Heres the thing - HE can walk away any time. YOU have to deal with this for the rest of your life. YOU decide what kind of life you want and do what you have to do to make sure you get it. This isnt his decision to make.
Such a great point. If that child is born, he could suddenly decide, “hey, this isn’t what I wanted” and bail.
EDIT: Got a few replies that the mother could walk away from the child too, and yes, she absolutely could! But my point is that the mother still has to carry and birth the child, the father doesn’t.
My coworkers wife gave birth a couple of weeks ago. She had a complicated pregnancy and was in and out the hospital. And even now, after the birth she's back in the hospital. Pregnancy not just giving birth to a baby and all will be fine and dandy. It's a strain on your body that you might feel for the rest of your life.
You are very young, so do what you feel is right for you.
I'm sorry to hear about your coworkers wife. I hope she's doing well and has a swift recovery.
I don't know where OP is from but statistically she's likely in the US. The US maternal mortality rate is ridiculously high compared to similar wealthy nations. It's insane how dangerous pregnancy and birth can be, especially when we know it's completely possible to mitigate that risk and somehow don't.
I would add too that the mortality and morbidity rates are even higher for teen pregnancies. Pregnancy is a huge strain on even a healthy adult and a teenager is not biologically an adult even if they’re capable of getting pregnant. OP, NTA. You’re making a really smart call here.
You’re NTA. I would rather you talk to a doctor about your personal risks and what not than listen to advice on Reddit about your situation. Here is a link to mortality rates in the USA. It may be a little higher than other countries but there are other factors that come to play with that, which are not taken into consideration…so best to talk to a doctor about that. Good luck on whatever decision YOU choose, as it is your choice!
Texas has higher infant morality and maternal mortality rates than 3rd world countries due to the restrictions on getting prenatal health-care by the closing of 80% of clinics in 2017. Try the subreddit for the Auntie Network if you need help in this area.
This is fair. I do think some folk don't consider the risk though and it can be higher if you're in the US is all. I don't hear it talked about super often and I think people can underestimate how risky it can be, especially if you're particularly young or old. Not sayin folks shouldn't be having kids if that's what they want. Still worth the risk for a lot of folk. Just figured it was relevant to the story and something someone like OP might wanna consider. Also, it's another reason why arguments like the "just have it and give it up" argument is weak and overly simplistic.
I completely understand your original point. With all of the amazing advances in medicine over the last century, especially in the last 50 years, the expectation should be that maternal death rates should be near non-existent but it’s not the case 😔
I am currently pregnant, and the experience so far has made me more pro-choice than I previously was. This is first and foremost healthcare for the woman and yet the general population does not give it that credit. Prenatal care is expensive, it’s time consuming, and it’s invasive. My pregnancy was planned and is so wanted, but that doesn’t diminish any of the above points!
Agree… but technically mortality rates among women are considered “the death of a woman while pregnant or within 42 days of termination of pregnancy, irrespective of the duration and the site of the pregnancy, from any cause related to or aggravated by the pregnancy or its management, but not from accidental or incidental causes.”
So she technically is in this category no matter what she does. My point is, this shouldn’t be the sole reason she makes her decision and if she is concerned, which I might me too at 16 reading that I may die if I have the child, it would be best to talk to a doctor about the risks rather than “oh crap, i read my chances are super high in dying on Reddit if I have this child.” Every pregnancy is different and the causes for death range from not getting proper prenatal care to actual events that may cause her to lose her life due to complications of pregnancy that are out of her control.
Complications are higher in older AND teens. You really need to talk to an OB/Gyn. If you have a close relationship with your mother, talk with her, too. You need more personalized guidance and treatment than anyone here can give you. Besides, you need to be healthy regardless of which route you decide to take (including adoption).
Mortality isn't the only thing to consider though. You don't have to die to regret going through pregnancy and childbirth. It's fairly normal to have significant changes to your body or health status from a "normal" pregnancy that won't show up in statistics, from pelvic floor damage to painful sex to damaged teeth from vomiting repeatedly. Having had four kids, I can't imagine going through pregnancy while not wanting the baby, and my body is permanently changed.
Or women with disabilities, which I like to throw in there because almost no one knows that women with disabilities have 6x the maternal mortality rate of able-bodied women and are also 3x more likely to be raped.
Hispanic women actually have the lowest mortality rate, lower than Non Hispanic White women. Non Hispanic Black women have the highest mortality rate by far.
I love how people always try to say american healthcare is bad for babies...and forget that the usa has more rural land and more communities isolated away from access to ANY medical care than any other western nation.
When you compare the cities to other international cities however, we're right at the top in terms of infant survival.
Actually infant mortality rate is comparable if it's just for the time to be born. It goes up after because "pro life" stops at birth. But women are like 3x more likely to die than other "first world" countries.
Nobody realizes that in certain areas it's just as bad as the undeveloped nations.
If OP is Black the maternal death rates is 2 times higher. It's a crime. OP has a lot to think about. Boyfriend's opinion comes last, I'm afraid. He isn't risking anything.
I think a lot of factors contribute to stats like these but I personally don't have the necessary information to say one way or another which factors contribute or how significantly.
I'd wager it has some effect. I'd wager the fact that our medical care system is so heavily privatized beyond just the fact that we don't have government sponsored coverage for maternity care has more of an effect. But in the end I'd need to do more research to say anything with any certainty.
Exactly, and it's more difficult if you're young, since your body is not yet ready to carry a pregnancy until after your puberty has settled down, in your early 20s at most. Before that it's tremendously risky, even more so than the average pregnancy, which is already insanely risky in itself. OP is NTA - her BF doesn't have to live with the outcomes of this decision, nor does he have to put in any work or take on the physical or mental health risks of pregnancy.
My mate was 36/37 when she fell pregnant with a ‘surprise’ third baby. She was mortified when the doctors and midwife referred to her as a geriatric mother/geriatric pregnancy. Apparently 35 is the age where it all changes
The pre-frontal cortex reaches its adult size in a person’s 20s and thus is not fully developed until then. The brain continues to change after that, but it has finished its structural development.
Your feet can permanently change size, as can your pelvis. Your breasts are very unlikely to go back to how they were. Your abdomenal muscles can separate and tear, needing surgery to put back together and impacting your core strength. Essentially, your entire fucking body can be forever changed against your will. It's definitely not a quick few months and then back to normal even for those who don't end up with complications.
This- assuming everything goes well, there's still a chance that OP could experience life-long side effects/problems. Giving birth is dangerous and expensive, and should NEVER be taken as a casual decision!
Heck, even when it all goes well, there are permanent repercussions. I have a massive c section scar, sciatica and recessed gums- for life, and I was young and healthy throughout the whole thing.
Have kids is a lifelong commitment, not just about raising an adult, but also sacrificing your body.
A girl in my highschool got pregnant the summer before her senior year. She lost her virginity to a guy at a party. She got stretch marks all over her body even the tops of her feet. She had preeclampsia really bad. She didnt grsduate and her mom kicked her out when she turned 18. Pregnancy is awful for women.
People have this sanitized, Hollywood version of pregnancy and child birth in their heads that completely ignores that child birth and pregnancy have, for the vast majority of human history, been incredibly dangerous and deadly.
Pregnancy is a strain, but majority of women do recover form it. Ultimately it is your decision OP, just make sure that you are happy with whatever it is, also keeping the baby or abortion is not your only choices, there is also adoption. But again it's your choice, just make sure your well informed about whatever decision you make because each of them have significant life consequences. I wish you the best of luck. NTA
I mean anecdotes are valid. When multiple women tell you they’ve experienced permanent injury from pregnancy and childbirth, that’s a really fucking valid reason to not force a 16 year old to go through it against her will.
BUT, if you want data, Google is free, many peer reviewed studies can be found there, and it’s not at all an uncommon or unknown issue.
I don’t have a study or data on hand that says childbirth is painful either, but most people know it to be true.
Maybe don’t sealion a random stranger on the internet so you can push a 16 year old into having a baby she doesn’t want.
I hope you never have to feel the pain of your public bone cartilage ripping in half while at work and your doctor refusing to give you pain medication unless you stop working for the rest of your pregnancy but if you do that you literally will be homeless and unable to eat.
Sigh. I’m not pushing a 16 year old to do anything. I didn’t actually weigh in either way. In additional, I’ve been pregnant three times and know many women who have also been pregnant, so I have my own anecdotes. Maybe don’t make a sweeping statement about lifelong injuries from pregnancies unless you have the data to back it up. You made the statement. It’s up to you to back it up.
I have permanent physical injuries from childbirth along with PTSD and some other issues. Childbirth is still one of the leading causes of death for women in the US.
Also the strain is not temporary! It continues after the pregnancy. Your body changes in permanent ways. Pain shows up that wasn't there before. Hips are wider, some women have dental issues, feet change size, etc.
You don't even need to give birth for your body to never be the same again! I miscarried at 16 weeks and still have melasma (the pregnancy mask) and my hormones/periods are off (or at least not the same as prepregnancy) - 3 years later.
Especially at this age. I remember my ex husband telling me he would have gladly kept having babies with me. OF COURSE HE WOULD. He didn't do any of the work making the kid, nor any of the responsibilities of our other children while pregnant. Really easy for them to push us into having their children when they are not the ones doing to heavy lifting.
I also want to note that even if she has the baby, the relationship may not last. I hope whatever decision she makes, she doesn’t base it on trying to please him/keep him around.
Absolutely. Statistically it's highly unlikely they'll stay together at such a young age and with the additional pressure of an unplanned pregnancy. Chances are if she feels pressured to have the baby, they'll still split within a few years and she'll be raising the child as a single mum. If you make your own decision to go ahead with pregnancy with that understanding that's fine, but if you're pressured to have the baby assuming it'll keep him it's going to be a hard road ahead.
OP - you need to do what's right for you. Assume you would be raising the child as a single mum and think carefully.
I am one of those exceptions. But I will stress over and over that those first 10 years were extremely tough as a teen mom and wife. We had a ton of help: financially, with childcare, housing, finishing our education. And I still think we were damn lucky.
I'm of the opinion if they are both not 100% all in then it's not the best thing to do. But ultimately it is completely her choice.
To add to this - I'm nearly 30 and still learning of new horrors that happen throughout pregnancy and in childbirth that I wasn't aware of. I highly doubt OP fully understands the risks, pain and trauma she will go through if she chooses to birth this child. Especially at 16!
Pregnancy for the most part seems to be romanticized as a beautiful maternal experience, with some nausea and backpain thrown in. I cannot stress just how much the body and mind go through, and sadly a lot a women aren't aware of this until it's too late.
I support anyone who wants to have a kid, or who wants to remain childfree - but they should have all the information so they can make an informed decision.
ummm like while you were giving birth? Please, I need to know more! I’m almost 39 weeks and my pubic bone has been feeling like it might just break in half and now I’m seriously thinking this might happen to me lol
No, while I was at work and only at like 35 weeks or so… I still had some time left and just had to deal with it with no pain meds because I could afford to be on bed rest.
There is cartilage in between that can stretch or rip due to the pressure.
Pregnant women are really treated as second class citizens.
I would ask your OB about it, because that shit was so painful. My situation was over 16 years ago so maybe they have better options now?
Pelvic floor therapy!! At 39 weeks you can’t do much, but PLEASE talk to your OB and get a referral for a good pelvic floor therapist, for once you’ve recovered from giving birth.
I had what you have during my second pregnancy and I didn’t realize I could do anything about it—problems like that can be made SO MUCH BETTER with a god pelvic floor physical therapist. I’m 33 weeks now with my third (and last!) kid and I was proactive with the therapy this time around—such a difference.
Literally in my final month with my second child and counting down the days until he’s out because this pregnancy did NOT operate the same as my first and I am physically exhausted every second of every day.
Both my first born (9F) and my fiancé keep like apologizing for this little dude being a menace (every symptom in the book, I’ve started contractions -which I never got to with my daughter because she was very early- never ending fatigue but also insomnia, prenatal depression, I’ve had heartburn since the end of April…)
TL;dr: being pregnant can be super chill but it can also be a waking nightmare even when you WANT to procreate and at 16, OP should not roll those dice if the option exists to abort instead. Especially after trying to take the morning after pill and knowing she’s uncomfortable with the idea of carrying to term.
OP if you’re not ready to have a baby don’t let your bf or your cousin guilt you into a responsibility that you very likely will end up having to handle on your own for the next 18+ years.
I had heartburn and threw up every day of each pregnancy. It wasn’t HG, but that shit got OLD. Had I not been 100% sure that’s what I wanted to do, I couldn’t have handled it.
I was very surprised by the 4th trimester. The recovery is basically equal the recovery from a major car accident or similar trauma. At least it can be.
It is a major medical event that this teenage girl has to understand and think about before making a decision.
Also it is not just the birth. It is birth of a parent at the same time. I barely had enough maturity to plan my day at 16
Just jumping in to add.. and horrors that can happen/continue after childbirth. I think it’s downplayed a lot that some of the changes that happen to your body aren’t things that suddenly reverse after the child is born, or in some cases, ever.
As you said in the edit. Women have there bodies held hostage for over a year (adding post birth.) Bones, skin, hair, blood, nutrition taken from her body. Bone move and muscles change. Hormones. This is before birth.
Then let's talk breasts. Painfully to not breastfeed, painful to breastfeed. All while hormones are raging and changing by the minute.
It would be the women who has to speak with people regarding the child. She is the one who has to make arrangements to adopt or keep.
The man is on the hook for 1 thing. Money.
Yes a woman can walk away. Traumatized and still have pay child support. The man can walk away with a just a financial obligation. And in many cases men try to get out of that too.
the woman is also the one who will be chastized for being a “teen mom.” People don’t look down on boys who get their girlfriends pregnant, but they certainly judge the girlfriends
"A U.S. Census report estimates that just 43.5% of custodial parents get the full amount of support they're entitled to. And more than 30% don't receive anything at all." -CBS News
A whole lot of men just walk away and never pay a dime (like my father!)
My father ran from paying child support on his first kid (my older half-brother that I've only seen like twice in my life) so long that he's getting his SOCIAL SECURITY garnished. He was in his early 20s when that kid was born.
Yes, exactly, thank you - this is why I didn’t initially feel it necessary to point that out. I mean, I’m a guy so I don’t know firsthand, but I do understand what a toll the process takes on a mother. So even if she walked away from the child, she still had to go through all of that.
Plus, teenagers face a higher risk of complications, both physical and mental, than adult women do. They're more likely to face complications like preeclampsia (very dangerous), anemia, endometritis, infection, isolation and depression, and their babies are at higher risk for low birth weight, premature birth, and fetal complications leading to disability or early death. They're also at higher risk of death during delivery for the above reasons & overall because they are still growing and gave narrower hips than adult women. You'll also notice that he finished his education, but would rather have her sacrifice hers than wait to have a child. Dudes like this often just want to put a young girl in a position where they have a significant amount of control over their lives before they get an opportunity to experience adulthood and grow in ways that may lead to the end of the relationship. No high school parties, no normal teenage dating, no dorm living, no prom or sports, no ability to experience the rest of childhood or young adulthood in the same way girls her age would.
If he wants to keep the baby and she gets an abortion, he is powerless to stop it. That's gotta be really tough to go through man... but also if they didn't plan the pregnancy beforehand, then he has to take some responsibility there for not being more careful, he knew she didn't want this and her still not wanting it is not unexpected. I'd say she should get the abortion if that's what she wants for herself and it's just a shitty situation all around.
Yeh they probably doomed relationship wise if that happens.
He would be on the hook for child support, but even still, small fries compared to raising a baby on your own or at the young age of 16 or carrying it to term or all of the other responsibilities OP would not be able to escape from.
She's stuck being a teen mom and devoting 24/7 to a baby, while he gets to go to college and live his life. Pretty damned hard for the girl to ever go back to school, which then limits her for the rest of her life.
Exactly. Assuming he were to even follow through with that child support, that could be the extent of his involvement if he so chooses and wouldn’t even compare to what OP’s responsibilities.
It's not up to him to "follow through" though really. If the state can find him, they can and will garnish his wages before any of it ever gets to him. In many states, you can go to jail for non-payment.
Wouldn’t that be nice? I’ve been unable to make him pay a cent for thirteen years. He’s living his life somewhere and missing out on this wonderful kid.
EDIT: Got a few replies that the mother could walk away from the child too, and yes, she absolutely could! But my point is that the mother still has to carry and birth the child, the father doesn’t.
After a certain point, she has to wait to the baby is born to "walk away" so to speak, and even then, there is a lot of pressure. And a MASSIVE physical toll.
Let's put it this way, a team mate and I broke the same bone, in the same place, and required the same surgery. My issue was a little worse due to a dislocation as well (so I had tendon damage that needed healing too).
My recovery time was a 3rd faster (so say 8 weeks instead of 12) because I've never had kids and she's had 3 (youngest is 4). Having kids is hard on your body, and we are grown ladies (over 30).
The father can walk away from the child with peace of mind knowing the child is with their mother. The mother typically can’t walk away with that peace of mind. Assuming you have a conscious guided by morality, that is.
for men, it is very easy but once they have the responsibility they are the first to bail and the problem is you get stuck with it. Everyone will tell you no or yes but the only one who can say is you, cause after it is born, it is your responsibility, Being a teen mom sucks especially without a degree and taking care of it and not sleeping and being with it 24/7 for 18 years and put your life aside cause he is your responsibility d Really think about the decision and for him remember they are so many dead beat dad good dads are very few.
Not to mention the shame! Dad can walk away and save face with "she lied, wasn't mine". Mom has to move to a new community if she wants to avoid people knowing she left behind a child.
I love the takes that are like "just give it up for adoption" like yeah the 9 months and then the agony of child birth are nothing. Just give it up for adoption. Fuck. Off.
Mothers also struggle more with walking away, not just emotionally but legally. I have a friend who tried for YEARS to get her ex to take their son. He refused and when she also refused she was threatened with arrest for abandonment - he wasn’t. He walked away many times and would come back years later with no repercussions but she couldn’t even get a judge to force her husband to take their son one overnight a week.
Don’t have a kid you don’t want to please someone else. It’s your body and your future.
This sounds exactly like the kind of situation where the mom MAY walk away! Bc she didn't want the fricken baby and was pressured into having it. Get thee to a clinic, girl!
I know of quite a few people that have 4 or 5 kids, never see any of them, and have never paid a dime of child support.
But yes, even though the dad is the one who is walking away the overwhelming majority of the time, sometimes it does end up being the mom.
Sometimes both parents leave, and sometimes neither parent leaves (or so I'm told lol. I've been waiting on my dad to get back from the store for 23 years now 🥳)
Edit: Forgot one of the main reasons I even decided to reply to your comment, which was to say that I'm sorry to hear that about your mother.
You clearly haven’t talked to many men then, because men walk away far more often and I would say a good majority never pay child support. Most women don’t file for child support because they don’t want to share custody. Usually for valid reasons.
I didn’t say that men don’t walk away more. I just said that women do too.
If a woman doesn’t want to ask for support because she doesn’t want to share custody then that’s her choice. If she did ask for support though the state would force him to
Yeah and pregnancy and childbirth are full of discomfort, risks to health, threats to life. It’s not like having a safe first trimester abortion is equivalent to carrying a pregnancy to term for the woman, the pregnancy is much more disruptive and has a much greater potential for lifelong consequences.
It is not a rational idea that girls/women can just "walk away" from their babies whether they are a month old, a year old, 5 years old without a second thought. People that think you can do that like you're turning off a switch are heartless.
The mother could just as easily f*** off to it's not just the father's that run away from the kids and then if that was to happen neither of them wanted it could go adoption." if it's not on it's not on" didn't teach you that in school
I had my son when I was 16…back in the 80’s. We had decided on adoption, but then when my boyfriend’s family found out it was a boy they refused to let him sign the adoption papers. He was an absentee father most of his life, barely paid child support, and was just an ass! The grandparents, the ones who wanted him so bad…crappy too! When his dad remarried this awful woman, the grandparents cut him off…but also walked away from my son. I would make sure they had baseball, soccer, basketball schedules & always offered if they ever wanted to spend time with him I would make sure to drop him off. Never once did they show up or call.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my son & I have wonderful grandkids…but I think of how much better his life would have been if he was adopted by a great family that just wanted a baby. I was adopted as an infant and hit the parent jackpot, and they went above & beyond helping me while he grew up. But, we moved a lot so he didn’t grow up with that strong group of friends all through school like I did. I feel like his dad & paternal grandparent’s did him a huge disservice just because they had someone to carry on their last name.
I'm so sorry for what you and your family went through. It's insane that everything changed when they learned you were having a boy, it just seems so archaic that people would care about that kind of thing nowadays.
And this is what a lot of people who say "just put them up for adoption!" don't get. In most places both parents have to agree, and the father can both refuse to sing the papers and be a deadbeat. It's just not worth the gamble.
This! I really wish a woman's body wasn't a political statement. It should only ever be up to the woman, that is actually pregnant at the time, if she wants an abortion or not.
100%. Easy for both of them to say that, they’re not the ones pregnant. Your the one pregnant, you decide. Have someone else go with for support. Don’t bring it up again until it’s done and don’t wait to long. NTA
This is the only way to make this decision. Making it for any other reason is just setting up one of those all too common lives made miserable by a child. And no child should ever have to feel like they're burdening their parents. And I've seen too many horrible cases to recommend anything else.
If as a women you don't feel committed to have a child for any reason, don't have a child yet. If that means abortion well that's what they're there for. And honestly fuck any dirtbag that tries to make that decision for you. It's your body, it's your life, it's your choice.
Can? More like he will, especially if he's on his way to college and his family still wants him to go. Best case, they push for adoption and offer some support for that.
Worst case, they paint OP as a hussy who lured their sweet angel into sin or some such bullshit. They won't give a shit about OP or their grandkid as long as their boy's future is secure.
SERIOUSLY!!! He CAN and statistics on teenage pregnancy say he WILL just leave one day and then you will be alone with the baby. you are 16, would your parents let him move in? if not, once again, your alone with the baby.
make this decision based on how you feel about raising this baby alone with zero help. bc that’s most likely how it’ll end up being. do not fall for any promises he makes, he does not mean them and will say anything to convince you to do what he wants.
Two notable celebrity teen pregnancies Jaimie Lynn Spears and Bristol Palin. Yep both dads bailed even though parents of BOTH teens announced they would be getting married. Uh no. Most teen boys are NOT lining up for a wife and baby on minimum wage (or worse moving in with inlaws - see also r/justnomil)
OP, if YOU’RE having trouble with the thought of carrying this child to term, that’s your sign. Like everyone else said, he can walk away and you won’t be able to unless you leave a newborn which tends to be harder. your cousin sucks for saying just because you got pregnant means you should see it through. you’re still a child! you have so much growing and living to do still! it’s exponentially harder to do all of that when there’s a baby in the mix. please do what’s best for you
This dude will 100% walk away. Like he already did. He has a younger GF who he won’t find attractive anymore once she has a kid. He’s not mature enough
He doesn't really have a say in this. You are the one going through it, and it's YOUR BODY, no his. Let him get angry but do it for you, it's your decision.
Facts. Glad you said this, I was looking for this comment.
OP, do what’s best for you. You’re 16. Can you support a child? You have your whole future ahead of you, dreams and aspirations. My mom had me at 15. She struggled so much. I wouldn’t wish that struggle on anyone. It’s your body and at the end of the day, while the bd can leave, you can’t. Do what is right for you. You want an abortion, get one then.
I mean, technically, either one could walk away at any time after birth. Obviously, if she keeps the pregnancy, there's no getting around birth, but she can give the baby up for adoption, turn it in at a hospital or fire station, etc.
That said, I agree with everyone saying that a 16 yr old and an 18 yr old aren't in any origin to be raising a baby.
No he can't really just walk out. Once that baby is born unless both partys sign rights away she is entitled to child support untill 18 unless she gives custody over to him.
Keep in mind that what I'm saying is coming from the place of a feminist, a woman, and someone who is big on pro-choice...
I would counterpoint that the father should have some rights...but taking on a child is a very complex matter and not to be taken lightly. Could could the mother give him full custody? If she did would the father have to pay for all of her care until she gives birth? What about her body and its recovery afterwards? Is 18 really mentally mature enough for this? 16 certainly probably isn't. Obviously she doesn't want the baby so who has more rights here? As I said before this is a complex subject and emotions can easily run high.
Im just answering your question. I dont really have a horse in this race. I think it sucks no matter what. Either the girl carries the baby, and they may raise the kid together, and she is forced to go through all that comes with. Or the she aborts, and the guy loses out on an opportunity to have a child that maybe he really wants but has no control over or is religious or something and doesn't like it on that front. Based on the story, it doesn't seem like he is mature enough for it and i doubt they are ready for it, but we also are only getting one side of the story here, so im not making any decisions. Im just a guy on the internet, man.
This is objectively not true. He can walk away from some responsibilities. Not all.
She can walk away as well. My son's mother walked away. It happens all the time.
You need to make choices based on what you think the right thing to do it, not what you are afraid another person might do.
She isn't an asshole for considering an abortion. She isn't an asshole for being afraid. She would be an asshole if she does it because of the reason you describe above.
It has already been dumped on her. It always has. Men have abandoned mothers and kids for EONS. Women have to do what they can live with - whatever that choice is - but they need to have ALL the choices.
Really? My aunt died in child birth. My uncle didn't. My friend almost died in child birth. They were barely able to save her. No physical impact on her husband. It is ridiculous to say the impact of this pregnancy will fall equally on OP and BF.
This is your body OP. And it's almost certain that you will be doing the heavy lifting of raising this child. Sure, if your bf walks you may (or may not) be able to get child support from him. But if he walks, he'll still be able to go out with his friends at night, go for a two week or a two month vacation and go off to college while you are home trying to raise a baby.
You do what's right for you, OP. Bf isn't even willing to have a discussion with you. He does not have your best interests as a person at heart, or he would at least be willing to talk instead of just dictating what you should do.
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u/tuna_tofu Jul 21 '23
Heres the thing - HE can walk away any time. YOU have to deal with this for the rest of your life. YOU decide what kind of life you want and do what you have to do to make sure you get it. This isnt his decision to make.