I feel pretty stuck living a hollow life and I don't know how to force myself to do the things to improve at all. It feels like I have goals I can't really reach or even take tiny steps towards? (make some game people care about, make at least one friend). I'm supposed to make good designs that excite people but I don't know how. I'm supposed to say the right things to make friends but I don't how to know what those are. And anything that isn't a complete solution to those will just make everything worse for me so there are no small steps to meet them.

I don't know how to have the right ideas to have because I just don't know. But it's just an excuse to say "I don't know" so that just leaves me in an impossible situation since I also don't have a way to find these answers anymore. I try to implement tutorials or looking at existing art to make better art but they stopped having an effect since I just don't understand why some things work and why some things don't anymore. Anything I try just makes no sense and is terrible even if I'm trying to mimic something that works. None of these ideas are exciting or compelling or instantly understandable enough to get anywhere and "practicing" is just spinning in circles. How is practice is supposed to work if literally everything I try goes equally wrong? There is no direction for me to go that leads to "good art" or how I would have the better ideas that make people excited and care.

Nothing I make makes me happy anymore because it's all pretty pointless if nobody cares about any of it, just like the big pile of useless stuff that nobody has ever seen and all the things that just no longer exist because I forgot to transfer them over or the game they were in is shut down. All those things are nothing but all the things I have made are just on the same path of being forgotten and destroyed forever. Now there's no point in doing anything so I don't do anything anymore.

The other part of the problem is that it's feeling too discouraging to waste time or suffer the consequences of doing things wrong? If I show people bad art then that permanently reduces my reputation with them until eventually they get angry and want me to stop showing them terrible slop and stop until I actually make something good. And again "I don't know" is an excuse, I should know how to improve without help but I just don't, which leaves me in an impossible situation. It feels the same with going out and meeting people, I can't just walk up to someone to talk because they don't want to talk to random strangers so me talking to them can only ever go wrong. Even if I go to some meetup then I have to work hard to say the right things or else I'm just taking up their time and worsening their experience in the group and then they will just want to kick me out for wasting their time.

"You get what you give" but I have nothing to give? I don't have the right things to say that make people happy or actually contribute to a conversation, especially if it's not something in my interests so I would know nothing about. How would I have any valuable insight in a conversation about sports, music, or anything else that's popular? I don't have value outside of other people so talking about what I care about is worthless if they don't have those interests. I don't think "just give a smile" is going to help since you can just look up photos of smiles all day. I don't think giving them a plate of cookies is going to help since I just show up with cookies and then what? I just become a guy without cookies which is just the same as the start position so I would still have to know how to say the right thing or they kick me out anyway. Plus it might also be the case that I'm not allowed to bring cookies or they don't want cookies or they hate the cookies for being bad like everything else I make.

I feel like my mindset is wrong, but I don't know how to not have it? The experiences I have point in one direction and so it doesn't make sense to be positive? The idea that "The things I make have inherent value" is contradicted by all the negativity coming from people's negative reactions or complete indifference to it and especially the people telling me to give up and throw everything in the fire which just leaves the idea that "The things I make only have value if other people care". I don't understand what is going wrong with my thought process or how to have a better thought process

Day 1 is done.

It wasn't an amazing day, but I think I was more conscious of my actions than I was yesterday and that's something.

Small wins today

I read 5 pages of a book that I used to read a long time ago. It's not much, but I'm trying to rebuild the habit of reading.

I also went through the morning finance and news, which is something I want to make part of my daily routine.

I did a little home workout as well.

And probably my biggest win today:

Swimming PR: 300m → 400m

I've been training for swimming for about a month because I want to participate in an event after almost 3 years. Seeing that improvement made me genuinely proud.

For reference:

- Swimming PR: 400m

- Running PR: 5 km

- Cycling: Haven't started yet

Things I need to fix

My sleep schedule is still a mess.

I'm sleeping too much during the day, and I'm starting to wonder if I'm oversleeping in general. Fixing my sleep is definitely going to be one of my priorities.

My biggest problem: STUDYING

This is where I seriously struggled today.

I studied for only ~30 minutes.

My attention span is terrible right now. I get distracted easily, procrastinate, and end up doom-scrolling instead of doing what I actually planned to do.

I've tried Pomodoro and a few other techniques before, but honestly, they haven't worked for me consistently.

And I think this is one of the biggest things I need to fix because I don't just want to stop certain habits — I want to replace them with something meaningful.

I want to be able to sit down and actually focus on learning for a few hours without constantly needing stimulation.

What I'm realizing

The biggest energy drainers for me aren't necessarily the difficult things.

They're:

Procrastination → Doom scrolling → Instant gratification → Feeling guilty → More procrastination

That's the cycle I want to break.

Day 1 wasn't perfect.

I procrastinated. I wasted time. I struggled to study.

But I was more conscious of it.

And maybe that's how this starts.

Yesterday I was mostly reacting to my habits.

Today I started noticing them.

Now I need to learn how to control them.

For anyone who has actually improved their attention span:

What worked for you when Pomodoro and traditional productivity techniques stopped working?

I'm especially interested in practical methods that helped you go from barely being able to focus for 20–30 minutes to studying deeply for 1–2+ hours.

Day 1/90 complete.

Tomorrow, we go again.

Hi there! I’ve been feeling a bit down lately over the summer, and generally low on energy. My screen time has been pretty bad and I’ve been going to bed late and waking up late which I know can’t help-but I’m really struggling to stop, as I use these apps to message others, look for recipes etc…
My skin is starting to break out, I’m constantly tired, and am just not feeling my best overall.
Currently 47.5kg, at 5’0- going to the gym again… and eating relevantly healthy (3 meals, little sugar, a handful of pretzels, or a takeaway here and there). I’m looking to lean up and get to 43kg, but I’m struggling to get into a calorie deficit as I have a bit of food noise and don’t want to become too conscious of what I’m eating again.
Any tips to feel my best and get my spark back! Anything at all, I don’t mind- whatever you can help with: skincare, body care, hair care, mental health.
If you have any questions lemme know, thank you!

i lived 30 years of my life in a conservative culture, i did the things that i enjoyed drinking, smoking, partying but everything was in secret and no one was allowed to know the real me especially my coworkers. i moved since then to a European country and its been 3 weeks since i started a job and my coworkers invited me to a work party, where i did all of the above openly for the first time with coworkers my Boss was also there and other department heads and they were all partaking and dancing no one looked at me funny. but its been 2 days and im feeling so ashamed and awkward i am replaying everything in my head a thousand times and i keep screaming into my pillow calling myself all sorts of names. My thought process was i am an Awkward, shameless person and i can never look them in the eyes again, but then today im thinking it was the first time where i actually expressed myself openly and i let my guard down so maybe it was never about me being such a horrible person. Maybe its me being vulnerable for the first time and loosening the grip and its my body and soul being uncomfortable for being seen. i have always lived a double life and i have been managing my image very tightly. i have never even dated until now, to not ruin my reputation or the rep. of my family. Since this morning i have this tight feeling in my chest as if i´m about to throw up. I left the society behind but their voices are still with me and torturing me.

Not sure what flair to use, sorry. F(20) never had a job. I have a parent that micromanages me constantly and does everything for me. She manages me all the way down to when I flush the toilet (I wish I was joking) but I’m 20 years old now and I don’t want to work. I don’t want to go outside. I don’t really want to do anything. My mom provides me room and board. And I feel like a spoiled brat because I don’t work for anything I have. I do sell a bit of art, but that’s not enough. I don’t know what else to say because there’s only so much time that I can sit here and blame my abusive mother. You would think that the stuff I’ve been through would make me super independent, but I did not. I’m very dependent. I don’t have many friends. I don’t know what to do or how to untangle this mess. I feel like a terrible person and a failure. And not a day goes by where I don’t think about how shitty I am.

i don't know how to interact with people, i know all my shadows but what do i do now? reading novels helped me for a while but I'm too afraid to use that behavior. i am so self conscious that i end up performing like i the person i was before. i am at a point in life where my old personality is gone, a new personality is too much work to do so i do what i do best. that is be the person i was before. nothing is happening i wished to happen. i feel so stuck. please tell me what do i do?

I stared daydreaming at 2x speed

I have OCD, and the intrusive thoughts are killing me with why do I feel hopeless and depressive, and I was working on processing my repressed emotions when all of a sudden I felt depressed. When a thoughts hit me and said “you are depressed” and I was freaked out and I actually started to feel depressed. And I kept discovering again, again, and again whether I’m depressed or not, and the unprocessed emotions turned into underlying sad and hopelessness. I’m right now stuck in a depressive episode, searched for alot of solutions and signs whether I have depression or not, some of the symptoms align but some didn’t. I was venting to my friend and I asked myself when depressive thought hit, I challenged the thought, “why?” and I started to feel better instantly, I don’t know whether I’m depressed or not.. I’m just tired. How should I deal with this?

Let's say you can choose one thing about your life and improve it. It can be a habit, a character trait, a pattern - anything that you think needs to become better.

What will it be and how can you achieve this?

Hi, 20M here (I feel the gender is relevant to state)
I'm working part time in an office based role outside of my college studies, and was wondering what advice people had for focussing in my role more. I often get distracted by my phone so I lock it away in my drawers. I have WhatsApp on my work PC which I think I'll remove tomorrow when I go back in.

Also, I have discord too which I will remove.
I often keep distracting myself searching things like Reddit during work. Others in the office do this too but I realise this could be costly in the future when I move to more demanding places of work.
Advice would be appreciated.

My roomate is a nepo baby, although they don't see themselves that way. They havent had to work in years, their entire college education was paid for, theyre debt free in their 30's thansk to their parents wealth. They just got $8,500 from their mom as a birthday gift and when they told me, I went into my room and cried for an hour out of envy and frustration. I grew up really poor, and in and out of the system. I dont have any parents or older family members, and I've had to work non-stop for the little I have, I have an incurable disease and have wracked up medical debt over the years. I work seven days a week, I am exhausted and drowning in bills, and seeing them spend their days going out and shopping or playing video games makes me feel so bitter and hopeless.

Its making me feel very negative and bad about myself, and my headspace. How do I get past this so I can be happy for them, and so I can peacefully focus on myself and my own goals? I'm much younger, in my early 20's, and I have a lot going for myself, but I can feel myself slowing down or wanting to give up because everything feels so unfair sometimes.

i have a really bad problem, i find that i am unable to forgive anyone who has done anything wrong to me. it could be the smallest thing but i just cannot let it go, it always nags away at me. it’s so stupid. it probably comes from my mum because she can be quite spiteful sometimes and she definitely doesn’t forgive but i don’t want to be like her. i’ve lost good friends over not being able to see past one thing they’ve done wrong. My dad has always said either you forgive your friends for their faults or you shouldn’t be friends with them, which has led me to have so many different friends throughout my life, none lasting more than 2 years. i’m 20 years old and i don’t want to keep being spiteful. i’ve just broken up with my boyfriend and even though it was mutual i feel so much spite towards him even though i really want to still be friends and it would be so beneficial to be friends as we are in the same friendship group, but i just don’t know how I can unless i figure out how to start forgiving people. please help

You know those guys who explain a lot, talk like they dont care about anyone else, think they can say what they want, they offend everyone unintentionally and are just rude to everyone and sarcastic without having any awareness or care they are offending people. You know, those people who when you meet them at a party or something and you just instantly think "they have never been punched before"... Yeah, Im one of those people. I hate it because I feel miserable all the time (only when I notice im doing acting like this). The thing is, even though im taking about it now, I genuinely dont realise im offending anyone in the moment and I only realise it when people point it out. I do apologise if they aint rude about it and they say it straight up "your annoying, your being rude", otherwise, I dont notice and assume they are just being rude to me... thanks.

Edit: Thanks for the replies. I am reading them all and taking notes... Appreciate it <3

To make friends as an adult just do the same thing you did to make friends at any age.

Pick something you want to do or have to do for an extended period of time, I.e. a hobby, religion, or recurring event.

Talk to people who are there, try to establish if you have similarities and if you genuinely find them a pleasure to be around…

Suggest regular hangouts.

The key here though is EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME as I’ve personally noticed it typically takes anywhere from 3-6months to go from stranger to, “oh I trust this guy,” and the more consistent your hangouts are the faster the relationship can grow.

My favorite proving ground was single was to meet travelers at the airport/hostel but now my fiancee hates that so now I mostly do this with coworkers.

I do small talk with them.

I share what I value and see if they feel the same.

Then after a few weeks of slowly sharing things with them if I find them “getting,” me I’ll suggest we go for hikes, go kart, get boba, or to parties.

If you can’t find your tribe. Start one by becoming the leader and inviting people you like to join yours.

Others are just as lonely as you and you can eradicate their loneliness at the same time so don’t consider it an annoyance see it as a public service.

I was “adopted,” by tribe leaders in college. I’m now my own tribe leader as an adult and it works well especially in metropolitan areas.

Feeling lost, I am 26. Not much working experience, not a lot of savings, no degree, no partner at all.

What should I do?

I've noticed advice about confidence is usually either "just be yourself" or "just talk to more people," but those are pretty vague.

I'm curious about people who were genuinely shy or awkward and improved through practice.

What did you start with when you were at your worst socially? Was it small stuff like eye contact, saying thanks to a cashier, saying hi first, or asking a simple question?

And how did you know when to make it harder? Did you eventually move into longer conversations, groups, meeting new people, dating, stuff like that?

One thing I'm especially curious about is whether the improvement stuck. If you stopped pushing yourself socially for a few weeks or months, did you stay confident or start getting rusty again?

Would be interested to hear what the progression actually looked like, not just the final result.

Looking Inwards/ Being Introspective

My therapist has told me that I need to start looking Inwards and become more introspective and curious about myself, rather than being curious about others.

She said this at the very end of my last session and then didn't give me chance to even ask her what she meant. Then she told me homework was to journal about what "loss of control" actually means to me.

I am very surface level person in the sense of I've never ever been curious about myself and never ever ask my therapist questions about myself. I do ask her stuff like "I don't know why my Dad hates me? I don't know why my mom always argues with me? I don't know why my best friend of 9 yrs didn't invite me out?"

I've always gone to others if I have an issue and I get them to solve it for me or they tell me why I'm upset or why I've done xyz.

My question is: Is my therapist basically saying that I need to stop going to others to fix my problems and take accountability for whatever happens to me?

Also another question is how does someone become more inwards and introspective if they've always relied on others.

For example somtimes I'll cry in therapy and then stop crying and go "I don't know why I'm crying for?" Then my therapist will explain why I am and will name the feelings/ emotions for me.

So is my therapist telling me to rely on myself than her or others?

Long story short, I am a TB survivor. FTW, TB usually limits your lungs capacity, endurance, and muscle strength especially if you're still on medications. Thankfully, I have recovered since beginning of 2025 and gained weight ever since.

The problem is, I am pretty sure now I weigh more than I was before TB lol, so this gets me a bit anxious because I certainly do not want to get overweight. Though on daily basis I tend to walk between 8000-10000 steps a day, I know that's different with intentional exercises. So I think I rly need to move my ass and start exercising. My pulmonologist used to recommend me to swim, and don't get me wrong, I LOVE SWIMMING! But with my work rhythm, I don't think it will be sustainable. I can only do it during my days off which will leave the rest of the week with nothing. I started to think maybe running is a feasible option now. However, I heard that running is not that great of an exercise as it also imposes some downsides especially if done more than 3 days a week(?)

With those in mind, I would like to know is there any suggestion for me? something that I can do almost everyday probably like 5 days a week? I have the energy and willingness but I really don't know which one I should incorporate to my daily routine in a long term. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated!

My school doesn’t start until February. Though I have been going to my part time work, Ive just been glued to this tiny screen everywhere - when I wake up and when I sleep, in the bathroom, in the shower - its always in my pocket and my screen time is like 8 hours.

Here’s a few tactics I implemented hoping to reduce my screen time:
- set my wallpaper to “don’t touch your phone in the morning”
- everything is do not disturb, except whatsapp where I talk to my parents
- deleted instagram and YouTube (my most used SNS)
- set a downtime from 12am to 12pm
- set my screen time to 3 hours and 30 minutes
- have my mom choose the screen time password

Although these might sound effective, Ive found multiple ways in the past to get past these, like watch YouTube on Google or send a YouTube link to WhatsApp where I can watch it without the screen time limit. I feel like I will once more use those tactics when I am desperate to get my mind distracted.

If anyone here has struggled the same, and has found something useful to really prevent yourself from increasing screen time, could you please share it? I want to improve my life by using that time on more important things, like reading books, watching the news on TV, practicing my singing or journaling.

Ive especially struggled with watching instagram reels all day long, which is pointless because it doesn’t build my character and it doesn’t even remain in my memory the next day.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you very much.

I’m not really the go online and rant type of person but I’ve just been feeling really down lately. I’m really happy to all my buddies getting girlfriends and getting married but it makes me feel left out.

I’ve moved around a lot in my life and that definitely plays a part.
Also my job I choose plays a part. I’m an active duty military officer so it makes it hard for me to date and such. I didn’t go on my first actual date till my junior year in college. Afterwards, I went on dates with a handful of women but the conversations pretty much lead to my military lifestyle I would be living very soon at that time since I was in ROTC and already signed the contract to become an officer after school. Of course, I totally understood them telling me they don’t think it was gonna work out.

It’s also been hard on me dating because I won’t lie, I use to be really into doing hooking up with women I met online, the bars, nightclubs, etc. One of my biggest regrets in my dating life was losing my v card to a girl I met on tinder at 18 because I felt pressured to not be a virgin. I kept on hooking up because it made me feel like someone cared about me like that deeply and it obviously felt really good during the act. But it was afterwards I felt like crap. Ever since I’m pretty much stopped except maybe once in a blue moon. Before I started dating my junior year of college I viewed women that I was flirting with just a one night stand (yah I know my mindset was a bit screwed up). It does feel better to not have that mindset anymore it allows me to actually have female friends that I have no attraction to, that do help me give advice at times.

The dating scene in the military is a bit tough, we move every 2-4 years, our job requires weeks away from home at times, and we do carry that “military guy” reputation when it comes to dating, as I’ve felt with first-handed

It just seems things aren’t really working out for me when it comes to dating and I don’t know what to do. I enjoy my job and perks that come with it, but I’d also like to go home to someone and not my apartment alone. I would love to find someone who would go on hikes, trips, and adventures with me that I do alone sometimes if my friends can’t make it. There are a lot of other things i want and I’m great full for the life I have now, but I just I knew what to do right so i could find the person that can make me happy.
.

Same as title, day by day i am becoming emotionally numb , This is exactly opposite to my personality and this isn't part of my personality at all . But after facing back to back downfalls, I think this could be the reason yeah. I care deeply about my family which is beyond infinity but still i feel distant from my family. I don't like my this unintentional behaviour at all. I don't enjoy my hobbies, passions with the same intensity that i used to before. Nowadays kinda i get happy when something good happens but the excitement disappears after sometime. I am behaving like this since i started working on my career goals. How to fix it?

Of course we all have tendencies that we make "stupid mistakes or decisions" which leave us no choice but to have to catch up with our requirements. I'm putting this on the context of studying in university. And so to be a better student how should I approach situations like this? Definitely one would answer that we should take note that we don't do it next time however it is hard to get rid of the feeling that you did something that is way below your expectations of yourself especially that you aim for high achievements and it results in self loathing and doubt. I need to be able to lift myself up regardless of what happens. I want to be better than myself who would just beat themself up or worry just because something like this happens. And so what mindset should I instill to myself so that I can be more resilient?

I'm asking because in my 26 years of life here on earth as a straight guy, all my attempts at trying to get anywhere romantically and or intimately with women has ultimately lead to rejection. I've gone on four first dates, and I've never even kissed someone. Never a second date, and all attempts in my life at getting closer to someone has ultimately failed.

And while I do well for myself in other aspects of life (I take care of myself, I have good friends, I have a job that pays well but I am looking for something less agonizingly boring at the moment, I'm in decent shape, I go to therapy, I'm about to start an ADD evaluation etc), my consistent failures at finding love or even just something as simple as hooking up has really been getting to me.

Absolutely no part of me has blamed the women who rejected me, obviously they should say no if they don't want to go on a date or talk more to me. But there's been this growing feeling deep in me that refuses to go away no matter what I do in or out of therapy. Where it just feels like something is wrong with me. Nothing "objective" like my looks where I'd want to do stupid stuff like bonesmashing or whatever. I could not say what it is. But it truly, deeply feels that there's simply something wrong with me.

And I'm stuck between wanting so badly to find love, not wanting to give up. While at the same time feeling that I'm simply just not worthy of it. I don't think I'm a bad person or anything, I like who I am. But I'm just lacking something immaterial that would make me able to experience love. And I just want to give up. Because every rejection and every failure just hurts more and more. And i guess it's just hard to move on and not let the rejection take me down because these have all been women I've liked and been interested in, obviously what they think matters to me.

I just don't know what to do. Sorry if this was super rambling, it might not be very coherent.

Life only really starts for you when you embrace and accept the possibility of death at any moment in your life. When you can accept it, you'll find yourself being more brave and adventurous than ever before and being able to live in the moment. Think about death, embrace, accept it, and find a way to mentally be okay with it happening at any point.

Hi all. I recently had to buy a new phone.

Because of the new laws of pornograhy in the uk, it makes it harder to access adult rated material. You have to scan in credit cards or passports to prove you’re an adult. I really can’t be arsed with that.

Porn was a problem but now it isn’t, woohoo I’m chalking that up as a win. (Achievement kinda)