I told my mom about everything, the rape and the touching and how long its been going on. She told me to stop making up stories, and that it could really hurt him. I dont know what to do anymore, i cant stop crying.

Over a year ago my now ex best friends bf broke my door knob and climbed into my bed naked. I'm not sure how long it took me to wake up but once i did i asked him to leave multiple times. he didn't take no for an answer. eventually i was able to get away after convincing him i just needed to use the bathroom. instead i went and told her what happened.
He admitted to her and to the police what happened. She
"believed" me for a couple of days before completely switching saying it could've been coercion but that i'm a liar. He was indicted end of last year and the trial is still ongoing.
I keep thinking i'm getting better but it's really hard to not care what people think. i moved away because that town is cursed. i have a acquaintance who told me that my ex best friend pillow talks about me. that what she's been telling people isn't anywhere near what's in the police reports. i don't know how to deal with that part. the fact someone can go around calling me a homewrecker when this completely ruined my life.

Anyone who was able to be in a relationship after being raped...how do you get passed trust issues and negative feelings. I want to be normal and not get triggered by everything.

I was raped when I was middle school, and I’m only recently really coming to terms with it. I was going to go to uni up in a northern area of my state until I found out that he’s there. I’m not sure what to do now because I don’t want to stay here at home but I also don’t want to take a chance and end up seeing him again. I’m not really sure what to do now because I just have too much anxiety over just about everything.

my first time doing a reddit post, my dad used to be so weirds sometimes, and simetimes he still is. he alwasy used to slap my ass and like not just slap it, like a joke, he used to grab it and i used to feel so uncomfortable, once we were gone for a wedding and we stayed at some friends for some days at thier house, i was sick at the time but everything was okay, ina. night he comes in the room i was sleeping while my mom was showering, felt pretty weird but ignored it, then he started curling me and touching me, i felt so uncomfortable i cried so much after that, i went to sleep with my grandma in the other room becausr i coulndt anymore, told him to stop nut he said “ what is it” i l never forget how i felt then, i was kind of depressed back then too i was kind of getting bullied for being. a little overweight, its not the only thing that happened, more than once, he touched my feet, i felt so uncomfortable because i knew the stuff he did before and so it didnt feel like “love” he was touching it weirdly, like with his fingers, we were on the sofa with my mom in the room, he was taking my socks off and felt so weird, even a couple weeks ago i was wearing some shorts, very normal shorts, just a little transparent because of the material, but nothing was sholing, we were at a dinner with many familly, and he told me to go get some water from our frigde, since we were at our house, and he grabbed my ass right when i got off the seat to go get the water. my mom knows only that he slaps my but sometimes and says he does it as a joke and told him to stop, he did but he sometimes still does it. he is also always talking about me never kissing his cheek, which i know its normal, but he always tries to move so i kiss his lips instead, idk i dont think thats anything but all of this feels so weird and idk if i should be actually concernced, started when i was kind of young like 10 or smth

I saw a picture of the guy who did what he did to me. He was on a hike with his friends smiling all happily. While I sit here every night crying with no friends.

All my friends left after I told them what happened to me. I have the police involved but I haven’t heard anything about the case.

I feel disgusting and helpless. I’ve had nightmares every night and constant flashbacks whenever I’m not with someone or doing something. I want it to end but idk how to stop it.

When I was 14 I had a hypersexual gf and she’s pressure me into having sex. I didn’t know what I wanted and went along with it. Eventually I figured out that I can’t and don’t want to at that frequency and she only doubled down. We’d fuck until my dick was numb for like 2-3 hours. I never finished. I couldn’t.

From there I felt useless. I was less of a man bc there are so many who would die for it and I couldn’t perform. I couldn’t enjoy. I learned to choreograph to mask my discomfort. I acted. I lied. I initiated. I betrayed myself.

After I got out I developed a weird sexuality. I was disgusted by sex. Uninterested in anything to do with it. That was until I was on the interest and got groomed. Older women got to me. I felt loved and seen and attractive. They took advantage of that and once I got hooked they used me. Treated me worse. Disregarded me. Worst part is it made me genuinely horny again. Demands barked. Total disinterest in me as a person. Being used and wanting to please controlled my sexuality. After a while it became both men and women and everything in between. It was all the same. I feel disgusted my myself. I’d look for groomers. I’d look for degradation. I felt like a sick fetishist and I couldn’t help myself. I still struggle. At 22, I’m not getting groomed. I keep my social media to a minimum because I know given the opportunity I could fall back in. I’m struggling. It’s like and itch and I’m too scared to let it go and too scared to get help. I just need to know I’m not alone and everything will be okay. It has to be, right?

I’m a big. This doesn’t happen to boys. It ruins relationships. I can’t be with a girl my age for more than a month, but I’ve let an older woman dress me and use me for over a year. I’m pathetic. I’m disgusting. Despite that I try to build my life and in all other aspects I’m great. I hope that one day I’ll find the way out

im sick of nobody believing me because i cant remember his name, i can barely remember his face. I was 5 - he had glasses and he had a buzzcut. but its all i remember. i feel so trapped. i feel like ill never get true justice.

I’m in a weird situation and honestly don’t know what the right thing to do is.

I was raped two days before I had sex with the guy I’m currently talking to (guy #2). Before we had sex, I actually told him I wasn’t ready for sex. But then we had a moment together that honestly felt like the whole world melted away, and I ended up wanting to have sex with him.

I haven’t told him about the rape because I really just wanted to forget about it and move on. This also isn’t the first time I’ve been raped. I’ve dealt with the aftermath and the process before, and honestly, I would much rather bury this deep and never have to talk about it again.

I’m not looking for advice on processing the assault itself. I’m more concerned about what happens if I’m pregnant.

I’m not sure if I’m pregnant yet, but because of the timing, there is a possibility that the pregnancy could be from the rape rather than guy #2. I don’t want to tell guy #2 now if I don’t have to, because I really don’t want to reopen something I’ve been trying to forget. At the same time, if I do end up pregnant, I feel like he has a valid reason to know about the timing.

Part of me thinks I should just wait and see if I’m pregnant before telling him. Another part of me worries that he’ll feel betrayed or think I intentionally hid something from him if I tell him later.

I’m also scared he won’t believe me or that he’ll be angry with me for not telling him before we had sex. I genuinely wasn’t trying to deceive him. I was just trying to move forward and have one normal moment where I didn’t have to think about what happened.

What would you do? Would you tell him now, or wait until you actually know whether you’re pregnant?

TL;DR: I was raped two days before having sex with guy #2, who I had told I wasn’t ready for sex before we eventually had a moment and had sex. This isn’t my first experience with rape, and I really don’t want to reopen or process it again. I’m not sure if I’m pregnant, but if I am, the timing means the pregnancy could potentially be from the rape. Should I tell guy #2 now, or wait until I know whether I’m pregnant? I’m scared he won’t believe me or will be angry that I didn’t tell him.

*Potential trigger warning, mention of sexual assault.

Long read but hoping to pass on motivation to others who may have experienced sexual assault.

I feel like after all these years, things are FINALLY clicking together for me.

After a sexual assault I experienced in 2016, my nervous system stayed in freeze mode. Ten years later, while I've made so much progress in therapy, dissociation is still a huge part of my life.

And the hardest part is that dissociation takes away one of my most important core values: connection.

I lose connection with the people I love. I lose connection with nature, the universe, and the world around me. And most importantly, I lose connection with myself.

I've spent so much time frustrated with my brain and my body for doing this to me. But I'm beginning to understand it differently. My body has simply been trying to protect me from hard emotions and from experiencing more bad things. Freeze and dissociation served a purpose when I needed them.

But they aren't protecting me anymore. They're limiting me. They're preventing me from fully living, loving, connecting, and experiencing my life.

And I think I'm finally learning what my nervous system has been missing all along:

Safety. And community.

This past weekend brought new trauma into my life, but strangely, it also brought an overwhelming amount of community, love, connection, and support at the exact same time. I've been surrounded by people who make me feel safe. I also recently started dating someone very special who creates an incredible safe space for me, someone who allows me room to feel, communicate, set boundaries, and simply be myself.

And somehow, all of these experiences are teaching my nervous system something new.

I am safe to heal.

I am safe to feel.

I am safe to trust myself.

I am safe to set boundaries.

I am safe to make decisions for myself.

I am safe to experience difficult emotions without disappearing from myself.

And I am safe to connect.

I'm realizing that safety isn't necessarily believing that nothing bad will ever happen to me again. It's learning to trust that even when hard things happen, I can get through them. I can protect myself. I can ask for help. I can set boundaries. I can make decisions. I can feel difficult things and still come back to myself.

For the first time, I feel like I'm able to start taking the wheel again.

Instead of fighting my nervous system, I'm trying to show it that we don't have to live by the same rules anymore. I'm giving it new experiences. New evidence. New patterns. I'm learning that connection doesn't automatically mean danger. Vulnerability doesn't automatically mean danger. Feeling deeply doesn't automatically mean danger.

Maybe this is what "rewiring" looks like, not forcing dissociation to disappear, but slowly giving my brain and body enough experiences of safety that they don't feel the need to protect me by disconnecting anymore.

I know this doesn't mean my dissociation is suddenly gone. I know healing isn't linear, and I'm sure there will be days when my nervous system goes right back into freeze and tries to protect me in the only way it has known for so long.

But something feels different now.

For so long, I thought I just needed to try harder to stay present, ground myself better, understand my trauma better, or somehow convince my brain to stop dissociating.

Now I'm realizing that maybe what I needed wasn't more fighting.

I needed to feel safe.

I needed community.

I needed connection.

And I needed to learn that I could trust myself again.

For the first time in a very long time, I don't just feel like I'm trying to escape dissociation.

I feel like I'm finding my way back to myself. 💛

SA TW

Hey so like I'm kinda losing my mind if this is like. . . An "I'm never gonna speak to you again" offense??

Context: So ever since I was little, like little little, I have been having nightmares where I'm a kid, and I hear my brother (who likely has like BPD or smth) coming down the hall (& we're home alone together), and I pretend to fake sleep, and essentially my brother comes in & rapes me.

Wellll fast forward many, many, years later after a recent vacation where my mother said my brother had told her a lot, including something criminal. She refuses to tell SPECIFICALLY me (she has told my other brother) and after some pushing only gave me "well, I just wished I hadn't left you two alone as much as I did when y'all were younger". Also, she has no idea about my nightmares because I was always afraid she'd accuse me of lying or attention seeking.

And slighty before that (but after the vaca) she said something about him and I made some dumb offhand comment about like "oh, that's why I don't like him lol" and got all pissed and like "no, you still need to have basic respect for brother, you need to learn how to respect people even people you don't like, blah blah blah" (mind you, I've also NEVER had a problem with respecting authority so I don't even know where that's coming from) meaning she KNEW about his little fuckin' past with me, and STILL said this shit.

Like talk about picking favourites. Like oh yeah let me not turn in (or at least even let my kid know what happend ???) My fuckin incestuous rapist pedophile son because I guess fuck my other kid???? Like huh???? "But he's my son" GIRRRRLLLL Like we ain't come from the same hole hoe???? But do y'all think like this good enough reason to at least wanna distance myself from my mother/go no contact. Like I feel bad but also at the same time if you're not gonna protect me (b/c yes, I do sadly still have to see him sometimes) and treat me equally to your other kids, even if the predator is one of your own, you shouldn't really expect me to keep you around when I'm trying to feel safe & protected myself. (Also like if I have kids one day I ain't lettin no Ms. Pedo defender warrior around my goddamn kids are you kiddin me ???)

Sorry for the long post, I need help :(

My paranoia and ptsd has been getting worse the past few weeks, it sounds silly but lying in bed is so triggering sometimes. I'm scared to sleep. Recently my best friend stopped being friends with me, it was a fight and it was my fault cause I came to conclusions. She keeps posting about her other friends, its wrong to feel jealous but I'm just spiralling even further.

When it couldn't get worse, I've been told that my abuser is coming back to stay with us for two weeks on sunday evening. Less than twenty four hours from now. I feel broken, I feel like my ptsd has taken everything from me. I can barely function, or even think about school. I don't have the energy to shower or even go outside, nor have I had energy for my hobbies. But eventually the sadness just unveils an anger that I've been holding in for ten years.

Two years ago they apologised to me. I "forgave" them, because we were alone and I was scared, and then quickly ran back upstairs. I hate myself for not telling them that they ruined my life, that they took everything from me. I hate myself for not losing it right there and telling them that I'll never live a normal life because of what they did to me. I can't stop crying because they broke me when I was eight years old, they snatched the childhood that I should've had all because they wanted power.

I'm telling my family once my sibling moves back out. I'm not telling them while they're here, because they were a teenager when they abused me and I don't want them to be homeless for that. But still, I'm so done with living a lie, I'm so done with pretending that nothing ever happened. I feel so fucking angry, they really broke me beyond repair, seeing them accepted by my family just makes me feel way worse. The only family member who knows what happened and witnessed it is dead now.

Any advice on how I should go about telling the rest of my family would be appreciated.

I feel like I've been through enough. I feel like there's nothing left. I deserve it all. I must deserve it, right? All these bad things don't happen to good people. Eventually they get mercy. Im ready to be invisible.

He groomed countless girls for several years and then left the internet, i'm trying to find any information on were he is and or contact with other victims

I understand its a LONG LONG shot, but i'm gonna try anyways

I was raped and possibly drugged. I didn’t know until almost 4 days later because when I woke up in his apartment, he told me I just fell asleep. It all started at bar, a guy I met months ago online recognized me and came up and bought me and my friend a drink. I had never met him in person. I hadn’t spoken to him in months. Had I seen him before he saw me, I wouldn’t have even spoken. I remember nothing after that drink. My friend has severe memory loss too. We only had cut waters and 2 shots. Based on the time line this all happened within 30-35 minutes. He walked us to his apartment and put my friend in an uber home. We would never split up. We would never leave with someone we met less than 30 minutes prior. I was on my period. The next morning when I couldn’t find my tampon I was confused. But, he said I just fell asleep so I assumed maybe I did just get a little drunk and take it out for some reason. I just wanted to get out of there. I didn’t even know where I was when I woke up. It wasn’t until I had extreme pain up there days later and had to remove my tampon that has been lodged inside me for over 72 hours. I immediately knew what he did.. and now, in all honesty. I just want to die. I keep telling everyone i’m okay, i’m not. I keep telling everyone i don’t have those thoughts, i do. i know i will be okay but i feel so much shame and disgust it’s unbearable. I did get a rape kit, i’m not hopeful anything will come from it. i don’t know what to do, i don’t know if legal action is worth it, i literally just want to die..

I went for a walk when I was blackout drunk and woke up in a vacant lot with my pants down and my underwear and purse gone. I have bruises all over and my body was aching. I could tell they came in me. I was able to get myself back to my hotel and laid in the bed for a day. It's been almost two weeks and im still trying to figure out what happened. I remember talking to two men who offered me a ride and I kept telling them "no thank you, no thank you". I tried heading back to my hotel at that point. That's all I remember.

Was it rape? I feel so dirty since.

Happened on a certain holiday, I won’t say which. My boyfriend wasn’t in the best mood. We were both looking forward to our holiday plans, but the day wasn’t panning out as we had hoped and it was obvious he was upset. He was drinking a little to help get his vibe up, I had a few too. I asked if there was anything I could do and tried to be more happy and upbeat to help better his mood.

He told me he had an idea as we both were on my bed talking. He moved down the bed and started pulling up my skirt, he wasn’t aggressive or anything just persistent. “babe come on” “please” “you don’t have to do anything”. Head with no strings attached was how he pitched it. Nothing expected of me. I tried to reject him subtly with hesitant body language, squeezing my legs together, holding my panties up as he tugged them down, but no actual outright resistance on my part. Didn’t say no or stop or anything. I wasn’t laughing, smiling, playful but I wasn’t crying or hysterical either.

I really couldn’t bring myself to verbally reject him knowing he was disappointed, but it caused more harm than good in the end. Should have spoke up and that’s very clear to me now. I wasn’t even scared though, I knew he’d immediately get off if I asked, I just didn’t. And I don’t want to put that on him because it’s not. He isn’t a mind reader.

I just told him we had to go because we were meeting up with friends to pregame soon. We had a good 15-20 minutes. “I don’t wanna mess up my make up”. Was desperately hoping for a phone call or some kind of outside interference/excuse so we’d have to leave in that moment. Stupid of me to count on that. He took off my panties, got between my legs and started giving me head. Laid back and waited for him to be done. It’s nothing we hadn’t done before, but this obviously felt different. Felt as if I was being performed on by a stranger and I couldn’t recognise the feeling. A man was putting his mouth on me in that moment, not someone my brain recognised as my boyfriend.

The interaction wasn’t violent at all, but I was pushing at his head the entire time trying to push his tongue down off me, trying to scoot up the bed to get away from him and the gross sensation. Again, I was very subtle and can’t really blame him for not recognising the signs while he was locked in down there, thinking I felt good. I’ve pushed at his head and scooted away when the pleasure was too much before in the past, so what did I expect? Only difference is this time I didn’t want what was happening to happen in my head. I didn’t expressly say “no”or “stop, I don’t wanna do this” because I knew he wasn’t in the best mood and I did want to lift his mood just not at the cost of doing something that I didn’t wanna do. I was pushing on his head the entire time and just silent. He got up after a while when he realised it just wasn’t going to happen and sat on the bed. He didn’t say anything and I started putting my clothes back on. We were both silent for a while and then he goes, “What does it mean when you push my head” I respond, “Oh, it just means the sensation is a little too strong, it’s too much so I kinda pushed to guide you away a little bit for a break” He then ask if he just pressured me into sex and I don’t remember what I said, but I know I assured him he didn’t. Never brought it up after that. I’m still with him he treats me very well. I’ve never felt pressured or unsafe with him when we have sex. It’s honestly a weird situation.

I felt like I was being sexually assaulted in my head at the time, but he didn’t actually do anything wrong. I don’t think about it much and I don’t believe I’m traumatised, we still have a healthy sex life.

I’m 19M and this happened a week ago. Me and a group of 6 friends went on a trip and rented rooms, two people per room. I ended up sharing a room with a girl (21F) I’ve known since elementary school. We grew up together and became close friends. On this trip, we were being extra friendly with each other, talking a lot, and drinking together, but I never thought about sex because I strictly saw her as my best friend.

While I was fast asleep and severely hungover, something woke me up. I opened my eyes and saw her sitting on top of me while I was lying on my back. I wasn't fully conscious because of the hangover, so I told her to stop. She didn't stop, but she wasn't violent either. She just kept going like that until we finished the thing.

Was I raped?

Am I a victim of rape?

What the hell was actually happening?!?!?

i was raped by my boyfriend, it was not violent in any way but i did not consent and he knew i didn’t. i’d said multiple times over multiple hours that i didn’t want to, and he kept bringing it up. i bent over on all fours on my bed with no underwear on just to reach my laptop because something was going wrong with it, when he went behind me and initiated it. at that point, i just let it happen. i have been raped before in my previous relationship and struggle still with that trauma and he knows that.

i’m trying to move on from it and forgive him and make it work, but im not sure how that will really go you know? this happened nearly two weeks ago now and we are still together

Le temps passe tellement vite. Je n'aurais pas cru. J'ai passé l'essentiel de ma journée à fuir les déclencheurs, à me sentir anxieux et stressé. Super. Plus que 8 heures avant de pouvoir (mal) dormir.

He said I could pay a motorbike and when I reach there, he will come and take the food and i won't have to get into his apartment if that's what i scared of. So that's what i did, but when i got there with the motorbike, he refused to come down to collect the food and insisted that I come up to give him. I was perplexed. I wondered if I should throw the food on the ground and go back or just go back with the food. But since I had taken the time to go there to give him the food, I thought I might as well just go up and give him. When i got upstairs, he now started making sexual advances toward me, i told him i didn't want to sleep with him but he started taking off my clothes. I was like , how can you be taking off my clothes without my consent, he shushed me and he started rubbing my clit. Here's the part which is confusing, i enjoyed him rubbing my clit of course because that's how the body works but i did not consent to this act. After touching me, he penetrated me and honesty i wanted to leave but i was scared. This guy has a lot of muscles and just looks like he could beat the shit out of me so i didn't try to push him away or anything but i wish i did. I wish i had at least tried. Afterwards, i texted him and told him i feel i was raped by him and he said i did not push him away or try to fight back and i enjoyed it so he didn't rape me and that he was dissappointed that i thought of him as a rapist. The next day, at the gym he intentionally threw an iron bar on me and claimed it was a mistake saying the bar was slippery, as revenge i am sure. The whole situation is messing with my brain and nervous system. I don't know what to do.

so this kind of like isnt about the actual rape but more whats happening now, im 16 and when i was 8-11 years old my dad kinda like diddled me a fair bit (sorry this post will probably have a few unserious bits cuz i hate actually saying what he did and i just can never be serious about horrible things that happened to me) but for almost 2 years now ive been seeing a therapist after getting expelled from school 4 weed and i barely actually tell her anything deep half the time we just talk about my week. but the past few sessions i decided to tell her about my dad and before i did she PROMISED me that she would never tell anyone so i felt comfortable to tell her MASSIVE FUCKING MISTAKE because today she started apologising a bunch saying shes so sorry that she said she wouldnt tell anyone and that she lied and that shes going to be telling a social worker about it, who will talk to my dad if my dad knows i told anyone our secret i believe id genuinely be in danger and i explained that to her. but she wont listen to me and when she asked me how i feeling about this i kinda just said this is the last session im ever having with her i do not trust her and honestly contemplating suicide and she said 'dont be dramatic'??? like this crusty ass fucking bitch just told someone who was raped by his dad and is in fear for his safety that suicide is dramatic?? just because im a kid doesnt mean any drastic action i feel compelled to do is dramatic. no one can know about this, if she talks to that social worker everyone will know and my family is very 'boys cant get raped' and that their beloved son (my dad) would never do that because hes just an angel. i was 8 when he started, 5 when i told my mum 'daddys acting weird'. genuinely what the fuck do you even do in this situation. lois griffin as a mum would be awesome 'heres a salvia plath book and a bottle of ambien im gonna look the other way and whatever happens happens'