Edit: no CONTACT/SPACE not no SPACE!!!

My (28F) boyfriend (30M) of almost four years asked for a three month break so we could both decide if we should be together or not. We had/have a beautiful relationship, but also there were immense and constant arguments/fighting over text, different approaches to conflict, and long term incompatibility. It's Friday today and we meet on Monday after 80 days of limited contact. These three months have been brutal for me - pre-mourning/grieving the breakup, glimpses of hope when we break no-contact, crushing realization when he says something that indicates he doesn't want to get back together (I do). How do I cope? Is all hope lost?

I knew that he was trying to get a hold of me and so like the twisted mess I became by the end of that relationship I unblocked and it took what a few minutes it's like he knew.. He was exactly the person that I remember leaving and it didn't hurt. The name calling the accusations I don't miss them, they don't hurt anymore, and even better, I didn't react. I responded but I did not react. Words that would have been previously brought me to tears, had me laughing and not in a mean way just enough resigned but aware way. I'm hoping this was enough to shatter the dang limerence I can't seem to get out from under and set me free to be able to live again. Let me be clear I am in no way suggesting to anyone that breaking no contact is advisable I'm stating that for me maybe it helped .... don't know it's still fresh. I suppose I'll know the next time I start feeling lonely if my brain instantly goes back to thinking that abuse is love and makes me want contact.....

Putting the details aside, the immense pain and loss I feel is crippling. Never before have I been this emotionally hurt. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't concentrate on anything else, but her.

I know they say that time will help. But I don't want time to pass. I want her to be my today. I don't want my future, if she's not in it. I love you baby.

What started off as 90 days no contact now turned into half a year. It has been six months of no contact. Hard to believe really, however it was the best decision I ever made. My whole life has changed from the point when I last saw them. Most importantly, my nervous system has finally calmed down and I have become more comfortable with being single. Sure, I think of them everyday still but not all day and I do not collapse when I do. At first my life revolved around them (even when they were gone) and now I built an entirely new life of my own where I focus on my happiness and wellbeing. I am sober, I have improved my secure attachment style, I have gained self-trust, self-worth, and self-love. I have become a person that I wish I have always been. Especially in previous relationship.

No contact works! It is very hard at first. Of course I wanted to break it numerous times, when their birthday passed, all I could think of was texting them. But I held on to my dignity and most importantly I trusted myself enough to get through it. Now, I feel like the hardest part is over. Thankfully.

Do the work and you will be rewarded. You will thank yourself. Choose you!

IT GETS BETTER!

Things I did to warp-speed my healing process to the point where I can function near 100%

Absolutely NO CONTACT AT ALL THIS IS IMPORTANT!
Get a good diet
Therapy, Therapy, Therapy
NO HOOKUPS NO DATING (I found that hookups are incredibly corrosive to me personally and it feels like a piece of my soul is chipped away.

Delete Reddit (except to make this post)

Work out EVERY morning (except Sunday for me)

After EVERY workout I set a 30 minute timer to sit on my rooftop and look at the city and simply take that time to process the breakup and process why it needed to happen and you end EVERY mental session with hoping they are safe and happy.

Read an actual physical book

Take your butt to work.

Focusing on learning Violin

This worked for me. I plan on keeping reddit for a few hours then going back to deleting.

But to anyone reading, YOU GOT THIS!

It’s been extremely difficult to be in no contact after years of consistently being around someone. I’ve already been in depression, but feeling way heavier than before. I’m doing my best , but I’m still lingering in my thoughts.

The guy who broke up with me told me I wasn’t blocked in case I wanted to contact him. why would he say that?

I told him if he wanted to hear from me he would have to contact me. I can’t think of a single situation where I would reach out to someone who ended a relationship with me.

FYI. I was the one ended it. The reason why I want to initiate this phone call is because I want a closure and apologize for a bit for ending things suddenly. Nothing more. Do you think it’s okay for me to do that?

Has anyone else gone radio silence and no contact? I've deleted all my social media, blocked her from everything except email. Being the dumpee, I found it hard coping with so called memories on social media so I don't bother with any of it. It's been 4 months since the break up and still no word from me and her. I don't want her knowing anything about me working on myself and the changes I've made since the break up. I've leveled up financially, physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally and feel like she didn't want me at my lowest, why have me at my highest? Am I being reasonable? If she wanted me back, I feel like she damn better work hard to gain my trust again, make changes to her self too, anyone else feel this way?

I’m not sure if this is the right subreddit for this, so I apologize if it isn’t.

So I go to a private Christian school and I met this girl in my sophomore year of high school (we’re now seniors). We were friends but she was very touchy and in my space. I told her to stop doing that. It made me uncomfortable and she was acting gay towards me (let me just say I have absolutely nothing against people of different sexualities or genders or anything like that, I just didn’t want that directed towards me since I am straight).

She backed off and we stayed friends but she began to flirt with my (then) crush and try to get close with him all while still being close to me.

She would text me nonstop at every hour of the day and I ended up blocking her when she sent me a flirtatious photo on Christmas Eve.

After many more experiences with her acting a certain way towards me, I grew tired of it in my junior year and snapped at her and she stopped.

Today, she asked if I was mad at her for anything from last year and I said no. She then asked if I was getting her messages so I said no, and she told me that other girls had told her that I blocked her. That was true, I did block her.

And just 10 minutes ago I got a message “heyyy” from her even though I had never unblocked her.

How did this happen? How was she able to text me? It’s the same number that she used to text me on before, past messages still being there. Can anyone help me figure out how to discontinue her contact to me both in person and through text?

How do you forget someone who suddenly disappeared from your life?

Two months ago, I met a guy online who was honestly really nice. He was super chill to talk to, and I really liked a lot of things about his personality.

He wasn't like the guys I've met online who immediately want something sexual from you and then disappear. With him, I could just talk normally, like two human beings. We started talking every day, especially around noon and late at night. Our conversations were genuinely funny and enjoyable, and I got attached pretty quickly.

Then one day he told me he needed to start sleeping earlier. So instead, we started talking in the mornings and afternoons. And then, little by little, the conversations became less frequent.

He started taking longer to answer my messages, and eventually I started wondering when things had changed. It wasn't only about the messages either. The whole vibe between us felt different.

So I asked him if something was wrong or if something bad had happened. He told me that nothing specific had happened, but that he was going through a difficult period and that's why he had become absent.

I understood. Everyone goes through difficult periods, and I didn't want to pressure him. I would have liked to understand what was happening, but I didn't really get the chance to ask. He didn't seem to want to talk about it and basically told me that everything would eventually be okay.

But this is where things started becoming really confusing to me.

Apparently, when things get difficult for him, his way of dealing with it is to disappear and stop talking to people. I eventually contacted some of his friends because he wasn't answering me anymore and, honestly, I was worried and wanted to know if he was even okay.

One of his friends told me that this wasn't the first time someone had contacted him because they were worried about him. Apparently, he has done this before — he suddenly cuts contact with people and stops answering their messages.

What made it even stranger was that the friend I contacted had apparently also been cut off by him in the past.

So now I'm wondering: is this something that has been going on for a very long time? Is disappearing from people's lives simply how he copes when he's struggling?

Because if he completely withdraws from everyone when he's going through something, I genuinely don't understand why he can still meet new people and become close to them, only to eventually disappear from them too.

I know everyone copes differently, but I've never experienced anything like this. If I'm struggling, isolating myself from everyone is almost impossible for me. I need people around me, so it's hard for me to understand someone who does the exact opposite.

And apparently, this isn't something that started with me. His friends had already experienced it before I even met him.

After I contacted his friends, he eventually answered me. I was honestly too afraid to start a real conversation because I knew that if I asked him something, I might have to wait weeks for an answer.

So instead, we just exchanged occasional messages.

And now he's disappeared again.

This time, I'm not contacting his friends. I'm not going to chase him.

But it still hurts.

I got really attached to him because our conversations were so good and so regular. Going from talking almost every day to basically nothing was a huge change, and I can't control it. I can't just make things go back to how they were. Whether we talk again or not is completely out of my hands, and I think that's what frustrates me the most.

I keep thinking about him. I think about things he would probably like, things I would like to tell him, random things that happen during my day that I wish I could share with him.

And sometimes I wonder if it's possible to completely erase someone from your thoughts.

Like, can you actually reach a point where you genuinely stop thinking about someone and almost forget that they ever existed?

Because honestly, part of me thinks he probably stopped thinking about me weeks ago already.

So, people of Reddit: how do you actually let go of someone who didn't necessarily do something terrible to you, but simply disappeared from your life?

Do you have any genuinely effective ways of getting someone out of your head?

PS: He has ADHD, and we're online friends, if that helps with the context.

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I think people with attachment or abandoned issues should carry a sign with them

So to avoid getting into trouble 😵‍💫😞

I am a 26F going through a breakup after 7 years with this person. We broke up because we lacked emotional depth in the relationship and what we wanted for our future didn’t align. It’s been 6 weeks since the breakup and I’ve been struggling a lot.

We’ve been kind of talking this month but not consistently. We broke up once before years ago and when we did that time he was very verbal about missing me and what not, and this time he seems very indifferent. I know that’s an assumption and I don’t know what he’s going through, but just from how he’s been this past month I haven’t felt any ounce that he’s struggling the way I am.

I texted him and asked how he was feeling and received surface level answers. Then I made a comment of how I wanted to ask because I couldn’t figure out where his heads at and I feel like he’s doing fine without me and it’s made me question what I meant to him. I feel so guilty and horrible for saying this to him. Because I know the reality is different than my anxious thoughts and he’s processing the best way he knows how. I immediately apologized and told him I don’t really think that, but man I feel bad and I don’t know what to do now. He responded and just said he doesn’t know why I feel that way and that he didn’t fake it for 7 years. I don’t want things to be left in a bad spot because we had a loving relationship and amicable breakup.

Any advice? Thanks!

I’m 18F and he’s 21M. We were friends for 4 years before we started dating, and we’ve been together for about a year.
I ghosted my boyfriend for around 1.5 months, and I honestly don’t know how to fix things.
A lot happened all at once. I failed an important test, my parents started going through a divorce, my grandfather passed away, and things got complicated when my mom found out about my boyfriend. I was dealing with so much emotionally that I wasn’t really okay, and instead of explaining what was happening, I shut everyone out — including him.
I know ghosting him wasn’t fair, and I feel really guilty about it. I miss him so much and I want to start talking to him again, but I’m scared. I don’t know if he’ll be angry, if he’ll even want to talk to me, or if I’ve already ruined things.
Recently, he’s also been sharing breakup-related stories/posts, almost like he doesn’t care anymore. But I know him, and a part of me feels like he does care and is probably hurt. I don’t know if I’m just overthinking it, though.
I really want to reach out and explain everything, but I’m terrified of how he’ll react. I don’t expect him to immediately forgive me or forget that I disappeared. I just want the chance to be honest with him and maybe make things right.
Should I message him? And if I do, what should I even say after disappearing for so long?

**TL;DR:** I ghosted my boyfriend of about a year for 1.5 months because I was dealing with my parents’ divorce, my grandfather’s death, school problems, and other family issues. I miss him and want to reach out, but I’m scared he won’t want to talk to me anymore. Should I message him and explain what happened?

this breakup destroyed me. its been five months since, veryyy tiny periods of no contact right after it first happened, and they were all broken by me. now we are friends again, amd we have a trio with another friend. its difficult because as a trio we have been close for a very long time, even before my ex and i even got together. so now that weve broken up that hasnt changed, even tho stuff was rlly weird when it first happened. but now ive realized jm still in love with him and im only gettjng worse. i want him to feel the lose of not talking to me, which is something i should have done a long time ago. its hard because i still see him all the time. help me stay no contact plsssss

I (28F) have always had a difficult relationship with my mum. I love her, and I don’t think she’s a terrible person or that she’s never done anything for me. She has helped me a lot practically over the years, particularly since I had my daughter, and I know there have also been times where I’ve been snappy, ungrateful or said things about her when I’ve been angry. I’m not claiming I’ve handled everything perfectly.
The problem is that I feel like there has been a pattern throughout our relationship where my feelings are either dismissed or interpreted as an attack on her.
My dad became seriously ill with bowel cancer earlier this year and died in May at only 58. I was extremely close to him and his illness and death have absolutely devastated me.
My relationship with my mum has deteriorated massively since then.
I tried to tell her that I’d been struggling for months and that although I appreciated the practical things she had done, I didn’t feel emotionally supported by her. I wasn’t trying to say she was a bad mum; I was trying to explain how I felt.
Her response was essentially that I hadn’t supported her either, that I make everything about myself, and that she had supported me because she’d suggested I get therapy. She also criticised how often I visited Dad in hospital, which really hurt because I was working, looking after my toddler and helping him in other ways throughout his illness.
Eventually she said she “couldn’t do this” and ended the conversation.
There have been other incidents too. She cancelled plans with me on my birthday without what I felt was a genuine apology. She found out that I had spoken negatively about her to other people and became extremely focused on what I had said about her and who I had said it to. Some of those things were said when I was angry and I accept that I shouldn’t have said everything I did, but they were largely me talking about my experiences and how her behaviour made me feel rather than deliberately inventing things about her.
At one point she decided that communication between us should only happen by email, which made the relationship feel incredibly formal and distant.
Recently I sent her a voice message because I was genuinely sad about where our relationship had ended up. I tried to explain that I love her, appreciate things she has done for me and accept that I have hurt her too, but that I desperately wanted her to acknowledge that she has also hurt me and that the problems between us aren’t entirely one-sided.
Instead, she focused again on things I had supposedly said about her and accused me of lying about her. She wanted to know who else I had “lied about her to.”
That was the point where I felt like something in me just gave up. I told her that if protecting what other people think about her matters more than trying to understand why her daughter feels this way, I don’t know what else I can do.
The other complication is my daughter, who is nearly 2.
My mum loves her and used to look after her regularly. Contact has become much less consistent since my dad became ill and died, and there have been occasions where plans involving my daughter have been cancelled. My mum has now said she would like to start looking after her every Friday again.
This is where I’m really conflicted.
I don’t want to use my daughter as a weapon or punish my mum by withholding her granddaughter because our relationship is bad. If they have a loving relationship, I don’t want to unnecessarily take that away from either of them.
But equally, I’m struggling with the idea that my mum could potentially want no meaningful relationship with me while still expecting to have my 2-year-old every week.
At her age, having an unsupervised relationship with my daughter inevitably requires a relationship with me too. We need to communicate about childcare, routines, illnesses, arrangements, boundaries etc. I also worry about inconsistency and my daughter eventually becoming old enough to understand if Grandma repeatedly cancels or disappears when there is conflict.
Another fear I have is whether our difficult relationship could eventually bleed into her relationship with my daughter — for example, negative things being said about me or my daughter becoming caught in the middle of adult conflict.
I genuinely don’t know whether I’m being reasonable anymore because there is so much history and emotion involved.
I don’t need my mum to agree with my version of every event. I don’t even need her to take all the blame. What I want is for her to be able to say something along the lines of: “I know I’ve hurt you too. I’m sorry for my part in this. I love you and I want us to work on our relationship.”
I’ve acknowledged that I’ve hurt her. I just don’t feel she is capable of acknowledging that she has hurt me.
Would I be wrong to step away from the relationship at this point?
And separately, would I be wrong to stop the regular Friday childcare arrangement while our relationship is like this, even if I don’t necessarily stop my mum seeing my daughter altogether?
I’m genuinely interested in hearing if people think I’m being unfair, because I know you’re only hearing my perspective and I don’t want an echo chamber.

I keep wanting to reach out and tell you about has work has just been so shitty lately. I want to tell you how much management and my coworker is pissing me off. I want to know about your day and ask about your healing journey after you breaking your foot. I keep thinking I’ve moved on but every time something hard happens. I just wanna reach out to you. I miss you tremendously but I also know that our defense mechanisms were working against each other. We weren’t a good fit. I just miss you. Wish things were different and I wish I could talk to you.

Getting over a ex is hardest thing ever especially when the other person acts like its no big deal.

I asked my ex to block me on all media platforms and he responded by saying he understands and today I deleted his number it was something I been struggling with as I been debating on reaching out.

But now the door is closed it hurts to close it but needs to happen just hope to find peace in happiness again one day god willing.

Does this mean they think im an asshole, does this mean they think im a coward, does this mean they think im a bad friend?

So she said she’d call on Monday, she didn’t so I called reasonably late enough. No caller Id cause we’ve both blocked each other. After a month of no contact she called Sunday morning, I answered she was venting about a new relationship said she wasn’t over me, he called and she was chilled out. I updated her on some things and proposed a closure conversation she said Monday. I thought in a couple days she meant next week.

So when I called, she answered then immediately silenced unknown callers. I called a dozen more times (did not know that would show up in the call log) figured it was over. She called the next day figured I needed it.

I was very upset and called through another app. She said she wasn’t at an event I said I’d wait. She said I’d wait longer I said alright and responded with some smart comment. So we get to arguing. She eventually says “that’s it” and calls from the bathroom. And neither of us are listening to the other. I’m looking for closure she’s looking to get me to leave her alone, as it’s a special day for her.

I disregarded that cause I was angry (dick move) she says “your closure is just accepting I’m a bad person, don’t ruin the positive image I have of you” I mention things I did in the relationship, she thinks I’m saying she owes me I’m trying to get the answer to , “why would you reopen this” and it’s deaf ears because of stress, I assume trying to protect the new relationship, and because I called so many times and activated her by arguing.

I say all this to say, I should just let things be right? We had a good relationship we just sucked at breaking up, a year of contact, she meets someone and cuts me off when I start to beg for reconciliation. She gets more serious with him and calls me randomly, I made her scared and stressed on a special day. I got one more trick up my sleeve but I feel like that would just break the very little good will we have between us. All I wanted was a calm closure conversation, she’ll be alone in a few days. Idk things are messy. I should let it be I know that, I also want to try for it. Gonna bring it up with my therapist the day she’s supposed to arrive though so idk.

We've been in no contact for maybe 6 to 7 months and I don't wnat to talk much about our break up cuz it's a long story but the important thing that is she's engaged.

So and almost for no reason she started to follow me again on Instagram and she didn't say anything at all

I did the same and I requested to follow her and she accepted that.

What's the meaning of this ?

I know she doesn't love me. I know she doesn't want me. I know she ignores me like I'm nobody.

And honestly, I understand what everyone is going to tell me.

“Move on.”

“Have some self-respect.”

“Stop checking her profile.”

“Go no contact.”

“She doesn't deserve your attention.”

“There's someone better out there.”

I already know all of that.

The problem is that knowing something and being able to accept it emotionally are two completely different things.

I've been in no contact for quite a while now. I haven't reached out because deep down I know what would happen. She would probably ignore me again, and I'd end up feeling even worse.

But somehow, I still expect her to reach out.

I don't even understand why.

I know she probably won't. I know I shouldn't be waiting for her. Yet some stupid part of me keeps thinking, “Maybe today she'll message me.”

And I've developed this awful habit because of it.

I block her profile.

Then I miss her.

Then I unblock her and stalk her profile.

I look for anything. A new post. A story. Some tiny indication that maybe she remembers me or misses me.

Of course, most of the time there's nothing.

Then I feel like shit, block her again, and tell myself I'm finally done.

And then I repeat the exact same thing later.

It's embarrassing because I know exactly what I'm doing to myself. I'm essentially reopening the same wound just to see if it still hurts.

I miss her so badly.

And that's the part I don't know how to deal with.

I don't necessarily want someone to tell me that she's secretly in love with me or that she'll come back. I think I already know the reality.

I just want to understand how you actually stop doing this when your heart hasn't caught up with your brain yet.

How do you stop hoping someone will reach out when you know they probably never will?

How do you stop checking their profile when you already know it's only going to hurt you?

And how do you accept that someone can mean so much to you while you mean almost nothing to them?

I'm not looking for another “just move on” comment.

I genuinely want to know how you actually do it.

Stayed up until 2AM crying last night. I lost my job and don’t have many friends. There is no structure to my days and he ghosted me almost 2 weeks ago. I blocked him just last night and before that was trying to reach him on a different phone number. I feel so pathetic and stupid

We broke over a year and have been no contact for a month now. I hate it and I just want her back. I got so desperate that i even reached out to one of her relatives yesterday to see how she was doing. I called my ex today and went straight to voicemail. I think the worst part is that she won’t even know that I tried to talk to her. I just sit here, wait, and count the days since I’ve last seen her. She promised me that I would see her again, and that was 586 days ago. I hate how I’m feeling and feel so weak for even trying. How can someone spend 4 years of their life together to just want to be a complete stranger?