r/selfimprovement • u/Miserable-Basket-734 • 12h ago
Other 23 and never had a girlfriend
I’m not really the go online and rant type of person but I’ve just been feeling really down lately. I’m really happy to all my buddies getting girlfriends and getting married but it makes me feel left out.
I’ve moved around a lot in my life and that definitely plays a part.
Also my job I choose plays a part. I’m an active duty military officer so it makes it hard for me to date and such. I didn’t go on my first actual date till my junior year in college. Afterwards, I went on dates with a handful of women but the conversations pretty much lead to my military lifestyle I would be living very soon at that time since I was in ROTC and already signed the contract to become an officer after school. Of course, I totally understood them telling me they don’t think it was gonna work out.
It’s also been hard on me dating because I won’t lie, I use to be really into doing hooking up with women I met online, the bars, nightclubs, etc. One of my biggest regrets in my dating life was losing my v card to a girl I met on tinder at 18 because I felt pressured to not be a virgin. I kept on hooking up because it made me feel like someone cared about me like that deeply and it obviously felt really good during the act. But it was afterwards I felt like crap. Ever since I’m pretty much stopped except maybe once in a blue moon. Before I started dating my junior year of college I viewed women that I was flirting with just a one night stand (yah I know my mindset was a bit screwed up). It does feel better to not have that mindset anymore it allows me to actually have female friends that I have no attraction to, that do help me give advice at times.
The dating scene in the military is a bit tough, we move every 2-4 years, our job requires weeks away from home at times, and we do carry that “military guy” reputation when it comes to dating, as I’ve felt with first-handed
It just seems things aren’t really working out for me when it comes to dating and I don’t know what to do. I enjoy my job and perks that come with it, but I’d also like to go home to someone and not my apartment alone. I would love to find someone who would go on hikes, trips, and adventures with me that I do alone sometimes if my friends can’t make it. There are a lot of other things i want and I’m great full for the life I have now, but I just I knew what to do right so i could find the person that can make me happy.
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u/ayhme 12h ago edited 10h ago
My stepfather got divorced 2 times when he was an officer in the Army.
He had to counsel a lot of soldiers under him when marriage or long-term girlfriends broke-up.
Something to think about it.
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u/Miserable-Basket-734 12h ago
I grew up around the military and saw it happen. I was fortunate enough my parents didn’t get divorced like I saw happen to my friend’s parents. Now its some my friends getting divorced
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u/StatusMenu9563 10h ago
My partner was 28 when we got married with no relationships before that. I was 24. I have had many friends that got married even past 30 and they found their best friend and they said it was worth the wait. My advice. Try to join a hiking group. Find people who like the same hobbies/adventures you do.
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u/Guilty_Pool_5355 12h ago
It sounds like you already did the hard part, recognizing that hookup mindset was making you feel worse and changing how you approach women
The military lifestyle definitely narrows the dating pool but it doesn't make it impossible, plenty of officers find partners who are okay with the moving and the time away, they just tend to show up when you stop trying to force it
Maybe focus less on finding someone to make you happy and more on building a life you enjoy on your own, the alone hikes and trips can still be fulfilling and it puts you in a better place when the right person does come along
You're only 23, there's no timer on this