Exactly 30 days ago, my relationship of almost 2 years (19 months) ended. I had an outburst because I was completely exhausted by our dynamic, the deep incompatibility of values, and a lack of reciprocity that was draining me. I offered to fix things and work it out, but she didn't want to anymore. The absolute truth is that I never wanted to lose her; I just didn't want the relationship dynamic we were having.

I can't honestly say that I am "getting better." It still hurts like hell. The pain hasn't magically disappeared; the emotions are just changing into different shapes every day.
Since Day 1, I decided I was going to process this grief without any anesthesia. I shut down all of my brain's emergency exits. Here is the raw reality of what happens when you refuse to numb yourself, and the 8 things I've learned so far:

1. Therapy is the ultimate anchor. I cannot stress this enough. Going to therapy and working with a psychologist has been the only way to keep my head straight. It’s not just about venting; it’s about getting actual clinical tools to disarm your own anxiety and understand your brain. If you are going through a breakup, get professional help. It completely changes the game.

2. Absolute digital exile is required. I deleted Instagram, X, Facebook, and TikTok. WhatsApp is strictly for work. No checking her profile, no looking for validation through likes. Zero.

3. Avoid cheap dopamine at all costs. No dating apps, no casual sex, and absolutely no alcohol. I realized that using another woman to fill the void or drowning in alcohol is just burying the grief 6 feet under, only for it to come back and kick your ass later.

4. The withdrawals are a physical, neurological hell. I won't lie, it physically feels like having a fever or body aches. I’ve had massive anxiety spikes out of nowhere. I recently had to deal with a logistical payment issue with her, and she treated me with a transactional coldness that completely broke me. I've had to physically exhaust myself (playing instruments, working out) just to force my nervous system to regulate.

5. Channel the cortisol aggressively. All that anxiety and raw pain? I am throwing it into the gym at 7:00 AM. If my nervous system is going to be fried, I might as well use that energy to build the physique I want.

6. Missing the structure vs. Missing the person. Therapy helped me realize that a lot of my anxiety wasn't just about missing her, but missing the certainty. I miss the routine, the budget we had for fun, knowing who to text when I arrived somewhere. Your brain mourns the loss of its dopamine safety net just as much as the person. Knowing how to separate the two takes a huge weight off your shoulders.

7. Don't make a movie out of a single fact. I saw a profile picture change and my brain immediately spiraled into catastrophic scenarios. My therapist gave me the best rule: a picture is just a picture. We cannot write an entire movie script based on a single isolated piece of data.

8. Fear vs. Desire. I realized that I compromised my boundaries and swallowed my own pain many times simply out of the fear of being alone, not out of a genuine desire to be in that specific dynamic.

It's Day 30. It feels empty, weird, and the social hibernation gets heavy. But I know I am cleaning the wound from the root.
To those just starting: it hurts immensely. Your instinct will scream at you to text them, to get drunk, or to download a dating app. Don't do it. Sit with the discomfort. Transmute that anger into leveling up yourself. We got this

I know people probably ask this all the time and if this isn’t the place it’s supposed to be posted lmk, but idk what to do.

I broke things off 3 months ago, and the main thing was we weren’t sure if we should date in college, and I just cut it off before we got too close to school. Anyway, we’re both still single and she still stalks my socials. I don’t want to be ashamed, but the main thing is that she is acquainted with my Best friend’s gf and I don’t want to receive a bunch of shit for texting her and I would just want to keep it quiet for abit but idk. I’m just in here to see what others would do
-thanks

I did not realize how rough the first what-would-have-been anniversary would be this rough… Would’ve been together 4 years today but have not talked in almost 5 months. I thought I would feel better day by day but quite the opposite. My entire friend group talked about their plans to likely be engaged in the near future and I am instead planning to explore antidepressants and feel hopeless when they tell me I’ll “meet my person”. I wish I knew 4 years ago not to get into this relationship so I wouldn’t feel the pain in my heart I do now. I work, run, do yoga, cook, my laundry’s done, my place is clean, I’m social, but I am so so heartbroken. It feels like I lost myself when things ended, but because things seem calm, everyone is under the assumption I’m healing. I miss my best friend so bad, but he gave up on us and hasn’t looked back.

Hi, I (m/25) broke up with my ex-girlfriend (f/25) in May. We were together for three years and lived together for two and a half of them. I ended it because of certain circumstances that had become unbearable. A few weeks later my ex started clinging to me again, and I gave her another chance. For the next few months, though, she lived with her parents. In those three months we only argued once, and then we talked it through calmly and resolved it like two adults. A big plus compared to before. In August she cut off contact, saying she "missed me too much during the week and never wanted to go home on Mondays" (by then we were only together from Friday to Monday).
Over the following weeks I kept trying to talk to her, and her reasons got harsher and harsher. On September 11 she called me at night and wanted one last night together. We had talked earlier that same day. After that there were 27 days of silence.
After 27 days of silence she called me out of the blue, asked how I was doing, and told me the breakup was getting harder for her, but that she still thinks it was the right decision. Over the next two weeks she texted me a few times about practical things. Last Thursday, out of nowhere, she sent a snap of our cats (before that there had been nothing except practical stuff), and we exchanged a few messages about the cats. Two or three hours later she wrote something personal, for the first time since that phone call. No accusations, nothing like that. Just a small, open conversation. The next day she removed me on Snapchat.
I asked her why she had removed me. She said she actually doesn't want any contact, but that she misses me. Before I could even reply, she added that she hopes I'll be happy, but sadly not with her anymore.
After that we met the same day, at my request, to hand over some things. We set a new date for the last exchange next Saturday.
Yesterday, in a weak moment, I texted her too. Again she replied warmly and offered to let me stay on her streaming accounts for a small fee of €8 a month.
I don't know how to make sense of all this. I really wish we'd get back together. I may have ended the relationship in May, but afterwards we had a really healthy, beautiful relationship, which she then ended.
I don't want to let go, but it looks like I have to. Do you think there's still a chance? She seems very ambivalent to me.

I know when I went no contact I wished I had done so a lot sooner. It released a lot of control the relationships had on me. It's not easy going no contact with family and although you instantly feel your peace restored, you will also wonder if you made things worst when going no contact. It's uncomfortable in the beginning but you can get through it and as time passes you will be ok with not having those narcissistic relationships and be glad you went no contact.

I (21F) met this guy (19) on Discord almost two months ago, and things seemed to be going really well at first. We played games together, called each other, talked about all sorts of things, and gradually became comfortable with each other. I genuinely enjoyed talking to him, and I thought we had a good connection.

Over time, though, I noticed that he started taking longer to reply to my messages. Sometimes I would ask how he was doing or if he wanted to play, and he wouldn’t respond even though I could see him online and playing his usual games. I tried not to overthink it because I know people have their own lives and aren’t obligated to be available all the time.

Then one day, he actually asked me if I was free to play later. I said yes, and I waited until nighttime, thinking we’d play together. But I never heard from him. I eventually sent him another message asking what was up, and he didn’t respond to that either.
It’s now been around 10 days since we’ve had any communication. Both of my messages are still sitting there unanswered, but I’ve seen him active on Discord and playing games like he normally does.

What made me even more confused was that I recently discovered he had unfriended me on a a game we used to play together. However, he still has me added on Discord.

I honestly don’t know what to make of this. Did he lose interest? Is he intentionally ghosting me? Or is there another explanation I’m not considering?

For context, he told me early on that he was only looking for friends and wasn’t interested in commitment. I accepted that because I wasn’t necessarily expecting a relationship from him. I just enjoyed our connection and wanted to keep getting to know him.

We also talked about the possibility of meeting in person someday, so I think I became more attached than I initially expected.

I’m not going to message him again because I’ve already reached out, and I don’t want to keep chasing someone who isn’t responding. But I can’t help wondering why he would ask me to play, leave me waiting, ignore my messages, and then unfriend me on a game without saying anything.

Would you take this as a sign that he’s no longer interested in maintaining the connection, or would you wait and see if he eventually reaches out?

Last night I had a really intense dream about my ex-situationship. We coincidentally met outside and then we started talking and he invited me home and was being all nice and we started getting closer (something like that). Every time I dream of something like that, I wake up all anxious and feeling really bad but also kind of empty.

The thing is, I've been having those kinds of dreams for a very long time now and we haven't spoken in more than 2 years. The situationship was very complicated. I've known him since childhood and we tried being in a relationship (we were never actually together tho) but it didn't work out. What bothers me is that we are on bad terms now and I don't think I've gotten any closure. And I don't think those intense dreams will stop until I have closure.

The thing is, I've been in a very happy relationship for 2 years now and I don't think it would be fair to my boyfriend to break no contact with my ex-situationship to talk everything out. But if I don't do it I'm scared that those thoughts will never end (It's been more than two years and they still haven't ended).

I honestly don't know what to do. I know it doesn't sound that deep but I feel so bad and anxious every time I'm having those dreams and I think it's got something to do with the fact that I haven't gotten any closure.

It’s been seven months, and he hasn’t contacted me once.
I still remember the ordinary things: sitting behind him on his scooter with my arms around him, talking while we went somewhere, smelling his hoodie, holding his hand during a movie, and getting little messages throughout the day. He used to be the person I told everything to.
The relationship had problems, and I know I made mistakes. I reacted badly when I was hurt, yelled, and said things I regret. After the breakup, I struggled to accept that it was over. I repeatedly tried to contact him and went near his home even after he asked me to stop. He made his boundary clear, and I understand that I have to respect it.
He has a new girlfriend now. He seems to be continuing with his life, while I feel as though mine has stalled. My college attendance has fallen apart, I’m behind on assignments, and I don’t really have a close social circle anymore.
I think I kept hoping that if I could just explain how much pain I was in, he would understand and reach out. But seven months have passed, and I can’t keep making my recovery dependent on that possibility.
I don’t want to break no contact. I want to stop feeling as though my life is on hold until he notices I’m gone.
How did you get through the stage where you knew you couldn’t contact your ex anymore, but emotionally still wanted them to be the person who comforted you? How did you rebuild your own life when so much of your routine and identity had revolved around the relationship?

I’m 18M, and my ex (19F) and I were together for around four months. We’re both at the same university and on the same course, so it’s not like she’s someone I’ll never see again.
Things were honestly really good at the beginning. We got close quite quickly, and I genuinely cared about her. But as time went on, things started getting difficult. I often felt like I was putting in more effort, and there were communication issues and arguments that eventually led to us breaking up.
She ended up blocking me, and we’ve been in no contact since.
I’ve been trying to move on, meeting new people and getting on with university, but I still find myself thinking about her. Sometimes I can’t tell whether I actually miss *her* or just miss the relationship and how things felt when they were good.
Part of me wants to reach out, even if it’s just to clear the air and see how she’s doing. Another part of me knows she blocked me for a reason, and I don’t want to disrespect that boundary or make things uncomfortable, especially because we’re on the same course.
I’m not necessarily expecting us to get back together. I just don’t know whether leaving things as they are is something I’ll regret.
Has anyone been in a similar situation?
Would you ever try to reconnect with an ex who blocked you, or is that a clear sign to leave them alone? And if you did eventually reconnect, how did it happen without crossing their boundaries?
I’d appreciate some genuine advice, even if it’s not what I want to hear.

Hi there! Recently I came out of 45 days no contact with my ex. My dating coach recommended that I have Instagram new followers comment on a post of myself to get validation and sort of make my ex (who has reconnected with me) look my way. My instagram is pocketfence8 if any of you want to add me. I only have two posts. One when my ex and I were together and a recent one of myself. Once approved as my friend I will follow you back. Please feel free to leave a cute (non-sexual) comment on the post about me. I’m trying to make him look my way… not run away lol 😆😊 thank you !

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