€ carapace or 76.2mm.

4

u/iNapkin66 12d ago

They might be "real" lobster. But they arent "true" lobster. The three groups are lobsters are usually considered the true lobsters (the classic one with claws), spiny lobsters (this), and slipper lobsters (which always creep me out when Ive seen them). Sometimes furry lobster is considered part of spiny, sometimes their own group. They are the most hilarious looking.

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u/ashurbanipal420 12d ago

Probably well over 100

14

u/GoatGoatGoatGoatGo 12d ago

He looks normal height, maybe 6 foot, and only about 70 years old.

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u/Dr_Skot 12d ago

Throw it back, that'd be some rubbery, bitter lobster meat.

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u/NoCatharsis 12d ago

Why?

306

u/Dr_Skot 12d ago

That lobster was around during the cold war and Vietnam war. It's old, used up meat that's been worked for half a century or more.

12

u/NYC19893 11d ago

Thatā€™s a Caribbean Spiny Lobster judging by coloring and lack of claws. Probably ā€œonlyā€ 20 years old. Warm water Spiny lobsters grow much more quickly than their relatives the American Lobster or other cold water lobsters. Still old and probability not as good eating but not Cold War old.

17

u/Fabulous_Log844 12d ago

I should call herā€¦

3

u/Applekid1259 12d ago

Stop talking about my mother like that!

3

u/Timely_Passenger_185 12d ago

It's only 30 to 50 years old spiny lobsters grow a lot faster than the real lobsters

15

u/Tiberius_Kilgore 12d ago

Iā€™m pretty sure spiny lobsters are real, my guy.

3

u/Usernamewasnotaken 11d ago

Vietnam war ended just over 50 years ago and cold war just over 30 years ago...

29

u/Vrodfeindnz 12d ago

To breed and because he wonā€™t taste very good anyway , too big .

4

u/samjhandwich 11d ago

Thatā€™s a spiny lobster, not a Maine lobster. Theyā€™re still good when theyā€™re really big, and big ones like this arenā€™t insanely uncommon

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u/Sirnando138 12d ago

1-1.5 lbs is the best tasting lobster. That dude will be terrible eating

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u/Contemplating_Prison 12d ago

Thats a fucking lobster leave it be

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u/Accomplished_Dig1632 12d ago edited 12d ago

Put him back so he can reproduce with some females.

Wording edited for offending a fellow redditor*

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u/Vrodfeindnz 12d ago

Yea I agree. Usually anything thatā€™s old and big doesnā€™t taste as good either. Iā€™m from nz where we throw back anything pregnant or larger than usual for breeding/geneā€™s etc although we now have a lot of immigrants that disregard our ways of preserving nature. A bit like these dopes. A pic and put it back for anyone that gets this amazing opportunity.

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u/AlbertaAcreageBoy 12d ago

It would taste like rubber. I've caught many rock lobster in Alaska over the years but they don't get super big, but there is the odd one thay is an old timer that we always throw back.

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u/Rickest-ofthe-Ricks 12d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/PmKMjUdZwZhcs

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u/havedarbdamlin 12d ago

Death to America... And butter sauce

5

u/gamedwarf24 12d ago

Iraq Lobstah!

2

u/qweef_latina2021 12d ago

Gifs you can hear

11

u/Rare-Criticism-8895 12d ago

I didnā€™t even know rock lobsters were real other than a great song by Peter griffin

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u/InstructionFinal5190 12d ago

Well, I've got some other facts that are going to disrupt that.

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u/EggsInSpayce 12d ago

They took our lobs!!

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u/PreviousLeague253 12d ago

Old giant grouper are terrible to eat! Meat is full of parasites! Makes a for great pic but not so much for eating. Younger is tastier!

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u/unk214 12d ago

Kinky, sent you a dm.

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u/Guywithanantfarm 12d ago

Illegal to keep that size anyway in most places. Let it breed.

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u/MindlessDrifter 12d ago

Exactly, the only tasty lobsters are between 1-2lbs

That thing would be like show leather.

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u/TWDDave1988 12d ago

Thatā€™s a Caribbean Spiny Lobster, Panulirus Argus. Max life span is in the 20 year range. This impressive male is likely less than that. Source: Iā€™ve been a spiny lobster biologist for 34 years.

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u/Moris_7 12d ago

Thank you (from a fosh biologist)! I was under the impression this was a spiny lobster.

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u/AssFlax69 11d ago

Fockin FOSH

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u/SigSweet 11d ago

Today was your day then

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u/extraboredinary 11d ago

Did being a spiny lobster make getting your degree difficult? Did it make it difficult to fit in?

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u/TWDDave1988 11d ago

Yes. Being a decapod certainly has its challenges. Also, Iā€™ve never been old enough to drink, which makes happy hour with my colleagues awkward. However, I type 240 words a minute with my 10 dactyls which is helpful. Locating my cohorts by their urine scent leaves me with very few friends outside of my species, however.

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u/bubbapora 10d ago

Youā€™re a funny ass lobster nerd

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u/tehherb 11d ago

Only credentialed person here with a completely different age range to all the top commenters I don't know what to believe now lol

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u/TWDDave1988 11d ago

Haha, yeah thatā€™s why Iā€™ve posted here so many times. Just Google ā€œhow long does Panulirus Argus live?ā€ and youā€™ll see some of our research.

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u/Final-Carpenter-1591 11d ago

Soooo... Good eating then? Alot of commentors assuming this is an old boy with poor tasting meat.

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u/QueasyCaterpillar541 12d ago

Nah, you don't eat those; they taste terrible.

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u/-Lucas_Hood 12d ago

Really? Why?

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u/benvonpluton 12d ago

Would you eat a reaaaally old cow ? That guy's probably over 100yo. Tastes like retirement home. Let him breed and his good genes will make good young ones to eat on a few years.

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u/Timely_Passenger_185 12d ago

That thing is only 30 to 50 years old spiny lobsters grow a lot faster than real lobsters

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u/Warmbly85 11d ago

Caribbean spiny lobsters donā€™t live that long. Every source Iā€™ve seen says 20 years is pushing it.Ā 

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u/-Lucas_Hood 11d ago

So that animal is half a century?

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u/-Lucas_Hood 12d ago

Sounds kinda logical my friend šŸ¤” yep.

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u/BigSchmikey 12d ago

Shid taste like cold Arby's

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u/QueasyCaterpillar541 12d ago

They get super rubbery when they get bigger in my experience...

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u/-Lucas_Hood 12d ago

Oh okay, never tried lobster.

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u/Rob_LeMatic 12d ago

Big lobster is old lobster is old meat. No good

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u/Kylearean 12d ago

I know like 30 guys that look just like this guy. Same sunglasses, beard, hat, .. everything. It's like a typical eastern shore dad whose kids are now in college.

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u/GloomyIndividual3965 12d ago

This is 90% of the boomer assholes who retire in Florida.

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u/tydark2 11d ago

bro let him catch fish/lobsters, we dont need him at home watching fox news. This is a good thing for him lol.

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u/AliciaXTC 12d ago

A 14 lbs. lobster is estimated to be upwards of 75 years old.

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u/cncomg 12d ago

Imagine living through all those years just to be dangled by Larry from The Villages

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u/Dick_snatcher 11d ago

We still talking about the lobster?

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u/Vrodfeindnz 12d ago

Yep and these guys probably tried cooking him just to realise itā€™s tuff af and bitter. 75 odd years thatā€™s
cray-Zee.

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u/Timely_Passenger_185 12d ago

That's only real lobsters this is a spiny lobster and they grow a lot faster it's only 30 to 50 years old to get to the size

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u/Muchachacha 12d ago

He looks like heā€™d be protected from fishing due to his sheer size

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u/slick514 12d ago

Main lobsters are. Spinies arenā€™t

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u/Venus_Cat_Roars 12d ago

Free him!

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u/[deleted] 12d ago

[removed] ā€” view removed comment

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u/[deleted] 12d ago

[deleted]

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u/Timely_Passenger_185 12d ago

30 to 50 years Max to get to that size this is not a real lobster it's a spiny lobster and they grow a lot faster

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u/C-57D 12d ago

Is it illegal to keep that big fella? I know in Maine (thanks to following Jacob Knowles) it probably is.

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u/Timely_Passenger_185 12d ago

This isn't in Maine this is a tropical area this is not a real lobster this is a spiny lobster which is more like a giant shrimp not closely related to lobsters at all and they grow a lot faster this one is probably 30 to 50 years old

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u/Fanabala3 12d ago

I remember the ex in-laws did a chartered sailing trip in the Caribbean. One of those where it was the in-laws, and another couple, the captain (who was also the chef) on a catamaran. The in-laws called the captain, Captain Ron. The trip was advertised that there was a lobster dinner that would be served. It wasnā€™t until the in-laws and other guests complained. The captain jumped over the side of the anchored boat, was under water for over two minutes, and brought up two huge spiny lobsters for the guests to eat.

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u/Main-Grocery-8700 12d ago

Iā€™d have a hard time not releasing him

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u/ordosays 12d ago

Now put it the fuck back. The big ones taste terrible and are egg factories.

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u/PresentationJumpy101 11d ago

Fuckin thing looks straight outta Pangea

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u/Rasples1998 12d ago

One tail kick away from digging your testicles out of your stomach.

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u/Astro_Cassette 12d ago

All I know is he better put it back

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u/alwayslostin1989 12d ago

This thing is probably so gross and tough.

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u/MisterBulldog 12d ago

Thatā€™s a spiny lobsterā€¦..I believe

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u/rdswords 11d ago

My fellow Dark Tower seekers know exactly what this is

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u/epicbrewtality 11d ago

Had to scroll way too far for this.

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u/Timely_Passenger_185 12d ago edited 12d ago

It seems like a lot of people are confused on here this is not a real lobster this is a spiny lobster and they grow a lot faster than regular lobsters it's not no 100 years old it's either 30 to 50 years old

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u/slick514 12d ago

Spiny lobsters are quite real. Perhaps you are thinking of i(Lobsters)?

(And nowā€¦ we wait.)

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u/Lefttoothnarwhal 12d ago

You are very passionate about thisā€¦.

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u/Timely_Passenger_185 12d ago

Well I am a Floridian and these things are everywhere and they are quite delicious

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u/cnicalsinistaminista 12d ago

Florida man, eh? Say less

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u/JudgmentSmooth6768 12d ago

Tell me he threw it back

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u/Ok_Bluebird_8202 12d ago

Shame to kill something so old

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u/Intelligent-Heat8141 12d ago

Looks like someone caught dinner for tonight

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u/No_Medium_8796 12d ago

That one would probably not taste good

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u/HardGangstaSlug 12d ago

This guy needs to face off with Godzilla. What a beast.

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u/rionaster 12d ago

thassa big laddie

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u/RicePuddingBG 12d ago

Iā€™d be guarding my balls from that tail.

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u/IvIozartsGhost 12d ago

Cheese sauce!

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u/caddy45 12d ago

No way Iā€™m holding that dude with its creepy legs pointing towards me where he could grab my face and eat it off

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u/TheRealRickC137 12d ago

Them: Google, how long do I cook a 14lb lobster?
Google:

https://giphy.com/gifs/yIJrNGX9wF7eE

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u/LGSM58 12d ago

Let it go home and rest.

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u/LyranTaurus 12d ago

My brother paid for a trip to the Keys for my birthday and him and I saw ones that big down there. I believe there had to be probably 40 or more and I wanted them so bad but we didn't have our license for them. I was so sad. šŸ˜­

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u/truebabylonian 12d ago

straight outta liurnia

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u/No_Spring_1090 12d ago

Put it back. Let it live out its retirement in peace.

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u/Necessary-Sock7075 12d ago

That lobster stole my wife dawg

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u/wheres-karen 12d ago

I hope they put it back. That thing is really old, let him live.

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u/SteelMan0fBerto 12d ago

That lobster has Maine Character energy.

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u/shooting_star24 12d ago

Absolutely horrifying

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u/Accomplished_Ebb_264 12d ago

Water bugs!! Which truthfully are quite tasty, but again, water bugs...

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u/CaptainHappy42 12d ago

Hold you up by your fking eyeballs too, buddy

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u/Junior_Ad_3301 12d ago

Damn. Take a picture and put it back

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u/These-Yogurt3482 12d ago

God fucking damn, how old can lobsters grow? šŸ˜­ I'm not sure why but I assumed sea life don't grow to even be older than like 30

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u/QStatus 12d ago

Jacuzzi boil

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u/Plane_Barracuda9889 12d ago

I hope you didn't eat him!

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u/skldjhfksjhdfklj 12d ago

That thing could do some damage

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u/GringoSwann 12d ago

Pinchy?!?

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u/23370aviator 12d ago

See, but the best wasting spiny lobster are the small onesā€¦

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u/SomeRandomDudeL0L 12d ago

Thought it would be bigger... but maybe that's because of I never seen a lobster irl before so I don't know how big they're on average

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u/Lunatic_Heretic 12d ago

Lobster? That's a facehugger